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ZeroXSEED · 2011-11-11, 03:29

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@ Zero - Go for subtle. Why would Dan hijack an IS? That makes no sense and it's pretty OOC.

Hijack = literally fall into a broken transport where metal Wolf is 'sleeping', and because Dan is special somewhat (D rank synchronicity) he is somewhat tempted to board it (coupled by the fact that he's panicking at the time).

This is how Ichika literally lost into the Exam place because both he and Madoka is attracted by the I.S., but unlike Dan, the attraction force covers much longer range (because they're born to board I.S.).

EthernalRain · 2011-11-11, 03:32

@ Eratas: In my fic, it's not the PT base Kyuukai's held in. It's an ancient naval prison somewhere near to Austrailia. I intend to go a bit darker with that chapter when I get to it.

Kyuukai gets an "implant" of sorts in later chapters, but he deals with wearing an eyepatch until then. I want to write about how Kyuukai comprehends the consequences of battle, both physical and emotional.

The implant is simply a fake eye with a camera that's tuned to a small chip set in his brain, allowing him to see. Nothing too complex.

And in the chapters after that:

Spoiler for Spoiler:

Eratas123 · 2011-11-11, 03:32

@Zero and Rain - Next part of Laura's Daydream.

Spoiler:

@ Rain - World war IV is what the protags are trying to prevent in Shadow. Once it happens, they've all lost.

@ Zero - Then go for him entering it but pretty much losing control and crashing into stuff. That make's sense since he's a D rank pilot.

EthernalRain · 2011-11-11, 03:42

@ Eratas: In Heart of the Machine, it happens about 20-30 chapters from my current chapter, and starts when:

Spoiler for Spoiler:

Eratas123 · 2011-11-11, 03:46

@ Rain - That makes sense. Though that seems more like an I.S war than a world war IV. Unless you're telling me that some countries are actually crazy enough to support PT.

The final part of Shadow takes place in different area's. Each protag has a different job to do but if they fail then all is lost.

Side note - In the torture chapter, is Kyuukai by himself?

@ Rain and Zero - Is the daydream okay?

EthernalRain · 2011-11-11, 03:50

@ Eratas: It's going to end up much like the First and Second Conflicts: The Third Conflict (which has been hinted many times) will be between FRACTURE and it's allies, and numerous other factions that support Phantom Task. Factions that oppose each other may still live in the same country. Such as a company and the government, or a milita and a company, or the people and the government, etc. It's going to boil into one big war made up of many smaller civil wars.

Side note: In the torture chapter, Kyuukai's on his own.

Side side note: The daydreams chapter is great!

ZeroXSEED · 2011-11-11, 03:50

^ Well, not exactly related to his rank, but more of [Metal Wolf] being high speed mech and he's not having enough training to use it.... yet. D-rank is just enough to made real I.S. react, but not enough to move them.

Spoiler for LOLWUT:

Of course Dan is mostly inactive and undergo training most of the time (he's still too young and inexperienced) and will be deployed later in final battle.

The Daydream is good, Laura's reaction is priceless.

Eratas123 · 2011-11-11, 03:57

@ Zero - Autumn's main power lies in her web barrier and her strong attack. Irish and Tatenashi get around it by Tatenashi tanking and Irish smashing the webs since the JK can negate it.

Dan being an I.S pilot has to be taken slowly. He's a minor character in the series so making him take levels in badass too fast will put others off.

@ Rain - "Shadow" ends with either PT winning or losing. Once the war starts it's all over. if they can't prevent it then all their struggles will have been futile and pointless.

I don't want to plunge the story in "Shadow" into open warfare. The theme of the story is letting go and trying to make sure the future is safe. A war breaking out kinda breaks that message.

side note - Is Kyuukai attracted to Tatenashi or something? I've re-read the chapters but he makes it unclear.

EthernalRain · 2011-11-11, 04:00

@ Eratas: Which is why you don't have to. After all, it's your fic, do what you'd like.

The war also has a rather short campaign (8 months), for a reason I shall not declare just yet.

ZeroXSEED · 2011-11-11, 04:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@ Zero - Autumn's main power lies in her web barrier and her strong attack. Irish and Tatenashi get around it by Tatenashi tanking and Irish smashing the webs since the JK can negate it.

I'll read it again to correct my mistakes, then again I don't know if Blitz agree with this or not. Thanks for the effort.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

Dan being an I.S pilot has to be taken slowly. He's a minor character in the series so making him take levels in badass too fast will put others off.

As I said he spend most of the time training properly (as in, skill, knowledge, AND discipline, which arguably some of the Personal owner LACKED in canon), and not in I.S. academy either (his fighting capability is arguably worse than Houki with Uchigane inside [Metal Wolf]). He only join in later battles, as in, about a dozen of chapter ahead when he's ready.

This is mostly a prank concept to deconstruct/ troll another I.S. male pilot theme, so there's no reason for Dan and Yoshi for having to much leeway like Ichika or Charles (though both having a crisis of their own).

MeisterBabylon · 2011-11-11, 04:04

Looks like I wasn't the only one to have the pilot react to an IS.

Spoiler for Vandam I scene:

*runs*

Eratas123 · 2011-11-11, 04:06

@ Rain - I made another question as a side note in my previous post. Can you answer it?

Side note - The reason I'm telling you is because I'm using your character. I don't want to use him if you disagree with the premise since he's your character, not mine.

@ Zero - So he's mostly off-screen then? That makes sense. Who'll be his enemy though? Autumn?

@ Meister - The scene's a bit confusing. is the IS talking to Karon?

ZeroXSEED · 2011-11-11, 04:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@ Zero - So he's mostly off-screen then? That makes sense. Who'll be his enemy though? Autumn?

PT mooks with generic I.S., or Spanish Cadet Representative (Blitz's OC, unlike Louise, she's fully sympathetic) with a Custom Gen-2 / Flawed prototype Gen-3. FoeYay and WarShip ensues.

Eratas123 · 2011-11-11, 04:12

@ Zero - Spanish representative vs Utsuho Nohotoke

The fight for Dan Gotanda begins!

ZeroXSEED · 2011-11-11, 04:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@ Zero - Spanish representative vs Utsuho Nohotoke

The fight for Dan Gotanda begins!

Is Utsuho an Action Girl? She'll spend some time to check [Metal Wolf] as an excuse to meet Dan (One of A.S.D.F. sponsor being Tatenashi's Organization) anyway.

If She is... CAT FI-

@ Meister I though it was Karon 'hearing' the call of I.S.?

MeisterBabylon · 2011-11-11, 04:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@ Meister - The scene's a bit confusing. is the IS talking to Karon?

I'll leave the details to when I get to that part. Roughly speaking, Karon was sensing the fear of the IS caused by bangs and crashes of Unknowns trying to break in to the vault that was holding the machine.

Eratas123 · 2011-11-11, 04:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED

Is Utsuho an Action Girl? She'll spend some time to check [Metal Wolf] as an excuse to meet Dan (One of A.S.D.F. sponsor being Tatenashi's Organization) anyway.

If She is... CAT FI-

@ Meister I though it was Karon 'hearing' the call of I.S.?

She's a third year in IS academy. If she's lasted that long then I think she has some decent piloting skills.

Where did we even get the idea to ship these two anyway? I'm pretty sure she shows no attraction to him in canon and Dan acts more like a guy with a crush on a pretty girl than a real pairing.

Side note - Laura's chapter is getting way too long!

@ Meister - That was probably Irish trying to get in to destroy the I.S-

*Shot*

Just kidding

Who would try to open a vault just for a core? It has to be female or they can't use it.

MeisterBabylon · 2011-11-11, 04:30

[EU] (pronounced Yuu) is a name given to the agents who keep attacking the Foundation. They are combined arms in force, have both female IS pilots and crack male troops and evidently have access to sizable amounts of resources to be this organized. They caused the Changi Incident, and then attacked the SAFTI Military Institute to steal the Vandam.

Karon's picking up the fear given off by the IS.

ZeroXSEED · 2011-11-11, 04:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

She's a third year in IS academy. If she's lasted that long then I think she has some decent piloting skills.

Utsuho: (Boarding an Uchigane) "I show you what experience means for an I.S. Pilot"

Amalia: "Guh"

Dan: "Oh my, thanks for the rescue"

(Note Dan's reaction, normal shonen hero will tell Utsuho to back off because it's personal. But since he has trained with strict, semi-militaristic discipline, he complies with the big damn heroines moment and opted for teamwork)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

Where did we even get the idea to ship these two anyway? I'm pretty sure she shows no attraction to him in canon and Dan acts more like a guy with a crush on a pretty girl than a real pairing.

Because it's 'convenient', that's one of the most convincing reason.

Wait, Utsuho show no attraction to Dan?

Eratas123 · 2011-11-11, 04:35

@ Meister - Sounds like PT actually

The only difference is they have male troops. Is Karon's reason for being an ISper the same as before?

@ Zero - Not really. She asks Ichika who Dan was but that's about the extent of it. I'm pairing them together in daydreams as a crack pairing that, ironically enough, is the only pair that doesn't get blocked at the end.

Side note - How's Nohohon's/Pikachu-san's personality? I plan to make her have something of an odd friendship with Irish.

2011-11-11, 03:32	Link #7182
EthernalRain Head of FRACTURE R&D Join Date: Oct 2011	@ Eratas: In my fic, it's not the PT base Kyuukai's held in. It's an ancient naval prison somewhere near to Austrailia. I intend to go a bit darker with that chapter when I get to it. Kyuukai gets an "implant" of sorts in later chapters, but he deals with wearing an eyepatch until then. I want to write about how Kyuukai comprehends the consequences of battle, both physical and emotional. The implant is simply a fake eye with a camera that's tuned to a small chip set in his brain, allowing him to see. Nothing too complex. And in the chapters after that: Spoiler for Spoiler: The artificial heart is just that. It's just an artificial heart powered by an IS core. It doesn't make him stronger, it doesn't give him more power. In fact, for a while, he'll be much, *much* weaker than normal, until he gets to adjust to it. There are many difficulties that he'll overcome, but he'll try to live through them. He understands that in the upcoming years, he'll experience many things, he'll gain many things, he'll lose many things. But he will keep moving forward, as long as he can keep moving. Spoiler for Spoiler within a Spoiler: In the much later chapters: World War IV anybody?

2011-11-11, 03:32	Link #7183
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@Zero and Rain - Next part of Laura's Daydream. Spoiler: Hours later, the two made their way back to the bunker since it was getting late. Neither of them noticed how much time passed until they saw the darkness coming from the window. “Thanks for helping me Laura.” Ichika was walking side by side with Laura, stretching his arms behind his back idly. “It was fun!” “...No problem.” Laura refused to make eye contact with him and kept her stare focused on the ground in front of her. The two of them walked in silence for a few minutes until they reached the building where they would sleep. “So....where will I sleep Laura?” Ichika questioned her. Now that she though of it, she didn’t know either. “I don’t know, let me check.” She left him at the door and went to the Clarissa’s office. tap tap tap “Come in.” Laura entered the room and saw Clarissa sitting at a table across from Chifuyu. A bottle of wine and two glasses was all that occupied the small table, making it obvious what the two were just doing. “Lieutenant.” Laura saluted despite this before asking her question, “Ichika would like to know where he will stay for the night.” Clarissa looked at Chifuyu with a smirk on her face (uh-oh) before she turned back to Laura, “I thought that’d be obvious.” Laura titled her head in confusion, “Obvious ma’am? Is there a room I’m supposed to place him in?” Clarissa shook her head left and right, the smirk never leaving her face, “I placed him under your jurisdiction, right?” Laura just nodded “Then that should be obvious.” She took another sip of her wine before continuing, “He’ll be sleeping with you.” “W-What!?” Laura, for the first time, couldn’t keep her composure, “B-But he’s-“ This time, Chifuyu interrupted her, “What’s wrong? You were the only one who wasn’t scrambling earlier to get closer to him. Did something change?” She asked in an “I know something happened” voice. “N-No...nothing happened.” Laura would rather die than tell them about what happened at the firing range, “I’ll be going back then.” Laura left the room as quickly as her legs could take her. Waiting till her footsteps stopped, the two women opened the security console and looked at the video playing again. “Just call me Laura....we’re the same age right?” “Okay then. Thanks Laura!” The two of them laughed again, it was all going according to plan. @ Rain - World war IV is what the protags are trying to prevent in Shadow. Once it happens, they've all lost. @ Zero - Then go for him entering it but pretty much losing control and crashing into stuff. That make's sense since he's a D rank pilot. __________________

2011-11-11, 03:42	Link #7184
EthernalRain Head of FRACTURE R&D Join Date: Oct 2011	@ Eratas: In Heart of the Machine, it happens about 20-30 chapters from my current chapter, and starts when: Spoiler for Spoiler: Phantom Task manages to raise a proper army, and begins a seige of the ALBATROSS.

2011-11-11, 03:46	Link #7185
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Rain - That makes sense. Though that seems more like an I.S war than a world war IV. Unless you're telling me that some countries are actually crazy enough to support PT. The final part of Shadow takes place in different area's. Each protag has a different job to do but if they fail then all is lost. Side note - In the torture chapter, is Kyuukai by himself? @ Rain and Zero - Is the daydream okay? __________________

2011-11-11, 03:50	Link #7187
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	^ Well, not exactly related to his rank, but more of [Metal Wolf] being high speed mech and he's not having enough training to use it.... yet. D-rank is just enough to made real I.S. react, but not enough to move them. Spoiler for LOLWUT: Dan: (Heading to Autumn) "Orya!!!!" (Atunm surprised with the speed but managed to evade, Dan crashed into a car) CRASH Dan: (Jumping from fiery car and unleash a Gatling gun) "I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" PT Mooks: "WHAT?! YET ANOTHER GUY?!" (Note Yoshi already appeared with Hirameki, Dan and Ran is separated, and she's injured in first salvo of PT attack, the reason he's pissed) Dan is charged for: > Hijacking military equipment > Using class III firearms (He's Japanese after all) > Causing property damage (which is removed, it's irrelevant) And Rewarded for > Supporting the fight against Phantom Task (although mostly as distraction) And so there's only two choice join Armored Stratos Defense Force (ASDF) or pun into jail for few months-1 year...arguably the safer but less cool option and bad for his future Of course Dan is mostly inactive and undergo training most of the time (he's still too young and inexperienced) and will be deployed later in final battle. The Daydream is good, Laura's reaction is priceless. __________________

2011-11-11, 03:50	Link #7186
EthernalRain Head of FRACTURE R&D Join Date: Oct 2011	@ Eratas: It's going to end up much like the First and Second Conflicts: The Third Conflict (which has been hinted many times) will be between FRACTURE and it's allies, and numerous other factions that support Phantom Task. Factions that oppose each other may still live in the same country. Such as a company and the government, or a milita and a company, or the people and the government, etc. It's going to boil into one big war made up of many smaller civil wars. Side note: In the torture chapter, Kyuukai's on his own. Side side note: The daydreams chapter is great!

2011-11-11, 03:57	Link #7188
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Zero - Autumn's main power lies in her web barrier and her strong attack. Irish and Tatenashi get around it by Tatenashi tanking and Irish smashing the webs since the JK can negate it. Dan being an I.S pilot has to be taken slowly. He's a minor character in the series so making him take levels in badass too fast will put others off. @ Rain - "Shadow" ends with either PT winning or losing. Once the war starts it's all over. if they can't prevent it then all their struggles will have been futile and pointless. I don't want to plunge the story in "Shadow" into open warfare. The theme of the story is letting go and trying to make sure the future is safe. A war breaking out kinda breaks that message. side note - Is Kyuukai attracted to Tatenashi or something? I've re-read the chapters but he makes it unclear. __________________

2011-11-11, 04:00	Link #7189
EthernalRain Head of FRACTURE R&D Join Date: Oct 2011	@ Eratas: Which is why you don't have to. After all, it's your fic, do what you'd like. The war also has a rather short campaign (8 months), for a reason I shall not declare just yet.

2011-11-11, 04:04	Link #7191
MeisterBabylon ~ Your Smile ~ Author Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: 346Pro Age: 38	Looks like I wasn't the only one to have the pilot react to an IS. Spoiler for Vandam I scene: That child... She's crying. "I'll leave this place to you!" "Wait, Karon! You don't have an IS! Where are you going?!" runs __________________ 白露型駆逐艦の４番艦、夕立です。第三次ソロモン海戦では、けっこう頑張ったっぽい★？

2011-11-11, 04:06	Link #7192
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Rain - I made another question as a side note in my previous post. Can you answer it? Side note - The reason I'm telling you is because I'm using your character. I don't want to use him if you disagree with the premise since he's your character, not mine. @ Zero - So he's mostly off-screen then? That makes sense. Who'll be his enemy though? Autumn? @ Meister - The scene's a bit confusing. is the IS talking to Karon? __________________

2011-11-11, 04:12	Link #7194
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Zero - Spanish representative vs Utsuho Nohotoke The fight for Dan Gotanda begins! __________________

2011-11-11, 04:30	Link #7198
MeisterBabylon ~ Your Smile ~ Author Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: 346Pro Age: 38	[EU] (pronounced Yuu) is a name given to the agents who keep attacking the Foundation. They are combined arms in force, have both female IS pilots and crack male troops and evidently have access to sizable amounts of resources to be this organized. They caused the Changi Incident, and then attacked the SAFTI Military Institute to steal the Vandam. Karon's picking up the fear given off by the IS. __________________ 白露型駆逐艦の４番艦、夕立です。第三次ソロモン海戦では、けっこう頑張ったっぽい★？

2011-11-11, 04:35	Link #7200
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Meister - Sounds like PT actually The only difference is they have male troops. Is Karon's reason for being an ISper the same as before? @ Zero - Not really. She asks Ichika who Dan was but that's about the extent of it. I'm pairing them together in daydreams as a crack pairing that, ironically enough, is the only pair that doesn't get blocked at the end. Side note - How's Nohohon's/Pikachu-san's personality? I plan to make her have something of an odd friendship with Irish. __________________