Dating

[Samari]

So me and my girlfriend are planning to get married. There is a huge obstacle ahead though. She's an international student from Macau. We've been together three years and gone to the same university. In order for us to get married though we'll both have to go through the process of her getting her green card and also her working permit for the U.S. later on. But the important thing is being able to get married first. From the research I've conducted thus far, I hear it's expensive and complicated. Any thoughts on where I should begin? There is so much information on the internet I'm not sure where to start. I was even thinking about making a separate thread on this.

[GDB]

Well, if you don't care for frills, I think you can get married rather cheaply in Vegas.

[Endless Soul]

Originally Posted by GDB

Well, if you don't care for frills, I think you can get married rather cheaply in Vegas.

We got married at a county court house. Way cheap.

Endless "No frills" Soul

[warita]

I want a simple small ceremony with only the closest relatives (brothers, sisters, (grand)parents and a few close friends.
I also think it would be really nice to hold the wedding party in the garden and order some simple catering. Nothing big really. Maybe I could just order the main course from the catering plus the tables ..................and appetizers and cakes can be prepared by the woman in my family. In fact, that would be kindo nice.
I never was into big expensive weddings. Maybe the more important part would be to have nice photos from the wedding

Unfortunately, the family of my bf likes big showy weddings. Not sure how well my plans will sit with them.

[Kafriel]

Having worked as a videoman for weddings for a while, this is how things are like here:
- the wedding costs ~5k€, split between the church, catering business and filming/getting the digital album done.
- the after party depends on where it's done and how big the couple wants it to be, so that varies a lot per job and by area. It could be done anywhere from a house to a hotel hall.
- not entirely sure as to how complicated it can get, but there's a lot of organization that needs to be done. Perhaps you should open a thread for it indeed...

[LeoXiao]

I would'nt want more than twenty people at my wedding, and costs should not go anywhere significantly above the price of the food needed and whatever money it takes to get the government to accept the union.
If a place like a church charges an exorbitant amount: Wedding, say goodbye to Church. Public park, say hello to Wedding.

EDIT: WTF happened to Ascaloth? Why is he banned?

[Dextro]

Originally Posted by LeoXiao

I would'nt want more than twenty people at my wedding, and costs should not go anywhere significantly above the price of the food needed and whatever money it takes to get the government to accept the union.
If a place like a church charges an exorbitant amount: Wedding, say goodbye to Church. Public park, say hello to Wedding.

Well I don't know how things work in other places but here in my neck of the woods you can easily get a civil wedding done for a very low cost. In practice the only thing you need to pay is for the notary to authenticate the "contract"). Well that and all the paperwork to change the ID card I think.

Originally Posted by LeoXiao

EDIT: WTF happened to Ascaloth? Why is he banned?

I've been wondering that myself

[Gamer_2k4]

I'd have to talk to my girlfriend about it, but I can't imagine that our wedding will be especially large. My family consists of about 8 people, and I can see myself maybe inviting a dozen friends or so. That's only twenty people, and while I'm sure she'll have more guests (and that I'm forgetting some), I doubt it'll be that much more. So I'll say 60-75 people? That's not a big wedding, is it?

[HasuMasu]

Ascaloth? No way.

On the topic of weddings, I have never been to a single one.

[Crimrui]

Originally Posted by Detective-san

On the topic of weddings, I have never been to a single one.

Hopefully, we will be on our own.

[NoemiChan]

Civil wedding far better for me.... its recognized legally.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Samari

From the research I've conducted thus far, I hear it's expensive and complicated. Any thoughts on where I should begin? There is so much information on the internet I'm not sure where to start. I was even thinking about making a separate thread on this.

My wedding was somewhere between 100-200 people, if I remember right. It is only really as expensive, extravagant, and complicated as you want it to be. The only absolute requirement is an officiant - someone with the authority to certify the marriage, making it legally valid. My wife and I, not being overly religious, utilized the services of a retired judge who did weddings. (His services weren't free, but he didn't ask for much, either, and was very pleasant to work with.)

If you want to do a "standard" wedding, it can be fairly involved. Make a guest list, choose your wedding cards, send them out; choose your bridal party line-up, choose the clothing (yours and the bridal party's, unless you choose to freestyle it - the wedding dress can take considerable time and expense, but not all good wedding dresses need to be in the thousand-dollar range), choose a make-up artist, choose the rings; choose the venue for the wedding and make reservations; choose catering options (venue may provide them), choose your wedding cake, choose a DJ/music/entertainment if you want; choose a recording service (videographers, photographers) if you want; get a first dance routine and practice your butt off (many weddings seem to be cutting this part out; there are services that will make a routine and train you for money, but my wife and I did it cheaply, renting multiple "wedding dance" DVDs, chaining combinations of our own, and self-teaching - it was a big success).

I'm probably leaving some things out. Then the day comes, it's over in what feels like a flash, and you get to write thank-you cards to everyone who attended, making particular note of who gave what gift!

Going through the full ordeal seems like a really daunting, almost overwhelming task. My advice is to start planning early, and take family assistance if it's offered. If I remember right, my wife and I started planning a year or slightly more in advance, and her family did most of the heavy lifting when it came to things like getting information and contacting places.

[DukeOfVeglia]

This is a general question really, which is... Well, I can't exactly wrap my head around this logic, so girls, do enlighten me. I want to understand you, really do. For those of us who have traversed through the lanes of infinite "friendzoneness," there is one sentence a girl says which is epic in its pure "whaaaa?!" factor. "I wish I had a guy like you."

............

Now, okay, let's look at the criteria for a moment.

1. I'm a g..., (wait), yup I'm a guy (just triple checking).

2. I'm.... me?

So... if you want a guy like me, why not just have me?

"Oh, but I like you as a friend."



Sooooo.... you're looking for a boyfriend who is exactly like your friend. Which, if we follow this simple math, means that you're basically looking for a friend but aren't?

Yup, brain definitely imploding.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by DukeOfVeglia

This is a general question really, which is... Well, I can't exactly wrap my head around this logic, so girls, do enlighten me. I want to understand you, really do. For those of us who have traversed through the lanes of infinite "friendzoneness," there is one sentence a girl says which is epic in its pure "whaaaa?!" factor. "I wish I had a guy like you."

............

Now, okay, let's look at the criteria for a moment.

1. I'm a g..., (wait), yup I'm a guy (just triple checking).

2. I'm.... me?

So... if you want a guy like me, why not just have me?

"Oh, but I like you as a friend."



Sooooo.... you're looking for a boyfriend who is exactly like your friend. Which, if we follow this simple math, means that you're basically looking for a friend but aren't?

Yup, brain definitely imploding.

I'm not a girl, and I'm sure that different girls will have different takes on it, but the way that it was explained to me (which makes sense) is that a romantic relationship poses an inherent risk. It alters the friendship, and removes you as a friend. Is there potential for something wonderful to happen? Sure, but there's also the potential that things could go wrong. What would happen then? The girl would have lost one of her good friends (and more importantly, a male friend, one who can provide insights into the opposite sex - the value of having a male friend varies from girl to girl depending on how comfortable they are with guys).

Everyone is afraid of failure, and it certainly seems that relationships fail more often than they succeed. The girl can't have her cake and eat it too (that is, date you and keep you as a friend, as you are, at the same time), so she goes with the more conservative option.

Edit: There's another part to this, actually. There's a saying that every guy who is friends with a girl just wants to sleep with her. Many people reject this notion - and rightfully so. However, if the girl you're friends with is attractive, she's probably used to being hit on. If you approached her and made friends with her, without hitting on her for a substantial amount of time, then she probably allowed herself to become comfortable with you. She likely figured that you weren't interested in her. This then goes back to my original point: if she values you as a friend, and she's content with the relationship as it is, then there's no reason for her to risk it by dating you.

[grylsyjaeger]

It's strange, I've known my best friend for the better of ten years and had a regular place in his family circle and know everyone of them as well as my own family.

I wasn't surprised when I received an invite to his younger sister's twenty-first birthday down in the city. I was looking forward to going down and catching up with everyone because since going to the city for studies, we haven't been able to keep in touch as regularly as we used to.

And last night just felt like something straight out of an anime with the idiot protagonist (me) finally looking at a girl who he's known for so long finally as a woman (mate's sister).

Damn I was nervy as hell talking to her last night and even though I know her pretty well. I felt about two inches tall talking to her.


I'm not asking for advice I just thought I'd organize my feelings a bit more just typing them out.

Just keep thinking to myself that if I tried to get to know her better it'd be a pretty awkward conversation with my mate that's for bloody sure!

Knowing him though he'd probably enjoy the thought of being brothers in law. Haha.

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by DukeOfVeglia

This is a general question really, which is... Well, I can't exactly wrap my head around this logic, so girls, do enlighten me. I want to understand you, really do. For those of us who have traversed through the lanes of infinite "friendzoneness," there is one sentence a girl says which is epic in its pure "whaaaa?!" factor. "I wish I had a guy like you."

............

Now, okay, let's look at the criteria for a moment.

1. I'm a g..., (wait), yup I'm a guy (just triple checking).

2. I'm.... me?

So... if you want a guy like me, why not just have me?

"Oh, but I like you as a friend."



Sooooo.... you're looking for a boyfriend who is exactly like your friend. Which, if we follow this simple math, means that you're basically looking for a friend but aren't?

Yup, brain definitely imploding.

I can't recall ever saying that to anyone tbh, but here's my two pence.
You're friendzone'd right?

I wish I could get a boyfriend who has your sweet personality but also is attractive to me for sex and more, together.

A guy who has been friend-zoned, typically doesn't signal any sexual desires in a woman, hence you're a 'friend', 'buddy'.
Reliable, comfy, safe but not on our radar as a potential boyfriend, our instincts have been tuned out from that kinda thing with you hence it's very, very difficult to re-wire it in a woman.

If a guy from the start has some kinda charm, attraction that keeps her intrigued, then you can build a relationship based on it and see if things naturally progress into more or not.

But to be honest, that kinda girl isn't worth your time. To say that to a guy and not bat an eyelash shows she's incredibly blind/stupid or just cruel to cut up a guy like that.
"I want someone like you, but just not you".

Don't be used and abused, find a lady who appreciates you and you her

[DukeOfVeglia]

Well yeah, I did, but not recently, this was basically just a brainstorm.

And thank you, thank you, thank you. Finally someone who can give me straight up, uncomplicated answer.

[warita]

Originally Posted by Mystique

But to be honest, that kinda girl isn't worth your time. To say that to a guy and not bat an eyelash shows she's incredibly blind/stupid or just cruel to cut up a guy like that.
"I want someone like you, but just not you".

Don't be used and abused, find a lady who appreciates you and you her

I have to agree with this strongly. If this woman had a shred of empathy in her (and I assume here she knows you have interest in her..... women usually pick up on this easily), then she would never say anything like this. You could almost say she is mocking you, she thinks she can say just about anything to you and it wont have consequencies because you are that nice guy just as she said, who she can drag along and who will always be there for her.

Be smart DukeofVeglia, I wish you luck!!

[King Lycan]

I told this girl I liked her before, I didn't get rejected or anything she likes me as well but she's been acting like a total ass lately when we talk via text or twitter but when we meet in person she's all nice and etc. I guess she's the type of girl that likes assholes? I seem to be attracted to a lot of girls like that but I consider myself a "nice guy"
I've actually been feeling really lonely lately which is a rarity I guess cause i'm a little older ?

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by King Lycan

I told this girl I liked her before, I didn't get rejected or anything she likes me as well but she's been acting like a total ass lately when we talk via text or twitter but when we meet in person she's all nice and etc. I guess she's the type of girl that likes assholes? I seem to be attracted to a lot of girls like that but I consider myself a "nice guy"
I've actually been feeling really lonely lately which is a rarity I guess cause i'm a little older ?

Not enough info, dude. What do you mean by 'total ass'?