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Old 2010-06-22, 22:27   Link #3892
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 30
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
It doesn't matter where the term originated from in your life. You're re-using it. You've used it at least twice that I've seen. You are judging.
You don't expect me to recreate that perspective with another set of words that never come out of their mouths don't you? That is putting words in other people's mouth. Though fun to use at teasing, it isn't right to do it seriously.

Besides I hashed them in open and closed inverted commas to point that it is ad verbatim, not from my own perspective.

What you said to your family was insensitive, so while I doubt that they hate you, it would not surprise me if you offended them. It isn't logical or rational that we try to avoid the inevitable, but we're not robots. There are bad things that are unpleasant to think about, because they are emotionally painful. If you have an autism spectrum disorder then the concept of emotions in others may be more difficult to understand, but otherwise you have the same feelings, too, so why is it surprising?
I don't think sensitivity matters when that poor old man is suffering. He is hanging onto his life which he should have let go, and my relatives are hanging onto a hope that he will just suddenly recover, and in turn, giving him a false hope that it will.

It's called a miracle because it doesn't happen. It has got nothing to do with reality but everything to do with logic.

Additionally, the only thing worse than having someone who brings down the mood by predicting doom and gloom all the time is having someone say "I told you so" when bad things do happen. It isn't helpful. Really. You're not being a good friend to anyone by doing things like that, because it just makes them feel worse. You seem to have very high standards for friendship, but are you meeting your own criteria? Would you want to be friends with yourself?
I never enjoyed telling "I told you so" to them, but nonetheless it is more effective than "so what do we do next?" to snap them out of their disbelief.

There isn't anything wrong with feeling bad about a mistake. I do feel bad about my mistakes too, however I get over it and focus on the salvage operation, which is the most logical thing to do rather than stand there and fap. The mysterious thing is that people tend to blame jinxes rather than their stupidity when they do something wrong.

Make no mistake, I do that at times too, though I do tell myself there isn't any use blaming anyone because it has already happened. That is how I keep myself moving forward.

It sounds like you tend to dwell on negative outcomes. If that's true, then people rightly are branding you as negative. I can't remark on the blame element, but it's probably not as simple as you're making it out to be.
There isn't anything wrong with dwelling on negative outcomes if it has a high probability of happening. When you are down, you fall back down to your support line and there is no where else to go but up.

I hate optimists, but I enjoy being in the company of idealists. The former does something and hopes for the best, the latter aim high and do their best. Similarly, I also enjoy being with pragmatists rather than pessimists, the latter plan to fail, whereas the former sets a support line they can fall on so they don't end up failing.

The biggest problem with many I have observed, is that they often mix pragmatists with pessimists. I am a pragmatist because I plan for worst case scenarios and work my way up to avoid it, however I always keep in mind that shit happens.

I don't see why this matters. Everything is relative. Those terms and words are defined in a dictionary, but their meanings when it comes to real life are not absolute. I highly doubt that any two people will have the exact views on what those terms mean, such that they would interpret and act in various scenarios in the same way. Does it bother you that not everyone regards them with the exact same interpretation that you do?
It bothers me when people enforce their definition on me. Honestly, it dragged too long because I kept going "hmm ok" rather than launch into a long ended debate, like I usually do with counselors and social workers.

Incidentally, I found out that a large number of counselors knew less than they should in their line of work - they orient themselves towards emotion manipulation than logical exchanges. How is that able to work on a patient who doesn't even understand emotion in the first place?

Honesty is a good standard to demand from your friends, but I think that you're taking it a little bit too far. Laughing and putting on a smile for other people, even if you don't really feel jovial, isn't about being a con-artist. It's a way of connecting with others and making them feel better. If you walk around with a frown on your face and are always talking about death, destruction, and disasters, of course nobody would want to be around you. That's depressing. It isn't that people are unaware of those things, it's that people don't want to be thinking about them non-stop. We have finite time on this planet - would you rather spend it worrying over things that are completely out of your control, or dealing with the negative things that are bound to come up while also trying to enjoy what life has to offer?
In times like this, it is hard to avoid those topics. If you read the news everyday, everything looks bleak unlike the 1990s. Even the rally news have such big loopholes I couldn't ignore.

Besides I am not going to tell them to overextend their confidence in the stock market or focus all their energy on some four or three year degree that will yield them a overly-comfortable job that turn them into high-maintenance executives. I always preach that unless you are in a government job, there is no such thing as high job security (our government takes care of their workers, unless they are fundamentally screwed up. These screwed up people are just a minority).

However, I do agree that there is finite time on this planet. That is why I spend less and less time mingling with people and more time trying to salvage what I can from my life. The problem now is how to ignore those people around me trying to push me around - I envied deaf people because they don't have to listen to others, but I pity them because they can't listen to music.

Why do you think it's illogical? It makes perfect sense. You even said it yourself: a person's outlook is largely cultivated by what they have been through. When you are a child you have very little control over what experiences you will encounter. As an adult there will still be experiences that are beyond your control, but you have more control over your life. You can choose where to go and when; you have more power over the types of people that you will associate with. Where you go, who you associate with, what you do - those are your experiences, and while you are arguably not as malleable as you were as a child, they still impact on your, your life, and your views.
Erm, in fact it is really less than possible to choose the people you want to associate with. Ever heard of bad-talking and back-stabbing?

Our current world has shrunk so much that influences, whether good or bad, real or fake, spread readily. Trust is more difficult to earn than it looks.

There is another level to that, as well, which is the power of thought. The external stimuli that we are exposed to each day are our experiences. However, we internalize our experiences and think about them. Everyone perceives events and actions differently. You do have some power of control over your thought process. For example, there is a mental exercise to keep a notebook and write five to ten things that were good about each day (this has apparently been reincarnated as an iPhone app, as well). The premise behind it is that most people don't appreciate their lives, and they tend to focus on the bad things that happen in each day. By forcing yourself to find good things in each day, you begin to train yourself to stop focusing on the negatives quite so often and to find good things. You begin to appreciate things as they come.
I do actually appreciate my verbal language comprehension ability is so low that it is an effective excuse to ignore people I don't like. No really, I do seriously appreciate it and accept that fact that having problems understanding others is a good thing.

And that's just one example - in theory the mind and thought process can be altered in a conscious manner, although it requires a bit of work and habit-forming. Isn't that what Pascal said? 'Habit leads to automation, and automation leads the mind.'
Yeah, and when going across the beach hunting for gold, test against your slate, and throw when it isn't, it becomes an automation when you really pick up a piece of gold.

As far as I agree with Pascal about psychological control, I don't agree with the concept of automation part : automation should only be used for a series of short-terms, and NEVER, NEVER for personal life and financial management.

This explains a lot about your world view and the views that you hold, although I won't claim to understand you entirely through it. However, I will say this: it's unlikely that people brand you a weirdo due to any brain conditions that you may have. They probably aren't aware of it. Furthermore, anyone can be branded as a "weirdo" by anyone else. Nearly all of us on this forum are likely to be branded as weird in our own ways, and yet many of us would classify other users as "weirdos" as well. It's not a bad thing or an insult (although some people use it that way).
It becomes an insult when others use it as an excuse to avoid being with you. It is akin to a fashionista calling an otaku stupid for spending his money on figurines when the former splurges his on fashionable clothes, then spreading rumours based on stereotypes. There is a fine line between general speaking and effective branding.

Although our genetic makeup is the same, everyone of us think differently, some slight, some radical. What I do not get is why some others actively and overtly ostracise the latter.

Those kids who ran Columbine aren't sick in the first place. Neither is MJ. It is strange that they have to deal with something they need not in the first place.

When three puppygirls named after pastries are on top of each other, it is called Eclair a'la menthe et Biscotti aux fraises avec beaucoup de Ricotta sur le dessus.
Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.
SaintessHeart is offline   Reply With Quote