2007-03-17, 16:57 | Link #743 |
Ha ha ha ha ha...
Graphic Designer
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Right behind you.
Age: 35
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Office Policy
-->Insert standard Spectacular_Insanity disclaimer here
Dress Code: 1. You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. 3. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. 4. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. Sick Days: We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Personal Days: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays. Bereavement Leave: 1. This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. 2. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements. 3. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. 4. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. Bathroom Breaks: 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. 3. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy. Lunch Break: 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. The Management
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2007-03-17, 18:39 | Link #744 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
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@Spectacular_Insanity: You know, if that was the rule of a real company, I'd sue them in a heartbeat for "crimes against employees."
BTW, do you happen to have a smaller version of OH SNAP! gif? I think it's time for me to change my avatar. |
2007-03-18, 04:42 | Link #746 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
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What is love?
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZqPHM19lU6A |
2007-03-18, 05:42 | Link #747 |
( ಠ_ಠ)
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Somewhere, between the sacred silence and sleep
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Well, here's an old joke in Japan.
No idea where it originated from, but it's been around for years. At a certain university, the professor asks female student A a question. "What certain part of the body grows to six times the original size in certain condition." The student A blushes, and replies "This is not an appropriate question. I'm going to report this to the school for harrasment." The professor looks calm, and repeats the same question to student B. Female student B answers the question easily. "The pupil of the eye. In the dark, it grows to approximately six times the original size." Professor answers "That is correct, Ms. B. And I three things to say to Ms. A." "One, pay attention in class." "Two, get your mind out of the gutter." "And three, if you REALLY think it grows to six times the original size, one day, you will truely be dissapointed."
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2007-03-18, 09:28 | Link #749 | |
Waitress Fetish ♥
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I've found something pretty amusing the other day and thought i should post it, although some of it might be offensive ^_~
Quote:
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2007-03-19, 11:59 | Link #752 |
Ha ha ha ha ha...
Graphic Designer
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Right behind you.
Age: 35
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How to Destroy the Earth
Ridiculously funny technical analysis of how we can destroy the planet. My favorite method: Decayed You will need: all-surpassing patience Method: If the Big Crunch doesn't happen, and the Big Rip doesn't happen either, then we come back to the third option: the Big Chill. For this, the universe will just expand, forever. The laws of thermodynamics take over. Every galaxy becomes isolated from its neighbours. All the stars burn out. Everything gets colder until it's all the same temperature. And after that, nothing ever changes in the universe. For eternity. A lot can happen in an eternity. Protons, for example, while incredibly stable, are believed to eventually decay like any other particle. So simply wait for a period of time of the order of 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 years, and roughly half of the constituent particles of Earth will have decayed into positrons and pions. If that's still too much like a planet for you, you could wait for another 1036 years, leaving only a quarter of the original Earth. Or wait even longer. Eventually there will be as little of Earth left as you wish. Earth's final resting place: Miscellaneous positrons and gamma radiation (pions decay almost instantly into gamma ray photons) scattered thinly across the entire universe. Comments: It's interesting to compare this method with the one right at the top (total existence failure). What we are essentially doing here is almost exactly the same thing, only instead of expecting every particle to disappear at once, we are waiting patiently for a significant proportion of them to disappear, one at a time, over the course of an unimaginable period of time. Essentially we've come full circle. The scientific theories involved are the same, it's just the time scale being considered which changes the feasibility rating from "astoundingly improbable" to: Feasibility rating: 9/10. If all else fails, this one would be essentially unstoppable... Source: This method suggested by Joseph Verock.
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2007-03-19, 15:02 | Link #753 | |
cho~ kakkoii
Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: 3rd Planet
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Quote:
And for my own meek contribution, I present you a case of a: Bad Hairday
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2007-03-19, 15:28 | Link #754 | |
Umeboshi!
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Tejas
Age: 48
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Quote:
Wakko doing the 50 US states and capitals. The US Presidents. And the related Pinky and the Brain singing the parts of the brain.
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2007-03-26, 00:47 | Link #756 |
♪♫ Maya Iincho ♩♬
Artist
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More funny pictures and suches. Will fill as i find them. Don't take any offence to some of them. (for tonight that is)
Spoiler:
Now what were these called again? These kind of images? My professor showed me a site once of them, but i lost the address.
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2007-03-26, 14:21 | Link #757 |
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Age: 41
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Ever wanted to learn Swedish in fun way? Here's your chance! Well, you won't actually learn anything, but you'll most likely get a good laugh.
I'm guessing that those who don't understand any Swedish at all, basically everyone here, will enjoy lessons 2, 3 and 5 (especially 5) the most. Oh, by the way: Warning! May contain mature language (all lessons) and images (lesson 2). Lesson 1 - Homographs (funny) Lesson 2 - Inflections and putting spaces where they don't belong (very funny) Lesson 3 - "Something stranger" (very funny) Lesson 4 (funny) Lesson 5 - Tongue twisters (hilarious) I feel sorry for the poor Englishman, but at least he's having fun. |
2007-03-30, 11:01 | Link #758 |
♪♫ Maya Iincho ♩♬
Artist
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More funny Japanese Videos. I found this one to be quite hilarious, espicially the extra large snowball and boulder parts. ^_^
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/491522/funny
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2007-03-30, 12:29 | Link #759 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Finland
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Quote:
Funniest clip was when the guy turns around corner with bicycle. "OH SHI-" |
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humor |
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