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Old 2011-07-16, 13:34   Link #32901
NTFTH
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Craxuan View Post

Writer's block lately, and I find myself wondering how I should cycle words so they don't repeat. It totally screwed up my writing.
I know what you mean, I'm absolutely horrible at using a variety of words but even worse at writing interesting fights
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Old 2011-07-16, 13:36   Link #32902
Craxuan
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Well normally I don't have that problem, it's after I read some discussion about word cycling here that the problem pop up. Big mistake...
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Old 2011-07-16, 14:10   Link #32903
Justin_Brett
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I thought the story was funny until the main joke just went on and on and on. Might want to trim it down a little.
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Old 2011-07-16, 16:00   Link #32904
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
But it's not exactly a solution to just use a thesaurus and replace certain words, since then that affects flow and such .
It's a matter of choosing the right word that flows well. I find Word's synonym function quite useful.
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Old 2011-07-16, 16:02   Link #32905
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Word has a synonym function?
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Old 2011-07-16, 16:15   Link #32906
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Well... I use google or babylon translator to change between words...

... ... ...

*runs*
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Old 2011-07-16, 17:44   Link #32907
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rising Dragon View Post
Word has a synonym function?
Yeah, you just right click on the word and select Synonyms. It'll give you a list and if you click one it'll change the word to your selection. It'll sometimes suggest an antonym too.
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Old 2011-07-16, 21:14   Link #32908
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Hey guys! You miss me?

*Crickets chirp*

...Huh, guess not.

Red

Yagami

Spoiler for Blood That Flows - Peak - Mid Start:
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Old 2011-07-16, 22:36   Link #32909
deathcurse
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Ficcage!

This story takes place in the Hayate and Vivio Files, when Vivio is 14 and Hayate is 27 . It was part of my story outline for RB's request of a story where Nanoha and Fate have their first discussion about Vivio and Hayate - unfortunately, I didn't quite make it there in this particular story, but don't worry, they will be coming soon ^^.

A full chronology is in the spoiler below:
Spoiler for Hayate x Vivio Files Chronology:


Little Girl

Spoiler for Little Girl:

Spoiler for Author's Note:


EDIT: Fixed a mistake Dezo pointed out, and added the fanon pieces to the chronology .

Last edited by deathcurse; 2011-07-17 at 01:03. Reason: Dezo is a bigger fan than I am! :p
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Old 2011-07-16, 23:08   Link #32910
Shigan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
A full chronology is in the spoiler below:
Spoiler for Hayate x Vivio Files Chronology:
I love you so much for this!

Quote:
Little Girl

Spoiler for Little Girl:

Spoiler for Author's Note:
YES! I'm so glad that this is being written. It gives us some more meat on the bone before we plunge on in the timeline, and frankly, your take on young Vivio in love is adorable . Also, a few stories focused on the rest of the cast is always nice, Shadowverse's format nowithstanding.

She's such a sweet child T_T. How did Vivio ever become the hardass specialist I made her into, I wonder ?
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Old 2011-07-16, 23:18   Link #32911
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
Ficcage!

This story takes place in the Hayate and Vivio Files, when Vivio is 14 and Hayate is 27 . It was part of my story outline for RB's request of a story where Nanoha and Fate have their first discussion about Vivio and Hayate - unfortunately, I didn't quite make it there in this particular story, but don't worry, they will be coming soon ^^.

Little Girl

Spoiler for Little Girl:

Spoiler for Author's Note:
Seconding Shigan in this. Awesome work. The Arf and Zafira part made me laugh - although it does bug me a little that the sentence in the bracket ended at an...incomplete note? Not to say that I haven't seen other fics that does the same, so it's probably just a me thing, but...yeah. It bugs.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shigan View Post
She's such a sweet child T_T. How did Vivio ever become the hardass specialist I made her into, I wonder ?
Give it a couple missions, some rookie mistakes, some angst, some toughening up..
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Old 2011-07-16, 23:22   Link #32912
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eagle8819 View Post
Give it a couple missions, some rookie mistakes, some angst, some toughening up..
I figure having to hear about how dating Hayate is 'such a dick move' dozens and dozens of times would be sufficient enough to turn Vivio hardcore.
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Old 2011-07-16, 23:58   Link #32913
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At least she didn't get accused of cradle robbing.
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Old 2011-07-16, 23:59   Link #32914
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
Ficcage!

This story takes place in the Hayate and Vivio Files, when Vivio is 14 and Hayate is 27 . It was part of my story outline for RB's request of a story where Nanoha and Fate have their first discussion about Vivio and Hayate - unfortunately, I didn't quite make it there in this particular story, but don't worry, they will be coming soon ^^.

A full chronology is in the spoiler below:
Spoiler for Hayate x Vivio Files Chronology:


Little Girl

Spoiler for Little Girl:

Spoiler for Author's Note:
Very sweet. I like this a lot. I like that it's Fate rather than Nanoha who notices first (she's supposed to be the detective), I like the humor and the byplay between the characters. I think ending here is good, because it acts as a bit of a cliffhanger, yet at the same time with a kind-of-funny realization (I love the line, "Where was the parental speech for something like this?").

Oh, and if I say Arkham Horror, do I get a gold Elder Sign? (Speaking of which, shouldn't the Fungi from Yuggoth be "Mi-Go" rather than "Mego"? Or is that a typo in the actual game that you're carrying over?)
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Old 2011-07-17, 00:36   Link #32915
deathcurse
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Originally Posted by Shigan View Post
I love you so much for this!


YES! I'm so glad that this is being written. It gives us some more meat on the bone before we plunge on in the timeline, and frankly, your take on young Vivio in love is adorable . Also, a few stories focused on the rest of the cast is always nice, Shadowverse's format nowithstanding.

She's such a sweet child T_T. How did Vivio ever become the hardass specialist I made her into, I wonder ?
Heehee, I can always use more love!

Yeah, these stories would be Nanoha and Fate's place to shine, so they technically should probably be done before "Prerogative of the Brave" in order for things to make sense... But I like PotB, so I'll likely write that one first anyway (unless the higher angst content of the N/F side of things wins me over? )

I don't particularly see Vivio as much different between her youth and her adulthood . Vivio is well-brought up, polite, kind...and she's still that way as a hardass specialist, she just knows how to kick your ass if she so chooses . Although her 17-18 years when she's not getting any might make her grumpy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eagle8819 View Post
Seconding Shigan in this. Awesome work. The Arf and Zafira part made me laugh - although it does bug me a little that the sentence in the bracket ended at an...incomplete note? Not to say that I haven't seen other fics that does the same, so it's probably just a me thing, but...yeah. It bugs.
Did it? =O I'd have to go look at it again...what exactly do you mean about the feel there?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eagle8819 View Post
Give it a couple missions, some rookie mistakes, some angst, some toughening up..
So in other words, let's hand it off to dc to "fix" for Shigan?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yasanagi View Post
I figure having to hear about how dating Hayate is 'such a dick move' dozens and dozens of times would be sufficient enough to turn Vivio hardcore.
Technically, Hayate would be the one hearing that she's making a "dick move" in dating Vivio. I re-read Moczo's fic to check, and other than Zafira's ambiguous response at the end no one seems to be faulting Vivio for anything.

Besides, I can see Vivio responding with: "It might be a dick move, but at least Hayate has a girl!"

Quote:
Originally Posted by DezoPenguin View Post
Very sweet. I like this a lot. I like that it's Fate rather than Nanoha who notices first (she's supposed to be the detective), I like the humor and the byplay between the characters. I think ending here is good, because it acts as a bit of a cliffhanger, yet at the same time with a kind-of-funny realization (I love the line, "Where was the parental speech for something like this?").

Oh, and if I say Arkham Horror, do I get a gold Elder Sign? (Speaking of which, shouldn't the Fungi from Yuggoth be "Mi-Go" rather than "Mego"? Or is that a typo in the actual game that you're carrying over?)
Thanks! I thought that Fate would likely be the more observant one, and since she had gone through the whole "young children in love" thing before with Caro and Erio, she'd be more likely to actually spot the signs . Not to mention that Nanoha's the one who isn't handling the whole relationship as well at the beginning... Thanks for the nod at the humour and byplay, I really didn't want this story to be too serious (so as to not ruin the mood established by other fics ) but it's also a pretty significant moment in the Takamachi family dynamics, so I wanted enough seriousness in there to show it. I was very nervous about the mood!

.........Yes, you get a gold Elder Sign . (Corrected the mistake in the original post!) I don't actually have the game with me as I wrote the fic, so my memory was sketchy . You get a Gate Box as well!
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Old 2011-07-17, 00:46   Link #32916
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Spoiler for More Kaiser Mom:
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Old 2011-07-17, 00:52   Link #32917
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Did it? =O I'd have to go look at it again...what exactly do you mean about the feel there?
"Speaking of those two, Fate hadn’t seen them since their “walk” after dinner, and she really didn’t want to know what they were up to."

It felt like it was missing a closure/explanation of sort. Granted, I do know what you were going for before I even finished the sentence, but when I read, "..didn't know what." and the sentence ended, my first thought was, 'didn't know what, what?'

Does that make sense?

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Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
So in other words, let's hand it off to dc to "fix" for Shigan?
Remember, you said it, not me.
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Old 2011-07-17, 00:56   Link #32918
staplesdex2
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@ Yasanagi

You're really milking the G Gundam references aren't you? As good as it is you ran it to the ground on your last snippet.
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Old 2011-07-17, 01:01   Link #32919
deathcurse
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eagle8819 View Post
"Speaking of those two, Fate hadn’t seen them since their “walk” after dinner, and she really didn’t want to know what they were up to."

It felt like it was missing a closure/explanation of sort. Granted, I do know what you were going for before I even finished the sentence, but when I read, "..didn't know what." and the sentence ended, my first thought was, 'didn't know what, what?'

Does that make sense?
Ah, okay, I see. Hm, I'll think about how to fiddle with that--I didn't want to extend the sentence too long, since it's supposed to just be a short and funny aside, so I'll see if I should just cut it or make it a proper line. Thanks!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eagle8819 View Post
Remember, you said it, not me.
LOL, you can do pretty depressing stuff yourself!
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Old 2011-07-17, 01:06   Link #32920
Shigan
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Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
Heehee, I can always use more love!
Be careful of what you ask for. The only tragedy I'm the queen of would be... my laundry.

btw! I snipped your outline on my ff.net profile page! Tell me if I made any mistakes. ^_^

Quote:
Although her 17-18 years when she's not getting any might make her grumpy?
And what exactly would you want me to do about that?

Quote:
Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
LOL, you can do pretty depressing stuff yourself!
What's up with the both of you and angst?? You seem to enjoy what I do aplenty xD.

Last edited by Shigan; 2011-07-17 at 01:17.
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