[MeisterBabylon]

Originally Posted by Chaos2Frozen

I was going through the old OC thread looking for material to write a certain type of fic that would "cause-men-to-cross-their-legs-together" if you know what I mean... Half way through I got Nostalgic and decided to do this little piece of craziness for old times sake. I typed this using my iTouch, so it might not be in the best of conditions

Enjoy.

Spoiler for Breaking the Chains:

The room was pitching black.

One could make out several humanoid shapes moving around in the dark, whispering softly to each other as they search for something in frustration.

Suddenly, one of them yelped, and a flash of light soon followed.

That damn candle had finally been lit; the other members of this dark gathering sighed before settling into their respective seats, guided by the pathetically dim light of the candle.

"Now that we found the back-up candle…" One of the dark beings stood up and planted his hands on the desk in front of him, "We'll continue with the meeting…"

"I still don't get why we can't just turn on the lights..."

"Traditions."

"First, I would like to extend a warm welcome to Erio, who had finally decided to join us at last... So tell me, what changed your mind?"

"It's as you've warned me Chrono-san! Recently I've been pushed aside and my script time has dropped! Even my relationship with Caro can't save me! There are talks that I might not even be included in the third PSP game! I need to find a way out otherwise It wouldn't be long till I become extinct like the rest of you!"

The other three men winced at those poisonous, stabbing words.

"I don't want to get a dead end job like Yuuno-san! Or get married off screen like Chrono-san! Or lose my speech like Zafira! Or become utterly and completely forgotten like Acous!"

"Thanks for close captioning our pain..." Yuuno grumbled.

"Erm well yes, thank for that illuminating background exposition Erio," Chrono coughed. "The purpose of this dark gathering is to discuss our battle strategy. While the 'main characters' are away on another company paid vacation, we must come up with a plan to get rid of this stigma and regain our reputation as main characters!"

"Which reminds me, Verossa?" Yuuno narrowed his eyes.

"Yes?"

"Why are YOU here? You weren't even close to main character status! Not even at the time of your inception!"

"Zafira's here too."'Acous pointed out.

"At least he was once a main antagonist! Why the hell are you trying to get main character status now?!"

"Yuuno please! This is no time to fighting among ourselves! We must put aside our petty difference and all the times we had pranked each other!"

"THAT WAS ALL YOU TWO!"

"Are you trying to deny those times where you sneaked into the girls' room to spy on them?"

"CHRONO MADE ME DO IT! HE THREATEN TO DOCK MY PAY IF I DIDN'T!!" Yuuno exploded.

"Enough finger pointing! We can discuss Yuuno's sins after we get our reputation back!" Chrono spoke firmly and shamelessly.

"Aargh!!" The young man threw his arms up in frustration.

"B-Back to the issue at hand;" Erio nerviously steered the topic back on track. "How do we go about doing that? The Nanoha series has an overwhelming female dominance and they're just getting larger! Well there's that new guy..."

"So? We've all been there..." Yuuno spat. "Chrono was season one's new guy, Zafira was A's, Even you yourself was that new guy once and look where that got us? Chewed and spat out like some used sex toy and left to pout like a scantily dressed prostitute reclined on a street lamp..."

Everyone stared at him.

"... Oh crap i've been infected by Chrono!" Yuuno cried in horror as he realized what he had just said.

"Well yes, I admit the situation is bleak," Chrono coughed "But thats because we've been playing by their rules! The higher ups lined things up for their victory from the very beginning. It’s like making a rigged bet. It’s made so you can’t win and you lose your money. There’s no way to get out of here by following the rules. We can try to win by the rules anyway, we can try to find a loophole in the rules, or we can throw the chess board to the ground and go on a rampage. Those are our options.”

"So what are you proposing?" Acous asked.

"There are characters out there that are in our situation, but yet they were able to break free from the shackles of an overly female populated series to become famous! We must seek out these heroes and learn their secrets on how to remain popular in a female dominated series!"

"Male characters that remain popular even in a female majority environment?! Do such legendary heroes actually exist?! Even harem series are less about the male character and more on the quality and quantity of the girls!" Erio exclaimed.

"Yes! Not only do they exist, they even walk among the living right now! Gentlemen! Forurge sake of our script time and popularity, we must seek out these champions and learnt their secrets!"

"Well what are we waiting for?! Let's bounce bitches!"

"..." Everyone stared at Yuuno.

Acous leans in and whispered.

"What did you do to him?"

Chrono shook his head solemly.

"Too much..."

****************

"How to become a popular male character in a female majority series?"

"Yes, I would like to learn how did you two pulled it off." Acous nodded.

"Hmmm... If I have to say something... It's probably... That thing isn't it..."

"That thing?"

"Yes, that thing."

"... Care to elaborate?" Acous asked patiently.

"You know, the dreams of all men; the harem route of course!" Sugisaki Ken declared with hot blooded passion.

"But not all Harem leads are popular," Acous pointed out.

"Humph, those are nothing more that relics of a past era! Let me teach you something good..." Katsuragi Keima pushed up his glasses for added effect. "A protagonist... Does not require a bland personality!!!"

"W-What?!"

"All this time people were getting the wrong idea! The reason why protagonists were made to be normal was so they could adapt easily to the uniqueness of the heroine! But that's just a lazy excuse to half assed a character! It might work in the past but the modern world have no use for those out of date standards!!"

"Look at yourself!" Keima pointed an accusing finger at Acous, "Polite, intelligence, well mannered, and friendly... All positive traits... ALL USELESS AND BLAND! You're nothing but a relic! A dinosaur! No, even worse, you're a trilobite! Even if you get yourself a harem, you would end up being overshadowed by them just as you are right now!"

"...So what should I do?"

"DEVIATE! Become different! Your personality must be even more radical than the girls! The key is persistence and pacing! You must force them into your own tune rather than to be led around by them! Nice guys always finish last!"

"That's Right!" Sugisaki suddenly injected. "Girls always say they want smart, gentle and funny guys; That's nothing but a lie! So go free and chase all the skirt you want!"

"Erm, I don't even have a harem yet..." Said Acous.

"Thats easy! All harems start with a single act of recklessness! Whether it's making a childhood promise, walking in on a girl changing, or signing a pact without reading the fine print! You must be the kind of man that would do something so stupid that any ordinary human would never do!"

"...Er, okay... Basically, the secret to success is... To be crazy, perverted and stupid?"

"Got a problem with that, supporting character-kun?" both main characters gave him the evil eye.

"...Nothing."


******************


"Eh? Our popularity?" Hideyoshi Kinoshita had a surprised look on his face.

"Constantly both you were well within your top five rankings in your popularity contest! Chrono insisted that you were the right person for me to be asking advice from given our roughly similar personalities! I'm not dreaming of anything big! I just want to be recognized as a real character instead of a mascot!"

"Well let's see... You have to polite... And kind... And gentle... and courtesy... And know how to cook... And remember all their birthdays... You might need to know how to make their hearts go doki-doki..." Ayasaki Hayate listed out the points slowly. "Oh and use alot of parodies!"

"I'VE ALREADY TRIED THOSE! Don't you have anything that sets you apart from other losers- I mean, nice guys?!"

"Well... I have incredibly bad luck with money..." Hayate replied as-a-matter-of-factly.

"...Anything else besides of that? "

"Have you tried changing to a more radical personality?" Hideyoshi suggested.

"...Yes, and it didn't work! I don't want to be someone else! I just want to be me! I won't give Chrono the satisfaction of corrupting me again! So I'm begging you two please help me!! Both of you are nice people, yet you can still be popular! Please teach me your secret!!"

Seeing Yuuno bowing to them like that, both Hideyoshi and Hayate can't help but feel sympathetic for him.

They looked at each other.

" Well... There is one more thing you can do..."

"Really?!" Yuuno perk up.

"Yeah, but I won't recommend it... Once you do this there's no turning back..."

"I don't care! I'll do anything!"

Hideyoshi and Hayate looked at each other one more time before answering him.

"... How do you feel about cross dressing?"

Suddenly the reason why Chrono sent him specifically to those two made so much sense.

******************

Elsewhere...

"Hmm... According to what I have learnt from Negi Springfield, being English seem to help alot... But more important is to have a rival of some sort... As well as the tendency to accidentally destroy clothes... Hmmm... I have to be quick while the competition for Mahou shounen characters isn't fierce yet... But what should I do?"

Erio struggled to make sense of it all.

That's when he saw the advertisement in the papers.

The next day Erio dyed his hair blond and went to audition for Dog Days, leaving the others to fend for themselves.


******************


"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

Zafira stared at the strange creature in front of him, uncertain as to why Chrono would assure him that this thing is a popular male character in an all female cast.

"Would you like me to grant you a wish?" Kyubey asked politely.

******************

Somewhere else in Japan...

"You were number one in the male character rankings as well as the mixed gender rankings in the light novel rankings... In the anime you were always in the top four spots on Newtype, even higher than the female characters on your show! And you've also frequently turn side characters into main characters that went on to be successful themselves and even started their own harems! It is you who will elevate me to main character status! You alone have the power to break free these shackles of Destiny!!" Chrono declared to him.

"Erm, thanks I guess?" Kamijou Touma scratched his head in confusion.

"You're welcome." Chrono nodded. "Please share with me your secret."

"I don't really have any thing like that, I just do what comes to me naturally... So I don't have that kind of power you're looking for... In the first place, isn't this abit odd?"

"What do you mean?"

"In the first place, does a Level 0 like me really seem that incredible?" Touma asked.

"Erm well..."

"Main Character? Status? Stop kidding around! Can’t you save someone if you’re not standing at that spot?!"

"Erm well... Wait, what?"

"If there are people In front of your eyes that are crying... If there are people in front of your eyes that can only clench their teeth while struggling and can’t even say the words ‘please save me’!Is that not enough reason to stand up?"

"I just want my status back... I don't get to do anything these days!"

"If that’s what you think, why haven't you reached out your hand to someone who was asking for help?”

"Erm..."

"Unlike me, someone like you actually have a great power inside right? If there's a nuclear missile about to launch and you had the keys to stop, do you really need to consider whether you should do it or not? Do you need someone to give you a title to do it?"

"Well..."

"You don’t need special positions or reasons! There's no rule that only a main character can save people! Even if you're a side character you would still use that key to stop that missile! If you don't have that key then just break the lock! With these feelings, you can step up and be a shield for others! And then people will see you as a main character!”

"..."

"In the end the only one restricting you is yourself, the weight of those shackles are just the doubt in your heart! If you're a man then get stronger for someone else's sake! Clench your teeth and protect them with all your might! Even if you fall, all you have to do is get back up! If you can at least do this, then you're already a hero."

"Erm... I'm still not entirely sure, but thanks?"

" No problem."

"hmmm, guess I better get going, another time then?"

Chrono held out his hand and Touma shook it.

*pachii!*

"What was that?" Chrono asked. "I thought I heard something?"

"NOT AGAIN-! I MEAN NOTHING! It was nothing!" Touma panicky replied before running as fast as he could in the opposite direction.

"What an odd guy..." Chrono mumbled as he ponders about what the boy had said.

"Oh Chrono there you are!" a familiar sweet voice called out to him from behind.

"Fate? Aren't you guys back early?"Chrono turned around.

Without warning, his barrier jacket exploded into a million pieces in front of Fate.

"What was that?" Yuuno looked up from his research.

"You tell me, Librarian." Khayenne replied over the videolink. "I'm on the other side of the Inner Sphere."

"It sounded like breaking glass."

"Considering that the Infinite Library is made up of several Dyson spheres linked into Klein bottles that fold on to themselves..." Routan stopped himself after realizing that he made no sense. "...simply put, a Fourth Wall breaking?"

His best pal shot an unimpressed glance. "Because of what, some lost characters that have been stuffed in a corner and completely forgotten, now trying to break out?"

The paladin looked intrigued. "You may have something there..."

Yuuno laughed. "How about no?"

"Aren't you suppose to be here on the Athra-D, any way?" Kha continued. "The twins are starting their first assignment on this ship any moment now. Already, we got almost everyone present."

"Almost?"

"You know how the ladies are just married to their jobs in the Inner Sphere."

"And we're free as birds." Yuuno twiddled his engagement ring. "I like it that way. We get all the cool jobs in the Outer Rim, explore the multiverse, kick ass and chew bubblegum."

"And we're all out of gum," Kha finished. "Either way, don't be late. I'm Chief of Security on this ship, which means Seikou turned me into Chief Butler of the Hallaoun party."

Yuuno had a mental image of the Starlight Destroyer waving the Luciferon Heart and then poof, Kha was one hell of a butler.

"So you better be on time, or I'll sic the twins on you."

~~~~~~

Just a reply, from inside the Fourth Wall.