Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha Character Creation and Discussion (second reincarnation)

[Liingo]

Nice job on the above. Now if you could just spoiler tag it, that'd be great

Just one question, who's Lynn? As I can't recall seeing her appear in any of the earlier chapters.

[AdmiralTigerclaw]

That's such a short scene, I'm not bothering to spoiler it. (Seeing as I don't seem to get any responses for two weeks when I do... and it's smaller than most of the Backlog Breakers that appear 'round here.)


On Lynn: She arrived at the end of the last chapter to bail Hayate's bacon out of the fire. See the Index post, and see my section on Shock Enforcers.

[Evangelion Xgouki]

OC thread is slow thread....

[Kha]

Well we've gone from MC 0075 to AD 1945 for the time being...

[AdmiralTigerclaw]

I'm still here.




Eternal Vigilance...

[dkellis]

ATC, I've said it before and I'm going to say it again: please don't post large images like that un-thumbnailed or un-spoilered. It's distracting, it's annoying, and it serves no useful purpose.

It's also the primary reason why I had to switch back to Firefox 3 rather than Google Chrome, because Chrome has no Adblock yet.

[Wild Goose]

Behold, the Vulcan has returned!

How's life been, DK?

[Kazuya Shiranami]

Originally Posted by Saint X

Well, this profile is long due...

Another profile from my pending incoming OCs dossier...

Something inspired by ROD...

Spoiler for Phasing Mirror: Ms. Deep(er):

Name: Anita Makohari
Alias / Nickname: Annie
Age: 16
Gender: Female
Birthday: Sed (November) 13, MCY 0059
Hair: Tomboyish Grade short pink hair.
Eyes: Strangely, Baby Blue eyes.
Build:
Height:
Weight:
Homeworld: Ordered Space Registry No. 0001-041400, Administrated World 1, Midea.
Heritage: Second Generation of Earth Ancestry with Japanese Origins. Civil Registry dates Establishment and Naturalization of Family Name by MCY 48. (Though there are possibly more than one such Family in Ordered Space, the date of "Establishment and Naturalization of Family Name" means the date that this particular Family was fully registered, family tree logged (from originating/applying/first generation family members to already existing relatives) and verified separate from other same name families in the Civil Registry).
Magic System: Mid-Type
Magic Color: Dark Blue-green
Mage Rank: Linker Core Levels show a potential of AA, actual output indicates B, is raised to A after graduation
Threat Level: Estimated Threat Level currently at A+, will tone down/up / be retained as evaluations continue.
Personality: Outgoing and tomboyish, but with a blend of a rather well feminine side.
Affiliation: TSAB Academy Special Cadets Group A. (in Canon, theory this would have been the group that trained the 3 Aces).

Device/s: Name not yet known.

Device type: Storage Device. Takes the form of a Black Trimmed Revolver that was actually her instructor's, now re-engineered to allow magic energy discharge with Magic Cartridges aside from the non-magical ordinance that it once used.

There are no skills so far since so far, she's only able to fire off magical energy as simple shots, not yet complex spells.

Spoiler for Other Information:

Spoiler for About Mirroring:

Mirorring is the Semi-magical (since the Linker Core is involved but only to a point), ability to take the visual identity of a person in almost perfect detail, the quality and length on time dependent on the person's concentration and magical capacity to maintain the illusion. The only problem is that she cannot mimic the voice or mannerisms of the target person

Spoiler for About Phasing:

Phasing is the semi-magical ability for a person to pass thru any material, almost similar to Sei's IS but with an expanded capability to pass thru organic materials as well. Though she has an unlimited phasing-in time (time that she can spend inside the material she's phased in), she needs to wait 15-20 seconds in between phases and can only phase thru anything that she is aware of- so a sudden backstab will still injure her while she can survive the firing squad- at least on the first volley.

Spoiler for History:

Born the "princess" of the Makohari Family, since so far, she is the youngest and only girl of 3 siblings, she was well-pampered but was nonetheless tomboyish, sometimes hanging out with other boys, especially with neighbor Yami Readman, the son of a family best friend. But by some economic and monetary/financial concerns forced the Makoharis to move to another principality. It was a somewhat emotionally jarring phase that was quickly replaced by good experiences in a new place.

Her powers were discovered purely by accident. A street fight that gone bad has managed to include other passers-by, including the young Anita who was taken hostage and somehow taken to the roof deck of a nearby hotel. Police managed to neutralize the hostage taker but as a result, Anita was pushed off into a yet unfinished part of the deck fence and began to fall down towards the hotel's storage shed, which was built with concrete but had at that time, boxes, foam pads and mattresses being held for storage at the moment. They expected the worst but when then looked at the roof and the surroundings of the shed, no signs of anything, until they opened the shed, finding an injured Anita in the pile of boxes, foam and mattresses.

She managed to survive a lethal fall, and a separate investigation was made to determine how she managed to survive. After a rather short investigation, it was determined that she had the capability to pass thru objects but a magical screening resulted in a discovery of a linker core that is weak enough to be called neutral- confounding the investigators, as most of them have never heard of a magical skill being used in such a low, almost non-magical state. Nonetheless, a report was submitted to the Bureau for further checking but it was somehow left untouched due to issues.

After being released, she again lived a normal life, relishing the stories her parents told her, especially about "their adventures as spies and special agents". Well, this may have been a factor for her choice to join the Bureau as a investigations officer. Once she enlisted, the file about her was rediscovered and it was due to this oddity that she was assigned to the Special Cadets Group, a Group of Cadets with extraordinary (when compared to the rest of the Bureau Cadets) abilities, strange circumstances and unheard of manners of things- resulting in a rather strange reunion with an old friend.

Read and Review

wow i like it specially the mirroring ability, about the phase ability if im wright she can be inside for example a metalic wall but is she cant move to a wall whit different composition or material?

[TerranReaper]

I'm kinda new here so can anyone tell me what is this discussion is about?

[AdmiralTigerclaw]

The topic is (See Page One.)

[Saint X]

Originally Posted by Kazuya Shiranami

wow i like it specially the mirroring ability, about the phase ability if im wright she can be inside for example a metalic wall but is she cant move to a wall whit different composition or material?

Well, she can move thru anything she is aware of.

That's why she can probably rip out an enemy's heart from inside a wall.

[Comartemis]

Originally Posted by AdmiralTigerclaw

The topic is (See Page One.)

...and the award for being minimally helpful goes to ATC!

*Comar throws confetti everywhere then whacks ATC with a hyperspace mallet*

@TerranReaper: Okay, to be a lot more specific than good old Tigerclaw here, this here is the Nanoha Original Characters thread, as you've probably figured out just from the thread title. This is a nice little corner of the Nanoha board where we come up with our own characters, sometimes for fanfiction purposes but sometimes just for fun. We're kinda crazy like that.

If you want to join the fun, all you have to do is follow a few simple rules:

#1: Follow the layout of character presentation provided on the first post in the thread, which ATC linked you to. It doesn't have to follow the presented format exactly, but make sure your character is well thought-out before you post his/her profile information. There's a long list of characters presented in such a fashion in the second post on the first page, so take a look at those for a good starting point.

#2: It is an unspoken rule (which got spoken quite a bit when I first started posting here ) that you don't make characters that are stronger than Nanoha, Fate, or especially Hayate unless you've got a really good reason to do so or if the character has a special need to be stronger than the Aces. For example, if the character in question is a villain you're much more likely to get away with having him be stronger than the Aces, but you'll still need some pretty good justification to get him past the spot-checkers and haxxbusters (these are the guys who go over your character and see if he's balanced and developed enough to be put into the thread's collection of characters).

...hmmm... can't think of any others at the moment. I'm pretty sure there's more, but it's possible I can't think of more because they're so obvious as to be slipping under my nose. Anybody got any other advice for the new guy?

Oh, and as to the discussion: the rule about keeping up with the discussion is more to keep people from dropping profiles into the thread and then not sticking around to talk about them. We don't expect you to read through +200 pages of backlog, so just post your character or an idea you have for one, we'll give you some feedback, and we'll work you into the discussion through continuing work on your character.

*EDIT*
Oh wait!

#3: Make sure your character conforms to the way the Nanoha universe is set up. That is to say, don't make a character who uses magic according to the Slayers or Negima styles unless you're prepared to port the entire magic system into a Nanohaverse-friendly form, or a character whose magic source is something other than the linker core.

#4: Don't be afraid to ask questions, even if you think it's a stupid question with an obvious answer. We're here to help each other and have fun first and foremost, so if you're confused about something, by all means ask away.

[Tempy]

Originally Posted by Comartemis

[insert advice here]

I'd add on to be receptive to criticisms and advice. Creating a character then ignoring / countering people's comments to be less-than-developed parts of the character is a fast track of getting on others' bad sides. We're here to help, but we're also here to ensure quality.

[TerranReaper]

Thx for everything yo. I actually have a character in mind but he is not a magic user but.....he is a human, or perhaps I'll call him a Terran. I'll have details sent in later. If you want to catch a glimpse of him, go check my fanfic Alpha Outbreak.

[Kha]

Ah welcome Terran. We don't get Neutrals/Muggles/Mundanes/Non-magicusers (depending on the naming system you use) that often, Terran is a nice break.

I haven't been reading FF so much, but your work sounds related to Starcraft.

In belated news, SC2 announced! In 3 parts. -.-

And it appears someone got slagged by the Skyfall Mobital Bomb.

[AdmiralTigerclaw]

Just kind of going to scrape up some ideas here now...

I've got the Forwards training battle segment coming up soon, I figure I better work on the Versatility of Crash's Multiform Rifle.


I would say the MFR operates on a shooter's variable bullet selection like what Tia uses... but with a minor selection compared to what she has. (She has at least six classes of bullet... if "Bullet F" is any indicator.)

The MFR fires the following:

Generic Rpund
Average bolt speed, delivers mixed kinetic, magical, and thermal shot.
Rate of fire inversely propotional to energy delivery. Higher energy shots cannot be fired as fast. Nearly all the shots Crash has fired to this point have been G-Rounds.

Thermal Round (T-Round)
Crash used it on the M-79 Zed was using. Thermal rounds do exactly what the name says... heat things up. Unfortunately, they're slow and short ranged.

Percussion Round (I just live saying "P-CUSSHIN") (P-Round)
Not yet used, an assault classed round used for entry procedures, similar to a low yield flashbang... without the flash. A Percussion Bolt produces a small 'explosion' on impact, creating a sharp clap of air that stuns nearby organics. (Just imagine if suddenly, someone kept slapping you across the ears, making you dizzy.)
The Percussion Round is not as useful in open spaces as it is in closed rooms.


S3I "Shriek" Round
Standing for "Super-Sonic Soft Impact", nicknamed the 'Shriek' Round, this particular magic round delivers kinetic energy at high velocity in the same manner of a bullet... but has a consistency much more like a slightly hardened jelly, allowing it to 'splatter' at impact and spread for force of the hit over a large area, behaving more like a remote PUNCH than a bullet. This is excelent for hitting targets with an attack type they'll actually feel in a more economic fashon.
Roland, when he confiscates the Multiform Rifle from Crash, will use Shrieks in his little example of why standing around in the open is the stupidest thing he's ever seen. Crash does not know about the Shreik round's setting until Roland uses the MFR.
Shriek rounds travel at realistic bullet speeds. (~900 m/s)

Spoiler for Battery: Administrator Access Cooper 123, Mega Tech Extreme, Giant Robot KING:

S2AP "Strap" Round --NOT ENABLED--
The Super-Sonic Armor Piercing 'Strap' bullet is a compressed kinetic delivery magic round. The Strap round is considered a Lethal Force classification magic attack with propperties similar to an armor piercing bullet. It was installed at Roland's behest in case of critical emergency. (Which will be provided later in the story.) Like the Shriek, Crash does not know about this round setting, and Roland has it 'locked out' at the device supervisor (Cooper) level to prevent accidental selection.

Asside from that, cartridge loads allow the MFR to fire 'grenades', and busters in the same user managed effects as any other shooting mage.

[TerranReaper]

Hmm....a high ranking official.....this should be interesting. He'll be running the the Terran Space Force Command and coordinating attacks from his space cruiser Saratoga.

Name: Kiethon Marshall
Rank: Fleet Admiral
Gender: Male
Looks: Crew cut hairstyle, tall, blue eyes, sharp chin and nose, looks that say "I'm in charge"
Alignment: Chaotic Good (He favors battle)
Personality: Outgoing, calm, kind (especially to Vita), military leader
Powers: None as he is a human. So his only form of attacks are a railgun(it is being researched in real life) and assault rifle
Background: He is a mix of American and Japanese (not really significant, just a background check). Kiethon spent his life in the Okinawa Marine Academy. As young as 12 he went into battles against rebels that resided on Mars. He is quite outstanding and prefers to do fight on the battlefield rather than just sit back and give commands. During the age of 29 he became Fleet Admiral of the Terran Space Force Command and that was when most of his troubles occured. He had to curb the outbreak of Alpha Strain virus mutants rampaging Earth and deal with an unknown cruiser (a TSAB cruiser) that strayed into Terran-controlled space. Of course, he messed up and accidentally sent a negotiator who was an Alpha Strain hive to Mid-Childa to hear explanations on why they intruded Terran-controlled space. You know what happens next.
Command ship: TSF Titan-class battle cruiser Saratoga (It does have powerful guns and it is big but it ain't tough. Just another prototype)
Military Regiment he owns: ZOCOM (equivalent to Mobile Section 6)

[Tempy]

Originally Posted by TerranReaper

Hmm....a high ranking official.....this should be interesting. He'll be running the the Terran Space Force Command and coordinating attacks from his space cruiser Saratoga.

Name: Kiethon Marshall
Rank: Fleet Admiral
Gender: Male
Looks: Crew cut hairstyle, tall, blue eyes, sharp chin and nose, looks that say "I'm in charge"
Alignment: Chaotic Good (He favors battle)
Personality: Outgoing, calm, kind (especially to Vita), military leader
Powers: None as he is a human. So his only form of attacks are a railgun and energy blade
Background: He is a mix of American and Japanese. Kiethon spent his life in the Okinawa Marine Academy. As young as 12 he went into battles against rebels that resided on Mars. He is quite outstanding and prefers to do fight on the battlefield rather than just sit back and give commands. During the age of 29 he became Fleet Admiral of the Terran Space Force Command and that was when most of his troubles occured. He had to curb the outbreak of Alpha Strain virus mutants rampaging Earth and deal with an unknown cruiser (a TSAB cruiser) that strayed into Terran-controlled space. Of course, he messed up and accidentally sent a negotiator who was an Alpha Strain hive to Mid-Childa to hear explanations on why they intruded Terran-controlled space. You know what happens next.
Command ship: TSF Titan-class battle cruiser Saratoga
Military Regiment he owns: ZOCOM (equivalent to Mobile Section 6)

Hmmm this is a bit bare bones to work with, to be honest. Already, however, there are some problems I see.

The biggest, most glaring issue with this is the technology of Earth compared to the series. At the time of A's, the year on Earth is 2005 AD. In StrikerS, it is 2015 AD. Considering today's technological growth, such a level of tech is impossible for Earth to have. Mid-Childan technology != Earth technology.

Do you intend on making a whole new alternate universe / timeline to work with this? It will be your only choice should you intend on keeping the history.

[TerranReaper]

Originally Posted by Tempest Dynasty

Hmmm this is a bit bare bones to work with, to be honest. Already, however, there are some problems I see.

The biggest, most glaring issue with this is the technology of Earth compared to the series. At the time of A's, the year on Earth is 2005 AD. In StrikerS, it is 2015 AD. Considering today's technological growth, such a level of tech is impossible for Earth to have. Mid-Childan technology != Earth technology.

Do you intend on making a whole new alternate universe / timeline to work with this? It will be your only choice should you intend on keeping the history.

I've changed a few things.

[Tempy]

Originally Posted by TerranReaper

It's fictional but that is how my view of 2015 Earth should be. Earth mastered nano-research, nano-construction and advanced hyperspace tech. With these, Terrans are able to create regeneratable carbon nanotube armors and space drives in secrecy. When it was time to reveal their tech in the year 2009, it brought about changes that you see in 2015. Just imagine that every building can be constructed in just hours as nanobots work at top speed to piece every bit of the building together. Space ships might take a longer time...5 months at least. Hopefully that answered your question. I repeat: Mid-Childan tech and Terran tech are not the same. Terrans don't do magic nor have they got any talking devices. Even with all the armor, Terrans are still weak so the odds with the Mid-Childan mages have been evened out. One has to rely on too much magic while the other rely too much on guns. Still, thx for your views though.

Perhaps you should explain in detail the alternative history of this Earth in detail so as to avoid any extraneous commentary. As it stands, this history will leave your readers confused as to how different everything is, as we as a community are far more familiar with a contemporary Earth rather than a technologically advanced one.