[Tyabann]

Originally Posted by otai

I agree with your view of Haruki's jerkassness. The only limit of his behaviour I believe we should be concerned is that of credulity; as in the limit of abuse Kyonko can reasonably take before she smacks him a new one, turns around and leaves for good.
But yeah, its generally a case of double standards. For example, girls are generally more sensitive to verbal insults, so jabs about Kyonko's looks and intelligence look particularly cruel, let alone Haruki's other shennanigans. On the other hand, Haruhi calling Kyon stupid is barely remarked on.

Thank you for your support.

And that is exactly why I never have Haruki actually insult her, but not because of any change in character... but rather because he wants to sleep with her, and insulting her looks would therefore be a bad idea.

It's like, Haruki's two objectives in life are:

a) Take over the universe,

and b) Make Kyonko his bride.

Edit: Here is my re-edit of the first chapter in its entirety.

Spoiler for Melancholy, Chapter 1, re-edit:

And so, I entered the senior high school in my area.

At that point, I’d already begun to regret this decision. My new school sat on top of a very high hill, and, even in the spring weather, students would become hot and sweaty just from climbing the steep road. Looks like my intent to walk to school in a leisurely fashion wasn’t going to work. Every time this thought rose to my head, along with the fact that I would have to walk up this hill every day for the next three years, I became tired and depressed, which is why I overslept a bit today. I was beating myself over the head for not studying harder in middle school. Had I done so, I might have gotten into a better school not at the top of Mount Everest. I suppose this is why people in stories invent time machines. All of this was just too depressing.

That was the reason for my lone grim face in the, pointless, time-wasting entrance ceremony. Everyone else in the room had that "starting a new journey" look on their face; you know, the unique "hopeful, yet filled with uncertainty" look that every new student wears when they enter a new school. They look really stupid like that. As for me, that was not the case — a lot of old classmates from my old junior high school were also coming to this school. Added to that, a few of my friends were also here. As a result, I didn't look as worried, or excited, as other people.

The guys were wearing the more modern sport jackets, and we, the girls, were wearing the traditional sailor uniform, a pretty weird combination. Maybe some of the teachers standing behind the snore inducing, boring-as-hell principal giving a speech on the stage had some sort of fetish for sailor uniforms. At this point, I really wished that I had gotten into a school that had business suits as the girl's uniform instead. At least that way I wouldn’t have to look like something from an H-game. Maybe I should organize a petition and get all the other girls to sign it… no, that’d be too much work.

As I was thinking about these useless things, the boring ceremony finally ended, (why do we need to sit through these things again?) and I, along with my not-so-willing new classmates, entered the 1-5 classroom.

Our homeroom teacher, Okabe-sensei, with her practiced-for-an-hour-in-front-of-a-mirror smile, walked to the front of the class and gave a self-introduction. She first said that she was a PE teacher, and was the managing teacher for the girls’ handball team. Then she moved on to stuff like how, back when she was in university, she used to play on the women's handball team, and even won the championship, and that this school seriously lacked handball players, so whoever entered the team would become a regular instantly. She sounds really desperate. Guess there’s not much support for handball here... She went on to say stuff like how handball was the most interesting sport in all the world and on and on... just when I thought that the mind-numbing handball dialogue would never end, she suddenly blurted out:

"Now, let's all introduce ourselves!"

This kind of thing was pretty much the norm, though, so I wasn't surprised at all.

One by one, the people on the left side of the class started to introduce themselves. They raised their hand, announced their name, the name of their old school, and other inconsequential stuff, such as a hobby or favorite food. Some people mumbled their way through it, a few had some pretty interesting introductions, while some tried to tell lame jokes that suddenly made the temperature in the classroom drop. As the people in my row started to introduce themselves, my turn was approaching. I was starting to get nervous. Everyone here should understand my feelings, right?

After I managed to finish my carefully planned, minimal-length introduction without faltering over my words too much, I sat down, feeling the relief you get after having finished something unpleasant but necessary.



I probably won’t forget the next few minutes for the rest of my life.



The person behind me stood up for his turn said the words that would be the topic of conversation at North High for quite a long time to come.

"My name is Suzumiya Haruki. I graduated from East Junior High."

Up to this point, the introduction was still normal, still ordinary, so I saw no point in turning around to look at him. I just stared at the front and listened to his deep, clear voice.

"Normal humans do not interest me! If anyone here is an alien, a time traveler, a slider, or an esper, then come! Let us hang out together! That is all."

What's this… so early in the morning?

Upon hearing something as off-the-wall as that, there’s no way I couldn't help but turn around.

He was tall, and by tall, I mean huge. He had long dark hair that came down past his neck. His angular face was filled with daring and challenge as the rest of the class stared at him. His seriousness and zeal shone through his cold, glinting eyes and long eyebrows. His lips were tightly pursed in a frown.

This was my first impression of Suzimiya Haruki.

Haruki, with eyes of cold fire, scanned the class slowly, stopped to glare at me (I had my mouth wide open), and then sat down and crossed his arms without so much as a smile.

Was he trying to be dramatic? But even then that sounded more like a challenge to a duel than anything else... Did he overdose on shounen manga?

At that moment, I believe everyone's minds were filled with question marks, and that everyone was confused as to what their reaction to this insanity should be. "Should I laugh?" No one really knew.

Well, I guess he wasn't trying to be dramatic or funny, as Haruki always has that sombre face on.

He is always serious.

This is based on my hindsight—I can't be wrong.

After the mythical fairies of silence danced around the classroom for thirty-something seconds, the homeroom teacher, obviously flustered, signaled the next person to continue, and the tense atmosphere, thankfully, lifted.



That’s how we met.

How entirely unforgettable that was. Given the choice, I really want to believe that this was all just a coincidence.



After grabbing everyone's attention on the first day, Haruki reverted to being an ordinary high school student.

This was only the calm before the storm. Looking back, I finally understand it all.

Everyone here at this school came from one of the four junior high schools in the city— people with average grades. This, obviously, included East Junior High; so there should be people in the class who graduated with Haruki, who knew what his stoicism symbolized. Unfortunately for me, I did not know any former East Junior High students. No one could have explained to me how serious the situation really was. As a result, a few days after that explosive introduction, I did something I would never forget—I tried to talk to him before class.

My metaphorical dominoes of misfortune had begun to fall, and I was the person who pushed the first block! All of this is my fault!

Because, you see, when Haruki sits in silence in his seat, he looks just like a normal, good-looking guy. Besides, he seemed interesting enough, and sitting in front of him was a good enough reason to strike up a conversation. Argh, I’m so naïve! Somebody, anybody, please, slap some sense into me!

Of course, I started the conversation with that incident.

"Hi!"

I casually turned my head around, with an airy, girlish smile all over my face.

"The stuff you said, back in your introduction, was all that serious?"

With his arms crossed on his chest, lips pursed together, Suzumiya Haruki kept his posture, then stared right into my eyes.

"What 'stuff in my introduction'?"

"The stuff about the aliens."

"Do you happen to be an alien?"

He looked very serious.

"Well, um... No."

"If you are not, then what business do you have with me?"

"...N-Nothing."

"Then don't bother talking to me. You are a waste of time."

His glare was so cold that I found myself stuttering "sorry" before realizing it. Suzumiya Haruki then removed his glare from me, contemptuously and, looking up, started to frown at the ceiling.

I had considered trying to whip back a line or two, but I couldn't think of anything good to say, especially after being called a “waste of time”. It’s not like guys haven’t treated me like that before, so it's not all that big of a deal. Still, coming from someone like him is especially... Thankfully, at that moment the homeroom teacher came into the classroom and saved me from thinking about it any longer.

I turned my head back to my desk, full of melancholy, and noticed that a few people were staring at me with looks of great interest on their faces. This, obviously, made me feel pretty annoyed and slightly on the embarrassed side. After I stared back at them, however, I noticed that they all had the same, feeble-looking expression on their faces. Some even nodded at me with sympathy.

Like I said, at first I felt pretty damn irritated, but later on I learned that all those people graduated from East Junior High.

Given that my first encounter with Haruki had ended horribly, I figured that I should keep my distance from him for now, for the sake of both my safety and my dignity. With that precaution on my mind, a week passed by.

But, just as I was still part of this class, there were always people who wanted to talk to the eyebrow-locking, shut-mouthed, glowering Haruki. Sucks to be them.

Most of the people were sports-obsessed, delinquent-looking guys; I guess they saw a fellow kinsman in the tall, well-built Haruki. This would be perfectly fine if Haruki actually was a sports-obsessed delinquent.

"Hey, did you see the game last night? The one that went on for an hour without a single goal scored?"

"No."

"Eh, but, why?"

"I do not know."

“Aw, that’s too bad. You should check out the game next week, though. I hear they’re really going—“

"Go away! You are aggravating me!"

That's how it went.

Couldn’t he just answer “no” with that poker face on? No, he had to show his lack of patience in both his expression and his voice. This only made his victim believe that they did something wrong. At the end they could only say "I see... then I'll just...", and ask themselves "What did I say that was so wrong?" and slink away.

Hey, don't look so sad; you didn't say anything wrong. If you ask me, the problem here is with Suzumiya Haruki's brain, not yours.



Even though I don’t mind eating alone, I didn't want others to think that I was some loser girl that nobody liked when everybody else was cheerfully eating their lunch with their friends. That's why, even though I didn't care if others didn’t understand, I ate my lunch together with my junior high school friend Kunikida and an East Junior High graduate named Taniguchi, who sat close to me.

We started to talk about Haruki.

"Did you try to talk to Suzumiya?" Taniguchi asked, a deceptively innocent smile on her face. I nodded.

"And then he said some crazy stuff and really you didn't know how to react?"

"That's what happened."

Taniguchi put her sliced boiled egg into her mouth, chewed, and said: "Well, he wouldn’t be interested in you anyway, considering your figure. Personally, I advise you to give up! Not even pretty girls can attract the attention of this guy."

Excuse me?

Isn't there a saying, "With friends like these..."?

"I was in his class three years in a row; I know how he is." She used this line as the beginning of her speech. "He always does the weirdest things. I thought he’d at least tone it down a bit when he got into senior high; apparently, he hasn't. You heard him in his introduction, right?"

"You mean the alien stuff?"

Kunikida, who was busy picking small bones out of her fried fish, had butted in.

"Yeah, that. Even back in junior high, he always said and did lots of bizarre stuff. For example, there was the School Vandalization Incident!"

"What happened?"

"You know that one thing that that uses plaster dust to draw lines on the sports field? Um… what was it called again? Anyway, he sneaked into school late at night and, with, that, um, whatever it was, drew a huge, huge symbol in the middle of the field."

Taniguchi had an impish smile on her face— she was probably remembering the incident.

"It was so amazing. I went to school early that morning, and all I saw were big circles and triangles. I couldn't figure out what they were supposed to be, so I went up to the fourth floor to get a better view. That didn't help— I still didn't know what that symbol was."

"Ah, I think I saw that before. Didn't the newspaper have a story on it? It even had a helicopter view of it! The symbol looked like a broken Nazca pictogram," Kunikida said.

...I don't remember hearing about that.

"I saw the article, I saw it. The headline was something like 'Mystery Vandal Strikes Junior High At Night,' right? Well, care to guess who pulled that stunt?"

"It was him, right?"

"He admitted it himself. There's no mistaking it. Naturally, he got called into the principal's office. Every teacher was there, questioning him on why he did it."

"Why did he do it, then?"

"I have no idea," Taniguchi answered flatly, as she tried to swallow a mouthful of rice. "I heard he refused to say anything. You’ve seen what he’s like... he never says anything unless he considers it important. Someone said that he drew the symbol to call out to UFOs, others said that it was a magic symbol and was used in summoning monsters, or that he was trying to open a portal to a different world, and so on... A lot of speculations went around, but as long as Suzumiya himself refuses to talk, we might never know if those rumors are true or not. To this very day, it's still a mystery."

For some reason, the picture of Haruki, with his straightforward look, busy laying the lines in the middle of the school field at night, floated into my mind. He definitely prepared the drawing tools and the limestone powders beforehand in the storage room; maybe he even bought a flashlight! Under its dim yellow light, Suzumiya Haruki looked very serene and tragic, his head thrown back, look up at the sky, just waiting and waiting...

No, that’s just my imagination going to a weird place.

Really, Suzumiya Haruki was probably really doing it to summon UFOs or monsters, or even a portal to another world. Maybe he wanted to fight whatever showed up? But after all that work, nothing came of it, and he must have been left with feelings of boredom and melancholy. That’s what I thought.

"That's not the only thing he did!" Taniguchi continued to gobble down her lunch. "This one time, I came to the classroom in the morning and discovered that all the desks were moved outside, or that there were these printed stars on the school roof. Another time he was going around the school slapping O-fuda onto the walls and ceiling... you know, those Chinese ones where you put the paper talisman on a vampire's forehead. I just don’t get him."

Suzumiya Haruki was not inside the classroom at this point, or else we probably wouldn't have been having this conversation. But then again, even if he did hear us, he probably wouldn't have cared. Usually, Suzumiya Haruki marched out of the classroom immediately after fourth period, then came back right before the fifth. He didn't seem to have a lunch box, so I had assumed that he went to the cafeteria to eat; but it doesn't take the whole hour to eat lunch, does it? Unless he gets a lot of food... (he probably eats a lot, to support that huge frame...) Furthermore, he vanishes right at the end of every period. Where the heck does he go...?

"He’s really popular, though!” Taniguchi winked. "He’s athletic, smart, and pretty cute too. Even if he’s nuts, some girls think that makes him mysterious and sexy. And his 'lone wolf' appearance adds plenty of points too."

I get the feeling that's more cognitive dissonance than his personality actually being likable.

"So how do you know all of this?" Kunikida asked, with her lunch box twice as full as Taniguchi's.

"Well, for a while, he randomly started asking girls out, non-stop. From what I heard, the longest relationship lasted a week, the shortest one ended 5 minutes after he asked her. In addition, the only reason Suzumiya gave for dumping his girlfriends was 'I do not wish to socialize with ordinary women! You’re a waste of time!’"

That line again, huh? That guy really has no sense of tact, does he? If it's any consolation to those countless broken hearts, they're not missing out on much.

Taniguchi seemed to be speaking from experience. After she noticed my stare, she blushed and became a bit flustered.

"I heard all of this from other people! I’m not lying! I-It’s just, for some reason, he just asked out girls at random! But by the third year, everyone had finally started to stay away from him; so no one got asked out anymore. Although, I have a funny feeling that history will repeat itself in senior high… I’m warning you now, stay away from him! This is coming from someone who was in the same class as he was."

Say whatever you want. I’m not interested in him anyway. Besides, aren’t I “not good looking enough”, according to you?

Taniguchi put her empty lunch-box back into her bag, and let out a high-pitched giggle.

"If there's one guy I'd like to date, it'd be him, Asakura Ryou."

Taniguchi nodded towards a group of guys a few desks away. In the middle of the conversing group, with a calm, pleasant smile on his face, was Asakura Ryou.

"Judging from my inspection, he definitely enters my 'Top Ten Hottest First Year Guys' list."

"You have a list?" I asked, incredulous.

"I group guys into A to D categories and, believe me, I only pay attention to the A guys. You only get to go through high school life once— I want mine to be as (giggle) fun as possible."

"Then that Asakura Ryou is an A then?" Kunikida asked.

"He's an AA+! Come on, just look at his face, his personality must be first class! I even hear he's in the kendo club! Plus, he's got a great butt, too."

I really don't need to hear this... or rather, I don't need you to tell me... hey, where am I going with this?

"Oh, so the sort of guy who'd actually remember your birthday?" Kunikida butted in again.

I'll bet there's some sort of story behind that one, but, moving on...

Taniguchi was right, you couldn't deny that Asakura Ryou was quite a different kind of guy than Suzumiya Haruki.

First and most obviously, he was very handsome; and he always smiled, giving off the impression of great compassion towards everybody. Second, Taniguchi's description of his personality was actually pretty accurate. These days no one dared to talk to Suzumiya Haruki anymore, except for Asakura Ryou. No matter how rude Suzumiya Haruki was, Asakura Ryou still tried to talk to him from time to time. He was so fervent in the matter that he almost acted like the class president. Third, from the way he answered teachers' questions in class alone, you could see that he was very smart. He always answered the questions correctly — in the eyes of the teachers he was probably a model student. To top it off, he was extremely popular with the male students. The term had only been going for a week, and he was already well on his way to being the idol of all the guys, who seemed to look at him like a feudal lord of old. I think the Greeks had a word for that kind of adoration... I can't remember.

Asakura Ryou was one of the few guys I’d ever seen who looked like the stereotypical 'handsome prince' from the cartoons I’d watched as a little girl. That charming smile, that calm appearance… Compared to him, Suzumiya Haruki was just a science fiction obsessed weirdo.

I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have magical powers. If I did, Suzumiya would probably carry me off to be his bride...



It was still April then, and Suzumiya hadn't started acting up yet. Which meant, for me, a month of peace and relaxation. Unfortunately, I didn’t know that there was only be a month to go before Haruki would start going off his rocker.

Even during that short time, though, I'd already observed some of Haruki’s more eccentric behaviors.

Attention! The following is a list of Haruki's Peculiarities.

Peculiarity #1: Every day, his hairstyle changed. Added to this, from my observations, there was sort of a weird pattern to it all. On Monday, Haruki would come to school with his long hair down. On Tuesday, there’d be a single spike gelled up on the back of his head. On the next day, there'd be two spikes, the day after, three; by Friday, there were four spikes, one on each cardinal direction of his head. Was that supposed to signify something?

So Monday, zero. Tuesday, one. Wednesday, two...

As the day of the week increased, so would the number of hair spikes; by next Monday, the whole crazy process would start again. I couldn’t see any reason for it. Following that pattern, he should have six spikes on Sunday... I bet he looks like some sort of typical shonen character.

...I suddenly wanted to see how his head looks on Sunday.

Peculiarity #2:For Phys Ed, classes 1-5 and 1-6 would combine and have Phys ED together, though the boys and girls separated. When we changed clothes, the girls would go to the 1-6 classroom, and the boys would go to the 1-5 classroom; meaning at the end of the period, the girls from our class (1-5) would move to the other room to change.

Unfortunately for my poor sanity, Haruki would completely ignore these conventions and start stripping before the girls had even left.


It wasn’t as if he was an exhibitionist or anything. I think he simply didn’t care whether anybody saw his body or not. Wearing his usual scowl, he’d just start taking off his clothes, starting with his shirt, before pulling off his pants and getting into his gym gear.

While this was happening most of the girls in the class would be either completely confused or squealing in delight, so it was up to me to get them out of there, trying to ignore Haruki’s near-naked body.


According to gossip, the other guys in the class (led by Asakura Ryou) attempted to talk Haruki out of that kind of behaviour, but he refused. Something about “the male body being nothing to be ashamed of”. Every PE lesson, Haruki would totally ignore everyone else and take off his clothes without so much as a glance. So, in order to preserve the purity of our maiden eyes, we girls decided to leave the classroom as soon as the bell rang. But for those who are either too corrupted to turn back, or who don't believe me, the photographs are available at 200 yen apiece from a certain Kazuma-kun in 1-5.

Seriously, though, Haruki is pretty well built... argh, what am I saying?

Peculiarity #3: At the end of every period, Haruki would go missing. When the school bell came rolling around, he’d grab his school bag and march out of the classroom. I’d have thought that he’d go straight home; but to my amazement, he joined and quit every single club in the school. One day, you’d see him shooting hoops in the Basketball Club, and the next you’d see him making an urn in the Pottery Club. The following day, you might see him waving a stick at the opposing team in the Hockey Club, or smacking home runs in the Baseball Club. Now I can see why those sports jocks tried to talk to him... All the clubs tried to persuade him into joining them permanently, but turned each and every one of them down. His explanation went along the lines of "Doing the same thing every day is boring! I need new experiences!". So in the end, he didn't join any of the clubs.

What exactly is he trying to do?

Thanks to this kind of stuff, gossip about the "bizarre first year guy" spread throughout the school almost instantly. Within a month, there wasn't a single person in our school who didn't know who Suzumiya Haruki was. By May, people might still not have known the name of our principal, but Suzumiya Haruki had practically become a household name.

So, with all this kind of stuff going on— and Haruki always at the root of it all— May arrived.



When it comes to fate, I'm more inclined to believe in the existence of the Loch Ness Monster. (So much for the sensibility of a high school girl.) You see, unlike some girls I know, I don't think that there's a red string of fate tying me to my one true love, nor do I like reading my fortunes in magazines. I mean, how can 1/12 of the population experience the same things on the same day? That's beyond bizarre. Nevertheless, if destiny is actively influencing human lives, my metaphorical wheel of fate had probably begun to turn. Maybe in some far off land, there’s three magical crones busily re-weaving my future?

…No, that’s just stupid.

After the end of the vacation for Golden Week, I trudged off to school, not sure what day of the week it was. The unnaturally bright, sunny weather blasted my skin and made me drip with sweat— I had already had a shower this morning and already I wanted another one. This stupid hill the size of Kilimanjaro just makes it worse; it never seemed to end. What on earth does the Earth want from me? Was it suffering from some sort of obscure medical ailment? Is the worsening condition of my skin the cure for this disease? And haven't we stopped sacrificing young girls in the name of natural forces a long time ago?

"Hi, Kyon!"

Somebody hugged me from behind. It was Taniguchi. Her uniform was untidy and looked like it hadn’t been ironed or washed in a while, and she didn't even bother to tie her collar ribbon.

"Where did you go for Golden Week?" she asked casually.

"My parents took me and my little brother to see my grandpa in the countryside."

"That’s boring!"

"Fine, then what did you do?" I retorted.

"I got a part-time job."

Probably at a brothel somewhere. "Really? Working doesn’t seem to suit you at all."

"Kyon, you’re in senior high now— why do you gotta go with your little brother to see your grandpa and grandma? You should be hanging out with your girlfriends or something."

Kyon, by the way, is my nickname. A few years back, my long-time-no-see-good-for-nothing uncle suddenly said to me "Wow, look at you, Kyon-chan! You’re all grown up!" Could he have thought of anything more embarrassing? My little brother thought it was funny and also started to call me Kyon. After that, the rest is history— my friends, upon hearing my brother calling me Kyon, decided to follow his lead. From that day on, my name, to everyone, became Kyon. Damn it, my brother used to call me "Onee-chan"!

"It’s a tradition of ours to have a family reunion during Golden Week." I responded indifferently as I scaled Mt. Aconcagua. The sweat dripping from my hair was extremely unpleasant. I really need that shower...

Taniguchi, full of hot air as always, boasted about how there were so many cute guys at her workplace, and how she planned to use the money she made to buy a new miniskirt for the summer. To me, stuff like that, along with telling people about your dreams or how amazing or cute some pet is, are the dullest possible topics in the world.

So as I wondered if this was how Haruki felt when people talked to him about football, we arrived at the school gate.



Suzumiya Haruki was already in his seat, staring at the ceiling, when I entered the classroom. Two spikes protruded from each side of his head. I guess that means today is Wednesday. After I sat down— for some incredibly stupid, unknown reason (the only explanation being that I had completely lost it... I blame the heat), before I could catch myself— I found myself once again talking to Suzumiya Haruki.

"The hair spikes, are they some sort of way to contact the aliens?"

Slowly, mechanically, Suzumiya Haruki lowered his head downward, and stared at me with deep, piercing eyes, his face set. That’s a seriously scary expression.

"When was it that you noticed?" His tone was so icy cold that it was like icicles being crushed by sharp rocks.

I paused a while, trying to think of my answer under that glare.

"A-awhile ago, I think."

"Well..."

Haruki tipped his chair back and put his hands behind his head, looking both annoyed and bored.

"Each day of the week gives off a different image."

I think this is the first time we’ve had an actual conversation!

"Monday is yellow, Tuesday is red, Wednesday is blue, Thursday is green, Friday is gold, Saturday is brown, and Sunday is white."

I sort of understand what he’s trying to get at here.

"So that means, if we use numbers to represent each color, Monday would be zero and Sunday six, right?"

"Yes."

"Shouldn’t Monday be one, though?"

"Why does your opinion matter?"

"…Um, yeah. Right."

Haruki glared at me. I guess he wasn’t exactly pleased with my answer. As for me, I just sat there, uncomfortable under his stare, and let time slip by.

"Have we ever met before? Long ago?"

"No, I don’t think so…"

After I my answer, Okabe-sensei lightly entered the classroom, and our first real conversation ended.



Our first conversation! Though it really wasn’t anything special, this might just have been the turning point I’ve been looking for.

Of course, the only chance I could talk to Haruki was the short bit of time before home room session, as he’s never in the classroom during breaks. But, since I sit in front of him, I'm pretty sure I have a better chance of talking to him than anybody else.

What shocked me the most is that Haruki actually answered my question. I just thought that he’d go all like, “Silence! You’re a waste of time!” Maybe this makes me as weird as he is, talking to him like that?

So when I came to school the next day and discovered that, instead of resorting to more gel, Haruki had gotten a haircut, I felt quite depressed.

What the...? Even though he looks better without the weird spikes, he changed his hairstyle right after I talked to him about it! Does he think I'm an undercover alien and I'm onto his plans or something?

However, when I asked him why, he said:

"No reason, whatsoever."

He answered with that trademark annoyed tone, but he didn’t look angry or anything. I guess he just wasn’t going to tell me his reasons.

That’s what I expected, though. So it’s all right.

"Is it true that you really tried to join all the clubs?"

From then on, I fell into the routine of talking to Haruki in the few minutes before homeroom. Obviously, if I didn't try to start a conversation, Haruki would just sit in his chair and stare at the ceiling. Also, were I to try to talk to him about how last night's TV show was, or how the weather is, etc.— boring topics— he’d just ignore me. With that in mind, I chose the topic of conversation carefully. I always tried to keep it about him.

"So did you find any fun clubs? If there is, I think I’d consider joining it myself."

"None." Haruki answered, flatly. "None exist."

He emphasizes this, and then slowly lets out a breath. A sigh?

"My assumption was that high school wouldn’t be waste of time. Ultimately, it's just the same as mandatory education. Nothing here ever changes. Nothing here is interesting. I joined the wrong school."

Exactly what criteria did you have in mind when you decided what school to attend?

"Sports clubs and cultural clubs are exactly the same. They are boring. If there were some unique, exceptional club in this school, then I might consider joining. "

"Who put you in charge of deciding what clubs are interesting or not?"

"Silence! If I like a club, then it's unique; otherwise, it's plain. A waste of time."

"I expected to hear that from you."

"Mmm.”

Annoyed, he looked back up at the ceiling, marking the end of the day's conversation.



On another day:

"I, um, overheard something the other day... It's not something important anyway... Did you really dump all your girlfriends?"

"Who do you think you are to ask this of me?"

He flipped a lock of hair out from in front of his face, and stared at me with those bright, cold eyes. Doesn’t his face have any other expressions besides “Angry” and “Off”?

"Did that one girl tell you? Taniguchi, right? Why is that girl in the same class as me year after year? I hope she isn't one of those stalking psycho girls that follow you around for years.”

Don't think so.

"I do not know what you heard, but it does not matter. Most of it is true, in any case."

"So you never met a girl you ever wanted to have a serious relationship with?"

"Not one!"

He seems to totally dismiss everything.

"Every single one of them was silly and childish! I cannot engage in a serious relationship with them! Each one of them expects to be taken out to dinner, and they always want candles! Often a sappy romantic movie beforehand, for a 'heart-pounding experience'! And at the end of the day, all they’d say is a shy 'see you tomorrow' and then walk away!"

"I don’t see much that’s wrong with that," I thought to myself; but there’s no way I’d say that out loud. If Haruki says it's bad, then to him, it’s bad. No exceptions.

"Then, without fail, they would confess their deep love and adoration over the phone. Why could they not tell me something that important to my face?!"

I can understand how those girls felt, though. Making such an important― to them, at least― confession to someone with this strong a personality would probably make anyone feel uneasy. They probably lost their nerve just from seeing your expression, Haruki. I really hope I never have to date a guy like that.

"Yeah, you’re right. I’d ask the guy up to the school rooftop or something and tell him there."

"Who said that your feelings matter?"

What? Did I say something wrong again?

"The problem is, are all the women in this world such dim-witted, twittering creatures? I have been agitated by this question since junior high."

Hey, don’t forget who you’re talking to!

"Then, what kind of girl would be ‘interesting’ to you? An alien?"

"I am fine with aliens or similar things as long as they are not normal. Be they male or female."

"Why is it so important that they not be human?!"

When that burst out of me Haruki looked at me like I was a fly he wanted to squish.

"Because ordinary humans are not any fun at all!"

"...Maybe... you’re right."

I have to agree with Haruki on this one; if it turns out that some cute transfer student is half earthling and half alien, that’d be pretty cool. If Taniguchi, currently sitting next to me and stealing quick glances at Haruki and me, was secretly a magical girl who fought evil in the shadows alongside a talking lizard, it’d be even cooler. If Asakura Ryou, who for some reason keeps smiling at me, was a super-powered prince from a long-forgotten kingdom, then my school life would be as exciting as it could get.

But there’s no way that could happen— no aliens, time travelers, handsome princes, or magical powers exist in this world.

Even if they did exist, they wouldn’t just appear right in front of average people like me and go "Hello, I'm actually an alien!"

"THAT'S WHY!"

Haruki suddenly stood up and knocked his chair backwards, causing everyone to turn and look at him.

"THAT IS WHY I'M WORKING SO HARD!!"

"Sorry I’m late!"

The always-optimistic Okabe-sensei, who looks out of breath, rushed into the classroom. When she saw the whole class looking at Haruki standing, his fists clenched, eyes closed, she became just as surprised and just stood there.

"Er... Homeroom is about… to start…"

Haruki sat down immediately and glared at the corner of his desk. Thank god…

I turned around, the whole class followed suit and turned their heads as well. Then Okabe-sensei, obviously disoriented by the commotion, wobbled to the front of the room and let out a soft cough.

"I, um, apologize for being late. Eh... Then let's begin!"

She repeats again, and the class atmosphere finally reverts back to normal— though this is the sort of atmosphere that Haruki hates the most.

Maybe that’s just the way life is?

To be honest, however, inside my heart I'm pretty jealous of Haruki's attitude towards life.

He still has the hopes that I abandoned long ago, the vain hope that he’d meet someone magically special, and he enthusiastically tries to achieve his dream. ‘If sitting around waiting is not going to achieve anything, let's call them ourselves’! That’s why Haruki does strange things like drawing white lines on the school field, painting symbols on the school roof, and pasting cursed paper talismans everywhere.

Sigh...

I wonder when Haruki started to do weird stuff that made others brand him as an occultist? I guess he was thinking something like ‘Waiting achieves nothing, so why not perform some weird ceremonies to call them out?’ In the end, however, nothing happened. Is that why Haruki always has that "screw-everything" look on his face...?



"Hey, Kyon."

After class, Taniguchi, with an utterly baffled face, tried to corner me.

Taniguchi, you look like a total moron with that expression.

"Shut it! That’s not important right now. What kind of spell did you cast?"

"Spell? What spell?"

I once heard that highly advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. I remember this as I fire my question back at Taniguchi. She then jabbed her finger at Haruki's empty seat.

"I’ve never seen Suzumiya talk to anybody for that long! What did you find that could possibly interest him?"

That, eh, what did we talk about? I just asked him some normal questions, that's all, though I did try to keep the conversation about him.

"I’m really surprised!"

Taniguchi put on an awed expression full of sarcasm. Kunikida popped out from behind her.

"It’s nothing new... Kyon has always liked weird guys like that."

Hey, wait a minute! Don't say things that'll cause a misunderstanding!

"It doesn't matter if Kyon likes weird guys, that’s not my point. What I can't understand is why Suzumiya would talk to an underdeveloped girl like her! I don't get it at all."

Is no one listening to me? Hey!

"Maybe Kyon is as weird as he is?"

I am not! Stop talking about me like I’m not here.

"Probably. I mean you can't expect someone with a nickname like Kyon to be normal."

Stop calling me Kyon, Kyon, Kyon! Can’t you people use my real name instead of that overly cute nickname? At the very least, I want to hear my brother call me ‘Onee-chan’!

"Actually, I’d like to know the reason as well."

A cheerful, melodious voice came out of nowhere as a hand touched my shoulder. I lifted my head and saw Asakura Ryou's handsome smiling face.

I think my heart just skipped a couple of beats.

"I tried talking to Suzumiya-kun a few times already but nothing came of it. Could you teach me how I should talk to him properly?"

I was too busy trying not to act like a giddy schoolgirl so, I didn't even think about his question at all.

"I-I dunno."

Upon hearing this, Asakura smiled.

"I feel relieved. He can't go on being isolated from his classmates like that, so it's great that you've become his friend.”

Asakura Ryou behaves like the class president because, well, he is our class president. He was elected in our last lengthy home room session.

"F-friend, huh?"

I shook my head uncertainly. Is he really my friend? The only expression Haruki gives me whenever I talk to him is that scowl!

"You need to continue helping Suzumiya-kun so that he can get along with the rest of us. We are the same class, so I’ll be counting on you."

I wanted to say 'Anything for you', but that sounds stupid and I'd never hear the end of it.

...In any case, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do!

"If there is anything I need to tell Suzumiya-kun, I’ll just ask you to pass on my message."

No, wait! Wait just a minute! I don’t want to be his personal secretary!

"Please?" he asked, putting his palms together and bowing slightly.

Faced with a request in that manner, the only thing I could do was give vague, uncomfortable responses like "erm" and "ahh...". Asakura took that as a yes and rewarded me with his charming, sunlight-like smile, and then went back to his desk. After noticing that a lot of the girls in the class were staring at me with angry eyes, my heart fell to the bottom of a canyon.



Apparently, somebody decided that the students should change seats every month. Therefore, Asakura Ryou wrote all the seat numbers onto little pieces of paper, placed them in a cookie tin, and let each of us draw from it. This could be my chance to get away from Haruki forever!

In the end, I got the seat in the second to last row next to the window that overlooks the courtyard. Guess who took the last seat right behind me? That's right. It's the ever-scowling Haruki.

Just my luck...

"Why will something interesting not happen here?!” He’s complaining again. “Like little grade school kids disappearing one by one, and their bodies being found in the river, or maybe some teachers getting murdered inside a locked classroom! Something like that!"

"Stop saying that kind of scary stuff."

"I joined the Mystery Study Group."

"Oh? What happened?"

"Nothing interesting! Furthermore, all the club members are detective novel fans but there isn't anyone there that resembles a detective!"

"Isn't that normal?"

"I actually had some hope for the Supernatural Study Group."

"Really?"

"However, they all turned out to be a bunch of occult maniacs.”

Sounds like you’d fit right in.

“Does that sound fun to you?!"

"Not really."

"Everything is too boring! Why does this school not have any decently interesting clubs?"

"Well, I guess there's not much you can do about that."

"I thought after I graduated to senior high I would encounter some good clubs, but this, this is like trying to get into the Major Leagues but then discovering that the school you're attending doesn't even have a baseball team!"

Haruki looked as if he were some sort of spectre ready to go to a hundred Buddhist monasteries to lay some curses. He stared out at the sky with utter disdain and let out a huge sigh.

Should I feel sorry for him?

I don't know what sort of clubs Haruki likes. Maybe even he doesn't know the answer. He just wants to "do something interesting." What, then, is "something interesting?” to him? Does that involve solving a murder mystery? Searching for UFOs? Or maybe even exorcism? I don’t think he has any idea either. He just wants something different in his life.

I know how that feels.

"I think it can't be helped if there aren't any."

Maybe I should try to enlighten him with what I’ve learned?

"Judging from our history," I began, "Humans are usually satisfied with the way things are at the time. However, those who aren’t will try to invent or discover something to advance their civilization. Someone wanted to fly so they invented airplanes. Someone wanted to travel easily so cars and trains were made. Those things, however, were created by people who possessed special talents. Only a genius can convert their imaginings into reality. We ordinary people should just live out our ordinary lives in an ordinary fashion. It’s not our job to act on impulse just because we feel bored."

"Silence!"

Haruki just cut off what I thought was a really great speech, and turned his head away from me. Looks like he's in a really bad mood right now. But then again, when isn't he? ...Looks like I’m used to it already. I think the term to describe this is "learned behavior".

Haruki probably doesn't care about anything— unless it involves supernatural powers far surpassing reality. The world doesn't have those, however. No, really. I should know, I’ve been looking for years. The only thing that came close were my grandmother's tea leaves, and even then you had to squint and make VERY loose connections.

However, I must give thanks to the laws of physics! Thanks to you, we humans can live in peace. Though I doubt Haruki would give you his gratitude.

I’m normal, right?



Something must have triggered it.

Maybe it's the above conversation?

Because, unfortunately for me, I never saw it coming!



It was warm and sunny outside, so everyone in the class was getting sleepy. Just as I was nodding my head and going to sleep, a powerful force suddenly grabbed my ponytail and pulled backwards. The pain woke me up, and I instinctively grabbed my ponytail and held on tight. Awkwardly, I turned my head around, all the while trying to pull my hair back. It hurt so bad that my eyes started to tear up.

"What the hell do you think you’re doing!?" Are you in elementary school or something? Let go already!

From the edge of my field of vision, I saw Haruki, one hand grabbing my hair, smiling a big smile that was as bright as the desert sun — this is the first time I've seen him smile. If smiles can be measured in terms of temperature, then his smile was as hot as the Sahara desert. It’s overwhelming... he needs to smile more often.

"I got it!"

Hey, don't spit all over me! And let go!

"Why didn't I think of this before?"

Haruki's eyes shone as brightly as the stars.

He stared at me pointedly. More worried about my hair than where this was leading to, I asked:

"What is that you finally thought of?"

"If it doesn't exist, I can just create one myself!"

"Create what?"

"A club!"

My head suddenly hurt and I don't think it had anything to do with my hair nearly being ripped out.

"Really? Wow, that’s a really excellent idea. Can you let go of my hair now?"

Haruki let go of my ponytail but not his excitement.

"What's with that attitude? You should be waaay happier about something like this!"

"Look, we can talk about your wonderful idea later. Right now, I just want you to think about where we are, and then you can share your incredible joy with me. But just calm down first, okay?"

"Why? What d'you mean?"

"Class is still on."

Haruki finally let go of my ponytail. I rubbed the back of my aching head and turned around slowly. I noticed that the whole class looked completely awestruck. The freshly graduated newbie English teacher, with his chalk in his hand, stared at me and looked as if he was ready to cry.

I signaled Haruki to sit down quickly and bowed politely towards the poor teacher.

Please continue with the lesson.

I heard Haruki grumble about something and sat down unwillingly. The teacher then resumed his writing on the board...

Create a new club?

Hmmmm...

Don't tell me I'm already a member?

My poor, aching head just serves to increase my feeling of unease.

Now all I need is for Discreet to edit this, me to pick what works from his edits, post that version, and we've finalized Chapter One and can move on.

Discreet can do the prologue if he wants, but I don't think it's necessary.