Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[Justin_Brett]

Originally Posted by Nanya01

He hasn't.

Kaijo doesn't read much fanfiction.

He doesn't read crossovers and he has stated that if he wasn't writing "Future Tense" even he wouldn't like it.

Well that's an odd coincidence, then.

[00-Raiser]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Hm, I'll have to dig out my old AS review for this one. And favorite it.

*is half tempted to write a what if based on this short* GAH!

There is no 'half tempted.' You're either tempted or you're not If you are, there's no reason not to go for it.

EDIT: If anyone's interested, it's now the 15th meaning it's Nanoha's birthday. Just incase anyone wanted to do a birthday fic

PS, my birthday is next Monday ;P

[deathcurse]

Man, huge backlog! @_@ I'll have to get to it while I'm not at school ....

Chapter 2 of "Blood Calls To Blood" is now posted on Fanfiction.net ^_^.

I made some changes to address the "cat" vs. "lion" problem for Linith, and also to clear up some of the confusion between the Fates ^^.

[spawnofthejudge]

Originally Posted by deathcurse

and also to clear up some of the confusion between the Fates ^^.

*Insert Duel of the Fates joke here*

[Kuroi Hadou]

Originally Posted by spawnofthejudge

*Insert Duel of the Fates joke here*

Battle of the Heroes is probably more suiting.

[Keroko]

When it comes to Fate, you always go with Duel of the Fates. Period.

[spawnofthejudge]

Especially when there are two of them.

[Tiresias]

Well one of them already already has a (magical) energy sword, though one that is decidedly freudianly bigger ...

[WarpObscura]

Originally Posted by Yasanagi

Spoiler for MD Update?!:

If he didn’t know any better, he could have sworn that Seikou’s blue eyes sparkled in delight at that thought. “You wouldn’t mind?”

“But only if you try using a non-violent approach to settle your issues first.” Might as well tack on that condition first since he has the opportunity to do so.

“Your conditions are acceptable. Please teach me, Yuuno-sensei!”

“S-sure!” For a second there, she just sounded like Nanoha way back when he first met her and started teaching her what he could about magic and…

Oh, God… … there was that sparkle again. If she kept this up, he was probably going to die of cuteness overload.

Ugh, finally got this one out.

Spoiler:

I cannot, cannot imagine Seikou sparkling.

By the way, who were Reverend Maru Kovanich and Bishop Patrick Haru supposed to be references to?

[Yasanagi]

Originally Posted by WarpObscura

Spoiler:

I cannot, cannot imagine Seikou sparkling.

By the way, who were Reverend Maru Kovanich and Bishop Patrick Haru supposed to be references to?

Spoiler:

The way I see it, if Misaka Imouto (who's crazy stoic and dandere) can sparkle as seen here, I see no reason why Seikou can't do the same.

As for the two Seekers, I just plucked the names of two hardcore NanoFate fans from 00-Raiser's reviews section: Maruko and BP Haru.

There was no specific reason. Just wanted to poke fun at the people who take their shipping far too seriously.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Rising Dragon

Crosspost from OCT again.

Spoiler for Chapter 1 Scene 4:

Roas had expected something like this to happen, seeing Valare and Mesia engage in a heated discussion in front of the lab room’s monitor. The technician that had been aiding the man preparing the Intelligent Device was beside him, looking anxiously between his two colleagues.

“Think about what you’re doing!” the redhead exclaimed, almost throwing her arms up in the air. “If the Administration Bureau finds out, this lab would be history!”

“A risk that needs to be taken,” Emil replied calmly. “I assure you, every precaution will be taken regarding the Bureau, and any of the corporations who hire our services will want to keep it on the down-low from them anyway.”

“Oh? And what about Roas?” demanded the redhead. “You’ve read the report, you know how badly the other mercenaries wanted him dead! There’s no way he can do this alone!”

Roas lifted an eyebrow that that—though he supposed it was true enough. That last mission had nearly seen his death due to the unexpected amount of resistance from the mercenary, or rather, the mercenaries that had been hired by his target for their protection. Still, it was a risk in this kind of industry. He knew that well enough.

“Relax, dear girl,” Emil waved her down. “I’m not so foolish enough to send the man out alone. I know for certain that you’ll be able to provide him the best support possible.”

Mesia blinked, caught off guard. “… excuse me?”

“Well, you have all the qualifications necessary for such a task,” Valare explained, smiling. “You’re intelligent and a quick thinker, you’re familiar with all of Lancel’s components and technical capabilities, and you’re quite skilled with barrier and teleportation spells… you’d be perfect as Mr. Lacetti’s operator.”

“That’d be useful,” the aforementioned mercenary spoke up, drawing their attention before Mesia could formulate a response. “All the good operators are usually snapped up by the Bureau.”

Mesia sputtered, still surprised by the sudden turn in the argument. “W-well it’s true that the Bureau offered me a position, but—“

“That only goes to show how well-suited you’d be for this position,” Valare butted in, causing the woman to blush slightly. Roas was only nodding approval, and it came to Mesia’s attention that she’d walked right into that little trap. Her face colored in irritation, but before she could continue her argument, Emil placed a hand on her shoulder.

“This isn’t a decision that I made lightly, Mesia, but it’s the only option we have now,” he said soothingly. “We need him to make sure this settlement stays safe, and to do that I need you to make sure he stays safe.”

Mesia released a breath. “I just don’t understand why this needs to be done,” she admitted. “Ailotana can’t really be that bad off, could it?”

“If we don’t prove the settlement worthy in some way, it’s only a matter of time before we lose it entirely to corporate politics,” Emil said gravely. “I’ll explain it to you in detail later. For now, it’s time for us to give Mr. Lacetti his new Device. Jerome, if you please?”

The assistant standing beside started, then nodded quickly. He turned to the wall, which showed uniform rows of small metal storage containers. He brought up a holographic screen and inputted a few commands, and one particular container slid out of the wall with a hiss, allowing him to take the Device out from storage and present it to Roas, who accepted it into his open hands. Stepping back, the mercenary looked down at the arrow-shaped Lancel. It was bigger than he thought it would be. The green lens set into it blinked brightly for a moment.

“So you’re to be my new Device, huh?” Roas commented.

”Affirmative, master,” came Lancel’s reply in a smooth male voice. Roas frowned a bit at the title.

“When you’re ready, we’ll upload your information into Lancel’s database,” Emil said, stepping up to Roas. “Then you can begin getting acclimated with the Device. And we’ll need to get that done soon.”

“Why?” Roas asked, turning to him. “What’s the rush?”

“Because I’ve already got your first mission lined up, and we can begin when you’re ready.”

Hm, very interesting. I remember you had quite a bit of trouble with this scene, but I rather like it as it turned out. I particularly liked how Emil turned the tables on Mesia in her complaints by saying that she would be going along with Roas, or at least monitoring him when he was out on missions; certainly a way of shutting her up. Still, it makes me curious as to what happens to her, since of everyone involved in this mess, she seems to be by far the most innocent.

[DezoPenguin]

Originally Posted by SilentOutlaw

A)3
B)2
C)2

Pretty close but looks like there's no time like the present!

Prologue Part 1

Spoiler for Still No Title CYOA Prologue Part 2:

March 26th 2011, it also had a big red circle around it. No wonder I felt like something bad was going to happen. This was the first day of being in Japan. The plane had landed late last night.

My master, one of the strongest mages around, tasked me to collect the Lost Logia called the Class Cards. So far we have two. The mission itself isn't that difficult thanks to the two devices he gave us. The real challenge is the partner he assigned.

Chrono Harlaown had to be the most annoying person I have ever met. He treats me like I'm some amateur! All because I'm a few years younger than him. But I'm determined to collect more Class Cards then him. That outta show him I'm no amateur.

Groaning, I hopped out of bed and headed to the washroom. I brushed my teeth and combed my long hair then tied it into a green ribbon.

Since I didn't have enough money to rent a hotel room until we finished the mission, Chrono's mother who happens to live in Uminari City, where the Class Cards are, offered to let me stay with them. I'm still trying to figure out how someone so nice like Lindy Harlaown can have a kid like Chrono.

I walked back into the guest room and put on my school uniform. It was Graham's idea that I enroll into a nearby high school. He didn't tell me why but that's just how he is, he likes being mysterious.

I made sure I had the Archer Class Card in my pocket just in case. Raising Heart, the device Graham gave to me, was around my neck. I grabbed my schoolbag and headed out the door skipping breakfast. I'm not much of a breakfast person.

Honestly, I was nervous. I had never been to a normal high school, let alone a Japanese one. Chrono's so lucky he doesn't have to.

"No fighting, my master?"

"Sorry, Raising Heart but I have to go to school. You'll have to be quiet while I'm there. It's a normal school."

"As expected from such a boring master."

I feel my eye twitching. This would be the second hardest part of this mission. Raising Heart doesn't seem to like me at all.

I stopped at the intersection and paused. Which way was the school supposed to be again? Was it left or right? I stood there and tried to remember what Ms. Harlaown had said when someone tapped me on the shoulder.

"Are you new here?" she asked. She looked to be around my age but was much shorter then me, she also had short brown hair with little clips in them that formed an X. More importantly, she was wearing my new school's uniform.

"Yeah, I just came here yesterday," I answered. "This is embarrassing but I don't know where the school is..."

"No problem! I was walking there anyway," she smiled. "I'm Yagami Hayate, you can just call me Hayate."

"My name is Yuuno Scrya. Wait, Scrya is my family name, the Japanese usually put last name first right?"

We turned right. "Yup that's right. So where are you from Scrya-kun?"

"England."

"Really? I went to England once a few years ago to visit my guardian. My favorite part was the Clock-"

A girl rushed past us. I didn't get a good look at her but she had blond hair. I checked my watch. "It's still early isn't it?"

"Oh that was just Testarossa-chan. She always runs to school like that even when she's not late. I suppose it's become a habit for her."

Testarossa? That's an Italian last name. At least I won't be the only foreigner around here. "I see."

The rest of the walk to school was spent chatting about normal things. I was correct when I said Hayate was around my age, she was in the class next to mine. She told me that she'd come by to check up on me at lunchtime. I'm relieved, at least I have one friend at school even though I might not even be staying long.

My introduction to the class went smoothly and I was told to sit next to a girl with purple hair that introduced herself as Tsukimura Suzuka.

I didn't pay too much attention to what the teacher was saying. There was no point.

Lunch came soon after. And like she said, Hayate came and rescued me from the horde of my classmates asking me questions. "Thanks, Hayate."

"Don't worry about it. I have to run a small errand real quick but I'll meet you on the roof in five minutes."

"The roof? Why there?"

"Because it has a great view of the city. You know how to get to the roof right?"

"Y-yes, I'll see you soon then." Hayate waved goodbye before turning and running off the other way. I sighed. I had no idea how to get there. But it couldn't be too hard, I just had to find some stairs and go up.

It took me about three minutes to get to the roof. It wasn't as easy as I had hoped but luckily the students here were helpful and happily told me how to get to the roof.

I walked over to the fence. The view was amazing. I could see Chrono's house from up here.

This city-

"High amount of mana is being gathered, my master," Raising Heart informed. I didn't need Raising Heart to tell me, I could feel it. Even an amateur could.

It was close by. I looked down at the school yard. I could clearly see a ball of black mana from here.

"Raising Heart, we have work to do. Set up!" My uniform changed into my barrier jacket which was a brown cloak that doubled as a cape with a tan shirt with green trim and a symbol on the front and brown pants.

A green magic circle flared to life beneath my feet as I created a barrier to keep the damage to a minimal.

A)Jump down and confront the enemy
B)Blast them from here with a 'Lyrical' grade magical attack
C)Be sneaky and float down to the ground from behind the school to see who this mage is first

Sorry it's a little short but I wanted the next part to be done by tonight. The next part will be longer hopefully, and have an actual title.

Well, as long as we're playing Yuuno, let's actually have him be Yuuno and not pretend that he's Nanoha with boy parts. C would be more of Chrono's approach, so let's go with A as Yuuno's smart but not actually very sneaky.

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Hm, I'll have to dig out my old AS review for this one. And favorite it.

*is half tempted to write a what if based on this short* GAH!

"What if" as in, "What if Chrono hadn't heard about it and Lutecia actually got sent on the mission?"

[00-Raiser]

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

"What if" as in, "What if Chrono hadn't heard about it and Lutecia actually got sent on the mission?"

With tragic results, naturally.

[deathcurse]

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

"What if" as in, "What if Chrono hadn't heard about it and Lutecia actually got sent on the mission?"

Now, I'm torn between being interested in an emotional, tragic fic revolving around Lutecia's reaction to the idea/after the mission...and imagining a fic where Lutecia tells Hayes off...and imagining a fic with Vivio raining hell down on Hayes in full Godly Retribution....

[Rising Dragon]

Originally Posted by deathcurse

Now, I'm torn between being interested in an emotional, tragic fic revolving around Lutecia's reaction to the idea/after the mission...and imagining a fic where Lutecia tells Hayes off...and imagining a fic with Vivio raining hell down on Hayes in full Godly Retribution....

Why not go for all three? Lutecia tells Hayes off, Hayes forces her to do the mission anyway and things are emotional and tragic, and then Vivio goes Sankt Kaiser on his ass in retribution...

Oh look, we're fanning the flames on RB's muse.

[spawnofthejudge]

Originally Posted by rising dragon

Oh look, we're fanning the flames on RB's muse.

Her muse is on fire?!

[Moczo]

Originally Posted by spawnofthejudge

Her muse is on fire?!

Considering how much time it spends whispering into her ear and tempting her to ditch old stories and start new ones? The fire is because it's a demon.

[WarpObscura]

Originally Posted by Yasanagi

Spoiler:

The way I see it, if Misaka Imouto (who's crazy stoic and dandere) can sparkle as seen here, I see no reason why Seikou can't do the same.

As for the two Seekers, I just plucked the names of two hardcore NanoFate fans from 00-Raiser's reviews section: Maruko and BP Haru.

There was no specific reason. Just wanted to poke fun at the people who take their shipping far too seriously.

Ah, I see.

Here's an idea I posted on SB that not many seem to have responded to, so I'd like to hear what y'all think:

Nanoha at the start of A's, trying to use SLB to break the Wolks' barrier. She's injured and tired. RH is damaged.

They roll a 1. And another, and a third...

The SLB goes _wrong_, _very wrong_ and starts deconstructing the Wolks for power. The Wolks' self-preservation instincts kick in, overriding their vow to not kill anyone, and they go for the jugular. The SLB gets fired off barely in time, allowing Chrono and the redshirts to drop in, but even with them in the fray, Nanoha still takes a mauling before the retreat can be made. The Arthra's medical officer is very clear on this: She is not going to be fighting for a long, long time.

With Nanoha out of action, how does the rest of A's play out?

[Rising Dragon]

Intro and Chapter 1 Scene 1
Chapter 1 Scene 2
Chapter 1 Scene 3
Chapter 1 Scene 4

Spoiler for Chapter 1 Scene 5:

Days later, Roas found himself aboard Avon Leganza’s personal cruiser, one of the few things the scientist’s daughter managed to keep after his death, as it hovered high above one of Exavil’s former cities. He was leaning against the wall inside the storage hanger the dimensional cruiser had, waiting for the orders Emil was to issue for the mission. Lancel hung from a cord tied around his wrist, so it was always close at hand and ready whenever it was time to battle—mercenaries couldn’t take chances.

Thinking back to when Mesia found out about his hiring, Roas closed his eyes and telepathically contacted Mesia, who was piloting the ship.

Hey. You alright with this, Mesia? he asked.

It’s fine, came her resigned-sounding reply. Emil explained to me why things are the way they are, and why we have to do this. I just wish there was another way.

Things will work out for the best, Roas reassured her, despite knowing that any number of things could cause this scheme to explode in their faces with disastrous results for Ailotana. But hell, this was better than doing nothing and letting some corporation run them off the land.

Before either mage could continue their conversation, a holographic screen generated from the ship blinked into life in front of Roas, causing the mercenary to stand up straighter—the mission was about to begin, and Valare was going to brief him one last time on his mission. A world map opened up on the screen , and a placement marker started blinking over one bit of land as Valare spoke.

“Eliminate the armed forces occupying the independent city of Newdam,” the businessman briefed him as the screen zoomed in on the designated location. It soon changed to old footage captured during the initial occupation. “Newdam was abandoned after losing its central infrastructure to large-scale terrorist attacks. These groups just let themselves in and set up shop.”

Roas noted that the aforementioned terrorist groups looked to one of the more well-financed groups inhabiting Exavil. He noted a few tanks and helicopters in the forces; he should probably on guard to make sure there weren’t any rogue mages in their ranks, or worse, drones left over from the JS Incident back on Mid-Childa—the fallout of that incident was still being felt everywhere.

“This mission is a little show for the corporations, and as Ailotana’s mercenary, you’re our star,” Valare continued. “Mishima Heavy Industries, the largest company of the lot, is especially eager to see Newdam rebuilt—we won’t get another chance like this to impress them.”

Roas nodded. “Anything else I should be aware of, or does that cover it?”

“That’s everything. The stage is set,” came the reply. “The rest is up to you—good luck.”

The mercenary nodded as the screen disappeared, and the cargo hold shuddered as the locks disengaged. The floor split open, and light spilled into the chamber. Roas smirked as the wind began whipping at his hair and uniform. He was back in the game. He launched himself over the railing, and out of the cruiser to the city below.

And that's all I've completed up to this point.

[Nitramy]

Revised chapter 3 of my crossover is done.

Do give it and the previous two chapters a look if they've become better than the old ones.