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Old 2013-12-05, 23:20   Link #24
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 66
I've not really found a good place to publish such things. DeviantArt supposedly has the ability to permit story publishing but this rocket engineer can't get it to work. I work my way through the submittal system and every method I try I end up with a dead end on text submittal. I'll keep an eye out for fantasy/sci-fi story forums.

As for the writing, there are minor spots where grammar (third person, passive, tense) are wonky but that's what editing and review is for. There's a lot of pronouns. Not necessarily a problem but it can get confusing in a complex sentence with three or four people involved.

example: she was glad that she kicked her out of the house once that boyfriend of hers told her to kick her over to her dad

I like the way you quietly let the reader know this is the "near future" (or "edge of now") with the use of technology. Also liked the gradual way her world is uncovered to the reader.

A lot of writers out there still haven't really grokked how thoroughly new tech has demolished some very old plot tropes and cliches.
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