Dating

[Haruka_Kitten]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

That is why I put "normal" in front of the words "female otaku". Yaoi fandom is okay for me...as long as I don't set scenes for them (both the sisters like yaoi actually... quite scary if you think about it. They think that it's cute). Unline Yuri, Yaoi is very wrong and disgusting IRL, but in anime it should be fine.

*facepalm* I'm afraid the otaku culture will not exist without one or 2 really diehard nuts that go out of their way to prove their point.

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

If you take a photo of him and you together, you would probably receive reps from all the female members in this forum.

But seriously, you should think through it before taking your next step.

Haha, I look horrible in any photo (I still cannot believe how my facebook profile pic turned out ), but I bet it'll probably work.

Originally Posted by Kafriel

Make sure to say in what way, wouldn't want a misunderstanding now....well, I got my share of homo friends, although we don't even need to talk about it - we're good friends, but they know I'm straight, so they do their best to make me feel at ease, as do I.)

As in the "I think you're cute and I would definitely go out with you" like . It's not that he didn't know I was straight to begin with (I did tell him so), but I just (I'm not joking) woke up one morning and said "I'm not living this new life if I didn't try it once".

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Well, I still say think about it pretty carefully and be absolutely sure of yourself before you decide on what to do. The worst thing that can happen is that you end up on shaky ground with a good friend because you didn't look before you leaped.

I'm going to try carefully-ish (I have a knack for saying "Bugger all" and completely forgetting treading lightly, and it's gotten me into really hairy situations like fights). I have told him I am a bit nervous (Now I know how girls feel on their first date ). The friend thing does worry me too, as you do become good friends when you go out with someone (hence why it may be called a "Boyfriend"), however, I have maintained reasonable relationships with both of my ex-girlfriends. I still talk to them about random things.

Originally Posted by yoropa

Didn't expect my happiness and positive energy I had yesterday to die miserably in a fire storm today. Luckily it's unrelated to this infatuation of mine. I didn't really see her today much, but tomorrow chances are I'll be able to spend some time with her.

At least the sakura are in full bloom over here, makes the scenery at least a little prettier.

Wow, sounds like you just had a really bad day . Mind me knowing what happened?

[yoropa]

It's off topic, so I'll just leave it at "I need to graduate before social life kills me"
To get back on topic, I picked up a Korean learning CD from the library today. Maybe it will help me with this girl? Who knows.

I do know the girl herself actually did begin to learn my own native language as well. Would you consider that to be significant in any way, or no?

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by yoropa

It's off topic, so I'll just leave it at "I need to graduate before social life kills me"
To get back on topic, I picked up a Korean learning CD from the library today. Maybe it will help me with this girl? Who knows.

I do know the girl herself actually did begin to learn my own native language as well. Would you consider that to be significant in any way, or no?

That depends on the circumstances in which you learnt this. But from this and from the time she asks to call you "oppa" (which is a term Korean girls often call their lovers, if you didn't know), things are looking good.

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by yoropa

It's off topic, so I'll just leave it at "I need to graduate before social life kills me"
To get back on topic, I picked up a Korean learning CD from the library today. Maybe it will help me with this girl? Who knows.

I do know the girl herself actually did begin to learn my own native language as well. Would you consider that to be significant in any way, or no?

If both of you can speak English, use it as the medium of comms. I don't recommend communicating with her in Korean because it might make a fool out of yourself.

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

That depends on the circumstances in which you learnt this. But from this and from the time she asks to call you "oppa" (which is a term Korean girls often call their lovers, if you didn't know), things are looking good.

Add an "i" behind and.... *IS SHOT*

[UltimaWolf]

Ok, so kinda long and wierd problem I have. I won't go into detail at the moment about everything, but basicly somthing happened when me and my ex girlfriend went out of town last week to visit her best friend.
Now me and my ex gf have been sorta on and off for about a year, we really don't fight or argue, just stuff keeps coming up or happening. We have been very close lately, kissing, sleeping together whenever we can(not sex just actual sleeping) and just basicly hanging out daily. Now on our vacation everything was going pretty good till the night before we had to leave back when her, her best friend and her boyfriend got drunk at her house, I didn't drink.

Anyways earlier that day, my ex gf told me to use her phone to text her friend where to meet while she was using the bathroom, while opening her inbox up, I noticed a text from her ex bf before me, I stupidly opened it up and saw that the night before she had texted him she loved him and missed him and that she wished she was with him right now...Now I didn't say anything to her I just texted her friend and went on like normal. I guess my next mistake was being hurt and having to talk to somone about it, so I text my only guy friend I can trust, I basicly tell him that I saw the text, and that I know its normal for you to still love your ex's etc but it still hurt to see that. We sent a few texts back to each other and that was it. Fast forward back to that night. My ex and her friend had ALOT to drink, they were giggly, couldn't walk straight, saying stupid things, etc not throwing up luckily enough but still very tipsy.
While we are playing a board game somehow my ex says somthing to the effect that she likes to tease me, so I kinda distance myself and dont talk much, just to prove I guess that her teasing won't work on me.
They both are having way too much to drink, so while they are busy with the game I hide the alcohol. After a bit they notice it missing and try to look for it, begging me to tell them where it is, I don't and they keep looking. They eventually find it, but luckily don't drink anymore...now for some reason while her friend and her boyfriend are getting ready for bed, my ex comes up and randomly hugs me, thinking its just the alcohol i don't do anything, but then she whispers I love you, to me, I tell her no she doesn't, she then says "Just because you act like a douchebag sometimes doesn't mean I can't love you, just because I get mad at you doesn't mean I can't love you right?" I just say right and hug her back, she then gets ready for bed too....Now...here is where the problems starts.
She's in her bed when she just gets up and comes over to me and tries to grab my phone, I ask her why and she says she saw me text stuff about her and she wants to know what, I tell her shes drunk and to go get some sleep, so she lays down. I tell her i'm gonna take a shower...Now at this point i'm trying to think how she could know I texted my friend, I figured she must have glanced over or somthing and saw a bit of it or somthing cause theres no other way she could have known.
Now the lock on the bathroom door is apparently not so good, cause while I'm changing the door handle wiggles and it unlocks and she comes in, she wants to see my phone again, so I show her a few texts thinking that'll be good. Then she kinda flips out I guess, saying how I ruined her trip, and that I need to be more of a man, and that she hates me and storms off outside. Not wanting her to do anything stupid while shes drunk at like 3am in the morning I follow her. She tells me she is going to sleep in her car and to leave her alone...though it wasn't as nice as that...and so I eventually go back inside and shower, I hear the door open and close, so I get out of the shower and find her laying back in bed. I decide to sleep on the ocuch instead of with her. That morning I wake up to the sound of her getting up,etc but I don't 'wake up' a little bit later she ends up putting a blanket over me, before leaving with her friend to go shopping while I'm still 'asleep'.

The rest of that day went normal and the ride back home was ok. But now that we are back home, we havent really talked to each other much, I hafta see her tomorrow but i'm not really sure what to do...
I guess I'm hoping she was just saying some/most of that cause of the alcohol and that we could still be friends if not more. But a part of me wonders if its even worth trying, and I guess I'm also afraid that if I do confront her it'll make it worse since if she Did see somthing I'll have to explain it and I don't want her to think I like stalk what she does cause that isn't the case...I know I shouldn't have looked but I was curious. But even if she didn't see anything and she was just being paranoid cause she thought I was saying somthing, why did she go from 'i love you' to 'i hate you'? bleh I just don't know if its the alcohol or want...guess I just wanted to rant...sorry if this went on too long, you all can ignore it if you like On a side note: her ex before me lives in several states away and is engaged, so too be honest, I really really doubt anything can even happen between them now.

[cheyannew]

Originally Posted by UltimaWolf

she then says "Just because you act like a douchebag sometimes doesn't mean I can't love you, just because I get mad at you doesn't mean I can't love you right?"

I'm sorry, I missed the memo where loving someone involves talking to them in this manner.....

All in all, sounds like you're far better off without her. Alcohol oft brings out certain behaviours because it lowers people's barriers, so to speak. Putting that and her txting her ex together, I wouldn't bother interacting with her at all. You returned from your trip, and you're done, you don't have to deal with the verbal abuse, explosions of immaturity/temper, or any of that other crap anymore.

Whether anythign would happen between her & her ex is rather irrelevant. That she wishes she were with HIM, and not YOU, however, is relevant.

My overly harsh advice? Here's some soap. Wash your hands of that waste of time, and find someone who's more mentally stable.

[Tsuyoshi]

I generally agree with Chey. To me she seems like she's split between you and another guy she probably even knows she has no chances with. To say that sort of thing and then throw a tantrum just isn't right. If she really loved you, she wouldn't have sent a text to her ex iibh. The she said she loves you under influence though might mean she's telling the truth. It does lower people's barriers and most people I've known tend to reveal things about themselves they'd rather want to keep hidden. What I'm also wondering is why she'd ask you of all people to sned a text to her friend. Why couldn't she do it herself? It's not like texting someone can take so long. I may be reading too much into this, but maybe she wanted you to read that particular text and that it was actually meant for you and not her ex? But that's pretty farfetched....

[RadiantBeam]

Just going to agree with Chey, really. Loving someone doesn't give you the right to verbally abuse them, or to treat them cruelly. Though considering she was under the influence, I wonder just how genuine some of her words are; I've heard that getting drunk can lower a person's natural defenses and make them say things they don't usually say, but that's hardly anything to go by. In any case, don't worry about it too much. It's over with, and if she wants to act like nothing happened, then you can too.

[Kafriel]

Having info on your age would help a lot, either way I suspect it's just a storm in a teacup: she drinks too much for your taste, and hangs out with people you don't want her to be around. Just tell her up front that if she wants to love you, she'll have to get rid of those two.
If it were me....

"Just because you act like a douchebag sometimes doesn't mean I can't love you, just because I get mad at you doesn't mean I can't love you right?"

You don't have the right to love me anymore, if you want it so much you'll have to earn it back -shuts door-.
Everyone is selfish to some extent, accepting others is very important. If she can't even begin to understand your feelings, you'll be talking to a wall.

I've heard that getting drunk can lower a person's natural defenses and make them say things they don't usually say, but that's hardly anything to go by.

I know that getting drunk gives you a hell of a headache and a very insecure mood. Add the sleepy effect and you got someone who's in no position to talk.

[Shiemi]

UltimaWolf, I agree with what the others have said. There are too many negatives (drinking too much, loving her ex, treating you like crap.) The fact that you checked her text messages too when you were to text her friend can have a background of you internally not trusting her too. In that sense, it wouldn't work either when there's no trust. If she still loves her ex, she has issues to deal with and is not ready for a relationship. You're definitely better off without.

[Nervous Venus]

Originally Posted by UltimaWolf

She tells me she is going to sleep in her car and to leave her alone...though it wasn't as nice as that...and so I eventually go back inside and shower

The softie in me almost wished that you had stayed outside with her (even if you had to sit a distance away), instead of traipsing inside by yourself to shower and leaving a drunk girl alone in her car.

I don't think it was right of her to say those things to you, but I don't think it was right for you to check her messages either.

I think the both of you need to sit down (when she's sober, at least) and have a long talk. It seems like you're beating around the bush with her, and both of you are keeping your feelings hidden from each other, and that's not good for the both of you in the long run.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Nervous Venus

The softie in me almost wished that you had stayed outside with her (even if you had to sit a distance away), instead of traipsing inside by yourself to shower and leaving a drunk girl alone in her car.

Considering that she was drunk and wanted to be left alone, I think he made the right decision. Even if he'd followed her and stayed a distance away, I imagine she still would have gotten angry at him, so he was really in a no win situation; he could have gone with her, but he might have just made things worse by not giving her distance when she wanted it.

I think the both of you need to sit down (when she's sober, at least) and have a long talk. It seems like you're beating around the bush with her, and both of you are keeping your feelings hidden from each other, and that's not good for the both of you in the long run.

I don't really think there's anything for either of them to discuss at this point. I do think the situation was made worse by the fact that there was an "off and on" thing going on with them even though they were officially separated, and it seems that she has some conflicted emotions over him and her other ex. IMO, the best decision is to wait and see if she says anything about it first before deciding what to do next.

[psycho_luny]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

I don't really think there's anything for either of them to discuss at this point. I do think the situation was made worse by the fact that there was an "off and on" thing going on with them even though they were officially separated, and it seems that she has some conflicted emotions over him and her other ex. IMO, the best decision is to wait and see if she says anything about it first before deciding what to do next.

well i would say that it's best to atleast talk about it, talking never hurts. in this case it will most likely clear up a whole lot and in the conversation they could decide wether to go on like this or cut their losses.
and that waiting could make it worse in case he wants to continou with her, for it might come over as not caring about her.

[yoropa]

I got a chance to talk to her a lot today. I didn't ask her out, but we talked. And the more we talked the more sweet this girl becomes. She truly is a good person.

And unfortunately shortly after that, unrelated, I got penned with a ridiculous amount of racist terms against me by freshmen, completely ruining the mood. -_- I woulda wailed on them but I gots a cold and my muscles all hurt.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by psycho_luny

well i would say that it's best to atleast talk about it, talking never hurts. in this case it will most likely clear up a whole lot and in the conversation they could decide wether to go on like this or cut their losses.
and that waiting could make it worse in case he wants to continou with her, for it might come over as not caring about her.

Part of the problem here is that there's blame on both sides. She obviously treated him badly, no denying that, but he shouldn't have gone through her messages like he did, even if he was just curious and meant no harm by it. That said, unless she confronts him over it specifically while sober, I see no reason for them to talk again about it, since there largely seems to be no harm done. Especially considering I'm not a big fan of the whole "Give my ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love toy a second chance", so the thought of him reaching out to her as a "just in case" manuver seems low to me.

[psycho_luny]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Part of the problem here is that there's blame on both sides. She obviously treated him badly, no denying that, but he shouldn't have gone through her messages like he did, even if he was just curious and meant no harm by it. That said, unless she confronts him over it specifically while sober, I see no reason for them to talk again about it, since there largely seems to be no harm done. Especially considering I'm not a big fan of the whole "Give my ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love toy a second chance", so the thought of him reaching out to her as a "just in case" manuver seems low to me.

still a talk should have been necessary, only to clear up the things that might disturb each. it shouldn't even have to be about that single thing, but only to know how they should continou. if what they have or what they want is resonable and realistic. if not to finally close the entire affair between the 2.
i would say that if your really in love, even you would believe in

"Give my ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love toy a second chance"

, so i understand where he's coming from. you can't order the heart what the mind wants.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by psycho_luny

i would say that if your really in love, even you would believe in , so i understand where he's coming from. you can't order the heart what the mind wants.

IMO, whether or not you love someone or have the capability to love at all isn't a measure of deciding to take back someone who has hurt you or mistreated you. And I believe that you mean something more along the lines of "The mind cannot control the heart".

[psycho_luny]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

IMO, whether or not you love someone or have the capability to love at all isn't a measure of deciding to take back someone who has hurt you or mistreated you. And I believe that you mean something more along the lines of "The mind cannot control the heart".

trust me i see that hurt part every day and the female doesn't stop loving the male and gives him a second chance every time.
in the end it comes to how much you love someone and how much that love blinds you. love makes you set aside or even forget about the pain the other has inflicted upon you.
yeah, i meant that.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by psycho_luny

trust me i see that hurt part every day and the female doesn't stop loving the male and gives him a second chance every time.
in the end it comes to how much you love someone and how much that love blinds you. love makes you set aside or even forget about the pain the other has inflicted upon you.
yeah, i meant that.

I call BS on that, mostly because IMO there's only so much pain a person can take before they set down their foot and say, "I've had enough of this." Just because you love someone, no matter how deeply, doesn't give you a decent excuse to go back to them again and again, especially if they've hurt you before or mistreated you. There's only so far love can go in some circumstances, it isn't the instant cure for everything.

[psycho_luny]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

I call BS on that, mostly because IMO there's only so much pain a person can take before they set down their foot and say, "I've had enough of this." Just because you love someone, no matter how deeply, doesn't give you a decent excuse to go back to them again and again, especially if they've hurt you before or mistreated you. There's only so far love can go in some circumstances, it isn't the instant cure for everything.

no it's the painkillers that makes you numb of the pain, so that you won't feel it. but yeah after sooooo many times even love can't persuade you to go back. but before that time comes, love is quite capablle numbing the pain and affecting you so that you decide to give the other side a second chance.