2009-01-23, 17:10 | Link #12023 | |
Soldier of Nod
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2009-01-23, 18:45 | Link #12025 | |
Cute things, sharp teeth.
Join Date: Jul 2008
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We're BACK! Just some small things first though: 'allyway' --> 'alleyway' 'The paper was void of words' --> 'the sheet/piece of paper was void of words' 'Several pellets of metal embedded in the stone behind us and the concrete beneath our bodies.' --> '... got/became embedded ...' or '... embedded themselves ...' (point here is that a verb is needed, otherwise the use of 'embedded' is that of an adjective, which leaves the sentence hanging. And I sure hope the bits of metal got embedded into the concrete beneath them BEFORE they landed there.... Spoiler for the other story:
OH oh...A |
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2009-01-23, 19:00 | Link #12026 | |||
Beta by Accident
Author
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Maine
Age: 52
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@JimmyC: Upon reflection, I've decided that you're right, but I've also decided that the place to mention it is also Chapter 4, when Vivio and her classmate are talking. Since I'd used that scene to introduce the "Vivio gets snarky at being Heika-ed" concept, it makes sense to tag on a "If it bugs you so much, why do you stay at the Saint Church school where you're surrounded by way too many people who do that" comment, which lets Vivio explain, in turn, why she didn't take the obvious route of transferring to a TASB military academy when she's already decided to become a combat mage.
This looks like an intriguing teaser, but I don't recognize the material the AU is based on. Got to love Badass!Yuuno, though! Quote:
Jack gets all the good lines. Nice reference to A's Ep. 1, too. Quote:
I liked the Blaze/Fury/Glory scene; even if they are just generic bad guys, it's good to give them some character with their evil. If they're not generic bad guys, of course, then it's vital that we the readers get to see more of them that "Hurt! Maim! Kill!" Watching A's with my wife once the DVDs came (my second time through, her first), it was fun watching her go through the "I WANT THOSE WOLKENRITTER DEAD!" stage into being fans of them once we started getting their side of the story. (On the other hand, I want to take the Lieze twins and subject them to fates that I normally reserve to wish upon international terrorists and the New York Yankees, but I digress). Fiasse/Miyuki honestly seems kind of random, like a thrown-in subplot. Of course, I haven't seen the OVA, so you may just be following canon there. Still, it reminds me of romance novels in which the author lets the love bug get away from her and starts pairing off the entire supporting cast to each other. You've already got Nanoha/Fate there, and you've already said that the Zarf pairing is tied in with the plot so that makes for a good secondary romance; a tertiary romance seems kind of in the way. On the subject of "familiar rights," I have a slightly different take than that Vie. While familiars are inherently subservient entities by their very nature, they are full sentients and just because a person is in a subservient position to another doesn't mean that they have a right to be victimized. I compare it to minor children; kids are subject to a lot of legal restrictions by which their parents can control their actions (and are likewise held responsible for their actions), but there are laws in place to protect children's rights as well--and in many countries, those laws do not exist. So "familiar rights" could work as well on that kind of basis. What I don't see is that Fury's attack would jeopardize "familiar rights." I mean, when a familiar attacks, the usual response isn't "Man, familiars are dangerous; we have to control them" but "Okay, who sent his/her familiar after me and what do they want?" There's an inherent assumption that familiars are doing the work of their masters (one of the bigger surprises of A's, after all, was that the Wolkies were acting on their own; the TSAB all assumed that the minion entities were being, well...minions). The difference between "strong Nanoha" in Fate's memory and "weak Nanoha" in real life, was, in the dialect of the Internet, "made of pure win." This whole last scene was exceptional, and I look forward to how you work with this matter. Could we be seeing hints of how the emotionally-dependent Fate of A's develops into the equal-partnership Fate of StrikerS? Spoiler for Technical points:
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Come to think of it, she might have been talking to Arisa. There's been no gender pronoun used, not even... Spoiler for Um...it's a spoiler?:
Oh, and B. Let's stick with the rescuers for a while before we see what N&S need to be rescued from. |
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2009-01-23, 20:49 | Link #12027 |
The Interstellar Medium
Author
Join Date: May 2008
Location: [SWE]
Age: 35
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Longest writing in one sitting I've done...and 1.5k is much for being ME. Part 3 of DRG is done, answers some questions, raises some more.
Dimensional Reminiscing: Revelations From the void of space we come, to the void of space we shall return. Spoiler for Part 3:
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2009-01-24, 00:09 | Link #12028 | |
Too much Caffine
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Under your Bed
Age: 41
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YAY!!! It is!!! Oh and B please
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2009-01-24, 00:35 | Link #12030 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
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On another matter, why does almost everyone who uses Vivio as a combat mage think 16 is a good age for her to start? In your own fic, she's still in training (though you did put her in the field once at 12, has she been outside more since then?) In Allquall's she's got her first posting, and in Satashi's Synergy, she just entered the academy. There were two or three others too, all with her at 16 in similar stages. Compare that to every other mage in the series. The Aces went from working part time to full time with the Bureau at 16. Erio was a Private and Caro was working at the Nature Reserve at 10. Subaru and Tea were in RF6 by 16, after being on duty for 2 years. Having Vivio start out at 16 is slow compared to their pace and actually requires an explaination instead of being treated as "normal." There's only one fic I can remember that has Vivio with a career pace similar to the rest of the cast. Magical Girl Lyrical Vivio with Vivio undertaking her first solo mission as an Enforcer at 12. |
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2009-01-24, 01:29 | Link #12031 |
~ Your Smile ~
Author
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 346Pro
Age: 38
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And in every unwritten fic in my head, too. In Magical Lyrical BetrayerS the doujin, she is crowned King at 6.
Vivio's anything but normal. She's the prophesized one who would bring balance to the Force after all!
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2009-01-24, 01:38 | Link #12032 | |
Too much Caffine
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Under your Bed
Age: 41
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so are we going to add DARTH in front of her name now
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2009-01-24, 02:18 | Link #12035 | |
Too much Caffine
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Under your Bed
Age: 41
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Both as Darth Vader and Darth Maul ... and now the Emperor But what would Syn be...
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2009-01-24, 04:36 | Link #12036 |
~ Your Smile ~
Author
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 346Pro
Age: 38
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Darth Saber, or what was once Vivio Takamachi, liege to the Darth Sidious, Empress Hayate, of the Imperial Lesbian Army~~~
Isn't that you guys are so fond of? ( XD ) Syn would be Obi-Wan! XD Syn: "I loved you, Vivio! You were my sister!!!" ...deshou?
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2009-01-24, 04:46 | Link #12037 | |
Sword Wielding Penguin
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Breaker coming down in... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Spoiler for DELIVERING ORDINANCE:
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2009-01-24, 10:52 | Link #12038 | |
Master of the Shiny Crack
Author
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.... ... .. . Zaffy is Obi-wan get it right |
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2009-01-24, 11:55 | Link #12039 | ||
Black Dragon
Graphic Designer
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Netherrealm, thinking who to betray next...
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And... ups... I was trying to say "ears" Sorry, I don't know in what I was thinking O.o Thinks don't look very well after the Armageddon, I can't imagine how many people died... at least Vita's okay Quote:
I pic A I'd like to know what's going on with Nanoha I though that Zaffy was Chewbaka xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Grammar Question: I have 2 grammar questions this time 1) Exactly in wich time or situation you use "in" or "on"? 2) The female of Sorcerer is Sorceress, right? Thanks
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2009-01-24, 12:01 | Link #12040 | |
Master of the Shiny Crack
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1) missing and h in Which. You use In when something is going inside of something (EX: He went in the house) On is when something is going on something (EX: He stood on the roof. He put the pin on his chest) My explanations may be vague but that's because these are really basic English words that are hard for me to explain. 2) yes |
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authorshipping, befriending, fanfiction, interactive fanfiction, nanoha |
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