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[chibamonster]

If the bomb does get a temporary eye or limb I think it should be a sign that he is at the extremity of the power he was created for. Final stage before destruction type power maybe. We could go the way of D. Grey man, Deadman Wonderland, and Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust and have his new limbs formed from BLOOD. Maybe his own, maybe the blood of his enemies or a combination of both. I was thinking of having his flesh and blood being necessary for the power already in a sacrificial sort of way.

Of course that might be a bit more grotesque than what everyone was hoping for...

[Kagedanji]

Originally Posted by Kagedanji

This is already a fantasy themed manga, so we can add extraordinary things like demons and spirits, unless we're trying to make this realistic to some extent.

The mute boy could at some point, in his backstory or during the current timeline of the manga, be possessed by a demon or spirit. It would have to happen after he loses his arm and eye. The other self can "take over" morphing the inhuman arm and eye, and may allow him to speak, or it will be the demon/spirit speaking.

Even though the boy was designed to be a weapon, he could've escaped before experiments completed, which would add more reason to why he's being wildly chased after. His power would still be within, but it would still be locked inside, and unlocking it was supposed to be the final phase of the experiment.

When the demon takes over, it's unlocked manually.

[hell88]

Originally Posted by chibamonster

If the bomb does get a temporary eye or limb I think it should be a sign that he is at the extremity of the power he was created for. Final stage before destruction type power maybe. We could go the way of D. Grey man, Deadman Wonderland, and Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust and have his new limbs formed from BLOOD. Maybe his own, maybe the blood of his enemies or a combination of both. I was thinking of having his flesh and blood being necessary for the power already in a sacrificial sort of way.

Of course that might be a bit more grotesque than what everyone was hoping for...

I think that would be a cool idea having limbs created by blood. Mabye like in Hellsing whenever Alucard got shot to pretty much nothing or completley destroyed and his body would regenerate from all the blood loss. Could use something like that.

[chibamonster]

As interest in this project seems to fluctuate somewhat here is I have some thoughts on what to do. Unless somehow the story somehow gets noticed (haha) or Derelict88 decides to flex some muscle on it using his super powers I think I will start with the first issue pretty soon here. Planning the whole story out is good and all to know where the plot is headed but as comic books are serialized plans can change. I am thinking that we should just focus entirely on the first installment. If for some miraculous reason we decide to do the whole story arc then we can go on from there, but I'd like to have something drawn as opposed to lots of ideas because I have plenty of stories that are sitting in that phase.

Here is the idea I put forward a while back for the beginning of the story with some modifications.

Spoiler for Space saving:

-maybe have Enara going to see ships as a child. Maybe not.

-Enara has a rather busy life in the country and goes out on errands fixing an older couples ancient mechanical plow. She needs to hurry back home to make it to a small town festival. She has a main part in the celebration. On her way home she stops by her parents gravestones to pay her respects. She then runs past a giant moonscape like crater which is surrounded by many many more gravestones (maybe the site of a battle with scars to show it.)

The Master Craftsman she is under meets up with her and seems scary at first but turns out to be very goofy and father like. He is there to support her.

-Far away on a distant ship or research facility we see Lady Knight blitz her way through security. Maybe the ship is on fire to keep people confused. She makes her way to a central chamber where she finds herself face to face with a chamber that contains a bound human (the bomb). His face is covered but he has a necklace with visible symbols that shock her. She tears the container apart and carries him away. I am thinking of splitting this back and forth with the festival where Enara plays the part of a princess in the small towns mythology simmilar to pandora's box. Splitting back and forth might be too difficult so maybe instead start the story out with Lady Knight's blitz (think the beginning of the vision of escaflowne) and move to Enara's side.

-At the end of the festival (or later, maybe the festival should be put first and enara's errands put later) the the village hears noises of a small war ship and everyone scrambles to hide from a possible attack. The Master does not run for cover but towards his shop, he knows the noise and seems to realize something. He runs to grab his some tools and a weapon and tells Enara to get her tools as well. The ship is headed to a crash landing in the forest and is badly damaged. The Master gets on an animal (like a horse or some other creature, maybe a riding dragon) and heads off towards the crash, Enara jumping to his side after fetching her things. Several of the town warriors or elders follow along. Maybe he yells for the town shaman/medicine man to come with them to treat the wounded.

-They reach the burning crash site and discover the ship with part of its side missing but still recognizable. The master runs to check for survivors with Enara close behind. They find Lady Knight and the Bomb boy (still wearing much of his experimentation uniform). There is another Knight with them who bleeds out after saying he knew the Master would help them or at least saying something but no prolonged death. The master recognizes Lady Knight. He extracts her out while the others get the boy. Lady Knight opens her eyes and says something to the effect of either finding the weapon or discovering why they were betrayed. I am undecided. The master sees Enara helping the medicine man with the bomb, looks at the boys necklace and says, "It can't be..."

And that is about as far as I think I'd make it for an issue. I am not sure how long issues are supposed to be but I am not really planning on following any guidelines (because I do not know them) unless someone has some good recommendations. I think starting the story with a pandora's box type legend being told at the festival split with Lady Knight getting the Bomb child could be fun although it might be a bit confusing if I do it wrong.

I have an outline idea of the whole story although I do not know how much good it will do to post it because if this is mostly a personal project I may as well surprise people if I do more than one issue, and if not then hey, no loss . Maybe I will write out a script and we can design our cast of characters and create some locations/machines.

[derelict88]

Let me know what you need done my friend.

[Torri_fay_torren@hot]

Nice Chiba. It looks good!

[hell88]

Yeah Chiba I think that would be a very good first chapter.

[hell88]

Is it just me or has this thread got kind of dead in the last few weeks. I want to know whats going on with the manga and everything. Or well mabye no one is around because the last claymore chapter lacked action and no one is around because of it. LOL

[chibamonster]

There is some stuff coming up in this thread. Keep your eyes opened .

[hell88]

Originally Posted by chibamonster

There is some stuff coming up in this thread. Keep your eyes opened .

I like the sound of that.

[Torri_fay_torren@hot]

Originally Posted by hell88

I like the sound of that.

Me to . Can't wait.

[chibamonster]

I am not sure why I am having such a hard time writing this first part out. I know what I want to happen and can see it happen as a movie in my head (although I frequently change out the characters). Well, I'll just give a lose description of my hallucinations and ask for help:

Start out with a view of a floating battleship far above a strange land. An explosion rocks its side and flames consume some of its corridors. Heavily armored guards running to find the nature of the attack. Maybe have the alarms blaring intruder alert or something like that (maybe not). The captain of the guard (distinguished by something like lighter armor or a more ornate weapon) is talking to a masked engineer. The captain asks if the citadel*(or some other interesting term for a weapon powered by a human experiment) has been affected. The engineer responds that the pressure is fluctuating so they will have to check. The engineer says the sample is new and abnormally powerful and will require delicate care. He has a key around his neck with a symbol on it. The captain of the guard says he wishes he never knew anything about the new weapon because it terrifies him.

As they open an armored door they see a demonic figure (lady Knight) silhouetted against rising flames, dead soldiers strewn around her. She is standing in front of the heavily armored door to the citadel which has the same symbol on it as the key the engineer holds. She sees the key as well. She cocks her head to the side as they draw their weapons. The captain orders his men to attack. She flips out her hand blades and jumps towards them. Showing the fight is optional. Maybe leaving to the imagination is better.

The heavy door to the citadel opens. Lady Knight, singed and dripping blood enters the citadel with a limp, the captains key in hand. Maybe she pulls a blade from her leg. Large pipes, steam, valves and a menacing boiler looking machine stand in front of her. In the very center of the room is an armored sarcophagus looking object with pipes running from it; heavy, ominous, and glowing. It has gages and such attached to it. Think of it as the heart of the ship or its central dogma . If it were animated it would be beating with a amniotic sound, pulsing lights, and a glowing color from its core. The room's design screams do not touch anything. Lady Knight approaches the object. It seems to respond to her. She tears the heavy metal restraints off of it and rips the cover off of it (Think Jenova from ff7). She steps back in shock. "It can't be." We do not see the contents. Black panel.

Far away Enara is under neath an old decrypted locomotive looking farming tractor. An old cute couple is helping her by holding her tools and aiding in any way they can. "That should do it!" Says Enara taking off her gloves with her teeth and pulling her goggles up onto her forehead. She jumps up into the drivers seat and gets it started. It sputters black smoke and then starts up after shaking like crazy. "Well I'll be!" Says the old farmer. Enara beams a smile. "We wont be able to pay until the next harvest." Says the farmers wife. "I talked with Master Jecht* (or some other name) and he said that would be okay." "Thank you!" Says the old man. "Here, I made these for you" Says his wife handing Enara a bag of sweet rolls. "Thanks! If it gives you any problems just let me know!" Says Enara waving as she runs away. "See you at the festival!" Says the old woman with a wave. "See you there!" Enara says putting a roll into her mouth. The old couple waves. "She's taking the long way back?" Says the man with a puzzled look. "She is going to go see her parents first."

Enara runs through a forest. She passes a clearing where we can see a giant crater scarred into the earth behind her in the distance. It appears that the ground has melted around it. Maybe to the consistency of glass. The crater is huge. No trees grow close to it. Enara, still eating a roll stops by a house/shrine. "Mom! Dad! I am in the dream festival this year! I forgot to tell you last time. The chief asked me to be in it." Still eating her roll. "I am learning so much from Master Jecht. He can be mean sometimes but I think he is a good person." Pause. A tear rolls down her cheek. Pull back and show that Enara is at her parents grave/shrine site. "I miss you Mom and Dad." She stands there for a moment.

"Enara!" Bellows a voice from the forest path. "Enara are you here?" Enara wipes her tears. "Master Jecht!" says Enara running towards the road. Master Jecht is white haired, built like a body builder, and looks so serious it hurts. He has a horse/strange animal/old motorcycle (need help on this) waiting. "I have been looking everywhere for you! Do you know what time it is?" Says Jecht with an angry look on his face. Enara looks a little crushed. "No." Pause of guilt with Jecht looking at her very seriously. "That's probably because you do not have a clock yet." Says Jecht with a smile and a pat on her shoulder. He pulls out a pocket watch and gives it to her. "Congratulations on being in the festival this year." Enara is extatic. She looks at the watch and then give Jecht a giant hug. "Let's get going. You wouldn't want to be late."

An ornately dressed Enara, stands in front of a large audience of villagers. It is a play for the festival. Others are dressed in strange animal masks for this part of the play. Her master is in the audience with the old couple in front of him. I need some help with this part for the legend behind the festival. This is just an idea.

The town elder (probably an old grandmotherly woman) narrates as the people in masks act and dance.

"When the world was new and the sky was young the gods called an assembly to discuss their creation of man." Enara, the only one without a mask, steps forward and bows. "Who has given man a portion of our power?" Demands the dragon god. "It was the trixter" says the bird god. The trixter steps forward (don't know what he looks like, maybe Loki from Norse mythology). "Is it true that you gave man our intelligence the fire creation?" demands the dragon god.
"The Princess asked me and I gave her what she desired. Nothing more. Nothing less."
"For this you will be exiled and stripped of your station. Now we must decide what to do now that man kind knows of this fire. If we do wrong then man may destroy all of our creation." says the Dragon.
"We should hide it in the sky." Said the bird god.
"Man kind will some day reach the sky and they will find it." replies dragon
"We should hide it on the bottom of the ocean." Said the fish god.
"Man kind will some day descend to the bottom of the ocean and find it there as well." Says dragon
"We should hide it deep in the earth." said the god of snakes.
"Man kind will dig it up."
"Is there no where we can hide the power to create where man will not find it?" Asks the lion god.
Then the trixtor, bound and sentenced to exile spoke. "I know of a place where you could hide the power where man would not find it."
"Silence!" Cries the Lion god.
"I know how to hide it so man will never find it no matter where they look." Says the trixter.
"Where is this place?" asked the Gods.
The trixter smiled, "You must put it within man and then hide it in their dreams. For there is no place they will not go, no where they will not look, and no where else to hide it. But if it is with them always then they will never look for it."
"The gods talked for days but could not think of ..."

The narrator stops. There is a screeching sound from the sky. Everyone in the audience and the cast looks up. They see a ship on fire approaching them in the sky. "To the shelters!" Cries the villaige chief. People flee. Jecht stands still. "Master what is it?" Says Enara. "Get my tools from the shop!" Enara runs to the shop. Jecht runs to the chief who is pointing people where to go and getting childrend back to their parents. "What do your eyes and ears tell you Master Jecht?" "They are trying to land. I am going to bring back the survivors if there are any." "It would be best for us to stay uninvolved in the emperor's business of flying machines." "I know this ship." Says Jecht. The chief thinks for a moment. "The past is something that is always with us no matter how far we may run. I will go with you and treat their wounded." "Thank you." Jecht heads for his shop. "Warriors! I need 4 men to join me! The rest of you guard the shelters with your lives! I leave you in command captain" Cries the Elder getting her medical supplies.

Enara is standing in her full festival gear with her goggles on her head and gloves on her hands. She has the master's tool belt in her hand and her own around her waist. "I don't need your tools." Says Jecht putting his tool belt on. "I can help." Says Enara. "Is that what your parents would want you to do?" Enara bites her lip. The warriors gather on their animals. Jecht jumps up onto one. A warrior throws him a weapon. "If you slow us down I will leave you behind." Says Jecht reaching down a hand and pulling Enara up behind him. "Come on men!" The town Elder joins them and they ride off to meet the crashing ship.

Spoiler for Because it didn't flow:

- That is about as far as I thought to go, but we could go further and get the content of the ship and see the bomb child.-

They reach the crash site. Burning wreckage litters the ground. Trees are torn from their roots and branches twisted around them. The ship is bent and twisted. One side of it is smashed. The ship is heavily armored making it difficult to get to. There are bullet holes/dents in the armor indicating a heavy fire fight. Jecht pulls out a crow bar like tool and leverages the entrance. Enara jumps in with her own tool and helps. "Watch the fire!" cries the cheif. Jecht pulls the door opened but not wide enough to enter. "We'll be fine if we can kill the engine. Help me open the door!" The warriors help leverage the door. A small explosion in the back of the ship shoots some fire. Enara darts in the gap before anyone can stop her.

"Enara!" ... and that is as far as I made it. If we want to meet Lady Fay and the bomb kid we can certainly do that. I am not sure how many people were on the ship, but I do plan to have some casualties. No human should have survived the crash. And no normal ones did.

Well, I will think about it and post more later. Maybe we need to see some of Lady Fay fight. Or just stretch it out even if we do not see her actually get anyone. I feel like that first part is kind of quick paced. Maybe to give more of an introduction to Lady Fay we should have her appear before the first set of guards and not show their battle and then when the captain with the key arrives show what she can do. Also we might need to add something before the festival to show the transition.

For masks I am thinking we could use zodiac signs and a chinese dragon like for chinese new year or a japanese one. I ran into a festival in Japan where they wrote their wishes on special paper and added them to a giant bonfire while 2 guys moved around with a giant dragon puppet. They played these super deep bassy drums and ate boiled dicon radishes as a coming of age ceremony went on. It was a pretty cool find for a bike ride in the middle of nowhere.

Also I think it might be good to have the damaged craft still being chased by an enemy ship. That would certainly get the villiagers riled up, especially if a known fighting ship from the empire got destroyed. Just an idea though.

[hell88]

Wow someone was hard at work. LOL

Anyways I thought it was great how you had Lady Fay appear at the beginning. The whole part with Enara went well too I think. As for the part where Enara goes on the ship I thought up a good idea. How about after Enara runs in with Master Jecht, she spots Lady Fay knocked out in some hall with a bunch of bodies around her. Then when Enara goes to help her when she see's her moving Jecht gets in her way yelling "go back!" Then Lady Fay attacks Jecht, but only wounds him a little. Then she goes after the bomb kid but only to notice that he is gone. Then Enara will show up behind her yelling "Wait! Stop!" Lady Fay turns and looks at Enara then cuts a whole in the wall of the ship with something, mabye those claws she has, and runs out. Enara goes after her but only to get lost and come back later to an angry Master Jecht. The only thing on Enara's mind at the time would be on how she wants to find Lady Fay. Thats all I got but I think it would be a good ending for that part of the story.

[chibamonster]

Ooh, I had not thought to have Lady Fay attack anyone. If she was still in battle mode she certainly could still go after people. I am not really sure what to do with the ship yet as I do not exactly know what it looks like nor how many people were on it. I was thinking of having some others on it who died. Then Fay and the Bomb (who we still have not named... How about Kai?) could both be injured a bit as well requiring some care.

[Kagedanji]

So... No demon?

[chibamonster]

Battle mode may as well be the demon. Do you mean having the demon with dialog at the very beginning? I figured we would have it appear more as we develop her character.

[hell88]

Originally Posted by chibamonster

Ooh, I had not thought to have Lady Fay attack anyone. If she was still in battle mode she certainly could still go after people. I am not really sure what to do with the ship yet as I do not exactly know what it looks like nor how many people were on it. I was thinking of having some others on it who died. Then Fay and the Bomb (who we still have not named... How about Kai?) could both be injured a bit as well requiring some care.

Mabye the ship could be investigated and thats how everyone will find out about what it looks like.

Anyways I think Kai would be a good name for the Bomb.

BTW what about the dark knight, when is he going to show up?

[chibamonster]

I also like Kai. Until someone mentions a better name I am submitting that one and will probably use it until a more appealing one appears (like Action McJackson). As for the dark knight he would probably make his entrance into the story after Enara, Fay and Kai (hey names!) escape from the village.

For the ship design I am still up in the air about it. As I thought through how I would draw it I realized the easiest solution; I would probably cheat. I would probably just draw burning wreckage with a few hints at its design for the first installation. Pieces of it still around or something to that effect. Or put it at night so I do not have to render it all. Still thinking about a real ship design though. It all depends what we come up with for concept designs.

[hell88]

Hey I have an idea. Mabye the name Action McJackson could be used as a side character. Kind of like Hercule in Dragonballz. He would be this really big tough guy walking around and eventually he'll run into Fay and she'll kick his ass! LOL then he'll go hide his face for awhile until he feels all the humiliation is over with until someone else makes him look bad like mabye Enara or Master Jecht. He could show up later in the story though. This character could be a fun one to create.

[chibamonster]

There was a shady character that someone mentioned that would appear later. Although who knows how far we will actually get when it comes time for illustration.