Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[RadiantBeam]

New short posted to "Shadowfire"; a little out of order and I know it isn't Celica's first appearance in the series (so I apologize in advance, Syn), but I wanted to get this up soon so I could connect it to "Sunset" and "Broken".

Chill.

[isagrimorie]

Originally Posted by Tabasco

Also, DSL for even greater evil.



Ooh, Dark Fate goodness. I like Indra's last words, in spite of the tone of the piece I chuckled.

I admit, I have a certain fondness for the darkening of characters!

Originally Posted by deathcurse

Effective irony right when Indra thought that her luck would run out, and right away it does . I liked how she reacted immediately, instead of stupidly gaping.

There's a fun and grotesque humour in this whole part that has me grinning . Nice! And yay, Arf and Fate!

Thanks! And, yeah, if only Indra knew how hard her luck would run out! She did fairly well for a civilian but, alas, still a civilian!

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

I know a few of you have been waiting for this most impatiently. Here it is, Chapter 4 of false light, for your general consumption!

false light
a false light casts a darker Shadow...

Spoiler for Chapter 4:

--snip--

Spoiler for author's notes:

Ended up a little longer than the ones before it, and I still didn't get everything into this chapter that I wanted to. Oh well, so Chapters 5 and 6 will end up slightly different.

So yeah, Lutecia and Celica are now together. I didn't actually want them to end up teaming up this quickly, but the way the story's working out now, with so many other antagonistic groups (the rogue NSIS elements, the secret Unit Epsilon of the US government, plus the Administrative Council of the IAFW), it felt like a good idea to pare down the factions before I got tangled in a Thirty Xanatos Pileup.

So we meet our two named characters on the Earth side; General Augustus Reed and Dr. Lily Vance. They're yet another antagonistic faction, a secret section of the US government, run by the military that looks at, basically, “weird stuff” that they find or acquire, and tries to make use of it in some manner or another. Usually with the goal of blowing shit up.

Unit Epsilon knows about the TSAB and basically is taking the worst-case scenario as the gospel truth; they're preparing for the Bureau's eventual “invasion.” Of course, we know that won't happen as they've got problems of their own, but they don't know that. They've had their hands on the Precursor Artifact for a long time, but they couldn't figure out how to turn it on.

They're also looking for the Factory, just like Admiral Hayes and the rogue NSIS elements.

Stay tuned for more in Chapter 5!

Edit: Now also up on Fanfiction.net... right here.

I do love how Lutecia's wise enough to really get the story out of Celica's device first. She has a good head on her shoulders and enough of an independence to investigate her orders further. Now that Lutecia and Celica's teamed up I can only imagine things moving from here!

[RadiantBeam]

Spoiler:

Do a little thinking before posting yourself. I have read the rest; I was redirected to this entire fic line from the tropes fanfic rec page, so I thought it would be worth reading. I kept reading thinking it might surprise me or get a bit better, but what I found was essentially a bunch of shorts with fake, manufactured angst and exactly 0 surprises.

If you post online, expect criticism. If you can't handle it, then don't post, unless an author is only expecting heaps of praise and attention. I've read some pretty good lesbian fics, but this isn't one of them. The portrayal of the two is so idealized and unrealistic, then it reeks of putting two people together just for kicks While I don't mind an author doing that, I need a better-developed story around it.

As was mentioned before just like Twilight. Bella and Edward were rather angsty, and the plot was marginal at best. Two angsty people who want to bang each other, but don't for angsty reasons. Just what I've seen here. Then again, twilight does it have its rabid defenders, too, because some people like that. And if you do, more power to you!

There's a difference between flaming and criticism. Of course, it's easy to label criticism as a flame, then you don't actually have to think about what someone is saying. If the author isn't interested in changing, that's fine. A lot of people write for themselves and aren't interested in what others think.

I just would suggest adding more suspense to the plot, and indeed, more plot in general. Instead of answering a question like "What would Lutecia think about banging Vivio with regards to the church?" The answer, as everyone would be able to see in advance, is: "Of course it's fine." It's these types of situations that plague this fic. There are some decent moments, but not enough in my opinion. The conclusion for this particular piece is representative of everything else: the conclusion is foregone.

It's fine if that's the way you like it. But it appears my critique struck a bit too close to home.

In response to something my friend posted over the "flame" I got last night, from the same guy who calls himself That's it. So, um.... all I really to say to him is, sorry my fic doesn't live up to your expectations? I mean, it's a drabble dump, I don't know what he expected.

Is it bad that now I'm just amused and baffled by this guy instead of annoyed?

[Nya~n]

it's like walking into a cinema airing sex and the city while expecting avatar!

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Nya~n

it's like walking into a cinema airing Avatar while expecting Sex and the City!

Fixed that for ya.

[NorthernFallout]

I think either of those are equally a horrible experience...

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Want moar nao, plez. Or permission to continue with it.

well, I wouldn't mind tag-teaming you with it :3

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Satashi

well, I wouldn't mind tag-teaming you with it :3

I'll have to think about it. I'm a little wary of co-writing/tag-teaming anything at the moment, sorry.

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

I'll have to think about it. I'm a little wary of co-writing/tag-teaming anything at the moment, sorry.

Well, if you want to do a side-story in my universe, I wouldn't mind at all. Like I did with Landscaper!Fate/Richgirl!Nanoha :3 By tag-teaming I meant like if you wanted to have Lutecia brush against Fate and Nanoha, I could do it in my story as well. Like my fic and your fic is happening in the same city at the same time, but not necessarily interlacing too much. Feel free to use my universe for Vampire!Lutecia. I'll support you 100% and if you get serious with it, I'll direct my fans over to yours as well ^^

Edit: If you do, you should do a vote/POV swap with Lutecia/Vivio like I do with Nanoha/Fate >3

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Well, if you want to do a side-story in my universe, I wouldn't mind at all. Like I did with Landscaper!Fate/Richgirl!Nanoha :3 By tag-teaming I meant like if you wanted to have Lutecia brush against Fate and Nanoha, I could do it in my story as well. Like my fic and your fic is happening in the same city at the same time, but not necessarily interlacing too much. Feel free to use my universe for Vampire!Lutecia. I'll support you 100% and if you get serious with it, I'll direct my fans over to yours as well ^^

Edit: If you do, you should do a vote/POV swap with Lutecia/Vivio like I do with Nanoha/Fate >3

Ah, I see. Oops.

Thank you, I'll definitely consider it. ^^ Unfortunately, I still need to finish some of my current projects before I even start thinking of picking up any new ones. >>;;;; But hey, gives me more time to refine the characters and the plot!

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Ah, I see. Oops.

Thank you, I'll definitely consider it. ^^ Unfortunately, I still need to finish some of my current projects before I even start thinking of picking up any new ones. >>;;;; But hey, gives me more time to refine the characters and the plot!

XD okay :3 Whatever works best for you ^^

[00-Raiser]

Originally Posted by Nanya01

Even though it seems like no one really cared for it.

Yay! I'm No one!

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

In response to something my friend posted over the "flame" I got last night, from the same guy who calls himself That's it. So, um.... all I really to say to him is, sorry my fic doesn't live up to your expectations? I mean, it's a drabble dump, I don't know what he expected.

Is it bad that now I'm just amused and baffled by this guy instead of annoyed?

Apparently they were addressing your series as a whole. Anyways, I don't think their comments are flaming. They seem to be standard criticisms, only stated a bit on the harsh side. I think essentially their issue is that your fics don't live up to their hype and are too predictable, little more than excuses to have Lutecia and Vivio be lovey dovey. Those are fairly legitimate comments, at least compared to more flamish comments like "I don't like this pairing therefore your fic suuuuuucks!"

Sometimes we can get such things mixed up, though. Admittantly I fall to this, as is the case with a few reviews to my ViCia fics. Taking issue with Fate/Yuuno being in there is actually validated since it was just tossed in there. I tried to incorporate it into the main story, what with the wedding being what got Vivio and Lutecia together, but I guess that wasn't enough.

Hm, what do you guys think? Would I fix that problem if I made the wedding be Nanoha and Fate's?

[MeisterBabylon]

Having stood in the wind for so long, I hope I'm qualified to say, do whatever you want. Even if the thousand legions of the Yuri FFnet empire descend upon you, we're still behind you, whatever you choose.

[SilentOutlaw]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

Hm, what do you guys think? Would I fix that problem if I made the wedding be Nanoha and Fate's?

Pfft, you wouldn't just fix the "problem", you'll probably draw in lot more readers if you put the magic pairing in the description.

[RadiantBeam]

So, random Erio/Lutecia friendship short set in Shadowverse, because I've had in stuck in my head for the past two days. I got the name from a Michelle Branch song.

Spoiler for Tuesday Morning:

There were very few people Lutecia Alphine would drag herself out of bed at two in the morning for. There was the most obvious one, Megane. Her friends also fell into that category; Erio, Caro, Vivio, any one of the free Numbers who lived with the Nakajima family, even a few of her NSIS friends would have been enough for her to groan and tumble out of bed.

Since Erio happened to be her friend, that meant she was out of bed. Sighing and glancing once more around the bar, the summoner swirled her drink with her straw before taking a long, deep sip; it was too early in the morning for her favored cherry Coke, but the place wasn’t a dump, which she had to admire. Finally lowering her glass, she eyed her old friend over the rim; at eighteen, Erio was tall, lanky, and his red hair was pulled back in a messy rat tail that would make a girl swoon.

He was also pale as a sheet.

She sighed. “All right, I’m here.” Gently, she brushed her hand against his, her touch light. “So tell me what’s going on? I thought you had a date night with Caro.”

At that, the boy winced and nodded, taking a hard gulp from his drink and making Lutecia lift a brow. “We did,” he said. “It… I mean, nothing bad happened. It was really… nice.” Red flooded his face, all the way up to his ears, and had Lutecia blinking.

Wait a minute…

“… Erio, don’t tell me you—“

“We did.” His voice came out as a squeak, and he slowly sank down into his chair as his face became red enough to match his hair. Very slowly, Lutecia tightened her grip on her glass and took another drink, calmly, before lowering it with a soft clink.

“Erio.”

“Yeah?”

“Please tell me you used protection.”

“…” He squirmed. “Um, well, Vice-san snuck me this condom on my eighteenth birthday when Fate-san wasn’t looking, and Caro’s on a pill.”

“Good. I’d have to kill you if it broke and she wasn’t on anything.”

Erio swallowed slightly. “Ah, no, everything… everything went fine. We didn’t have… yeah.”

“All right.” Wondering why it was always her, Lutecia rubbed her eyes. “So you and Caro had a date, things happened.” She didn’t dare say they’d had sex; somehow, it felt way too surreal to think that her two best friends had gotten that far. “Why are you here with me instead of back in the apartment snuggling?”

Erio sighed and looked into his glass for a moment before he picked up his own straw, stirring the liquid inside. “I guess I chickened out.”

“…” Lutecia gave him a once over. “You look fully dressed to me.”

“Not with that!” he yelped, holding up his hands defensively. “I mean, I….” He raked a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated by his inability to properly voice his thoughts.

Lutecia tilted her head to the side. “Do you regret it happened?” There was no accusation or harshness in her tone; just a quiet question.

Hastily, he shook his head. “No! I mean, I think… I didn’t expect it to happen, you know?” He looked down into his glass. “I mean, I knew it was going to happen eventually, we’ve been together for years, but somehow I wasn’t… expecting it.”

“What, was it bad?”

“No!”

“You’re not really explaining the problem to me,” Lutecia pointed out, bringing her glass to her lips. “I’m playing a guessing game here, Erio.”

He sighed and slumped back against his chair, rubbing his eyes. “I know, I know. I’m sorry. It’s…. it’s that I didn’t expect it. At all.” He took a deep breath. “I mean, it was our first time and everything and it wasn’t perfect, but it felt… right, you know? Even if maybe we didn’t get it quite down.” He drained the rest of his drink in one gulp. “And now I’m wondering what am I supposed to say to her?”

Cue blink.

“Wait, you mean you two didn’t talk after?”

“She kissed me and snuggled in and fell asleep.” He didn’t know why it bothered him so much; that feeling that he’d done something wrong, judging by her silence. “So, no.”

There was a long, quiet moment of silence before, with a groan, Lutecia dropped her head to the table with a thud. Erio blinked. “Lu?”

She held up a hand for silence; he clicked his mouth shut, and she lowered it. Finally, she lifted her head. “Erio, you’ve known Caro for what… eight years, now?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’ve been with her how long? Not counting when you were ten and when Fate-san said “protect her” you took to it like a knight to a helpless princess.” Caro was the farthest thing from helpless and they both knew it, but Lutecia couldn’t think of a better analogy at the moment.

The young man’s eyes softened at the memory. “We were fourteen when I asked her out, so… four years.”

“Right. And in all that time, has Caro ever not spoken to you when you’ve done something wrong or something she doesn’t like?”

The red-haired man blushed. “I’m not thinking clearly here, Lu.”

“Obviously not.” The affection in her tone softened the insult. “But, listen; you’re worrying too much, you know? Caro’s wanted this with you since she was old enough to know there’s a physical side to relationships.” She went silent for a moment. “I’d tell you just how long, but I’ve been sworn to secrecy and my stash of cherry Coke was threatened if I ever told you.”

Erio winced sympathetically. After a moment, he laughed sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess I’m being stupid, huh?”

“Only a little bit.” Unable to resist, Lutecia gave his hand a soft squeeze. “But believe me, if she didn’t want it, she would have told you long before you got this far; and if something was wrong after, there’s no way she would have kept quiet. Just trust yourself a little bit, please?”

“I’ll work on it.” He smiled, slightly lopsided. “This must be an incredibly awkward topic for you.”

“Only a little awkward.”

“… Hey, Lu?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX

Caro groaned and turned, burrowing further into her pillow as she heard the alarm go off. Grumbling and finally giving in to the inevitable, she rolled and smacked the clock into sweet, precious silence and lay there for a moment. The only thing that stirred her further was the scent of cooking, and with one last sigh she crawled out of bed, pulled on some clothes, and headed for the kitchen.

She walked in to see Erio preparing some eggs, humming softly and wearing nothing but a loose pair of pants. Smiling slightly and blushing despite herself, Caro crossed the room and nuzzled up to his side. “Someone’s up early,” she murmured, kissing his cheek.

“I wanted to surprise you.” He turned his head so their lips met; the lack of awkwardness felt amazingly right, and neither of them questioned it. “You like eggs, right?”

“So long as they aren’t dragon eggs.”

When Erio laughed, Caro smiled.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX

“Lutecia, dear? Your alarm’s been going off for five minutes now, didn’t you hear it?”

Baffled when she didn’t hear her daughter respond, Megane gently pushed the door open to see what was wrong; a moment later, she laughed softly. The girl’s clock continued to shrill as she lay tangled beneath the sheets of her bed, still deeply asleep and clutching tightly to her pillow.

Still chuckling, Megane silently crossed the room and gently quieted the alarm, running a hand through Lutecia’s hair before she stepped back, turned, and headed back into the hallway, closing the door behind her with a gentle click.

Letting her daughter sleep in a little wouldn’t hurt her.

Spoiler for Author's Notes:

1. My first real attempt at writing Erio, after an important moment at that. So I apologize if he's OOC.

2. I debated on a few of Lutecia's lines here, but a part of me thinks she'd probably be more casual and open to friends like Erio and Caro, who pretty much saved her and have known her for eight or so years. Plus, some of her lines were just so hilarious that I couldn't not put them down, considering the situation.

3. In Shadowverse canon, this obviously occurs after Lutecia and Vivio's first kiss, but before they hook up, since Lutecia and Erio are eighteen here.

...

Dammit, now that song is stuck in my head! GAH!

[Satashi]

How about some Vampire!Fate?

Spoiler for Vampire!Fate part......game!?:

[Moczo]

You must tell me where I can acquire Vampire!Fate: The Game. It does not exist, which will make things harder, I'm sure, but perhaps we could arrange the kidnappings of some Visual Novel developers.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Moczo

You must tell me where I can acquire Vampire!Fate: The Game. It does not exist, which will make things harder, I'm sure, but perhaps we could arrange the kidnappings of some Visual Novel developers.

And a musical composer, and a story developer, not to mention someone to handle the finances and marketing strategy-- *shot*

[Thunderbird]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

And a musical composer, and a story developer, not to mention someone to handle the finances and marketing strategy-- *shot*

*Reloads* dont get anymore ideas in my head...

[00-Raiser]

Originally Posted by SilentOutlaw

Pfft, you wouldn't just fix the "problem", you'll probably draw in lot more readers if you put the magic pairing in the description.

Heh, true, though it wouldn't go in the description since the fic is solely about Lutecia and Vivio.

I'm not talking about 'fixing' it in terms of shipping. Apparently the Fate/Yuuno part is cringe worthy because it seems like I just tossed it in there cuz I could. I did make it plot relevant, though it doesn't change the fact that there's no basis for it, even if it had years to happen off screen.

So I guess I need something more... 'plausable', and NanoFate has a lot of build up and development in the canon works... Or so I'm told

Would a Yuunoha wedding work too? But if I did that then I couldn't do that pun with Fate's name at the end

Page claim for thinking back on old fics that aren't currently relevant anymore