Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha Character Creation and Discussion (second reincarnation)

[LimitedEternal]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

<derail>

And on the other hand you have companies like Square-Enix sending out cease-and-desist letters to anyone working on an independent fan sequel to Chrono Trigger. At 98% completion.

Maybe they're only assholes to Americans who offer "free advertising" through doujin and fanworks? After all, Japanese are the most racist people on Earth.

</derail>

I gotta wonder why companies look the other way on fan translations of games, then slap down on fan-made games themselves.

Originally Posted by FlameSparkZ

True...just like that joke story of an old lady suing a microwave company because she used it to dry her cat (which died) and there were no warnings about it on the instruction manual

Scary thing is I see stories like that more often than one might think. We should swap stupid-stories websites sometime.

For greedy people, yes...but there are those who create stuff and share them with the world for the sake of it.
But yeah, money is needed to support such activity

To be honest, I'm aiming for such a life...but I still find my skills lacking something, so I'm "studying" (aka watching anime, reading manga, playing games) to see all kinds or art styles there are out there.

Once I reach a satisfying level, I'll start posting on Pixiv

Ganbatte yo!

[FlameSparkZ]

Originally Posted by Saint X

No, you don't need to reach a "satisfying level" as that will take forever to take.

What you need is to START POSTING IN PIXIV NAO

*runs*

Unfortunately I have something called "personal standards"

Originally Posted by LimitedEternal

Scary thing is I see stories like that more often than one might think. We should swap stupid-stories websites sometime.

Haha...unfortunately, I don't know anymore...or I just can't remember them

Originally Posted by LimitedEternal

Ganbatte yo!

Thanks

[AdmiralTigerclaw]

Trucking through a mid-fight lull...

Spoiler for The hard Parts:

“How’d you manage to get here?” he asked.

“I walked.”

Crash would have fallen right over if he didn’t know she was dodging the question.

“You know what I mean,” he grumbled. “I’m running enough active sensor sweeps to count the bricks in that building. But you got in undetected.”

Abigail smiled. “Trade secret.”

Dammit.

A moment later, her smile melted into a curious pout.
“We have company.”

Crash kicked himself for ignoring his sensors. Quickly looking up as the HUD put brackets on something red and white and angry looking, he managed to make out a bunny…

“Vita?!” He snapped in surprise. She hadn’t been in the fight, but things were shifting quickly. Only a moment later, his brain processed where she was going with that war hammer raised above her head, and every reflex and thought screamed the same thing.

“DODGE!”



Vita came down on Crash, fully intent to teach him not to hold still. She met empty air and smashed the sidewalk as he jumped clear. Vita, in the mood for smashing, was not what one would call a one-hit wonder. Graf Eisen was up and coming around in a move that could only be described as aggressive. In fact, aggressive would hardly be sufficient enough a description for Vita’s attack as she chased Crash through several dozen meters of backpedaling. Her strikes were not subtle. There was no finesse to her wide swings, or subtle nuances to her strategy. It was pretty much a very simple affair. She just needed to hit. And once she hit him once, she would use the momentum to hit him again. And again, and again.

Crash, for his credit, successfully avoided this end result for a total of twenty-four combined swings and lunges before he ran into a problem.

He ran out of room to back up, as he discovered by backing right into a parked van.

However, this revelation had the positive result of jolting him out of his terrified funk, forcing him to think once more as Vita raised a deliberately gloating overhead smash. Crash jumped up and over Vita as she demolished the van. Now that he was thinking again, it was time to-

Hello Subaru.

Crash ducked as she tried to Revolver knuckle him upon landing. Only the heightened tension from Vita had kept him alert enough to out-pace the swing and duck the blow. Things quickly continued to go downhill for him as he realized he had no time to think on the safe side of Subaru’s swing when Erio tried to skewer him on Strada. In the brief moment he had to roll to the side of the thrust, he managed to remember that they’d recovered from Abigail’s shots just before Vita had charged in. Any wondering at where Abigail had suddenly vanished off to in the last few seconds was cut off as Vita increased the pressure of the attack.

Crash found himself unable to think much at all. From one direction, a hammer smashed everything in its path, from another, a fist, and a third, a spear. Where was Abigail?

The truth, is that just after crash shouted duck, an unaccounted for contender made itself known in the fight…

Freiderick, irritated at being ignored by the one named Crash, had been allowed by Caro to transform to full dragon form. Rather than some cute pocket dragon that had been following Caro around, the forty foot beast had swiftly, and silently ascended and dove in for a little fun terrorizing the test pilot.

What Freiderick hadn’t expected, was that just when he was going to start his fun, Vita had launched an attack. In the fray, the newcomer girl in the hat had spotted him and somehow managed to bounce her way up the side of a building.

The Dragon Mount, under the care of Caro, was not unfamiliar to the abilities of powerful mages. But normally, he could sense their latent powers in the flow of the aether and feel their intent when they were preparing attacks. What occurred here confused Freid. He sensed very little of the intent in the flows around her, a near absense of magical strength which normally indicated a weak foe. However, the sudden spikes and flares of pain as the young woman managed to somehow snap small but potent magical attacks right into spots where they hurt most drove the beast back to eye her with caution.

Freid cursed in the ancient tongue of the dragons. A sound that to the uncultured ear of humans, was a menacing rumble. Unlike Caro, one whom he held dear, or the Boy, who he begrudged as a worthy ally, this fragile pest below him was without any true power, but managing to put up a fight. It made the Mount consider briefly just lobbing a few Mega Flares down to roast the entire building on the spot. A telepathic retort that felt as much to Freiderick’s mind like what a rolled up newspaper did to a puppy thumped him proverbially as Caro objected to such hostilities in a mere training scenario. Perhaps his charge was right. Even for the long lived and ancient race of Dragons, Bar-B-Quing someone you just met without proper and regal introductions was just rude and unsophisticated behavior more suited to lesser beasts, like Lawyers.

Besides, the woman wouldn’t even make a mouthful and he’d forgotten the Bar-B-Que sauce anyway.

Caro’s next mental retort felt like slap with a paper fan. Perhaps the ‘Humans are Crunchy and Taste Good with Ketchup’ routine was getting a bit tired for this kind of battle. Very well then. Blast flares only, no Mega Flares. There was the image of a pleasant smile from Caro in Freiderick’s mind.
Of course, he would demand to pester the Boy whom she called Erio a little more. Picking on him was such good fun.

Swooping around to launch a few of the small, weakly-explosive fireballs Caro had nicknamed ‘Blast Flare’, (Which really, were nothing more than what Freiderick considered the ‘hairball’ of the dragon world.) the Mount extended his senses to feel the presence of the White One, currently dodging around the attacks of the one named Lynn. Closing rapidly with the two was one of the Worthy, the Cloud Knight Signum. This was going to be good.

Not a creature to be distracted, Freid returned his attention to this pest, snapped a roll trying to avoid more of those annoying shots, and launched another ‘Blast Flare’.




“BOOM!!!”


‘Sixty-one, sixty-two, sixty-three…’ Nanoha counted silently. Lynn’s assault had gone on a full minute straight now. It was something to note that she managed to stay up to what had to be full driving now on a near constant offensive. The collapsing office tower behind her boiled into a cloud of smoke as testament to that power. Lynn was proving to be every bit of her title. Not even breathing hard after a full minute of attacking constantly at full power. Still, she wasn’t launching busters, just really compact physical enhancement attacks.
The Ace of aces would have loved to give a full test of Lynn’s striking power herself, but the limitations of her own scenario pretty much put her on the run.

Another ferocious swing nearly split her skull asunder. She had to have noticed by now, was she really going all out?

“Are you trying to kill me?” she joked, Flash-Moving clear of a jab from Waldron. “This amount of force isn’t really necessary.”

“I train as I fight,” Lynn responded pointedly. “And I fight, at full power.”


Nanoha spotted one of her back hand-ornaments flash, felt the spike of power. It was like those instant spell cards the Leize twins used. Very, VERY fast. Waldron barked the attack name.

[MJOLNIR IMPACT]

Lynn raised to strike. Nanoha knew what came next.

[EXPLOSION]

“KABLAM!!!”


The blow caused a snap concussion, which shattered glass from undamaged structures around them. And then there was a pause as they both aknowledged the newcomer that had suddenly appeared. Signum held the blow above her head with the combined Sword and Scabbard combo of Levantine.

“You train as you fight,” Signum began. “You wish to train at your full power?”

Lynn nodded, not speaking. Her eyes had a kind of direct focus.

“Then fight me,” Signum finished, pushing off the Axe and floating back. “I need to take some stress out on something after the conversation with the moron I just met.”


Lynn, to their mild surprise, raised one eyebrow.

“Met Gray have we?”

Signum blinked.

“How’d you know?”

“He’s got that affect on all the ladies,” Lynn shrugged. “The only thing that keeps me from splitting his skull in half is that he’s really good at infiltration. Did he catch you off guard?”

“He did,” Signum nodded.

“Then you are already dead,” Lynn responded solemnly. “Or at least, you would have been in a real fight. Only Alex can top him in undetectable approach. If he chose to attack instead of flirt, you’d have a sword in your back.”

Signum did her best to hide personal offense at that statement. She gripped Levantine a little harder and took a ready stance.
“I doubt it would be that easy,” the Knight challenged, letting a smile creep onto her face.

Lynn lowered her head slightly, her features remaining pointedly neutral. Waldron raised to battle ready position.
“I would accept no less,” she stated. “Just remember the Instructor’s scenario stands. Defend her as well as yourself. If you can.”

Nanoha looked between the two, and suppressed a laugh. Too bad she couldn’t get in on this fight. One time she went rounds with Signum in a sparing match. It took Chrono blitzing her and Yuuno pulling off some wicked multi-binding spells while Arf and Shamal dealt with Signum just to break them up. It had been a total blast, but everyone had been worried they were about to kill each other. Looking at the two now, it reminded her of that time. They needed something to get them started.

“Readyyyyyyyyyyy…” she began, Raising Heart swinging up.





It made no sense to Tiana. Lynn had appeared, so had this new girl. Moving quietly around a full scale Melee in which Crash was busy trying not to get punched, smashed and skewered all at once time was a bit of a task. The guy was absolutely amazing at dodging.

Focus Tia!

Abigail was above, on a rooftop, running interference on Freiderick, irritating Caro’s loyal companion more and more with every shot. Caro needed to figure out how that Girl had snuck up on them with no warning, saw through her illusions AND managed to snap a hip shot off and score a direct hit at a distance. But it made no sense. Lynn they could excuse as distance. But the girl litterally popped up beside Crash, with more active sensors going than a cruiser in battle mode. What’s more, she was looking right at Crash. And for love or money she just couldn’t figure out how the girl seemed to just step out from behind him in the middle of an empty street.

‘I’ve got nothing!’ she announced over their telepathic cross-link. ‘Not even an optic hide could be as smooth and clever as that. Plus she’s got nowhere near the power needed to pull it off.’

‘Perhaps there is someone much like you supporting her,’ Caro suggested. Such a comment would come from a supporting mage after all.

‘With the range to cover Lynn from Nanoha’s sensors at the same time?’ Tia was incredulous. ‘The problem with optic hide projections is that you have to be within visual range of those you’re hiding. Otherwise the landscape projections become inaccurate.’

‘Two of them then?’ Caro suggested. Well, it was possible. But still…

“It’s like someone’s messing with my mind,” she grumbled.


‘Heh heh heh heh heh heh…’

Tia froze. The voice was coming through her telepathic reception.

‘Heh heh heh heh heh heh…’

Without warning, the sky turned a stormy gray. The color and features of her environment faded to an equally dull feel. Nowhere were there signs of the fight she’s been trying to sneak around. Only silence.

“What the?!” She began in surprise. “A barrier?!”

‘HAHAHAHAHAHA!’ This time, the laugh echoed from everywhere and within her own mind with seeming mirth at her statement. The owner seemed to continue for a few more seconds before he, for that’s what it sounded like, chose to address.

‘I wouldn’t use something as crude as a barrier when I have the ability to plant images into your head my dear,’ he began. ‘It takes far less power to trap you within your own skull than it would ever take to trap you in even the smallest barrier or binding.’

“Who are you and what is this?” Tia demanded, brandishing Cross Mirage as if to ward off an attacker.

‘Oh?’ the voice sounded amused again. ‘I would think that one such as yourself would recognize an illusion when she sees it.’

Tia looked around. This was an awfully powerful illusion.

‘Or perhaps,’ He continued. ‘You need a more potent lesson.’

“And what do you mean by that?” she growled.

“Tia!”

Tiana spun around to see Subaru. And, the rest just didn’t make logical sense. Subaru was battered and beaten, her sister standing over here prepared to land the finishing blow. Every ounce of logic she had told her that Subaru was at this very second going hand to hand with Crash. But this… Subaru in front of her looked like the real thing.

“Tia, help. Help! Stop Gi-“
‘Crack!’

Tiana couldn’t help but wince and cover her face. That was not something she’d hope to ever have to see.

‘If you know how to link illusions and telepathy, you can truly shine.’ The voice seemed so smug.

“Okay,” she muttered. “I get the point.”

‘Oh?’ the voice asked. ‘I don’t think you do. How about this?’

Tia ressisted the urge to jump back. The ground around her turned red and melted. After a few seconds, the buildings around her began to sink, and the heat reached unbearable temperatures. The only safety was the small island she was standing on in a sea of magma.

‘Be careful,’ the voice taunted. ‘Or you’ll get hurt, or worse.’

“Pfft!” Tia scoffed. “It’s an illusion. It’s good, but it’s not real.”

‘The mind makes it real,’ the voice advised.

“What?”

‘At a certain level of illusion, the dream becomes reality. As deep into your mind as this, if you jump into that magma, you will feel the very real pain of burning to death. Your body will spasm uncontrollably as if the flesh were being seared from the bone. As far as you knew, you’d die, and your mind would quit.’

Tia thought about it for a few seconds.

‘There’s also no knowing what’s happening to your actual body,’ the voice continued. ‘I could play the environment around you like a picture book and manipulate your actions. There’s no guarantee that what you see and feel here is what’s going on in the real world. You could be walking south on the northbound express right now and be staring blankly at an oncoming truck.’


This was absurd. But the voice had a point. If this really was as strong an illusion plastered inside her head as any of her illusions cast externally, he could play her like a musical instrument. He could change the environment, show her allies killing each other, or dying. He could hide while standing right in front of her with a gun resting on her head or he could- Well of COURSE he could hide his allies.

“So are you part of the Thanatos unit?” she asked.

‘How perceptive of you my dear,’ the voice cackled. Allow me to introduce myself approprietly.

There was the sound of shattering glass, obviously stylized to augment the sudden collapse of a grand scale illusion. Crash was further up the street, diving out of the way as Vita used Gigant Form to smash a truck he’d been standing in the back of.

“Prepare yourself.” The voice was close.

Tia raised Cross Mirage and scanned about, looking for what corner the Enforcer would pop out of. What happened next, was just as unsettling as the illusions. A white gloved hand suddenly poked through the wall. Not through a hole in the wall, but through the wall, as if the wall’s very function had been changed. Then another hand, and before long, a man in a red coat and hat passed through it ever so slowely as if he were ghost. Tia could feel a shiver go up her spine as he did so. This guy knew how to put on a show. When he was done, he took a sweeping bow and then grinned.

“I, am the Nightmare,” he began. “Thanatos Two. Alexander, Vladius, Carrde.”

Tia shot him right in the face.

I'm tired but I needed to plow through this part of the fight to get it over since it fell out of sequence I had originally thought up. but I needed to do it. I'm certain I'll probably end up cleaning this part up.

[itanshi1]

Eh, some part of something somewhere eventually, later, yeah

Random snip

Spoiler for Serene Tempest:

The day decided to rest, but that was a selfish whim of poetry. A wise old fool that insisted on sleep for this side of the planet. Still, that was something that could not be. The twin moons shone brightly overhead. They smiled and beckoned for a pleasant scene. Perhaps a seaside chat with an old friend at a local cafe in Cranagan, but there was no time for that. The city never slept, much less those with the thankless jobs. There was never enough time for dealing with the work at hand for a lawyer. A woman in her late thirties adjusted her glasses and tapped the table with her pen. It had very nearly ran out of ink. She was the kind of person that held such friends with a pen. She'd refill it instead of tossing it whenever she could, but still she had a lot of pens. She did not have a lot of people as friends. She collected the papers and went through them one by one. She read them aloud, but only so she could hear herself. She corrected a couple of the files and sighed.

A soft creak, a small gesture brought an all too familiar reminder. A short surge of pain shot up her back. She sighed and reluctantly stood up from her black desk chair. It slid gently on its wheels behind her as she stretched and cracked her back, followed by her neck, her arms, and her wrists. She yawned and stopped herself having realized she had broken her composure. She prided herself on composure. She adjusted her black rimmed glasses and felt the sweat upon her skin stick to them for just a moment. She took them off and reached for a tissue from a drawer. She wiped her face and returned the glasses to their perch.

She glanced down at the pile of papers she had been proof reading, correcting, and filing. It was the type of labor she insisted on doing after a long day of chewing people out and making criminals wet themselves for wasting her time. It wasn't that Cranagan had a lot of criminals, they just tended to host some of the more eccentric ones. It was the life she found herself living. Defending these types from the TSAB in the court of law. "Ms. Miata." She was also proud of that work she did. There was no reason to be here if she was not. She could tell if a rock was lying to her, some would joke. Serene Tempest was a name most officials wish they didn't know. She enjoyed that fact, privately.

"Yes?" The voice was prompt. Her petite face decorated by soft bluish hair and a even softer shade of pink lipstick filled the view screen.

"I am done for the day. I am sorry about keeping you this late."

"Oh, no! It is quite alright, Ms. Tempest. I have a note left by Mr. Mulsanne for you. I'll start closing things up." She smiled.

"Thank you, once again, Ms. Miata." She closed the view screen and packed up her files in a cabinet. Old fashioned was also a pride she held onto as a part of herself. It was something that made her feel grounded and secure in the face of so much. She watched the news. She read every newspaper and asked every question. Still, she did not know the future.

She left for home only to find a familiar face waiting in the shadows for her. She ignored the officer and continued to the parking lot ahead of her. The officer cut her off and crossed her arms. Ms. Tempest found it mildly amusing this officer hasn't screamed at her or even said a thing having cut her off so deliberately. She was young and sincere, but she would not make any mistakes. Still, she had wasted her time. A frozen dinner awaited her and she would not make it wait any longer.

"I am sorry for not making an appointment." She spoke, "but I must address."

"My Daughter? Its always about my daughter. What power do you think I have over her?" She regretted having responded at all, but a weaker less wise part of herself wanted to end this situation once and for all. A succinct impossibility she could not escape for as long as she held her job, for as long as she was her mother, and for as long as there was a TSAB.

"I'd like your advice on how to teach her." She smiled as if to soften her words even further.

Now, she was amused. She had a funny way to show it, "Look, you brat, I have a precise schedule to keep and I won't have some rookie training instructor keep me from my dinner, understand?"

She waited as if not knowing what to say. No there was nothing to say. Power was one thing this woman wielded. It was a whole other thing than her bosses or their bosses had. It wasn't like a politician or a criminal. This person had a presence that made people shake and falter. She had the eyes of a predator.

"You understand, that's why you cut me off." She gritted her teeth and relaxed, "I find it incredibly asinine you would call me out like this." She paused and waited. No reply came. She was reading the youth and evaluating her. She was well brought up, but still. She remained both unbroken by her shouts and respected authority. She could have a conversation with her, "Alright, on one condition. John's Cafe two kilometers from here. It's on you." The young woman with blond hair didn't know how the deliberation came to this. She could only just keep up with this woman's pace. Was this even a negotiation? She had a lot to learn as an investigator, much less an instructor. The stories she heard did nothing to describe just what it was like being on the wrong end of her stick.

John's Cafe was in fact a fine establishment not too far away from her law offices. It's name held much less prestige than her Tempest Law Firm, but it did well in its own right. Serene Tempest had overheard her secretary, Miata, speaking about this to a guest earlier in the week. She knew the date when it opened, who opened it, which politicians went there, but not what the coffee was like or the pastries within. The coffee was at least better than store bought.

She sat at a table in the corner away from most of the idle conversations and those who were chatting away on mobile devices. They could do that anywhere, but the atmosphere was still what made them do it here. It was 'nice', but there was nothing nice about this conversation she knew she would have. Miss Fate Testarossa-Harlaown parked her black sports car and walked into the cafe. She sat across from the lawyer and wondered where to begin.

"Since you are treating me, I'll get the drinks." She offered.

"Oh, no, that's quite alright." Fate saw those eyes staring at her and changed her tune at once, "Please, thank you."

"Right. Your order?"

"Green tea, please."

"Bottled, or?"

"Uh, brewed, please."

"Right." Again her voice was sharp. She only needed the information she requested. Fate was understanding this bit by bit now. She couldn't imagine what it was like for Fury at home, much less any criminal she defended. She was curious about her line of work, too.

Minutes passed by in a silence drowned out by the idle chat of those meeting after work. The cafe was hitting another one of its busy moments and she wondered if Ms. Tempest regretted having chosen this location. She saw her set the drinks down before them and the receipt fell between them. Fate would sort that out later, she presumed.

"You may speak." She caught Fate distracted by her own thoughts. She took scaring people for a living for granted sometimes, "No, I'll speak." She nodded. "I was entrusted years ago with Fury's care. The man in charge of the expadition that found her on that icy planet brought her to me. He was an aquaintence." She paused to let Fate fill in the blank for her. She was not about to elaborate on that point, "I named her Freedom and gave her my surname. Seems she took a liking to how some at your division pronounced her name. Something about a Japanese accent. She goes by Fury now which I also understand is not even Japanese, but English. Both of these cultures are from non-adminstrated planet 97. Earth. Language has that peculiarity, but you were also from there, were you not?"

"I grew up there, but I was born here." Fate smiled.

She sipped her coffee and continued, "I know about your birth enough to know not to meddle too deeply. There is something fishy, I believe the term is, with the circumstances around your birth. I'll leave that to you, investigator, but for now Fury Tempest, my daughter ails you, does she not?"

"I am honestly afraid for her sake, Ms. Tempest. She is insubordiante, dangerous, careless, and one day she will be court martialed. I mean, this is what I fear."

"I know her far too well to let those concerns bother me, instructor." She sipped her coffee again and let the cool air waft by. The door closed once more as a student left for the night. "She is a lot like me. I knew that right away."

Fate blinked, "I don't understand."

"No, no you don't," She conceded. "Tell me, what part of her do you think will change if she is constrained in anyway?"

"I... guess none, but."

"Correct, nothing will change. She will never admit it, but she is precisely like myself in this regard. Nothing at all will change if force, constraints, or restrictions of any sort are applied to her." Her eyes flashed as a thought occured to her, "How did you get me here?"

"Excuse me?"

"Would I ever belittle myself drinking coffee here before an officer like you without a good reason?"

"You mean, Fury?" Fate was getting nervous. She had no control at all of this situation. She couldn't even leave if she wanted to. Her tea was also getting cold. She had no idea when to drink it. Was her posture correct?

"No, you were able to respect me. You didn't interrupt me or interject anywhere. You let me talk myself into going through with this. You are a good kid, but you are still a kid. I still have no idea why the TSAB runs a day care center, but that's not my job to ask that question." She finished her coffee having found it had cooled appropriately.

"So, you wish for me to let her be?"

"In a way, yes, but you are still the instructor. You need to get her to want to be behave, then you get her to want to be taught."

"If I may..." Fate knew she was overstepping, but just maybe the risk was worth it.

Ms. Tempest almost smiled, "How is my home life with her? I don't see her much. I don't see myself as so much her mother or even a care taker. I don't think there is a term that fits appropriately. She hates me, despises me, but its a sham. I know her feelings as clear as rain." She paused and sat back in her chair, "Maybe I could be called a mentor, no, an idol." She nodded at the idea. Fury certainly admired her. "Look, she is an unexploded ordinance. An untempered blade. You could even call her a force of nature. It is remarkable the strength of personality she has, but she is still a child like yourself. I have no idea if she understands what she does affects people or that her actions have repercussions, but she will and when she does, she will know the costs. You have my word that I will defend her from the TSAB's heavy hand."

"They can be quite forgiving, I found."

"I checked your court records. Be so lucky that you were defended so well."

"I am. You love her quite a bit." Fate smiled. Somehow this notion calmed her before this woman. Serene Tempest was a force of nature, that was for sure.

"Right." Fate flinched at that word. Her temper had flared again. This was the sort of temper that only served to cut that part of the conversation off, "I will see you again, in court." She saw the flinch, "That's where I tend to be." She tossed her empty coffee cup in the trash and left. She seemed to not like the TSAB much, but maybe it was only a business rivalry. She couldn't say.

Fate exhaled and noticed a few officers were drinking here as well. Their names had escaped her, but they seemed to empathize with her. She gave them a weak smile and drank her now lukewarm tea.

Spoiler for notes:

I wish to convey certain aspects, enlighten aspects with this once fitted into the main story. I mean to re-title 'Animist and the Anarchist' to Mahou Senki Legacy Nanoha later on.

[Dr. Casey]

Original Character: Ashton

A 26 year old mage in the Time Space Administration Bureau. Inspired by the feats of Nanoha, Ace of Aces, he joins the team hoping to do everything he can to bring peace and prosperity to dimensions everywhere.


Attacks

Starlight Breaker: The same as Nanoha's. He can fire approximately twenty per day before wearing himself out.

Sunlight Breaker: Ashton's ultimate attack. Somewhere around three hundred times more powerful than the Starlight Breaker, however Ashton rarely uses the move because just one Sunlight Breaker consumes so much energy that it removes 35 years from his life.

Father Time's Broken Promise: This magic spell accelerates the aging process, causing a person to progress one year per second. However, Ashton loses the ability to attack for a few minutes afterwards, so if the mage in question is a teenager or twenty-something, then there's a whole minute before his opponent's life expires where Ashton's defenseless.

Neptune's Revenge: Ashton transforms the enemy into a gaseous being, ala Neptune the gas planet. The opponent will gain immortality while in this state, however, no longer limited by the biological processes of old, and can thus remain a political adversary for the rest of eternity.

Animal Fusion: Ashton can fuse animals together to help him in combat. A fusion between a dog, rhinocerous, dolphin, and eagle, for example, results in an extremely powerful, loyal horned animal that can swim and fly. The animals can never be defused, however, and the more animals that are combined in the fusion process, the higher the chances that psychosis will result from too many minds being mixed together.

Two animals: 10%
Three animals: 25%
Four animals: 35%
Five animals: 50%
Six animals: 70%
Seven animals: 90%
Eight animals: 100% until Ashton gains more proficiency with the technique

[MeisterBabylon]

Oi oi Casey go easy on smoking all that hardcore stuff. It smells worse than the warzone this place usually is.

[AdmiralTigerclaw]

Wow, those attacks are... beyond haxx levels.

Especially sunlight breaker and Father Time's Broken Promise. No matter how high a toll. 300 X Starlight Breaker? Let me calc that...

If we look at starlight breaker, not counting Rein's mega amped breaker, Nanoha's kicking out about the firepower of the MOAB... (11 tons)... Sunlight Breaker. at 300 X that is 3.3 kilotons. Not even double S sweety Hayate's meanest attacks rate in more than maybe a kiloton tops at their fiercest.

For scale refferences...
MOAB

100 Ton explosive shot

Operation Sailorhat 500 tons, effects look close to what Hraesvelger does. Including the blowing of flying objects out of the sky. This is 0.5 kilotons.

You're going for someone who can single-fire what is Six times the power of an estimated Hraesvelgr shot.

Yeah, lifespan draining or not, where do you get that kind of energy? Energy isn't free.
Nanoha nearly killed herself pulling off a 5X Starlight breaker combo with an amp from chaingunning cartridges, as well as stringing the ACS, and blaster system into it. Hayate's a synthetic SS level mage and is more or less fused with a powerful magical artifact.


Where's Ashton going to get three kilotons worth of energy?


And I think the time magic bit might be a bit fast. A year per second... I'd curve that back to 1 year for ten seconds. That seems more reasonable.



EDIT:

I'm having another brainstorm.

Haven't really figured out how to give Crash and Co a proper epic showdown but I've been watching a bunch of 'Let's Play einhander' and listening to the track 'Thermosphere', and an idea hit me.


Since 'Zed' is our protagonist to match Crash and Lynn and company, I figure what better way is to tack on some kind of redundancy to the attack on Apeture systems?


So, this happens after the battle of Cranagan. After they figure out who the bad guy is. They make a run on Apeture and Marcellus.

Marc of course, while not Thrawn level smart like Daedalus... is still a Xanatos Speed Chess player and has contingencies.

Contingency 1 is of course that his office tower is a death trap filled with AMF, drones, and every defense emplacement is controlled by Gladdis. ouchies...
Contingency 2 is that he's got an escape shuttle in the top of his tower.
Contingency 3 is that he has something like the 'Arkbird' from Ace combat Five stashed away.

And it's got a nuclear payload. And it's piloted by Zed.

The escape plan is of course that the Mages infiltrate the building and get strung up on the defense emplacements. Then the 'Arkbird' clone launches... If he's going down, FUCK YOU TSAB! It's going to start bombing stuff before it goes down. Using that actually as a decoy in hopes to draw the strong mages away to deal with the 'bigger threat', he makes his getaway on his shuttle.


The way I'll play the story out, is that Crash/Lynn/EDI of course were outside when the 'Exosphere' launches. EDI, with the assistance of Lime/Cherry/Bloodberry doing some hacking, discover just how dangerous that beast really is. So they give chase.


The Exosphere of course, outruns them. Crash can't go fast enough and attack at the same time... EDI can't fly that fast or that high, and Fate likewise cannot fly that high. Nanoha finishes taking out Marcellus in his escape attempt and discovers things aren't so good on the other side of the situation... There's no way to stop it short of arcing it. But it's staying too low in the atmosphere to hit without killing people. It's over!

"It's not over until that bastard Robot is broken!"

Spoiler for Cue the epic music!:

Crash is on the wing of Fox's Arwing! (Lynn's there too, wearing an Oxygen mask or something.)

Perhaps a fully space capable fighter is what it will take to catch up with the Exosphere.

"Punch it Fox! Just get me close!"

Of course, it's not that easy. The deep Sky could technically keep up, but it isn't armed... and the Exosphere is.

In fact, it's VERY armed.

Fox has to dodge around a wall of incoming defensive fire... Crash has to use full defensive mode with the help from Lynn to defend against the shots that score a hit, while trying to hold on to the Arwing as it curls impossibly through the hailstorm at hgh hypersonic. (Mach 15 or so)

Just so he and Lynn can get onboard the Exosphere and have their final showdown with Zed.

So with the Deep Sky trailing safely out of range above, and Fox hanging back harrassing and being harrassed by the defensive guns... (Which are less nightmarish without Zed plugged in and Aimbotting them.)

After Crash beats the bot, he'll have a final plot affecting domino affect on the Exosphere. And they have to bail out of the thing as it comes apart around them.

And we'll leave the cleanup and move into our Lindy/Daedalus fight.

[itanshi1]

"Objection!" Serene Tempest shouted. The court roomed sulked deeper into their chairs. Hearing the women speak was one kind of fear. Hearing her shout was more than startling. "You cannot copy Dragon Ball Z and hope to survive as a well written story!"

[AdmiralTigerclaw]

Who's copying DBZ? I moida them!

[Nya~n]

Originally Posted by Dr. Casey

Original Character: Ashton

My god is this guy OVERPOWERED or what? ATC, you can go tell ol' George Davidson to kiss his bottoms and retire now, 'cos he's no longer God. This guy is.


Tell you what. I'll be as blunt as i can. No sugarcoating of words.

Originally Posted by Dr.Casey

Attacks

Starlight Breaker: The same as Nanoha's. He can fire approximately twenty per day before wearing himself out.

Who needs half of of the TSAB's naval fleets when you have this guy? Pew Pew. There, one civil war taken care of. Oh, an SSS+ Lost Logia incident over there. PEW PEW PEW PEW. Yet another one.

Originally Posted by Dr.Casey

Sunlight Breaker: Ashton's ultimate attack. Somewhere around three hundred times more powerful than the Starlight Breaker, however Ashton rarely uses the move because just one Sunlight Breaker consumes so much energy that it removes 35 years from his life.

Actually, scratch that. Who needs the entirety of the Bureau's forces when you have an attack like this? 300 Starlight Breakers packed into one? Granted, it's his call since it eats up 35 years of his natural life, but this is just ridiculously overpowered.

Originally Posted by Dr.Casey

Father Time's Broken Promise: This magic spell accelerates the aging process, causing a person to progress one year per second. However, Ashton loses the ability to attack for a few minutes afterwards, so if the mage in question is a teenager or twenty-something, then there's a whole minute before his opponent's life expires where Ashton's defenseless.

Wait, what?

Originally Posted by Dr.Casey

Neptune's Revenge: Ashton transforms the enemy into a gaseous being, ala Neptune the gas planet. The opponent will gain immortality while in this state, however, no longer limited by the biological processes of old, and can thus remain a political adversary for the rest of eternity.

*points to the one about Sunlight Breaker*

Originally Posted by Dr.Casey

Animal Fusion: Ashton can fuse animals together to help him in combat. A fusion between a dog, rhinocerous, dolphin, and eagle, for example, results in an extremely powerful, loyal horned animal that can swim and fly. The animals can never be defused, however, and the more animals that are combined in the fusion process, the higher the chances that psychosis will result from too many minds being mixed together.

Two animals: 10%
Three animals: 25%
Four animals: 35%
Five animals: 50%
Six animals: 70%
Seven animals: 90%
Eight animals: 100% until Ashton gains more proficiency with the technique

Yeap George Davidson's only playing God, because this guy literally is.


This character is so preposterously uberh4xX that I can't even bust it seriously.

[MeisterBabylon]

Guys, don't feed the troll, if Casey is trolling us.

Or maybe my sensors are just wonky from smoking too much Khrack.

[LimitedEternal]

Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon

Guys, don't feed the troll, if Casey is trolling us.

Or maybe my sensors are just wonky from smoking too much Khrack.

I'm not sure there's a way to tell if this is a "genuine" troll here or I'd be tempted to agree with you.

[MeisterBabylon]

Yeah I was recently introduced to a kind of on-topic troll on another forum, so the yield values haven't been properly calibrated yet...

Nevertheless, it goes to show how crazy Casey's post is, when the resident crazy dude even knows it's crazy.

[Tempy]

Hmmm I haven't done this in a while, but I suppose it'll get me back into the right mindframe.

If this is an attempt at trolling, it was a bad try.

If it's serious, then open the spoiler.

Spoiler for 10-minute review:

Originally Posted by Dr. Casey

Original Character: Ashton

A 26 year old mage in the Time Space Administration Bureau. Inspired by the feats of Nanoha, Ace of Aces, he joins the team hoping to do everything he can to bring peace and prosperity to dimensions everywhere.

That's... it? That's all you're going to say about Ashton? You're going to have to expand greatly on his guy's backstory, origin, etc. if you want to justify any of those powers I'm looking at below. And from what I'm seeing... this had better be one hell of a backstory.

A two sentence introduction is hardly the kind of first impression you want to give here.

Attacks

Starlight Breaker: The same as Nanoha's. He can fire approximately twenty per day before wearing himself out.

While giving a limit is nice, twenty is a taaad much. Since you've neglected to give adequate backstory, I'm going to have to say No to this.

Sunlight Breaker: Ashton's ultimate attack. Somewhere around three hundred times more powerful than the Starlight Breaker, however Ashton rarely uses the move because just one Sunlight Breaker consumes so much energy that it removes 35 years from his life.

See, this is is the kind of overpowered attack we really want to avoid. Power levels and ridiculousness aside, this just doesn't work. An attack that drains 35 years from a lifespan would cause so much stress upon the body upon usage that he should implode from the drain or explode from the feedback. You cannot just create some uber-attack and arbitrarily slap on some numbers to it and make it seem legit. And 300x more powerful? That's just excessive.

Father Time's Broken Promise: This magic spell accelerates the aging process, causing a person to progress one year per second. However, Ashton loses the ability to attack for a few minutes afterwards, so if the mage in question is a teenager or twenty-something, then there's a whole minute before his opponent's life expires where Ashton's defenseless.

What I said earlier? It goes double--no--quadruple here. Sunlight Breaker was an issue about power levels. This is just wrong. Time manipulation is a taboo subject here, one that we avoid at all costs. This sort of power is wholly unsuitable for the series' environments.

Neptune's Revenge: Ashton transforms the enemy into a gaseous being, ala Neptune the gas planet. The opponent will gain immortality while in this state, however, no longer limited by the biological processes of old, and can thus remain a political adversary for the rest of eternity.

This... doesn't seem to have any purpose other than to one-shot some Big Bad Evil Guy/Girl and conveniently save the day.

Animal Fusion: Ashton can fuse animals together to help him in combat. A fusion between a dog, rhinocerous, dolphin, and eagle, for example, results in an extremely powerful, loyal horned animal that can swim and fly. The animals can never be defused, however, and the more animals that are combined in the fusion process, the higher the chances that psychosis will result from too many minds being mixed together.

Two animals: 10%
Three animals: 25%
Four animals: 35%
Five animals: 50%
Six animals: 70%
Seven animals: 90%
Eight animals: 100% until Ashton gains more proficiency with the technique

Wait wait wait. We go from Severely Overpowered Energy Blasts to Time Manipulation to Enemy Sublimation, to Animal Fusion? HOW is Ashton doing this? WHERE did he get this power from? WHAT did he do to get this far? WHY is he so powerful? Actually, you know what? Don't answer those questions. There is no way you can justify any of these attacks and still expect to have a successful character.

Overall, this character is poorly thought out. Severely overpowered, underdeveloped, one-dimensional, and to put it bluntly, a bad character. I cannot even tell you to improve this or fix that. Just throw this character out and start from scratch. This is how NOT to create a character.

[Dr. Casey]

Thanks a lot for the feedback, everyone. If you're all going to put that much effort into critiquing Ashton, then I'll put more effort into explaining how he got that power.

July 93 (1 Day Old): Ashton is born in Crysonia, a dimension comprised not of dirt and grass but crystals, to a housewife named Maria and a scientist named Stanley.

January 94 (Six months old): Around this time, the TSAB is involved in a losing war. To help turn the tides of battle, they kidnap babies from random dimensions and begin giving them artificial injections of magical power (Though this project is done in secret, of course, lest Nanoha and the others would protest); kids are needed because anyone above the age of six would die if subjected to this process. Ashton is taken from Crysonia.

January 94 - December 98 (Six months old to Age 5): Ashton is given a shot each and every morning to increase his magical power. Stanley's experiments become darker and more twisted as his grief grows heavier, and he starts dabbling in animal fusion so that animals can feel his pain as well. Maria requests that he discover a way to accelerate the aging process, so that they can commit suicide together and leave this hellish world. (They can't simply off themselves via a knife or gun because Maria and Stanley believe strongly in their promise to grow old together.)

December 98 (Age 5): Ashton is returned to his home world of Crysonia. The reunion between Ashton, Stanley, and Maria is one of the most touching that's ever been seen in any dimension.

July 99 (Age 6): For Ashton's sixth birthday, Stanley tells his son about some of the experiments he worked on while Ash was MIA. He purposefully excludes some of the more sinister projects, though, like animal fusion or aging manipulation.

April 100 (Age 6): While snooping around his father's laboratory, Ashton comes across his father's plans for animal fusion and senescence manipulation. These plans are discarded now that Ashton's returned and meaning has returned to Stanley's life, but Ashton thinks animal fusion sounds cool and begins attempting the process himself.

July 100 (Age 7): Ashton conducts animal fusion successfully for the first time, mixing together a black widow with a fire ant the day after his 7th birthday. Happy belated, Ashton.

November 101 (Age 8): Ashton combines three animals for the first time, a fish, toad, and cat.

August 103 (Age 10): Ashton combines four animals, a feat that even his father never accomplished.

November 106 (Age 13): The TSAB jumps around dimensions, gathering the kids used for the magical injection project of the 90s (They waited so long because the minimum age for joining the TSAB was raised to 13 during 95, after years of concerned adults and parents decrying the organization's habitual use of children in combat). They are told about the massive multidimensional conflict the TSAB is wrapped up in, the situation even more brutal and horrible now than twelve years before, and given a chance to join the war effort. Only one quarter of the kids agree to help, Ashton being amongst that quarter. There's one problem, however. Nanoha, Fate, Hayate, Vivio, Subaru, Teana, Caro, and Erio believe that even if 13 is the official minimum age, 13 is simply too young for a war as nasty as the one they're involved in. The kids who agreed to help are sent home while the grown-ups discuss their future.

November 106 - January 107 (Age 13): Debate rages between Team Nanoha and the higher-ups of the bureau. The bureau leaders argue that all these kids do have a suspiciously high level of magic, and that with some training they could be sent to the front lines within a year. Nanoha and the rest say they're just too young, and shouldn't be deployed until 16 at the earliest.

January 107 (Age 13): Nanoha's group wins. The eight adults travel around to the dimensions where dwell the kids that wished to fight in the war, hoping to apologize for preventing them from living out their dream. Nanoha herself meets up with Ashton and gives him two weapons as a token of apology. Ashton promises himself that one day he will join the TSAB so that he can bring happiness to people of all dimensions, just like Nanoha.

February 107 (Age 13): Ashton names his weapons Blue Moon and Red Ocean. It takes him a while because he's not good with names.

May 107 (Age 13): While wandering around one day, Ashton comes across an extremely rare crystal known as an Energy Crystal. What's an Energy Crystal, you ask? Well, it's a crystal that slowly imbues whoever touches it with power. This is no normal Energy Crystal, though - it's one hundred feet tall, the largest of its kind in all Crysonia. (It hasn't ever been discovered because Crysonia is a fairly unpopulated and extremely large dimension.) Suddenly, Ashton gets an idea. He returns home and brings his father to the Energy Crystal, asking if there's some way to harness its power. Stanley sets to work.

February 108 (Age 14): At long last, Stanley finishes his work on a device known as the Energy Chamber, an eight foot tall tube filled with the power of the Energy Crystal. Ashton enters, bringing the Blue Moon and Red Ocean along with him.

March 110 (Age 16): The Great War comes to an unexpectedly early close.

September 111 (Age 18): Ashton finally leaves the Energy Chamber. Both his magical powers along with those of his weapons, Blue Moon and Red Ocean, are astronomically increased from three and a half years of absorbing the Energy Crystal's power. Before departing for the TSAB, Ashton shows Blue Moon and Red Ocean the blueprints for some of his father's more devious plans - senescene control and matter transfiguration, namely - and asks if they can somehow devise magic spells that produce the same results as those experiments. A sort of blue magic, if you will. Blue Moon and Red Ocean store the blueprints in their memory and promise to try their best.

October 111 (Age 18): Ashton signs up with the Time-Space Administration Bureau. He's trained under the tutelage of his hero Nanoha. He asks Nanoha to teach him Starlight Breaker, but she has a strict policy to never teach such a powerful technique to any members of the future generation and refuses. When given breaks or leave, he returns home to Crysonia, though spends more time perfecting his Animal Fusion technique than meeting up with friends and family.

April 113 (Age 19): Blue Moon figures out a way to replicate Stanley's matter transfiguration experiment. Enter Neptune's Revenge.

August 114 (Age 21): Red Ocean does the same thing in regards to Stanley's manipulation of the aging process. Father Time's Broken Promise is added to Ashton's list of attacks. As per the Admiral's suggestion, this move has been weakened significantly. This updated version causes a person to age one year per day. A very effective, if somewhat cruel tool for blackmail. He first uses the technique in a kidnapping case, where the middle-aged criminal ends up returning the girl he took rather than risk death within two months (At which point Ashton returns the person to normal and brings him to custody).

September 115 (Age 22): A party is held to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the resolution of the Jail Scaglietti incident. Ashton asks a drunk Nanoha to teach him Starlight Breaker, to which she agrees. Whenever she sobers up, Nanoha is furious with herself for doing such a stupid thing, but since a promise is a promise, she starts training Ashton in the technique.

December 115 (Age 22): Ashton masters the Starlight Breaker. He returns home to Crysonia for the time being, eager to make use of the Energy Chamber once again and secure even more power.

February 118 (Age 24): Ashton, Blue Moon, and Red Ocean emerge from the Energy Chamber, vastly more powerful than before.

November 118 (Age 25): Ashton is bored. Seven years have passed since joining the TSAB, seven years of peace. The dimensions are quite adamant against returning to battle after the hellstorm years that comprised The Great War, and rescue missions are something given to him quite rarely since there's already several divisions in the organization dedicated to such a thing, and the Subaru type with idealistic dreams of bringing happiness to all are a dime a dozen. The last seven years haven't been composed of much but combat training with Nanoha and hanging out with the guys. To combat this boredom, Ashton brainstorms with Blue Moon and Red Ocean to come up with a new technique. The result is the Sunlight Breaker. Basically, Blue Moon and Red Ocean transfer every bit of their Energy Chamber-derived power to Ashton. Backed up with 17 years of concentrated power from the world's largest Energy Crystal, Ashton's capable of firing a shot three hundred times stronger than the Starlight Breaker. The energy transfer will destroy Blue and Red, however, and thirty-five years will be shaved off Ashton's life. Ashton, Blue Moon, and Red Ocean make a promise than in sixty years, once Ashton is reaching the end of his natural life, the Sunlight Breaker will be shot, and Ashton's days will end in a blaze of glory, firing the most powerful technique in the history of the world.

December 119 (Age 26): Ashton's boredom and thirst to use the power gained from the Energy Crystal pushes him over the edge. On the night of December 24th, he journeys across six dimensions which have a strained relationship with the Time-Space Administration Bureau and kills their leaders. Though they deny being responsible for the murders, the public believes the TSAB to be at fault.

January 120 (Age 26): Peace finally ends after ten long years. Ashton signs up for The Second Great War, the conflict that he started himself, and which he plans to do everything within his power to ensure the war remains heated and longlasting (ie killing leaders of other dimensions whenever the time comes, framing members of the TSAB at points to cause discord and internal strife, etc).



The story itself will be much more detailed, of course, that's just a basic outline. Anyway, how's that? Should Ashton still be toned down?

[Nya~n]

had a brief read-through since i'm still juggling a few things at the moment, but something stood out like a neon green lightstick in the darkness that i really had to point out.

Nanoha herself meets up with Ashton and gives him two weapons as a token of apology.

Strange, for someone who's been campaigning to keep people like him off the battleground... isn't this a little contradictory?


And yes, he definitely should be toned down. Such levels of overpoweredness is what the thread has always been striving against. We discourage even a Starlight Breaker level spell unless you have a really good reason for it, and you're actually pulling out 20, and there's even a spell that's 300 times more powerful. And the reason for his obscenely high mage ranking isn't quite justifiable. It's really pretty much an OVERPOWERED GARY STU.

[Wild Goose]

Making a quick speed read.

Just one thing: Ashton would be a quick target for a certain cowboy and other like-minded unsung soldiers. He's the kind of guy they take out to keep the TSAB running and in one piece.

Having said that, easiest way I can think of to kill Ashton would be either to knife him in his sleep, or have Psycho detonate a Fury on top of him. (Or a FENRIS, but let's not get into those...)

[Keroko]

Originally Posted by AdmiralTigerclaw

Wow, those attacks are... beyond haxx levels.

Keroko-kun: Can I-

Keroko-chan: No.

Keroko-kun: But this opening-

Keroko-chan: No.

Keroko-kun: Oh come on! You can't expect me to let this one slip!

Keroko-chan: Yes I can.

Keroko-kun: Spoilsport.

Jokes aside, I agree with the others. But lets dive into the explanation a bit:

Originally Posted by Dr. Casey

January 94 (Six months old): Around this time, the TSAB is involved in a losing war. To help turn the tides of battle, they kidnap babies from random dimensions and begin giving them artificial injections of magical power (Though this project is done in secret, of course, lest Nanoha and the others would protest); kids are needed because anyone above the age of six would die if subjected to this process. Ashton is taken from Crysonia.

Two, no three questions come to mind:

First, when is this war taking place? Second, who exactly is doing these experiments? Thirdly, why are they even using such a long-term solution when they already are losing?

Originally Posted by Dr. Casey

January 94 - December 98 (Six months old to Age 5): Ashton is given a shot each and every morning to increase his magical power. Stanley's experiments become darker and more twisted as his grief grows heavier, and he starts dabbling in animal fusion so that animals can feel his pain as well. Maria requests that he discover a way to accelerate the aging process, so that they can commit suicide together and leave this hellish world. (They can't simply off themselves via a knife or gun because Maria and Stanley believe strongly in their promise to grow old together.)

... A rather silly reason for speed aging, wouldn't you say?

Originally Posted by Dr. Casey

July 100 (Age 7): Ashton conducts animal fusion successfully for the first time, mixing together a black widow with a fire ant the day after his 7th birthday. Happy belated, Ashton.

... So he does extremely complicated magic, untrained, unsupervised, unassisted, at the age of 7?

Originally Posted by Dr. Casey

January 107 (Age 13): Nanoha's group wins. The eight adults travel around to the dimensions where dwell the kids that wished to fight in the war, hoping to apologize for preventing them from living out their dream. Nanoha herself meets up with Ashton and gives him two weapons as a token of apology. Ashton promises himself that one day he will join the TSAB so that he can bring happiness to people of all dimensions, just like Nanoha.

So she argued against sending these kids to war, and then gives one of those kids she thinks is too young two weapons....

That's kind of like saying 'go left' while pointing to the right, isn't it?

Originally Posted by Dr. Casey

September 111 (Age 18): Ashton finally leaves the Energy Chamber. Both his magical powers along with those of his weapons, Blue Moon and Red Ocean, are astronomically increased from three and a half years of absorbing the Energy Crystal's power.

... How astronomical are we talking?

Originally Posted by Dr. Casey

October 111 (Age 18): Ashton signs up with the Time-Space Administration Bureau. He's trained under the tutelage of his hero Nanoha. He asks Nanoha to teach him Starlight Breaker, but she has a strict policy to never teach such a powerful technique to any members of the future generation and refuses.

She didn't have much problems teaching it to Teana though.

Originally Posted by Dr. Casey

April 113 (Age 19): Blue Moon figures out a way to replicate Stanley's matter transfiguration experiment. Enter Neptune's Revenge.

Just like that?

Originally Posted by Dr. Casey

August 114 (Age 21): Red Ocean does the same thing in regards to Stanley's manipulation of the aging process. Father Time's Broken Promise is added to Ashton's list of attacks. As per the Admiral's suggestion, this move has been weakened significantly. This updated version causes a person to age one year per day. A very effective, if somewhat cruel tool for blackmail. He first uses the technique in a kidnapping case, where the middle-aged criminal ends up returning the girl he took rather than risk death within two months (At which point Ashton returns the person to normal and brings him to custody).

This makes me question why have the skill at all.

Originally Posted by Dr. Casey

Ashton asks a drunk Nanoha to teach him Starlight Breaker, to which she agrees. Whenever she sobers up, Nanoha is furious with herself for doing such a stupid thing, but since a promise is a promise, she starts training Ashton in the technique.

Yeah. Somehow I can't really see Nanoha holding herself to a promise she considers stupid.

Originally Posted by Dr. Casey

February 118 (Age 24): Ashton, Blue Moon, and Red Ocean emerge from the Energy Chamber, vastly more powerful than before.

Now these powerups of his are rather lame, don't you think?

Originally Posted by Dr. Casey

To combat this boredom, Ashton brainstorms with Blue Moon and Red Ocean to come up with a new technique. The result is the Sunlight Breaker. Basically, Blue Moon and Red Ocean transfer every bit of their Energy Chamber-derived power to Ashton. Backed up with 17 years of concentrated power from the world's largest Energy Crystal, Ashton's capable of firing a shot three hundred times stronger than the Starlight Breaker. The energy transfer will destroy Blue and Red, however, and thirty-five years will be shaved off Ashton's life. Ashton, Blue Moon, and Red Ocean make a promise than in sixty years, once Ashton is reaching the end of his natural life, the Sunlight Breaker will be shot, and Ashton's days will end in a blaze of glory, firing the most powerful technique in the history of the world.

Huzzah. Considering the power we've seen Starlight Breaker to be capable off, guess that means Ashton is officially the most powerful being on earth. Seriously, the power of 300 Starlight Breakers in one shot? Even with the cost, don't you think that's a bit much?

Originally Posted by Dr. Casey

December 119 (Age 26): Ashton's boredom and thirst to use the power gained from the Energy Crystal pushes him over the edge. On the night of December 24th, he journeys across six dimensions which have a strained relationship with the Time-Space Administration Bureau and kills their leaders. Though they deny being responsible for the murders, the public believes the TSAB to be at fault.

So the guy who idolized the Aces and craved nothing more that peace... just gets bored and decided to kill some faction leaders?

You might want to rethink that plot. This switch of characters is anything but convincing.

Originally Posted by Dr. Casey

The story itself will be much more detailed, of course, that's just a basic outline. Anyway, how's that? Should Ashton still be toned down?

Yes. 'A giant energy crystal' is hardly an acceptable plot-device for Ashton's absurd power. Especially since we know pumping large amounts of power into the body is a bad thing to do. We saw what it did to Nanoha, after all.

[AdmiralTigerclaw]

You want to joke at me for pointing out Haxx when I am in myself a frequent offender.

As they say: "Takes one to know one."

But even I know where to draw the line.

When your basic premise for an attack is a 3.3 kiloton DBZ wannabe, you know it's out the window absurd.

Nobody's commented on my idea for giving Crash and Lynn and Epic Showdown with Zed yet.

[hideki101]

I've been trying to fit some my OCs into the Nanohaverse, hence their powers may be somewhat unique to the Nanohaverse, but I hope they won't be found too overpowered.

Spoiler for characters:

Christopher Jinzler (Chris)

Height: 5'6"
Weight: 130ish pounds
Mage rank: AAA+
Mage type: Support type (Midchildian)

Chris is a somewhat laid-back personality, but has a strong sense of justice. He's also very unoffensive and will never attack first.

Abilities
Being a support type mage, he doesn't have any conventional offensive abilities at all, and relies on partners for offensive artillery. What he does do better than anyone are transportation spells, to the point where he can link two places together to form a sort of "gate". He's gotten proficient enough to do so in the heat of battle, and is able to redirect incoming projectile attacks (e.g.: a Divine Buster will enter a gate in front of him, and exit through the corresponding gate, usually off to the side, pointed at the attacker). He can also store discrete unit type attacks (e.g. Divine Shooter) in an otherspace pocket and release them later.

Note:
Chris is sort of an expy of one of my Original Characters. In the original story, he's an "esper" whose ability is to make such gates, and his job is to seal rouge gates that pop up every so often between his world and others. Basically, the ideal crossover character. In my own world, he's intact in the Nanohaverse, the Negimaverse, the Heroesverse, and wherever a rouge gate will take him next.

Erika Shizune (Eri)
Height: 5'3"
Weight: 103 pounds
Mage rank: N/A (C- analogous)
Mage type: N/A (support type analogous)

A scientist, Erika originally researched different power sources for the combat cyborg project. An incident concerning one such source left her with no left arm and severe brain damage. To repair the damage, she had the damaged portions of her brain replaced with a computer that uutilizes the incoming signals like any other part of her brain was. She also had her left arm replaced with a prosthetic. After that incident, she moved from making a power source to programing intelligent AIs. After the dissolution of the combat cyborg project, she continued to program AIs.

Abilities
Gifted with the ability to discern complex systems, her gift only increased with the artificial part of her brain. However, the artificial part of her brain is slowly growing larger, as the stress the normal neural cells come under and as they lose function, the artificial part expands into that part. In any case, due to her gift, her left hand came equiped with a fabricator that, using magic, is able to break things inside a projected field down, and rearrange the atomic structure. Organic things are too complex for her to discern and it takes too long to use in battle anyway. She's not a fighter, merely a scientist and engineer.

Note:
Erika comes likewise from the same setting as Chris. The back story is generally the same, save for her connection to the combat cyborg project. In the story, she runs a repair shop and does some inventing in her spare time. She's the one who's responsible for maintaining the place where Chris stores all the rouge gates.



Evangeline Shizune (Eva)
Height: 4'5"
Weight: 73 pounds
Mage rank: AA+
Mage type: Close Combat type (Belkan)

Formerly a Combat AI program, she went rouge after Erika put her into her brain for a while. After joyriding in Erika's body and a fight to regain control, Erika designed a gynoid type body for her ( Eva pretty much looks like a two-eyed Cinque with Nove's personality. And before anyone asks, I thought of her looks and personality before reading Negima. The name came after though; she was originally named Eve.) Somewhat of an completely neutral personality unless something aggravates her. Then she gets angry.

Abilities
Being a Combat Cyborg, she's extremely resilient against all sorts of attacks. Her combat abilities are mostly hand-to-hand, but her most comfortable pair of weapons are a pair of tonfa. In terms of mage abilities, she's fairly good at personal buffs, but not much in the way of magical attacks. Her combat abilities are most likely between Tre and Sacach (damn her name, I can't seem to remember how it's spelled)
IS: Linear Accelerator: Being a combat cyborg, she gets it in the form of a battle ready version of the fabricator that Erika designed. It projects a sphere of semi-transpearent energy around matter, breaks iit down, and allows her to use it to create objects. Stored templates in her mind allow for faster reconstruction, provided she has sufficient materials. The major offensive factor is the fact that she can put up to .5 Newtons of force on each atom, making the object inside reach relativistic speeds without shattering, within the distance enclosed inside the sphere. However, she can only do this on smaller objects, as they take up less energy to accelerate, and the range is only about 10m to 1km due to the projectile vaporizing through air resistance. However, depending on the size of the projectile and how much force she puts on it, she has an obcenely wide array of direct attacks from a C- ranked nearly unavoidable needle barrage to a (theoretically) multi-kiloton SS rank blast (that she'll probably never do due to the diameter of the explosion and the fact that she'll have to be within the blast radius, and power consumption. She's only AA+ ranked, so the most she could probably get at her level is something on the order of Hayate's Ragnerok as shown in A's).

Note:
Likewise as above. Just cut out all refrences to Nanoha.

Kind of a lot to write, I kinda got lazy at the end.