Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[Megaolix]

Originally Posted by Yasanagi

Spoiler for More MD:

Yuuno was thankful that he and Seikou managed to execute the landing procedure safely. Atmospheric re-entry wasn’t something he was comfortable pulling off in an alien ship, even though he managed it once before on that previous world where the Materials saw those other Huckebein.

Still, the sight of this world lifted his spirits. He actually recognized the fresh green vegetation and the peaceful looking atmosphere. And spotting the housing structures up north during the landing sequence earlier had confirmed his hunch. Even if it wasn’t quite Mid-Childa yet, it would only be a four hour trip from here to Cranagan so as far as he was concerned, he got past the difficult hurdles of the journey.

“Seikou, can you let the others know that we’ll be disembarking soon?”

“Roger that.”

While the Starlight Destroyer exited the cockpit, Yuuno started making a mental list of things to do. First things first would be to inform the two people that he knew were living on this planet of his arrival. “Hello? Can you hear me?”

The response to his telepathic call came back pretty quickly. As expected, they sounded very surprised. “Yuuno-sensei…? Is that really you? How did you get here?”

“Sorry, it’s a long story. But I’ll tell you when I get there with my friends. Oh, and if you have chicken on you, that would be fantastic for keeping Rai occupied.”

“Chicken? Where did that come from? Just what is going-”

He deactivated the telepathic connection and then headed for his quarters to retrieve his things. Along the way, he saw the Fate replica easily disconnect the fridge she had stolen earlier so she could carry it with her. “Rai?”

She looked over and smiled happily. “Hi, Yuu-nii!”

“You’re… taking the whole fridge?” asked the Librarian in disbelief.

“Duh! Do you think I would leave food here to waste? Think of the Starving Armenians! Or if you want an in-universe example, the Starving Orussians!” exclaimed Material-L.

“Then where are you going to get electrical power to keep stuff cold, Ms. Smarty Pants?”

Without hesitation, she picked up the electric plug and jammed it into her right ear, causing the fridge to start humming again. “Ta-dah!”

“… … you got me there.” Seriously, what the hell? That was pretty freaky.

The Lightning Assailant merely giggled. “Hehehehe! Rai-chan one, Yuu-nii zero!”

He merely sighed under his breath. “You’ll be okay carrying that by yourself?”

“No sweat!” Complete with the V-sign from her free hand.

“If you say so.” The sound of someone else emerging from their quarters alerted him to the presence of the Lord of Darkness. “Good afternoon, Your Majesty.”

Material-D acknowledged the man with a slight nod. She seemed normal enough and back in her usual calm and graceful form. No trace of that fury that he saw back when he told her the story of Reinforce. It looked like that she had been able to deal with her emotions so that was a good sign.

“Yo, Yami-chan! It’ll be great to get outta this stuffy place, ne?”

The Hayate replica huffed upon hearing her subject address her in such a casual manner. “Call me ‘Your Majesty’! And why are you lugging that thing around?”

“How many times do I gotta tell ya to think of the Starving Armenians?” exclaimed Material-L.

“I am not going to dignify that with an answer,” grumbled Material-D. “And another thing…”

“Sorry, but I need to go get my stuff so if you’ll excuse me, ladies…” Yuuno moved past the two women so that he didn’t have to overhear their bickering. Once he got into his quarters, he checked to make sure that he had everything. If his memory served him right, he only brought some basic archaeological gear, some supplies, a notebook and his laptop so that should be all he had to get together.

Speaking of the notebook, he quickly jotted down a reminder to himself so he could set aside some time to figure out what to do with this ship since the original owners are dead and that the vessel had been essentially acquired through illegal means. Once that was done, he finished his clean up and joined the others outside.

**********

“So where are we going, Yuuno-san?”

“The place is about three kilometres north of the landing site. We’ve been walking for about fifteen minutes so it’s just a little further ahead,” answered the Librarian.

“And you choose to walk rather than fly?” asked Material-D with a hint of annoyance.

“The walking distance is not too bad and I wanted to avoid flying so that there wouldn’t be any disturbing of the natural wildlife in the area.”

“Ah… wanted to avoid random battle encounters, hm?” Apparently, Material-L’s hearing was still pretty good, even with one ear stuffed with an electric plug.

He chuckled a little. “Something like that.”

“Come to think of it, Sette-chan probably could have used some more battle practice. Get some experience points and all that.” The Fate replica looked over to the Combat Cyborg, who seemed to be lost in thought. “Sette-chan, what do you think?”

“I… have no comment.” She hadn’t been paying attention to the conversation as she had been focused on the sudden brief reaction that the microchip had a few blocks back.

“Ah, there it is!” The ladies turned to where Yuuno was pointing and saw two residential buildings up ahead. The one on the right looked like a typical multi storey house while the one of the left appeared to be more of a chalet.

“How quaint,” said Material-D in a dry tone.

“Sorry if it’s not as luxurious as you had expected but keep in mind that they practically built this place by themselves.” They made their way up to the front door of the house on the right with Yuuno being the one to press the doorbell.

A few seconds later, the door was opened by one of the inhabitants. “Yuuno-sensei, you’re… eh?”

“Sorry to drop in like this, Lutecia,” said Yuuno in an apologetic tone.

“Hello,” greeted Seikou in a polite tone as she bowed to the people who greeted them.

“We’ll be in your care… more or less,” grumbled Yami.

“And we brought some gifts! Basically, you get everything in here except the food!” exclaimed Rai before she dropped the fridge down (complete with a huge THUD) in front of a stunned Lutecia and Megane Alpine.

I am grinning so hard right now, you have no idea.

[blitz1/2]

Originally Posted by shiroi mahotsukai

I have an image in my head now.

Yuuno: Yeah, that's what happened to me over the last few months, I'm sorry for all the trouble but really, it's quite unnecassery.

*Crickets chirp*

They don't stop.

The image I have is different, it's more like the bureau are finally convinced that the Materials completely brainwashed Yuuno, because remember of that mind bend technique, I am sure the Bureau has archives and information about that.

[00-Raiser]

Originally Posted by blitz1/2

The image I have is different, it's more like the bureau are finally convinced that the Materials completely brainwashed Yuuno, because remember of that mind bend technique, I am sure the Bureau has archives and information about that.

This could lead to a parody of the "I know you're in there somewhere" fight.

Nanoha: Yuuno-kun, you have to snap out of it!

Yuuno: No, but like I've been saying, I...

Nanoha: Don't let them control you! Come back to us!

Yuuno: Would you listen to me for a second?!

Nanoha: Don't worry, I'll save you... by knocking you out!

Yuuno: ............ *flees*

[Yasanagi]

Dammit, I am so tempted to use that somewhere.

Nanoha: Don't worry, it'll only hurt a little!

Yuuno: Nanoha, just listen to me!

Nanoha: No, Yuuno-kun! You have to listen...

Raising Heart: Divine...

Nanoha: ...TO ME!

Raising Heart: ...Buster.

Yuuno: SUCH MISFORTUNE!!

[Kuroi Hadou]

Originally Posted by Yasanagi

Yuuno: SUCH MISFORTUNE!!

Someone's been watching too much To Aru.

[00-Raiser]

Heh, that was actually a thought that lead me to develop Rise of the Daemon Kaiser. I realised that Yuuno is the only one who Nanoha didn't befriend the hard way which might be a reason why people think he's not very important. So I got him into a position where he'd get blasted hardcore

[shiroi mahotsukai]

It makes me wonder whether "Befriending" is more effective coming right out of the blue, like we've seen so far, or whether it would be more devastating if you'd known her for years and watched it happen again and again - like Yuuno funilly enough.

[blitz1/2]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

Heh, that was actually a thought that lead me to develop Rise of the Daemon Kaiser. I realised that Yuuno is the only one who Nanoha didn't befriend the hard way which might be a reason why people think he's not very important. So I got him into a position where he'd get blasted hardcore

It's love. Hard core love. Damn, I think I finally get the
"Love-coloured Master spark divine buster/starlight breaker"

[Tempy]

Speaking of love:

Food For Thought

Previous chapter(s):

First Course

• Chapter 1
• Chapter 2
• Chapter 3
• Chapter 4

Second Course

• Chapter 5

Chapter 6:

Spoiler for Egg on your face:

There were four places that Kevin found himself visiting frequently: the supermarket, the park, a
certain street within the urban areas, and his own workplace. Today, he was at the market,
grabbing ingredients uncommon to a Japanese kitchen, but necessary in his trade. At the same
time, he would battle the mothers, the wives, and the financially aware for rights to certain sales.
While his foreign appearance and larger size gave him somewhat of an advantage, the lust for
sales goods often overrode the Japanese urge to shrink away. For this very reason, he found a
cane shoved into his neck as an older lady was pushed aside by a chatty gaggle of middle-aged
women, just as a cart rammed into his legs and threatened to knock him off balance. Alas, the
poor store employee, she was quickly being overwhelmed by the sale-hungry group.

Fortunately, the sale seemed to be about sausages and eggs, and not the protein Kevin sought
today. Pork and chicken were fine for the most part, but today, he was hankering for some beef.
As he reached out for a particularly nice cut of cow, his hand collided with a smaller, younger
one.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said automatically, turning to look at the owner of the hand. Asdfahdldf
that’s not fair. A girl in a wheelchair with short brown hair, curiously blue eyes, staring up at him
in apology and wonder? How was he going to win against that? No, he had already lost. He
stepped back to give her space. “Go ahead.”

“Oh, um… thank you,” she said with a curious accent, but didn’t take the meat. “Are you sure?
I can just get another one.”

“I’m sure. You probably need it more than I do.”

“Thank you!” she smiled, causing Kevin’s heart to spasm. So, this is what they call death by
cuteness? As she picked up the package, the older man grabbed a different package. The beef
wasn’t as good as the first one, but it was fine. With a smile, he nodded goodbye and continued
the rest of his shopping. A cute encounter, but it was just a small moment of niceness to the
upcoming horror of checkout. Everyone wanted to get in the shortest line, and no one wanted to
wait. With a sigh, Kevin just stepped into a line and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And hey, it’s that wheelchair girl again. She was further back in line, but she was being
smothered by all the people that were pushing and shoving to get into line. When her head was
knocked by a bagged bottle of juice, Kevin found himself slipping out of line and making his way
through the crowd all the way to the wheelchair. He pushed the closest offender, a middle-aged
woman that looked ready to fight back, away enough to give the wheelchair girl some breathing
space.

“Hey. Back off,” he growled in English, giving the woman a look that cowed her well enough to
step back. Suddenly, Kevin found himself with a lot more personal space, as the crowd moved
to keep away from the scary foreigner. The line seemed to be moving a little quicker, too.

There was a term for this, coined by another foreigner… what was it? Oh yeah: gaijin smash.

Just in case, he stuck by the girl, pushing her along. A little while later, they finally managed to
escape that nightmare.

“Whew. Wow, thank you for that, mister,” the child looked up at him. “I picked a bad time to
go shopping.”

“It’s nothing. You are going to be okay?”

“Yep! I’ll be fine. I just wish it wasn’t always so rowdy in there.”

Looking back at the store, he grumbled, “This is why I get groceries shipped to my shop.”

“Oh? You have a store?” the girl managed to hear.

“Store, no,” Kevin shook his head, “I’m a cook a restaurant in the suburbs. It’s called the
Midoriya.”

“Really?! Wow! I’m talking to a real deal chef!” there were stars in her eyes.

“Err, no, I’m just a cook. I’m not good enough to be called a chef.”

“Woooow, a chef. This could be a good thing!” the girl didn’t seem to hear him. “I wonder if…”

The look she gave him was borderline predatory. Scary.

“Ne, are you free today?”

“Err, sort of. Why?”

“Could you come over to my place and show a friend of mine how to cook? She's a lost cause."

“I… do you really want me to?” Kevin raised an eyebrow. “I could just be a suspicious guy
trying to get you.”

“Oh no, if that were the case, you would have done something terrible by now, and you would
have been annihilated within the hour,” she waved it off. “Besides, I get the feeling you’re a
trustworthy man. I’m Hayate, by the way. Yagami Hayate.”

“Nice to meet you. Just call me Kevin.” Wait, what was that about being annihilated?

“Kei Bin?” she tilted her head.

“Close enough.”

Her fingers pressed together daintily as she cranked the cuteness to eleven, “So, could you
come? Please?”

Certainly an unusual request, but a girl in a wheelchair was difficult to refuse. It was like a Girl
Scout in crutches or a big cast asking if you wanted to buy cookies – you could not say no. And
today he had the morning off, unneeded until dinner time. The cautious side of him told Kevin to
refuse, but even that side was quickly squashed by the twinge in his chest. Arrgh. The cuteness
was overwhelming aadsfasdfjalkdhgalkfhadfah—

Suddenly, he was pushing the girl’s wheelchair as they walked back to her home, idle chatter
about favorite dishes and Kevin’s past travels passing between the two. The groceries were
comfortably hanging off the handles and in Hayate’s lap, though he wasn’t exactly sure when and
how this all happened. The two eventually reached the girl’s home, barely a short walk away.

Even from some ten feet away, Kevin felt like someone was watching him, wary and suspicious.
Well, it was probably his nerves of going into a stranger’s house. Barely did they get through the
threshold did a new challenger appeared.

“Hayaaatteee~!” a young girl with braided red hair appeared suddenly, almost flying as she came
to hug Hayate. “Where did you go?! The market? Why didn’t you bring one of us? I was
worried!”

“Maa, maa, I’m sorry, Vita-chan! I just realized we were missing some stuff for dinner, so I just
hopped out to grab it,” Hayate soothed the girl with liberal head pats and hair petting, hugging
the child back.

“Who’s he?” Vita, apparently, suddenly turned and glared at him with enough heat to melt
through him.

“A friend, don’t worry. I brought him to help Shamal with lunch.”

Vita snorted, “Pff. Good luck with that.”

Suddenly, there was something poking him from behind.

“Who are you?” the voice was low and feminine.

Hayate turned around as best she could sitting, “Signum! No threatening our guest!”

“I just want to know who he is.”

Kevin, for his part, took a step forward, away from the pointy thing, and turned around, “My
apologies. My name is Kevin, and I’m a local cook. At Hayate’s request, I came here to help
her with lunch, and possibly about teaching someone.”

The person, a lady with magenta hair and a bokken in hand, seemed to relax after a moment,
though her eyes remained wary, “I see. Forgive me, I am only worried about her.”

With no other words, she tucked away the sword and brushed passed the two, disappearing
somewhere into the house. Despite her departure, Kevin could still feel eyes on him. This entire
house wanted to kill him.

Hayate frowned momentarily, but quickly brightened up, “You’ll have to excuse her. She’s very
shy and wary of strangers, and she can be a little troublesome when meeting new people.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being a little overprotective,” Kevin waved it off. “You’re an
adorable girl and difficult to resist.”

“Ara. Could it be you’re hitting on me? Am I mature enough to catch your eyes?” The Kansai
girl coquettishly placed a finger on her lip, looking demure yet playful. Were he a decade
younger, it may have worked, but right now he just shook his head.

“Don’t push your luck, kiddo. Let’s see your kitchen.”

“Awww,” Hayate pouted, but smiled anyways, “Right this way~”

The two, no wait, three (including Vita) wheeled right by the largest blue-furred dog he had ever
seen. Nevermind that it seemed more wolf than dog, it was freakin’ blue. Rather than pursue the
strange topic, however, Kevin just nodded at the dog—wait did it just nod back? …Perhaps it
was time to request a little time off.

Ahh, the kitchen. It was modest, but sizable for a Japanese home. Already there was a young
blonde woman, fretting over a carrot on the cutting board. Lifting up her blade, she prepared to
bring down a large meat cleaver onto the poor root.

“You must really hate that carrot put so much effort into it,” Kevin commented. “Are you
murdering it or just cutting it?”

“Eh?” she turned to look, knife still in hand.

Hayate wheeled in, handing the groceries to Vita, “Shamal~! This is Kevin, a professional
culinary specialist and someone I asked to come in to help us! Vita, could you put away the
food?”

“I’m guessing this is the person you want me to help?” Kevin looked to the wheelchair-bound
girl, then back at Shamal. She still hadn’t put the knife down.

“If you would kindly?”

“I’ll see what I can do,” he approached the lady. “Shamal, right? My name is Kevin. As Hayate
said, I will be helping you. Could you put that knife down?

“Um… sure?” Shamal carefully placed the blade down, much to Kevin’s mental relief.

“The cleaver is a universal knife, and it’s popular with Chinese cooking. For you, however, I
would suggest a Western chef’s knife,” Kevin explained, glancing at the knife block nearby.
How convenient. The cook drew one of the knives, a moderately sized tool with a tapered blade.

“It’s a good knife. Balanced, light, but sturdy,” he held it normally, grip in hand. Suddenly, he
twirled it around his finger, like that of a gunslinger with his pistol. Shamal stared at the spinning
blade, half in worry that it’ll fall or cut the cook, and half in wonder. She blinked when Kevin
grabbed the grip again, “Sorry. Bad habit of mine.”

“That was amazing! You can use a knife like Signum can with a sword!”

“I figured she was good with one of those,” the earlier incident flashed in his memory.

“Erm, well, she is an experienced kendo instructor, and she teaches at a local dojo,” Shamal
spoke rather quickly.

“Ahh. I see. Well, she’s got a workable skill. I’m only decent with a kitchen knife,” Kevin
shrugged and slid the knife back into the stand. “Anyways, we won’t need this today. The first
lesson is temperature control, time and the magic of boiling water. I hope we don’t have to go
over how to boil water.”

“Hey now! I know how to boil water! I make tea all the time!”

“Oh good, then you understand that green tea must be served at specific temperatures?”

“Eh… r-really?”

“Of course. Now, here we have a batch of Gyokuro green tea,” Kevin picked up a small can
from the shelf. “Great selection, by the way, Hayate. You got excellent taste.”

Hayate beamed at the praise.

“Gyokuro is a delicate, subtle tea whose flavor is destroyed by too much heat. As such, a
relatively low temperature, like fifty to sixty degrees Celsius, is ideal.

“For something like genmaicha, something higher like eighty, eighty-five degrees is best,” Kevin
picked up another can of tea, showing it to the blonde. “Then you’ve got something called
steeping time. Genmaicha should be steeped for three to five minutes, while Gyokuro gets a
little over one minute.”

A third can, the largest of the bunch, was placed next to the others, “Sencha is probably the
most popular, and the one you folks drink the most. Eighty degrees, like genmaicha, but it gets
steeped for one minute. You following me?”

Probably not, as it was a lot of information. Kevin was pretty sure Shamal’s eyes were swirling
about now.

“I… I think I do?”

“You certainly know a lot about tea!” Hayate spoke up. “Have you done a tea ceremony at all?
I bet you’ve been through a lot of them to know this.”

Kevin shrugged, “Cha no yu? Ehh… I find Japanese tea ceremonies to be a little stuffy. I can
appreciate the culture behind it, but I’m not one to sit through one, let alone host. I learned from
drinkers, not makers. Old folks, especially, since they tend to be a little more stringent about
how their drinks are made.”

“So, all this time, I was burning the tea?” Shamal stared at the cans of tea.

“Well…” Hayate murmured.

Kevin just asked right out, “Did you bring the water to a rolling boil then pour it right in?”

“Yes…?”

“Yeah. You burnt the tea.”

“I didn’t realize something as making tea was so… complex!”

“You’ll pick up on it soon enough. You might even be able to predict temperatures based on
time alone.”

“Really?”

“Sure. But first, we need to cook. Our first objective will be making hard-boiled eggs.”

“I’ll get some distance…” Hayate started to wheel off.

“Don’t die, now,” Vita followed.

“Hey! I’m not that bad! Hayateee~! Vitaaa~!” Shamal whined, only to be tapped on the
forehead by her teacher.

“Focus. You stop paying attention and you might hurt yourself or make a mess. Now then;
water, heating element, pot, egg. Not much to it but timing and temperature. Ready?”

“Okay…”

Thirty minutes later…

The chaos that occurred between then and now cannot be adequately described in textual form.
No, it would be more accurate to say that there are no ways to succinctly describe the
pandemonium, and to fully illustrate it all would be to subject you to long, verbose, and almost
purple-prose-like descriptions of it all. Plus, there are just not enough words to write it all out
without repeated repeats. Instead, let us merely look to Kevin’s response as he witnessed the
end of a clean kitchen.

“Wow. This is just a massacre.” Kevin said dryly, staring at the messy (an understatement)
kitchen. His earlier optimism was ruined, as was the ceiling. Yolk, cooked and runny alike,
splattered the counter and walls like bloodstains, while bits of egg white and shell clung to the
walls and ceiling like bone fragments and visceral bits. How does one make an egg explode like
that from boiling?

“It’s not my faaaaullt!” Shamal sobbed, her apron covered in gunk and her blonde hair even
more yellow from yolk.

How? How did this all happen? Was it Shamal? The ingredients? The tools? It couldn’t have
been him – he had done nothing at all. But then, that could be the problem… It had all happened
so quickly each time; the water heated up; the water boiled; something happened here—oh god
the eggs were everywhere. Each time, the attempt ended in catastrophe. What in the world was
going on? Kevin’s thoughts, however, were interrupted when a girl with short brown hair peeked
around the corner.

“Is lunch ready yet?” Hayate asked, eyes wide and glazed over with hunger. The puppy-eyed
look she had tugged at his heartstrings.

“It’s… hmm…” the cook glanced over the mess they had made. At the rate Shamal was
learning and the amount of time needed to produce something delicious, nutritious, and overall
not-looking-like-zombie-food…

Estimated time to completion: never.

Perhaps it was time to call it quits for now.

“I’ll take over for now. Shamal, please clean.”

Hayate brightened considerably at that, “What are you making?”

“Sandwiches.”

Bread, lettuce, what good egg he could scavenge, celery, mayonnaise, lemon juice, salt, pepper,
and a bit of mustard made for a quick but scrumptious egg salad sandwich that was accompanied
by a side of chips. Before he could serve the sandwiches, however, he was intercepted by a
strange stare from both Hayate and that Vita girl.

Kevin followed their gaze to the sandwiches, particularly a certain part of the bread, “…You
don’t like crust?”

They didn’t outright say so, but their change in attention was enough.

Vita tensed as she watched that silver blade move, her blue eyes tracking it as if it were a deadly
snake. Hayate may like this guy, and the others may have accepted him, but that didn’t mean she
had to as well. Not to mention, this guy had a scary good skill with the knife.

Four five quick cuts, and the sandwich was bisected and the crust trimmed. Everyone was given
their plate (even the dog…wolf… whatever it is, got a plate), and how lucky for Shamal to be
excused from cleaning to eat.

One bite, and Hayate was staring at Kevin with misty, starry eyes, “Marry me?”

The cook chuckled, shaking his head, “You’re ten years too early, kiddo.”

“Then marry Signum!”

The swordswoman and Kevin exchanged glances, “Could be nice, but no.”

“Shamal?”

“Don’t push it.”

---

Recipe File – Egg Salad Sandwich
[Serves two]

4 hard-boiled eggs (recipe to follow)
1-2 tbsp mayonnaise
2-3 tsp Dijon mustard (optional)
1 tsp lemon juice
1 stalk celery
1 tsp chives
4 slices bread
lettuce
Salt and pepper

A perfectly hard-boiled egg makes for a perfect egg salad. As such, you’ll want to avoid
overcooked eggs (they’ll have that grey-green layer in the yolk) and undercooked eggs. To
make the perfectly hard-boiled egg, place your eggs in a pot and cover with cold water, until
they are submerged by about an inch (2.5cm). Be aware, a very fresh egg is harder to peel than
an older egg.

Heat this pot over high until the water just begins to boil. At that moment, cover and take the pot
off the heat. Do not touch the pot for 15-17 minutes.

In the meantime, prepare a bowl with some iced water. Once the 15-17 minutes are up, transfer
the eggs over to the ice water and let cool. You may then peel and set aside the eggs.

Now then, for the main dish.

Taking your eggs, chop them coarsely and toss them into a bowl. If this is too bothersome, just
cut them in half and toss them whole into the bowl – you can just mash the eggs up.

Chop the celery coarsely as well, and toss into the bowl along with the mayonnaise, mustard,
salt, pepper, lemon juice, and chives.

Mash and mix the stuff together.

Assemble sandwich with the bread and lettuce, and enjoy.

Tempest Note: Want more? Add bacon, chopped pickles, lobster, ham, etc.

[DezoPenguin]

Originally Posted by Tempy

Speaking of love:

Food For Thought

Previous chapter(s):

First Course

• Chapter 1
• Chapter 2
• Chapter 3
• Chapter 4

Second Course

• Chapter 5

Chapter 6:

Spoiler for Egg on your face:

There were four places that Kevin found himself visiting frequently: the supermarket, the park, a
certain street within the urban areas, and his own workplace. Today, he was at the market,
grabbing ingredients uncommon to a Japanese kitchen, but necessary in his trade. At the same
time, he would battle the mothers, the wives, and the financially aware for rights to certain sales.
While his foreign appearance and larger size gave him somewhat of an advantage, the lust for
sales goods often overrode the Japanese urge to shrink away. For this very reason, he found a
cane shoved into his neck as an older lady was pushed aside by a chatty gaggle of middle-aged
women, just as a cart rammed into his legs and threatened to knock him off balance. Alas, the
poor store employee, she was quickly being overwhelmed by the sale-hungry group.

Fortunately, the sale seemed to be about sausages and eggs, and not the protein Kevin sought
today. Pork and chicken were fine for the most part, but today, he was hankering for some beef.
As he reached out for a particularly nice cut of cow, his hand collided with a smaller, younger
one.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said automatically, turning to look at the owner of the hand. Asdfahdldf
that’s not fair. A girl in a wheelchair with short brown hair, curiously blue eyes, staring up at him
in apology and wonder? How was he going to win against that? No, he had already lost. He
stepped back to give her space. “Go ahead.”

“Oh, um… thank you,” she said with a curious accent, but didn’t take the meat. “Are you sure?
I can just get another one.”

“I’m sure. You probably need it more than I do.”

“Thank you!” she smiled, causing Kevin’s heart to spasm. So, this is what they call death by
cuteness? As she picked up the package, the older man grabbed a different package. The beef
wasn’t as good as the first one, but it was fine. With a smile, he nodded goodbye and continued
the rest of his shopping. A cute encounter, but it was just a small moment of niceness to the
upcoming horror of checkout. Everyone wanted to get in the shortest line, and no one wanted to
wait. With a sigh, Kevin just stepped into a line and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And hey, it’s that wheelchair girl again. She was further back in line, but she was being
smothered by all the people that were pushing and shoving to get into line. When her head was
knocked by a bagged bottle of juice, Kevin found himself slipping out of line and making his way
through the crowd all the way to the wheelchair. He pushed the closest offender, a middle-aged
woman that looked ready to fight back, away enough to give the wheelchair girl some breathing
space.

“Hey. Back off,” he growled in English, giving the woman a look that cowed her well enough to
step back. Suddenly, Kevin found himself with a lot more personal space, as the crowd moved
to keep away from the scary foreigner. The line seemed to be moving a little quicker, too.

There was a term for this, coined by another foreigner… what was it? Oh yeah: gaijin smash.

Just in case, he stuck by the girl, pushing her along. A little while later, they finally managed to
escape that nightmare.

“Whew. Wow, thank you for that, mister,” the child looked up at him. “I picked a bad time to
go shopping.”

“It’s nothing. You are going to be okay?”

“Yep! I’ll be fine. I just wish it wasn’t always so rowdy in there.”

Looking back at the store, he grumbled, “This is why I get groceries shipped to my shop.”

“Oh? You have a store?” the girl managed to hear.

“Store, no,” Kevin shook his head, “I’m a cook a restaurant in the suburbs. It’s called the
Midoriya.”

“Really?! Wow! I’m talking to a real deal chef!” there were stars in her eyes.

“Err, no, I’m just a cook. I’m not good enough to be called a chef.”

“Woooow, a chef. This could be a good thing!” the girl didn’t seem to hear him. “I wonder if…”

The look she gave him was borderline predatory. Scary.

“Ne, are you free today?”

“Err, sort of. Why?”

“Could you come over to my place and show

“I… do you really want me to?” Kevin raised an eyebrow. “I could just be a suspicious guy
trying to get you.”

“Oh no, if that were the case, you would have done something terrible by now, and you would
have been annihilated within the hour,” she waved it off. “Besides, I get the feeling you’re a
trustworthy man. I’m Hayate, by the way. Yagami Hayate.”

“Nice to meet you. Just call me Kevin.” Wait, what was that about being annihilated?

“Kei Bin?” she tilted her head.

“Close enough.”

Her fingers pressed together daintily as she cranked the cuteness to eleven, “So, could you
come? Please?”

Certainly an unusual request, but a girl in a wheelchair was difficult to refuse. It was like a Girl
Scout in crutches or a big cast asking if you wanted to buy cookies – you could not say no. And
today he had the morning off, unneeded until dinner time. The cautious side of him told Kevin to
refuse, but even that side was quickly squashed by the twinge in his chest. Arrgh. The cuteness
was overwhelming aadsfasdfjalkdhgalkfhadfah—

Suddenly, he was pushing the girl’s wheelchair as they walked back to her home, idle chatter
about favorite dishes and Kevin’s past travels passing between the two. The groceries were
comfortably hanging off the handles and in Hayate’s lap, though he wasn’t exactly sure when and
how this all happened. The two eventually reached the girl’s home, barely a short walk away.

Even from some ten feet away, Kevin felt like someone was watching him, wary and suspicious.
Well, it was probably his nerves of going into a stranger’s house. Barely did they get through the
threshold did a new challenger appeared.

“Hayaaatteee~!” a young girl with braided red hair appeared suddenly, almost flying as she came
to hug Hayate. “Where did you go?! The market? Why didn’t you bring one of us? I was
worried!”

“Maa, maa, I’m sorry, Vita-chan! I just realized we were missing some stuff for dinner, so I just
hopped out to grab it,” Hayate soothed the girl with liberal head pats and hair petting, hugging
the child back.

“Who’s he?” Vita, apparently, suddenly turned and glared at him with enough heat to melt
through him.

“A friend, don’t worry. I brought him to help Shamal with lunch.”

Vita snorted, “Pff. Good luck with that.”

Suddenly, there was something poking him from behind.

“Who are you?” the voice was low and feminine.

Hayate turned around as best she could sitting, “Signum! No threatening our guest!”

“I just want to know who he is.”

Kevin, for his part, took a step forward, away from the pointy thing, and turned around, “My
apologies. My name is Kevin, and I’m a local cook. At Hayate’s request, I came here to help
her with lunch, and possibly about teaching someone.”

The person, a lady with magenta hair and a bokken in hand, seemed to relax after a moment,
though her eyes remained wary, “I see. Forgive me, I am only worried about her.”

With no other words, she tucked away the sword and brushed passed the two, disappearing
somewhere into the house. Despite her departure, Kevin could still feel eyes on him. This entire
house wanted to kill him.

Hayate frowned momentarily, but quickly brightened up, “You’ll have to excuse her. She’s very
shy and wary of strangers, and she can be a little troublesome when meeting new people.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being a little overprotective,” Kevin waved it off. “You’re an
adorable girl and difficult to resist.”

“Ara. Could it be you’re hitting on me? Am I mature enough to catch your eyes?” The Kansai
girl coquettishly placed a finger on her lip, looking demure yet playful. Were he a decade
younger, it may have worked, but right now he just shook his head.

“Don’t push your luck, kiddo. Let’s see your kitchen.”

“Awww,” Hayate pouted, but smiled anyways, “Right this way~”

The two, no wait, three (including Vita) wheeled right by the largest blue-furred dog he had ever
seen. Nevermind that it seemed more wolf than dog, it was freakin’ blue. Rather than pursue the
strange topic, however, Kevin just nodded at the dog—wait did it just nod back? …Perhaps it
was time to request a little time off.

Ahh, the kitchen. It was modest, but sizable for a Japanese home. Already there was a young
blonde woman, fretting over a carrot on the cutting board. Lifting up her blade, she prepared to
bring down a large meat cleaver onto the poor root.

“You must really hate that carrot put so much effort into it,” Kevin commented. “Are you
murdering it or just cutting it?”

“Eh?” she turned to look, knife still in hand.

Hayate wheeled in, handing the groceries to Vita, “Shamal~! This is Kevin, a professional
culinary specialist and someone I asked to come in to help us! Vita, could you put away the
food?”

“I’m guessing this is the person you want me to help?” Kevin looked to the wheelchair-bound
girl, then back at Shamal. She still hadn’t put the knife down.

“If you would kindly?”

“I’ll see what I can do,” he approached the lady. “Shamal, right? My name is Kevin. As Hayate
said, I will be helping you. Could you put that knife down?

“Um… sure?” Shamal carefully placed the blade down, much to Kevin’s mental relief.

“The cleaver is a universal knife, and it’s popular with Chinese cooking. For you, however, I
would suggest a Western chef’s knife,” Kevin explained, glancing at the knife block nearby.
How convenient. The cook drew one of the knives, a moderately sized tool with a tapered blade.

“It’s a good knife. Balanced, light, but sturdy,” he held it normally, grip in hand. Suddenly, he
twirled it around his finger, like that of a gunslinger with his pistol. Shamal stared at the spinning
blade, half in worry that it’ll fall or cut the cook, and half in wonder. She blinked when Kevin
grabbed the grip again, “Sorry. Bad habit of mine.”

“That was amazing! You can use a knife like Signum can with a sword!”

“I figured she was good with one of those,” the earlier incident flashed in his memory.

“Erm, well, she is an experienced kendo instructor, and she teaches at a local dojo,” Shamal
spoke rather quickly.

“Ahh. I see. Well, she’s got a workable skill. I’m only decent with a kitchen knife,” Kevin
shrugged and slid the knife back into the stand. “Anyways, we won’t need this today. The first
lesson is temperature control, time and the magic of boiling water. I hope we don’t have to go
over how to boil water.”

“Hey now! I know how to boil water! I make tea all the time!”

“Oh good, then you understand that green tea must be served at specific temperatures?”

“Eh… r-really?”

“Of course. Now, here we have a batch of Gyokuro green tea,” Kevin picked up a small can
from the shelf. “Great selection, by the way, Hayate. You got excellent taste.”

Hayate beamed at the praise.

“Gyokuro is a delicate, subtle tea whose flavor is destroyed by too much heat. As such, a
relatively low temperature, like fifty to sixty degrees Celsius, is ideal.

“For something like genmaicha, something higher like eighty, eighty-five degrees is best,” Kevin
picked up another can of tea, showing it to the blonde. “Then you’ve got something called
steeping time. Genmaicha should be steeped for three to five minutes, while Gyokuro gets a
little over one minute.”

A third can, the largest of the bunch, was placed next to the others, “Sencha is probably the
most popular, and the one you folks drink the most. Eighty degrees, like genmaicha, but it gets
steeped for one minute. You following me?”

Probably not, as it was a lot of information. Kevin was pretty sure Shamal’s eyes were swirling
about now.

“I… I think I do?”

“You certainly know a lot about tea!” Hayate spoke up. “Have you done a tea ceremony at all?
I bet you’ve been through a lot of them to know this.”

Kevin shrugged, “Cha no yu? Ehh… I find Japanese tea ceremonies to be a little stuffy. I can
appreciate the culture behind it, but I’m not one to sit through one, let alone host. I learned from
drinkers, not makers. Old folks, especially, since they tend to be a little more stringent about
how their drinks are made.”

“So, all this time, I was burning the tea?” Shamal stared at the cans of tea.

“Well…” Hayate murmured.

Kevin just asked right out, “Did you bring the water to a rolling boil then pour it right in?”

“Yes…?”

“Yeah. You burnt the tea.”

“I didn’t realize something as making tea was so… complex!”

“You’ll pick up on it soon enough. You might even be able to predict temperatures based on
time alone.”

“Really?”

“Sure. But first, we need to cook. Our first objective will be making hard-boiled eggs.”

“I’ll get some distance…” Hayate started to wheel off.

“Don’t die, now,” Vita followed.

“Hey! I’m not that bad! Hayateee~! Vitaaa~!” Shamal whined, only to be tapped on the
forehead by her teacher.

“Focus. You stop paying attention and you might hurt yourself or make a mess. Now then;
water, heating element, pot, egg. Not much to it but timing and temperature. Ready?”

“Okay…”

Thirty minutes later…

The chaos that occurred between then and now cannot be adequately described in textual form.
No, it would be more accurate to say that there are no ways to succinctly describe the
pandemonium, and to fully illustrate it all would be to subject you to long, verbose, and almost
purple-prose-like descriptions of it all. Plus, there are just not enough words to write it all out
without repeated repeats. Instead, let us merely look to Kevin’s response as he witnessed the
end of a clean kitchen.

“Wow. This is just a massacre.” Kevin said dryly, staring at the messy (an understatement)
kitchen. His earlier optimism was ruined, as was the ceiling. Yolk, cooked and runny alike,
splattered the counter and walls like bloodstains, while bits of egg white and shell clung to the
walls and ceiling like bone fragments and visceral bits. How does one make an egg explode like
that from boiling?

“It’s not my faaaaullt!” Shamal sobbed, her apron covered in gunk and her blonde hair even
more yellow from yolk.

How? How did this all happen? Was it Shamal? The ingredients? The tools? It couldn’t have
been him – he had done nothing at all. But then, that could be the problem… It had all happened
so quickly each time; the water heated up; the water boiled; something happened here—oh god
the eggs were everywhere. Each time, the attempt ended in catastrophe. What in the world was
going on? Kevin’s thoughts, however, were interrupted when a girl with short brown hair peeked
around the corner.

“Is lunch ready yet?” Hayate asked, eyes wide and glazed over with hunger. The puppy-eyed
look she had tugged at his heartstrings.

“It’s… hmm…” the cook glanced over the mess they had made. At the rate Shamal was
learning and the amount of time needed to produce something delicious, nutritious, and overall
not-looking-like-zombie-food…

Estimated time to completion: never.

Perhaps it was time to call it quits for now.

“I’ll take over for now. Shamal, please clean.”

Hayate brightened considerably at that, “What are you making?”

“Sandwiches.”

Bread, lettuce, what good egg he could scavenge, celery, mayonnaise, lemon juice, salt, pepper,
and a bit of mustard made for a quick but scrumptious egg salad sandwich that was accompanied
by a side of chips. Before he could serve the sandwiches, however, he was intercepted by a
strange stare from both Hayate and that Vita girl.

Kevin followed their gaze to the sandwiches, particularly a certain part of the bread, “…You
don’t like crust?”

They didn’t outright say so, but their change in attention was enough.

Vita tensed as she watched that silver blade move, her blue eyes tracking it as if it were a deadly
snake. Hayate may like this guy, and the others may have accepted him, but that didn’t mean she
had to as well. Not to mention, this guy had a scary good skill with the knife.

Four five quick cuts, and the sandwich was bisected and the crust trimmed. Everyone was given
their plate (even the dog…wolf… whatever it is, got a plate), and how lucky for Shamal to be
excused from cleaning to eat.

One bite, and Hayate was staring at Kevin with misty, starry eyes, “Marry me?”

The cook chuckled, shaking his head, “You’re ten years too early, kiddo.”

“Then marry Signum!”

The swordswoman and Kevin exchanged glances, “Could be nice, but no.”

“Shamal?”

“Don’t push it.”

---

Recipe File – Egg Salad Sandwich
[Serves two]

4 hard-boiled eggs (recipe to follow)
1-2 tbsp mayonnaise
2-3 tsp Dijon mustard (optional)
1 tsp lemon juice
1 stalk celery
1 tsp chives
4 slices bread
lettuce
Salt and pepper

A perfectly hard-boiled egg makes for a perfect egg salad. As such, you’ll want to avoid
overcooked eggs (they’ll have that grey-green layer in the yolk) and undercooked eggs. To
make the perfectly hard-boiled egg, place your eggs in a pot and cover with cold water, until
they are submerged by about an inch (2.5cm). Be aware, a very fresh egg is harder to peel than
an older egg.

Heat this pot over high until the water just begins to boil. At that moment, cover and take the pot
off the heat. Do not touch the pot for 15-17 minutes.

In the meantime, prepare a bowl with some iced water. Once the 15-17 minutes are up, transfer
the eggs over to the ice water and let cool. You may then peel and set aside the eggs.

Now then, for the main dish.

Taking your eggs, chop them coarsely and toss them into a bowl. If this is too bothersome, just
cut them in half and toss them whole into the bowl – you can just mash the eggs up.

Chop the celery coarsely as well, and toss into the bowl along with the mayonnaise, mustard,
salt, pepper, lemon juice, and chives.

Mash and mix the stuff together.

Assemble sandwich with the bread and lettuce, and enjoy.

Tempest Note: Want more? Add bacon, chopped pickles, lobster, ham, etc.

I am somewhat embarrassed that I never knew that about tea. On the other hand, given how much sugar I use in my tea, it probably doesn't matter a lot in the long run.

(I need to remember that, though, since Japanese green tea is the only kind I take without sugar...)

Insufficient Zaffy; otherwise a wonderful fic.

[shiroi mahotsukai]

Originally Posted by Tempy

Speaking of love:

Food For Thought

Previous chapter(s):

First Course

• Chapter 1
• Chapter 2
• Chapter 3
• Chapter 4

Second Course

• Chapter 5

Chapter 6:

Spoiler for Egg on your face:

There were four places that Kevin found himself visiting frequently: the supermarket, the park, a
certain street within the urban areas, and his own workplace. Today, he was at the market,
grabbing ingredients uncommon to a Japanese kitchen, but necessary in his trade. At the same
time, he would battle the mothers, the wives, and the financially aware for rights to certain sales.
While his foreign appearance and larger size gave him somewhat of an advantage, the lust for
sales goods often overrode the Japanese urge to shrink away. For this very reason, he found a
cane shoved into his neck as an older lady was pushed aside by a chatty gaggle of middle-aged
women, just as a cart rammed into his legs and threatened to knock him off balance. Alas, the
poor store employee, she was quickly being overwhelmed by the sale-hungry group.

Fortunately, the sale seemed to be about sausages and eggs, and not the protein Kevin sought
today. Pork and chicken were fine for the most part, but today, he was hankering for some beef.
As he reached out for a particularly nice cut of cow, his hand collided with a smaller, younger
one.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said automatically, turning to look at the owner of the hand. Asdfahdldf
that’s not fair. A girl in a wheelchair with short brown hair, curiously blue eyes, staring up at him
in apology and wonder? How was he going to win against that? No, he had already lost. He
stepped back to give her space. “Go ahead.”

“Oh, um… thank you,” she said with a curious accent, but didn’t take the meat. “Are you sure?
I can just get another one.”

“I’m sure. You probably need it more than I do.”

“Thank you!” she smiled, causing Kevin’s heart to spasm. So, this is what they call death by
cuteness? As she picked up the package, the older man grabbed a different package. The beef
wasn’t as good as the first one, but it was fine. With a smile, he nodded goodbye and continued
the rest of his shopping. A cute encounter, but it was just a small moment of niceness to the
upcoming horror of checkout. Everyone wanted to get in the shortest line, and no one wanted to
wait. With a sigh, Kevin just stepped into a line and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And hey, it’s that wheelchair girl again. She was further back in line, but she was being
smothered by all the people that were pushing and shoving to get into line. When her head was
knocked by a bagged bottle of juice, Kevin found himself slipping out of line and making his way
through the crowd all the way to the wheelchair. He pushed the closest offender, a middle-aged
woman that looked ready to fight back, away enough to give the wheelchair girl some breathing
space.

“Hey. Back off,” he growled in English, giving the woman a look that cowed her well enough to
step back. Suddenly, Kevin found himself with a lot more personal space, as the crowd moved
to keep away from the scary foreigner. The line seemed to be moving a little quicker, too.

There was a term for this, coined by another foreigner… what was it? Oh yeah: gaijin smash.

Just in case, he stuck by the girl, pushing her along. A little while later, they finally managed to
escape that nightmare.

“Whew. Wow, thank you for that, mister,” the child looked up at him. “I picked a bad time to
go shopping.”

“It’s nothing. You are going to be okay?”

“Yep! I’ll be fine. I just wish it wasn’t always so rowdy in there.”

Looking back at the store, he grumbled, “This is why I get groceries shipped to my shop.”

“Oh? You have a store?” the girl managed to hear.

“Store, no,” Kevin shook his head, “I’m a cook a restaurant in the suburbs. It’s called the
Midoriya.”

“Really?! Wow! I’m talking to a real deal chef!” there were stars in her eyes.

“Err, no, I’m just a cook. I’m not good enough to be called a chef.”

“Woooow, a chef. This could be a good thing!” the girl didn’t seem to hear him. “I wonder if…”

The look she gave him was borderline predatory. Scary.

“Ne, are you free today?”

“Err, sort of. Why?”

“Could you come over to my place and show

“I… do you really want me to?” Kevin raised an eyebrow. “I could just be a suspicious guy
trying to get you.”

“Oh no, if that were the case, you would have done something terrible by now, and you would
have been annihilated within the hour,” she waved it off. “Besides, I get the feeling you’re a
trustworthy man. I’m Hayate, by the way. Yagami Hayate.”

“Nice to meet you. Just call me Kevin.” Wait, what was that about being annihilated?

“Kei Bin?” she tilted her head.

“Close enough.”

Her fingers pressed together daintily as she cranked the cuteness to eleven, “So, could you
come? Please?”

Certainly an unusual request, but a girl in a wheelchair was difficult to refuse. It was like a Girl
Scout in crutches or a big cast asking if you wanted to buy cookies – you could not say no. And
today he had the morning off, unneeded until dinner time. The cautious side of him told Kevin to
refuse, but even that side was quickly squashed by the twinge in his chest. Arrgh. The cuteness
was overwhelming aadsfasdfjalkdhgalkfhadfah—

Suddenly, he was pushing the girl’s wheelchair as they walked back to her home, idle chatter
about favorite dishes and Kevin’s past travels passing between the two. The groceries were
comfortably hanging off the handles and in Hayate’s lap, though he wasn’t exactly sure when and
how this all happened. The two eventually reached the girl’s home, barely a short walk away.

Even from some ten feet away, Kevin felt like someone was watching him, wary and suspicious.
Well, it was probably his nerves of going into a stranger’s house. Barely did they get through the
threshold did a new challenger appeared.

“Hayaaatteee~!” a young girl with braided red hair appeared suddenly, almost flying as she came
to hug Hayate. “Where did you go?! The market? Why didn’t you bring one of us? I was
worried!”

“Maa, maa, I’m sorry, Vita-chan! I just realized we were missing some stuff for dinner, so I just
hopped out to grab it,” Hayate soothed the girl with liberal head pats and hair petting, hugging
the child back.

“Who’s he?” Vita, apparently, suddenly turned and glared at him with enough heat to melt
through him.

“A friend, don’t worry. I brought him to help Shamal with lunch.”

Vita snorted, “Pff. Good luck with that.”

Suddenly, there was something poking him from behind.

“Who are you?” the voice was low and feminine.

Hayate turned around as best she could sitting, “Signum! No threatening our guest!”

“I just want to know who he is.”

Kevin, for his part, took a step forward, away from the pointy thing, and turned around, “My
apologies. My name is Kevin, and I’m a local cook. At Hayate’s request, I came here to help
her with lunch, and possibly about teaching someone.”

The person, a lady with magenta hair and a bokken in hand, seemed to relax after a moment,
though her eyes remained wary, “I see. Forgive me, I am only worried about her.”

With no other words, she tucked away the sword and brushed passed the two, disappearing
somewhere into the house. Despite her departure, Kevin could still feel eyes on him. This entire
house wanted to kill him.

Hayate frowned momentarily, but quickly brightened up, “You’ll have to excuse her. She’s very
shy and wary of strangers, and she can be a little troublesome when meeting new people.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being a little overprotective,” Kevin waved it off. “You’re an
adorable girl and difficult to resist.”

“Ara. Could it be you’re hitting on me? Am I mature enough to catch your eyes?” The Kansai
girl coquettishly placed a finger on her lip, looking demure yet playful. Were he a decade
younger, it may have worked, but right now he just shook his head.

“Don’t push your luck, kiddo. Let’s see your kitchen.”

“Awww,” Hayate pouted, but smiled anyways, “Right this way~”

The two, no wait, three (including Vita) wheeled right by the largest blue-furred dog he had ever
seen. Nevermind that it seemed more wolf than dog, it was freakin’ blue. Rather than pursue the
strange topic, however, Kevin just nodded at the dog—wait did it just nod back? …Perhaps it
was time to request a little time off.

Ahh, the kitchen. It was modest, but sizable for a Japanese home. Already there was a young
blonde woman, fretting over a carrot on the cutting board. Lifting up her blade, she prepared to
bring down a large meat cleaver onto the poor root.

“You must really hate that carrot put so much effort into it,” Kevin commented. “Are you
murdering it or just cutting it?”

“Eh?” she turned to look, knife still in hand.

Hayate wheeled in, handing the groceries to Vita, “Shamal~! This is Kevin, a professional
culinary specialist and someone I asked to come in to help us! Vita, could you put away the
food?”

“I’m guessing this is the person you want me to help?” Kevin looked to the wheelchair-bound
girl, then back at Shamal. She still hadn’t put the knife down.

“If you would kindly?”

“I’ll see what I can do,” he approached the lady. “Shamal, right? My name is Kevin. As Hayate
said, I will be helping you. Could you put that knife down?

“Um… sure?” Shamal carefully placed the blade down, much to Kevin’s mental relief.

“The cleaver is a universal knife, and it’s popular with Chinese cooking. For you, however, I
would suggest a Western chef’s knife,” Kevin explained, glancing at the knife block nearby.
How convenient. The cook drew one of the knives, a moderately sized tool with a tapered blade.

“It’s a good knife. Balanced, light, but sturdy,” he held it normally, grip in hand. Suddenly, he
twirled it around his finger, like that of a gunslinger with his pistol. Shamal stared at the spinning
blade, half in worry that it’ll fall or cut the cook, and half in wonder. She blinked when Kevin
grabbed the grip again, “Sorry. Bad habit of mine.”

“That was amazing! You can use a knife like Signum can with a sword!”

“I figured she was good with one of those,” the earlier incident flashed in his memory.

“Erm, well, she is an experienced kendo instructor, and she teaches at a local dojo,” Shamal
spoke rather quickly.

“Ahh. I see. Well, she’s got a workable skill. I’m only decent with a kitchen knife,” Kevin
shrugged and slid the knife back into the stand. “Anyways, we won’t need this today. The first
lesson is temperature control, time and the magic of boiling water. I hope we don’t have to go
over how to boil water.”

“Hey now! I know how to boil water! I make tea all the time!”

“Oh good, then you understand that green tea must be served at specific temperatures?”

“Eh… r-really?”

“Of course. Now, here we have a batch of Gyokuro green tea,” Kevin picked up a small can
from the shelf. “Great selection, by the way, Hayate. You got excellent taste.”

Hayate beamed at the praise.

“Gyokuro is a delicate, subtle tea whose flavor is destroyed by too much heat. As such, a
relatively low temperature, like fifty to sixty degrees Celsius, is ideal.

“For something like genmaicha, something higher like eighty, eighty-five degrees is best,” Kevin
picked up another can of tea, showing it to the blonde. “Then you’ve got something called
steeping time. Genmaicha should be steeped for three to five minutes, while Gyokuro gets a
little over one minute.”

A third can, the largest of the bunch, was placed next to the others, “Sencha is probably the
most popular, and the one you folks drink the most. Eighty degrees, like genmaicha, but it gets
steeped for one minute. You following me?”

Probably not, as it was a lot of information. Kevin was pretty sure Shamal’s eyes were swirling
about now.

“I… I think I do?”

“You certainly know a lot about tea!” Hayate spoke up. “Have you done a tea ceremony at all?
I bet you’ve been through a lot of them to know this.”

Kevin shrugged, “Cha no yu? Ehh… I find Japanese tea ceremonies to be a little stuffy. I can
appreciate the culture behind it, but I’m not one to sit through one, let alone host. I learned from
drinkers, not makers. Old folks, especially, since they tend to be a little more stringent about
how their drinks are made.”

“So, all this time, I was burning the tea?” Shamal stared at the cans of tea.

“Well…” Hayate murmured.

Kevin just asked right out, “Did you bring the water to a rolling boil then pour it right in?”

“Yes…?”

“Yeah. You burnt the tea.”

“I didn’t realize something as making tea was so… complex!”

“You’ll pick up on it soon enough. You might even be able to predict temperatures based on
time alone.”

“Really?”

“Sure. But first, we need to cook. Our first objective will be making hard-boiled eggs.”

“I’ll get some distance…” Hayate started to wheel off.

“Don’t die, now,” Vita followed.

“Hey! I’m not that bad! Hayateee~! Vitaaa~!” Shamal whined, only to be tapped on the
forehead by her teacher.

“Focus. You stop paying attention and you might hurt yourself or make a mess. Now then;
water, heating element, pot, egg. Not much to it but timing and temperature. Ready?”

“Okay…”

Thirty minutes later…

The chaos that occurred between then and now cannot be adequately described in textual form.
No, it would be more accurate to say that there are no ways to succinctly describe the
pandemonium, and to fully illustrate it all would be to subject you to long, verbose, and almost
purple-prose-like descriptions of it all. Plus, there are just not enough words to write it all out
without repeated repeats. Instead, let us merely look to Kevin’s response as he witnessed the
end of a clean kitchen.

“Wow. This is just a massacre.” Kevin said dryly, staring at the messy (an understatement)
kitchen. His earlier optimism was ruined, as was the ceiling. Yolk, cooked and runny alike,
splattered the counter and walls like bloodstains, while bits of egg white and shell clung to the
walls and ceiling like bone fragments and visceral bits. How does one make an egg explode like
that from boiling?

“It’s not my faaaaullt!” Shamal sobbed, her apron covered in gunk and her blonde hair even
more yellow from yolk.

How? How did this all happen? Was it Shamal? The ingredients? The tools? It couldn’t have
been him – he had done nothing at all. But then, that could be the problem… It had all happened
so quickly each time; the water heated up; the water boiled; something happened here—oh god
the eggs were everywhere. Each time, the attempt ended in catastrophe. What in the world was
going on? Kevin’s thoughts, however, were interrupted when a girl with short brown hair peeked
around the corner.

“Is lunch ready yet?” Hayate asked, eyes wide and glazed over with hunger. The puppy-eyed
look she had tugged at his heartstrings.

“It’s… hmm…” the cook glanced over the mess they had made. At the rate Shamal was
learning and the amount of time needed to produce something delicious, nutritious, and overall
not-looking-like-zombie-food…

Estimated time to completion: never.

Perhaps it was time to call it quits for now.

“I’ll take over for now. Shamal, please clean.”

Hayate brightened considerably at that, “What are you making?”

“Sandwiches.”

Bread, lettuce, what good egg he could scavenge, celery, mayonnaise, lemon juice, salt, pepper,
and a bit of mustard made for a quick but scrumptious egg salad sandwich that was accompanied
by a side of chips. Before he could serve the sandwiches, however, he was intercepted by a
strange stare from both Hayate and that Vita girl.

Kevin followed their gaze to the sandwiches, particularly a certain part of the bread, “…You
don’t like crust?”

They didn’t outright say so, but their change in attention was enough.

Vita tensed as she watched that silver blade move, her blue eyes tracking it as if it were a deadly
snake. Hayate may like this guy, and the others may have accepted him, but that didn’t mean she
had to as well. Not to mention, this guy had a scary good skill with the knife.

Four five quick cuts, and the sandwich was bisected and the crust trimmed. Everyone was given
their plate (even the dog…wolf… whatever it is, got a plate), and how lucky for Shamal to be
excused from cleaning to eat.

One bite, and Hayate was staring at Kevin with misty, starry eyes, “Marry me?”

The cook chuckled, shaking his head, “You’re ten years too early, kiddo.”

“Then marry Signum!”

The swordswoman and Kevin exchanged glances, “Could be nice, but no.”

“Shamal?”

“Don’t push it.”

---

Recipe File – Egg Salad Sandwich
[Serves two]

4 hard-boiled eggs (recipe to follow)
1-2 tbsp mayonnaise
2-3 tsp Dijon mustard (optional)
1 tsp lemon juice
1 stalk celery
1 tsp chives
4 slices bread
lettuce
Salt and pepper

A perfectly hard-boiled egg makes for a perfect egg salad. As such, you’ll want to avoid
overcooked eggs (they’ll have that grey-green layer in the yolk) and undercooked eggs. To
make the perfectly hard-boiled egg, place your eggs in a pot and cover with cold water, until
they are submerged by about an inch (2.5cm). Be aware, a very fresh egg is harder to peel than
an older egg.

Heat this pot over high until the water just begins to boil. At that moment, cover and take the pot
off the heat. Do not touch the pot for 15-17 minutes.

In the meantime, prepare a bowl with some iced water. Once the 15-17 minutes are up, transfer
the eggs over to the ice water and let cool. You may then peel and set aside the eggs.

Now then, for the main dish.

Taking your eggs, chop them coarsely and toss them into a bowl. If this is too bothersome, just
cut them in half and toss them whole into the bowl – you can just mash the eggs up.

Chop the celery coarsely as well, and toss into the bowl along with the mayonnaise, mustard,
salt, pepper, lemon juice, and chives.

Mash and mix the stuff together.

Assemble sandwich with the bread and lettuce, and enjoy.

Tempest Note: Want more? Add bacon, chopped pickles, lobster, ham, etc.

I cannot believe I have just discovered these snippets. I adore my cooking and now have something new to try. On top of that the writing is nice to, it's really good to see some one who isn't in the know to be that compassionate and understanding or give that kind of sound advice.

Plus this was absolutely hilarious.

[Rising Dragon]

I'd just like to point out one incomplete line I caught in the story:

Spoiler for Error:

“Err, sort of. Why?”

“Could you come over to my place and show

“I… do you really want me to?” Kevin raised an eyebrow. “I could just be a suspicious guy
trying to get you.”

[Tempy]

Originally Posted by Rising Dragon

I'd just like to point out one incomplete line I caught in the story:

The medication that stops the voices also stops the writing. The whispers have begun again, so I will now fix it.

[RadiantBeam]

Gah, so much to catch up on when I have an exam tomorrow.

[deathcurse]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Relatively canon. I know my reputation around here, and the occasional mention of a Bad End for Shadowverse, but in all honesty I'm far too attached to it to end it badly. It'll probably be hell getting there, but Lutecia and Vivio will definitely get a happy ending.

LOL, that's the difference between you and I --you love your world so much you wouldn't kill everyone off, but for me, it's because I love the worlds I make that I'd be willing to do it!

Ah, so this be canon! Neat to see how those two would have to work around each other's jobs and the problems it may raise .

Originally Posted by Shigan

How nice! I love when girls pledge that they will love me forever and ever, for whatever reasons there may be. *beaming smirk of everything rawr* =D

LOL . How lucky you are .

Originally Posted by Shigan

Indecent blackmailing apart: RB, deathcurse and MaxwellDemon, thank you for reading =). It was a very pleasant story to write, and trust me when I tell you that reading drunk Fate can only be topped by actually writing it. I don't think I've ever snickered so much while typing before =D. I don't -think- I actually added anything new to the family story concept, just a truckload of my interpretations of how the NanoFate dynamics would evolve with years and life and a little Hayate-induced stupor. I love writing drama/romance without actually having to -write- it, so to speak.

The theme of flying however, is all mine mine mine mine mine ^_^.

Cheers

Well, I'll probably elaborate more in my longer review, but as mentioned, it's the little things you do that not only make the story comedic but also touching and different. Drunk Hayate and Fate are hilarious beyond measure XD.

And you definitely did a good job of writing it without making it the focus! That may be why it was such an effective story for me--the story wasn't a pure comedy, nor was it pure romance, nor pure drama....the mix of genres appeals to me very much .

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Though actually, speaking of Shadowverse, I've been debating lately if maybe I should write up and post the inevitable "Vivio turns 18!" fic first, since other than a few small things, the main plot of the story isn't connected to the main Shadow plot. I feel bad leaving it for last when really, it could probably just as well stand on its own like my earlier one-shots did.

Up to you, in my opinion . I have to admit, it's sad to no longer have the hilarious and infamous UST between those two , but the end result will probably be amazing anyway . (But man, I hope you don't finish it before I finish my ViCia fic that I had told you about! Despite not being Shadowverse-connected, the fandom humour would be greatly lessened . Er, which means I should get a move on in the writing, eh?

Hm, I'd disagree on it not being connected to the main Shadow plot. Because isn't part of the conflict in their relationship the whole "keeping secrets" and "getting to know each other" theme that is in the main plot? =O On some level that's got to affect their romantic relationship somehow, I think...

Originally Posted by Shigan

When the muse strikes she strikes. Hard. And efficiently.

Here's the first expansion to When I think About Flying, using the same timeline and events. Flying was all about Fate. Here comes Vivio. And Lutecia. And probably a few dashes of everyone else. This -can- be read as a one shot, though I recommend you make a dash through Flying before reading Trials.

This should please the few VivioxLutecia fans I remember from Flying.

The Many Trials of Vivio Takamachi-Harlaown
A Nanoha Story
Written by Shigan

Summary: Vivio's larger-than-life expectations of love backfires along with a mission, suddenly throwing Lutecia Alphine into her unsuspecting path.

The Many Trials of Vivio Takamachi-Harlaown

-.-.-.-

Enjoy!

Enjoyed, and reviewed!

[Moczo]

All right, I haven't contributed a one-shot in awhile, let's see how this goes.

I guess you could... sorta... call this my contribution to our own Beamspam's Shadowverse. My own unique take on the 'Vivio Turns Eighteen' story that she is planning. My personal vision.

It may possibly be non-canon.

Maybe.

Kinda.

Sorta.

Definitely.

Spoiler for Crime and Punishment:

The only sounds for a long time had been gentle moans and soft gasps, the rustling of sheets, and the movement of flesh against flesh. Finally, though, one of the two women spoke.

“Happy eighteenth birthday, Vivio.” Lutecia Alphine said, happier than she had been in perhaps her entire life. All of her pain at the loss of her childhood, all of her guilt as a member of the Shadows, the TSAB’s secretive black operations division… all of that seemed just a bad dream as she stared into Vivio’s beautiful eyes.

“I love you, Cia.” Vivio Takamachi said. At this point in time, afterglow flooding her mind and exhaustion bringing an unbidden heaviness to her eyes, it was likely the only thing she could have said.

The two women lay intertwined among the tangled sheets of Lutecia’s small bed, sweat glistening on their exposed forms. Lutecia’s violet hair interwined freely with Vivio’s blonde locks, much as the new lovers themselves were intertwined. Both of them, they knew, were smiling like idiots, but at the moment caring was simply beyond them.

Finally, after years of waiting, it was Vivio’s coming of age; her eighteenth birthday and entry into legal adulthood… allowing the young woman and her longtime girlfriend to finally, finally consummate their relationship.

Finally, they belonged to each other in body in as they always had in soul.

Goofy smiles were to be expected in a moment so utterly perfect as this one.

“Vivio…” Lutecia whispered, brushing a few damp hairs off of Vivio’s brow. “I never thought I was allowed to be this happy.”

“Cia…” Vivio said, her smile only growing more brilliant. “I plan to make sure you-”

“FREEZE!”

“… eh?” Lutecia asked. That was not the romantic gesture she’d been expecting to hear, quite frankly.

“I didn’t say th-“ Vivio began, shortly before the door exploded inwards and a dozen men in body armor rushed into the room.

“What the Hell?!” Lutecia screamed, both women leaping for her discarded Devices, fully intending to fight back, only for the men to raise Devices of their own and wrap the two girls in chains of azure light.

“Lutecia Alphine?” Said the final man to enter the room, an older but still distinguished looking gentleman in a suit of middling quality.

Lutecia struggle futilely at the binding spell. Dammit… I should have known that no moment that good could last… She thought bitterly. Out loud, she said, “So, let me guess… I collapsed your operations, and you’re here to take it out of my hide? Forgive me if I don’t recognize you, all you scum look alike to me.”

The man smiled softly and shook his head. “A reasonable assumption… as an NSIS agent, you’ve certainly been responsible for any number of criminal organizations crumbling. But I’m afraid that you’re off.” He reached in his coat pocket and pulled out a badge marking him as a TSAB investigator himself. “Detective Ignatio Laine; CSI. I’m not some scum here for revenge on NSIS, I’m here to make sure the crimes that you have committed aren’t allowed to stay…” At this moment, for no discernable reason, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of sunglasses, which he donned. “…in the Shadows.”

“… … … … huh?” Lutecia said.

“CSI. Clone Sex Investigations.” Laine said.

“... ... ... ... huh?” Lutecia said again.

“You must have suspected… you had sexual relations with that young woman, didn’t you?” Laine asked, pointing at Vivio. “Disregarding the fact that she is a twelve-year-old girl?”

“She’s eighteen! Believe me, I checked. I had a countdown of the days running for the last year!” Lutecia said fervently.

“No, she isn’t. She is a clone, artificially aged to the physical body of a six-year old at the time of her creation.” Laine said. “Physically she is eighteen, but chronologically? She's only twelve years old. Protecting innocent children…”

At this point, he gestured at Vivio, whose body more closely resembled that of a Supermodel than an innocent child.

“... like her, who have bodies that don’t match their minds… that’s why Clone Sex Investigations is here. For the children.” He finished piously.

“… that situation really comes up often enough that you need an entire crime unit?” Vivio asked.

“Not really. To be honest, I’m pretty sure our unit’s funding is supposed to be used to buy oatmeal for precinct cafeterias, and we only got it because of a budget mix-up.” Laine admitted. “But that isn't important; what is important is my need to make this formal… Lutecia Alphine, you are under arrest for the Statutory Rape of Vivio Takamachi. You have the right to remain silent…”

“This is such bullshit.” Lutecia growled.

“… but not the ability, I guess. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney…”

“Why do I need one?! She’s eighteen!”

“She’s twelve, I just told you this. And if you’ll let me finish, miss interrupter, I’m going to tell you that if you cannot afford an attorney one will be appointed to you.”

“See? Things are looking up!” Vivio said hopefully.

“Vivio, honey, you’re not helping as much as you think you are.” Lutecia said wearily.

“All right, boys! Take this pervert away, and take Miss Takamachi home to her parents. Another job well… okay, a first job well done, you're actually the only person we've ever arrested, but that works for me.” Laine said.

“Um…” Vivio asked. “Can we at least get dressed?”

“I don’t see why not.” Laine said. He slipped off his sunglasses. “The only thing we need exposed around here…”

Sunglasses on.

“… is the truth.”

“I hate you.” Lutecia said.

“Don’t worry, Cia.” Vivio said confidently as her lover/assailant was dragged away. “We’ll fight this, tooth and nail. We’ll make clear that our love is pure and true, and we’ll bring forth all the many, many great heroes who know and respect you for your great deeds. We will fight, and I say this now… we will win.”

The Next Day…

“I’ll confess,” Vivio said, from the other side of the interview booth, “I really didn’t think they would find you guilty.”

“Especially not in one day.” Lutecia grumbled, picking at the itchy collar on her prison jumpsuit.

“I think Aunt Hayate getting slapped with a class-action Sexual Harassment lawsuit probably hurt her testimony as a character witness for you.” Vivio said.

“In retrospect, Queen Gropesalot was probably the worst possible person to help convince a jury I wasn’t a sexual deviant.” Lutecia agreed acidly.

“And Uncle Chrono testifying on the necessary and heroic nature of your Shadow work was probably weakened a little when he got an update during the trial from Agent… um…”

“Agent Slaughtermeister, I believe.” Lutecia said dully.

“Right. Who…”

“Burned down an orphanage to destroy at the narcotics ring operating beneath it… without telling the orphans.” Lutecia said. “Honestly, I’m not even sure why we employ that woman.”

“Her name is Slaughtermeister. That should have been a hint.” Vivio agreed.

“In her defense, that was her married name, changed after she joined that Shadows.”

“What was her maiden name?”

"Doomslayer.”

“… … …”

“Yeah, you don’t need to say it. Hiring processes have gone to Hell ever since Auris Gaiz took over as Deputy Chief.” Lutecia admitted.

“Well… um… at least you’ll have company?” Vivio said, looking a little further down the visiting room, where a teary-eyed Fate sat talking to Nanoha, who was wearing an identical jumpsuit to Lutecia.

“Yeah… I was going to ask…”

“Apparently, according to the CPL… clone protection laws? They’re new, I guess…”

“Yes, I like to think I would have heard of them before the imprisonment if they weren’t new.” Lutecia said bitterly.

“Well, anyway, the gist is that Fate-mama was technically only 14 years old when they got married.” Vivio said. “And then he said something about ‘this time, there won’t be any sympathy… for the devil’, and put on a pair of sunglasses.”

“I really hate that guy.” Lutecia growled.

“He’s not my favorite person.” Vivio agreed.

Chrono Harlaown, Lutecia’s superior, walked into the room and placed his hand on Vivio’s shoulder. “Um… Visiting hours are over, girls. Lutecia, I’m really very sorry about this…”

“Not as sorry as I am.”

“I expect not. Well… we’ll of course be appealing this every step of the way. And your Shadow duties will be taken over by another agent, so don’t worry about that.”

“Storm?”

“As much as he can; we’ll assign him a new partner to pick up the slack. I was thinking Agent Torturo. Maybe Agent McChildkiller.”

“… … … you really ought to have a word with Deputy Director Gaiz about who she scouts, sir.”

“I am realizing this, yes.” Chrono agreed. “Fate, Vivio? Let’s go home.”

“Don’t worry, Cia!” Vivio said. “It’s only three years at the most, right?”

“Yes… I know.” Lutecia said in a dead sort of voice.

“I mean, we’ve waited that long before, right?”

“Yes.” Lutecia said dully. “Exactly that long.”

“I mean, it’s sort of ironic, isn’t it? That you should be sentenced for exactly the same length of time you had to wait for me to turn eighteen? Like one three-year wait led directly to ano-“

“Yes, Vivio, I figured that out on my own.” Lutecia said.

“… … well, I thought it might cheer you up.” Vivio said.

“……………………” Lutecia said.

“Like, our little in-joke.” Vivio said, a little more doubtfully.

“……………………” Lutecia said.

“Someday we’ll look back on this and laugh, I’m sure.” Vivio said, the doubt in her voice so thick you could have drowned in it.

“…………………… Vivio? Honey, darling, love of my life?” Lutecia said.

“Y-yes?” Vivio asked.

“Stop helping.”

"... I'm going to go home, now?" Vivio said, her tone not really clear if she was asking or saying.

"That might be for the best." Lutecia agreed.

Chrono, Fate, and Vivio left the room and shortly the prison, leaving Nanoha and Lutecia alone with only a thin wall between them.

"So... um... looking forward to getting to know you?" Lutecia said.

"You laid hands on my daughter." Nanoha said.

"... ... okay, in my defense, and I realize how this sounds, she told me she was eighteen."

"I may shank you." Nanoha said, as if Cia had not spoken. "I haven't decided yet."

Lutecia sighed. It really did look like the next three years would be even longer than the previous...

Spoiler for Author's Notes:

I probably shouldn't be allowed to have cold medicine. It produces weird, weird writing.

Actually, RB and I had discussed the possibility of this short before; I don't think either of us ever really expected I would actually write it, but hey... sometimes you don't know the depths of your own madness until you plumb them. If nothing else, I hope all the Shadowverse fans got at least a mild chuckle out of it.

[Kuroi Hadou]

Originally Posted by Moczo

All right, I haven't contributed a one-shot in awhile, let's see how this goes.

I guess you could... sorta... call this my contribution to our own Beamspam's Shadowverse. My own unique take on the 'Vivio Turns Eighteen' story that she is planning. My personal vision.

It may possibly be non-canon.

Maybe.

Kinda.

Sorta.

Definitely.

Spoiler for Crime and Punishment:

*snip*

... You're evil.

[deathcurse]

Originally Posted by Moczo

All right, I haven't contributed a one-shot in awhile, let's see how this goes.

I guess you could... sorta... call this my contribution to our own Beamspam's Shadowverse. My own unique take on the 'Vivio Turns Eighteen' story that she is planning. My personal vision.

It may possibly be non-canon.

Maybe.

Kinda.

Sorta.

Definitely.

Spoiler for Crime and Punishment:

The only sounds for a long time had been gentle moans and soft gasps, the rustling of sheets, and the movement of flesh against flesh. Finally, though, one of the two women spoke.

“Happy eighteenth birthday, Vivio.” Lutecia Alphine said, happier than she had been in perhaps her entire life. All of her pain at the loss of her childhood, all of her guilt as a member of the Shadows, the TSAB’s secretive black operations division… all of that seemed just a bad dream as she stared into Vivio’s beautiful eyes.

“I love you, Cia.” Vivio Takamachi said. At this point in time, afterglow flooding her mind and exhaustion bringing an unbidden heaviness to her eyes, it was likely the only thing she could have said.

The two women lay intertwined among the tangled sheets of Lutecia’s small bed, sweat glistening on their exposed forms. Lutecia’s violet hair interwined freely with Vivio’s blonde locks, much as the new lovers themselves were intertwined. Both of them, they knew, were smiling like idiots, but at the moment caring was simply beyond them.

Finally, after years of waiting, it was Vivio’s coming of age; her eighteenth birthday and entry into legal adulthood… allowing the young woman and her longtime girlfriend to finally, finally consummate their relationship.

Finally, they belonged to each other in body in as they always had in soul.

Goofy smiles were to be expected in a moment so utterly perfect as this one.

“Vivio…” Lutecia whispered, brushing a few damp hairs off of Vivio’s brow. “I never thought I was allowed to be this happy.”

“Cia…” Vivio said, her smile only growing more brilliant. “I plan to make sure you-”

“FREEZE!”

“… eh?” Lutecia asked. That was not the romantic gesture she’d been expecting to hear, quite frankly.

“I didn’t say th-“ Vivio began, shortly before the door exploded inwards and a dozen men in body armor rushed into the room.

“What the Hell?!” Lutecia screamed, both women leaping for her discarded Devices, fully intending to fight back, only for the men to raise Devices of their own and wrap the two girls in chains of azure light.

“Lutecia Alphine?” Said the final man to enter the room, an older but still distinguished looking gentleman in a suit of middling quality.

Lutecia struggle futilely at the binding spell. Dammit… I should have known that no moment that good could last… She thought bitterly. Out loud, she said, “So, let me guess… I collapsed your operations, and you’re here to take it out of my hide? Forgive me if I don’t recognize you, all you scum look alike to me.”

The man smiled softly and shook his head. “A reasonable assumption… as an NSIS agent, you’ve certainly been responsible for any number of criminal organizations crumbling. But I’m afraid that you’re off.” He reached in his coat pocket and pulled out a badge marking him as a TSAB investigator himself. “Detective Ignatio Laine; CSI. I’m not some scum here for revenge on NSIS, I’m here to make sure the crimes that you have committed aren’t allowed to stay…” At this moment, for no discernable reason, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of sunglasses, which he donned. “…in the Shadows.”

“… … … … huh?” Lutecia said.

“CSI. Clone Sex Investigations.” Laine said.

“... ... ... ... huh?” Lutecia said again.

“You must have suspected… you had sexual relations with that young woman, didn’t you?” Laine asked, pointing at Vivio. “Disregarding the fact that she is a twelve-year-old girl?”

“She’s eighteen! Believe me, I checked. I had a countdown of the days running for the last year!” Lutecia said fervently.

“No, she isn’t. She is a clone, artificially aged to the physical body of a six-year old at the time of her creation.” Laine said. “Physically she is eighteen, but chronologically? She's only twelve years old. Protecting innocent children…”

At this point, he gestured at Vivio, whose body more closely resembled that of a Supermodel than an innocent child.

“... like her, who have bodies that don’t match their minds… that’s why Clone Sex Investigations is here. For the children.” He finished piously.

“… that situation really comes up often enough that you need an entire crime unit?” Vivio asked.

“Not really. To be honest, I’m pretty sure our unit’s funding is supposed to be used to buy oatmeal for precinct cafeterias, and we only got it because of a budget mix-up.” Laine admitted. “But that isn't important; what is important is my need to make this formal… Lutecia Alphine, you are under arrest for the Statutory Rape of Vivio Takamachi. You have the right to remain silent…”

“This is such bullshit.” Lutecia growled.

“… but not the ability, I guess. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney…”

“Why do I need one?! She’s eighteen!”

“She’s twelve, I just told you this. And if you’ll let me finish, miss interrupter, I’m going to tell you that if you cannot afford an attorney one will be appointed to you.”

“See? Things are looking up!” Vivio said hopefully.

“Vivio, honey, you’re not helping as much as you think you are.” Lutecia said wearily.

“All right, boys! Take this pervert away, and take Miss Takamachi home to her parents. Another job well… okay, a first job well done, you're actually the only person we've ever arrested, but that works for me.” Laine said.

“Um…” Vivio asked. “Can we at least get dressed?”

“I don’t see why not.” Laine said. He slipped off his sunglasses. “The only thing we need exposed around here…”

Sunglasses on.

“… is the truth.”

“I hate you.” Lutecia said.

“Don’t worry, Cia.” Vivio said confidently as her lover/assailant was dragged away. “We’ll fight this, tooth and nail. We’ll make clear that our love is pure and true, and we’ll bring forth all the many, many great heroes who know and respect you for your great deeds. We will fight, and I say this now… we will win.”

The Next Day…

“I’ll confess,” Vivio said, from the other side of the interview booth, “I really didn’t think they would find you guilty.”

“Especially not in one day.” Lutecia grumbled, picking at the itchy collar on her prison jumpsuit.

“I think Aunt Hayate getting slapped with a class-action Sexual Harassment lawsuit probably hurt her testimony as a character witness for you.” Vivio said.

“In retrospect, Queen Gropesalot was probably the worst possible person to help convince a jury I wasn’t a sexual deviant.” Lutecia agreed acidly.

“And Uncle Chrono testifying on the necessary and heroic nature of your Shadow work was probably weakened a little when he got an update during the trial from Agent… um…”

“Agent Slaughtermeister, I believe.” Lutecia said dully.

“Right. Who…”

“Burned down an orphanage to destroy at the narcotics ring operating beneath it… without telling the orphans.” Lutecia said. “Honestly, I’m not even sure why we employ that woman.”

“Her name is Slaughtermeister. That should have been a hint.” Vivio agreed.

“In her defense, that was her married name, changed after she joined that Shadows.”

“What was her maiden name?”

"Doomslayer.”

“… … …”

“Yeah, you don’t need to say it. Hiring processes have gone to Hell ever since Auris Gaiz took over as Deputy Chief.” Lutecia admitted.

“Well… um… at least you’ll have company?” Vivio said, looking a little further down the visiting room, where a teary-eyed Fate sat talking to Nanoha, who was wearing an identical jumpsuit to Lutecia.

“Yeah… I was going to ask…”

“Apparently, according to the CPL… clone protection laws? They’re new, I guess…”

“Yes, I like to think I would have heard of them before the imprisonment if they weren’t new.” Lutecia said bitterly.

“Well, anyway, the gist is that Fate-mama was technically only 14 years old when they got married.” Vivio said. “And then he said something about ‘this time, there won’t be any sympathy… for the devil’, and put on a pair of sunglasses.”

“I really hate that guy.” Lutecia growled.

“He’s not my favorite person.” Vivio agreed.

Chrono Harlaown, Lutecia’s superior, walked into the room and placed his hand on Vivio’s shoulder. “Um… Visiting hours are over, girls. Lutecia, I’m really very sorry about this…”

“Not as sorry as I am.”

“I expect not. Well… we’ll of course be appealing this every step of the way. And your Shadow duties will be taken over by another agent, so don’t worry about that.”

“Storm?”

“As much as he can; we’ll assign him a new partner to pick up the slack. I was thinking Agent Torturo. Maybe Agent McChildkiller.”

“… … … you really ought to have a word with Deputy Director Gaiz about who she scouts, sir.”

“I am realizing this, yes.” Chrono agreed. “Fate, Vivio? Let’s go home.”

“Don’t worry, Cia!” Vivio said. “It’s only three years at the most, right?”

“Yes… I know.” Lutecia said in a dead sort of voice.

“I mean, we’ve waited that long before, right?”

“Yes.” Lutecia said dully. “Exactly that long.”

“I mean, it’s sort of ironic, isn’t it? That you should be sentenced for exactly the same length of time you had to wait for me to turn eighteen? Like one three-year wait led directly to ano-“

“Yes, Vivio, I figured that out on my own.” Lutecia said.

“… … well, I thought it might cheer you up.” Vivio said.

“……………………” Lutecia said.

“Like, our little in-joke.” Vivio said, a little more doubtfully.

“……………………” Lutecia said.

“Someday we’ll look back on this and laugh, I’m sure.” Vivio said, the doubt in her voice so thick you could have drowned in it.

“…………………… Vivio? Honey, darling, love of my life?” Lutecia said.

“Y-yes?” Vivio asked.

“Stop helping.”

"... I'm going to go home, now?" Vivio said, her tone not really clear if she was asking or saying.

"That might be for the best." Lutecia agreed.

Chrono, Fate, and Vivio left the room and shortly the prison, leaving Nanoha and Lutecia alone with only a thin wall between them.

"So... um... looking forward to getting to know you?" Lutecia said.

"You laid hands on my daughter." Nanoha said.

"... ... okay, in my defense, and I realize how this sounds, she told me she was eighteen."

"I may shank you." Nanoha said, as if Cia had not spoken. "I haven't decided yet."

Lutecia sighed. It really did look like the next three years would be even longer than the previous...

Spoiler for Author's Notes:

I probably shouldn't be allowed to have cold medicine. It produces weird, weird writing.

Actually, RB and I had discussed the possibility of this short before; I don't think either of us ever really expected I would actually write it, but hey... sometimes you don't know the depths of your own madness until you plumb them. If nothing else, I hope all the Shadowverse fans got at least a mild chuckle out of it.

I started off skeptically, as it seemed so...blah-ly ordinary, then I descended into mad laughter as I kept reading . The best part being when Nanoha entered the picture...and her last words to Lutecia at the end .

Vivio's awkward attempts to cheer Lutecia up were hilarious XD. And little cameos I loved included Hayate's own lawsuit, Auris Gaiz's hiring practices, and Chrono's bad-timing messages XDDDDDD.............

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by deathcurse

Hm, I'd disagree on it not being connected to the main Shadow plot. Because isn't part of the conflict in their relationship the whole "keeping secrets" and "getting to know each other" theme that is in the main plot? =O On some level that's got to affect their romantic relationship somehow, I think...

I suppose I just see it from the perspective that it's less of a "Shadowverse" story, in terms of Lutecia as a character and how she develops and where she ends up by the end, and more of a "Vivio and Lutecia" story that focuses just on them and that particular moment. But that might just be me.

Originally Posted by Moczo

All right, I haven't contributed a one-shot in awhile, let's see how this goes.

I guess you could... sorta... call this my contribution to our own Beamspam's Shadowverse. My own unique take on the 'Vivio Turns Eighteen' story that she is planning. My personal vision.

It may possibly be non-canon.

Maybe.

Kinda.

Sorta.

Definitely.

Spoiler for Crime and Punishment:

The only sounds for a long time had been gentle moans and soft gasps, the rustling of sheets, and the movement of flesh against flesh. Finally, though, one of the two women spoke.

“Happy eighteenth birthday, Vivio.” Lutecia Alphine said, happier than she had been in perhaps her entire life. All of her pain at the loss of her childhood, all of her guilt as a member of the Shadows, the TSAB’s secretive black operations division… all of that seemed just a bad dream as she stared into Vivio’s beautiful eyes.

“I love you, Cia.” Vivio Takamachi said. At this point in time, afterglow flooding her mind and exhaustion bringing an unbidden heaviness to her eyes, it was likely the only thing she could have said.

The two women lay intertwined among the tangled sheets of Lutecia’s small bed, sweat glistening on their exposed forms. Lutecia’s violet hair interwined freely with Vivio’s blonde locks, much as the new lovers themselves were intertwined. Both of them, they knew, were smiling like idiots, but at the moment caring was simply beyond them.

Finally, after years of waiting, it was Vivio’s coming of age; her eighteenth birthday and entry into legal adulthood… allowing the young woman and her longtime girlfriend to finally, finally consummate their relationship.

Finally, they belonged to each other in body in as they always had in soul.

Goofy smiles were to be expected in a moment so utterly perfect as this one.

“Vivio…” Lutecia whispered, brushing a few damp hairs off of Vivio’s brow. “I never thought I was allowed to be this happy.”

“Cia…” Vivio said, her smile only growing more brilliant. “I plan to make sure you-”

“FREEZE!”

“… eh?” Lutecia asked. That was not the romantic gesture she’d been expecting to hear, quite frankly.

“I didn’t say th-“ Vivio began, shortly before the door exploded inwards and a dozen men in body armor rushed into the room.

“What the Hell?!” Lutecia screamed, both women leaping for her discarded Devices, fully intending to fight back, only for the men to raise Devices of their own and wrap the two girls in chains of azure light.

“Lutecia Alphine?” Said the final man to enter the room, an older but still distinguished looking gentleman in a suit of middling quality.

Lutecia struggle futilely at the binding spell. Dammit… I should have known that no moment that good could last… She thought bitterly. Out loud, she said, “So, let me guess… I collapsed your operations, and you’re here to take it out of my hide? Forgive me if I don’t recognize you, all you scum look alike to me.”

The man smiled softly and shook his head. “A reasonable assumption… as an NSIS agent, you’ve certainly been responsible for any number of criminal organizations crumbling. But I’m afraid that you’re off.” He reached in his coat pocket and pulled out a badge marking him as a TSAB investigator himself. “Detective Ignatio Laine; CSI. I’m not some scum here for revenge on NSIS, I’m here to make sure the crimes that you have committed aren’t allowed to stay…” At this moment, for no discernable reason, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of sunglasses, which he donned. “…in the Shadows.”

“… … … … huh?” Lutecia said.

“CSI. Clone Sex Investigations.” Laine said.

“... ... ... ... huh?” Lutecia said again.

“You must have suspected… you had sexual relations with that young woman, didn’t you?” Laine asked, pointing at Vivio. “Disregarding the fact that she is a twelve-year-old girl?”

“She’s eighteen! Believe me, I checked. I had a countdown of the days running for the last year!” Lutecia said fervently.

“No, she isn’t. She is a clone, artificially aged to the physical body of a six-year old at the time of her creation.” Laine said. “Physically she is eighteen, but chronologically? She's only twelve years old. Protecting innocent children…”

At this point, he gestured at Vivio, whose body more closely resembled that of a Supermodel than an innocent child.

“... like her, who have bodies that don’t match their minds… that’s why Clone Sex Investigations is here. For the children.” He finished piously.

“… that situation really comes up often enough that you need an entire crime unit?” Vivio asked.

“Not really. To be honest, I’m pretty sure our unit’s funding is supposed to be used to buy oatmeal for precinct cafeterias, and we only got it because of a budget mix-up.” Laine admitted. “But that isn't important; what is important is my need to make this formal… Lutecia Alphine, you are under arrest for the Statutory Rape of Vivio Takamachi. You have the right to remain silent…”

“This is such bullshit.” Lutecia growled.

“… but not the ability, I guess. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney…”

“Why do I need one?! She’s eighteen!”

“She’s twelve, I just told you this. And if you’ll let me finish, miss interrupter, I’m going to tell you that if you cannot afford an attorney one will be appointed to you.”

“See? Things are looking up!” Vivio said hopefully.

“Vivio, honey, you’re not helping as much as you think you are.” Lutecia said wearily.

“All right, boys! Take this pervert away, and take Miss Takamachi home to her parents. Another job well… okay, a first job well done, you're actually the only person we've ever arrested, but that works for me.” Laine said.

“Um…” Vivio asked. “Can we at least get dressed?”

“I don’t see why not.” Laine said. He slipped off his sunglasses. “The only thing we need exposed around here…”

Sunglasses on.

“… is the truth.”

“I hate you.” Lutecia said.

“Don’t worry, Cia.” Vivio said confidently as her lover/assailant was dragged away. “We’ll fight this, tooth and nail. We’ll make clear that our love is pure and true, and we’ll bring forth all the many, many great heroes who know and respect you for your great deeds. We will fight, and I say this now… we will win.”

The Next Day…

“I’ll confess,” Vivio said, from the other side of the interview booth, “I really didn’t think they would find you guilty.”

“Especially not in one day.” Lutecia grumbled, picking at the itchy collar on her prison jumpsuit.

“I think Aunt Hayate getting slapped with a class-action Sexual Harassment lawsuit probably hurt her testimony as a character witness for you.” Vivio said.

“In retrospect, Queen Gropesalot was probably the worst possible person to help convince a jury I wasn’t a sexual deviant.” Lutecia agreed acidly.

“And Uncle Chrono testifying on the necessary and heroic nature of your Shadow work was probably weakened a little when he got an update during the trial from Agent… um…”

“Agent Slaughtermeister, I believe.” Lutecia said dully.

“Right. Who…”

“Burned down an orphanage to destroy at the narcotics ring operating beneath it… without telling the orphans.” Lutecia said. “Honestly, I’m not even sure why we employ that woman.”

“Her name is Slaughtermeister. That should have been a hint.” Vivio agreed.

“In her defense, that was her married name, changed after she joined that Shadows.”

“What was her maiden name?”

"Doomslayer.”

“… … …”

“Yeah, you don’t need to say it. Hiring processes have gone to Hell ever since Auris Gaiz took over as Deputy Chief.” Lutecia admitted.

“Well… um… at least you’ll have company?” Vivio said, looking a little further down the visiting room, where a teary-eyed Fate sat talking to Nanoha, who was wearing an identical jumpsuit to Lutecia.

“Yeah… I was going to ask…”

“Apparently, according to the CPL… clone protection laws? They’re new, I guess…”

“Yes, I like to think I would have heard of them before the imprisonment if they weren’t new.” Lutecia said bitterly.

“Well, anyway, the gist is that Fate-mama was technically only 14 years old when they got married.” Vivio said. “And then he said something about ‘this time, there won’t be any sympathy… for the devil’, and put on a pair of sunglasses.”

“I really hate that guy.” Lutecia growled.

“He’s not my favorite person.” Vivio agreed.

Chrono Harlaown, Lutecia’s superior, walked into the room and placed his hand on Vivio’s shoulder. “Um… Visiting hours are over, girls. Lutecia, I’m really very sorry about this…”

“Not as sorry as I am.”

“I expect not. Well… we’ll of course be appealing this every step of the way. And your Shadow duties will be taken over by another agent, so don’t worry about that.”

“Storm?”

“As much as he can; we’ll assign him a new partner to pick up the slack. I was thinking Agent Torturo. Maybe Agent McChildkiller.”

“… … … you really ought to have a word with Deputy Director Gaiz about who she scouts, sir.”

“I am realizing this, yes.” Chrono agreed. “Fate, Vivio? Let’s go home.”

“Don’t worry, Cia!” Vivio said. “It’s only three years at the most, right?”

“Yes… I know.” Lutecia said in a dead sort of voice.

“I mean, we’ve waited that long before, right?”

“Yes.” Lutecia said dully. “Exactly that long.”

“I mean, it’s sort of ironic, isn’t it? That you should be sentenced for exactly the same length of time you had to wait for me to turn eighteen? Like one three-year wait led directly to ano-“

“Yes, Vivio, I figured that out on my own.” Lutecia said.

“… … well, I thought it might cheer you up.” Vivio said.

“……………………” Lutecia said.

“Like, our little in-joke.” Vivio said, a little more doubtfully.

“……………………” Lutecia said.

“Someday we’ll look back on this and laugh, I’m sure.” Vivio said, the doubt in her voice so thick you could have drowned in it.

“…………………… Vivio? Honey, darling, love of my life?” Lutecia said.

“Y-yes?” Vivio asked.

“Stop helping.”

"... I'm going to go home, now?" Vivio said, her tone not really clear if she was asking or saying.

"That might be for the best." Lutecia agreed.

Chrono, Fate, and Vivio left the room and shortly the prison, leaving Nanoha and Lutecia alone with only a thin wall between them.

"So... um... looking forward to getting to know you?" Lutecia said.

"You laid hands on my daughter." Nanoha said.

"... ... okay, in my defense, and I realize how this sounds, she told me she was eighteen."

"I may shank you." Nanoha said, as if Cia had not spoken. "I haven't decided yet."

Lutecia sighed. It really did look like the next three years would be even longer than the previous...

Spoiler for Author's Notes:

I probably shouldn't be allowed to have cold medicine. It produces weird, weird writing.

Actually, RB and I had discussed the possibility of this short before; I don't think either of us ever really expected I would actually write it, but hey... sometimes you don't know the depths of your own madness until you plumb them. If nothing else, I hope all the Shadowverse fans got at least a mild chuckle out of it.

Oh God, I remember this conversation. XD

By the end of it I was laughing so hard I was in tears. Let's just hope that for Vivio's sake, in the three years that pass, Nanoha can get past wanting to shank Lutecia and get along with her. And if this is what cold medicine produces, take more of it! I like this weird kind of writing!

[bhl88]

Originally Posted by Yasanagi

Dammit, I am so tempted to use that somewhere.

Nanoha: Don't worry, it'll only hurt a little!

Yuuno: Nanoha, just listen to me!

Nanoha: No, Yuuno-kun! You have to listen...

Raising Heart: Divine...

Nanoha: ...TO ME!

Raising Heart: ...Buster.

Yuuno: SUCH MISFORTUNE!!

Not Divine Buster.... But Starlight Breaker.

And instead of such misfortune....

Nanoha: Starlight...

Yuuno: I'm in despair! Starlight Breaker has left me in des-

Nanoha: BREAKER!