The following day after school.
As I was on duty that day, I arrived at the club room later than usual, and the first thing I saw was Haruki toying around with Asahina-senpai.
"Hold still! Damn it! You’re a slippery one, aren’t you? Stop moving!”
"N... nooo! H... help!!"
Haruki had nearly stripped a struggling Asahina-senpai of his uniform.
"KYAA!!!"
Asahina-senpai screamed when he saw me. Truth be told, I was also quite stunned for a moment there, which was the only reason I didn't instantly cover my eyes to protect my sanity.
Haruki, on the other hand, just raised his head and directed his mischievous smile at me, while Asahina-senpai, to no avail, tried to get out of Haruki's bear hug.
“You're late, Kyon! Can you help me out here for a bit? This guy may be tiny, but he's still-”
Before he completed his sentence, though, I slammed the door shut, finally having regained my senses.
After waiting outside the door for ten minutes, the duet of Asahina-senpai's pitiful-yet-cute moans and Haruki's mischievous snickering came to an end. A few seconds later, the door slammed open, with Haruki's face popping out like some twisted variant of a Jack-in-the-box.
"What were you waiting for? Come in and check this out!"
As I re-entered the room, I stopped in astonishment.
There greeting me inside was the sight of a beautiful maid. I was just about to ask Haruki where he managed to find her (Internet?) when I realized who it was.
Dressed in a maid costume, Asahina-senpai sat on the steel chair with tears in his eyes. After sadly looking at me, he lowered his head.
A white apron coupled with a wavy skirt, a blouse, and white stockings only served to make him more adorable. Silently I started to envy his legs, and it didn't at all look like there was a guy in that costume – in fact, the lacy headband and the large butterfly-knot increased his female charm to dangerously high levels.
Wow... such an impeccable maid!
"Well? Doesn't he look cute like this?"
Haruki said as if praising his own handiwork, while caressing Asahina-senpai's hair.
I wholeheartedly agree. No offense to poor Asahina-senpai, but he really does look cute in that – despite the fact that he's actually a guy. Well, at least biologically – after this, though, I'm not really sure how he'll be doing on the inside. Which does beg a question...
"This costume's great, isn't it?" Haruki interrupted my train of thought.
"No, it isn't!" Asahina-senpai protested softly, but I ignored him for the moment and turned to Haruki.
"Why are you dressing him up as a maid?"
"Because maid costumes are sexy!"
I don't think that's an answer to my question.
"It took me a long time to think this up, you know?"
Even if you didn't think at all, it wouldn't make much of a difference.
“Look, you were the one who said we were going to make Asahina-senpai manlier. Exactly HOW does doing this accomplish that?”
"Listen up, Kyon. It is entirely obvious to anyone who sees this guy that he lacks any sort of manly spirit. This is entirely unacceptable! All men have the potential to become men among men! The only thing he needs is a bit of training for his soul; something to turn him from this...”
Haruki waved one arm wildly in Asahina-senpai's direction.
“...to THIS!”
With his other hand, he turned the computer's monitor around, so that I could see it clearly. It was showing the front page of some online magazine, featuring some muscly guy with a half-opened shirt, whose hairdo vaguely resembled Asahina-senpai's. I'll have to ask Haruki for the website address later... wait, what am I thinking about?
“On the other hand, if he doesn't, he'll be abused to the end of eternity by crazies like those Computer Club girls, toyed around with by friends, bullied by underclassmen and I don't know what! It's for his own good!”
Do you realize that your current actions fit perfectly into all those three categories? And why do I get the feeling that you're not caring the least about Asahina-senpai, but just doing this for your own twisted enjoyment?
As I was thinking of how to respond, Haruki took out a digital camera out of nowhere and started taking souvenir shots.
Asahina-senpai blushed bright red and shook his head violently.
"P... please stop!!!"
You're wasting your time, Asahina-senpai. Haruki will do whatever he wants regardless of what you say. Just close your eyes, and it'll all be over soon...
Haruki had Asahina-senpai perform all sorts of poses for his makeshift photo session, just as I had thought.
"Sniff..."
"Now look over here! Lower your chin a bit! Lift up your apron! Yes, that's a good boy! Smile a bit more!"
Have a fetish for maids, Haruki?
Haruki yelled out ceaseless orders with every 'click' of the camera shutter. Were I to ask him where he got this digital camera from, he'd definitely say something about “tribute”. In other words, he stole it.
Amidst Haruki's mad, photo shooting frenzy, Nagato Yuuki sat in his seat reading as always. Despite his confusing conversation with me last night, seeing his usual coolness I breathed a sigh of relief.
I just hope he doesn't turn psycho and stab me or something.
"Kyon! It's your turn to shoot."
Haruki handed the camera to me and turned towards Asahina-senpai. Then, like an eagle searching for prey, he let his gaze wander over Asahina-senpai's body, until he finally nodded briefly, closing his arms around Asahina-senpai's shoulders.
"Ah..."
Haruki gave Asahina-senpai his trademark cheshire grin.
"Mitsuuru-kun, until you've become manly enough, I'll have you look as cute as possible! Got that?”
That said, Haruki proceeded to loosen Asahina-senpai's ribbon, then quickly unbuttoned three buttons on his blouse. Parts of Asahina-senpai's smooth, hairless chest was revealed – he looked very much like a very flat-chested girl right now.
"W-wait! No... what are you doing...!?"
"Don't worry, don't worry! It doesn't really matter, does it?"
Of course it matters, Commander Haruki!
In the end, Asahina-senpai was forced to place his hands on his chest and lean forwards. Faced with the image of this innocent boy turned flat-chested maid, I wanted to just turn my head away, clinch my eyes together and try to un-see the whole thing. But I wouldn't have been able to take any pictures that way, so faced with no choice, I turned my eyes back to the camera and pressed the shutter repeatedly as Haruki had ordered.
Poor Asahina-senpai was made to perform poses which further emphasized his innocent bodily features, and he was so embarrassed his face got even redder. Yet, even as he was about to cry, he still tried his clumsiest best to smile, giving out a girlish charm as never seen before.
The sad part is that he's more feminine like that than I am.
"Oi, Yuuki-kun, give me your glasses."
Nagato Yuuki slowly lifted his head, but not fast enough for Haruki, who took them straight off his face with not as much as a “thanks”. Can you even read without glasses, Nagato?
Haruki took the glasses and placed them on Asahina-senpai's face.
"The glasses would look better if they're slightly tilted. There, that would be perfect! Kyon, remember to take more pictures of the four-eyed, innocent maid boy!"
Look, putting aside whether I'm going to take more photos or not, just what do you intend to do with the photos of Asahina-senpai in a maid costume anyway?
"Mitsuuru-kun, from now on you are to wear this costume every time you come for club activities!"
"Eeh!? What...no...that's...how can you..."
Asahina-senpai tried his best to express refusal, but Haruki trapped him once more in his bear-hug, letting his hands wander freely.
"Why the hell are you so cute like this? Man, I tell you, if you were a girl I'd... well, actually, with you like this, it doesn't really matter..."
Oh god.
Asahina-senpai screamed and tried to escape, but to no avail, being at the mercy of Haruki's molesting hands.
Why do I want to be in Asahina-senpai's position right now? Or, for that matter, Haruki's?
... What is wrong with me today?
"All right, I think it's time for you to stop now!"
I tried my best to pull Haruki away from his sexual harassment of Asahina-senpai, but he was way too big and strong for me to handle.
"That's enough, stop it already!"
"Does it matter? Why don't you join in as well?"
“EH!?” I exclaimed at this suggestion, while my mind started working in a completely unwanted direction. Damn you, Haruki! Damn you, maid outfit!
[Editor's note: NONE SHALL RESIST THE MAID OUTFIT!]
"Ah, what's going on here?"
Turning around, I saw Koizumi Itsuko standing at the entrance with her bag.
She looked amusedly first at Haruki, whose hands were fondling Asahina-senpai's butt; then at me, who was trying to stop Haruki's madness; then to Asahina-senpai in a maid costume, trembling nonstop; and finally to Nagato, who remained unfazed, peacefully reading his book even without his glasses.
"Is this... some sort of club activity?"
"Koizumi-san, you came at just the right time! I have a job for you!"
A job? What this, all of a sudden?
Itsuko smiled. Was this something they had discussed beforehand?
Haruki got up off the ground, leaving behind a nearly paralyzed Asahina-senpai, walked to the door and locked it.
That's never a good sign.
“Hey, Kyon.”
Haruki was grinning again.
“Remember that present I keep mentioning?”
My doom has finally arrived.
There was a paper bag standing behind the door earlier that I hadn't noticed. Haruki grabbed it and pulled out a pair of bunny ears.
I instantly knew what would be in the rest of that bag.
“...Bunny girl?” I asked, with trepidation.
Haruki's grin widened.
“Bunny girl.”
He reached towards me.
“Now, if you'll just--”
I slapped his hand away. That's it! The time had come for truly drastic measures! If you touch me, I'll scream rape! I swear it, Haruki!
“Hey now, that's not the way to behave towards your Supremely Manly Commander! I decree that you will wear the bunny suit, so you will wear the bunny suit! And that's final!”
I threw a punch towards Haruki's head. He blocked it easily, and shoved me backwards into the grasp of... Itsuko.
Asahina-senpai was still lying on the floor. Haruki took off the glasses from his face and returned them to Nagato.
Nagato silently received the glasses, putting them back on without saying a word. Had he been fooling with me last night? I couldn't tell, but I was very doubtful.
While I struggled against Itsuko's grip, Haruki grabbed both Nagato and Asahina-senpai and bid us girls farewell.
“I'll leave the bunny suit there, then. Give us a call when you're finished. Have fun, Kyon!”
He grinned widely again. I swear, if I ever get the chance to, I'm going to shove that idiot's head right into a wheat thresher...
I looked up at my captor.
“Hi,” Itsuko smiled at me. “We didn't get the chance to talk much yesterday, but I hope we can learn to be the best of friends!”
She said this while untying the ribbon on my uniform.
...
I'll just gloss over most of this, but let me just say that I was forced to be a bunny girl for yet another of Haruki's crazed photo shoots. I guess it wasn't all that bad, considering, though I'm deeply disturbed when I think of what he might be using these photos for.
...Also, I'm curious as to how he knew my exact measurements. Those are a secret, dammit!
Sigh... I guess I'll take all this as divine punishment for not saving Asahina-senpai when I still had the chance.
Later, after I was back in normal clothes and the nightmarish photo shoots were finally over...
"Right, let's now begin the first SOS Brigade meeting!"
Haruki, who was standing on the commander's seat, suddenly shouted. Please, stop startling everyone by suddenly shouting!
"Before this, we've already done a lot of work. Because of our distributing flyers and setting up the webpage, the SOS Brigade's reputation in the school has soared sky high and pierced the heavens! To wit, I announce phase one of my plan to be a great success."
This is your plan!? Scarring Asahina-senpai forever and forcing me to become a bunny girl is your plan!?
"But our inbox has yet to receive a single email about any mysterious events, and no one has yet come to us to discuss their concerns with their experiences."
Reputation alone doesn't help a lot. Besides, don't we have a bad reputation? Who would want to get involved with us?
The school doesn't even recognize this club anyway!
"There used to be a saying that 'patience is a virtue', but times, since then, have changed. Even if we have to turn the earth around, to drill through the clouds instead of the ground, we'll find them on our own! So everyone, let's begin searching!"
"... What are we looking for?"
Since no one else asked, I decided to do it myself. I hope it's a wheat thresher. I could use one right now.
"To find all the mysterious events of this world!”
And marry them?
“As long as we try hard, we'll be able to find one or two events in this town!"
I already found one mystery, Haruki! The way in which you think!
I displayed my reluctance, Itsuko only smiled enigmatically, Nagato remained wooden-faced, while Asahina-senpai seemed resigned to his fate, too exhausted to answer. He looks how I feel.
Ignoring everyone's reactions, Haruki waved his arms and yelled:
"This Saturday, which is tomorrow! We shall meet outside the north station before nine in the morning! Don't be late! Absentees will be... punished!"
I don't think there's a worse punishment than being forced to dress as a bunny girl for half an hour, but hey, I've been wrong before.
What did Haruki do with the photos of Asahina-senpai and me?
That idiot intended to upload all of them onto the webpage so that they could attract people to the website for discussion.
When I discovered this, he had just finished uploading them all on the front page to welcome visitors. He was even typing in the personal details. I notice he labeled Asahina-senpai as “female”.
I'm going to kill him.
I tried my best to stop his foolish behavior and had all the images removed. I don't want everyone in the world seeing my barely-clothed body, and if Asahina-senpai had known that images of him posing sexily in him maid costume had been spread all over the Internet, he'd probably faint on the spot.
I quickly warned him about the dangers of putting personal details on the web, while trying desperately to control my temper, and amazingly, for once, Haruki actually paid attention and listened to me seriously. Although, as if to spite me, he eventually said rather grumpily:
"I know that already!"
He then very reluctantly allowed me to remove the images from the page.
At this moment, I should have been deleting all of Asahina-senpai's photos, but... he really does look cute in that outfit. And even though I'm extremely embarrassed about the bunny suit, I do want some of my youth to look back on in thirty years. So, I secretly saved them all in a hidden file document within the computer's hard drive and had it protected with a password. Was this a bad idea?
Oh well. Only I can view those photos anyway!
2008-03-26, 22:48
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