Thread: Dating
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Old 2008-01-17, 03:53   Link #431
Love Yourself
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 33
Originally Posted by Vestus View Post
Funny side note:

Apparently, she intended for the whole "pretend couple/dating" thing to be a joke. She had no feelings for me and I didn't have any feelings toward her (I thought she was cute, but I wasn't interested for some reason ). So basically, the "joke" developed feelings, or maybe the feelings were realized. Who knows? Sounds like something I would only see in an Anime .
I'm not really surprised, actually - that's largely been my experience. The idea that one girl was into my led to my liking her back and then dating. With my current girlfriend, she thought that I liked her (I didn't) and began to like me back; her liking me caused me to like her. It's almost like the power of suggestion. Obviously there has to be a certain level of compatibility for feelings to develop, but it's rather interesting.

Originally Posted by bluejazz87
Well I finally got a response from the person that was driving me nuts by not responding. I was patient and only say two comments on her Facebook page within the last two months nearly. And both of those comments were on the other side of each other in terms of time span. One was in early December, the other in late January. I also happened to have sent her a "Happy Holidays" e-card on Christmas Eve to her email. So that might count as three. Maybe. But the good news is that she replied with a heart-felt response and was even grateful for the e-card I had sent her. And...she said it would be nice if we hung out again.

It feels like a giant weight has been lifted off of my heart. Perhaps there is some hope after all...when everything seemed like it had been lost.
I'm glad for you, and I hope it'll lead to bigger and better things. Just remember that you should be evaluating her as well. If you're in the dating market just to get experience, then that's fine. If I remember right, in an earlier post you stated that you weren't really sure what you wanted to get out of it, which is fine. But if you're looking for a serious relationship, just be sure that you're not potentially getting yourself into a rough situation. Any relationship will require work to maintain and keep healthy, and anyone who says otherwise is either lying, extremely lucky, or unknowingly in a suffering relationship. You can make things easier on yourself by choosing someone who works better with you.

I'll give an example of the first girl I dated. For many things that we talked about she seemed to become very hostile and argumentative, even when it really wasn't important and when I wasn't trying to argue anything. She'd also claim that I was a poor communicator, and occasionally would chalk it up to the fact that at that time I was an engineering major. (I'm sure everyone knows it, but engineers are stereotyped as being incredibly socially awkward and terrible communicators.) She was my first and the relationship was new enough that I was infatuated with her regardless. I took her criticisms as feedback and pondered about how to improve myself. It did hurt a bit, but I suppose that I didn't recognize my discomfort at the time.

I don't think it was even two months after the relationship had started that the fairy dust of a new relationship began to wear off. I decided that regardless of any blame, we simply weren't communicating well, and I didn't foresee the relationship having any lasting power. I ended it, much to her dismay.

I guess my only worry for you, bluejazz87, is that you're like me - sensitive, wants to provide love and affection, and so on - and that we'd easily be taken advantage of. I'd imagine that was partially what happened with the girl I cited above. My concern for you is that this girl may also be a poor communicator - perhaps someone who won't talk to you and will leave you feeling unsure and insecure. But it's too early to tell, in all honesty. Even though I had clear communication issues with that first girl, when we'd initially been doing friend activities (2-3 hour lunches every week) we seemed to get along great and held similar views. You don't talk for that long with a new friend when you don't jive well, right? But I guess things change when you enter the relationship field (although what changes and how much it does will depend on the person). This advice from me is probably premature for you, but I just wanted to express it anyway.
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