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Old 2008-05-09, 18:10   Link #4161
TheShinySword
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Dream wing is awesome. Satashi has done it again. And let's all wait until at least ch 2 to be nitpicky.

Spoiler for Prediction:


And Puppy Zafira wins

Spoiler for If Nanoha and Fate hadn't interupted:


Spoiler for If Natsuki had taken him home:


Orz forgive me but I was inspired

Edit: Page claim for... .... .... ... ... PUPPY ZAFIRA!!! and Dream Wing...
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Old 2008-05-09, 18:23   Link #4162
Satashi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShinySword View Post


Dream wing is awesome. Satashi has done it again. And let's all wait until at least ch 2 to be nitpicky.

Spoiler for Prediction:


And Puppy Zafira wins

Spoiler for If Nanoha and Fate hadn't interupted:


Spoiler for If Natsuki had taken him home:


Orz forgive me but I was inspired

Edit: Page claim for... .... .... ... ... PUPPY ZAFIRA!!! and Dream Wing...
.....Requesting permission to have Natsuki try and take him home if they cross paths again? :3
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Old 2008-05-09, 18:27   Link #4163
TheShinySword
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
.....Requesting permission to have Natsuki try and take him home if they cross paths again? :3
Permission granted XD.
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Old 2008-05-09, 18:33   Link #4164
Satashi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShinySword View Post
Permission granted XD.
Thank you ^_^ I'll leave an author's note about how you came up with it when/if it happens. Zafira is vastly underused so I want to try and give him some spotlight.

Besides, A ferret and a doggy would be a key way of communication between base and the school. Since they don't have cell phones and are out of telepathy range. Poor Nanoha 0: D she has to go through a lot to contact Hayate hehe
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Old 2008-05-09, 18:37   Link #4165
yoshilord
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
TSS, you made me laugh a lot ^_^ a Sataurial short! I'm flattered!

Oh, BTW,

Dream Wing:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4245271/1/

Enjoy~
Great and so far most criticism like the telekinetic part was already mentioned.

i am wondering though, is this before reinforce zwei was created because i'm pretty certain she always stays by hayate being both her partner and unison devise.
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Old 2008-05-09, 18:44   Link #4166
Evangelion Xgouki
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I...I just had the sudden urge to do this...

Spoiler for Phantom of the Lyrical:


Don't hurt me!!

*RUNZ*

Last edited by Evangelion Xgouki; 2008-05-12 at 13:32.
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Old 2008-05-09, 18:49   Link #4167
Satashi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yoshilord View Post
Great and so far most criticism like the telekinetic part was already mentioned.

i am wondering though, is this before reinforce zwei was created because i'm pretty certain she always stays by hayate being both her partner and unison devise.
This doesn't take place in any set time zone. Natsuki is a student and Arika is already a mesiter. I had to do this to maximize Shiznat/ NanoFate moments while keeping other cast members.

I also haven't watched Zwei yet. I'm waiting until angel comes back home so we can watch it together.

Though I am a fan of Arika/Mashiro. I'm going to keep them plot based, though, and try to avoid "couples for the sake of couples". I got that advice from 4chan, that I throw in things that arn't needed at all. So I'm going to improve on that using them 0: 3
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Old 2008-05-09, 18:59   Link #4168
TheShinySword
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
I...I just had the sudden urge to do this...

Spoiler:


Don't hurt me!!

*RUNZ*
Why would we hurt you? XD I dub this coolness Phantom of the Lyrical (Feel free to chage ><)
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Old 2008-05-09, 19:00   Link #4169
rkriku
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O man Zafira will have a crazy day if he was taken in by Natsuki. And i can really see Shizuru with a evil look, while Zafira cowers with sweat running down. Haha great image.

Last edited by rkriku; 2008-05-09 at 19:03. Reason: totally misinterpreted
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Old 2008-05-09, 19:05   Link #4170
wanwan1203
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Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
it's 4 years, confirmed and official.

Soooo..........14 starting and 16-18 finishing? So young......
yeah so young.. i don't know if i should be sad (they are young girls being used as a weapon and forced to fight) or glad about it (pretty and smexy, woot fanservice!!!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for 0: 3:


edit: I have Angel's halo for the weekend 0: D
i also lol'd at that part both in this fic and the manga!! oh my lawd.. aww Natsuki doesn't have to do that. Shizuru wouldn't care even if Natsuki has the sagging breasts of an old lady as long as it's her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShinySword View Post


And Puppy Zafira wins

Spoiler for If Nanoha and Fate hadn't interupted:


Spoiler for If Natsuki had taken him home:


Orz forgive me but I was inspired

Edit: Page claim for... .... .... ... ... PUPPY ZAFIRA!!! and Dream Wing...
ahaha this is so funny .. poor Zafira... poor poor Zafira... I shall pray for him. Shizuru-oneesama's new competition indeed. rofl
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Old 2008-05-09, 19:58   Link #4171
Satashi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wanwan1203 View Post


ahaha this is so funny .. poor Zafira... poor poor Zafira... I shall pray for him. Shizuru-oneesama's new competition indeed. rofl
If Kitty!Mikoto could hang around campus a lot, I see no reason why Zafira couldn't..... besides Mikoto beig royalty and all 0: 3

Defiantly going to have to try something on that.
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Old 2008-05-09, 20:07   Link #4172
yoshilord
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@ satashi
i didn't mean otome zwei but reinforce zwei
you know the cute devise... desu
of course, it isn't essential in the plot i just noticed it and all
also about otome zwei it is mediocre at best. filled with fanservice and way too simple plot the only reason to watch it is to see some insight into the characters and their relationships with each other. it's what made me an arika/mashiro fan

no arika/mashiro, let me be emo for 5 sec,
ok better now i have preferences but they really don't matter to me really, just keep writing and remember improvements are good and all but don't lose the quirks that make satashi-fics umm satashi-fics. Now i don't know what said quirks are but it's there and i'm sure all of us will notice when they're gone. what i'm saying is listin to advise but you don't have to use them neccessarily since the writer is the one doing the work, us readers are simply enjoying it.


@evangelion
I can actually see that fic working and i say go for it. with fate's sad past in the anime that will work perfectly
of course i can't imagine fate being scarred or "ugly"
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Old 2008-05-09, 20:16   Link #4173
Thesinwithin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
I...I just had the sudden urge to do this...

Spoiler for Phantom:


Don't hurt me!!

*RUNZ*
YOU HAVE MADE ME HAPPY LIKE YOU DON'T BELIEVE. Words cannot describe how much I love Phantom of the Opera. And now there's Nanoha too?!

Oh... oh my goodness.

So Fate's the Phantom? I wonder how her radiation burns face looks...

mmmmnnn Fate in a fedora.

I think that I might die of squee.

x.x

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Old 2008-05-09, 22:24   Link #4174
Evil Rick
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Originally Posted by Kai the Reaper View Post
This was really crazy with Beatriz and her child... Although it made me wonder a few things that I didn't catch while reading. So, she was a slave from the beginning who just took the form of a 9-year old, or when Nanoha came she turned the 9-year old Beatriz into a slave? If it's the later, then does becoming a slave completely change the internal structure of the body?
Be patient my friend, that is a very important detail that will be revealed in the future chapters, just remeber that the Slaveos of the Dark are mens and womans corrupted and twisted in mind and aspect
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Old 2008-05-09, 22:27   Link #4175
Thesinwithin
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Sorry for the double post, guys, but fanfic and my squeeing about it make for a bad thing to quote from.

Undercover FINAL chapter, "The Promise of Tomorrow"

Spoiler for Notes:


Okay, never mind about the double post. D8

Last edited by Thesinwithin; 2008-05-09 at 23:11.
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Old 2008-05-09, 22:55   Link #4176
wanwan1203
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
I...I just had the sudden urge to do this...

Spoiler for Phantom:


Don't hurt me!!

*RUNZ*
*imagines Fate singing "Music of the Night"*
*swoons*
this is strangely..fun..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thesinwithin View Post
Sorry for the double post, guys, but fanfic and my squeeing about it make for a bad thing to quote from.

Undercover FINAL chapter, "The Promise of Tomorrow"

Spoiler for Notes:


Okay, never mind about the double post. D8
yey it's complete!! i'm gonna start reading it now. (i waited till it was completed) ^^'

on another note.. will we, by any chance, see Nanoha and Fate in their coral uniforms? might there be an illustration in the future?

*nudge nudge poke poke*

Fate in a robe.....
ehem..

edit: Thesinwithin, your avatar is very very nice. me likes! *rewatches Candy Boy* Kanade-senpai~~ <3

Last edited by wanwan1203; 2008-05-09 at 22:59. Reason: commenting on an avi
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Old 2008-05-09, 22:57   Link #4177
TheShinySword
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thesinwithin View Post
Sorry for the double post, guys, but fanfic and my squeeing about it make for a bad thing to quote from.

Undercover FINAL chapter, "The Promise of Tomorrow"

Spoiler for Notes:


Okay, never mind about the double post. D8
Lovely I'm gonna read it all tomorrow and Nice new ave :3
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Old 2008-05-09, 23:10   Link #4178
Thesinwithin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wanwan1203 View Post

edit: Thesinwithin, your avatar is very very nice. me likes! *rewatches Candy Boy* Kanade-senpai~~ <3
I like me a Kanade very much. Mostly because every time she talks I'm all OMFG SHIZUMA! RUN FOR THE HILLS!

It's better than Yukino talking, because all I can see is Armitage. Throwing. Planes.

Oh voice actresses. You make my life happy.

I giggled lots.

@Theshinysword - thanks
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Old 2008-05-09, 23:11   Link #4179
Kaix
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thesinwithin View Post
Sorry for the double post, guys, but fanfic and my squeeing about it make for a bad thing to quote from.

Undercover FINAL chapter, "The Promise of Tomorrow"

Spoiler for Notes:


Okay, never mind about the double post. D8
So the ending finally came... I'd be lying if I were saying that I won't miss waiting for updates in this fic, but what has to end, has to end.

I fully enjoyed the story from start to finish. The ending had a nice 'life goes on, but some things will never change' feel to it that was fitting and heartwarming. What I liked the most about the fic was probably that everything seemed to be in the right quantity, fights, day-to-day descriptions, and so on, nothing felt as if it was going over the top. Sorry for not being able to give a more in-depth view on my thoughts, but I simply did not find anything out of place.

Overall - great story in every aspect!
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Old 2008-05-09, 23:28   Link #4180
markesellus
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil Rick View Post
Chapter 33
Vatican Knights

Spoiler for Beatriz de la Huerta:


What? Draws of Beatriz and his son? I thinkI will post them tomorrow
Sorry
So that was the grossest chapter yet. The way her body was ripped apart! *shudders* That "child" is gross! That was so wrong. I liked the improvised wine bomb though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wanwan1203 View Post
@KoSSa

@Satashi
Remember that bit on the 4chan thread about Shiznat's relationship in the drama cds? I don't know if this will be useful to you (or if Dream Wing Shiznat has the same backstory) but here goes:

Spoiler for Otome Drama CD: Shizuru Viola's Memoirs:


i found it on youtube.
For half the time I lol'd and the other half I aww'd.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShinySword View Post

Spoiler for Prediction:


And Puppy Zafira wins

Spoiler for If Nanoha and Fate hadn't interupted:


Spoiler for If Natsuki had taken him home:


Orz forgive me but I was inspired

Edit: Page claim for... .... .... ... ... PUPPY ZAFIRA!!! and Dream Wing...
OMG! That was pure win. I like how Natsuki wanted to call Zafira Mayo. I'm would be so scared of Shizuru. Poor Zafira.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
I...I just had the sudden urge to do this...

Spoiler for Phantom:


Don't hurt me!!

*RUNZ*
That was EPIC! Fate as the phantom! That's awesome! Were you watching this or listening to the song recently? I want some more of this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thesinwithin View Post
Sorry for the double post, guys, but fanfic and my squeeing about it make for a bad thing to quote from.

Undercover FINAL chapter, "The Promise of Tomorrow"

Spoiler for Notes:


Okay, never mind about the double post. D8
O noes! Its over! Awesome job Thesinwithin. Very cool. All the loose ends tied up nicely. Oh and I absolutely love mochi, and mochi ice cream. Oh and I like your new Avatar.
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