[Triple_R]

Really great to see a couple very nice responses to my latest update. Guess I'll take the time to reply to them here, before I move on to the next update.

Spoiler for Deikan response:

Originally Posted by Deikan

Once again another amazing update. I read it, loved it, and enjoyed the full half-hour I put reading and going over stuff so that I don't miss anything. I'm glad you're out of your writers block for the moment, but you've put off a winner in my book.

Thanks a lot! Really glad you enjoyed this latest update.

Before I give you my final grade on your performance I'm going to go deep into what you've done.

Current Mami x Madoka Romance Scenario:

The romance pace between the two is still better than before, and I truly like the way it's progressing. I'm truly amazed how realistic you've made Madoka sounded and acted during the "introducing my life partner" to my parent's scenario. The interactions were funny, cute (Tatsuya playing with Mami's hair like a race-car track), and pretty heart racing because I thought that Mami and Junko would start off sour at first, but they're getting along like mother and sister in laws already.

My thinking with Junko is that she's a liberally-minded person and also has a lot of trust in her daughter (probably for good reason). So I think she'd be able to take it all in stride pretty well.

I enjoyed the clever obvious twist on how they first met and how convincing she sounded. The part where Mami called Homura a "bully" kind of made me laugh.

I'm glad you liked that bit. I myself was amused at how easily you could retell the basics of Mami's first meeting with Madoka and Sayaka without revealing the world of magical girls and witches.

Spoiler for Mami's Feelings:

Mami's boldness and direct to the point nature is one of the reasons why she's my favourite out of the five girls. It just shows that even if she and Junko were to get off on bad terms (just saying), she loves Madoka from the bottom of her heart unconditionally, and would do anything to prove it. Because of her honest and mature kind nature, it's no surprise why Madoka fell deeply in love with her, but the family welcomed her with open arms.

One thing that made this chapter more interesting is how you've captured the insecurities Mami has when it comes to family. Mami lost her family and was forced to become a magical in order to survive. The clear example of this is when she was leaving, Madoka felt regret coming from her which gave me the hint that she feels isolated, lonely, and somewhat jealous. It's nice to see despite her maturity for her age, I think she longs for a family of her own.

Writing this fanfic has given me a deeper appreciation for Mami. She's a splendid character to write because she's bold and direct to the point so dialogue usually flows very well with her. And it is nice for an anime character to be genuinely smooth and assertive without being coldly manipulative. That's a nice characterization that you don't see often in anime.

Current Sayaka x Madoka Romance Scenario

The Sayaka x Madoka romance pace is still excellent, great work. I like how Sayaka is gradually getting bolder and Madoka slowing becoming more assertive. This chapter definitely adds the drama factor in their current relationship with Madoka becoming doubtful of Sayaka being in love with her because of the insecurities knowing that her girlfriend loved the boy she was taking care of for a long time.

Spoiler for Madoka's Feelings:

Madoka's current situation feels similar to when Mami was considering breaking up with her to resume her responsibilities as a Magical girl, this time it deals with her girlfriend dealing with an old crush, and we all know that she loved him for a long time. Madoka's insecurities towards Kamijou sort of came off as jealous while at the same time callous. Although Sayaka assures her that there's nothing between them anymore and that she loves her, Madoka's insecurities continue to get deeper and more painful.

Spoiler for Sayaka's Feelings:

Although it's apparent that Sayaka love for Madoka runs deep, it kind of makes me wonder if a part of her (I'm just throwing this out there), a small part (I'd say 5%), still longs for Kamijou. As their relationship is getting more intense, leaning to intimacy, It is bad timing considering that her old crush is leaving the hospital and will show be going back to school again. Sayaka is obviously conflicted with her still caring for Kamijou and her romance with Madoka, considering that she has two choices: to come clean with Kamijou about her feeling for Madoka, or to simple ends things and go into a relationship that Sayaka's parents will accept with no question. I feel that this is where the scenario is going and it all comes down to choice.

It can be tricky to write a scenario like this one because if I don't handle it well I can make Madoka and/or Sayaka look worse for it, which I'd like to avoid if possible. At the same time, good drama generally requires personality conflict and real question as to what's going to happen next, so I can't have everybody be perfectly careful and understanding either.

That's the downside of a love triangle in general - It can easily make a character look harshly insensitive or callous if it's not handle it well. With this in mind, I perhaps need to be a bit more careful with Madoka in this chain going forward. From what you've wrote, though, I think I've nailed how I want Sayaka to come across here, and that's good.

Spoiler for Kyubey:

I'm not going to go off on the Kyubey is evil thing, I'll save that some other time. However, it's apparent that Kyubey is taking interest in Madoka's doubts and insecurities and will probably take advantage of it. I mean out of all the Magical Girl he encountered, Madoka had always been his number one interest and will take any opportunity to make her a Magical Girl. With the current situation, it's a perfect opportunity to be sneaky and persuasive about it.

Agreed. I think Coldlight has been a bit disappointed in my handling of Kyubey so far, and I can understand why. This update is in large part to address that, and make Kyubey more of a shrewdly scheming and manipulative bastard, like his anime self.

Excellent work on the Sayaka x Madoka romance chapter and I enjoyed the way you described how closer they've gotten and how all of that is possibly being threatened. Adding Kyubey to the mix adds to the suspense and your sense of timing on that was almost too perfect (have you read too much thriller novels?). It's a calm before the storm and it's getting intense, you've outdid yourself again, can't wait, excellent job.

Thanks a lot! I've always been a drama/suspense lover, so hopefully I've picked up a few things over time when it comes to good dramatic timing.

Mami Lives, Madoka Stands Alone Scenario

Madoka is the odd one out due to her not being a Magical Girl, while the others have that said responsibility. It gives us a look on how Madoka feels about Homura, Sayaka, and Mami, and wanting to be with them, especially Homura, whom by now has triggered a romance flag with her at this point.

Now much to say but looking forward to some Madoka x Homura development.

That probably will come in the next Mami Lives update, yeah.

Okay grading time:

Spoiler for Pros:

The Mami scenario was cute, funny, heartwarming, I enjoyed every minute of it. The Sayaka scenario was cute at first, then went dark, and left me in suspense and makes want to read more. I'll give you a 9.5/10, congrats, your work, as always, earns every minute of my time.

Spoiler for Cons:

The Hitomi passing and moving forward seemed rushed and the last scenario didn't really have much going on. That's all.

Keep up the phenomenal work as always and I look forward to your next update! Take your time...as always you rock!!

Thanks a lot! I admit that the situation with Hitomi probably could have been finessed better, but I'm a bit biased towards speedy plots, and that probably comes up in my writing, lol.

I'm probably over my writer's block now, so hopefully the next Mami Lives update will be up within a few days (after the next Main Route update).

Spoiler for Kogetsu Shirogane response:

Originally Posted by Kogetsu Shirogane

Ah, back to this side of things... it feels like it's been half a month since we saw a "hasn't died yet" Mami.

lol, sorry about that. It is good to get back to the Mami Lives side of things, yeah.

Spoiler for Delicious M&M:

A beach trip, huh? I'm kinda in agreement with Madoka about the timing being a little inappropriate, but I can understand the logic behind it all. I mean, the last time someone close to me had passed, I spent the week between finding out about it and the funeral distracting myself from thinking too much of it... but if I go on about that, I'll never get to what I'm supposed to be talking about.

Anyway, it was nice to see Kazuki getting referenced again, and I couldn't help but chuckle at Sayaka teasing Madoka... Speaking of references, I noticed someone's history was brought up again...

Fast forwarding a bit... given my recent exposure to Grief Syndrome, I must say that the thought of someone destroying TV screens appeals to me... largely because I literally have to "cheat" my way through the last portion before Elly, due to the massive CPU drain preventing me from playing through normally... er, sorry, that's unrelated... anyway, nice use of a certain Ep10 witch. Guess there's really no other way for those to come up, huh?

Meanwhile, while I really don't want to jinx things, it looks as though my decision to encourage Sayaka to make her wish in front of Kamijo may have actually been a good one. That's a bit of a relief, given how poorly my gambles tend to turn out.

Mami's casual flirting was rather funny... and her interactions with Junko and Tatsuya were great. I especially like the latter's dialogue... ROSSSO PANTAZZZMAAA!

However, it seems as though Homura is a bully now... I guess that makes sense, though I'd imagine that means the blue-haired violinist from a certain special end wouldn't have liked her very much.

Anyway... don't feel too badly, Mami. While the pain of losing your own family will probably never go away, you may very well have a place in the Kaname household.

I'm glad that Mami's logic on the beach trip resonated with you. That's good.

Loved your red references to a certain someone, as well as the neat observation on bully Homura and Sayaka's daughter in a certain special ending.

Yes, I was serious about using these nicknames... though there's a slight addition to the last one, to account for the fact it can still go one of two ways.

Thanks to you, I'll never see Skittles or M and Ms the same way again!
"Empty Candy Dish" is hilariously consistent and well-put.

Spoiler for Scrumptious Skittles:

A cute start to this section, though it became clear pretty early that my worries that this all seemed a bit "too easy" weren't for nothing. Madoka's insecurities about Sayaka when it comes to Kamijo are certainly understandable, and Kyubey isn't exactly helping matters... Using this as leverage is certainly a dirty move on his part, though I guess I really should expect it.

Have to admit, this is quite an unusual love triangle... and it's a bit of a twist to see one in a VN(ish fanfic) that actually has the PC being one of the options, rather than the person ultimately making the decision. On the other hand, I do believe Sayaka was being sincere when she said she wanted to be with Madoka.

Rather like Madoka's new outfit here. Rather nice of Sayaka to use her, erm, Japanese Express card to pay for that... especially considering the fact she can't exactly afford to pay the bill right away. Then again, considering the relationship involved... which reminds me, it's nice to see my concerns over keeping Mami in the dark weren't necessary... though it seems Mami feels like she missed an opportunity.

Quite interesting to see how Sayaka handles things when her parents are around. And there's a rather cute image you've put in my head of Sayaka combing Madoka's hair, too. Unfortunately... it seems Sayaka having some lingering feelings for Kamijo may very well be an issue here. As is a certain white rat...

Madoka! Don't believe Kyubey's lies half-truths!!

(On the other hand, I have to admit I'm a little curious as to what a scenario with PM Madoka and normal girl Sayaka would be like.)

Japanese Express - Never Leave Tokyo Without It!

Sayaka's being sincere, but hearts can waver. You remember True Tears?

Spoiler for Tasty Dark Chocolate/Empty Candy Dish:

It seems Madoka being the odd girl out makes her feel lonely... which is actually what I was expecting this was going to be like. "Curt Sayaka" is rather depressing, though I guess I shouldn't be surprised here, either.

Meanwhile... I'm actually kinda curious as to how a meeting we likely won't be seeing will go. And, obviously... more Kyubey trolling. Guy just can't take no for an answer, can he?

Er... sorry I didn't exactly say much here, there wasn't exactly much to talk about.

At any rate, nice job here. Hope to see more soon.

Thanks a lot! Glad you enjoyed it.