The Fanfics of Haruhi Suzumiya (Fan Fic Discussion and Links)

[Triple_R]

Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy

Well, it's not impossible that I'd have it updated late tomorrow night, but I'd say Tuesday is more likely.

Just read Chapter 1. A few observations. Spoiler space proceeding for those who haven't read it yet...

Spoiler for A Three R Review!:

1. The first half of the chapter was almost textbook Tanigawa. In other words, if you passed this to somebody and told them it was an excerpt from Haruhi Novel 10, there's a half-decent chance that they'd believe you.

2. Kyon narration is almost spot on. Koizumi is pretty much spot on.

3. Your interpretations of the characters are perhaps a bit sweeter than they actually are, but with maybe a couple slight exceptions, it's definitely within a believable range.

4. On a purely technical level: You never described what any of the characters were wearing. It's not a big deal, since I just assumed "student uniform" across the board, as such, but... when Haruhi had Mikuru and herself try on outfits, it might have been a good idea to describe one or more of the outfits. Just a slight critique.

5. The last few paragraphs were very strong. Kyon's narration really felt Kyon-like, and also suspenseful here. His desire for Haruhi to become more like an adult was both understandable, and flowed naturally from the circumstances.

6. You made me feel badly for Haruhi at the end. You got real emotional investment from me in the last few paragraphs. Very good job here.

Overall, no major complaints. Better to have the characters too sweet than too harsh, so if you're going to err in either direction, this is the one to err towards.

And if capturing Tanigawa's narrative voice was your goal, you largely succeeded. Well done!

Edit: Went back and tightened up some grammatical and word-choice errors, but on the whole don't feel inclined to change much. I'm rather happy with this first chapter. The second will probably catch most of your by surprise, I think.

Most definitely...

[Ricky Controversy]

Originally Posted by Triple_R

Spoiler for A Three R Review!:

1. The first half of the chapter was almost textbook Tanigawa. In other words, if you passed this to somebody and told them it was an excerpt from Haruhi Novel 10, there's a half-decent chance that they'd believe you.

2. Kyon narration is almost spot on. Koizumi is pretty much spot on.

3. Your interpretations of the characters are perhaps a bit sweeter than they actually are, but with maybe a couple slight exceptions, it's definitely within a believable range.

4. On a purely technical level: You never described what any of the characters were wearing. It's not a big deal, since I just assumed "student uniform" across the board, as such, but... when Haruhi had Mikuru and herself try on outfits, it might have been a good idea to describe one or more of the outfits. Just a slight critique.

5. The last few paragraphs were very strong. Kyon's narration really felt Kyon-like, and also suspenseful here. His desire for Haruhi to become more like an adult was both understandable, and flowed naturally from the circumstances.

6. You made me feel badly for Haruhi at the end. You got real emotional investment from me in the last few paragraphs. Very good job here.

Overall, no major complaints. Better to have the characters too sweet than too harsh, so if you're going to err in either direction, this is the one to err towards.

And if capturing Tanigawa's narrative voice was your goal, you largely succeeded. Well done!

Spoiler for Reader Review Response:

Yeah, on point three I was at a bit of a loss as to how to carry across my thoughts on how the relationships between the characters would have progressed by the beginning-of-year-three mark. You're right in that I perhaps sweetened it too much, and I was particularly worried about it in the case of Kyon. Haruhi also put me in an odd position because I wasn't really expecting her to go all dere, but without my noticing, she had. I'll try to balance that more. Thanks for weighing in on that issue.

Also on the fourth point, I was wondering if that would be appropriate or not, since I did indeed have some specific ideas for the outfits: I'm something of a fashion design nut. As the second chapter is going right now, I do have descriptions of the new outfits the girls have. The question being what level of detail is acceptable.

My goal is indeed to write this with the feel of continuity, so my target voice is 'Tanigawa with a Ricky spin'. Finding the balance is tricky, but what I love about writing fanfiction is the additional layer to the puzzle: how to execute something good and original within a pre-defined framework really forces you to focus up.

Thank you for your thoughtful commentary, and I look forward to more of it going forward. =)

UPDATE: http://forums.animesuki.com/showthre...24#post2749124 The finalized Episode 2. Enjoy.

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

Posting here so you don't have to delete another post. Will probably edit this with a review later.

[worldruined]

I again love your writing style and your characterization, but I have to admit that

Spoiler:

knowing nothing about FLCL, I'm feeling a little lost and will be somewhere over →, looking for a road map.

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

Guess I don't have to edit, huh?

Loved your jab at a certain shonen series, and the ending was rather amusing.

[Triple_R]

Just read Chapter 2. A few observations. Spoiler space proceeding for those who haven't read it yet...

Spoiler for Frantic Fanfic Feedback:

A few observations...

1) Chapter 2 was very funny. Great Kyon narration and dialogue with some good lines and zingers. And, with one particular line of Kyon narration, it was like you were cleverly spoofing Kyon himself... nice touches!


2) Your Nagato was spot on. Well done. Koizumi sounded good as well.


3) Like Kogetsu, I enjoyed the ending a lot.


All-told, that was a bit of an improvement over Chapter 1. I can see where you made the characters a little less sweet, and closer to their canon selves. No significant complaints on my part whatsoever.

I'm looking forward to more, Ricky.

[Tabasco]

Not much to add to the above, but I will say I think you nailed this one.

[Jonbob0008]

I've FINALLY updated! Let me know what you guys think. It's a pretty important chapter.

[Roger Rambo]

Originally Posted by Jonbob0008

I've FINALLY updated! Let me know what you guys think. It's a pretty important chapter.

I can't find your fic on fanfiction.net, could you direct link to it?

[Tabasco]

Its up now. My thoughts are in my review, but in short it was worth the wait.

[Joe4evr]

Originally Posted by Jonbob0008

I've FINALLY updated! Let me know what you guys think. It's a pretty important chapter.

I was halfway with reading and found this:

Spoiler for :

Unfortunately, I failed to come up with anything. I knew what the biggest problem I was facing was. It was the fact that there was a really good chance that I was going to hurt Haruhi. This fact would only be exacerbated if she actually confessed to her.

I don't think that last sentence is correct, do you?

There are a lot of other spelling/grammar issues as well, it would read a lot better if fixed.

Other than that, keep up the good work.

[Jonbob0008]

Oops, this is what I get for proof-reading at five in the morning.

I'll have to look it over again later. I'm glad people are enjoying it, though.

[Khu]

Dude man.

Great work.

Impressed by your great dedication.

Awesome stuff man. Awesome stuff.

[Jonbob0008]

Thank you. It was a tough chapter to write, but totally worth it. Now I have to think about contacting James Randi himself. I'm not sure if I'll be able to, but I'll try nevertheless.

Someone told me that writing about a non-fictional person violate fanfiction.net's ToS agreement. I went and looked at it and didn't see anything that looked like that. I'd been under the assumption that as long as I'm not using the fic for commercial reason, that it was okay.

In any case, if I had contacted Randi and he told me he didn't want to have his character portrayed in the fic, I would respectfully make sure he wasn't in it (and likely change all references to his character in previous chapter). I do respect the man greatly, and I would respect his wishes, even if there's no legal reason to do so.

[CrowKenobi]

You could not write the actual meeting and refer to that in dialogue that happens later.

[Nukerjsr]

Originally Posted by Jonbob0008

Thank you. It was a tough chapter to write, but totally worth it. Now I have to think about contacting James Randi himself. I'm not sure if I'll be able to, but I'll try nevertheless.

Someone told me that writing about a non-fictional person violate fanfiction.net's ToS agreement. I went and looked at it and didn't see anything that looked like that. I'd been under the assumption that as long as I'm not using the fic for commercial reason, that it was okay.

In any case, if I had contacted Randi and he told me he didn't want to have his character portrayed in the fic, I would respectfully make sure he wasn't in it (and likely change all references to his character in previous chapter). I do respect the man greatly, and I would respect his wishes, even if there's no legal reason to do so.

Dude...your work is just...inspiring. That's all I really need to say. It's simply...exquisite. (And you shall get my full review soon)

With non-fictional people and fics, I think only a certain list of real people can not be used or their properties. It mostly detains to rock stars and famous authors, so I think you'll be fine.

[Jonbob0008]

Originally Posted by Nukerjsr

Dude...your work is just...inspiring. That's all I really need to say. It's simply...exquisite. (And you shall get my full review soon)

With non-fictional people and fics, I think only a certain list of real people can not be used or their properties. It mostly detains to rock stars and famous authors, so I think you'll be fine.

Thank you very much. And thanks for the advice. And BTW, do you know if Kerose has read it, too? I wanted to know his opinion on the chapter as well.

[Nukerjsr]

Originally Posted by Jonbob0008

Thank you very much. And thanks for the advice. And BTW, do you know if Kerose has read it, too? I wanted to know his opinion on the chapter as well.

Oh no worries, I'll get him to read it.

By the way, some of the reviews you are getting are funny. Some people didn't know that James Randi really existed. XD That does make me wonder though, do you have a time limit where you will wait for him to respond and if he doesn't...you'll post the chapter?

[Jonbob0008]

If I can't contact him, I'll simply do what I can to get his character right. I'll go and watch a few videos on his youtube channel where he's done some speeches and try my best. I'd prefer if that didn't happen, but I'm prepared if I have to.

*edit* Oh, and yes, I was quite surprised that people thought he was fictional.

[Ricky Controversy]

http://forums.animesuki.com/showthre...46#post2755246

Haru, Chapter 3. I finally put in some of those fashion descriptions I mentioned, and this chapter's a bit longer than the previous two, but I'm still trying to keep it all relatively compact. The general idea is to keep the story moving in digestible bits that each have a proper arc and a value all their own, which is why each episode ends on kind of "Oh hey, we learned something, but wait, what's that shiny new thing?" note.