Nanoha Fanfic Discussion

[Evangelion Xgouki]

Originally Posted by Eagle8819

@Xgouki: Interesting. Very interesting. I hadn't expected a fic in...Raising Heart's pov, but good nonetheless. Nice work.

I was actually quite amazed I came up with the idea myself . It's actually quite interesting that there's no fic I've read so far that use a Device PoV so it made me want to write that story even more.

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by Riddly

Oh my, I really appreciate the encouragement. ^^;

It does mean a lot to me that both of you enjoyed it. I've been such a fan to both of your stories, that it still is somewhat hard to process that you like my own.

Haha, yeah that's kinda strange isn't it? I'm hoping you'll try your hand at another fic soon, you have my support all the way (b")b

[Eagle8819]

Originally Posted by Riddly

Oh my, I really appreciate the encouragement. ^^;

It does mean a lot to me that both of you enjoyed it. I've been such a fan to both of your stories, that it still is somewhat hard to process that you like my own.

It's actually kind of funny that you mention that...I am having trouble trying to process the thought I have a fan who like my work?

And my offer still stands, if you'd like. I think this fic has a lot of potential, technical and emotional-wise, which could definitely be improved or perfected. And I imagine what other fics that you may come up with would be the same, if not better.

[Riddly]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Haha, yeah that's kinda strange isn't it? I'm hoping you'll try your hand at another fic soon, you have my support all the way (b")b

Thank you for the support.

Originally Posted by Eagle8819

It's actually kind of funny that you mention that...I am having trouble trying to process the thought I have a fan who like my work?

And my offer still stands, if you'd like. I think this fic has a lot of potential, technical and emotional-wise, which could definitely be improved or perfected. And I imagine what other fics that you may come up with would be the same, if not better.

Aw, but you do have many fans.

I'm glad you think so about the story. Any help you'd like to offer would be greatly appreciated.

[Satashi]

Taking a small break from Redemption, I'm working on Spinel Heart. It's a NanoFate get-together fic, but done in a more realistic way ( Like my Ruby Eyes fic ). The point of this one is complete casualness with the drama our girls discovering a part about themselves they are unsure of.

Spinel Heart
Length: 3.1k words
progress 30%ish
Genre: Casual/Suspense (wow, what a combo!)
ETA: Trying to get done before this weekend.

[BPHaru]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Taking a small break from Redemption, I'm working on Spinel Heart. It's a NanoFate get-together fic, but done in a more realistic way ( Like my Ruby Eyes fic ). The point of this one is complete casualness with the drama our girls discovering a part about themselves they are unsure of.

Spinel Heart
Length: 3.1k words
progress 30%ish
Genre: Casual/Suspense (wow, what a combo!)
ETA: Trying to get done before this weekend.

Looks promising, I'll be waiting for your fic while I'm working on spoonful ^^

Saludos, Haru

[KeithKurogane]

ei...
where's my constructive criticisim???

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by KeithKurogane

ei...
where's my constructive criticisim???

Incoming tomorrow, was busy tonight (b")b

@Haru: You'll like this one

[Kirika-chan]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Taking a small break from Redemption, I'm working on Spinel Heart. It's a NanoFate get-together fic, but done in a more realistic way ( Like my Ruby Eyes fic ). The point of this one is complete casualness with the drama our girls discovering a part about themselves they are unsure of.

Spinel Heart
Length: 3.1k words
progress 30%ish
Genre: Casual/Suspense (wow, what a combo!)
ETA: Trying to get done before this weekend.

Yeah! Before this week end *___*
I reaaaaally impatient to read it (It's like that for all of your work ^^)

[Satashi]

Spinel Heart
Length: 5.2k words
progress 45%ish
ETA: Trying to get done before this weekend.

[Evangelion Xgouki]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Spinel Heart
Length: 5.2k words
progress 45%ish
ETA: Trying to get done before this weekend.

Yay! New fic! Although, don't rush yourself on it . Rushing will only make it go from ZOMG EPIC to...semi-epic .

On another note, I've been toying around with the idea for another sequel to the 2 one-shots I have up so far . Any opinions, especially on the second one, My Master, would greatly help me flesh out my ideas for the new fic

[arkhangelsk]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Spinel Heart
Length: 5.2k words
progress 45%ish
ETA: Trying to get done before this weekend.

2100 words per day? Never mind the quality (which is generally very good) of the writing, just the sheer progress rate is pretty impressive - Coming up with that many words after the exhaustion a day of work or even school is not easy, at least for me.

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by arkhangelsk

2100 words per day? Never mind the quality (which is generally very good) of the writing, just the sheer progress rate is pretty impressive - Coming up with that many words after the exhaustion a day of work or even school is not easy, at least for me.

Eh, depending on the day I can do a lot more. normally I get anywhere from 1k to 4k done when I sit and write. My real delay is when I re-read my stuff before posting, I normally edit a whole lot during it. If you could read a before edit/after edit chapter of 6th Division you'd be amazed lol. For every 1k words, I normally change/add/subtract 100 words during revision

[KeithKurogane]

Im waiting forward for Satashi's fic. (and constuctive criticism..)
Im currently hooked at the story titled "Higher Powers"...

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by KeithKurogane

well... heres my rough draft...

Spoiler for My Rough Draft:

Vita is visibly pissed, shes expecting a great vacation from Keith Kurogane, only to be ruined by an energy surge from the Destroy Gundam's Beam Barrage.
The crew of Minerva, ArchAngel and both EA and ZAFT forces were surprised when a ship suddenly came out of the blue after the Beam Barrage.
Nanoha and the others are still recuperating from the impact when they crash landed.
Stellar still continued its reign of chaos with her Destroy Gundam.
"Hey You!" Vita exclaimed angrily.
Stellar looked back then fired her lasers at her. Vita, a bit shocked, took out Graf Eisen.
"Graf Eisen!"
"Panzer Hindernis" the device declared. Everyone was suprised to see the Destroy Gundam's lasers were blocked.
"Vita changed to her battle armor then exclaimed, "Graf Eisen, Cartridge Load!"
"Raketen Hammer" the device said then the hammer changed form.
TBC...

Spoiler for Reason why TBC..:

Run out of ideas...

Okay, here's what I'm seeing.

The first part with Vita seems a little hard to read. We get "Vita is visibly pissed, shes expecting a great vacation from Keith Kurogane, only to be ruined by an energy surge from the Destroy Gundam's Beam Barrage."

Since that is one sentence it could be worded a little easier, such as "Vita was seriously pissed; her vacation plans, promised by Keith Kurogane, were just ruined by a surge of energy released from Destroy Gundam's Beam Barrage."
That's just putting it in my 'style' of writing, and I'm not implying that's the only way of doing it. Just suggesting to make it a little easier to flow.

The rest was broken up a little too much, in my opinion. One liners break reading flow by giving it a sort of choppy feel, so it's something to try and avoid. This will also force you to detail a little more and give the story a better overall feel.

The crew of Minerva, ArchAngel and both EA and ZAFT forces were surprised when a ship suddenly came out of the blue after the Beam Barrage.
Nanoha and the others are still recuperating from the impact when they crash landed.

That left me confused.A ship came out of the blue? "Nanoha and the others are still..." suggest that they crashed in the past and are currently trying to recover. So if they had already crashed, who's ship just appeared so suddenly?

Stellar still continued its reign of chaos with her Destroy Gundam.
"Hey You!" Vita exclaimed angrily.
Stellar looked back then fired her lasers at her. Vita, a bit shocked, took out Graf Eisen.
"Graf Eisen!"

You don't need to break that up so much, as only Vita is speaking. Also, to avoid the one liners, try combining and re-wording:
"Hey you!" Vita exclaimed angrily as Stellar continued it's rain of Chaos with her Gundam. Taking out her hammer, she looked a bit shocked when she was suddenly looked back upon and had lasers fired in her direction. "Graf Eisen!"

Moving the four lines together, you combined what was happening around Vita and kept it to her paragraph. Since Stellar didn't actually speak, and his/her/it's action were on Vita, it can stay in the same section. Also, try and avoid the same words in a single paragraph: Vita taking out Graf Eisen and then calling it's name.

That's all right now, gotta go somewhere right fast. Please remember that those are just my comments tailored to my style. Developing your own style is very important too, so only take what I said at face value and not something from another author that should be set in stone.

Also, quick note, my style tends to over use commas. If you're not comfortable with colon and semicolon then you may need someone else trying to give comments lol

[Satashi]

Double Post FTW!

This post is for everyone, the more people reply to it the better!

Authors: What's one "flaw" that just nags you in your style of writing? One that you do and then hit backspace to try and keep from doing it.

Readers: What's something that just annoys the hell out of you when reading? Can be anything: Misuse of honorifics, the use of honorifics, typos, badly written sentences, OOC-ness, too much/too little of something, anything at all.

Mine:

1.) I use commas WAY too much. Most of my sentences tend to kind of have the same style of wording a little too much. I always try to vary things up to avoid it but I still find myself doing it.

2.) Too...Much...Talking... 90% of my lines have some type of speech in them. True my style of writing focuses more on character interaction than environment, but it still annoys me. Back in the past I wrote "Emerald Dream" to try and get myself into more details than speaking. Maybe I should do another story with the sole purpose of avoiding speaking again....

[Tk3997]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Double Post FTW!

This post is for everyone, the more people reply to it the better!

Authors: What's one "flaw" that just nags you in your style of writing? One that you do and then hit backspace to try and keep from doing it.

Too little descriptive language is a fault I feel I have, my scenes tend to be fairly easy to follow and visualize, but are a little bland sometimes IMO. Colorful metaphors and such allude me despite my conscious efforts to try and include more of them.

Originally Posted by Satashi

Readers: What's something that just annoys the hell out of you when reading? Can be anything: Misuse of honorifics, the use of honorifics, typos, badly written sentences, OOC-ness, too much/too little of something, anything at all.

In order of most to least annoyance:
-Mechanical errors to the point of near unreadability more so in a story that looks like it has some interesting ideas if only the author could put them into text in a decent way.
-Total ignorance of or disregard for canon in both technical and character aspects, I don’t expect you to be an encyclopedia, but I DO expect you to have a vague knowledge of what you’re writing on and to stick to the rules and facts canon lays out.
-Pointless shipping fics I’m really not interested in reading about two random fictional characters getting together for the 5 millionth time, more so if it’s canon already. Can I get a plot and a point to the story besides an author cooing over their favorite paring please?
-Fanboy Japanese: if you can't speak it fluently don't use it at all you just look like well... a fanboy. The English language has words for cute, stupid, and “okay” allot of them in fact, use them please. Hell even if you can speak it fluently it's stupid half the time. I don't want to need to get out a fucking Japanese to English dictionary to try and read a sentence in your fic, and it dosen't make you look cool or smart it's just annoying.

Originally Posted by Satashi

Mine:

1.) I use commas WAY too much. Most of my sentences tend to kind of have the same style of wording a little too much. I always try to vary things up to avoid it but I still find myself doing it.

That can be an issue for me too, I used to barely use them at all now I've swung the other way and I use them to much.

[Keroko]

*Pops in* I never post here much, but these little questions piqued my interest.

Originally Posted by Satashi

Authors: What's one "flaw" that just nags you in your style of writing? One that you do and then hit backspace to try and keep from doing it.

The one flaw that nags me the most is that I tend to write things too plain for my taste in the initial run. It's not every sentence, but every once in a while there comes a sentence I write down, re-read and think "Damn this is lame." A bit of tweaking usually fixes this problem, though.

Originally Posted by Satashi

Readers: What's something that just annoys the hell out of you when reading? Can be anything: Misuse of honorifics, the use of honorifics, typos, badly written sentences, OOC-ness, too much/too little of something, anything at all.

Barring the usual "for the love of- USE A FRIGGING SPELL CHECK!" type of fics, what annoys me the most is people slightly or totally disregarding canon just to push out their little ideas. I hold nothing against new material, but suddenly, say pull out mages that don't have Linker Cores, or have everyone and their dogs have Unision Devices (Mid-Childa ones, even) without viable explanations annoys me. And also people who grossly overpower characters for no other reason then 'because its cool' being a h4xxbuster in the OC-thread, this is particular pet peeve of mine.

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by Keroko

And also people who grossly overpower characters for no other reason then 'because its cool' being a h4xxbuster in the OC-thread, this is particular pet peeve of mine.

I agree there totally. I try to keep all my characters in check as best I can, or at least make the ultra strong ones the enemies. To counter it I make it a situation where it's possible to overcome ( no matter how strong or ultra cool powerful you are, if you get ran through with a weapon, you're gonna down.) Or in my case, Skeith, the ultra high powered haxxorz, can only be called in certain situations when certain needs are met, and only to progress the storyline.

[Keroko]

I don't even have H4XX. Keroko, for example, has a Fate-like Barrier Jacket/Device combo (though in her case a defensive/offensive boost at the cost of mobillity). However, using this mode puts horendous stress on Keroko, as it basically allows thined corrupted energies to flow through her. Sounds like Limit Break stress? I was using that during A's already. I find creating a balanced character to be much more fun. Having weak points makes for more diverse scenarios. It gives your characters a sense of mortallity, and allows them to be defeated in battle without pulling the 'omg h4xx opponent' card.