AnimeSuki Forums

Gamer_2k4 · 2012-02-14, 16:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hera

Two questions for everybody who got a bf/gf or wife/husband from the Internet: How far was the distance between you two? How often did you meet before you settled down?

My girlfriend and I live about an hour away from each other, but we make a point to get together at least once a week. She'll move up where I live if she can find a job there, though.

Stiletto · 2012-02-14, 20:10

I've only dated people three or four states adjustant to mine. More or less the distance was insignificant compared to, let's say, over the sea and in the middle of another country.

I met up with two more than once, and about a couple of 'failed projects' in-between. I stopped being particularly bitter about the thing, though I can only speak about myself.

I don't have a lot of money, so the other party being willing to pull-in is a real dealmaker for me. It adds a lot of weight to the "I really like you, I'd like to meet you" thing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mystique

There's a 15page thread called Internet Relations:

Surprised how good the moderators are it hasn't been merged already.

Endless Soul · 2012-02-14, 21:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hera

Two questions for everybody who got a bf/gf or wife/husband from the Internet: How far was the distance between you two? How often did you meet before you settled down?

My wife and I lived about 15 miles away from each other when we met online. We had lots of dates. In fact, our very first date included a session of racquetball.

Endless "Genki" Soul

Rising Dragon · 2012-02-14, 22:25

Of the few relationships I had, the longest-lasting one and most meaningful one was an online relationship, for both of us--there are still guys she knows in person that feel threatened by me due to how close we were. Infuriatingly enough, it was this bloody US economy that proved the biggest obstacle and the biggest reason why the relationship ended--we had reached that point where the distance needed to be closed, something that fiscally couldn't be done. I'm still not over the lass, though she seems to be moving on.

warita · 2012-02-15, 07:02

I read once a short study on long distance relationships. I think an online relationship is in most cases a long distance relationship, because to have an online relationship with your neighbour who lives just across the street makes little sense.

So basically, the study said, that a long distance relationship requieres a certain personality from both partners to work.... but if the partners are willing to maintain a long distance relationship, such a relationship tends to work better than a normal one.

Intuitively, we would think otherwise, right? We asume that the longing to see our partner would put stress on the relationship and the risk of meeting somebody else who lives in the same town is so much higher.

But here is the deal..... One of the main reasons why normal relationships tend to break up is that you are spending "too much" time with the other person, meaning you see his/her faults a lot sooner and especially if you live with him, because then the downsides of his personality starts getting on your nerves. You dont have that with a long distance relationship. You only see the other person once in a while and you gloss over the bad parts more readily... if you notice it at all.

The second secret about the success of long distance is the longing. If you can see the person you love anytime, then the novelty of it wears off pretty quickly. You dont appreciate the time you spend with him as much as if you only see him once in X weeks/months. The desire to see him, the longing and the good memories of the last time you saw him keep the relationship fresh and interesting..... and more importantly, the time you spend with him feels much more intense. In other words, long distance helps to keep passion in the relationship glowing!

Actually, what this can mean in a lot of cases is, that long distance can make a relationship work, that would under normal circumstances NOT work. And thats the pitfall of it too. So you have a long distance relationship with somebody for some time, there is love, there is passion, you decided to finally move together and then comes the desillusion.

Fortunately, I think this wont happen to me and my boyfriend. Apart from the fact that I love him, I am pretty realistic about his personality and I think I know him well enough to know that co living with him wont be a problem.

Paranoid Android · 2012-02-15, 07:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by warita

The second secret about the success of long distance is the longing. If you can see the person you love anytime, then the novelty of it wears off pretty quickly. You dont appreciate the time you spend with him as much as if you only see him once in X weeks/months. The desire to see him, the longing and the good memories of the last time you saw him keep the relationship fresh and interesting..... and more importantly, the time you spend with him feels much more intense. In other words, long distance helps to keep passion in the relationship glowing!

That works both ways, it's also much easier to go overboard and a lot of the affection is fueled by sheer isolation and being relieved of it. It's much more rushed to move into the same household with your long-distance partner than it is if you lived close by.

Living together for too long a period, (will not destroy but) it will severely decrease the quality and meaning of a marriage. Generally a bad idea. This kind of action is really common amongst couples to move in with each other. However divorce is becoming something almost every young person experiences which just doesn't seem right to me.

warita · 2012-02-15, 07:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paranoid Android

Living together for too long a period, (will not destroy but) it will severely decrease the quality and meaning of a marriage. Generally a bad idea. This kind of action is really common amongst couples to move in with each other. However divorce is becoming something almost every young person experiences which just doesn't seem right to me.

Ah that really depends. I think that these days people have a twisted idea of what marriage or love in general is about.

People mistankingly think, that when they find the right person, the crazy love they felt in the beginning of the relationship will never stop. And thats not how it works, the crazy passionate stage doesnt last forever and at some point, the grey everyday life takes over. And the problem is, that most people these days are either too immature or too selfish to understand that. So the moment the innitial passion starts wearing off and the first problems arise, they get desillusioned and start fighting with their partner and complaining things are not like they used to be.

This issue is further deteriorated with the increased selfsenteredness of the modern society. Most people think "me, me and me", they dont think "us" anymore. They also dont realize that a relationship is about finding compromises and mutual support, not that pink haze passionate love they felt in the beginning. It is sad really what is happening these days, but what can you do?

So yeah, it is like you said, divorce rates rising, people changing partners and breaking up for no good reason. There is no will to make things work, so if the partner doesnt conform to your idea of the relationship, the easiest thing is to dump him. Sad but true....

But then, it really is up to you what you make out of a relationship. There are still mature people in this world and when you look hard enough for them, you will find.

Ledgem · 2012-02-15, 13:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paranoid Android

Living together for too long a period, (will not destroy but) it will severely decrease the quality and meaning of a marriage. Generally a bad idea.

Sorry, Paranoid Android, but I completely disagree with you on this one. I don't see how you can make a statement about the quality and meaning of marriage like that.

It's anecdotal, but I lived with my wife (then-girlfriend) for many years before we were married. Did it make the wedding any less exciting, or did it make the commitment to marriage feel any cheaper? Absolutely not!

I'll tell you why it's a good idea. People these days seem to have all sorts of delusions about what a relationship is like. My personal bias is that they watch all of those trash shows in television and then think that life works out that way, but who knows what the cause really is? Regardless, when you live with someone, you're putting the relationship to the ultimate test. You're gauging life compatibility at that point. If you don't live together before getting married, then you go through that test once you're married. And let me tell you, having that ring on your finger does not magically make all relationship troubles go away, nor does it instantly transform you as a person. That compatibility is not guaranteed, and can lead to some adjustment pains for both people involved. If you're both truly dedicated to each other then you'll work it out... but you don't need to be married to be that committed, or to go through that trial.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paranoid Android

This kind of action is really common amongst couples to move in with each other. However divorce is becoming something almost every young person experiences which just doesn't seem right to me.

Correlation is not causation. If you ask me, divorce is becoming more common for other reasons. Women are feeling more empowered, and they are able to financially support themselves. Whereas women in the past would simply bear the burden of an unhappy relationship because they didn't really have much other choice, women today are under no such constraint.

I'd also imagine that people today are more selfish, don't know how to treat others with true respect, etc. etc. (other ramblings about degrading society), but the reality is that it's probably due almost entirely to the feminist movement and economic changes surrounding women.

Paranoid Android · 2012-02-15, 14:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ledgem

I'll tell you why it's a good idea. People these days seem to have all sorts of delusions about what a relationship is like. My personal bias is that they watch all of those trash shows in television and then think that life works out that way, but who knows what the cause really is? Regardless, when you live with someone, you're putting the relationship to the ultimate test. You're gauging life compatibility at that point. If you don't live together before getting married, then you go through that test once you're married. And let me tell you, having that ring on your finger does not magically make all relationship troubles go away, nor does it instantly transform you as a person. That compatibility is not guaranteed, and can lead to some adjustment pains for both people involved. If you're both truly dedicated to each other then you'll work it out... but you don't need to be married to be that committed, or to go through that trial.

I specifically said that living together for a long time before marriage a generally a bad idea.

I did not say it's wrong to live together before marriage. Yes, it is crucial for a serious and loving couple to be directly involved with each others daily life before they make a commitment. But that has its limits. I am specifically referring to the couples that have lived together for several years (your scenario). It decreases the meaning of a marriage because living together is one of the many associated changes to your life when you become married. But if you have already been living like a married couple for years, the excitement and expectations of the marriage (not the ceremony) are not nearly as satisfied. Like you said, people are spoiled by television. People blow up marriage to some spectacular thing in their mind and start questioning the reality of their marriage when it doesn't match their imagination. I don't know how you were immediately before and after your marriage but my personal experience with brides and grooms is extreme stress, self-questioning, doubts and instability. And that carries on after the marriage from something between a month and several years. An unsatisfactory marriage can easily become a cause for divorce for newly weds in that state.

You noted your own marriage experience as opposite of what I stated. However, my parents, my ex-gf parents, one of my previous neighbors, and a cousin all divorced with the same characteristics in their short-lived marriage. It's a commonly re-occuring pattern that I witnessed. And because of that, what you said hardly changes my opinion, but of course that could accumulate with other people's personal experiences and change.

Ledgem · 2012-02-15, 15:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paranoid Android

It decreases the meaning of a marriage because living together is one of the many associated changes to your life when you become married.

It takes away one of the "surprises" of marriage, I'll give you that, but I don't think it detracts from the meaning of marriage. Not by a long shot. And when I say "surprise" I don't necessarily mean it in the good kind of way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paranoid Android

But if you have already been living like a married couple for years, the excitement and expectations of the marriage (not the ceremony) are not nearly as satisfied.

I don't know - again, it sounds like all that you and I can provide are anecdotal examples, and that doesn't prove or disprove a thing.

However, what I'm partly getting from you is that expectation that marriage somehow makes things different. I will agree with some of what you said, then: even if my wife and I were unmarried, we would still be living and caring for one another as we are now. In that regard, marriage hasn't really changed much for us. However, I think that's a very superficial way of looking at things. The excitement and expectations that you're talking about aren't really about marriage, but about cohabiting. Whether that comes with or before marriage doesn't matter - it represents a progression of the relationship to an advanced stage. The "excitement" of it doesn't last forever, no matter when it happens in relation to marriage.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paranoid Android

I don't know how you were immediately before and after your marriage but my personal experience with brides and grooms is extreme stress, self-questioning, doubts and instability. And that carries on after the marriage from something between a month and several years. An unsatisfactory marriage can easily become a cause for divorce for newly weds in that state.

I didn't experience too much self-doubt before the marriage, but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't have thought of "woah, am I really doing this? Is this really the right thing to do?" And who wouldn't? It's not that I didn't love my wife or that I wasn't already planning to spend the rest of my life with her, but when you enter into a life-changing arrangement and make it binding, who wouldn't stress a bit over it? I'm sure there are a few, but I'd guess that they're pretty rare.

I don't mean to say that people who feel doubt, stress, anxiety, etc. over marriage shouldn't question their decision. Rather, I think it's a normal thing, completely understandable, and doesn't necessarily indicate that something is wrong.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paranoid Android

You noted your own marriage experience as opposite of what I stated. However, my parents, my ex-gf parents, one of my previous neighbors, and a cousin all divorced with the same characteristics in their short-lived marriage. It's a commonly re-occuring pattern that I witnessed. And because of that, what you said hardly changes my opinion, but of course that could accumulate with other people's personal experiences and change.

It's all anecdotal no matter what, and that only goes so far. I don't mean to say that just because my experience differs from yours, that you are absolutely wrong. I merely wanted to point out that what you said is not some absolute truth.

And I'll give a bit of a warning: it really sounds to me like you're hyping marriage up. Marriage is a big deal, it's a really wonderful thing, but as I said, nothing magically changes afterward. My own parents (also divorced, sadly - I guess you and I are on that boat together) failed in that regard, expecting that marriage would somehow magically right all wrongs in the relationship. Marriage is the progression and advancement of a relationship, but it is not some leap to another dimension.

Was some of the excitement from my own marriage removed by the fact that I wasn't moving in with my wife for the first time? Maybe. Did it feel like nothing had changed, or was there no excitement? Absolutely not! Society viewed us differently; various opportunities granted only to married individuals (and married students) opened up to us; and I could refer to her as "my wife" (and she to me as "my husband") when talking to others. Maybe it sounds stupid to some people, but that was a big deal to us. It was meaningful not because "it's marriage," but because it showed that we had built up a relationship and grown close enough that we reached this point, and we did it together.

Really, it is exciting. So to summarize, my personal opinion (and how I've played out my own relationship) is that all of the surprises and work should be done before marriage, which further guarantees that the marriage will be a strong one that lasts. Trust me, there's still plenty of excitement left afterward! I don't look down on people who want to leave surprises and potential work for after marriage, but as someone who has already been through one divorce (that of my parents), the prospect of playing it that way just seems too risky.

warita · 2012-02-15, 16:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ledgem

People these days seem to have all sorts of delusions about what a relationship is like. My personal bias is that they watch all of those trash shows in television and then think that life works out that way

I so agree with this. You are the first person to see it the same way as I. I formulated this theory a few times while discussing relationships with some of my friends and they all pretty much disagreed or looked unconvinced. But it is so true....

All we need to look at are hollywood romance movies, that are knitted always in the same pattern: a couple falls in love, a problem arises, BIG DRAMA and in the end they fall into each others arms and closing credits run". Such movies never show what the everyday life of that couple looks like... what happens when they run into financial problems or have screaming kids. People think life is one big romance movie and all they need to do is to find the right one and they will have that great romance ending.

But even if we discard hollywood and focus on the TV series production, it brings tears to the critical observers eye. Take the ever popular "Sex and the city".... what does this show teach us? It teaches is that: "It is fine to dump your partner anytime for any kind of reason, trivial or not. You dont like the way he combs his hair, you dont like the way he moans when making love to you? Girl you gotta dump him!!!"
And you are naive if you think, that watching crap like this doesnt influence you. The show wouldnt be this immensely popular, if it didnt appeal to a large audience, an audience that is assimilating ideas such as: there is no need for you to work on a relationship. You accept only the perfect partner. Any deviation from this shining ideal is a reason to break up!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ledgem

Correlation is not causation. If you ask me, divorce is becoming more common for other reasons. Women are feeling more empowered, and they are able to financially support themselves. Whereas women in the past would simply bear the burden of an unhappy relationship because they didn't really have much other choice, women today are under no such constraint.

I am pretty sure you didnt mean it the negative way.... but I would be a bit more careful how you phraze that in the future. Some more sensitive ladies could interpret it that you are blaming women for the divorce rate.

Th rising divorce rate is not only the consequence of the feministic movement and the economic independence of women, even though I agree it plays an important role in it. Lets not forget that the stigma of the divorce is a matter of the past now, so even men are free to divorce their wifes, if it pleases them.

You said you think that is not the degrading morals that are to blame for it, but the feminist movement. I dont quite agree with this..... I think that the degrading values AND the feminist movement have common roots.

Look at it this way.... an originally patriarchal society will only allow women to emancipate when the society in question reaches a certain wellfare. If the society is strugling with survival and needs to meet basic needs, then such eccentricities as female voting rights or possibility to divorce and such are irrelevant. So yes, the society must be well established, the basic needs of the society need to be taken care of and there must be a functioning social network.
BUT the richer a society is, the more independent are the individual members, because with an increased income, you become more independent of your family, your collegues and society in general.... and with that comes selfishness. So the richer the society, the more erroded the morals... and with that comes the unwillingness to work on a relationship. People are selfcentered, as simple as that.

Ledgem · 2012-02-15, 17:29

Quote:

Originally Posted by warita

I am pretty sure you didnt mean it the negative way.... but I would be a bit more careful how you phraze that in the future. Some more sensitive ladies could interpret it that you are blaming women for the divorce rate.

I see your point. I will clarify what I meant:

There are many reasons why a relationship can become toxic and fail. I do not necessarily think that the frequency of toxic relationships has grown in modern times. What has changed is that women are no longer in a position where they have little choice but to endure the toxic relationship. They are now empowered and financially self-sufficient - they can leave the relationship if they want.

Thus, the feminist movement probably resulted in more divorces occurring. However, the core reason for those divorces - unhappy relationships - was probably not impacted much by the feminist movement. The feminist movement simply gave wings to many women, enabling them to break out of relationships that they would have otherwise been bound to. No one person or gender deserves the blame for divorces - there are times when it really is one person's fault, but more often than not it is the fault and failure of both people involved in the relationship.

~~viperdk1~~ · 2012-02-15, 17:53

When I was much younger (very early teens), the idea of an online relationship was almost alien - after all, there was that typical myth that every woman or girl you met on the internet was actually a greasy old man looking for...yeah, I won't go any further than that (one of my work colleagues put this one to me today, even - that logic is bollocks, quite frankly

).

Spoiler for Spoilered for extreme length and gushing:

Granted, I'd put that notion to rest myself about 7 years ago - met a girl on mIRC who was a couple of years older than me. I'd say it was more than a cyber fling than nothing else (it's that long ago, the details aren't crystal clear) - but being as childish and immature as I was back then, when I found out she was 'seeing' someone else, I upped sticks and left. Honestly felt betrayed - which sounds daft when I think about it. Don't think I've been on mIRC since.

However, that's not to say that I stopped considering online relationships (heck, I'd not even properly considered a relationship in general - the number of silly little crushes (and subsequently the number of rejections) I had was ridiculous back in high school. Can remember digging quite a few holes for myself back then too

).

Anyway, my own feeling on it right now is that I don't mind where or how I meet a girl - all that matters in a relationship sense is whether we both like each other and whether we connect or not (which as you can probably tell, never happened with all those crushes back in high school

).

As it stands though, I'm still single - though I feel like there is that special someone in my life, despite her being on a completely different content (I'm a Yorkshireman, she's a Texan). I met her around the summer of 2010 on a forum not unlike this one - and got talking (over the forum and then over Skype several months down the line).

Over time, our friendship progressed - and I personally felt as though there was something more between us. Apparently so did she at one point - but neither of us really mentioned it until last year when I confessed my feelings, by which time she was seeing a guy from her own state.

Call it petty or ridiculous, but I was honestly depressed for a couple of days after I was quite rejected in favour of this other guy - who turned out to be a complete asshole. Ended up getting a touch jealous of it, and was literally hounded away by her friends (with comments along the lines of "Go find someone in your own country"). So like before, I upped sticks and left - I thought I was making the right decision at the time, but in reality, the events of 7 years ago had done nothing. There I was, making the same mistake again.

Thankfully for me, I rectified that at the end of 2011 - and realised what a tool I'd been by pushing her away over something so silly. I'd missed her (which surprised me - she was half way across the world, and always had been. Yet I missed her in those few months in which I had stopped speaking to her).

Honestly, I'd love to meet her properly (especially seeing as how I confessed again yesterday

) - though I have no qualms with being patient and talking to her via the methods we've used in the past.

I know it's not a relationship quite yet - but I feel that this experience has convinced me that you don't necessarily need to restrict yourself to your own country or state to find the person who may turn out to be the right one for you.

...what was I talking about?

Ah, that's it. In the end, it's impossible, in my opinion, to generalise online relationships as great or crap based on your own experiences. They work for some people, not for others. I know one person who can't stand them - they'd rather be single than in a long-distance online relationship.

DonQuigleone · 2012-02-15, 19:21

My own thought is that it's important for a couple to maintain reasonably seperate lives. It's a lot easier for two people to stay together long term when they don't do everything together. As it is, when you're with a person you're likely to be sleeping and eating together, and maybe going on the occasional outing, but you don't need to share all your time together. Heck, I'd get sick of any of my friends if I spent as much time with them as certain couples spend with each other.

The key thing is to have certain rituals you do together. The most important one is eating. If you're eating dinner with the person everyday you're both sharing a great experience, and also keeping the lines of communication open. Maybe it's just me, but the families I know who don't eat together all seem a lot less "together" then those who do.

So I have to agree, a little distance makes a relationship stronger. This is something the older generation understands a lot better. Talk to any of your grandparents, the grandfather has his things, the grandmother has her things, and they don't have to always be at each others beck and call.

The Romantic ideal of marriage is great and all, but there's a big problem with it, how often do you see the couple after they're married...

People will get bored of one another, spending sufficient time apart prevents that because:

1. It will take significantly longer for the person to see every aspect of you.
2. Because you have some seperate existence, you can keep bringing new things into the relationship the other member isn't familiar with, and vice verca.

Now obviously, there's the opposite extreme, where they spend no time together and just end out isolated from one another. The key is balance between the two extremes. Not only that, but a consistent balance. There has to be a sustainable habit, which is why eating meals every day(or most days) is so important. It's a very sustainable habit, and you might as well eat together anyway...

MUAHAHAHAHAHA · 2012-04-03, 08:02

My brother had this kind of online relationship once. At first, the very idea of communicating from far through letters, skype and emails seemed romantic, but as time passed, he communicated less and less with her due to his work. He told me that he remembers being in love with her, but he was slowly forgetting everything else about her, so he and his girlfriend came to a mutual agreement to end it. Sad really, but I suppose it is hard to keep a relationship alive if that person is not actively involved in your life.

View Poll Results: Have you ever had an online relationship?
No, never.	157	67.38%
Yes, and it sucked/sucks.	20	8.58%
Yes, it was quite ok, but we finally split up.	30	12.88%
Yes, we're still together (online only).	14	6.01%
Yes, we're still in love and even live together now.	12	5.15%
Voters: 233. You may not vote on this poll

2012-02-14, 22:25	Link #124
Rising Dragon Goat Herder Author Join Date: Jun 2008 Age: 37	Of the few relationships I had, the longest-lasting one and most meaningful one was an online relationship, for both of us--there are still guys she knows in person that feel threatened by me due to how close we were. Infuriatingly enough, it was this bloody US economy that proved the biggest obstacle and the biggest reason why the relationship ended--we had reached that point where the distance needed to be closed, something that fiscally couldn't be done. I'm still not over the lass, though she seems to be moving on. __________________

2012-04-03, 08:02	Link #135
MUAHAHAHAHAHA Hail the power of Fujoshi Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: hahahahahahahahaha Age: 35	My brother had this kind of online relationship once. At first, the very idea of communicating from far through letters, skype and emails seemed romantic, but as time passed, he communicated less and less with her due to his work. He told me that he remembers being in love with her, but he was slowly forgetting everything else about her, so he and his girlfriend came to a mutual agreement to end it. Sad really, but I suppose it is hard to keep a relationship alive if that person is not actively involved in your life. __________________ A politically ignorant person who embraces only hedonism as the main philosophical doctrine. Old stuff but just a reminder that butthurt report form is here to help

2012-02-15, 07:02	Link #125
warita Dai-Youkai Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Vienna	I read once a short study on long distance relationships. I think an online relationship is in most cases a long distance relationship, because to have an online relationship with your neighbour who lives just across the street makes little sense. So basically, the study said, that a long distance relationship requieres a certain personality from both partners to work.... but if the partners are willing to maintain a long distance relationship, such a relationship tends to work better than a normal one. Intuitively, we would think otherwise, right? We asume that the longing to see our partner would put stress on the relationship and the risk of meeting somebody else who lives in the same town is so much higher. But here is the deal..... One of the main reasons why normal relationships tend to break up is that you are spending "too much" time with the other person, meaning you see his/her faults a lot sooner and especially if you live with him, because then the downsides of his personality starts getting on your nerves. You dont have that with a long distance relationship. You only see the other person once in a while and you gloss over the bad parts more readily... if you notice it at all. The second secret about the success of long distance is the longing. If you can see the person you love anytime, then the novelty of it wears off pretty quickly. You dont appreciate the time you spend with him as much as if you only see him once in X weeks/months. The desire to see him, the longing and the good memories of the last time you saw him keep the relationship fresh and interesting..... and more importantly, the time you spend with him feels much more intense. In other words, long distance helps to keep passion in the relationship glowing! Actually, what this can mean in a lot of cases is, that long distance can make a relationship work, that would under normal circumstances NOT work. And thats the pitfall of it too. So you have a long distance relationship with somebody for some time, there is love, there is passion, you decided to finally move together and then comes the desillusion. Fortunately, I think this wont happen to me and my boyfriend. Apart from the fact that I love him, I am pretty realistic about his personality and I think I know him well enough to know that co living with him wont be a problem.

2012-02-15, 17:53	Link #133
~~viperdk1~~ The Colour of Magic Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: England Age: 33	When I was much younger (very early teens), the idea of an online relationship was almost alien - after all, there was that typical myth that every woman or girl you met on the internet was actually a greasy old man looking for...yeah, I won't go any further than that (one of my work colleagues put this one to me today, even - that logic is bollocks, quite frankly ). Spoiler for Spoilered for extreme length and gushing: Granted, I'd put that notion to rest myself about 7 years ago - met a girl on mIRC who was a couple of years older than me. I'd say it was more than a cyber fling than nothing else (it's that long ago, the details aren't crystal clear) - but being as childish and immature as I was back then, when I found out she was 'seeing' someone else, I upped sticks and left. Honestly felt betrayed - which sounds daft when I think about it. Don't think I've been on mIRC since. However, that's not to say that I stopped considering online relationships (heck, I'd not even properly considered a relationship in general - the number of silly little crushes (and subsequently the number of rejections) I had was ridiculous back in high school. Can remember digging quite a few holes for myself back then too ). Anyway, my own feeling on it right now is that I don't mind where or how I meet a girl - all that matters in a relationship sense is whether we both like each other and whether we connect or not (which as you can probably tell, never happened with all those crushes back in high school ). As it stands though, I'm still single - though I feel like there is that special someone in my life, despite her being on a completely different content (I'm a Yorkshireman, she's a Texan). I met her around the summer of 2010 on a forum not unlike this one - and got talking (over the forum and then over Skype several months down the line). Over time, our friendship progressed - and I personally felt as though there was something more between us. Apparently so did she at one point - but neither of us really mentioned it until last year when I confessed my feelings, by which time she was seeing a guy from her own state. Call it petty or ridiculous, but I was honestly depressed for a couple of days after I was quite rejected in favour of this other guy - who turned out to be a complete asshole. Ended up getting a touch jealous of it, and was literally hounded away by her friends (with comments along the lines of "Go find someone in your own country"). So like before, I upped sticks and left - I thought I was making the right decision at the time, but in reality, the events of 7 years ago had done nothing. There I was, making the same mistake again. Thankfully for me, I rectified that at the end of 2011 - and realised what a tool I'd been by pushing her away over something so silly. I'd missed her (which surprised me - she was half way across the world, and always had been. Yet I missed her in those few months in which I had stopped speaking to her). Honestly, I'd love to meet her properly (especially seeing as how I confessed again yesterday ) - though I have no qualms with being patient and talking to her via the methods we've used in the past. I know it's not a relationship quite yet - but I feel that this experience has convinced me that you don't necessarily need to restrict yourself to your own country or state to find the person who may turn out to be the right one for you. ...what was I talking about? Ah, that's it. In the end, it's impossible, in my opinion, to generalise online relationships as great or crap based on your own experiences. They work for some people, not for others. I know one person who can't stand them - they'd rather be single than in a long-distance online relationship.

2012-02-15, 19:21	Link #134
DonQuigleone Knight Errant Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Dublin, Ireland Age: 36	My own thought is that it's important for a couple to maintain reasonably seperate lives. It's a lot easier for two people to stay together long term when they don't do everything together. As it is, when you're with a person you're likely to be sleeping and eating together, and maybe going on the occasional outing, but you don't need to share all your time together. Heck, I'd get sick of any of my friends if I spent as much time with them as certain couples spend with each other. The key thing is to have certain rituals you do together. The most important one is eating. If you're eating dinner with the person everyday you're both sharing a great experience, and also keeping the lines of communication open. Maybe it's just me, but the families I know who don't eat together all seem a lot less "together" then those who do. So I have to agree, a little distance makes a relationship stronger. This is something the older generation understands a lot better. Talk to any of your grandparents, the grandfather has his things, the grandmother has her things, and they don't have to always be at each others beck and call. The Romantic ideal of marriage is great and all, but there's a big problem with it, how often do you see the couple after they're married... People will get bored of one another, spending sufficient time apart prevents that because: 1. It will take significantly longer for the person to see every aspect of you. 2. Because you have some seperate existence, you can keep bringing new things into the relationship the other member isn't familiar with, and vice verca. Now obviously, there's the opposite extreme, where they spend no time together and just end out isolated from one another. The key is balance between the two extremes. Not only that, but a consistent balance. There has to be a sustainable habit, which is why eating meals every day(or most days) is so important. It's a very sustainable habit, and you might as well eat together anyway...