[Mateus]

Newer one, seems like a crack-fic in the works

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8035126/...of_Azumi_Kawai

Spoiler:

My name is Azumi Kawai (get it?) I'm fifteen years old and have long beautiful violent hair that flows down to my ass with many, manly curls in it. I have pink and red steaks running down my hair, and silver ribbons with turquoise butterflies on them. I have large very sad green eyes with beautifully long black eyelashes.

My parents were both highly trained ninja and we just recently moved to Konoha. They died during a terrorist attack that blew up their car and killed them. Now an orphan, I live by myself in the house that my parents also used to live with me in.

It was a bright sunny day, my first day of my new classes at the special shinobi's school for gifted ninja. I grabbed my black Hello Kitty backpack and packed away all of my notes and textbooks and carried my hot punk binder underneath my arm as I strode out the door and up the street to the academy.

I was minding my own business when all of a sudden Ino and Sakura stood in my way.

"Ugh what do you want?" I groaned.
"We heard you got into the special academy!" Ino snickered.
"Yea so, what of it?" I replied.
"How could a loser like you get into the special shinobi's academy?" Sakura complained.
"Yea!" Ino agreed, "Not even our very famous dads could get us in there!"
"Well that is not MY problem is it!" I exclaimed, forcing my way past them.

Ino and Sakura, God how I hated them. They were both horrid and ugly girls with flat chests and unattractive bushy unibrows. They're just jealous because my chakra threshold is nearly three times as much as either of them combined, not to mention I get to sit next to Sasuke and Shikamaru everyday during my Special Ops classes.

As I made my way up to the front of the academy door I was once again approached by a stranger, it was none other than Iruka!

"Azumi-san!" he pleaded with me, "Please help me get rid of Naruto once and for all!"
"For the last time, NO!" I yelled.
"Please Azumi, you are my only hope!" He cried, getting down on both knees and kissing my feet like a lap dog.
"Get a hobby already!" I hollered before entering the gates to the school.

But Iruka was not finished, he had an evil smile on his face and a pocket full of ryo (naruto money). He stood up and wiped away his (fake) tears and laughed evilly as he made his way down to the ichiraku ramen bar. Iruka stepped inside the restaurant and sat at the bar, he was quickly greeted by the squinty-eyed middle aged guy who runs the place.

"Hello Iruka, do you have my money?" The ramen guy asked.
"Yes Teuchi, but you must promise that you will do what I asked of you!" Iruka exclaimed.
"Yes, of course I will now give me my money!" Teuchi cried while pawing at Iruka's bulge.

Iruka reached deep into his pockets and pulled out two full bags of ryo and slammed them onto the counter.

"I know you only care about the money," he said. "But damn it I don't want to know how you did it, or what the body looks like!" Iruka said looking away crying.
"Okay…." Teuchi said while counting his money.
"Here take this Polaroid camera and bring me back the pictures as proof okay?" Iruka asked.
"Okay give it to my daughter Ayame, she is good in front of the camera." Teuchi said with a wink.

Teuchi waited as Iruka left the bar and hurried into the kitchen to see his daughter. He grabbed her and pulled her into the storeroom.

"What's going on!" She demanded.
"Look at this money!" Teuchi cried.
"Oh my god there is enough in here for us to…"
"Yes I know!" Teuchi interjected.
"What will we do now?" She asked.
"Call the cops and have him thrown away!" Teuchi replied.
"Really? After he paid us?" Ayame wondered.
"He's too risky, he'll blow our whole operation!" Teuchi stated.
"Okay I will contact the Hokage's office!" Ayame declared.
"Use your 'sexy' voice!" Teuchi suggested with an evil grin while rubbing his hands together greedily, and licking his lips wildly.

s lips wildly.

The person also does buffy fanfiction