The Genderbending of Haruhi Suzumiya [Spoilers Aplenty]

[swtrooper42]

Originally Posted by dragon4dudes

Har har... FF.net... There are some good but just about everything else is bad...

That would be Sturgeon's Law.

[dragon4dudes]

Well, it's true, mostly...

[Nanao-kun]

Originally Posted by GDB

I would say no fan could unleash something as horrible as Endless Eight upon the world... but I've seen fanfiction.net. >_>

I used to frequent that site a few years back. I've read quite a few good stories, but everything else was simply horrible.

[SgtHydra]

Originally Posted by HikariNiwa

I used to frequent that site a few years back. I've read quite a few good stories, but everything else was simply horrible.

There are still some gems on it.

They are rare, but that's life.

[Khu]

e.g.?

(shit I should really do my HaloxHaruhi but I ran out of ideas for next mission D: )

[SgtHydra]

Originally Posted by Khu

e.g.?

(shit I should really do my HaloxHaruhi but I ran out of ideas for next mission D: )

Examples?

The only one I could pull out is Anatomy of Melancholy.

It's just... yeah...

Sad...

And yeah, I need moar killin' of de xenos by de Haruhi. >:3

[Khu]

lol.

Ive been doing my fluff instead XD

Maybe somehow incorporate or smth.

[Tyabann]

Originally Posted by SgtHydra

The only one I could pull out is Anatomy of Melancholy.

You people need to stop giving me wonderful, awful ideas.

[swtrooper42]

I always liked Anatomy of Melancholy. Made me think.

Kaisos, whatever it is you're thinking just back away from it nice and slowly.

[Puffendahl]

Ah, fanfiction.net. I'm afraid a certain preteen me once unleashed some horrendous things on the poor, poor Internet through that site. Shame on me, really. I'm glad I don't use the same username anymore, I don't want to be associated with my dark past

The sheer lack of quality of most fanfiction is probably why fan projects like this always get some prejudice. Since the basis is in an existing canon like in regular fanfiction, and the term fanfiction itself seems to equal the adjective horrible to many (with a pretty good reason too, even though there obviously are many gems out there too).

Well, that's me stating the obvious I suppose, but hey, what would you expect from an ex-horriblefic writer?

[Jintor]

Dr Horrible Fanfiction you say

[Khu]

I never wrote anything too bad for fanfiction.net I think. Mine was always up to a good-ish standard (you can look me up on there and see for yourself :P)

[Puffendahl]

It just happens that at times, Artsy-Fartsy Teenage Angst + English Not First Language + Fanfiction.net = Oh Dear. Add some fangirly tendencies and you've got yourself an epic mess. There are always exceptions to a rule of course, but not everyone can be one.

But luckily, that was long ago for this individual, so no-one has to worry about me going on and writing bad angsty-shippy-super-exciting-squee-fics of a self-insert original character and Yuuki to ruin your eyes. Or a Possession Sue Kyonko with all of the boys. Or anything else you can think of.

[Jintor]

I'm just glad FF.net gathers them all into one place. Means i'm less likely to run into them elsewhere.

[scify]

Originally Posted by Jintor

I'm just glad FF.net gathers them all into one place. Means i'm less likely to run into them elsewhere.

You see, you think that, and then they pop up somewhere else...

Originally Posted by SgtHydra

Examples?

The only one I could pull out is Anatomy of Melancholy.

It's just... yeah...

Sad...

And yeah, I need moar killin' of de xenos by de Haruhi. >:3

At least these stories you guys keep linking me to are one pagers. It's bad times for my productivity when someone links me to something longer.

[Khu]

Hey Kaisos, do you still need someone to do fluff?

Cos I can do that.

Spoiler for Proof:

Dammit, stupid hill. Why do you have to be so damn tall!? It’s always the damn same. Maybe I should be complaining about the gates instead. Dammit, stupid gates! Why do you have to be so far UP the hill!? Eventually I swung myself into my classroom.

She rolls the window down
And she
Talks over the sound
Of the cars that pass us by
And I don’t know why
But she’s changed my mind

Ah, Haruhi. Always looking out the window. I sighed, and sat down in my seat in front of her. “Sup.” She glanced at me once, and then looked away again. “Why? What’d I do? Did I miss something?”

She paused, before speaking. “You do know what day it is, right.”

I mock scratched my head. “No?” Of course I knew. I wouldn’t forget today.

She sighed irritably. “Fine.”

Would you look at her
She looks at me
She’s got me thinking about her constantly
But she don’t know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she’s figured out
I’m crazy for this girl

I stared at her intently. Hm. A ponytail. Well, can’t let that cloud my plans. Maybe what’s waiting at today’s end wasn’t worth having Koizumi have to ‘take a day off sick’. I’m glad he did it for me, but I have a feeling he’s going to have a whole lot more on his hands than I expected. Maybe when I get home I should fancy up a bit before calling Haruhi about why I didn’t show up at the meeting.

“Ah, the teacher’s here. How the hell can you do so well in tests and yet never pay attention in class?” I asked her, changing the subject from ‘what I’d forgotten’.

She glared at me for a moment, before turning away.

She was the one to hold me
The night
The sky fell down
And what was I thinking when
The world didn’t end
Why didn’t I know what I know now

As my mind wandered during class, I somehow came to dreams. Yes, it WAS kind of like THOSE dreams. But not really. The one where I uh, first kissed Haruhi. I THINK. That was ages ago though. I still remember it like it happened last night though. We were the only ones in there. How strange. Or maybe not so strange, given our current relationship. Which I might add, may be in a hasty closure. Although, I must say, I didn’t think about her in that way back then. I just did what I had to do to keep her from destroying my world. I liked my world. And now I like it even more. I dozed. Hum, perhaps I’ll think better this afternoon...

Would you look at her
She looks at me
She’s got me thinking about her constantly
But she don’t know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she’s figured out
I’m crazy for this girl

Shrill as a whistle in my ear, the bell signaling the end of the school day rung in my ears. Goddamit! I looked behind me; good, Haruhi had already left. I sprinted down the hallway. Okay, I’ve only got so long before Haruhi decides to look for me. As I made my way out to the sunlight, I looked at my watch. 3:15 PM. Okay, the meeting should officially start at 3:45. Which means she’ll wait till 3:45 before looking for me. Or maybe 3:55, knowing my track record.

Right now
Face to face
All my fears
Pushed aside
And right now
I’m ready to spend the rest of my life
With you

Alright then.

Decorations: Check.
Right shirt: Check.
Present: Check.
Haruhi: CRAP, HARUHI! She should be coming this way at least. Where the HELL is she. I looked out my window. Dammit, no sign of her. Hum, and this is the first time I actually got off my bum to do something for her. Ah, there she is! Quickly I made sure the front door was unlocked. I definitely didn’t want the door to be smashed in for my little surprise.

The light was at just the right angle through my window: it was filtering through the tree leaves onto my bed. Great. Everything was set, except for me.

Would you look at her
She looks at me
She’s got me thinking about her constantly
But she don’t know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she’s figured out
I’m crazy for this girl

“KYON! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” I could hear her coming up the stairs. Dammit, gotta get into position which is pretty hard when you’re carrying something so large and heavy that it’s GOT to be strange in Haruhi’s books – I quickly slammed the door shut – COME ON, SIT ON THE BED AS THOUGH YOU WERE WAITING FOR HER -

She effectively kicked the door open. She opened her mouth angrily to slap me around abet but then she just stared at me. I cocked an eyebrow. “What’s wrong? You haven’t seen a guy with a life sized effigy of himself in white chocolate?” A bead of sweat dropped down onto the bed sheets. Heh. I totally loved that look on her face. Priceless. I quickly snapped a picture with my camera I had in my other hand. She quickly changed her expression. “Hmph. Stupid Kyon.”

“YEAH, SURE. Call me all you want, but you weren’t expecting this, were you?” I lay the effigy of myself down on the bed.

“Yes! I totally was! I knew you wouldn’t...well, you shouldn’t...well alright fine, I doubted you’d remember what today was...”

“Exactly.” I hugged her and kissed her on the forehead. “Happy White Day, Haruhi.”

She smiled and leaned into my chest. I looked back my bed. Crap.

“UH, Haruhi, can you help me eat my white chocolate self? It might drip everywhere otherwise...”

Would you look at her
She looks at me
She’s got me thinking about her constantly
But she don’t know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she’s figured out
I’m crazy for this girl

I watched her gouging into the white chocolate leg. She looked up at me, the leg still in her hands. “Sup?”

“Eh, I was just observing how tasty it is based on how you were eating it so quickly.” I scratched my nose, coming up with an excuse without having to comment on how cute she was when she was licking chocolate.

“Mmhm, it’s really good!” She nodded emphatically, and was about to take another bite when I said in mock shock, “What, even better than the real me?!” I grabbed the box that the chocolate had come in, and started packing it back in. “Then you won’t be getting any more of this. Hmph.”

She thought for a bit, and then said thoughtfully, “Well, we’ve never tasted each other before have we?”

“Oh yeah...”

“Well then!” She came to a conclusion and clapped her hands, before pouncing on me and pushing me down. “How about we do that now?”

I faked a sigh. “Yare yare. Whatever.” I lifted her wrist, hand pointed towards me. She looked at me quizzically. I kept my eyes on her as I started licking her fingers.

“Kyaa, that tickles dammit!” She had her eyes half shut from trying to stop herself from laughing.

“Pfft, you love the feeling of my tongue.” Wait, did I just say that?

Haruhi promptly turned red. “Damn you, Kyon.” She encircled her arms around my neck and kissed me lightly, before letting her head rest on my chest. “I should probably lick your fingers from chocolate too; I don’t want my uniform dirty...” She delicately licked my hands. I shivered from the sensation. Eventually she returned her head onto my chest and I lifted her chin with one hand. With the other wrapped around her waist, I kissed her. Gradually, I deepened the kiss. The hand on her chin started stroking her back; the other was running through her hair. Hers were simply tracing patterns on my neck. I slipped my hands under her shirt; I withdrew from the kiss, a thread of saliva hanging from our tongues. Then I started licking her neck; letting my hands run up and down her back; stroking and tracing circles. I pulled her in closer to me; she started to kiss me on my neck and face. I watched her expression, now flushed. Then my hands started to trace around her chest. I stopped.

She opened her eyes. “Hm? What’s wrong?”

“Moral dilemma.” I answered, stroking her stomach absentmindedly.

She raised her eyebrow quizzically. I tapped her bra. “Oh. Well I don’t mind.”

“Yeah, well, me neither, just that I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop afterwards.”

“Oh whatever.” She brought her face close to mine. “Just do it.” She whispered.

Let’s just say...a lot of good and interesting things to both of us happened that afternoon. No there was no...Uh, you know. But Haruhi did get her fill of white chocolate. You can think all you want, but it was totally innocuous white chocolate. I swear. I know that I sound like it’s not what I mean, but it is. I would NEVER do that. Right? Come on, I know she’s cute and stunning and everything, but that’s too early! Right?!

I has moar if need be.

[Nanao-kun]

Originally Posted by Khu

Hey Kaisos, do you still need someone to do fluff?

Cos I can do that.

Spoiler for Proof:

Dammit, stupid hill. Why do you have to be so damn tall!? It’s always the damn same. Maybe I should be complaining about the gates instead. Dammit, stupid gates! Why do you have to be so far UP the hill!? Eventually I swung myself into my classroom.

She rolls the window down
And she
Talks over the sound
Of the cars that pass us by
And I don’t know why
But she’s changed my mind

Ah, Haruhi. Always looking out the window. I sighed, and sat down in my seat in front of her. “Sup.” She glanced at me once, and then looked away again. “Why? What’d I do? Did I miss something?”

She paused, before speaking. “You do know what day it is, right.”

I mock scratched my head. “No?” Of course I knew. I wouldn’t forget today.

She sighed irritably. “Fine.”

Would you look at her
She looks at me
She’s got me thinking about her constantly
But she don’t know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she’s figured out
I’m crazy for this girl

I stared at her intently. Hm. A ponytail. Well, can’t let that cloud my plans. Maybe what’s waiting at today’s end wasn’t worth having Koizumi have to ‘take a day off sick’. I’m glad he did it for me, but I have a feeling he’s going to have a whole lot more on his hands than I expected. Maybe when I get home I should fancy up a bit before calling Haruhi about why I didn’t show up at the meeting.

“Ah, the teacher’s here. How the hell can you do so well in tests and yet never pay attention in class?” I asked her, changing the subject from ‘what I’d forgotten’.

She glared at me for a moment, before turning away.

She was the one to hold me
The night
The sky fell down
And what was I thinking when
The world didn’t end
Why didn’t I know what I know now

As my mind wandered during class, I somehow came to dreams. Yes, it WAS kind of like THOSE dreams. But not really. The one where I uh, first kissed Haruhi. I THINK. That was ages ago though. I still remember it like it happened last night though. We were the only ones in there. How strange. Or maybe not so strange, given our current relationship. Which I might add, may be in a hasty closure. Although, I must say, I didn’t think about her in that way back then. I just did what I had to do to keep her from destroying my world. I liked my world. And now I like it even more. I dozed. Hum, perhaps I’ll think better this afternoon...

Would you look at her
She looks at me
She’s got me thinking about her constantly
But she don’t know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she’s figured out
I’m crazy for this girl

Shrill as a whistle in my ear, the bell signaling the end of the school day rung in my ears. Goddamit! I looked behind me; good, Haruhi had already left. I sprinted down the hallway. Okay, I’ve only got so long before Haruhi decides to look for me. As I made my way out to the sunlight, I looked at my watch. 3:15 PM. Okay, the meeting should officially start at 3:45. Which means she’ll wait till 3:45 before looking for me. Or maybe 3:55, knowing my track record.

Right now
Face to face
All my fears
Pushed aside
And right now
I’m ready to spend the rest of my life
With you

Alright then.

Decorations: Check.
Right shirt: Check.
Present: Check.
Haruhi: CRAP, HARUHI! She should be coming this way at least. Where the HELL is she. I looked out my window. Dammit, no sign of her. Hum, and this is the first time I actually got off my bum to do something for her. Ah, there she is! Quickly I made sure the front door was unlocked. I definitely didn’t want the door to be smashed in for my little surprise.

The light was at just the right angle through my window: it was filtering through the tree leaves onto my bed. Great. Everything was set, except for me.

Would you look at her
She looks at me
She’s got me thinking about her constantly
But she don’t know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she’s figured out
I’m crazy for this girl

“KYON! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” I could hear her coming up the stairs. Dammit, gotta get into position which is pretty hard when you’re carrying something so large and heavy that it’s GOT to be strange in Haruhi’s books – I quickly slammed the door shut – COME ON, SIT ON THE BED AS THOUGH YOU WERE WAITING FOR HER -

She effectively kicked the door open. She opened her mouth angrily to slap me around abet but then she just stared at me. I cocked an eyebrow. “What’s wrong? You haven’t seen a guy with a life sized effigy of himself in white chocolate?” A bead of sweat dropped down onto the bed sheets. Heh. I totally loved that look on her face. Priceless. I quickly snapped a picture with my camera I had in my other hand. She quickly changed her expression. “Hmph. Stupid Kyon.”

“YEAH, SURE. Call me all you want, but you weren’t expecting this, were you?” I lay the effigy of myself down on the bed.

“Yes! I totally was! I knew you wouldn’t...well, you shouldn’t...well alright fine, I doubted you’d remember what today was...”

“Exactly.” I hugged her and kissed her on the forehead. “Happy White Day, Haruhi.”

She smiled and leaned into my chest. I looked back my bed. Crap.

“UH, Haruhi, can you help me eat my white chocolate self? It might drip everywhere otherwise...”

Would you look at her
She looks at me
She’s got me thinking about her constantly
But she don’t know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she’s figured out
I’m crazy for this girl

I watched her gouging into the white chocolate leg. She looked up at me, the leg still in her hands. “Sup?”

“Eh, I was just observing how tasty it is based on how you were eating it so quickly.” I scratched my nose, coming up with an excuse without having to comment on how cute she was when she was licking chocolate.

“Mmhm, it’s really good!” She nodded emphatically, and was about to take another bite when I said in mock shock, “What, even better than the real me?!” I grabbed the box that the chocolate had come in, and started packing it back in. “Then you won’t be getting any more of this. Hmph.”

She thought for a bit, and then said thoughtfully, “Well, we’ve never tasted each other before have we?”

“Oh yeah...”

“Well then!” She came to a conclusion and clapped her hands, before pouncing on me and pushing me down. “How about we do that now?”

I faked a sigh. “Yare yare. Whatever.” I lifted her wrist, hand pointed towards me. She looked at me quizzically. I kept my eyes on her as I started licking her fingers.

“Kyaa, that tickles dammit!” She had her eyes half shut from trying to stop herself from laughing.

“Pfft, you love the feeling of my tongue.” Wait, did I just say that?

Haruhi promptly turned red. “Damn you, Kyon.” She encircled her arms around my neck and kissed me lightly, before letting her head rest on my chest. “I should probably lick your fingers from chocolate too; I don’t want my uniform dirty...” She delicately licked my hands. I shivered from the sensation. Eventually she returned her head onto my chest and I lifted her chin with one hand. With the other wrapped around her waist, I kissed her. Gradually, I deepened the kiss. The hand on her chin started stroking her back; the other was running through her hair. Hers were simply tracing patterns on my neck. I slipped my hands under her shirt; I withdrew from the kiss, a thread of saliva hanging from our tongues. Then I started licking her neck; letting my hands run up and down her back; stroking and tracing circles. I pulled her in closer to me; she started to kiss me on my neck and face. I watched her expression, now flushed. Then my hands started to trace around her chest. I stopped.

She opened her eyes. “Hm? What’s wrong?”

“Moral dilemma.” I answered, stroking her stomach absentmindedly.

She raised her eyebrow quizzically. I tapped her bra. “Oh. Well I don’t mind.”

“Yeah, well, me neither, just that I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop afterwards.”

“Oh whatever.” She brought her face close to mine. “Just do it.” She whispered.

Let’s just say...a lot of good and interesting things to both of us happened that afternoon. No there was no...Uh, you know. But Haruhi did get her fill of white chocolate. You can think all you want, but it was totally innocuous white chocolate. I swear. I know that I sound like it’s not what I mean, but it is. I would NEVER do that. Right? Come on, I know she’s cute and stunning and everything, but that’s too early! Right?!

I has moar if need be.

Seems pretty good. Besides the inclusion of a song.

[vedicardi]

I disagree

[dragon4dudes]

May the wrath of Haruhi or Kyonko or Midori come down on you.

...

Lol.

You may now ignore this post.

[Tyabann]

Originally Posted by Khu

*snip*

What. -_-