2013-07-08, 20:37 | Link #3842 | ||
I’m sorry, Kamijou-san!!
Join Date: May 2013
Location: California
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Your chapter was smoking this time. I liked the background info. It was well done. Quote:
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2013-07-08, 20:42 | Link #3843 | ||
Angelerator
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Canada
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Yeah I made that back when I didn't really have a standard internet username, and just wanted to post my (very very poorly written) first lemon. It came down to about three: Icefriend, Icoret and Ilidsor, before Ilidsor won out.
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2013-07-08, 23:45 | Link #3844 | |
Comrade Ferret
Join Date: May 2013
Location: The darkest corner with the best view...
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Ilidsor, I must say, I'm digging Touma's Busy Day. I'm curious as to where you got the idea about Edward's spell from since, while easy to get rid of thanks to IB, it has its benefits as seen in that chapter.
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I'm looking forward to Chouka's fight now, since she's the brawler of ORDER given what her ability is. Combine that with the banter her and Frenda are gonna have throughout it and you have a awesome anime-style cat-fight. |
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2013-07-09, 00:26 | Link #3845 |
That one guy
Join Date: Nov 2011
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I still think the main culprit for the complaints is that the chapter is bleeding violet writing all over. The actual content in itself isn't so bad. Purple prose should be more focused on subjects which require the reader to emotionally invest due to how you want to drive the point home. On that note much of the chapter became tiring to read due to the need of such a large investment
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2013-07-09, 00:44 | Link #3846 |
Comrade Ferret
Join Date: May 2013
Location: The darkest corner with the best view...
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Yeah, I've been getting a lot of that and I understand what I need to be doing here. I really do, but I just have a hard time keeping myself from doing just that. I just write whatever really comes to mind when it hits me, so instictively I tend to just ramble on about things that are not essential when I should be more worried about progression of the plot rather than filling the chapter with useless drabble. But, again, I just can't help it and end up writing more than I need to.
This chapter, hopefully, will amend that to a degree. I'm trying to fix what I've been doing since this is how I've always written. Stuck in my old ways and all that jazz is mainly my problem. The fight-scenes, though, are going to be descriptive because I like for people to visualize what I'm trying to portray and I've been told I'm good at doing that. That and this is the first time I've ever written an arc. purely on my own with no foundations to work on. Personally, I view the ORDER arc. as my test dummy as a means to improve my future arcs. in this story; and so far I've learned a good amount of things that I need to work on for future content. I think what my biggest problem with this arc though is that ORDER is spread out in two different areas. If they were all at the communications center, then I wouldn't have that many problems. That, however, isn't the case here; hence why many people feel like not much is going on. In my eyes, they all have the right and the ammo necessary to complain about; and I hope that in the future arcs. I can amend that with what I learned through this one. |
2013-07-09, 01:00 | Link #3847 |
That one guy
Join Date: Nov 2011
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This indictes for me that you are well attatched to those concepts. Just keep in mind that not everything important to you is important to the plot. If your drabble is some form of theme or foreshadowing for the whole chapter then it should be okay. But you do this for every scene change and Chouka's fight which was supposed to be highspeed kind of died out in hype at the wordiness.
Just sayin' you should analyze those maybe |
2013-07-09, 01:05 | Link #3848 |
Comrade Ferret
Join Date: May 2013
Location: The darkest corner with the best view...
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I appreciate the honesty here DH, just as I appreciate the honesty that the reviewers make in their own statements.
Hopefully, I won't leave people feeling disappointed in the next chapter...though I still need to work on Mugino's combat abilities since it's a little too repetitive for my liking. |
2013-07-09, 05:03 | Link #3853 | |
~ Your Smile ~
Author
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 346Pro
Age: 38
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But the standards have changed, what was beamspam then is now mere justified firepower.
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2013-07-09, 08:37 | Link #3855 |
~ Your Smile ~
Author
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 346Pro
Age: 38
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I don't see the point, as we have no proof that The One principle even applies to Toaru. Even entangling quantum particle parallels have no discernable impact on the energy state of another particle, apart from allowing 1 particle to influence the other particle no matter where it is in the universe.
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2013-07-09, 13:03 | Link #3857 | |
Angelerator
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Canada
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By the way I read your most recent chapter and it was good but I had to put it down a few times because of all the really heavy prose. Overall I love the story, I just can't read some parts of it in one sitting.
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2013-07-09, 19:08 | Link #3858 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
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Another interesting source for using True Names would Skulduggery Pleasant, that has a similar feeling to Dresden Files. I really enjoy your writing style! Can't wait for the next chapter. |
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2013-07-09, 21:50 | Link #3859 |
Member
Join Date: May 2012
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I found something surprising (for me) while looking for good Index fanfiction to read. Someone put a small part of something I wrote into their story. I honestly feel flattered that someone thought my writing was good enough to be used in their story.
Has this happened to anyone else? |
2013-07-09, 22:20 | Link #3860 |
Angelerator
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Canada
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Yeah actually somebody recently asked me if they could use the little openings at the start of one of my stories. Also or some reason he seemed to think I had invented opening up a chapter with people cryptically talking.
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Tags |
character, crack, crossover ideas, discussion, fanfiction |
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