A Laugh A Day

[Raiga]

Originally Posted by ShimatheKat

The Jewish jumper and the male imposter

I know this is technically news, but...

That photo... like, how the hell did they fall for that? o_O Did he have a really high voice and feminine mannerisms?

[radioIzzy]

I was at the Rocky mountains during the summer and in the gondola building I saw this. Couln't help but take a picture. :3

[ZephyrLeanne]

Originally Posted by radioIzzy

I was at the Rocky mountains during the summer and in the gondola building I saw this. Couln't help but take a picture. :3

Does that thing provide for the release of CO2 when activated? Cool.

[Xion Valkyrie]

Originally Posted by radioIzzy

I was at the Rocky mountains during the summer and in the gondola building I saw this. Couln't help but take a picture. :3

I wonder if whoever painted that went oh shit for a second before deciding it's too much trouble to do it over.

[ZephyrLeanne]

Originally Posted by Xion Valkyrie

I wonder if whoever painted that went oh shit for a second before deciding it's too much trouble to do it over.

Like, it's just a sticker.

[Patriot's Blade]

[Tsuyoshi]

Spoiler for Quote:

Originally Posted by DRAGUN H.E.X.

Gahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!! EPIC

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's a "penny for your
thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be
a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss
America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you
naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he / she call?


Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you
to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license,
are you going to be smiling?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about
him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?


Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!

What do you call male ballerinas? (according to Jessica Simpson, they
are called ballerinos - LOL).

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

If "Wyle E. Coyote" had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why
didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Do the Alphabet Song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but
call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your bottom?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the
window?

[SaintessHeart]

I am under a stormcloud today due to horrible office politics at work, so I shall be a grinch on these.

Can you cry under water?

Yes.

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

Assassination is due to an ideological, political or military motive. Murder is killing of another for personal or undefined purposes.

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

If there is only one bank, it will take only one robbery for you to lose all your money. Like the tree, having branches means that it is able to siphon resources from multiple places at once.

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Have you ever seen a cow, pig or chicken with a SQUARE body?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's a "penny for your
thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

You GIVE one for your thoughts, and PAY another to get something in return. You are the one who wanted to SHARE your thoughts anyway, not the person whom you are sharing with.

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
buried in for eternity?

Why do you need extra clothes in afterlife? Heaven is supposed to be squeaky clean and free of dirt, while hell will burn your clothes with its fire.

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

So it is easier to lift a slice out of the box as you have space to put your fingers for the first slice. Unless you are willing to take the extra effort to open the sides of the box or risk scalding yourself in the hot cheese on top.

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Bacteria which makes the food rot. That is why it is also called preserved meat.

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be
a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

It looks less stupid to jump than roll around.

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
like every two hours?

Have you ever seen a baby who was awkwardly conscious of its surrounding? If its mother is comforting it under a mortar attack, it would still sleep. The metaphor is just to symbolise how zombified people have become in their sleep.

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Yes. He is not the only one with problems with his ear.

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

I don't know. I didn't get fired when I did while doing paperwork.

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Movies are different from TV shows because of their extensively immersive nature. TV shows are not as much, just enough so the audience are on top of what is going on.

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Using right angled triangles and angles of elevation, it is shown that we can see more things at a higher ground without having to move much longer distances to see everything we want.

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss
America?

When it comes to bullshitting, only one out of two can be the best. When it comes to finding the best girl, you have to gauge and equally balance out their boob size, butt size, intelligence, moe...........

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Not all. Some stay, others leave out of respect because they don't want you to be consciously embarrassed.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he / she call?

His/her colleague.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

No. It is just a soup, not some mind-enhancing drug.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

I think it is Eve.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

So it toasts bread faster and you can manually ping it. You never tried toasting bread and tying your bootlaces at the same time?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Most instant food are to be chilled not frozen, unless you are the one who craves for ice-cream in the middle of the night. Then you can buy the type of fridge with lights in both compartments.

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you
to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license,
are you going to be smiling?

According to psychology, a sincere smile can calm the opposing party down. When you are stopped by the police, the latter is the one opposing you, not vice versa. Calming him down is your best course of action to just get a warning or ticket rather than a .38 through your head.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about
him?

The songwriters probably mistook him taking crack with corn.

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

Why not? The driver is sharing the car with the one behind him.

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Have you ever wondered why Albert Einstein can come up with the idea of Photoelectricity but can't tie his shoelaces?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!

Goofy is trying to be funny. Pluto is from hell and has seen all sorts of shit things going through there, that is why he is down to earth on all fours.

What do you call male ballerinas? (according to Jessica Simpson, they
are called ballerinos - LOL).

They are still called ballerinas. That is why it is a sissy sport for girls.

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

Not those who are blind from birth. And yes, they do, but less.

If "Wyle E. Coyote" had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why
didn't he just buy dinner?

There is only one roadrunner to make a delicious dinner with.

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Aromatic hydrocarbons. I guess baby oil bears similarity to babies because they are both made from aromatic hydrocarbons.

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Unfortunately yes. That is why people espouse their morality as right when they are stupid as they are wrong.

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Disneyworld isn't operated by a mouse.

Do the Alphabet Song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?

Yes. Provided you are not tone deaf.

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

To make sure that I can still hear myself sing.

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but
call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your bottom?

Because it is from outside to inside, not inside to outside. Think "space" idiot.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the
window?

They aren't called dumb animals for nothing. That is why they follow man and are man's best friend.

[ganbaru]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

When it comes to bullshitting, only one out of two can be the best. When it comes to finding the best girl, you have to gauge and equally balance out their boob size, butt size, intelligence, moe...........

They take intelligence into account on those ''competitions'' ?

[Patriot's Blade]

ENTER THE PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON!!

[PrincessFrani]

[Gin]

This song is hilarious, but I would not advise that you listen to it if it bothers you to hear the 'N' word (a not er)

Spoiler for bad language:

here's the hq link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI

[leoblack9]

[Gin]

For all the ladies:

[kenjiharima]

Marvel Disney.

[Evil Rick]

Originally Posted by kenjiharima

Marvel Disney.

HO-LY-CRAP! O.o;

The firs song will not allow me to sleep.

[ZephyrLeanne]

Originally Posted by Gin

For all the ladies:

Spoiler for what's it?:

Rape Seeds. (bird seeds)

[kenjiharima]

ZOMG!!! The next Xmen film is here!

[Raiga]

I laughed way harder at that than I should have.

[Patriot's Blade]

Originally Posted by kenjiharima

Marvel Disney.

Originally Posted by kenjiharima

ZOMG!!! The next Xmen film is here!

ALL KINDS OF WRONG!!!