Dating

[Ascaloth]

@Samari & RadiantBeam,

That's the thing, usually when she asks me to "tell me something", she's usually expecting me to tell her about something that happened today (we usually save the deeper stuff for the...ahem, more intimate moments. ). Thing is, I don't usually have a lot going on in my daily life; I'm the kind who prefers to relax rather than to go out of my way to occupy myself. That's part of the reason why I don't feel like I usually have very much to tell her.

Originally Posted by Mystique

Hee hee, for a guy who's always opinionated and loud mouthed online, you sure are quiet offline, eh
(Isn't that always the way when hiding behind a monitor, heh...)

I treat everybody equally; the way they deserve to be treated.

Originally Posted by Narona

The others said it well. Just talk! It's not as if you were talking to a female friend or a classmates. You're talking to your lover

Originally Posted by Mystique

Yeah... just talk.
But to call you on the last part Narona, talk to her as if you are talking to your female friend. During dating, there usually hasn't been any sex or intimacy or actual feelings of 'love', so she's not a lover. First off, it's just being bloody good mates with each other so that daily basis of hanging out (sometime in the future) becomes natural and pleasant.
(Then, the sex is a bonus)

Erm....weeell. The most I can say about this is, we haven't made love. Yet.

But I've learnt that something that's incredibly natural for me, actually is difficult for others:
The art of making conversation..

I've said similar things to people and i get guys telling me, 'I dunno what to say!'
So I'll toss the same advice I tossed before, it's usually a Q and A game, naturally this time, more A on your end.
First off, have more faith in yourself.
Someone thinks you're interesting for you so give her more of 'you'.
It's more your thoughts, feelings and random opinions that she wants to hear, it'll give her more info into the kind of person that you are.
We all think we're boring cause we live with ourselves every damn day.
She has get to know you and wants to, so the info is new and fresh.

Example: By the way, did you hear about this latest news? A man married his DS.
(Her: no..)
(You: explain the story then 'what do you think?')
You can ask that in regards to the story and then to her own person opinion generally, you know, the same way we all hash on stuff on GC.

Then there's also 'what do you wanna know?'
She'll come up with a question, most likely. If not, talk about plans and stuff.

The key is to usually pick a topic from the current topic you're on about. This means to damn well listen and letting your brain run free some.
(Eg: From the topic above = marriage, diff styles of weddings, experience of going to one, the funny things about reception parties, thought about your own, DS, DS games, Japan, otaku, people who feel they have to resort to games as a gf, simulation gfs, loneliness.
Or if we're going funny style = trying to divorce a machine, what happens if it runs outta batteries, can you cheat on pixels? - Make some light hearted jokes if you can manage to get a chuckle from her)
That's all the spin off topics that could easily come from that topic alone, just imagine a idea cloud in the middle and then think of all the possible related topics to spin off from it.
Keep the answers deep (as in put some actual thought into it like you have no issues doing here), and no 'yes/no' or the worst:
'I dunno'
Give your opinion and then ask her and shoot the Q and A back and forth.

Naturally it'll be difficult at first to do this via voice, but you've more than enough practice in the thought process by debating here, so apply it offline. Hell, tell her if she seems sincere enough that you're kinda weak at verbal conversation, but you'd like to try to improve so you can talk more with her. (+ because you find her interesting or whatever you wanna personally add)
(Then she'll know that it doesn't mean you have lack of interest in her) and will probably feel giddy that you're making effort to try to interact with her more.

So remember, as much as you love listening to her, she does the same for you, so at least give and take alike

Good luck and have fun with the experience.

Actually, I'm starting to see why I'm having some trouble on this score....our interests aren't all that similar. We share a love for classical music, and we like to talk about our futures, but outside of that, there's still a lot we don't know about each other, and what we do know don't necessarily coincide. For one thing, she's a real Francophile, while I'm not that particularly inclined in that regard (must be your fault, Narona-chan ). So when she starts talking about the French things she loves, I'll be lucky to understand half of it, let alone find something to talk about.

Hmmm. It's been a great first few months, but I'm afraid our dissimilarities are starting to catch up with us.

[Aimingan12]

All people fall in love, young and old. Some freshmen are mature and some aren't however when they are in a relationship with a senior they tend to be more mature.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

That's the thing, usually when she asks me to "tell me something", she's usually expecting me to tell her about something that happened today (we usually save the deeper stuff for the...ahem, more intimate moments. ). Thing is, I don't usually have a lot going on in my daily life; I'm the kind who prefers to relax rather than to go out of my way to occupy myself. That's part of the reason why I don't feel like I usually have very much to tell her.

I think you'd be surprised. Even if you don't think your daily life is very interesting, she might still find it fascinating or worth talking about. It doesn't have to be an amazing, life-changing conversation.

[Crusader]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

Actually, I'm starting to see why I'm having some trouble on this score....our interests aren't all that similar. We share a love for classical music, and we like to talk about our futures, but outside of that, there's still a lot we don't know about each other, and what we do know don't necessarily coincide. For one thing, she's a real Francophile, while I'm not that particularly inclined in that regard (must be your fault, Narona-chan ). So when she starts talking about the French things she loves, I'll be lucky to understand half of it, let alone find something to talk about.

Hmmm. It's been a great first few months, but I'm afraid our dissimilarities are starting to catch up with us.

I guess it depends how on how much your into her, but perhaps you could get a little more involved in what she likes, something you know little about, and ask her to explain things to you. It may make you feel silly, but that could be one thing or You could try to doing things that neither of you are really interested in and maybe develop a fondness for it.

Have you guys ever really discussed what you want out of this relationship or relationships in general?

[Aimingan12]

@Ascoloth
I agree with Crusade on this.
Try to take interest in the things she tells you about or likes. And tell her about what you like so she and you have something interesting to talk about. And taking an interest in what she likes can be fun and enjoyable as well.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by suiryoku

Can I get an opinion on high school seniors dating freshman? Most people tell me it's ethically wrong.

If you two are really in love and serious about it, she might be the one for you

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

Erm....weeell. The most I can say about this is, we haven't made love. Yet.

My bad I use the word lover too freely. Sorry I didn't use it in that sense

Replace it with "your unofficial GF"

Actually, I'm starting to see why I'm having some trouble on this score....our interests aren't all that similar. We share a love for classical music, and we like to talk about our futures, but outside of that, there's still a lot we don't know about each other, and what we do know don't necessarily coincide. For one thing, she's a real Francophile, while I'm not that particularly inclined in that regard (must be your fault, Narona-chan ). So when she starts talking about the French things she loves, I'll be lucky to understand half of it, let alone find something to talk about.

What do you mean by "not particulary inclined in that regard"?

Anyway, instead of pointing your finger at me as the cause of your lack of french cultures If it can help you, you can PM or come on msn if you want to ask anything about France and the French to Teacher Narona~~

Hmmm. It's been a great first few months, but I'm afraid our dissimilarities are starting to catch up with us.

*slaps ascaloth x100* To not see things as granted can be good, but to be defeatist so easily is not.

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Narona

What do you mean by "not particulary inclined in that regard"?

By which, I mean I'm not as much of a French-otaku as she is. I hope that makes my meaning clearer.

Anyway, instead of pointing your finger at me as the cause of your lack of french cultures If it can help you, you can PM or come on msn if you want to ask anything about France and the French to Teacher Narona~~

*slaps ascaloth x100* To not see things as granted can be good, but to be defeatist so easily is not.

*is slapped* See, this violence is part of the reason why I'm afraid of most things French. It's all your fault.

Joking aside, you're right. I guess I still have some way to go where fixing my defeatist attitude is concerned.

[Samari]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

@Samari & RadiantBeam,

That's the thing, usually when she asks me to "tell me something", she's usually expecting me to tell her about something that happened today (we usually save the deeper stuff for the...ahem, more intimate moments. ). Thing is, I don't usually have a lot going on in my daily life; I'm the kind who prefers to relax rather than to go out of my way to occupy myself. That's part of the reason why I don't feel like I usually have very much to tell her.

Well what are your interests? Don't you do things like everyone else such as watch movies, eat at restaurants, listen to music, etc? Me and my girlfriend are both illustration majors, so if we're not talking about what movies we like, or what places we want to visit, food we've tasted lately, or whatever...we talk about some artwork or artists that inspire us or just "whatever"...perhaps your girlfriend is asking you to tell her something because you just don't talk at all?

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Samari

Well what are your interests? Don't you do things like everyone else such as watch movies, eat at restaurants, listen to music, etc? Me and my girlfriend are both illustration majors, so if we're not talking about what movies we like, or what places we want to visit, food we've tasted lately, or whatever...we talk about some artwork or artists that inspire us or just "whatever"...perhaps your girlfriend is asking you to tell her something because you just don't talk at all?

Perhaps. Like I said, it's my bad. In fact, we do talk to each other at length about all sorts of stuff, but then there comes a point where we just exhaust everything there is to be said, and then she starts daydreaming and we start smiling at each other for nothing at all. I think the fact that I have the tendency to steer the conversation towards her side of the story about anything also has something to do with it; I'm afraid I just like hearing her voice that much.

That's why I don't know. Is this something to worry about, or is this just normal?

[RadiantBeam]

If you aren't willing to talk to her about yourself when she gets curious and asks about it, then yes, it can become a problem. It's perfectly normal to be nervous about talking about yourself or your day, but it's part of what makes a relationship work, being able to just talk about your day even if you don't think it's interesting. If it's something you can't talk about on a consistent basis, then it becomes a problem because she thinks you aren't willing to open up to her.

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

If you aren't willing to talk to her about yourself when she gets curious and asks about it, then yes, it can become a problem. It's perfectly normal to be nervous about talking about yourself or your day, but it's part of what makes a relationship work, being able to just talk about your day even if you don't think it's interesting. If it's something you can't talk about on a consistent basis, then it becomes a problem because she thinks you aren't willing to open up to her.

Heh heh. It's not that I'm unwilling to talk about my day, it's just that most of the time I dunno what to say. It's something I have to work on.

[Aimingan12]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

Heh heh. It's not that I'm unwilling to talk about my day, it's just that most of the time I dunno what to say. It's something I have to work on.

That's somewhat common in relationships. Boost your confidence and tell her what you can about yourself. And if your not too sure about what you want to say talk about a recent movie or about what you watched on the news, anything.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

By which, I mean I'm not as much of a French-otaku as she is. I hope that makes my meaning clearer.

What does she like so much about France? I might be able to crush what French things she idealizes depending on what it is.

*is slapped* See, this violence is part of the reason why I'm afraid of most things French. It's all your fault.

Joking aside, you're right. I guess I still have some way to go where fixing my defeatist attitude is concerned.

You really don't like getting slapped? Or do you?

I don't really understand what makes you so defeatist. You say those months were great, so what is it? What do you feel (that's what is important)?

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Aimingan12

That's somewhat common in relationships. Boost your confidence and tell her what you can about yourself. And if your not too sure about what you want to say talk about a recent movie or about what you watched on the news, anything.

Haha well, okay, I'll try that. I think maybe I'm just too worried that she wouldn't be interested in whatever I might have to say, I guess. Gotta work this out myself.

Originally Posted by Narona

What does she like so much about France? I might be able to crush what French things she idealizes depending on what it is.

Hmmm....it's mostly the language, I believe. As an extension of that, she's been taking an interest in French music lately; just last night I heard her perform Lara Fabian's Je t'aime on stage (I don't fully understand what she was singing about, but I can say for sure that she was awesome, lemme tell you). Also she has been in love with Notre Dame de Paris for a while now, particularly Belle. If there's anything else about French culture she idolizes, I haven't heard about it yet.

She's a cultured lass. Sometimes I feel like such a plebian next to her. XD

You really don't like getting slapped? Or do you?

I don't really understand what makes you so defeatist. You say those months were great, so what is it? What do you feel (that's what is important)?

I still love her, that's for certain. And to make it better, now she's pretty sure she loves me too. To put things in perspective, I suppose I have to be fair to myself and say that we're going strong. I guess the root of the problem is....well, see above. The whole "plebian" part, to be specific.

[Narona]

[QUOTE]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

Hmmm....it's mostly the language, I believe. As an extension of that, she's been taking an interest in French music lately; just last night I heard her perform Lara Fabian's Je t'aime on stage (I don't fully understand what she was singing about, but I can say for sure that she was awesome, lemme tell you). Also she has been in love with Notre Dame de Paris for a while now, particularly Belle. If there's anything else about French culture she idolizes, I haven't heard about it yet.

Lara Fabian o___o

Well, anyways I admit I like NDDP too

About the language. Can't really comment. While I can criticize the French a lot, I actually really like the language, just like your GF.

Nothing to crush

I still love her, that's for certain. And to make it better, now she's pretty sure she loves me too. To put things in perspective, I suppose I have to be fair to myself and say that we're going strong. I guess the root of the problem is....well, see above. The whole "plebian" part, to be specific.

You remind me a joke in a comic book. IIRC, you can see a grandpa talking to his grandson. Then the grandpa says "you know, girls like everything that is a bit silly/idiotic". Then the grandma arrives silently behind her husband, pats him on the head by surprise, and says "exactly".

Joking aside, you should not worry so much about that (I say that because apparently she didn't show anything that could make you think that she is annoyed about you not knowing as many things as her). And you still have the time to learn a lot of things. Why not asking your GF to tell you even more things about french and France? No need to be a pro to show some interest in what she likes.

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Narona

You remind me a joke in a comic book. IIRC, you can see a grandpa talking to his grandson. Then the grandpa says "you know, girls like everything that is a bit silly/idiotic". Then the grandma arrives silently behind her husband, pats him on the head by surprise, and says "exactly".

Joking aside, you should not worry so much about that (I say that because apparently she didn't show anything that could make you think that she is annoyed about you not knowing as many things as her). And you still have the time to learn a lot of things. Why not asking your GF to tell you even more things about french and France? No need to be a pro to show some interest in what she likes.

....ouch. And she just told me on MSN that I can sing, "but not so well". Double ouch. This just isn't my night when it comes to the ladies.

That aside, thanks for this piece for advice. I'll try to take this more optimistic view towards my plebian status in relation to her.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

....ouch. And she just told me on MSN that I can sing, "but not so well". Double ouch. This just isn't my night when it comes to the ladies.

That aside, thanks for this piece for advice. I'll try to take this more optimistic view towards my plebian status in relation to her.

Hey hey, what I wrote above was a joke from a comic book, not a bad comment about you =D

You do really not know anything that she doesn't know yet? Is she doing the same studies as you?

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Narona

Hey hey, what I wrote above was a joke from a comic book, not a bad comment about you =D

You do really not anything that she doesn't know yet? Is she doing the same studies as you?

*blink* Erm, if you mean "is there anything I know that she doesn't", I'm pretty sure there definitely is stuff I know more about than her. And I do tell her a lot of these things, and her reaction is usually an "uh huh". Because English is not her first language, I cannot be sure whether she's feigning interest when she responds like that, and whether she's actually interested in listening is actually being bored when I do.

And no, she's majoring in Communications and New Media, while I major in Sociology. That works to my benefit, actually; I get to tell her things she never suspected in the workings of human society, and that's one of the few instances when I'm sure I can get to impress her just a bit.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

*blink* Erm, if you mean "is there anything I know that she doesn't", I'm pretty sure there definitely is stuff I know more about than her. And I do tell her a lot of these things, and her reaction is usually an "uh huh". Because English is not her first language, I cannot be sure whether she's feigning interest when she responds like that, and whether she's actually interested in listening is actually being bored when I do.

I forgot a word, sorry.

Anyway, what about asking her? Like "what do you mean by *uh huh*?"

Don't tell me you fear women's reactions that much ;( Joke aside, I think I know what you mean. You're scared that she might think that "you're pointing out the fact that she doesn't understand english that well" and so that you belittle her. Am I wrong?

Just be careful about what you say, and how you say it.

And no, she's majoring in Communications and New Media, while I major in Sociology. That works to my benefit, actually; I get to tell her things she never suspected in the workings of human society, and that's one of the few instances when I'm sure I can get to impress her just a bit.

Good good. Did you tell her how you kick some asses on a certain forum when you point the logical fallacies that people do? Na, seriously. That's good


edit: lol sorry I wrote "him", instead of "her".

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Narona

I forgot a word, sorry.

Anyway, what about asking her? Like "what do you mean by *uh huh*?"

Don't tell me you fear women's reactions that much ;( Joke aside, I think I know what you mean. You're scared that she might think that "you're pointing out the fact that she doesn't understand english that well" and so that you belittle her. Am I wrong?

Just be careful about what you say, and how you say it.

It might be that. I think it's mostly because it's just never occured to me to ask 'what do you mean by *uh huh*?'. Maybe it's because I'm not inclined to press the issue with her when there's really no need to; maintenance of harmony and all that jazz, you know.

Good good. Did you tell her how you kick some asses on a certain forum when you point the logical fallacies that people do? Na, seriously. That's good


edit: lol sorry I wrote "him", instead of "her".

Well, if it ever comes to that, I'll be more likely to discuss our opinions on the topics themselves, instead of bragging to her about something as pointless as being an Internet tough guy.