Nanoha Fanfic Discussion

[EnigmaticThief]

Originally Posted by Satashi

6th Division: Section Six Side Stories (AKA: S^4) was finished. I had 90% of it done last night so I went ahead and finished the rest. Not sure what my next one will be tho.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3631666/1/

Enjoy



nopers :P

@Kha: I made Eriol and Tomoyo get together in my story "Whispers in the Dark" :P

Hehe. That was a lot of fun to read, Satashi. The general formula of seeing how certain relationships progressed or began while others are explaining their own was an entertaining trip. I think you depicted Signum and Shamal very well, along with Yuuno and Hayate.

As for myself, here's the initial part of a fic I'm planning out, although I'm not quite sure of how I want to develop it after the first few chapters, depending on whether I end up creating more OCs or not. Well, in any case, here's the first chapter of what I've titled, Interpretation.

Spoiler for Interpretation:

Chapter 1

The atmosphere was thick inside the hotel lobby. Many in the gaggle of attendees were smoking, a problem only somewhat alleviated by a nearby open window that allowed in a small breeze. It was a rare treasure in this stuffy city that some might treasure more than even what was going on auction in a short while. Leaning against the wall to the immediate left of that window was a young man in his early twenties dressed in a neat black suit. Holding a small plate of finger-food in front of him, one might see a brief green flash from his cuffs. Although the majority of people were gathered in the center of the hall, something kept this man glued to that wall. Glancing across the room, he saw another batch of hors d’oeurves being brought in from the kitchen, the double-doors swinging not to far away from the entrance to the small theatre where the action would be held. Deciding that he might as well partake of more of the local specialties, the young man pulled himself away from the wall and walked over towards a buffet. Navigating through society men and debutantes, he spied a plate of cheeses, but before he reached it he felt a hand grip his shoulder. Fighting back instinct, the young man turned slowly to meet the gaze of a spindly middle-aged man in a pin-striped number.

“Can I help you?” the young man asked, locking eyes with the elder.

“Just saying hello, friend,” he replied, taking his hand back before extending it in a shake. “Name’s Lester Cartwright.”

“David Laird,” he responded, shaking the other man’s hand in a hearty grip. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You don’t look like a reporter, David. I take it you’re here to bid. How’d someone as young as you get that much cash to throw away?”

“That’s my secret, Mr. Cartwright.”

“Come now; I like to know a bit about my opponent beforehand.”

“Well,” David began, “I’ll just say that I’m representing someone, and leave it at that.”

“As a matter of fact, so am I,” Lester replied. Before David could say another word a chime rang out over the lobby’s sound system. With this the crowd turned towards the theatre and began filing in. David presented his ticket to an attendant and received a small sign bearing his seat number in large font before sitting down. Saying brief hellos to the patrons around him, he once again felt that creeping uneasiness set in as he was surrounded by humanity. In due course the auction began; an exhibition of rare and expensive jewelry. David simply sat back for the first few items, until the barker announced that the day’s star attraction would be next. Leaning forward in his seat, he spied a dark pedestal being wheeled in from off-stage, and on top was his reason for being here.

“Here you have it, ladies and gentlemen,” the announcer proclaimed, “tonight’s main event: The Archous Pillar. As you might suspect, this rarity comes all the way from the Archous Wastes, and was only recently excavated. Note the distinctive metal trim at each end that complements its dark body, yet mysteriously shows no signs of construction. This beauty should be in a museum, but it would be so much more convenient to have it in your home, wouldn’t it ladies and gentlemen?” Garnering a few laughs from his last sentence, the barker cleared his throat before continuing. “Bidding will start at three hundred thousand.”

“Three hundred thousand,” David said, lifting his sign.

“Three hundred fifty thousand,” came another bid from a man a few rows up.

“Four hundred fifty thousand,” rang out the voice of a woman somewhere behind him.

“Five hundred thousand,” sounded a familiar voice, and David glanced over to see Lester holding up his sign in the center section of seats.

“We have five hundred thousand on D13, any higher?”

“Five hundred twenty-five thousand,” David bid.

“Five hundred seventy-five thousand,” the woman from before called.

“Six hundred thousand,” Lester bid.

“Six hundred fifty thousand,” David retorted.

“Seven hundred thousand,” Lester shot back.

“Seven hundred fifteen thousand,” David called.

“Seven hundred twenty thousand.”

“Seven hundred thirty-five thousand.”

“Seven hundred forty thousand.”

“Seven hundred fifty thousand.”

“Eight hundred thousand,” Lester said with finality.

“We have eight hundred thousand,” the barker announced. “Any higher? Going once… Going twice…” David sat back in his seat. “Sold to the man in D13.” With a bang from the man’s gavel, a great murmur went up throughout the theatre as the event came to a close.

--

“Hey, what are you doing back here?” a gruff voice called.

“Oh, me?” David called back. “I was… looking for someone.”

“That would probably be me, wouldn’t it David?” Lester said, stepping out from behind a curtain.

“Actually, I was,” David replied. “You wouldn’t mind if I took one last look at the Pillar up-close, to give my day something of a silver lining.” Lester chuckled and motioned to the much larger man beside him, who wheeled out the pedestal that held the Pillar for David to see. David leaned in to inspect the specimen, and as he did he heard a voice in the back of his head whisper, Confirmed. That’s definitely the Lost Logia, Nicholas. However, he also heard a number of footsteps coming from behind him, and straightened up as three more men came to surround him.

“Well then, David,” Lester mused, “why don’t you tell us who you’re ‘representing?’”

[Liingo]

Originally Posted by Satashi

^^ glad you liked. and yeah, all of the HP story that I have is posted....I sorta kinda..... never finished it. T_T but if you want what of chapter 12 I have I can PM it to you.

No, no thats fine for now... I still have another 10 chapters of it to read...

Originally Posted by Satashi

Caro knows how to do it but she doesn't really understand what it is. Lutecia on the other hand..... She knows what she is doing @_@ And she isn't shy about it, which makes Caro try even harder......although she's doing things she doens't fully understand yet ( which is cute :3) and Elio doesn't really understand it either, although he's going to start to.

Spoiler for Elio hits puberty like a brick wall.:

Caro bent over to pick up the small amount of change that fell from her purse, unintentinally giving Elio a breif flash of her bright blue panties.

'Wow,' Elio thought, tilting his head a little to see better. 'That's really cute.' Upon thinking this he instantly stood bolt upright, face glowing 'What in the world am I thinking!?'

"Elio?" Caro looked at him, moving her head to see his face better when he looked away. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing" He quickly grabbed his throat, but it was too late. Subaru had heard him.

"Elio, did your voice just break!?"

"N-no!"

"Hey, Tia, Fate-san! Elio's voice just cracked!"

Elio blushed more. "It did not!" He quickly clamped a hand over his mouth. Fate was instantly by his side, giving him a hug and allowing him to hide in her hair. 'Thank goodness... Fate-san understands me...

"Say something else?" She asked excitedly, almost hopping in place. " Iwant to hear it again! Ohhh my little boy is growing up! I'm so proud!"

The point of it was to let everyone know what the characters are doing so I didn't really ahve a choice about making them detailed. It was hard, though. to get it right amd make them match. Which terms did you not know?

About Arf, I think Nanoha would bind into her and Fate's contract a few years after they started dating and really understood everything. Afterall, Arf has to have magic from Fate just to survive, so if Fate died, Arf would eventually die as well ("In return for energy to let me live, I will protect her with my life").

Hayate/Yuuno is a simple relationship. Great friends for a long time: Hayate, going to lead her own division, probably needed to know ALOT about things before she could do it ( and you can't forget for about 10 years in her life she didn't even know about magic or military) so she probably relied heavily on Yuuno. He was there for her when she needed him, and she took care of him as well ( using her influence and threats of cosplay to get him funding if he needed it before he was well established)

So yeah, the two are great friends. Hayate recently realized that he was a male and has taken to flirting with him without knowing it. So far all she knows is it's a nice feeling with him around.

Yuuno on the other hand..... WEll, he's Yuuno. He probably won't think to make a move on her untill Nanoha spells it out for him. but that's what makes him so great. ( a nice contrast to bunnies)

Spoiler for Yuuno missed the brick wall for a few years...:

Nanoha looked up cheerfully when Yuuno's voice slipped into her head. "Yuuno-kun!" She sent to him telepathically. "you sound stressed, what's up?"

"Nanoha! I need help! I don't know what to do!"

"Calm down! what's wrong!?"

"Hayate is in her bed in some french maid type outfit and is giving me this..... LOOK.... like she is expecting something from me! And there are handcuffs and whip cream cans and even a whip!"

After Nanoha pulled herself up from the floor she gave him a nervous laugh. "Yuuno... she wants sex."

"Oh!"

"Have fun."

"Nanoha, wait!"

She sighed. "What now?"

"....What's sex?"

Fate looked at her fiancee witha confused look when she sudden tripped and hit the floor for the second time in under a minute.

(That's jsut for fun, not really part of anything :P Their relationship is going to be as slow as molassis)

Redemption:

Storyline: 40% done.

Spoiler for the main theme of 6th Division comes back!:

Nanoha glared at the person in front of her. "Do you know Tri-edge?"

"T-Tri-edge?"

The girl slapped her enemy across the wrist when he tried to reach for his weapon. "He's a legendary mage, shrouded in blue fire. They say mages defeated by him never cast magic again."

that was planned from the very beginning, and is hinted at throughout the series. One of the reasons I made S^4 is to reveal things like that, that most people just glance over without really understanding it.

Why did I just get a mental picture of Erio surrounded by all of them asking to hear more and Erio's waving Strada around to keep them away......

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be frustrated at Yuuno or cheering that he's going to become a man.....

Originally Posted by Nightengale

Repost from OC thread...Funny that it should be here instead of there, but I guess I'm more attached there than here. :3

Spoiler for Fated Souls : Part 3:

Fate merely looked on sternly, paying close attention to Jail so much, even behind blindfolds; he could feel the intensity from her glare. Jail is only counting the minutes down before his perceived calm and collected image of hers break down as he went on…

“Even though they didn’t have their husband and father, they were a happy family.

A vibrant and brilliant young mother with a beautiful growing daughter...

Her daughter was everything to her. She loved her beyond everything else.

But fairy tale endings are like an inverse mirror…like a karma, they seem to bite back at reality.”

The moment Jail said reality, Fate tensed up as the story, despite only being only so similar to one that she experienced herself…or rather possessed memories of. And to the notion that the story he’s telling is real… Fate felt a something rise inside her, as she continued to silently listen… this time fully attentive.

Meanwhile, Jail was glad for once that he was blindfolded. Restricted by light, he wasn’t constrained on his image of Fate, as he slowly envisions her slowly crumbling…It is only a little more now for his story to reach its climax point…

“Starting from this point is where I actually had hands-on experience with this story, so there might be…misinterpretations and bias so to speak. I apologize if I might sound offensive.

One day, that young mother was involved in a typical incident… A technical recurring idiocy of modern science, the demand of results over stability. It’s a wonder how people never learn from mistakes, do they? From my experience, its one thing to mess around, but one shouldn’t do so unless they’re confident.

That incident caused the death of her daughter. It was a most painful way to die… deprived of oxygen, she must’ve slowly gasped for her breath as her biological clock ticks, as her bodily organs and her blood stream struggle for whatever life is there…

It’s sad, isn’t it…how life extinguishes itself because of itself?

“…Is there a meaning to this, Scaglietti?” Fate asked, her usually calm yet stern voice in face of enemies, was slightly wavering, as every sentence of his story brought out a sense of murkiness in her stomach…of a memory she doesn’t possess. It was almost unnoticeable from her usual voice, but Jail was perceptive to everything he could rely on his senses for… as he was only counting the seconds now…

“Not really. Like I said, it’s just a story to pass time. Surely an enforcer like you must’ve come across a sob story or 2 in your career… People like me are dime a dozen after all.

Hmm… what was that little girl’s name again? If I wasn’t mistaken, it was Anise, or Alice…or Alicia.”

He could imagine something inside her snap at this moment, as he heard a loud sound next to his ear... as Fate, her red eyes repulsed back at the mention of Alicia, like the veins of the blood at its peak, as she slammed Bardiche head-on just millimeters away from Jail’s neck. And yet Jail was still smiling, not remotely threatened by what she was doing.

“You… were involved with that incident?”

“Now what could you talking about now? That all-too-sudden attack must’ve jogged up something in my mind…like I said, I was only telling a story I’ve heard from a fellow friend.”

“Answer me…Jail Scaglietti!”

This time, Fate directly held Bardiche point-first to Jail’s head, giving him the mental and physical pressure towards him... She tried to calm down, but the thought that the man in front of him…could be responsible for what had caused her mother to grief towards instability, be responsible for Alicia’s death…for everything…

“You seemed to have mistaken something…puppet of Precia.”

“!!!”

“I never once said…I am Jail Scaglietti.”

~~~

“Hey, did you hear that?”

The 2 pilots of the helicopter, calming handling and maneuvering the flight controls of the transportation armored copter, Storm Armor… They were taking it easy, despite transporting a first rate criminal… as they were being protected by a first rate enforcer as well.

“Yeah…sound like the poor fool’s being interrogated.”

They spoke to one another casually. Then, one of them asked a particular question.

“Have you ever heard of the saying… a pen is mightier than a sword?”

“Can’t say I have.”

“I don’t blame you. It’s a saying from the 97th Unadministrated World… also known as Earth. It means that sometimes, intelligence and smarts are a much greater weapon than simply strength and power.”

“I see… that’s quite crafty with words.”

The pilot who questioned smiled at the other’s response, a light-hearted discussion about non-literal teachings of word plays and morals… however, he then pulled out a pen from his sleeve as he continued speaking…this time, with a different tone.

“However, they’ve made one mistake… Sometimes, a pen really is mightier than a sword, literally.” As he said that, he pulled out the cap of the pen, flickering, playing around with it.

“What do you-“

The other pilot, without warning, just held the pen; point-first as he thrusted the sharp point of the pen towards the veins of his neck, and from that small point, blood came pouring out like a fountain of red as the attacker let go of his pen, grabbing his face as he dislocated his jaw with a snapping sound and his other hand, choking him with his fingers nicely affirmed at 2 spots just slightly above his neck, preventing him from making any noticeable sound… as he died seconds later.

“It’s so much more convenient to kill with a pen. Don’t you agree?”

The pilot smirked, as his face was slightly covered in the little blood that spurted on him from when he killed his co-pilot. He then proceeded to mess a little with the flight controls, as he pressed a few buttons… as he changed the speed and altitude control of the copter.

“I wouldn’t mind staying longer to amuse you further, but looks like that’ll have to wait, Fate Testarossa.”

~~~

“What do you-“

As Fate was about to question the words of the man who claimed to not be Jail, the helicopter shook heavily as it was dropping down, turning around in a high speed, Fate quickly held on to a handle as she prevented herself from being drowned in the massive inertia imbalance, while Jail, eyes blinded and arms bounded were less lucky, as his body flew back and slammed the helicopter wall, falling unconscious.

The cockpit door opened, as Fate saw a pilot slowly walking out, holding the walls of the copter, alone as he was slightly covered in blood…while another pilot was lying in the cockpit, dead as blood flowed furiously from his neck…

“What happened?” Fate shouted as she asked the reason of this literal turn of events, plummeting this helicopter downwards.

“I don’t know…the control suddenly failed as the internal machineries broke down… my co-pilot was shot with some shrapnel from the malfunction…he….has…”

His voice stopped, as he looked at Fate with a saddened look, turning his head away… Fate understood his silence, as she motioned him along with the battered, unconscious body of Jail. “Hang on tight…Bardiche!”

[Yes Sir. Breaking by Force of Photon Lancer.]

As Fate pointed Bardiche towards the helicopter hatch, she blast apart it apart as a gust of wind blew in, hitting all of them hard as Fate then quickly leaped and flew out of the helicopter as fast as she did, the pilot holding on to her near her abdomen, while she used her spare hand to grab the binded Jail, flying down smoothly away from the helicopter as she landed on the ground.

What soon accompanied was a loud crashing sound, followed by an explosion…as the helicopter hit the ground and burned in an explosive clash with the hard ground… Fate looked on to site of the explosion as she showed a look of sadness, not being able to save the other pilot…as she then quickly turned and inspected the other survivor, and Jail.

“Are you all right?”

“I’m fine…” So he said, but he was clearly dizzy and shaken from everything that happened, and Fate placed her hands on his shoulder as she motioned him to sit down…

She looked at Jail, as she checked his pulse…he’s knocked his head, bleeding… but he’s fine. She then quickly opened up an intercom as she called out for an emergency distress signal from the nearest hospital…

“A civilian hospital… Looks like it’ll have to do.”

Several minutes later…an ambulance hovered over as Fate got into it, placing Jail into an emergency bed, though with restraints for extra precaution… while the pilot sat at the back, a wet towel covering his head… his breathing appearing to be ragged, and yet…

Under that towel hid a smirk that looked like it came from the depths of the most sinister trickster… as he flickered and moved his fingers a little bit, speaking in a very very low voice…

“Not bad at all… the percentage of fat is low, the proportions are well developed… the flexibility of the flesh is just perfect…

Looks like I can never cease to be amused by you, Fate Testarossa.”

I can't say that I like the pairing that your pushing but the way the story is being developed is a masterpiece..

Originally Posted by EnigmaticThief

Hehe. That was a lot of fun to read, Satashi. The general formula of seeing how certain relationships progressed or began while others are explaining their own was an entertaining trip. I think you depicted Signum and Shamal very well, along with Yuuno and Hayate.

As for myself, here's the initial part of a fic I'm planning out, although I'm not quite sure of how I want to develop it after the first few chapters, depending on whether I end up creating more OCs or not. Well, in any case, here's the first chapter of what I've titled, Interpretation.

Spoiler for Interpretation:

Chapter 1

The atmosphere was thick inside the hotel lobby. Many in the gaggle of attendees were smoking, a problem only somewhat alleviated by a nearby open window that allowed in a small breeze. It was a rare treasure in this stuffy city that some might treasure more than even what was going on auction in a short while. Leaning against the wall to the immediate left of that window was a young man in his early twenties dressed in a neat black suit. Holding a small plate of finger-food in front of him, one might see a brief green flash from his cuffs. Although the majority of people were gathered in the center of the hall, something kept this man glued to that wall. Glancing across the room, he saw another batch of hors d’oeurves being brought in from the kitchen, the double-doors swinging not to far away from the entrance to the small theatre where the action would be held. Deciding that he might as well partake of more of the local specialties, the young man pulled himself away from the wall and walked over towards a buffet. Navigating through society men and debutantes, he spied a plate of cheeses, but before he reached it he felt a hand grip his shoulder. Fighting back instinct, the young man turned slowly to meet the gaze of a spindly middle-aged man in a pin-striped number.

“Can I help you?” the young man asked, locking eyes with the elder.

“Just saying hello, friend,” he replied, taking his hand back before extending it in a shake. “Name’s Lester Cartwright.”

“David Laird,” he responded, shaking the other man’s hand in a hearty grip. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You don’t look like a reporter, David. I take it you’re here to bid. How’d someone as young as you get that much cash to throw away?”

“That’s my secret, Mr. Cartwright.”

“Come now; I like to know a bit about my opponent beforehand.”

“Well,” David began, “I’ll just say that I’m representing someone, and leave it at that.”

“As a matter of fact, so am I,” Lester replied. Before David could say another word a chime rang out over the lobby’s sound system. With this the crowd turned towards the theatre and began filing in. David presented his ticket to an attendant and received a small sign bearing his seat number in large font before sitting down. Saying brief hellos to the patrons around him, he once again felt that creeping uneasiness set in as he was surrounded by humanity. In due course the auction began; an exhibition of rare and expensive jewelry. David simply sat back for the first few items, until the barker announced that the day’s star attraction would be next. Leaning forward in his seat, he spied a dark pedestal being wheeled in from off-stage, and on top was his reason for being here.

“Here you have it, ladies and gentlemen,” the announcer proclaimed, “tonight’s main event: The Archous Pillar. As you might suspect, this rarity comes all the way from the Archous Wastes, and was only recently excavated. Note the distinctive metal trim at each end that complements its dark body, yet mysteriously shows no signs of construction. This beauty should be in a museum, but it would be so much more convenient to have it in your home, wouldn’t it ladies and gentlemen?” Garnering a few laughs from his last sentence, the barker cleared his throat before continuing. “Bidding will start at three hundred thousand.”

“Three hundred thousand,” David said, lifting his sign.

“Three hundred fifty thousand,” came another bid from a man a few rows up.

“Four hundred fifty thousand,” rang out the voice of a woman somewhere behind him.

“Five hundred thousand,” sounded a familiar voice, and David glanced over to see Lester holding up his sign in the center section of seats.

“We have five hundred thousand on D13, any higher?”

“Five hundred twenty-five thousand,” David bid.

“Five hundred seventy-five thousand,” the woman from before called.

“Six hundred thousand,” Lester bid.

“Six hundred fifty thousand,” David retorted.

“Seven hundred thousand,” Lester shot back.

“Seven hundred fifteen thousand,” David called.

“Seven hundred twenty thousand.”

“Seven hundred thirty-five thousand.”

“Seven hundred forty thousand.”

“Seven hundred fifty thousand.”

“Eight hundred thousand,” Lester said with finality.

“We have eight hundred thousand,” the barker announced. “Any higher? Going once… Going twice…” David sat back in his seat. “Sold to the man in D13.” With a bang from the man’s gavel, a great murmur went up throughout the theatre as the event came to a close.

--

“Hey, what are you doing back here?” a gruff voice called.

“Oh, me?” David called back. “I was… looking for someone.”

“That would probably be me, wouldn’t it David?” Lester said, stepping out from behind a curtain.

“Actually, I was,” David replied. “You wouldn’t mind if I took one last look at the Pillar up-close, to give my day something of a silver lining.” Lester chuckled and motioned to the much larger man beside him, who wheeled out the pedestal that held the Pillar for David to see. David leaned in to inspect the specimen, and as he did he heard a voice in the back of his head whisper, Confirmed. That’s definitely the Lost Logia, Nicholas. However, he also heard a number of footsteps coming from behind him, and straightened up as three more men came to surround him.

“Well then, David,” Lester mused, “why don’t you tell us who you’re ‘representing?’”

I like how it's developing. That's a cruel bit to leave us on though...
Keep it up.

[tshouryuu]

Originally Posted by USB500

Erio's grown up? I WANT TO READ IT! XD XD XD

Now where's the mask?

================

Updates on fanfic progress:

A's Combat Zero
Current work: chapter 1
Progress: 45%
Notes: I'm still trying to imagine how the intercept mission would look like in Nanoha Universe style. As usual, it's writers' block issues here.

The Whistling Gale: Lyrical of Time
Current work: chapter 2
Progress: 30%
Notes: I'm having a real problem depicting Yuuno's days as Chief Librarian. Apart from that, it's basically writers' block.

Diary of a Windtalker
Current work: Charter 5, Part II
Progress: nil
Notes: haven't started any real works on it yet.

What about Cinderella? I'm dying of anticipation here.

[USB500]

Originally Posted by tshouryuu

What about Cinderella? I'm dying of anticipation here.

I forgot Poland Cinderella again.

Current work: chapter 5
Progress: nil
Notes: haven't started working on yet, although some of the materials are already used for this chapter.

p/s: might be having more Ginga/Shamal/Shamisen moments and...... Fate going off-character?

[tshouryuu]

Originally Posted by USB500

I forgot Poland Cinderella again.

Current work: chapter 5
Progress: nil
Notes: haven't started working on yet, although some of the materials are already used for this chapter.

p/s: might be having more Ginga/Shamal/Shamisen moments and...... Fate going off-character?

Progress: nil? [vader]NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!![/vader]

[Reifu]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Fate will have to have "The talk" with him.... And Fate's gay so she doesn't really know much about men sexually, so she turns to Nanoha, who's bi...... but has only been with a girl...... so she turns to Yuuno, who knows everything about it since he's a guy as well...... he's jsut still a virgin.

It's going to be fun.

Hahahahaha, this passage really made me laugh IRL.

[BPHaru]

I have read S^4, really I wasn’t expecting something so elaborated and with such a plot, all the stories were sequential, I’m very pleased for this, good job as always.

Spoiler:

“Fate-san will be twenty as well?” Tia pondered.
“She'll be eleven.” Nanoha replied absently in thought.

I don’t know if this chapter was supposed to be touching, but I felt very sad when I read that part… Just now I realized that, since she was created as a copy of Alicia, she don’t have the age she appears, she completely lost the first years of her life… and probably it’s the same for Erio and Vivio...
Noooo my cute Vivio T_T

About Hayate/Yuuno, you’re developing their relation very well, as someone said before, slowly and naturally, even if I know Hayate/Yuuno have nothing to do with the official plot, I can feel your characters being the same from the series, they make a cute couple, especially for Yuuno being so dense and for Hayate embarrassing easily. I don’t know what you have done Sa-nyan but you converted my in a supporter of this unusual pairing.

I was surprised of seeing the cute Paya-Paya being used in your fic xD
This expression is quite unique, but I use it as a verb instead of as an adjective like in your fic, maybe you can adopt it as your trademark for this kind of fic =o

Caro imitating Fate was way too cute, those 3 are too funny together.

Spoiler:

Fate laughed happily. “I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Believe it or not, we're not bunnies like everyone thinks. We make love once a week, sometimes none

Lol
Sorry Fate-chan, but I don’t trust you, next time be a bit more honest and forget your shyness, like when you’re alone with Nanoha

Spoiler for Rebirth chaper 4:

Nanoha fell back on her bed and sighed out. “We haven’t made love in three days, I’m going through withdrawal.”
“Three days? That has to be some sort of record when we’re together, miss bunny.”

Miss bunny C_C

Originally Posted by Satashi

Spoiler for Yuuno missed the brick wall for a few years...:

Nanoha looked up cheerfully when Yuuno's voice slipped into her head. "Yuuno-kun!" She sent to him telepathically. "you sound stressed, what's up?"

"Nanoha! I need help! I don't know what to do!"

"Calm down! what's wrong!?"

"Hayate is in her bed in some french maid type outfit and is giving me this..... LOOK.... like she is expecting something from me! And there are handcuffs and whip cream cans and even a whip!"

After Nanoha pulled herself up from the floor she gave him a nervous laugh. "Yuuno... she wants sex."

"Oh!"

"Have fun."

"Nanoha, wait!"

She sighed. "What now?"

"....What's sex?"

Fate looked at her fiancee witha confused look when she sudden tripped and hit the floor for the second time in under a minute.

ROFL
WIN!
Maybe this isn’t serious enough for Redemption, but you should write that! I want to know what is happening next, maybe in S^4? Or even you can write an independent fic.

Well, it’s around 4:15 AM here, I’m going to sleep, please don’t let 2 or 3 selfish fans to dishearten you.



Saludos, Haru

[Nightengale]

Bwahahahahahaha! Repost from OC thread!

Spoiler for Fated Souls : FINAL:

It wasn’t long later that the ambulance arrived at the hospital as the nurses rushed Jail on the emergency hospital bed to the intensive care unit, to take care of his head’s severe bleeding and also to ascertain his condition as Fate followed them closely… Even though Jail was in such a situation, there’s no telling what he has up his sleeves, even more so if that helicopter malfunction was caused by him, not to mention… those words he spoke, couldn’t leave her mind.

“I never once said…I am Jail Scaglietti.”

She recalled back from when she first blasted into the laboratory, captured him, and talked to him… true, he never once claimed himself to be Jail, but at the same time, he didn’t deny it either. As Fate was confused in her thoughts, the other injured, the pilot went off, escorted by a nurse as he went to see a doctor to check for any concussions or flight sickness, as there were no physical outside injury. Fate hoped in her heart that he would be fine, after what happened to the other pilot…

~~~

“You seem to be fine. There doesn’t seem to be any sickness, and there’s no injury either. A day’s rest should do fine.”

The doctor finished examining the pilot as he signed some papers, planning to transcribe something. The pilot, looking slightly tired, then asked him…

“Are you absolutely sure that you’ve found nothing wrong with me, Doctor?”

His tone implied something else, but it eluded the fine doctor as he smilingly nodded, “Positive. I’m one of the best doctors here, so take my word for it.” He said that as he placed his hand on his chest, proud of what he said.

The pilot smiled as he extended out his hand for a handshake. The doctor respectfully accepts, and as their hands was close to touching, just a mere millimeter away…

“It sickens me that a 3rd rate like you could even be considered a Doctor.”

The hands met, as a ring shined on the pilot’s fingers, injecting something into the doctor’s fingers as all of a sudden, the doctor fell to the ground, his eyes open and fully conscious, but he couldn’t move a single muscle, not being able to make a single sound, as only his eyes and eyelids were the only things movable… as all of a sudden, he saw the pilot peeling off his face, and revealing a different face, hair and eyes altogether as the man in front of him had dark yellow eyes, and a purplish hair.

“To think that you couldn’t even tell that my skin was fake... even though it is a fine piece of work, any respectable physician should be able to note a difference… Looks like you need to be retrained.”

Jail then carried the body of the doctor as he placed him on the patient’s bed at the far end of the doctor’s room, and after making sure it’s all locked, he took out a scalpel from the doctor’s cabinet, as he started flicking around the sharp blade with it’s diamond coating.

“Allow me to show you how dissecting is done.”

“!!!!!!!!”

“You’re still conscious, so the pain will be there. But don’t worry; you probably wouldn’t last longer than 2 minutes, so it’ll be over quick. Take your precious time to see how it’s done.”

“!!!!!!!”

As Jail sinked in the edge of the blade into the doctor’s arms, an indescribable pain rushed through the doctor’s body, as he felt his skin being pierced layer by layer, cutting away his vessels, his cells, his skin…

And yet he couldn’t do so much as scream, as the torture went on.

~~~

Fate merely watched silently as the doctors were silently treating Jail, in the ICU unit as she watched from the observatory above. His life doesn’t seem to be in danger, and under anesthetics, there’s no way he could wake up quickly. Fate relaxed a little as she sat down, easing herself from all her tension from Jail’s taunts earlier… when all of a sudden, Jail’s eyes opened.

“What!?” The doctors gasped in shock, as almost instantly, Jail fumed from his mouth…his hair turning black, his eyes colors losing its shade of gold, reverting back to brown, as his facial skin corrodes, his body splattering, as if gasping for air, shaking crazily, as he dropped from the bed, face first to the floor. Fate quickly ran down to the place of incident as she questioned the doctors, “What happened?”

“We don’t know… it just happened all of a sudden.”

Fate rushed as she checked his pulse…seeing that it had stopped. She then turned the body over to see what happened, but what greets her was not anything she expected…

The face of Jail Scaglietti, had turned into the face of…that pilot. The pilot she saved when she flew away from the helicopter. That young pilot with his youthful looks and sad demeanor when he talked about his deceased co-pilot… It couldn’t be… as Fate recalled what the fake Jail said…

“I never once said…I am Jail Scaglietti.”

Realizing now, she quickly ran out of the unit as she ran as fast as she could through the hospital corridors, and upon reaching there, she blasted open the doctor’s room that the pilot was admitted into.

What greeted her was the not the pilot though, but rather the nauseous scent of blood looming, and circulating in the air, thick and morbid from the closed room, and the doctor, sitting on his chair nicely, his head down…

“Doctor?”

Fate asked as she reached out to touch the doctor who seemed to be unconscious…but as her finger so much flicked the body of that man all so slightly, a sound of snapping strings can almost be heard all around his body as his body dropped to the ground, in pieces.

Pieces of his fingers, meat, and flesh dropped to the ground as blood poured out from his body, like a meat flushing out from a bun. Intestines draped the floor, guts filling it, as chopped up pieces of the organs splatter all over the ground, juices of a corpse filling the entire floor of the room like a scene off a horror movie, a literal human meat house.

Feeling an extremely disgusting rush from her body, she quickly turned around as she vomited on sight, her breakfast, half-digested crawling out of her trachea and returned back… There was no doubt now…there is only one man alive sadistic and cruel enough to do this…Jail Scaglietti.

All of a sudden, Fate’s intercom opened up as a voice played in front of her, without images though…

“How did you like my work of art, Fate Testarossa? Not too bad, if I should say so myself. The smell left a lot to be desired, but that’s what a 5 minutes hack-job does even to perfectionist.”

The all too familiar voice, smug, arrogant, and sadistic…

“You’re a sick bastard, Jail Scaglietti.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment. So, how did you like my facial makeover of that other guy? It’s something I recently developed, a kind of gene-distortion tonic that allows someone’s physical appearance and even sound to be changed to exactly the way you wish it to be, additionally turning that person into a living puppet. The only weakness is that it alters the cells so badly, it kills after an hour. Did my ventriloquism skills impress you?”

Fate’s faced curled up in anger, her eyes showing a rage never seen before, as every single word spoken by him was tripping her in all the wrong ways… “I’ll definitely catch you, Jail…”

“You’re welcome to try as many times as you wish. I particular like you, so I’ll try to hospitable… I wouldn’t mind staying longer, but I have an appointment tonight, so until next time…Alicia.” So said Jail, as he cut off the transmission.
“Bardiche, replay back the audio transmission and try to capture any noticeable background sounds.”

[Yes Sir.]

As the audio was replayed…Fate and Bardiche noted a very vague sound of automobile engines running in the background… Fate thought then…an escape by car? Fate quickly ran out of the hospital room as she flew as fast as she could, surveying nearby roads of the hospital, making a connection to the HQ.

“HQ, this is Enforcer Fate Testorossa Harlaown… Sadly, Jail Scaglietti had managed to escape from capture, and is believed to have killed 2 officers and a civilian doctor. I request that a field surveillance and blockade be extended within a 10 mile range for any vehicles and transportation magical activities. Pay attention to a possible scent of blood. Additionally, send a few officers to the hospital to take care of the bodies.”

“Request accepted, Enforcer Harlaown.”

Following that conversation, Fate merely scoured the skies further as she tried to catch the sight of Jail…He couldn’t have gone far…

And he hasn’t gone far indeed.

~~~

“It’s surprising how everyone falls to the oldest tricks in the book.”

As Jail said that, he turned off the shower handle, as he slowly drabbed himself in a towel, drying himself up after a nice bath. He took out a book as he replayed his previous conversation with Fate, as he nicely added a very low automobile sound effect to the background. As he came out from the shower, it turns out that he was just 2 rooms away from where Fate found the doctor’s body, happily showering to cleanse himself of the bloody scent. He laughed lightly as he slowly dressed himself in his trademark clothes, a full set of coat, slacks, and his tie, alongside a doctor’s coat…

“I’ve had a nice meeting, a nice exercise, and a nice shower. I had a lot of fun, and it’s all thanks to you, Fate Testarossa. The next time we meet again… we’ll probably have a lot more fun.”

As Jail ended his little self-talk, he then casually walked out of the hospital showers, taking each step slowly and nicely like a regular doctor walking the corridors of a hospital. Not a single nurse knew or noticed that he was in fact…an S-rank dimensional criminal who just caused the death of 3 men less than an hour ago, as he walked playfully, reaching out the front gate of the hospital… as he passed 2 TSAB officers like it was nothing, without a single care or worry.

“Huh…? Nah, it can’t be.” The TSAB officer shook his head, as he thought he noticed someone strangely similar to the descriptions given… but shook the thought off, as there’s no way the criminal who was supposed to be escaping by car, could be walking out of the scene of the crime like a normal doctor.

As he walked out further and further to the highways, walking on the side of the road, cars and vehicles passing…he opened up his book as the image of Uno appeared on the page of the book, acting as an intercom.

“Are you all right, Doctor?” She asked worryingly, through her monotone voice as if not caring, but Jail could sense her uneasiness.

“I’m perfectly fine. In fact, I’ve never been better. I got a lot more fun that I bargained for… plus, later tonight…” He answered, dropping a mischievous tone at the last phrase.

“That’s… Do you need Sein or Treis to go pick you up, Doctor?”

“No, TSAB’s probably fixed up a small vehicle blockade and sensors for magical activities... Your sisters won’t be detected, but it’s still safer that I walk. Besides, it’s only an hour away.”

“All right then… Do you need anything else?”

“I see… ready a few glasses and a bottle of wine when I come back. A 97th Unadministrated World kind… the 1632 vintage Cidera from Chateau d' Jacques…

Made from apples of a beautiful crimson red... that shines golden like lightning.”

[EnigmaticThief]

Originally Posted by Liingo

I like how it's developing. That's a cruel bit to leave us on though...
Keep it up.

Sorry about the cliffhanger, Liingo. But, the action should be starting up soon enough.

[Fuyu no Sora]

Originally Posted by BPHaru

please don’t let 2 or 3 selfish fans to dishearten you.

I wouldn't say it's only 2 or 3 selfish fans, there were about 6-7 if my memory is correct. And I daresay you're amongst one of them.

[BPHaru]

Originally Posted by Fuyu no Sora

I wouldn't say it's only 2 or 3 selfish fans, there were about 6-7 if my memory is correct. And I daresay you're amongst one of them.

Fuyu-chan, I don't think we should keep with this discussion… but no, not all the 6 or 7 were selfish and impolite, and I wasn’t there either.

Saludos, Haru

[Ryuya]

Apparently I'm pretty late, but I'll still say something:

Satashi don't let a bunch of spoiled kids discourage you from your work. If they wanna whine like some little brats that didn't get what they asked their mommy for, let them be and ignore them. It's better if you simply let them whine as much as they want and just keep writing what you like. Whatever comes to your mind, you should write. Like Fu-chan stated before, we've both read all your fics and like them for what they are, not necessarily for who's with who in the story. So keep writing, not only for the fans, but for yourself as well. Those who support you no matter what you write, are your true fans.

On a lighter note: I absolutely loved the Side Story you posted yesterday ^^ It was really well done (like all your works) and the interactions were very nice ^^. Chrono's reactions were priceless and the Hayate/Yuuno moments were very nicely done. I really like that paring and I'll hope they'll end up together .

I have some questions though: What's up with Fate and her sleeping habits? Why does she get nightmares when she's in the middle of the bed? And why does she need to sleep against the wall?

Sorry for all the questions (maybe they're something I missed ><) but I've always wondered about the 'sleeping against the wall' part

[Fuyu no Sora]

Originally Posted by BPHaru

Fuyu-chan, I don't think we should keep with this discussion… but no, not all the 6 or 7 were selfish and impolite, and I wasn’t there either.

Saludos, Haru

Fine, fine. I'll let it be. And I know you weren't amongst them because you didn't post a review.........

Anyway, where is everyone? There have barely been posts today...... Sleeping in perhaps?

[BPHaru]

Originally Posted by Ryuya

On a lighter note: I absolutely loved the Side Story you posted yesterday ^^ It was really well done (like all your works) and the interactions were very nice ^^. Chrono's reactions were priceless and the Hayate/Yuuno moments were very nicely done. I really like that paring and I'll hope they'll end up together .

I totally forgot to mention that, Kyon Chrono and Arf making an apparition in your fic was a total WIN
I missed both of them T_T

Off Topic: the other day I noticed the seiyu for Amy is the same as Tsuruya (from Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu), and if Chrono is Kyon, that means… =o

Saludos, Haru

[Fuyu no Sora]

Originally Posted by BPHaru

Off Topic: the other day I noticed the seiyu for Amy is the same as Tsuruya (from Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu), and if Chrono is Kyon, that means… =o

Saludos, Haru

I also forgot about Arf @Satashi-san: That was a very nice addition to the fic ^^

You've got to be kidding me >< If Haruhi ever knows that, then we'll be seeing a loooooot of Celestials

[BPHaru]

Originally Posted by Fuyu no Sora

I also forgot about Arf @Satashi-san: That was a very nice addition to the fic ^^

You've got to be kidding me >< If Haruhi ever knows that, then we'll be seeing a loooooot of Celestials

LOL
That looks like a nice idea for a cross over
Lone Wolf’s style!

Saludos, Haru

[Fuyu no Sora]

Originally Posted by BPHaru

LOL
That looks like a nice idea for a cross over
Lone Wolf’s style!

Saludos, Haru

You're kidding >< If Haruhi unleashes Celestials and Lone Wolf's the one doing the crossover, then all hell will break loose @@

Speaking of which: Oi USB, how's the writing going? I want more Prince Yuuno and male audience roaring in approval

[Satashi]

Spoiler for looooooooooong:

Originally Posted by Reifu

Hahahahaha, this passage really made me laugh IRL.

woot, LOLing IRL= always a good sign! I was going for that, so I'm glad I achieved it.

Originally Posted by BPHaru

I have read S^4, really I wasn’t expecting something so elaborated and with such a plot, all the stories were sequential, I’m very pleased for this, good job as always.

It didn't really have a plot other than eating around a campfire and talking, it just had a purpose to show things people didn't notice. My alternate universe is VERY deep with things, but most will never know. I'm trying to make sure people really understand how much has gone into these stories ( which most don't ).

Originally Posted by BPHaru

Spoiler:

“Fate-san will be twenty as well?” Tia pondered.
“She'll be eleven.” Nanoha replied absently in thought.

I don’t know if this chapter was supposed to be touching, but I felt very sad when I read that part… Just now I realized that, since she was created as a copy of Alicia, she don’t have the age she appears, she completely lost the first years of her life… and probably it’s the same for Erio and Vivio...
Noooo my cute Vivio T_T

Yes it was, in some points. Although it's offical Fate didn't live the first 9 years of her life, it's unique in my story that she says she's only 11 and that her birthday is the day her and Nanoha became friends. Another one of those things people wouldn't know unless I made this story. It's the same with Erio, and that's plot in Redemption.

Originally Posted by BPHaru

About Hayate/Yuuno, you’re developing their relation very well, as someone said before, slowly and naturally, even if I know Hayate/Yuuno have nothing to do with the official plot, I can feel your characters being the same from the series, they make a cute couple, especially for Yuuno being so dense and for Hayate embarrassing easily. I don’t know what you have done Sa-nyan but you converted my in a supporter of this unusual pairing.

I don't like the idea of them being the same in the series, but I'm glad you like the pairing anyway. For some reason everyone points out Yuuno/Hayate more than anything else.... Which is really weird considering I only wrote them in passing with hints, and only full blown made it obvious when Rein said something about it. (If you'll recall, when Fate proposed to Nanoha, they two were dancing together :P, and also on missions, Hayate asked Yuuno to sit next to her and help lead....and also made a dinner date with him -which they did go on btw-)

Originally Posted by BPHaru

I was surprised of seeing the cute Paya-Paya being used in your fic xD
This expression is quite unique, but I use it as a verb instead of as an adjective like in your fic, maybe you can adopt it as your trademark for this kind of fic =o

"Paya-paya" was first heard by me..... several years ago when I was in CCS. I used it a few times in my other works as well. I like the word.

Originally Posted by BPHaru

Caro imitating Fate was way too cute, those 3 are too funny together.

Spoiler:

Fate laughed happily. “I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Believe it or not, we're not bunnies like everyone thinks. We make love once a week, sometimes none

Lol
Sorry Fate-chan, but I don’t trust you, next time be a bit more honest and forget your shyness, like when you’re alone with Nanoha

Spoiler for Rebirth chaper 4:

Nanoha fell back on her bed and sighed out. “We haven’t made love in three days, I’m going through withdrawal.”
“Three days? That has to be some sort of record when we’re together, miss bunny.”

Miss bunny C_C

That was at the begining, and around that time they did mate like bunnies, but later when work got ahold of them they just didn't have time. You can picture them as much as you want, tho.

Originally Posted by Ryuya

Apparently I'm pretty late, but I'll still say something:

Satashi don't let a bunch of spoiled kids discourage you from your work. If they wanna whine like some little brats that didn't get what they asked their mommy for, let them be and ignore them. It's better if you simply let them whine as much as they want and just keep writing what you like. Whatever comes to your mind, you should write. Like Fu-chan stated before, we've both read all your fics and like them for what they are, not necessarily for who's with who in the story. So keep writing, not only for the fans, but for yourself as well. Those who support you no matter what you write, are your true fans.

On a lighter note: I absolutely loved the Side Story you posted yesterday ^^ It was really well done (like all your works) and the interactions were very nice ^^. Chrono's reactions were priceless and the Hayate/Yuuno moments were very nicely done. I really like that paring and I'll hope they'll end up together .

I have some questions though: What's up with Fate and her sleeping habits? Why does she get nightmares when she's in the middle of the bed? And why does she need to sleep against the wall?

Sorry for all the questions (maybe they're something I missed ><) but I've always wondered about the 'sleeping against the wall' part

XD again, people point out Yuuno/Hayate. What have I done? T_T Jena's gonna kill me>.< Although I said it before, it bears repeating..... I don't like Hayate/Yuuno outside of my universe. they just don't seem to click for me, but in 6th Division they seem to be naturally drawn together. I think it's become offical, they will have screen time in Redemption (and right now, Tia and Subaru are sorta the main characters but Nanoha/Fate have almost equally as big of a role.).

Fate's sleeping patters are what's left over from where Precia used to abuse her. In my story, her background is her not really being scared of Precia, but scared of what she does. So when she sleeps she would press her back ( which most fanfic authors claim her back is where Fate's scars are, although I disagree) against the wall to make sure nothing can get her from behind. The sleeping pattern stayed with her through the years. Think of a safety blanket people have. Alot of people have some small little thing they keep around. a 4-leaf clover, a lucky rock, a stuffed animal, a lucky number, a special watch, ect. Fate's safty blanket is making sure nothing can get her from behind when she's sleeping. When this is taken from her ( laying in middle of bed) she has nightmares. She can only sleep against the wall, or when Nanoha is hugging her from behind.

Also, I didn't work this in, but Nanoha and Fate normally don't cuddle on the bed. Nanoha sleeps on her back and Fate on her side. Fate stays still and Nanoha tosses and turns, and also snores rather loudly (okay, really loudly..... she's woken herself up from snoring so loud before...another quirk she has in my universe) . Fate humms in her sleep.

Originally Posted by Fuyu no Sora

Fine, fine. I'll let it be. And I know you weren't amongst them because you didn't post a review.........

Anyway, where is everyone? There have barely been posts today...... Sleeping in perhaps?

Today is the day TRansformers the Movie comes out. I'd asume they're all watching it.

[Reifu]

Originally Posted by Satashi

XD again, people point out Yuuno/Hayate. What have I done? T_T Jena's gonna kill me>.< Although I said it before, it bears repeating..... I don't like Hayate/Yuuno outside of my universe. they just don't seem to click for me, but in 6th Division they seem to be naturally drawn together. I think it's become offical, they will have screen time in Redemption (and right now, Tia and Subaru are sorta the main characters but Nanoha/Fate have almost equally as big of a role.).

Just the way I felt about this pair as well (as I think I wrote in my review). I never would have paired them together, but for some reason they really click in your universe. I think you should be honored that so many people really like them despite it being quite the unusual paring, it shows that people are able to really get into your stories and form new opinions based on what you write. ^^

...and yay for some more Tia/Subaru!

[Satashi]

^^ I'm glad people enjoy my universe I guess it is kinda spiffy that people like couples in it but not outside as well.....Never thought about it too much.


Because I don't know when Redemption will come out ( as I'm not in the mood for N/F still) I'll give a small teaser again from chapter 1. I really just wanted an edscuse to play with my new Midchildra toy lol.

Spoiler for Raising Heart:

Hayate looked at the small gem infront of her and tried again. "Raising Heart, please repeat the last spell cast."

"Error: Data lost" It replied instantly, yet again.

"Raising Heart," Yuuno leaned forward. "Please, Nanoha is in trouble and we need you to tell us anything you can."

"Error: Data lost"

The man rubbed his temples. "Raising Heart, can you give me the name of the last spell, even if you can't reproduce it?"

"Yes."

Hayate leaned forward. "Well!?"

The small gem flashed letters across it's surace, unable to speak them from her corrupt files, but still able to display it's text: