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Old 2017-04-12, 19:46   Link #661
Dr. Casey
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Tennessee
Age: 29
- "It's disgusting how much she's corrupted him." Yeah, that puts me in the mood to go back and read Santa Magica once this is over, to see the old Jinnai again (and his old relationship with Tatsuya). Definitely a lot of good character development over the course of the three stories.

- Clever use of Honoka's weather control here.

- The brief interlude with Madoka, Bandit Keith, and Pegasus was pretty much just a string of comedy gold. I like how in Bandit Keith's mind, he's always in America no matter what.

- Google'd Elf Child May. That is indeed a cute girl, as is her flavor text/card description.

- "Doctor Casey's response was unprintable" Like I told you on Discord, definitely true to real life. Riding in a car for 30 minutes can give me a horrible headache, never mind something like this.

- Darthtabby is really cool in this scene. If he has zero anxiety about fighting giant mechs, I don't know if he's capable of feeling scared of anything at all (well, except for Moefox onii-chan doing cute things). Haak and Darth could star in a buddy cop story that would be the most manly thing ever written in the history of fiction.

- Very fun and exciting scene overall with a fun contrast between Darth and myself.

- The scene where Chika takes a detour to hug Riko before ending the match is something that could be really elegant and beautiful in an anime. I was always obviously joking during the Santa Magica and Fate Halloween/Night reviews about there being anime adaptations someday, but hey, considering recent Deep Learning/AI art advances, who knows what we can do in a few years. (I'm personally expecting some kind of fanime boom around the 2023~2027 range where homebrew anime starts becoming a more common thing and leads to new seasons for otherwise dead series... but anyway, back to the review)

- Ooh, Kasumi. It never actually occured to me that she would turn up in the story.

- That was a great scene, Jinnai's rushing into harm's way and his monologue afterwards. Gave me goosebumps, too.

- Wow, I didn't expect Jinnai to quickly wipe out Cell with one swift attack. That was really awesome.

- I don't know anything about Shadowverse, but yeah, Bandit Keith bullshitting and making it so that every single card is America-related is completely hilarious.
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Old 2017-04-12, 23:03   Link #662
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Join Date: Jul 2009
I see you cut the bit at the end where I let my guard down and got caught flat footed by a mech I thought I had destroyed. I actually agree with your decision there -I wrote that part because I was worried the fight would seem too short/easy, but it made the original version of the scene awfully long. I can also appreciate your decision to switch to an instrumental (non vocal) version of the "Dogfight" track.

I thought my roll in the story would be more or less over after that scene, but the addition of another Macross character in a antagonist roll has me wondering if I might be able to contribute a little more. Kind of depends one what your plans are though -from what I gather you have a pretty set idea of what you want to do with the later chapters.

I wasn't initially sure if the Kanna in this fanfic was supposed to be the character from Maid Dragon. I don't think hot or human hating are accurate ways to describe her. She's more like the most adorable thing ever. To the point where it's actually kind of hard for me to take her seriously as an antagonist.

Let's Watch Full Metal Panic Together!
Get ready for the new season of FMP by joining my weekly group watch of Full Metal Panic and Full Metal Panic: The Second Raid. Series newcomers welcome!
Current Episode: Episode 15
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Old 2017-04-13, 16:37   Link #663
You're dead to me.
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: UK
Age: 26
Originally Posted by Triple_R View Post
Very nice, lol! I'm glad that this and Kylon Ren scene both worked well for you, Haak. I have to say, Haak, that I'm relieved you're getting something of value out of this fic, since you haven't played Shadowverse, you only watched a little bit of either WIXOSS anime, and IIRC, you haven't watched either Love Live! or El Hazard.
To be honest, I'm mostly in it for the comedy. There isn't really a whole lot of overalap between watch I've watched and what's in this fanfic so most of it flies over my head. XP

Oh btw, I say "arse" not "ass".
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Old 2017-04-14, 19:24   Link #664
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Age: 23
Spoiler for chapter 7 & 8stuff:

Spoiler for chapter 9 stuff:
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Old 2017-04-16, 00:32   Link #665
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: FL, USA
Age: 29
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Thoughts on ch 9:
-Really tense openner, was interesting to see Apostle switch sides, I wonder who is really is to keep up with so many fighters.
-Pegasus & Keith's exchanges are just comedy gold .
-“Well, you're a traitor to proper vocabulary!” wow, that's probably the best funniest and most harsh retort I've seen Haak get .
-"Kawaiiko-Chan" wow, that's probably the silliest name I've heard for such a powerful mecha in a long time if not ever .
-Great song choice for the mecha action sections ^^.
-Poor flavory getting defeated offscreen D:, I guess it's fitting I get to fight Carol this time around after having avoided her last time.
-The Windy/Chika vs Arima/Riko match was excellently done and well explained, and I liked great synergy between their abilities for Arima/Riko.
-A great lovely bit at the end of the match between Chika & Riko <3 <3.
-Cell is such a monster in this fanfic more than I even remember him being . Great scene for Jinnai risking himself to saving Honoka & Kasumi then, and defeating to Cell, he's come far from who use to be for sure to do something like that really showed how much more humanity he's gained compared to his past self~.
-“Neutrality is for the Swiss!” protested Bandit Keith, “It has no place in America!” This has to be my favorite quote from him yet .
-Kanna seems to be in her attitude prior to meeting Kobayashi here.
-Wow the match here certain went over the top fast with that coin bet .
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