Dating

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by Timdog

Alright, I know I've posted in the past in this thread but I now need some more specific help.

There is this girl that I was very close friends with my freshman year (college) and became even closer first semester sophomore year. We had lunch 3x a week together and really became close.

However, this semester, I got far too involved in smoking weed but now that my parents caught me, I'm done for good (they weren't that mad, they really believe in second chances so they're giving me another chance). It also helps that I'll have a ton of extra money (turned into a $100 a week habit... disgusting I know).

Anyway, during that time, I barely spoke to this girl. However, I felt terrible about this and finally texted her again over spring break (right now). She responded very favorably and wants to hang out once we get back to school.

My question is, how do I approach this so that she realizes I want to be more than just friends? I'm not in love with her, I feel like I'd need to date anyone in order to really be in love with them. First of all, what should I suggest for hanging out? I was thinking a lunch or dinner off campus (we used to just eat on campus) so it could sort of be a "date."

Remember that I have 0 experience with these things, never been on a date, had a girlfriend, or kissed a girl. The most "romantic" thing I've done is asked a friend to prom and danced with her for awhile.

You're off to a good start. Eating together is fine, and she would like to hang out, so ask her out. Just say, "Hey, wanna go have dinner, my treat?" or "Wanna go to this amusement park when you have a free day?" Doing so, indicates interest. I'm not sure where you are, but there has got to be some fun things you can do around there. If you know her interests at all, you can try to find something more specific to do that she likes.

If she says at all "Like a date" or something, just smile and say, "If it is, then I'm going to kiss you at the end of the night!" and kinda wink. It makes things a bit mysterious, and makes her wonder if you really plan to or not. And yes, at the end of the night, before you part, lean in to kiss her; make it brief

If she doesn't mention anything about equating it to a date, don't push it; just enjoy having a good time. If things seemed to go well, just kinda mention that you had fun, and thank her for the company, and say "Perhaps we should do this again sometime!" Take note of her reaction.

Let us know how things go with that, and we can help with advice for next steps. Good luck!^^

[Animelover#1]

@Timdog, sorry I cant comment I dont really have any experiance in this area..

@ Everyone, I just thought i'd randomly mention how cute I find it when a girl wears your jumper to keep herself warm. Especially if the jumper is slightly too big for her so it's a little baggy.. So cute <3

[Timdog]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

You're off to a good start. Eating together is fine, and she would like to hang out, so ask her out. Just say, "Hey, wanna go have dinner, my treat?" or "Wanna go to this amusement park when you have a free day?" Doing so, indicates interest. I'm not sure where you are, but there has got to be some fun things you can do around there. If you know her interests at all, you can try to find something more specific to do that she likes.

If she says at all "Like a date" or something, just smile and say, "If it is, then I'm going to kiss you at the end of the night!" and kinda wink. It makes things a bit mysterious, and makes her wonder if you really plan to or not. And yes, at the end of the night, before you part, lean in to kiss her; make it brief

If she doesn't mention anything about equating it to a date, don't push it; just enjoy having a good time. If things seemed to go well, just kinda mention that you had fun, and thank her for the company, and say "Perhaps we should do this again sometime!" Take note of her reaction.

Let us know how things go with that, and we can help with advice for next steps. Good luck!^^

We both unfortunately go to the most boring college in the world in the most boring town in the world. The most exciting thing in this town is a movie theater.

I'll probably just ask her out to lunch on a saturday or something. Does anyone have more specific tips for the actual "date" itself? Remember that I have no idea how to flirt and am not very self-confident. Also pretty passive. The exact opposite of what I need to be.

I also already know her very well, we just haven't hung out in about 4 months or so.

[synaesthetic]

The thing about makeup is this: most girls don't have a fucking clue how to wear it.

The point of makeup is to cover up glaring facial flaws while also looking like you're not wearing any makeup. It took me years to learn how to wear makeup properly, and truthfully I don't wear much, but I do wear it every day, and I refuse to go out in public without it on.

I start with mascara, because if I fuck up and smear it, it's better to have nothing else on if I need to clean it off. Usually I'm too lazy to put it on anyway, my eyelashes are naturally long and curly, but I'll definitely say my face looks much cuter when I do wear it. It's just a pain in the ass so I cop out half the time.

Then foundation, to even my skin tone and hide certain things that must be hidden, then go over it with a liquid powder concealer. Eye color goes next, usually I'm too lazy to use multiple colors or do something elaborate like a smoky eye (only for photos or when going out to barhop).

Then I finish it off with pressed powder to smooth things out and remove any shiny spots, and last I use lip gloss... always the same color, Cover Girl Lipslicks "Cutie," which is just a very pale, pearlescent pink. Very subtle, keeps my lips from cracking and bleeding. I hate lipstick. Makes my lips feel like they're made of wax.

Throughout the day I'll touch up pressed powder when things start getting shiny from skin oil (my nose is the worst offender, thanks to my glasses).

My makeup and hair take a grand total of twenty to thirty minutes to set up. Not even close to two hours. And when I'm done, it looks subtle, understated and natural. Sometimes people don't even realize I'm wearing anything other than the lip gloss, but it hides a few scars on my face and other things that I'd rather not be seen.

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

The thing about makeup is this: most girls don't have a fucking clue how to wear it.

The point of makeup is to cover up glaring facial flaws while also looking like you're not wearing any makeup. It took me years to learn how to wear makeup properly, and truthfully I don't wear much, but I do wear it every day, and I refuse to go out in public without it on.

That's exactly it. The problem is that most girls misunderstand the purpose of makeup and wear it to show that they are wearing makeup, thinking that it will make them look better when it actually doesn't.

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by Timdog

We both unfortunately go to the most boring college in the world in the most boring town in the world. The most exciting thing in this town is a movie theater.

I'll probably just ask her out to lunch on a saturday or something. Does anyone have more specific tips for the actual "date" itself? Remember that I have no idea how to flirt and am not very self-confident. Also pretty passive. The exact opposite of what I need to be.

I also already know her very well, we just haven't hung out in about 4 months or so.

Any interesting movies showing that you both haven't seen? Asking a girl to a movie and dinner is a bit cliche, but doable. Perhaps ask if there is a movie at the theater she'd like to go see. Other possible ideas: go roller-blading in a park. Can also ask her what she likes to do for fun; she what she does on weekends with friends.

Flirting is fairly simple, and is closely related to teasing. It's actually fairly helpful to talk to women online, and learn to tease them, so your mind gets comfortable with the idea. There is no real guide book for flirting, but just try to tease her about something she says if you can.

Confidence is a big thing with women, and is the main attractor, and the addition of being "passive" is also kinda against you. There are ways around it, though. Just focus on listening to her, asking her questions about what she's saying. I've said this before, and I'll say it again: People LOVE talking about themselves. If you can keep someone talking about themselves, they'll just remember that they had a great time with you.

See what she's been doing over the past 4 months. If she's done anything fun or interesting. Ask about embarrassing moments. What kind of animals does she like? For pets? If she was dropped onto a desert island, and could only take one thing, what would it be?

It's the easiest trick I can give you, but beyond that, you're gonna have to fake confidence and learn to tease. Teasing will eventually turn into flirting as you get better at it. Even if it doesn't work out with her, continue trying to go out with women; just think of it as practice, and use it to get more and more comfortable and perfect your teasing/flirting. Even if she turns you down now, if she starts seeing you with other women, things can change. Women also tend to be more attracted to a man who already has a woman, too.

[synaesthetic]

I insult cute girls mercilessly because I love them. It's just how I show them I care.

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

I insult cute girls mercilessly because I love them. It's just how I show them I care.

That isn't insulting, that is teasing. Insulting is :

1. Telling her that she is so fat that she can roll down the stairs.
2. Telling her that she is so ugly that a catgirl assassin creed will hunt her down, but die when they get her in their sights.
3. Telling her that her bra straps are of the wrong colour.

[0utf0xZer0]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

That isn't insulting, that is teasing.

QFT - I consider what I do to my girlfriend sometimes to be teasing, not insulting. Occassionally I even try and butter her up through teasing: for example, my girlfriend is quite sensitive about being short. Recently, I mentioned how short one of my favourite cosplay models is in a conversation about cosplay, and she said that while that was really short, it suited the girl because she's so cute. I replied that that reminded me of someone I knew.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

That isn't insulting, that is teasing.

Well, the trick is also whether or not the person you're with interprets what you're saying and doing as teasing. Sometimes they misinterpret it and see it as an insult.

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Well, the trick is also whether or not the person you're with interprets what you're saying and doing as teasing. Sometimes they misinterpret it and see it as an insult.

There is always the "that is not my fault!/I didn't mean it to be an insult" look. But it has to be shown, and given some time to take effect, while she is still steaming.

[yoropa]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

There is always the "that is not my fault!/I didn't mean it to be an insult" look. But it has to be shown, and given some time to take effect, while she is still steaming.

I agree with this, so long as you actually didn't mean it to be an insult. No use in pretending you didn't mean it when you actually did.

[xris]

As far as I'm aware, this isn't the "How to tease / How to insult" thread but the Dating thread. Can we get back on-topic please.

If you think someone is trolling, baiting, insulting, flaming or derailing the topic then please make use of the Report button . Please do not reply to them (and certainly do not quote them) as that in general just makes matters worse.

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Timdog

We both unfortunately go to the most boring college in the world in the most boring town in the world. The most exciting thing in this town is a movie theater.

I'll probably just ask her out to lunch on a saturday or something. Does anyone have more specific tips for the actual "date" itself? Remember that I have no idea how to flirt and am not very self-confident. Also pretty passive. The exact opposite of what I need to be.

I also already know her very well, we just haven't hung out in about 4 months or so.

That makes it easier, 4 months is a lot to catch up on. Listen to her story, tell her yours. Talk about uni stuffs, graduation, life and just hang out as you've been doing so far.
I guess it'd be to try to read her, see her body language, toss in a joke here and there (if slightly suggestive, it can be flirtatious)
But the most important thing is to be confident. Don't over think and go 'aaah its a date, panic mode!' If you relax, she'll relax too.

You said that you've hung out before and had a good time, so continue it.
PS:
Lose the weed, the stuff in there doesn't help your brain or mental health more times than not and unless she's given the okay and doesn't mind eitherway, it smells and it's unhealthy.

Eitherway, good luck!
(remember, imagination and creativity is the weapon against reality)
Meaning in this context, the lack of places to go doesn't really matter if the time spent together is fun, so plan if you wish, jot down ideas of funny anecdotes or something...
A little prep work doesn't hurt

[Timdog]

Originally Posted by xris

As far as I'm aware, this isn't the "How to tease / How to insult" thread but the Dating thread. Can we get back on-topic please.

If you think someone is trolling, baiting, insulting, flaming or derailing the topic then please make use of the Report button . Please do not reply to them (and certainly do not quote them) as that in general just makes matters worse.

They were responding to my question on how to flirt with this girl on my possible upcoming date. It was very much on topic.

[Dr. Casey]

Originally Posted by Mystique

Should you wanna debate/hash over it some more, I'll hit up your profile wall for a reply just to keep this thread on track in some kinda of dating related form.

Nah. That was a fair enough post, I've got no arguments there.

... though I have to admit that I'm more than a little surprised (And confused) to see that you're a fansubber after all this.

[yoropa]

Originally Posted by xris

As far as I'm aware, this isn't the "How to tease / How to insult" thread but the Dating thread. Can we get back on-topic please.

The distinction between teasing and insulting is important for one to learn when it comes to relationships and dating, and as such I think the discussion is fully on topic. If one does not understand the difference between those two successfully, they will find themselves in trouble when it comes to dating, plain and simple.

[xris]

Originally Posted by Timdog

They were responding to my question on how to flirt with this girl on my possible upcoming date. It was very much on topic.

There is no issue if this is the case but most of the recent "teasing" replies were mostly excuses for jokes.

But the reminder I posted was mostly due to the post I deleted which was off-topic and somewhat insulting and baiting.

Originally Posted by Dr. Casey

Nah. That was a fair enough post, I've got no arguments there.

... though I have to admit that I'm more than a little surprised (And confused) to see that you're a fansubber after all this.

And here is an example of derailing a topic, what has someone fansubbing got to do with the subject at hand. As Mystique clearly suggested, please take such comments to either VM or PM. "Should you wanna debate/hash over it some more, I'll hit up your profile wall for a reply just to keep this thread on track in some kinda of dating related form."

Originally Posted by yoropa

The distinction between teasing and insulting is important for one to learn when it comes to relationships and dating, and as such I think the discussion is fully on topic. If one does not understand the difference between those two successfully, they will find themselves in trouble when it comes to dating, plain and simple.

Which is why none of the "teasing" comments were deleted (but it would help if they did actually address the question and were not used as an excuse to give jokey replies).

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Mystique

Meaning in this context, the lack of places to go doesn't really matter if the time spent together is fun, so plan if you wish, jot down ideas of funny anecdotes or something...
A little prep work doesn't hurt

Well, prep work certainly helps, but if you know each other a lot then sometimes it helps just as much to go with the flow of the conversation, keep things natural. Of course, planning ahead can also prevent a lot of awkward pauses and fishing for topics, but if all goes well then it's pretty easy to just let the conversation flow and develop naturally and not worry.

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Well, prep work certainly helps, but if you know each other a lot then sometimes it helps just as much to go with the flow of the conversation, keep things natural. Of course, planning ahead can also prevent a lot of awkward pauses and fishing for topics, but if all goes well then it's pretty easy to just let the conversation flow and develop naturally and not worry.

The way I see it, if the two know each other well enough to be able to speak freely and get a conversation going really easy, then it doesn't matter where you go because by the end of the day, you'll still feel like you've had at least a fairly good time. What matters most is communication. Places you go to and things you do there are trivial and meaningless in the long run. It's not what you do on the outside that counts, but how you feel inside.