Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[Tempy]

This is your story. Make up your own ideas and put it in written form. You already have something, so expand upon it. If you can't, then read more and think harder.

We're not here to hold your hand and guide you. Success is not for us to give you.

[Allquall]

Originally Posted by DKN117

Due to fear of being ridiculed / picked apart, I never developed any of the ideas beyond what was posted above, and have no idea where to start. Those were just single scenes with no real background plot, because I never bothered to MAKE a background plot after my... previous experiences in this forum have left me convinced that my story-writing skills are abysmal beyond the capability of being saved.

I'm with Tempest on this. You have to write a story that you want; not a "choose your own adventure." What I love about this forum is that they will rip you to shreds if there's an issue with characterization or continuity. Trust me as one that's been on the receiving end, it saves your ass in the long run, because you can revise before putting it on FF.N. You're not writing your story in a spiral notebook in English class next to some Dragonball Z doodle where only God and your best friend will read it; you're putting in online in front of strangers with the chance of it being posted on Topless Robot. And we're a lot nicer than those posters~

So HTFU, trade in your pull-ups, and stride forth in men's briefs as you field criticism positively.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unkIVvjZc9Y

As for your block, Firstly, if you only have enough material for a one-shot, let it be a one-shot. Watch certain scenes from the anime again and get a feel for the characters and their motivations. Watch especially the dichotomy of Precia between Fate's lashing scene and Fate's implanted flashback. What would the transition between loving mother to obsessive maniac look like? You should grab some ideas just from that. Ask questions and form your own answers that are supported by evidence. That will keep you mostly clear of your characters going too OOC. But mostly write a story that you would want to read. That right there will allow you to evaluate critiques here and elsewhere. And Lord-knows, if you don't write about Precia, I will~

Also, preparation will make or break a drama. Outline and plot the major points before you start writing. I start with a clear visual of what I want the ending to be. Not everyone does it like that, but it works for me. However, planning ahead cannot be emphasized enough if you're aiming for a multi-layered plot. You need a map or else you'll be writing in circles and inevitably have to sacrifice characterization or grab a deus ex machina to lift you out of the mire of your prose.

Cheers and good luck with it.

*Runs off to catch a flight*

A Happy Thanksgiving to both Yanks and Non-Yanks alike.

[synaesthetic]

If you're writing just for attention, just for the acceptance of other people, take my advice and stop right now. Don't do it. Find some other creative hobby that you enjoy doing for its own sake.

I used to be just like you when it came to drawing. I would fiercely resent any criticism and get high off people's praise, but I actually didn't have fun drawing at all. I wasn't good at it, and I didn't love it enough to dedicate a chunk of my life to improving my skill. I produced purely to receive compliments, just to inflate my ego. That's the wrong way to go about things.

I love writing. I will write things just to write things. I'm working on an original novel project that nobody has actually even read yet, and probably won't read until I complete the rough draft. And when it does reach that stage, I will hand it over to a friend of mine who is such a vicious editor it makes this forum look positively tame in comparison. When the rough draft comes back blanketed in red ink, I'll swallow my pride and take her advice.

My advice to you is to do some looking inside yourself. Make sure you actually love to write, rather than just love receiving compliments. If you actually love writing, you'll be able to take any and all criticism head-on and use it to improve your skills.

[DKN117]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

If you're writing just for attention, just for the acceptance of other people, take my advice and stop right now. Don't do it. Find some other creative hobby that you enjoy doing for its own sake.

I used to be just like you when it came to drawing. I would fiercely resent any criticism and get high off people's praise, but I actually didn't have fun drawing at all. I wasn't good at it, and I didn't love it enough to dedicate a chunk of my life to improving my skill. I produced purely to receive compliments, just to inflate my ego. That's the wrong way to go about things.

I love writing. I will write things just to write things. I'm working on an original novel project that nobody has actually even read yet, and probably won't read until I complete the rough draft. And when it does reach that stage, I will hand it over to a friend of mine who is such a vicious editor it makes this forum look positively tame in comparison. When the rough draft comes back blanketed in red ink, I'll swallow my pride and take her advice.

My advice to you is to do some looking inside yourself. Make sure you actually love to write, rather than just love receiving compliments. If you actually love writing, you'll be able to take any and all criticism head-on and use it to improve your skills.

I... I honestly don't know what my motivations are. On one hand I'm partly fishing for good reviews from my work. On the other, I've been writing stories for years (I have an ff.net account), AND I have a very well-detailed mega-crossover story that I have made for my eyes only over the last 4+ years that will almost-certainly never see the public eye, mostly because of fear of criticism, but also for my own enjoyment (well, really, it's more a GIGANTIC 67-page-and-counting outline).

SIDE NOTE: No idea where to roll with this: the girls form a band. Vita on drums, Hayate on bass guitar, Fate is main guitar and backup vocals (her guitar is black & gold, and is named Guitardiche), and Nanoha is secondary guitar and main vocals (her guitar would be... Raising Note, perhaps?)

[Thunderbird]

Originally Posted by DKN117

I... I honestly don't know what my motivations are. On one hand I'm partly fishing for good reviews from my work. On the other, I've been writing stories for years (I have an ff.net account), AND I have a very well-detailed mega-crossover story that I have made for my eyes only over the last 4+ years that will almost-certainly never see the public eye, mostly because of fear of criticism, but also for my own enjoyment (well, really, it's more a GIGANTIC 67-page-and-counting outline).

SIDE NOTE: No idea where to roll with this: the girls form a band. Vita on drums, Hayate on bass guitar, Fate is main guitar and backup vocals (her guitar is black & gold, and is named Guitardiche), and Nanoha is secondary guitar and main vocals (her guitar would be... Raising Note, perhaps?)

In the end, most of us write things because there is something we want to share, even if it might be a little off the wall sometimes. I personally write because I enjoy it. Like I said on my FF.net account:

My rule of thumb when writing a story: If you, the Author, cant read your story at least a couple times and actually enjoy reading it like you would had it been written by someone else, then its probably best for you to take a step back and look at how and why you are writing to begin with...

I am not saying that everyone who reads the story will always bring out constructive criticism, there will always be the jerks that only say "this sucks" then leave. I don't even need to mention that you shouldn't even bother with those guys. However even if there are only 1 or 2 people that actually do give your constructive criticism that help enhance your writing, you owe it to them as people who actually took the time out of their day to read your story to help you out, to learn from what they see that 90% of the time we authors don't see since it makes perfect sense in our heads but never really comes out perfect on the page.

Once you find your motivation to write, I hope you would start to conquer your fear of criticism. I am fairly sure there will be people here who are interested in what you write.

[synaesthetic]

guitardiche is the most metal thing I've read in FFT, ever.

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

Originally Posted by DKN117

Spoiler for Teana & Modern Warfare 2:

snip

So you're working on an MGLN/CoD crossover too, eh? Admittedly mine's a bit different...

Edit:

Originally Posted by DKN117

Guitardiche

[spawnofthejudge]

Originally Posted by DKN117

Raising Note, perhaps?)

*groan* Oh my God the puns going through my head now!

(Happy Thanksgiving, Guys.)

[00-Raiser]

@DKN117: Fear of criticism is a normal thing. As human beings we strive for acceptance from others. But sometimes what we really need is acceptance from ourselves regardless of what others think. Write something you think is good. If you make something you're proud of and would like to show it to others, go right ahead. There's always the possibility that some one will harsh on you about it, but there will always be at least one person who will like it as well. And if people approach you and say "It was ok, but I think it can be better", let them help you! Use their input and make your work something you'll be even more proud of!

For example, when I wrote "The Next Step", it was something I was pleased enough with to share it, but with all the comments and constructive criticism I recieved, I was able to re-write it into something far better than the original.

And if you ever feel bad that people don't like you, just remember one thing: People compare others to me as the ultimate insult

Originally Posted by Thunderbird

My rule of thumb when writing a story: If you, the Author, cant read your story at least a couple times and actually enjoy reading it like you would had it been written by someone else, then its probably best for you to take a step back and look at how and why you are writing to begin with...

Yes. Very YES. I go back and re-read my previous stuff all the time.

[Nanya01]

Originally Posted by Thunderbird

My rule of thumb when writing a story: If you, the Author, cant read your story at least a couple times and actually enjoy reading it like you would had it been written by someone else, then its probably best for you to take a step back and look at how and why you are writing to begin with...

It's weird.

I can't stand to go back and read my own stuff.

Except to establish canon from one chapter to the next, I never go back and re-read my own stuff.

It annoys me for some reason.

[NorthernFallout]

I rarely, extremely rarely go back and read my own stuff, less it's to remember myself on something. However, since I'm rewriting each chapter a couple of times, and then read it for myself a few times to see if it works before release, I guess that's the same thing. Especially if I actually like it, then I know it works.

[Thunderbird]

I guess it works a lot for me since, as embarrassing as it is to say, I tend to forget my own stories lol! I sometimes go "When the heck did I write this?" on a couple of them and of course I always have to read the previous chapter in order to advance one XD. I know I know I am such a ditz sometimes when it comes to writing fanfics but hey! If I can get at least one of you to help correct my story before official posting...I'll take all the advice I can get. ^.^

[TheShinySword]

I love going through My Documents file and playing "What the hell is this file" I find I don't remember half the stuff I write, though I don't remember for good reasons normally

(Happy Thanksgiving to all!)

[00-Raiser]

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

I love going through My Documents file and playing "What the hell is this file" I find I don't remember half the stuff I write, though I don't remember for good reasons normally

(Happy Thanksgiving to all!)

Yeah, that happens to me sometimes. I've written a lot of smut fics for my friend over the years, and the other day I went through them so I could re-send them to her and I didn't even remember writing most of them

Well, that's a case of writing something for a specific individual. Those are easy because you just nead to please the one person.

(Thanksgiving was last month up here, but Happy thanksgiving to you Yanks all the same )

[synaesthetic]

New chapter, longer than the others.

Spoiler for Altered Course #02: Lost Logia:

Separation from the body of Christ.
Town divided in numerous districts.

The globe all covered be wanderers. They roam with no direction.
The holy land, the promised land - your time will come and they will be returned.

Attach us to your graceful limbs, the pierced palms.
Should our ways diverge, we will be doomed to our deadly fate.

* * *

Altered Course
Chapter #02: Lost Logia

Nanoha slowly crept through the front lawn of her house, sneaking around toward the side gate. Fortunately, it was unlatched and she was able to slip in and quickly make her way across the back yard, heading for the side door leading to the kitchen. She would be able to slip up the stairs to her bedroom without anyone seeing her.

Or so she thought.

"And just where have you been all evening, Nanoha?"

Nanoha froze at the sound of her older sister's voice, her expression sheepish.

"Ah... that is to say..."

"You didn't go to cram school," said Miyuki worriedly. "Suzuka called the house about an hour ago, saying you never showed up. What's going on? What happened to your face?"

Nanoha's eyes widened and she clapped her hands to her face, vainly trying to hide the rapidly-darkening bruise on her cheek. When the black-clad mage had kicked her and knocked her from the air, she had slammed into the ground hard enough to cause such damage.

"Ah, Miyuki-oneechan, you see... when we were on our way to cram school, I heard someone calling out for help, so I went to go see what was wrong... but I lost my footing and fell down a hill..."

Miyuki peered suspiciously at her younger sister, pushing her wire-rimmed glasses higher up on her nose with an index finger.

"... and I hit my head on a tree root. When I woke up, it was already nighttime," finished Nanoha in a small voice. She hated lying to Miyuki, but there was no way her older sister would ever believe what had actually happened to her that evening.

Miyuki's suspicious expression dissolved into one of concern. "Idiot. You should have called us! You made me so worried and you were laying unconscious on the ground..."

"I'm sorry, oneechan," murmured Nanoha softly.

"It's okay. Just don't scare us like that again," said Miyuki with a smile, patting her younger sister on the head. "Are you hungry? There's still some sukiyaki left from dinner."

"I'll have some."

"All right," said Miyuki, walking into the kitchen. "It'll be a few minutes, so go get cleaned up."

* * *

The black-clad mage stood on the roof of a tall office building in downtown Uminari, the wind whipping against her violently, blowing her hair out behind her. She was dressed not in her Barrier Jacket, but instead in civilian clothing, a simple black one-piece with a short skirt and a pair of black boots. Her long blond hair was bound in a low ponytail with a black bow.

"It's close," she murmured aloud. "I can feel it seething with power. The third Lost Logia... the third Jewel Seed we'll collect."

The small golden triangle in her left hand gleamed with an inner light.

"Bardiche, awaken. It's time to go to work," the girl commanded.

"Yes, sir."

With a flash of golden light, the Intelligent Device altered its form, quickly booting out of its suspended mode and into a fully active state. The shard of golden crystal warped and altered into the Device's central orb. Flashes of bright magic heralded the appearance of the haft and axe-like main body.

"[Barrier Jacket, Lightning Form]," Bardiche intoned. A blazing explosion of golden light enveloped the girl's body, flashing through her as the defensive magic took hold. Her ordinary clothing was replaced with the lightweight protective armor of a skirmisher-type mage.

A golden magic circle appeared beneath the black mage's feet. She closed her reddish-brown eyes and concentrated on her power, seeking the faint reaction from the Jewel Seed. The seals that the archaeological team had placed on the artifacts were starting to break down. She would have to finish collecting the remaining twenty-two before that happened.

"How long until the seals completely decay and the Jewel Seeds start to activate uncontrollably?"

"Approximately nine days, sixteen hours, five minutes," Bardiche replied helpfully.

"That's a good boy," the girl said softly, patting the main body of her Intelligent Device fondly. "Let's get going."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

Nanoha sat alone at the dinner table, chewing thoughtfully on a mouthful of stewed beef and mushrooms. Even reheated, her mother's cooking was wonderful. But Nanoha could barely taste the food, so lost in thought she was.

She was worried about Yuuno. The wound to his back would have killed a normal person, but Yuuno was able to not only survive, but actually help fight the black mage. But the wound wasn't totally healed. He'd refused treatment, refused to be taken to a hospital and went off somewhere on his own. Nanoha had no idea where he was or if she would even see him again.

For some reason, the idea that she would never see him again bothered her intensely. She didn't know why.

'I told you I would be okay. You don't have to worry so much.'

Nanoha's eyes widened in shock. That was Yuuno's voice--echoing through her mind.

'Yuuno... ? You're okay?'

'Yes,' the boy replied through thoughtspeech. 'My back still hurts... but the bleeding's completely stopped. I'll be good as new in a few days. You really saved me back there, Nanoha. She would have finished me off for sure. Thank you.'

Nanoha blushed, glad that Yuuno was speaking to her telepathically rather than in person. He wouldn't be able to see it. 'Y-your welcome...'

'I'm sorry for getting you involved in all of this,' Yuuno went on. 'It's just...'

'Stop right there,' Nanoha warned him. 'If you keep talking, I'm going to get mad.'

'Eh?'

'You were going to say that it's better for you to work alone, and that I shouldn't get involved in this any further,' Nanoha accused mentally. 'I'm not just helping you for your sake, Yuuno. I'm doing this because I want to.'

'Why? It has nothing to do with you--'

'It does,' retorted Nanoha. 'These dangerous artifacts are lost in my hometown. You haven't really told me much about them but I'm smart enough to know that a lot of people could get hurt, even die, if we leave them.'

Yuuno didn't reply.

'All right,' he relented, 'I'm grateful for your help. The magic seals we placed on the Jewel Seeds when we first discovered them have already started to decay. In just under ten days, the seals will completely dissipate. We have to find them before that happens, or the black mage takes them.'

'What happens if the seals are gone?' Nanoha wanted to know.

'We're not precisely sure. When we discovered them, they were unsealed yet dormant. We sealed them as rapidly as we could to prevent them from becoming active. If the seals decay, there is a possibility that the Jewel Seeds will activate.'

'What happens if they activate?'

'Nothing good at least,' replied Yuuno grimly. 'I'm going to go investigate a few things tonight. I felt something like a spike of magical power earlier--it may be that the black mage is on the move again.'

'I'll come help you!'

'I'm just going to gather data. I won't be fighting anyone, not in my condition anyway. You used a lot of magic today that you've never used before. Take it easy.'

'... all right,' Nanoha responded glumly. The mental connection was broken and Nanoha was once again left alone with her thoughts and her rapidly-cooling bowl of sukiyaki.

* * *

Miyuki yawned and opened her eyes slowly, blinking the dryness away. Sunlight filtered in through the window in her bedroom, shining directly in her eyes. She put up a hand to shield them as she adjusted to the bright light.

"Morning already?" Miyuki muttered aloud, yawning again. She was so tired... she just wanted to roll back over and go to sleep. Instead she stood up, pulling off her nightshirt and quickly dressing. She pulled a black tanktop over her head and slipped a pair of track pants on.

Miyuki walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, taking out a carafe filled with orange juice and pouring herself a glass. A glass of juice, a quick hour of practice and a hot shower should wake her up good. Miyuki drained the glass rapidly and set it down on the counter before heading out the side door to the back yard.

The dojo dominated most of the Takamachi house's backyard, but it was where three of the five members of the family spent a great deal of time. Miyuki felt somewhat lonely now that Kyouya had moved in with his wife and Shirou's injuries were preventing him from practicing often. Solo practice was one thing, but it wasn't close to sparring with a live and skilled opponent.

Miyuki walked into the dojo and took one of the wooden practice swords off the rack on the wall. She fell into a swordsman's stance and closed her eyes, breathing deeply in, holding for a moment, then breathing deeply out.

She knew something strange was going on with her little sister. As she worked through the various sword katas that made up the foundations of her style, she thought about what could be troubling Nanoha. Perhaps there was a boy she liked? No, it didn't feel like that at all.

Nanoha was in some kind of trouble. Miyuki didn't know how she knew, but she knew. With Kyouya gone, it was Miyuki's responsibility to protect their baby sister. She decided that she would stay close to Nanoha today and make sure she wasn't involved in anything she shouldn't be.

* * *

Miyuki had followed Nanoha this far, but she still had no idea what her little sister had gotten herself involved in. It was a small Shinto shrine about two kilometers from the Takamachi household, a place Miyuki herself often visited when her father had been hospitalized. But Nanoha had never come here before, and Miyuki didn't exactly consider her little sister to be very devout.

She watched from her vantage point behind a clump of bushes as Nanoha stood near the shrine as if waiting for someone. It wasn't long until a sandy-haired boy, no older than fourteen, came running up. Nanoha jumped up and waved excitedly at the newcomer.

At first Miyuki smiled and shook her head. So it was a boyfriend after all. She decided that it would be rude to keep watching her sister and she turned to walk back home, but a strange sensation rippled through the air. Miyuki felt a faint pressure on her mind--an ominous sensation.

'What in the world... ?'

Miyuki watched, openmouthed, as her little sister plucked the small red jewel she wore around her neck and held it high in the air. She said something aloud that Miyuki couldn't quite hear, and the jewel began to shine with radiant light.

Miyuki shielded her eyes from the bright flash. The first thing she could think of was that there had been an explosion and her sister had been caught in it. As soon as the bright glow started to fade, Miyuki opened her eyes, preparing to rush out to Nanoha. But there was no inferno, no blasted landscape.

Instead her sister stood dressed in a strange white uniform trimmed with blue, red and gold. The gemstone held between her forefinger and thumb suddenly flashed with pink-white light as it metamorphosed into a long-hafted staff capped with a large red orb of crystal.

Miyuki could only stare, frozen in place.

* * *

"It's here," said Yuuno definitively. "She hasn't gotten this one yet, and the seal in place is still fairly strong."

"Maybe that's why she wasn't able to find this one before we did," Nanoha suggested.

"True," Yuuno mused aloud. "The seals prevent the Jewel Seeds from emitting any magical energy. If they were to decay, the more energy the artifacts would release. That has to be how she's tracking them."

"How are you tracking them?" Nanoha wanted to know, staring at the small shard of blue crystal nervously.

"By searching for the magical signature of the seals," replied Yuuno as a green-white magic circle formed underneath his feet. "The magic is of the Scrya clan--it's as familiar to me as my own name. Finding them should be easier for us than they are for her, at least until the seals fail..."

"Anyway, let's hurry and recover this one before the black mage shows up--"

A golden bolt of energy arrowed through the air, heading directly for Nanoha's head. Yuuno gasped and quickly cast a defensive spell, bringing a magical point defense into existence between the oncoming projectile and the girl.

A massive explosion rocked the shrine's grounds, sending a cloud of dust high into the air. Nanoha and Yuuno both coughed from the results of the deflected attack. Yuuno's defense had sent the magical blast ricocheting into the ground. A meter-wide crater had been blasted into the flagstone walkway.

As the dust began to clear, Yuuno and Nanoha could both clearly see the black-clad mage, her blond ponytail gently wafting in the wind. Her Intelligent Device was held low at her side in a loose grip. She fixed a melancholy reddish-brown stare on Nanoha and Yuuno.

"You're in my way," she said simply, snapping Baridiche up into a ready stance. The Device's main body angled upward and ignited the blazing energy scythe with a sharp snap-hiss.

Nanoha swung Raising Heart around, pointing the business end of the Device directly at the newcomer. "Who are you? Why are you collecting the Jewel Seeds?!"

"Alicia Testarossa," the black mage said simply. "My reasons are my own. I do not see a need to explain myself to my enemies."

"Why do we have to be enemies?" Nanoha demanded. "If you'd just tell us why you're doing this... I'm sure we could find a solution where everyone's happy, and nobody has to fight..."

Alicia's lips contorted into a small smile. "I doubt that very seriously. Bardiche!"

"[Arc Saber]."

The black-clad mage swung her Device around in a wicked arc, sending the glowing energy blade spinning through the air, heading directly for Nanoha. Her eyes widened as she leapt straight up into the air. Small pink-white wings blazed into being around her ankles.

"[Flier Fin]," Raising Heart stated. Nanoha maintained her flight magic as Alicia renewed the attack, re-igniting Bardiche's energy scythe and leaping into the air to slash at Nanoha directly.

"Chain Bind!" Yuuno shouted as four green-white magical anchors leapt out of the ground before him, wrapping themselves around Alicia's ankles and wrists. The black-clad mage struggled against the binding magic, glaring angrily at Yuuno.

"This won't stop me," she said aloud. A golden magic circle sprang into being beneath her feet as she worked a counterspell, shattering the lengths of chain. Yuuno gasped in shock as Alicia's body seemed to blur and vanish.

"Short-range movement magic!" Yuuno shouted at Nanoha, but it was too late. Alicia's body blurred back into visibility directly in front of the white-jacketed mage. Her body spun around in a blinding series of slashes almost too fast for the eye to follow.

"Nanoha!" Yuuno cried, watching the brown-haired girl slam into the wall of the nearby shrine, gasping desperately for breath.

Apparently she had managed to maneuver Raising Heart in time to block the attack, but the force had thrown her back hard enough against the building to knock the wind from her. The Device's autoguard should have protected her from serious harm.

Yuuno's green eyes hardened as he willed a spell into being. The green-glowing circle of runes formed underneath him as he channeled magical energy into a dimensional lock. The air around the shrine seemed to waver and shift oddly, leaving the colors of the surrounding area appearing slightly washed-out.

The dimensional lock would prevent anyone inside the field effect from using movement magic. Yuuno, a master of translocation spells, was also intimately familiar with ways to prevent enemy mages from utilizing them. Nanoha had already recovered from the blitzkreig attack against her. If only Yuuno could get Alicia out of melee--Nanoha's Device wasn't intended for this sort of close combat, being designed for mid- to long-range bombardment spells.

"Chain Bind!" Yuuno shouted, enacting the same binding spell he had before. The chains wrapped tightly around Alicia's body and halted her advances. It would be dispelled, Yuuno knew, but the couple of seconds it would take the black-clad mage to remove the bind would give Nanoha her range.

Predictably enough the chains shattered a few seconds later, but Nanoha had already gained enough distance. Yuuno's ploy had worked.

"[Shooting Mode]," Raising Heart stated. The Device altered its form to better accomodate direct-fire spells. Nanoha aimed the device at the oncoming close-combat mage, a pink-white circle of runes forming underneath her feet.

The central orb of Raising Heart began to glow brightly with barely-contained energy. Magical runes slowly orbited the aperture of the Device as the powerful bombardment spell slowly built up a charge.

"Divine Buster!" Nanoha shouted. With a deafening boom, the aperture of Raising Heart vented forth a torrent of raving pink-white magic force. The intense beam of radiant light streaked through the air at incredible speed.

Alicia had already predicted such a ploy from these two, but she was unprepared for the power contained within that spell. She dodged to her left, but the attack still scored a glancing blow, sending the black-clad mage spiraling through the air to slam heavily into the grassy earth below.

She struggled to her feet, gritting her teeth through the pain. She was lucky. If she had taken that attack head-on, she probably wouldn't have been breathing for much longer. Planting Bardiche's shaft into the dirt, she levered herself to her feet and resolutely assumed a combat stance.

* * *

Miyuki could no longer stand by and watch.

Her younger sister was fighting well, but it was clear to the bespectacled young woman that the black-clad girl was more experienced and knowledgeable. If left to their own devices, the fight would be over and Nanoha would be the one laying facedown on the ground.

Miyuki couldn't let that happen. She nervously crept around the stand of trees she hid behind, making her way toward the small shrine. Inside was a sword--Miyuki had seen it several times before when she had come to this shrine to wish for her father's recovery.

According to the priestess who maintained this small shrine, the sword was very old and had been handed down through her family for generations. It was rumored to be a holy sword that had once been wielded against demons, many years ago. Miyuki wasn't sure how much of the legend was true, but she couldn't just stand there and watch her baby sister get hurt!

Miyuki opened the sliding door leading to the inside of the shrine. She absently made a warding sign of apology for entering the shrine with her shoes on, but it was an emergency and she didn't have time.

The sword was still exactly where she had seen it the first time, hanging majestically on an ornately-carved cherry-wood stand. Hesitantly she reached out and grasped the sword by the scabbard--

--and she nearly dropped it as a pulse of incredible power surged through her body. She stared down, openmouthed at the weapon as it began to softly radiate a deep reddish-black light.

Not knowing quite what to expect, Miyuki grasped the throat of the scabbard in her left hand, drawing the blade with her right in a smooth motion. She had never seen the blade unsheathed before and didn't quite know what to expect, but what she saw surprised her.

The sword's blade wasn't the usual brightly-polished steel of a masterwork katana, but instead appeared to be a dull, matte dark gray in color. The flat of the blade was etched with countless runes that seemed to glow with the same reddish-black aura as the rest of the weapon.

The legends must've been true. This was much more than an ordinary sword.

A massive explosion rocked the shrine grounds and nearly knocked Miyuki from her feet. She slammed the sword back into its sheath and rushed out the door. Nanoha and the sandy-haired boy were both covered in scorch marks, their protective clothing ripped and damaged. Miyuki's blood began to boil as she noticed a deep slash burned into Nanoha's thigh.

The young woman drew the red-glowing sword resolutely, her blue eyes hardening.

She would protect her sister with her own two hands.

Spoiler for Author's Notes:

The lyrics at the beginning are from Callisto's "Limb: Diasporas" from the album True Nature Unfolds, which I was listening to as I wrote this.

Alicia is finally named to the heroes. This will further advance the plot. Expect the TSAB to show up within the next few chapters.

Why, yes, Miyuki gets to be an Action Girl. ^^; It's not OOC if you've seen the Triangle Heart OVAs.

Trying to find some way for Miyuki to stand up against a Midchildan mage as strong as Alicia (which is not quite as strong as Fate is in canon, but more ruthless) was pretty hard. I was going to give her a Belkan-style Armed Device at first in the shape of a sword, but I changed my mind.

Instead, Miyuki gets something of a more local, traditional power more in line with her canon skills. The sword she's got there is pretty impressive, and while primitive by Midchildan standards, it'll let her fight more or less on equal ground with a mage. Writing Miyuki's part of this fight is going to be a lot of fun.

Without giving away too many spoilers, the "good" triad is Nanoha/Yuuno/Miyuki, with Nanoha handling ranged attacks, Miyuki handling melee combat and Yuuno as support and Mission Control. On the "evil" side we've got Alicia/Linith/Precia (Arf, being Fate's familiar, doesn't exist) with Fate handling combat, Linith handling support and Precia as Mission Control for their side.

She does get in on the fighting eventually, though. Sane!Precia isn't as armchair-commander as her insane canon counterpart. She's a bit more hands-on.

Comments and criticisms welcome.

---

Altered Course
Chapter #00: Raising Heart
Chapter #01: Lyrical, Magical!
Chapter #02: Lost Logia

[OZ7UP]

Heh, well, what a really polite chain of responses to a DKN117 post... I wonder what could have brought this about.

Originally Posted by DKN117

I... I honestly don't know what my motivations are. On one hand I'm partly fishing for good reviews from my work. On the other, I've been writing stories for years (I have an ff.net account), AND I have a very well-detailed mega-crossover story that I have made for my eyes only over the last 4+ years that will almost-certainly never see the public eye, mostly because of fear of criticism, but also for my own enjoyment (well, really, it's more a GIGANTIC 67-page-and-counting outline).

First of all, props to you for actually keeping your cool, and for your attempt at poking some fun at yourself. Regarding your (lack of) motivations, it is pretty strange. As I've mentioned a couple of times many pages back, I'm usually more of a musician and a visual artist (if you can call it that) and not a writer, but even I do have a motivation when it comes to writing, and that's for getting rid of all plot bunnies that happen to cross my mind. When I do post, it's because I feel as though I've written something good enough to share with other people. That said, looking back, I was, and still am pretty ashamed of the very first fic that I've posted. I had to step back for a little while and try something different. My Archie crossover fic had potential, but given all the relationships that I had to juggle with the two main plots, I had no choice but to scrap it. Now, I'm just perfectly content working on my Pride & Prejudice crossover. To anyone who's interested in reading it, Chapter 3's about 75% complete (at slightly over 2000 words - these things are getting longer and longer...), and I'll have it posted as soon as I have it beta'd.

For the whole "getting good reviews" bit. I'll have to agree with the others. Just because people don't read reviews doesn't mean your story was not read. It's that either they don't have the time to respond to every single thing in this thread (we all have to live IRL, after all), or they feel that your story has potential, but are waiting to see where it goes before commenting. My advice for when you finally post?

A huge title helps to attract attention.

SIDE NOTE: No idea where to roll with this: the girls form a band. Vita on drums, Hayate on bass guitar, Fate is main guitar and backup vocals (her guitar is black & gold, and is named Guitardiche), and Nanoha is secondary guitar and main vocals (her guitar would be... Raising Note, perhaps?)

Eh, lemme see if I can whip up something to show you how easy it is to write something that's been developed beyond an idea, no matter how short the "something" is.

Originally Posted by Thunderbird

My rule of thumb when writing a story: If you, the Author, cant read your story at least a couple times and actually enjoy reading it like you would had it been written by someone else, then its probably best for you to take a step back and look at how and why you are writing to begin with...

Yeah, had to do that a couple of times before starting work on my current crossover. It was definitely a good wake-up call for me.

* shot at for continuous self-promotion *

Ow.

I am not saying that everyone who reads the story will always bring out constructive criticism, there will always be the jerks that only say "this sucks" then leave. I don't even need to mention that you shouldn't even bother with those guys. However even if there are only 1 or 2 people that actually do give your constructive criticism that help enhance your writing, you owe it to them as people who actually took the time out of their day to read your story to help you out, to learn from what they see that 90% of the time we authors don't see since it makes perfect sense in our heads but never really comes out perfect on the page.

Once you find your motivation to write, I hope you would start to conquer your fear of criticism. I am fairly sure there will be people here who are interested in what you write.

Hope you're taking note of this, DKN117. And remember, since you do have a couple of good ideas, we're looking forward to seeing them in story-form, even if they're just snippets of one-shots.

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

guitardiche is the most metal thing I've read in FFT, ever.

Heh.

* dashes off to make a phone call to the Japanese branch of ESP Guitars. *

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

@DKN117: Fear of criticism is a normal thing. As human beings we strive for acceptance from others. But sometimes what we really need is acceptance from ourselves regardless of what others think. Write something you think is good. If you make something you're proud of and would like to show it to others, go right ahead. There's always the possibility that some one will harsh on you about it, but there will always be at least one person who will like it as well. And if people approach you and say "It was ok, but I think it can be better", let them help you! Use their input and make your work something you'll be even more proud of!

Precisely.

@ DKN117:Not that I have actually read Evil Rick's stuff yet, but despite all the flak and criticism that he received for his work, he still soldiered on, and some people still enjoyed reading his stuff. Given the format of how his stories are presented, well, yeah, props to him.

And if you ever feel bad that people don't like you, just remember one thing: People compare others to me as the ultimate insult

Oh? Why is that so?

Edit: Adding on a small one-shot that I promised earlier. It's completely unscripted, FYI.

Spoiler for Signum/Shamal, OOC-ness:

"Testarossa, I just cannot do this." Signum was standing in the middle of a small make-shift rehearsal room with a microphone in her hand. Both Fate and Nanoha were standing nearby with their guitars, while Zafira, with his Fender Precision Bass, was watching on alongside Vita, who was grumbling about how hard it was to find a drum kit for someone her size.

"Don't give up now, Signum," Fate attempted to calm the pink-haired knight, "it's pretty hard to shrug off the fear of the magnitude of what you are about to do, but remember, you wanted this."

"Besides," Nanoha added, "the Riot Force 6 talent show is the best opportunity to express your feelings, so why give up now? After all, you have faced much worse things in your previous existences."

Signum sighed. "Very well, Takamachi. Zafira, Vita, let's do this from the top."

***************

The talent show had turned out to be a massive success. As the stage crew were moving the amplifiers and the drum kit onto the stage, people were busy discussing the acts they felt worthy of winning the show. While there was no doubt that everyone had enjoyed a rousing performance of "YMCA" from the group of Chrono, Yuuno, Vice, Griffith, and Verossa, the comedy act that Teana and Subaru put on had proved itself as a dark horse.

The lights dimmed as Signum, Fate, Nanoha, Zafira, and Vita walked onto the stage.

***************

"I don't know about this, Hayate," Shamal stammered as the Mistress of the Tome of the Night Sky dragged her towards the hall where the talent show was being held. "I mean, what if someone needs medical attention?"

"Oh, don't worry, Shamal," the brunette replied cheerfully, "you should know that I gave everyone a day off just for today. Just get in there, sit back, and have some fun!"

As the two entered the hall, Hayate could barely suppress a grin. Oh yeah, Operation Shagnum's a-go-go!

***************

As soon as she saw Shamal walk in, Signum raised her microphone and nodded at the band. At once, the Guardian Beast started playing a bass melody that ascended before descending, and left the last chord to hang for a few seconds. A few hits of the hi-hat later, the guitars crashed in.

Signum:
They turn the lights down low,
In shadows hiding from the world,
Only coming out when it gets cold

The seas part when they hit the floor,
The voices carry on and out the door
And everything you touch turns into gold

Like the angel you are you laugh creating
A lightness in my chest,
Your eyes they penetrate me,
(your answer's always 'maybe')
That's when I got up and left

A beating heart and a microphone,
A ticking clock in an empty home
Still tells of these times so long ago,

Even though I've come so far,
I know I've got so far to go
And any day now I'll explode

Like the angel you are you laugh creating
A lightness in my chest,
Your eyes they penetrate me,
(your answer's always 'maybe')
That's when I got up and left.

As Fate started the first half of the guitar solo, Signum got off the stage and made a dash towards where Shamal was standing. Without even giving the blonde any time to react at all, the Blaze Commander pressed her lips over Shamal's own, claiming them with such strong hunger. When the blonde started kissing back, Signum reluctantly broke the kiss as Nanoha's half of the guitar solo was drawing to a close.

Signum:
And each and everyday will lead into tomorrow
tomorrow brings one less day without you
But don't wait up just leave the light on
'Cause all the roads that I might take
will all one day lead back to you

And like the angel you are you laugh creating
A lightness in my chest,
Your eyes they penetrate me,
(never cease to amaze me)
That's when I got up and left.

As the song ended, it was Shamal who started the kiss. As the two broke apart for air, ignoring the looks on the faces of the audience, the blonde could not help but giggle. "So, that's why you've been ignoring me recently."

"Being a knight, I was not sure on how to act on my feelings when they first started to develop. Could you forgive me for the suddenness of all this?"

"Don't be silly, Signum. As far as I can remember, you claimed this angel's heart a long time ago." The two kissed again, ignoring all the "D'awwwwwwww"s that were coming from the audience and the grins on Hayate and the band's faces.

A/N: The song is "Like The Angel" by Rise Against.

Yeah, enjoy.

[00-Raiser]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

New chapter, longer than the others.

Spoiler for Altered Course #02: Lost Logia:

Separation from the body of Christ.
Town divided in numerous districts.

The globe all covered be wanderers. They roam with no direction.
The holy land, the promised land - your time will come and they will be returned.

Attach us to your graceful limbs, the pierced palms.
Should our ways diverge, we will be doomed to our deadly fate.

* * *

Altered Course
Chapter #02: Lost Logia

Nanoha slowly crept through the front lawn of her house, sneaking around toward the side gate. Fortunately, it was unlatched and she was able to slip in and quickly make her way across the back yard, heading for the side door leading to the kitchen. She would be able to slip up the stairs to her bedroom without anyone seeing her.

Or so she thought.

"And just where have you been all evening, Nanoha?"

Nanoha froze at the sound of her older sister's voice, her expression sheepish.

"Ah... that is to say..."

"You didn't go to cram school," said Miyuki worriedly. "Suzuka called the house about an hour ago, saying you never showed up. What's going on? What happened to your face?"

Nanoha's eyes widened and she clapped her hands to her face, vainly trying to hide the rapidly-darkening bruise on her cheek. When the black-clad mage had kicked her and knocked her from the air, she had slammed into the ground hard enough to cause such damage.

"Ah, Miyuki-oneechan, you see... when we were on our way to cram school, I heard someone calling out for help, so I went to go see what was wrong... but I lost my footing and fell down a hill..."

Miyuki peered suspiciously at her younger sister, pushing her wire-rimmed glasses higher up on her nose with an index finger.

"... and I hit my head on a tree root. When I woke up, it was already nighttime," finished Nanoha in a small voice. She hated lying to Miyuki, but there was no way her older sister would ever believe what had actually happened to her that evening.

Miyuki's suspicious expression dissolved into one of concern. "Idiot. You should have called us! You made me so worried and you were laying unconscious on the ground..."

"I'm sorry, oneechan," murmured Nanoha softly.

"It's okay. Just don't scare us like that again," said Miyuki with a smile, patting her younger sister on the head. "Are you hungry? There's still some sukiyaki left from dinner."

"I'll have some."

"All right," said Miyuki, walking into the kitchen. "It'll be a few minutes, so go get cleaned up."

* * *

The black-clad mage stood on the roof of a tall office building in downtown Uminari, the wind whipping against her violently, blowing her hair out behind her. She was dressed not in her Barrier Jacket, but instead in civilian clothing, a simple black one-piece with a short skirt and a pair of black boots. Her long blond hair was bound in a low ponytail with a black bow.

"It's close," she murmured aloud. "I can feel it seething with power. The third Lost Logia... the third Jewel Seed we'll collect."

The small golden triangle in her left hand gleamed with an inner light.

"Bardiche, awaken. It's time to go to work," the girl commanded.

"Yes, sir."

With a flash of golden light, the Intelligent Device altered its form, quickly booting out of its suspended mode and into a fully active state. The shard of golden crystal warped and altered into the Device's central orb. Flashes of bright magic heralded the appearance of the haft and axe-like main body.

"[Barrier Jacket, Lightning Form]," Bardiche intoned. A blazing explosion of golden light enveloped the girl's body, flashing through her as the defensive magic took hold. Her ordinary clothing was replaced with the lightweight protective armor of a skirmisher-type mage.

A golden magic circle appeared beneath the black mage's feet. She closed her reddish-brown eyes and concentrated on her power, seeking the faint reaction from the Jewel Seed. The seals that the archaeological team had placed on the artifacts were starting to break down. She would have to finish collecting the remaining twenty-two before that happened.

"How long until the seals completely decay and the Jewel Seeds start to activate uncontrollably?"

"Approximately nine days, sixteen hours, five minutes," Bardiche replied helpfully.

"That's a good boy," the girl said softly, patting the main body of her Intelligent Device fondly. "Let's get going."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

Nanoha sat alone at the dinner table, chewing thoughtfully on a mouthful of stewed beef and mushrooms. Even reheated, her mother's cooking was wonderful. But Nanoha could barely taste the food, so lost in thought she was.

She was worried about Yuuno. The wound to his back would have killed a normal person, but Yuuno was able to not only survive, but actually help fight the black mage. But the wound wasn't totally healed. He'd refused treatment, refused to be taken to a hospital and went off somewhere on his own. Nanoha had no idea where he was or if she would even see him again.

For some reason, the idea that she would never see him again bothered her intensely. She didn't know why.

'I told you I would be okay. You don't have to worry so much.'

Nanoha's eyes widened in shock. That was Yuuno's voice--echoing through her mind.

'Yuuno... ? You're okay?'

'Yes,' the boy replied through thoughtspeech. 'My back still hurts... but the bleeding's completely stopped. I'll be good as new in a few days. You really saved me back there, Nanoha. She would have finished me off for sure. Thank you.'

Nanoha blushed, glad that Yuuno was speaking to her telepathically rather than in person. He wouldn't be able to see it. 'Y-your welcome...'

'I'm sorry for getting you involved in all of this,' Yuuno went on. 'It's just...'

'Stop right there,' Nanoha warned him. 'If you keep talking, I'm going to get mad.'

'Eh?'

'You were going to say that it's better for you to work alone, and that I shouldn't get involved in this any further,' Nanoha accused mentally. 'I'm not just helping you for your sake, Yuuno. I'm doing this because I want to.'

'Why? It has nothing to do with you--'

'It does,' retorted Nanoha. 'These dangerous artifacts are lost in my hometown. You haven't really told me much about them but I'm smart enough to know that a lot of people could get hurt, even die, if we leave them.'

Yuuno didn't reply.

'All right,' he relented, 'I'm grateful for your help. The magic seals we placed on the Jewel Seeds when we first discovered them have already started to decay. In just under ten days, the seals will completely dissipate. We have to find them before that happens, or the black mage takes them.'

'What happens if the seals are gone?' Nanoha wanted to know.

'We're not precisely sure. When we discovered them, they were unsealed yet dormant. We sealed them as rapidly as we could to prevent them from becoming active. If the seals decay, there is a possibility that the Jewel Seeds will activate.'

'What happens if they activate?'

'Nothing good at least,' replied Yuuno grimly. 'I'm going to go investigate a few things tonight. I felt something like a spike of magical power earlier--it may be that the black mage is on the move again.'

'I'll come help you!'

'I'm just going to gather data. I won't be fighting anyone, not in my condition anyway. You used a lot of magic today that you've never used before. Take it easy.'

'... all right,' Nanoha responded glumly. The mental connection was broken and Nanoha was once again left alone with her thoughts and her rapidly-cooling bowl of sukiyaki.

* * *

Miyuki yawned and opened her eyes slowly, blinking the dryness away. Sunlight filtered in through the window in her bedroom, shining directly in her eyes. She put up a hand to shield them as she adjusted to the bright light.

"Morning already?" Miyuki muttered aloud, yawning again. She was so tired... she just wanted to roll back over and go to sleep. Instead she stood up, pulling off her nightshirt and quickly dressing. She pulled a black tanktop over her head and slipped a pair of track pants on.

Miyuki walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, taking out a carafe filled with orange juice and pouring herself a glass. A glass of juice, a quick hour of practice and a hot shower should wake her up good. Miyuki drained the glass rapidly and set it down on the counter before heading out the side door to the back yard.

The dojo dominated most of the Takamachi house's backyard, but it was where three of the five members of the family spent a great deal of time. Miyuki felt somewhat lonely now that Kyouya had moved in with his wife and Shirou's injuries were preventing him from practicing often. Solo practice was one thing, but it wasn't close to sparring with a live and skilled opponent.

Miyuki walked into the dojo and took one of the wooden practice swords off the rack on the wall. She fell into a swordsman's stance and closed her eyes, breathing deeply in, holding for a moment, then breathing deeply out.

She knew something strange was going on with her little sister. As she worked through the various sword katas that made up the foundations of her style, she thought about what could be troubling Nanoha. Perhaps there was a boy she liked? No, it didn't feel like that at all.

Nanoha was in some kind of trouble. Miyuki didn't know how she knew, but she knew. With Kyouya gone, it was Miyuki's responsibility to protect their baby sister. She decided that she would stay close to Nanoha today and make sure she wasn't involved in anything she shouldn't be.

* * *

Miyuki had followed Nanoha this far, but she still had no idea what her little sister had gotten herself involved in. It was a small Shinto shrine about two kilometers from the Takamachi household, a place Miyuki herself often visited when her father had been hospitalized. But Nanoha had never come here before, and Miyuki didn't exactly consider her little sister to be very devout.

She watched from her vantage point behind a clump of bushes as Nanoha stood near the shrine as if waiting for someone. It wasn't long until a sandy-haired boy, no older than fourteen, came running up. Nanoha jumped up and waved excitedly at the newcomer.

At first Miyuki smiled and shook her head. So it was a boyfriend after all. She decided that it would be rude to keep watching her sister and she turned to walk back home, but a strange sensation rippled through the air. Miyuki felt a faint pressure on her mind--an ominous sensation.

'What in the world... ?'

Miyuki watched, openmouthed, as her little sister plucked the small red jewel she wore around her neck and held it high in the air. She said something aloud that Miyuki couldn't quite hear, and the jewel began to shine with radiant light.

Miyuki shielded her eyes from the bright flash. The first thing she could think of was that there had been an explosion and her sister had been caught in it. As soon as the bright glow started to fade, Miyuki opened her eyes, preparing to rush out to Nanoha. But there was no inferno, no blasted landscape.

Instead her sister stood dressed in a strange white uniform trimmed with blue, red and gold. The gemstone held between her forefinger and thumb suddenly flashed with pink-white light as it metamorphosed into a long-hafted staff capped with a large red orb of crystal.

Miyuki could only stare, frozen in place.

* * *

"It's here," said Yuuno definitively. "She hasn't gotten this one yet, and the seal in place is still fairly strong."

"Maybe that's why she wasn't able to find this one before we did," Nanoha suggested.

"True," Yuuno mused aloud. "The seals prevent the Jewel Seeds from emitting any magical energy. If they were to decay, the more energy the artifacts would release. That has to be how she's tracking them."

"How are you tracking them?" Nanoha wanted to know, staring at the small shard of blue crystal nervously.

"By searching for the magical signature of the seals," replied Yuuno as a green-white magic circle formed underneath his feet. "The magic is of the Scrya clan--it's as familiar to me as my own name. Finding them should be easier for us than they are for her, at least until the seals fail..."

"Anyway, let's hurry and recover this one before the black mage shows up--"

A golden bolt of energy arrowed through the air, heading directly for Nanoha's head. Yuuno gasped and quickly cast a defensive spell, bringing a magical point defense into existence between the oncoming projectile and the girl.

A massive explosion rocked the shrine's grounds, sending a cloud of dust high into the air. Nanoha and Yuuno both coughed from the results of the deflected attack. Yuuno's defense had sent the magical blast ricocheting into the ground. A meter-wide crater had been blasted into the flagstone walkway.

As the dust began to clear, Yuuno and Nanoha could both clearly see the black-clad mage, her blond ponytail gently wafting in the wind. Her Intelligent Device was held low at her side in a loose grip. She fixed a melancholy reddish-brown stare on Nanoha and Yuuno.

"You're in my way," she said simply, snapping Baridiche up into a ready stance. The Device's main body angled upward and ignited the blazing energy scythe with a sharp snap-hiss.

Nanoha swung Raising Heart around, pointing the business end of the Device directly at the newcomer. "Who are you? Why are you collecting the Jewel Seeds?!"

"Alicia Testarossa," the black mage said simply. "My reasons are my own. I do not see a need to explain myself to my enemies."

"Why do we have to be enemies?" Nanoha demanded. "If you'd just tell us why you're doing this... I'm sure we could find a solution where everyone's happy, and nobody has to fight..."

Alicia's lips contorted into a small smile. "I doubt that very seriously. Bardiche!"

"[Arc Saber]."

The black-clad mage swung her Device around in a wicked arc, sending the glowing energy blade spinning through the air, heading directly for Nanoha. Her eyes widened as she leapt straight up into the air. Small pink-white wings blazed into being around her ankles.

"[Flier Fin]," Raising Heart stated. Nanoha maintained her flight magic as Alicia renewed the attack, re-igniting Bardiche's energy scythe and leaping into the air to slash at Nanoha directly.

"Chain Bind!" Yuuno shouted as four green-white magical anchors leapt out of the ground before him, wrapping themselves around Alicia's ankles and wrists. The black-clad mage struggled against the binding magic, glaring angrily at Yuuno.

"This won't stop me," she said aloud. A golden magic circle sprang into being beneath her feet as she worked a counterspell, shattering the lengths of chain. Yuuno gasped in shock as Alicia's body seemed to blur and vanish.

"Short-range movement magic!" Yuuno shouted at Nanoha, but it was too late. Alicia's body blurred back into visibility directly in front of the white-jacketed mage. Her body spun around in a blinding series of slashes almost too fast for the eye to follow.

"Nanoha!" Yuuno cried, watching the brown-haired girl slam into the wall of the nearby shrine, gasping desperately for breath.

Apparently she had managed to maneuver Raising Heart in time to block the attack, but the force had thrown her back hard enough against the building to knock the wind from her. The Device's autoguard should have protected her from serious harm.

Yuuno's green eyes hardened as he willed a spell into being. The green-glowing circle of runes formed underneath him as he channeled magical energy into a dimensional lock. The air around the shrine seemed to waver and shift oddly, leaving the colors of the surrounding area appearing slightly washed-out.

The dimensional lock would prevent anyone inside the field effect from using movement magic. Yuuno, a master of translocation spells, was also intimately familiar with ways to prevent enemy mages from utilizing them. Nanoha had already recovered from the blitzkreig attack against her. If only Yuuno could get Alicia out of melee--Nanoha's strength lie in her bombardment spells.

"Chain Bind!" Yuuno shouted, enacting the same binding spell he had before. The chains wrapped tightly around Alicia's body and halted her advances. It would be dispelled, Yuuno knew, but the couple of seconds it would take the black-clad mage to remove the bind would give Nanoha her range.

Predictably enough the chains shattered a few seconds later, but Nanoha had already gained enough distance. Yuuno's ploy had worked.

"[Shooting Mode]," Raising Heart stated. The Device altered its form to better accomodate direct-fire spells. Nanoha aimed the device at the oncoming close-combat mage, a pink-white circle of runes forming underneath her feet.

The central orb of Raising Heart began to glow brightly with barely-contained energy. Magical runes slowly orbited the aperture of the Device as the powerful bombardment spell slowly built up a charge.

"Divine Buster!" Nanoha shouted. With a deafening boom, the aperture of Raising Heart vented forth a torrent of raving pink-white magic force. The intense beam of radiant light streaked through the air at incredible speed.

Alicia had already predicted such a ploy from these two, but she was unprepared for the power contained within that spell. She dodged to her left, but the attack still scored a glancing blow, sending the black-clad mage spiraling through the air to slam heavily into the grassy earth below.

She struggled to her feet, gritting her teeth through the pain. She was lucky. If she had taken that attack head-on, she probably wouldn't have been breathing for much longer. Planting Bardiche's shaft into the dirt, she levered herself to her feet and resolutely assumed a combat stance.

* * *

Miyuki could no longer stand by and watch.

Her younger sister was fighting well, but it was clear to the bespectacled young woman that the black-clad girl was more experienced and knowledgeable. If left to their own devices, the fight would be over and Nanoha would be the one laying facedown on the ground.

Miyuki couldn't let that happen. She nervously crept around the stand of trees she hid behind, making her way toward the small shrine. Inside was a sword--Miyuki had seen it several times before when she had come to this shrine to wish for her father's recovery.

According to the priestess who maintained this small shrine, the sword was very old and had been handed down through her family for generations. It was rumored to be a holy sword that had once been wielded against demons, many years ago. Miyuki wasn't sure how much of the legend was true, but she couldn't just stand there and watch her baby sister get hurt!

Miyuki opened the sliding door leading to the inside of the shrine. She absently made a warding sign of apology for entering the shrine with her shoes on, but it was an emergency and she didn't have time.

The sword was still exactly where she had seen it the first time, hanging majestically on an ornately-carved cherry-wood stand. Hesitantly she reached out and grasped the sword by the scabbard--

--and she nearly dropped it as a pulse of incredible power surged through her body. She stared down, openmouthed at the weapon as it began to softly radiate a deep reddish-black light.

Not knowing quite what to expect, Miyuki grasped the throat of the scabbard in her left hand, drawing the blade with her right in a smooth motion. She had never seen the blade unsheathed before and didn't quite know what to expect, but what she saw surprised her.

The sword's blade wasn't the usual brightly-polished steel of a masterwork katana, but instead appeared to be a dull, matte dark gray in color. The flat of the blade was etched with countless runes that seemed to glow with the same reddish-black aura as the rest of the weapon.

The legends must've been true. This was much more than an ordinary sword.

A massive explosion rocked the shrine grounds and nearly knocked Miyuki from her feet. She slammed the sword back into its sheath and rushed out the door. Nanoha and the sandy-haired boy were both covered in scorch marks, their protective clothing ripped and damaged. Miyuki's blood began to boil as she noticed a deep slash burned into Nanoha's thigh.

The young woman drew the red-glowing sword resolutely, her blue eyes hardening.

She would protect her sister with her own two hands.

Spoiler for Author's Notes:

The lyrics at the beginning are from Callisto's "Limb: Diasporas" from the album True Nature Unfolds, which I was listening to as I wrote this.

Alicia is finally named to the heroes. This will further advance the plot. Expect the TSAB to show up within the next few chapters.

Why, yes, Miyuki gets to be an Action Girl. ^^; It's not OOC if you've seen the Triangle Heart OVAs.

Trying to find some way for Miyuki to stand up against a Midchildan mage as strong as Alicia (which is not quite as strong as Fate is in canon, but more ruthless) was pretty hard. I was going to give her a Belkan-style Armed Device at first in the shape of a sword, but I changed my mind.

Instead, Miyuki gets something of a more local, traditional power more in line with her canon skills. The sword she's got there is pretty impressive, and while primitive by Midchildan standards, it'll let her fight more or less on equal ground with a mage. Writing Miyuki's part of this fight is going to be a lot of fun.

Without giving away too many spoilers, the "good" triad is Nanoha/Yuuno/Miyuki, with Nanoha handling ranged attacks, Miyuki handling melee combat and Yuuno as support and Mission Control. On the "evil" side we've got Alicia/Linith/Precia (Arf, being Fate's familiar, doesn't exist) with Fate handling combat, Linith handling support and Precia as Mission Control for their side.

She does get in on the fighting eventually, though. Sane!Precia isn't as armchair-commander as her insane canon counterpart. She's a bit more hands-on.

Comments and criticisms welcome.

---

Altered Course
Chapter #00: Raising Heart
Chapter #01: Lyrical, Magical!
Chapter #02: Lost Logia

A bigger role for Miyuki? I'm behind this 9001%! If you are going down the Yuunoha route, I think having Miyuki knowledgeable about that will provide some fun . Once again you do a great job describing things. You totally kick my ass in that department. It's definitely on par with stuff I read in published novels. I look forward to the next chapter.

Originally Posted by OZ7UP

Oh? Why is that so?

It's a long story, but I'll try to make it as brief as possible. It started when I wrote a story about Nanoha getting married, but I didn't say who she was marrying until the very end (it was Yuuno). However, I was an idiot and went "Dur hur hur, I'll mark it N/F and then say it means Nanoha/Ferret! Oh I'm so clever!" And my retardedness continued when I put a note at the end which basically said "Haha, I tricked you!"

So this rightfully got me labeled as a troll. I removed the note and improper tag the next morning after realising my stupidity, but alas it was too late. I made efforts to apologise and make up for it, but that isn't enough for some people.

Even after that, though, for a while I was the only author on FF.net posting (properly labeled) Yuuno related stories, in which I paired him with both Nanoha and Fate. But this only intensified the malice directed toward me because I was a "homophobic troll that insists on destroying Nanoha and Fate's beautiful canon relationship by pairing them with the ferret."

So as a result on imageboards I've seen things like "You're a worse troll than F91!" or "Get lost furfag. You must be that F91 guy because he's the only one who cares about Yuuno!"

My name shall forever live on in infamy! BWAHAHAHA!!!

[OZ7UP]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

It's a long story, but I'll try to make it as brief as possible. It started when I wrote a story about Nanoha getting married, but I didn't say who she was marrying until the very end (it was Yuuno). However, I was an idiot and went "Dur hur hur, I'll mark it N/F and then say it means Nanoha/Ferret! Oh I'm so clever!" And my retardedness continued when I put a note at the end which basically said "Haha, I tricked you!"

So this rightfully got me labeled as a troll. I removed the note and improper tag the next morning after realising my stupidity, but alas it was too late. I made efforts to apologise and make up for it, but that isn't enough for some people.

Even after that, though, for a while I was the only author on FF.net posting (properly labeled) Yuuno related stories, in which I paired him with both Nanoha and Fate. But this only intensified the malice directed toward me because I was a "homophobic troll that insists on destroying Nanoha and Fate's beautiful canon relationship by pairing them with the ferret."

So as a result on imageboards I've seen things like "You're a worse troll than F91!" or "Get lost furfag. You must be that F91 guy because he's the only one who cares about Yuuno!"

My name shall forever live on in infamy! BWAHAHAHA!!!

* shakes head slowly *

What sad lives those guys live. They give NanoFate fans a really bad name.

EDIT: Oh, FYI, I've added a short to my previous post regarding forming a band.

[Thunderbird]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

A bigger role for Miyuki? I'm behind this 9001%! If you are going down the Yuunoha route, I think having Miyuki knowledgeable about that will provide some fun . Once again you do a great job describing things. You totally kick my ass in that department. It's definitely on par with stuff I read in published novels. I look forward to the next chapter.



It's a long story, but I'll try to make it as brief as possible. It started when I wrote a story about Nanoha getting married, but I didn't say who she was marrying until the very end (it was Yuuno). However, I was an idiot and went "Dur hur hur, I'll mark it N/F and then say it means Nanoha/Ferret! Oh I'm so clever!" And my retardedness continued when I put a note at the end which basically said "Haha, I tricked you!"

So this rightfully got me labeled as a troll. I removed the note and improper tag the next morning after realising my stupidity, but alas it was too late. I made efforts to apologise and make up for it, but that isn't enough for some people.

Even after that, though, for a while I was the only author on FF.net posting (properly labeled) Yuuno related stories, in which I paired him with both Nanoha and Fate. But this only intensified the malice directed toward me because I was a "homophobic troll that insists on destroying Nanoha and Fate's beautiful canon relationship by pairing them with the ferret."

So as a result on imageboards I've seen things like "You're a worse troll than F91!" or "Get lost furfag. You must be that F91 guy because he's the only one who cares about Yuuno!"

My name shall forever live on in infamy! BWAHAHAHA!!!

Wow, that's pretty brutal. But I must say though, the fact that you haven't lost your head shows that you have strong resolve. Me personally? I would just LMAO and keep going. I mean, I'm the author right? Although I sometimes get killed by the very characters I write about (Excel Saga anyone?), we should still be entitled to our opinions. I will say though...the joke might have slightly crossed the threshold there, but at the same time, they didn't have to go that far. I personally found it funny...but I guess I am more "unrestricted" than some people *shrugs*

[RadiantBeam]

...

Good Lord, I disappear for two days and the FFT explodes!