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Old 2012-03-24, 20:53   Link #212
relentlessflame
 
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Age: 41
To throw a totally different angle into the mix here (again only based on the books up to Vol. 5), I think we should consider the secondary motivations Holo has for bringing the issue up in the way she did. Keep in mind that Holo is portrayed as always being many steps ahead of Lawrence, and whatever she does or says has meanings that we don't always see at first. Also, keep in mind that Holo is terribly prideful, and doesn't like to admit any feelings that make her seem weak or needy.

Holo and Lawrence's relationship had progressed as far as it could on a platonic level. They were basically at the "more than friends, but not quite lovers" stage. This issue of how their relationship was perceived was a central theme in Volume 4, and came home to roost in Volume 5. Holo already said that she had gotten used to the idea of being by Lawrence's side until death, but she knows full well that Lawrence isn't going to spend his entire life travelling the world -- his dream is to settle down and set-up shop in a town. What would it mean to stand by Lawrence's side until death in that context? Certainly not in the current "more than friends, not quite lovers" state. When she says that she's gotten used to the idea of being "by his side", she means as a companion in the truest sense -- as his lover. (This goes back to the "what are you to me?" from an earlier volume as well.) Remember, she thinks many steps ahead. But there is no way in hell that the prideful Holo is going to "confess" to Lawrence, and not just because of pride but because she's imposing on him in a hugely unbalanced way. Holo being willing to stay by Lawrence for his lifespan is one thing, but life to a human is fleeting in comparison (this was covered in the early volumes of the novel).

Forcing a decision point at this juncture is critical because they would certainly have drifted apart if Lawrence was unwilling to take things to the next level. The events in Volume 5 brought Lawrence right on the cusp of his dream of becoming a town merchant, and that necessarily forces his relationship with Holo to change. And even if it hadn't worked out (and it didn't), the day would come eventually. There are basically only two choices on the horizon: either they become lovers, or they part ways. Having looked ahead and seen that eventuality was what was frustrating to Holo, particularly because she always sees so many steps ahead (unlike Lawrence who is just living in the moment). Holo could not take the next move down the first path (Lawrence had to make the first move), but she could force Lawrence's hand by setting things down the second path. So, that's exactly what she did.

So all that to say, I think the main issue here isn't "what was Holo thinking?" or "what was Holo afraid of?" but actually "what was Holo trying to accomplish". As they said in Volume 1, the value of a lie isn't in the lie itself, but in the motivation behind it. While I don't think Holo was lying, I think the chain of events she was trying to force tells us more about her intentions than anything else. Keep in mind that, at the end of Volume 5, Lawrence -- life in shambles -- does return and confess. He chose Holo over his erstwhile dream. Now, the path ahead for the two of them is clear; they have both accepted the idea that they can stay together until Lawrence dies, even though they may well "fall out of love" with each other. Lawrence wants to put his all into this relationship so that he they can both smile at the end, and that's what Holo really needed him to tell her -- that she's an integral part of any future he can see. Love trumps the fear of farewell.
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