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ZeroXSEED · 2012-01-11, 07:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@ Senpai - I'm betting right now that Ran's school will be just like ISA when it comes to students.

You mean they'll morph into puddle at the sight of Ichika?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

Does Ran still beat up her brother here? I doubt she can kick or scare him considering what he's already done at this point.

No, since like other heroine, she's more reasonable compared to canon. At most, she'll act intimidating.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

It's also a bit symbolic. By killing one monster, she created another to take his place. This even shows an odd bit of generation xerox since his sisters are just like her mom was. Now they're fighting each other

Hmm.... poor Irish.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

So stabbing someone in the leg and kicking them will?

If the stab went to the large artery, then the kick will takes the cake and make it instant defeat (also, loud, loud scream). If not treated in 3 minutes, may result of dying.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

Side note - It's the only site that has it

It's non-hentai. don't worry.

Nom nom nom, I have the copy from Blitz's mediafire link remember? :|

Eratas123 · 2012-01-11, 08:06

@ Senpai - You know, what are the chances that Ran has a Kohai that likes her, stalks her, and acts Yandere on any perceived "competition"?

Act intimidating? How does she try to intimidate someone who got stabbed and beat up on a daily basis?

He actually angsts very little after finding out he's been fighting his remaining parents and siblings. He remarks that since he doesn't remember anything about his childhood, then he has no reason to care about people he doesn't remember.

What on the foot itself or just above it?

Side note - Is it the same doujin? I thought Blitz gave you a different one. I got mine from Tempest35.

ZeroXSEED · 2012-01-11, 08:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@ Senpai - You know, what are the chances that Ran has a Kohai that likes her, stalks her, and acts Yandere on any perceived "competition"?

Is Ran really that famous or what?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

Act intimidating? How does she try to intimidate someone who got stabbed and beat up on a daily basis?

Think Kirino from OreImo but minus the physical violence.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

He actually angsts very little after finding out he's been fighting his remaining parents and siblings. He remarks that since he doesn't remember anything about his childhood, then he has no reason to care about people he doesn't remember.

Hmm....

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

What on the foot itself or just above it?

Spoiler for Artery map:

if that big red line got stabbed, game over in 3 minutes... no, 2 minutes (it's a picture of hip)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

Side note - Is it the same doujin? I thought Blitz gave you a different one. I got mine from Tempest35.

No, mine has same title and Chifuyu introduction scene.

demino_hellsin · 2012-01-11, 08:24

Spoiler for bath massa- I mean scene:

----------------------------------------------------------

What did I just write?

FlameSparkZ · 2012-01-11, 08:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saint X

I'll just leave this quick snippethere

Spoiler for Maria vs Elena : A Typical Day:

>w< 一生の不覚の独り

Now that I'm done with that, I can focus on my stuff

Eratas123 · 2012-01-11, 08:27

@ Senpai - She's been described as an honor student, the student council prez, and an "Onee-sama" in her school.

Kirino's brother doesn't have experience in street fighting and dangerous situations.

How else would he react? "I feel so conflicted fighting a family I've never heard about and is working for the people who treated me like a dog for a year!" or something?

Looks like hitting the foot itself or very lower leg is safe. I'm assuming it still stuns a person even if it's not on the artery.

ZeroXSEED · 2012-01-11, 08:27

@Demi
WHAT THE-

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@ Senpai - She's been described as an honor student, the student council prez, and an "Onee-sama" in her school.

I see.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

Kirino's brother doesn't have experience in street fighting and dangerous situations.

What should I do? Making her a shrinking violet?

Anyway, change the whole 'Ran involved in teh bloodbath' stuff. The first time Ran saw Ichika and Dan in their blood frenzy is in chapter 12. :|

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

How else would he react? "I feel so conflicted fighting a family I've never heard about and is working for the people who treated me like a dog for a year!" or something?

I never said you have to change it

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

Looks like hitting the foot itself or very lower leg is safe. I'm assuming it still stuns a person even if it's not on the artery.

Exactly.

Eratas123 · 2012-01-11, 08:34

@ Demi - That looks pretty damn hilarious

Small thing, though. Why did Natasha feel left out? She was the one who suggested groping everyone.

demino_hellsin · 2012-01-11, 08:37

Clarissa was the one who lead the groping. Natashia was clueless

@zero: There's a reason I was giggling while I was typing that out

Eratas123 · 2012-01-11, 08:47

@ Senpai - Is their dad alive here or on a bus trip somewhere?

I'm afraid I made Irish a bit too.......blank. He rarely ever seems to emote and never seems to angst no matter how many things he finds out in the story.

That's how the plane fight ends

Who says you can't bring a knife to a gunfight

@ Demi - You just made a draft that's good enough to be a chapter prologue. Why not post it?

demino_hellsin · 2012-01-11, 08:50

@era-era: Too lazy to.

Plus I think it won't cut T rating

ZeroXSEED · 2012-01-11, 08:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@ Senpai - Is their dad alive here or on a bus trip somewhere?

I plan to make it ambiguous, but knowing Blitz, I'll just make him an orphan anyway. Making his regret about his recklessness all the more striking. :|

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

I'm afraid I made Irish a bit too.......blank. He rarely ever seems to emote and never seems to angst no matter how many things he finds out in the story.

Well, you're the one said emotional =/= angst, and I agree completely.

I count plenty of occasion he burst out into emotion from your concept.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

That's how the plane fight ends

Who says you can't bring a knife to a gunfight

Definitely.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@ Demi - You just made a draft that's good enough to be a chapter prologue. Why not post it?

Yeah, even though it's not my cup of tea, I'd say good enough for general population.

EDIT: really? I don't see it being more than T, pushing a little bit but not breaking the limit.

--------------------------------
Also, local track I found that fits Sacred Twins somehow, will post the translated lyric later.

Eratas123 · 2012-01-11, 08:53

What do you mean not cut the T rating? It never goes to explicit detail and there's no sex on it. It doesn't take too long to post and the flashback chapter to explain why they're there can happen next.

demino_hellsin · 2012-01-11, 08:56

I'll pass. I hold deep grudges.

Eratas123 · 2012-01-11, 08:57

@ Senpai - What did Dan have to do about his Dad not being there? What do you mean reckless?

Most of those were anger and he rarely ever shows anything else. Is that sufficient enough for a character to go on?

@ Demi - Why? Just because of that one d-bag who trolls every OC fic out there? He did it on the Index archive as well.

demino_hellsin · 2012-01-11, 09:03

If I'm going back to IS section of the site, it's going to be with a male OC story. Though I'll probably never get one off the ground. Writing it's annoying, like groping around in the dark and the only light to guide you is the one that keeps saying you're going the wrong way.

Eratas123 · 2012-01-11, 09:06

@ Demi - have you seen the recent fics right now? Both of them are male IS pilots and none of them have any complaints. The ones who keep saying negative things and troll comments left a while ago and you're pretty much free to do what you want. Why not go against the grain here and do a fic that shows an (initially) uninvolved, untrained, and inexperienced OC? That's new and allows for character growth.

ZeroXSEED · 2012-01-11, 09:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@ Senpai - What did Dan have to do about his Dad not being there? What do you mean reckless?

He is the oldest son, even with the stigma about women dominance, in any normal, balanced family, the father role is essential. If the father isn't there, then the oldest son will HAVE to bear it.

Reckless as in, he could die at any moment if shit hits the fan and students brawl turned into a blood carnage (like what happened in the flashback and chapter 12 in general)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

Most of those were anger and he rarely ever shows anything else. Is that sufficient enough for a character to go on?

Then have him visibly sad or happy once or twice as he learn human emotion.

I remember Irish tend to be confused how to act to kindness and positive attitude.

@ Demi

I agree with Eras, I'm going as far as changing the MOST popular heroine into a guy, then inserting a full fledged Marty Stu to add extra salt for the butthurt. But they're essential to the plot, so I did it anyway.

However, if you want to do it, best if the character has growth potential, not already matured. The stray Gospel for example has a lot of potential, even if it guarantees bittersweet/downer ending.

demino_hellsin · 2012-01-11, 09:12

Probably why I'm wracking my brain for a new idea on a male pilot

But I don't want it to be an IS or IS derivative. It's going to be something that fights directly against IS. No hiding, no scheming.

@zero: though I really like the Silver Gospel

Eratas123 · 2012-01-11, 09:19

@ Demi - It doesn't have to be a mech. Airplanes could probably foght against an IS if they're tricked out enough and the pilot is good enough. This also prevents the whole Marty Stu thing since they can't say he can summon it out of his ass whenever he wants.

@ Senpai - .......Wouldn't that Role go to Gen instead? He has the overportectiveness and hamminess down already

Does shyness to perverted things count? He acts like Ichika in regards to those. Also, I just remembered amnesiac mode which is very emotional.

2012-01-11, 08:06	Link #17582
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Senpai - You know, what are the chances that Ran has a Kohai that likes her, stalks her, and acts Yandere on any perceived "competition"? Act intimidating? How does she try to intimidate someone who got stabbed and beat up on a daily basis? He actually angsts very little after finding out he's been fighting his remaining parents and siblings. He remarks that since he doesn't remember anything about his childhood, then he has no reason to care about people he doesn't remember. What on the foot itself or just above it? Side note - Is it the same doujin? I thought Blitz gave you a different one. I got mine from Tempest35. __________________

2012-01-11, 08:24	Link #17584
demino_hellsin That one guy Join Date: Nov 2011	Spoiler for bath massa- I mean scene: Chifuyu is in the bath. She's just come back home after a hard day of training. Her already difficult training was much more intense these days because of the presence of a few annoyances. The American IS representative and the second-in-command of Germany's Scwarzer Hase were two of them. They spent practically the whole day in mock combat, though to be honest it was more mock warfare since relief goods were being air-dropped into the test zone. "AIR DROPPED!" neither side wanted to lose and the whole thing went on for a prolonged skirmish until the staff forced the four to stop. Who was the fourth? Chifuyu's current protege, Yamada Maya, a Japanese IS cadet representative. Chifuyu was thankful as she felt the warm water work wonder on her aching muscles. She stretched and thought that maybe it was a good thing she gave in to Ichika's whining years ago about getting a bigger bath. The tub they had back then was only good for one and pretty small for an adult. But the new one was big enough for Chifuyu to stretch in and still have room for more company. Speaking of company, Chifuyu remembered how back then she had to bathe Ichika because the young man was in the phase where young boys hated baths. It was quite funny that same boy now worshiped the bathroom like a temple. She remembered having to scrub him clean of dirt when he'd run back home covered head to toe. She idly wondered what his reaction would be if she did such a thing now, but the image that entered her head instead was herself relaxing against the bath edge as Ichika scrubbed her back. Chifuyu immediately dove into the water. When she drew back up for air, she tried to convince herself that the warmth on her cheeks was from the water and not from her own thoughts. The bath door opened and closed with a soft click and bare feet could be heard padding against the tiles. Chifuyu searched for the figure of the intruder and saw it was Maya standing shyly with only a tower to cover her front. Maya shyly asked if she could join Chifuyu in the bath. The raven-haired pilot nodded saying that she was already undressed anyway. Maya entered quietly and settled next to Chifuyu, face quite red. "Sorry if I'm intruding. I really wanted to take a bath before dinner." "Don't mind it, I wouldn't blame you with all that's happened today.", Chifuyu grimaced at the memory of having to lie low on dirt for hours under the sun. "I'm sorry for not covering you better." "Stop apologizing. If you weren't there then they might have actually had a chance against me.", Chifuyu sunk into the bath, till only her head from chin up was showing. The truth was that she was constantly being pinned down by long range attacks. It just added to her list of annoyances for the day. "Pardon the intrusion.", a woman's voice cut through the steamy bathroom. A vocal scream followed then- SPLASH! "Clarissa!" "Hahahaha! Loosen up instructor!", the second in command of Schwarzer Hase had just cannon-balled into the bath. "That's right.", the light chuckles of american IS representative Natashia Fairs echoed mirth. She picked up the towel Clarissa dropped during mid-jump and sat at the tub side to slip in at her leisure. "You're normally so composed, but when it's private time you're so tense~♥" "It's all your fault.", Chifuyu's grumbled, deciding to completely submerge into the bath. "My fault?", Natashia exclaimed innocently as she dipped in. Chifuyu popped out of the water and grabbed Clarissa's head while the special forces officer was harassing a teary-eyed Yamada. "This one too.". "Ow! Ow instructor that hurts!" "Good." "That's pretty mean of you Brun" "I don't want to hear that from you." "Thank you Chifuyu-sempai." T_T Sounds of hurrying feet cut the rowdy atmosphere in the bathroom. The four women inside listened closely when they noticed it stopped by the sliding door. It shook for a moment as if someone was trying to force it open then stopped. The sound of feet went away. "Did you lock the door before coming in here?", Chifuyu asked Natashia. The American shrugged, "Standard practice if you ask me." Those footsteps returned and now they were directly above the group. "What the-", Chifuyu wasn't able to finish when a perfectly square section of the bathroom popped open and a woman came ninja-flipping down onto the scene in what could most innocently be described as perfect attire for a bath. Considering they were all female, it wouldn't be all that awkward, but the newcomer was covered in dust and was standing proud jutting her chest out. To be frank, it was utterly bizarre. "Chi-chaaaaan!", the woman suddenly whined. "Tabane", Chifuyu sighed in exasperation. Really, the whole day was perfect now >.> "Chi-chan! That's so mean. Having a bath with this huge harem of yours-" "Did I hear someone say harem?"(Guess who said this XD) "-but never with your childhood friend.", Tabane covered her face with her hands as she cried out, "I never knew you were so faithless.". "Stop spewing non-sense." "But don't worry." A grin broke behind Tabane's hands. "I'll remind you of how close we are with my body!", she leapt into the bath. "GAH!", that was all Chifuyu could come up with before the four were crashed into by Tabane. "YOU IDIOT!" THONK! BONK! BAM! BAM! Tabane sat in her own corner of the bath, tracing little circles on the water. "So mean...", she mumbled. "Idiot, jumping in like that when the bath's already over maximum capacity.", Chifuyu ground out irritably. Natashia giggled at the disgruntled mess the whole thing had become and retained her poise despite the massive bump building on the back of her head. "We should enjoy this you know. It's rare for friends to bond so closely.". A short silence fell upon the group. "I-I agree.", Maya piped up. "I honestly can't believe I'm here like this with so many amazing people. I'm really thankful that I can spend time with you all.". "I'd feel touched, really, but it's difficult with you people pressing up against my privates.", Chifuyu remarked dryly. Maya blushed and the raven-haired pilot felt the pressure against the base of her thighs lighten. "Thank you." "Now...", Clarissa took the lead. "Since we're all friends here...". Chifuyu didn't like the look in the German's eyes. "Why don't we bond like women in Japan normally do?". Chifuyu was now prepared for the worst. "What would that be?", Natashia asked curiously. "Breast checks!", Clarissa roared with a perverted looks. Drooling mouth and glinting eyes saying all sorts of things that are better left unheard. Somehow everyone was able to scramble away but poor Yamada who was the first victim. "Oh! I like her.", Tabane pointed out the funny pervert girl. "Good for you.", Chifuyu blew bubbles in the bath to ignore the madness. "But you know...", Tabane's voice now had the same madness Chifuyu was trying to avoid. "I like you too. Terror overtook Chifuyu, she tried to escape but was too late! Tabane had gotten hold of them! "Oooh! They're really bigger than I last remembered!" "Gah! I'm going to kill you!" "Please stop!" "None sense, it's good for you!" "Good how?" "I used to be a B cup until we started doing this back home. I'm C now." "I don't want that!" Natashia watched the two groups and looked down at herself. She cupped her chest and grumbled, "Why won't anyone play with me?" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Knock knock knock Ichika sighed and grabbed the spare set of keys. It's been almost an hour and dinner was getting cold. He was starting to get worried that something had happened cause of all the ruckus before. On entering though, he was glad he did. Tabane looked like she needed serious medical attention laying face down in the water. Clarissa was spread eagle on the floor with a nosebleed and sleep giggling. Yamada-sensei was shuddering in a corner and repeating over and over that she was "never going to be a bride". Natashia was in another corner of the bath, cuddling herself. Chifuyu was in the shower, scrubbing furiously. "Uh... am I interrupting anything?" Chifuyu gave him a withering look. "Out." "Uh... Tabane-san looks like she needs-" "Out.", Chifuyu repeated. "Yes ma'am.". ---------------------------------------------------------- What did I just write?

2012-01-11, 08:27	Link #17586
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Senpai - She's been described as an honor student, the student council prez, and an "Onee-sama" in her school. Kirino's brother doesn't have experience in street fighting and dangerous situations. How else would he react? "I feel so conflicted fighting a family I've never heard about and is working for the people who treated me like a dog for a year!" or something? Looks like hitting the foot itself or very lower leg is safe. I'm assuming it still stuns a person even if it's not on the artery. __________________

2012-01-11, 08:34	Link #17588
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Demi - That looks pretty damn hilarious Small thing, though. Why did Natasha feel left out? She was the one who suggested groping everyone. __________________

2012-01-11, 08:47	Link #17590
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Senpai - Is their dad alive here or on a bus trip somewhere? I'm afraid I made Irish a bit too.......blank. He rarely ever seems to emote and never seems to angst no matter how many things he finds out in the story. That's how the plane fight ends Who says you can't bring a knife to a gunfight @ Demi - You just made a draft that's good enough to be a chapter prologue. Why not post it? __________________

2012-01-11, 08:37	Link #17589
demino_hellsin That one guy Join Date: Nov 2011	Clarissa was the one who lead the groping. Natashia was clueless @zero: There's a reason I was giggling while I was typing that out

2012-01-11, 08:50	Link #17591
demino_hellsin That one guy Join Date: Nov 2011	@era-era: Too lazy to. Plus I think it won't cut T rating

2012-01-11, 08:53	Link #17593
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	What do you mean not cut the T rating? It never goes to explicit detail and there's no sex on it. It doesn't take too long to post and the flashback chapter to explain why they're there can happen next. __________________

2012-01-11, 08:56	Link #17594
demino_hellsin That one guy Join Date: Nov 2011	I'll pass. I hold deep grudges.

2012-01-11, 08:57	Link #17595
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Senpai - What did Dan have to do about his Dad not being there? What do you mean reckless? Most of those were anger and he rarely ever shows anything else. Is that sufficient enough for a character to go on? @ Demi - Why? Just because of that one d-bag who trolls every OC fic out there? He did it on the Index archive as well. __________________

2012-01-11, 09:03	Link #17596
demino_hellsin That one guy Join Date: Nov 2011	If I'm going back to IS section of the site, it's going to be with a male OC story. Though I'll probably never get one off the ground. Writing it's annoying, like groping around in the dark and the only light to guide you is the one that keeps saying you're going the wrong way.

2012-01-11, 09:06	Link #17597
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Demi - have you seen the recent fics right now? Both of them are male IS pilots and none of them have any complaints. The ones who keep saying negative things and troll comments left a while ago and you're pretty much free to do what you want. Why not go against the grain here and do a fic that shows an (initially) uninvolved, untrained, and inexperienced OC? That's new and allows for character growth. __________________

2012-01-11, 09:12	Link #17599
demino_hellsin That one guy Join Date: Nov 2011	Probably why I'm wracking my brain for a new idea on a male pilot But I don't want it to be an IS or IS derivative. It's going to be something that fights directly against IS. No hiding, no scheming. @zero: though I really like the Silver Gospel

2012-01-11, 09:19	Link #17600
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Demi - It doesn't have to be a mech. Airplanes could probably foght against an IS if they're tricked out enough and the pilot is good enough. This also prevents the whole Marty Stu thing since they can't say he can summon it out of his ass whenever he wants. @ Senpai - .......Wouldn't that Role go to Gen instead? He has the overportectiveness and hamminess down already Does shyness to perverted things count? He acts like Ichika in regards to those. Also, I just remembered amnesiac mode which is very emotional. __________________