Thread: Dating
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Old 2008-01-17, 05:14   Link #432
World's Greatest
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: San Francisco
Age: 30
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
I'm glad for you, and I hope it'll lead to bigger and better things. Just remember that you should be evaluating her as well. If you're in the dating market just to get experience, then that's fine. If I remember right, in an earlier post you stated that you weren't really sure what you wanted to get out of it, which is fine. But if you're looking for a serious relationship, just be sure that you're not potentially getting yourself into a rough situation. Any relationship will require work to maintain and keep healthy, and anyone who says otherwise is either lying, extremely lucky, or unknowingly in a suffering relationship. You can make things easier on yourself by choosing someone who works better with you.

I'll give an example of the first girl I dated. For many things that we talked about she seemed to become very hostile and argumentative, even when it really wasn't important and when I wasn't trying to argue anything. She'd also claim that I was a poor communicator, and occasionally would chalk it up to the fact that at that time I was an engineering major. (I'm sure everyone knows it, but engineers are stereotyped as being incredibly socially awkward and terrible communicators.) She was my first and the relationship was new enough that I was infatuated with her regardless. I took her criticisms as feedback and pondered about how to improve myself. It did hurt a bit, but I suppose that I didn't recognize my discomfort at the time.

I don't think it was even two months after the relationship had started that the fairy dust of a new relationship began to wear off. I decided that regardless of any blame, we simply weren't communicating well, and I didn't foresee the relationship having any lasting power. I ended it, much to her dismay.

I guess my only worry for you, bluejazz87, is that you're like me - sensitive, wants to provide love and affection, and so on - and that we'd easily be taken advantage of. I'd imagine that was partially what happened with the girl I cited above. My concern for you is that this girl may also be a poor communicator - perhaps someone who won't talk to you and will leave you feeling unsure and insecure. But it's too early to tell, in all honesty. Even though I had clear communication issues with that first girl, when we'd initially been doing friend activities (2-3 hour lunches every week) we seemed to get along great and held similar views. You don't talk for that long with a new friend when you don't jive well, right? But I guess things change when you enter the relationship field (although what changes and how much it does will depend on the person). This advice from me is probably premature for you, but I just wanted to express it anyway.
Thanks for your insight. I'll definitely keep your words in mind. However, I'm a long ways away from even potentially being in a situation where I have a chance at having a relationship with this girl. If I do end up with someone though...I'll remember what you said. And I think you described a good amount of my characteristics quite well. I'm a very sensitive person and take things quite seriously...even when they're just words. I wish I didn't have that handicap, but it appears to be embedded within myself...somehow.

"Every light must fade, every heart return to darkness!"
Samari is offline   Reply With Quote