Thread: Dating
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Old 2007-12-13, 03:04   Link #316
I love clouds...
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Pittsburgh area, Pennsylvania
Age: 30
Hey bluejazz87, I thought Iíd share my thoughts on your situation. First of all, as a sort of disclaimer, I want to say that the only advice I can give you is advice that comes from my way of thinking, which will not necessarily mesh with yours, so donít feel bad if what I say doesnít resonate with you at all.

What's your goal in dating? Is it to find companionship with the added benefit of sexual gratification? Is it simply to find friendship? Is it to find a person who you connect with in a very deep way?

If you're looking for friendship with the added benefit of sexual gratification, it might work better to separate the two. Be friends with your friends, and go out, party, and have fun with other people who are also looking for some sexual gratification. This may or may not work for you or be what you're really looking for, but if you think that friendship with the added benefit of sexual gratification is indeed what you're looking for, it may be worthwhile to give it a try.

If you're simply looking for friendship, then I would suggest you go about it in a more natural way. You know, don't worry about getting her number, don't worry about reading into the subtle looks and things like that, don't worry about taking any opportunity to talk to her. Just let things flow naturally, like you would if you were looking for friendship with anyone (and not desperate). If you get along, you'll naturally gravitate towards one another as long as you don't push her away, and if you don't really get along too well, you won't get closer, but that will be ok.

If you're looking to find someone who you deeply connect with, someone who you can show the weaker sides of your self to, someone you can understand profoundly, someone to share your life with in a way closer than friendship, then you're probably looking for what I'm looking for in dating. Here's how I go about things:

I try to reach out to people, but also be sensitive to what they want and not be intrusive. The most important thing, I think, is to strive to express to other people who you really are. The real you. A person can't know if they get along with you if they don't know the real you, right? And, I try to start with friendship. If I spend enough time with someone as their friend, and we are kindred souls, I think that with time we will mutually discover that. It also takes some courage to tell someone how you really feel, but before it's time for that, I think you can tell that there's something there, even if you're not completely sure. Things tend to go step by step, and they do reach that point if the person is right for you. At least, that's what I believe. There are some Miyavi lyrics on this subject that I really like:

If, for example, you wish to be held by someone some night, You should gently hug the person next to you first.

"And then, if by chance you were to fall in love with someone,
If you're precious to that person you'd be loved by them too, right?

At anytime we're connected somewhere.

We love you,
the world loves you.

No matter how hard, just by feeling in my heart,
that you are there, I can pull through it.

We love you...
Look, the whole world, even at this very moment
Somebody loves someone.

We love you,
the world loves you.

So it's ok, just the way you are, the real you.

Everyday we love you, anytime we love you."

-end of lyrics-

I honestly think that worry and fear are the biggest obstacles to overcome in the search for love (if you've searched yourself and found out what it is you truly want, that is, and if you understand that it's not good enough to want to be loved. The desire to love others must come first. But, assuming you understand that). So, my principal piece of advice would be to try not to worry about these things, try to just be happy, and let your interactions with other people go as they will, while at the same time striving to develop meaningful connections with others through sharing your feelings and listening/striving to understand the feelings of others.
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