The long negotiations finally came to a close. Just as I thought. The treasure chests packed tightly with coins were being carried by Nagato, Asahina-senpai, Itsuko, and yours truly. An uninformed observer wouldn't view us as a party of heroes. More like a bunch of shameless thieves. But the chests were so heavy that I had no chance to ponder the issue further. I should have grown used to carrying things around by now, but a wooden chest stuffed full of coins was in fact heavier than most things I've carried lately. I think it weighs even more than Itsuko, even though she's helping me carry my load. If there was a practice of assigning points by weight, the treasure chest would wins hands down.
"A so-so way to start. Let's keep this pace up to the end."
How cruel, Haruki, forcing girls to carry your heavy load. Maybe I should drop this thing on his foot and pretend it was an accident.
With Haruki rapidly leading the way, the rest of us huffed and puffed as we followed in his footsteps. Or it's just me and Asahina-senpai doing the huffing and puffing. Nagato and Itsuko seem to be having no trouble carrying their load. Nagato, I can understand, but I'm starting to suspect Itsuko isn't helping me carry this thing at all. Call me bitter, but I can't seem to stomach the idea of her having so much strength. Do you secretly workout to maintain your perfect figure?! At least let me in on your secret!
It goes without saying, but Asahina-senpai was having a horrible time trying to carry a chest by himself. Despite Haruki's so-called "manliness" training, which amounted to nothing more than forcing him to cross dress in a maid outfit and serving as our Brigade's butler, it took him a while to get the chest off the ground. I hate to say it, but it was pretty comical the way he stumbled around, trying desperately to stay on his feet while carrying the chest and a gnarled staff in-between his armpit that he refused to throw away. Apparently that's his magical item. I'm not really sure though. And as for what kind of magic this Asahina-sempai is able to use? That matter goes beyond the level of simple query and into the realms of unsolved mystery. I really hope that it doesn't have something to do with trivial knowledge like a new way to brew better tasting tea...
"First, we should fill our stomachs. Order whatever you like. We've got a sizable battle chest now. Let's get this started with a bang!"
Haruki stopped in front of a wooden two-story structure with a signboard carved from wood saying something Hostel. A number of horses are tied up by the roadside. They stare at the five of us with tired-looking eyes. It would appear that holding a sharp outlook on the world is the standard here.
"But man, this village sure is hard to match to a time period."
I clanked around in my armor as I looked around our surroundings.
This city is located right outside the castle. It seems to be around the level of civilization of Europe during the Hundred Years' War, at least it has that sort of atmosphere. Of course, I wouldn't be familiar with the customs of that time, so I can't really say for sure. The people walking by are garbed in clothing I've only seen in fantasy role playing games. Or to make it easier for you, just picture a world with "sword and magic" to speed things up. If you keep that in mind, I can cut down on unnecessary explanation, which would be a big help, since I don't really play RPGs that much.
And while I was explaining the scene to the best of my descriptive abilities, Haruki had already opened the door to what appeared to be a tavern.
"Hey!"
He boomed in a cheerful voice. Every person in the place turned to look at him. The patrons here look rather seedy. A bunch of blue collar middle-aged men with the stench of ruffians, faces buried in their tankards in the middle of the day. I've already grasped the employment situation for this country. The eyes focused on the treasure chest I'm carrying are making me very uneasy, and don't make me describe the kind of looks they were throwing Itsuko. I was starting to want to go cower behind Nagato.
But that didn't last long.
"Today's patrons are in luck! I'll be paying for everything you eat and drink. My treat, my treat. No need to worry about money. The queen is paying for this."
His shouting settled the matter. A roaring cheer shook the flimsy wooden walls, and the tavern went into party mode.
"Where's the owner? Let's start off with every food and drink item on your menu. Five of each!"
Haruki stomped to a table near the back, and a bearded guy came out to take his massive order. He then turned back.
"What are you doing, Kyon!? And everyone else! Come sit down. We're celebrating in advance, in advance!
What is going to happen that warrants advance celebration? My question was met with a contested absence of response that disintegrated into thin air.
"..."
As I stood motionless, Nagato, playing the role of thief, silently passed me, carrying his treasure chest.
"Wow... Something smells really good."
Asahina-sempai sniffed the air with his finely shaped nose.
"Wakya!"
He tripped over the hem of his cloak and fell on his face, dropping his chest to the side.
"In any case, Suzumiya-san is quite generous. But the money came from the kingdom's treasury to begin with, so returning it to the people would be best, right?"
Itsuko helped Asahina-sempai up and smiled at me. She has the usual smiling look on her face. Nagato's face is expressionless, and Asahina-sempai's innocent clumsiness is no different from how he is in the clubroom. Haruki's hyper power seems to have increased for no real reason. I would be the only one left feeling clueless. Everybody else looks completely at ease in this situation.
"Whoa, this is delicious! What kind of meat is it? Mammoth? I've never tasted anything like this before. Tell me the ingredients and recipe later."
Plate after plate was being delivered to our table, and Haruki was already smacking his lips.
"How can you call yourself a hero?"
I muttered after dropping my treasure chest to the floor.
The first thing he does upon leaving the castle after accepting a request to slay a demon lord is hop into a tavern and waste the the battle chest we'd been lucky to receive instead of spending it on equipment and items. He's no hero, just a hopeless, pillaging pig.
"Kyon, get over here already! This low-malt beer is kind of strong, but it's pretty good! I'll finish it all if you don't hurry it up!"
Haruki yelled at me as he waved the ceramic mug around. Don't order me around, you drunkard! Oh well, can't be helped. That mockery of a hero is our leader. And the argument would be that unless a command of revolution has been decreed, a poor warrior can't afford to alienate herself in this situation. I wouldn't know where to go by myself.
The hero's party moved to occupy a table, so I moved from my spot.
I don't know how much time passed. I had no watch on. The whole tavern was still filled with merrymaking.
Haruki had grown quite fond of that low-malt beer, which reminded me of unrefined sake, and would wave for a refill every time he drained his tankard. Now, he and some old guy from the next table are singing some weird song with their arms around each other's shoulders. Wow, he sure blends in well with the rest of the drunken louts around here.
Next to them is Nagato, who's silently scoffing every unrecognizable dish being carried from the back. I was starting to wonder if this tavern had an infinite supply of food. But the seemingly infinite volume of Nagato's stomach is what's really suspect. Where is he putting all that stuff?
I hear a cascade of sound and turn to look. Itsuko, located on a small platform near the corner of the tavern was doing some sort of a dance, surrounded by a number of the town men. Those guys were looking at Itsuko the way innocent young men would gaze at Aphrodite as she descended to earth, putting me in a foul mood.
Well, I don't really care. I have Asahina-sempai. Or I'm just saying that to console myself. For Asahina-sempai wasn't anywhere near me right now. As for where he was...
"Sorry to keep you waiting. Was this what you ordered? Ah, yes. I'll bring yours right away!"
For some unknown reason, he had turned into a waiter for this tavern and was busily running from table to table. I believe that the tankard Haruki forced on him would be to blame. He happily ran between kitchen and tables with slightly flushed cheeks.
"Hey, Itsuko."
I was getting pretty sick of sitting and eating in silence. And the fact that I had already eaten my fill didn't help much. I called to the makeshift performer, prancing about like an exotic dancer.
Itsuko walked over, basking in the enthralled looks of adoration from the town men behind her.
"What is the matter, warrior Kyon? Do you find fault with our current situation?"
Of course, I do. This isn't the time to be enjoying ourselves.
"Indeed. We must make haste to defeat the demon lord. But taking an extra day or two should be permissible."
Not that. We have something else to deal with first.
"Where are we?" I asked. "What's with this RPG-like world? Why are we in this place? Who brought us here?"
Itsuko showed her sickeningly white teeth. They look like they've been bleached.
"Actually, I'm not sure either. Before I knew it, I found myself in that throne room. I assume you had a similar experience. My memories leading up to that point are rather hazy. Do you remember anything?"
I can't remember. That's why I'm worried. What was I doing where before I found myself before the queen?
Itsuko spoke while playing with a sash on her waist with one hand.
"It may just be my imagination," she said by way of excuse, "but I have this faint feeling that we were playing a game in the clubroom. It might have been a tabletop RPG. Or perhaps an online game using the computer."
I grimaced. Now that she mentions it, I vaguely recall something along those lines. But they don't feel like my memories. We were supposed to be playing a game, but then we jumped into the game world- as if. I refuse to simply believe such a cheap explanation.
"Asahina-sempai."
I called to the cloaked waiter hard at work.
"Coming!"
Asahina-sempai trotted over carrying a tray.
"Your order?"
That's not why I called you over. I would have liked to ask his if he was supposed to be role-playing a mage or a maid, but...
"What is going on here?" I ask, raising my sword. "Haruki's a hero, and we're supposed to slay a demon lord or something. How did we end up in this place?
"Huh?"
Asahina-sempai's lovely eyes opened wide.
"Isn't this a theme park attraction?"
News to me.
"Um... I thought we all went to this place that looked like a amusement park and entered what looked a mansion... Weren't we supposed to thoroughly assume our role and go on an adventure?
I turned to Itsuko for advice. But Itsuko was stroking her hair, deep in thought.
"This situation feels a bit too real for that explanation to fly. I find it hard to believe that the castle and this tavern are fake and all of the people here are just extras. Furthermore, I do not recall any of that ever happening."
Same here. I don't remember playing any games, and I don't remember going in any amusement parks.
"Huh?" Asahina-sempai gracefully placed a hand against his cheek. "Now I seem to remember being a mage to begin with... Huh? That's strange... The SOS Brigade... Suzumiya-san is a hero and Kyon-chan is a warrior... Huh?"
I sigh. If the world has to depend on Haruki to be the hero, they must have an abnormal shortage of talent. You could probably find better heroes at an unemployment office.
"Asahina-sempai, can you use magic?"
I ask, grasping at straws. Asahina-sempai replies confidently.
"I can! Do you want me to show you? See, this spell makes my ears bigger..."
He began his demonstration.
"This spell is for moving a cigarette through a hundred yen coin. There! There!"
I'm so touched that I'm tearing up. You're mistaken, Asahina-sempai. That isn't magic... Well, I guess in the English language, you would call this magic.
"Huh? It's not working. Ah, I could do it in practice. One more time."
No, it's okay. Anymore, and I might be compelled to squeeze you until you burst.
I'm about to smack myself in the forehead when I hear a voice from another table requesting service. Without a moment's delay, he responds, "Ah. Coming, coming!" As parlor trick magician Asahina-sempai hurriedly rushes off, he tripped over his cloak and fell down.
"Hya!"
In that case, I have no choice but to bring out the ultimate weapon.
"Nagato."
The dependable thief silently munching away, cheeks stuffed with food, quietly stood and walked over.
And before I could open my mouth...
"Simulation."
...he said while staring intently at the half-eaten plates before me.
A simulation? Looks like an RPG to me.
"..."
Nagato stood, looking like he was searching for the right words to use. He finally spoke in a disinterested tone.
"I also do not have a clear understanding of the situation. The most likely possibility would be that we are in simulated space."
"So in other words," said Itsuko, "we have been thrown into a separate space removed from reality through some unknown means by some unknown being?"
Nagato nods in affirmation, but his eyes remain fixed on the contents of those plates. I pulled up a chair, motioned for him to sit, and pushed the food towards Nagato before speaking.
"What do you mean by some unknown means by some unknown being? Who's capable of doing something like this?"
"I do not know."
Nagato responds. And without further elaboration, he began silently stuff his mouth with my leftovers. And once he finished eating...
"I sense that conditions for termination have been set."
As I wondered if he had seen my disappointment and only said that for my benefit...
"There should be a trigger to restore the situation."
I suppose there's not need to ask what the trigger is. Looking at our current circumstances, the duty we have to perform right now is...
"Slay the demon lord, am I correct?"
Itsuko said in my place as she elegantly spun in place before giving me one of those sickly sweet smiles. Don't make me punch you in the face.
2008-05-18, 00:23
