2011-12-04, 07:55 | Link #11221 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
|
@ Senpai - You're back! *Glomps* I was worried since you were gone all day.
Anyway, the draft is good But why would Rito be sent to the German military base? Shouldn't he be in a Japanese Military base? Also, does this mean this is Rito x Laura?
__________________
|
2011-12-04, 07:58 | Link #11222 |
~ Your Smile ~
Author
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 346Pro
Age: 38
|
BANG ZERO! BUONO!
...and the hoyay of ISOC increases again. Sorry Zero, Spear, i meant to read ur fics, but between anime, wow, and my own fic, I've been struggling to fit everything together... I'll get around to it! Yes Eras, when I write for a universe, I write BIG. There will be 7 seasons spanning 3.5 years for the ST@RS.
__________________
|
2011-12-04, 08:02 | Link #11224 |
That one guy
Join Date: Nov 2011
|
@zero: didn't read all the way through but you have a great way with words. Just editing on the tenses and I'd say it'll be great.
@era-era: she knows Rong's situation and will explain it to Ichika. Though she will be very nervous of Rong and ask him not to hurt anyone. That's what I'm planning anyway, not sure how that would turn out. |
2011-12-04, 08:03 | Link #11225 | |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
|
Quote:
He just happen to be sent to German at the time, just when German start to open themselves to the world after their Supersoldier project exposed and gaining harsh critic from most country. At the time Laura is infatuated with Chifuyu, hence why she's a bit more bearable than Canon, it's AFTER Chifuyu left that Laura became an ass that hated Ichika like no tomorrow. (Oh And Rito also use the same Nanomachine as Laura, only his version is improved by Tabane, weaker but much safer) EDIT: no, it's not Rito x Laura, maybe there's some shiptease but they're mostly just vitriolic buddy. @Demino Tenses is my least favorite when it comes to English lesson, hence the need for a beta.
__________________
|
|
2011-12-04, 08:07 | Link #11227 |
That one guy
Join Date: Nov 2011
|
@zero: but tenses are fun! I remember hearing hilarious stuff from those lessons like "stolening" or "broked" and some other rather fascinating new words
EDIT: Plus it was the easiest to pass as a kid just add -ed, -ing, or will... I now realize the need to ask myself how the heck did I start writing with this attitude o.O? |
2011-12-04, 08:12 | Link #11228 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
|
@ Senpai - What about school? Is it just like a summer camp thing?
Side note - Does the VT system negatively affect Laura in any way apart from the whole "absorbing" thing? I need to research before I finish up Laura's arc. @ demino_hellsin - Then Maya will be nervous as all hell considering what he's done. What does Ring even look like? Maya is also nervous in Shadow but she's somewhat at odds due to Irish's extremely uncanny (effeminate 13-14 year old) looks that makes him seem not as harmful to others.
__________________
|
2011-12-04, 08:19 | Link #11230 | |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
|
Quote:
Probably traumatic for people with 'heart', Laura was almost heartless and she just have to relearn it (hence why she's falling for Ichika so quickly, it's literal love at first impression). VT system itself is a deconstruction of "Determinator" and "Heart is an Awesome Power", you have to sacrifice your heart and emotion to use it, for massive damage.
__________________
|
|
2011-12-04, 08:21 | Link #11231 |
That one guy
Join Date: Nov 2011
|
@eratas: Well he normally wears only one public face and is only expressive to people he feels at ease with. During his time in HustleBack he was more or less fierce looking, wearing a bit of a scowl all the time. After his time in HustleBack, he's normally expressionless, almost bored even. During his conversation with Chifuyu is an exception, I already said he's experienced with espionage so he was faking his expressions half the time then.
Overall, the face he'd show Ichika and Maya are more along the lines of idiot deadpan. EDIT: If you were referring to physical characteristics, he has black hair that's just a little longer than Ichika's and a little wilder too considering some stick up. He has wine-colored eyes. He's a bit thinner than Ichika because of experiences with irregular food intake but that's about it. He looks pretty much like any other guy. I'd give his height at about 170ish cm? |
2011-12-04, 08:26 | Link #11232 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
|
@ Senpai - So she would lash out if anyone tried to get near her? This will affect the finale since Ichika's the one who tries to be there for her when she's at her worst?
@ demino_hellsin - I meant physical appearance. Like it or not, you're appearance has a factor to how people react to revelations. Don't believe me? Look at a lot of heroes in media who look like they're killers and get distrusted and villains who look like saints who get trusted way easier. @ Stratos - I'll tell you what I think of it tom.
__________________
|
2011-12-04, 08:32 | Link #11233 | |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
|
Quote:
in Canon, the process is like: "He's stronger" => "I'm afraid, need more power" => "Instructor is strong" => "Copying Instructor's power and technique" Ichika taught her that true strength is born from heart, never consuming it. Chifuyu subtly implied it back when they're still in German, "i'm strong because I have a brother (that I love)". So "Instuctor is strong" => "because she has someone she loved" = "I need someone I can love" => "he's strong enough and deserved my love" Twisted I knew, but mitigated by rule of funny.
__________________
|
|
2011-12-04, 08:37 | Link #11234 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
|
@ Senpai - It was mentioned that the VT system would enhance her prowess as a soldier but it ended up failing and making her worst. This caused her to lag behind and resent her fellow shwarzer hase recruits for her weakness and that's when Chifuyu helped her get better. How would she react to Ichika trying to make her feel better?
__________________
|
2011-12-04, 08:43 | Link #11235 | |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
|
Quote:
Oh and the nanomachines is implanted when she's 10... As per my statement above, this could fit if you modify it a little.
__________________
|
|
2011-12-04, 08:46 | Link #11236 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
|
@ Senpai - Eh? Isn't the VT system the same thing as that golden glean in her eye? That's what I assumed at least. If not, I have just screwed myself over and have to make sure to change EVEN MORE of the canon already.
@ demino_hellsin - Still waiting for description.
__________________
|
2011-12-04, 08:51 | Link #11237 | |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
|
Quote:
(this is why Rito's eyes is described as changed from light brown to gleaming gold when he's threatened, and why His aptitude kicked from C- to B+ ) Well, dunno... then again this is a Daydream so it may or may not be that accurate...
__________________
|
|
2011-12-04, 08:56 | Link #11238 |
That one guy
Join Date: Nov 2011
|
@era-era: Oh I thought you saw the edit well I'll try to go into more detail.
Rong's hair is longer than most guys would usually wear it. It's long enough to wear into an inch long pony tail but that's about it. It spikes up at some places naturally so it makes him look a bit wild. He has wine-red eyes, they're not all that noticeable unless the light is in his face or if you look carefully or if he's showing them to you on purpose. He's around Ichika's height, slightly thinner due to unstable food intake. That's about it for his physical description. |
2011-12-04, 09:00 | Link #11239 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
|
@ Senpai - Okay, how about this: She already had the nano-machines as a kid but her eye wasn't golden yet. When the VT was implanted, her eye turned gold and she started wearing the eye patch to cover it. Her performance dropped which caused her to resent everyone around her, Ichika kept coaxing her and he started helping her with her training, she starts to get better until she goes back to her usual self, Ichika has to leave Germany with Chifuyu and he tells her to remove her eye patch, She's embarassed but does it anyway which leads to Ichika calling her cute, he gifts her a new knife and she declares it their "engagement ring" and that she's his wife, Ichika agrees and they go to kiss before......blocked!
Is it good? Any suggestions? @ demino_hellsin - Harder to trust then. He reminds me of Axel from Kingdom hearts and Reno from Final Fantasy 7 and lord knows they don't look easy to trust at all.
__________________
|
2011-12-04, 09:03 | Link #11240 | |
~ Your Smile ~
Author
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 346Pro
Age: 38
|
Quote:
That and this is when SHOOTiNG ST@RS have become popular. By then their backstage staff would have increased tremendously. Early in the story, its only just Gin, Erika and the Twin Esquivels as 1 girl group, coordinated by Tsubomi. When you consider there's President Kougami and Satonaka-kun, Pillai and Tsubomi all helping out, plus Shinonono Tabane working things in the background, there's plenty of staff for Season 1 and 2. Now that I think of it though, the world tour between S1 and S2 is too early; I'll change it to just a Japan tour by HEMISPHERE and KG-P using that chance to promote all 12 idols. The Marvelous World Tour then takes place between S3 and S4 during summer, where the girls are free to literally run everywhere. Also, enough time would have elapsed for KG-P to have built up the 100+ idols billed by the 'game'. End of Season 4 would be rather dramatic though. Its a time when a lot of newer idols recruited from the higher years graduate from ISA, the Founding 13 become final year seniors themselves, a massive staff reshuffle happens... ...and Maximillan leaves the ISA, and SHOOTiNG ST@RS. Not before he sends the girls off to the new year with a epic [Last Order].
__________________
|
|
Tags |
fanfic ideas, fanfiction, ff.net, harem, is fanfic, warning fanfic spoilers, wincest |
|
|