|
Queen of Tragedy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Place of rocks and trees, and trees and rocks...and water.
Age: 33
|
@vic-vic: No, I don't believe that either Auris or Hayate will be entirely happy with the ending! And it seems like fandom has made the TSAB quite an ambiguous and slightly corrupt organization.... 
@RadiantBeam: It's interesting, how normally I believe that most people would be sympathetic to Raven, since she's this poor girl who lost her family...it must mean that I'm doing things both wrong and right, to make the readers demonize Auris and Hayate , but yet also condemn Raven... 
And now for other news: Something nice for people who were waiting on the cliffhanger last chapter ...
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Spoiler for A Familiar Life... Chapter 5:
Chapter 5: Fate’s interlude
It was silent here.
She could feel the warm, delicate weight of her closest companion in her lap, the shallow breathing lifting the fur up to tickle her fingers before dropping out of reach again—she didn’t dare rest her hand on Arf’s flank, too worried that she could harm her dear friend somehow.
“Arf,” Fate said, stroking the orange wolf’s head with one hand. “I finally realized—I really am Mother’s daughter.”
She couldn’t say any of this to anyone else. And normally she wouldn’t even dare confide it to Arf, but she knew that Arf’s mind was hazy with the lack of mana. Arf probably couldn’t hear her at all, with her body shut down to such an extent. Her familiar knew how to conserve mana to great extents.
Her…her first familiar.
Her second one still hadn’t quite gotten the hang of things yet.
“I understand now. I had tried to understand her before, just so that I can make peace with that part of my life…but now I truly understand.”
Fate ran her finger along the curve of Arf’s ear, lingering at the tufted tip.
“A person would really do anything…anything, to save the person that she loves.”
She felt herself smiling despite the anguish in her chest. So this was how Mother had felt—broken, but laughing. Mad.
“But that’s where it’s funny, Arf.”
Fate wanted to cry.
She wanted to laugh.
“I succeeded, where Mother had failed.”
In her desperation, Fate had found the key to resurrecting the dead.
It kind of surprised her that no one had thought of it before. That no one had done it before.
She really had out-done her mother in this regard.
“And I didn’t even need Al-Hazard to do it.”
And just like Mother, Fate had run into the same problem. The same bitter problem that twisted and ate at her insides, until Fate wanted to vomit, wanted to hit something, hurt something, just to rid herself a little of the turmoil.
“But it’s not right at all. It’s not the same.”
Fate forgave Mother for hating her. She had already forgiven her mother before, but not like this. Now, Fate knew. She understood.
“She’s not Nanoha. Not the Nanoha I loved. She’s not the same as she was before.”
Never—even when Fate had fought her, even when Mother had so hatefully called her a doll, a replacement…even then, Nanoha had never given her that look. A look of horror, of accusation…a furious look of betrayal and disillusionment. Nanoha had been horrified at what Fate had done to her. And with good reason—Fate had brought Nanoha back not quite the same as before.
Fate didn’t blame Nanoha for hating her.
She hated herself.
And in her more shameful moments, Fate hated Nanoha as well. Only for Nanoha, would Fate so willingly and unthinkingly damn herself just to save her—but at what cost? For all of them to live this lie, this lie that was the only thing that could possibly keep Nanoha safe from the enemies her dear, earnest friend was too good to recognize…Fate had thrown this penance upon them all.
Fate couldn’t hate Nanoha.
She loved Nanoha.
But Fate hated her, she hated that her new familiar had all of Nanoha’s thoughts and memories but yet she wasn’t like the Nanoha she remembered. Nanoha, forced to live with what Fate had done to her. Nanoha, who would now never be Fate’s friend again after Fate had put this doubt into their friendship, a doubt that she would never be free of.
Fate had done this to her.
“Arf…I can never do things right.”
She laid her cheek against Arf’s small head, feeling her tears soaking into the soft fur.
“I can never make the people I love happy. I keep trying, but I should have learned not to bother by now. Every time I try, Arf, I keep hurting the people I love.”
The image of Nanoha’s anguished face wouldn’t go away whenever Fate closed her eyes.
“I keep…losing the people who I love.”
Another tear rolled down her cheek.
“Arf…I’m scared. What if…I’m not different from Mother after all?”
The weak, trembling breaths beneath her cheek as Arf breathed fitfully, the wolf’s lidded eyes never stirring, was her only answer.
Spoiler for Author's Note:
...but not that nice  . Sorry, no revelations about why Fate lied yet (although she does hint at it here  )--is that cruel of me?
Let's hope I finish Chapter 6 before I vanish in November...
|