Dating

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by Khu

ARGHHH

I need to let my girlfriend down nicely, but she's having all this drama with school and shizz...and I was planning to sometime now since it's 6 months away from her actual exams, but now situation's gone FUBAR and she's had parent teacher interviews and reports...how do I let her down nicely? Just tell her that I have no fucking idea how this will work after this year!? Because this year is already pretty fucked up already...we have two totally different groups of friends, and thus we spend very little time together, combined with our studies and shizz... blarhdlkhjlgkj @_@

Better to break the news to her now than to hold it off. The longer you wait, the harder it becomes for both of you, and the more at risk you'll be of losing contact with her at all. I should know.

[Khu]

Originally Posted by Da_Box

i guess it would be pointless to ask if you're sure about that

I have to. Otherwise it'll just get worse down the road. I'd rather end the relationship on a happier note than an argument later.

[ChainLegacy]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Hm, mixed feelings all around on this subject. I suppose I want to share it just to get it off my chest.

I was eating breakfast this morning when my mom happened to inform me that my first love is now apparently engaged. I don't know all of the details, but it seems one of our high school friends was deported, and he offered to marry her to keep her in the States. That failed, but he still proposed to her anyway and says that in two years he's hoping to raise enough money to bring her back. His parents are fully supportive of this.

I am rather.... hm. I can't put it into words. On one hand I really shouldn't care; it's been two years since I last spoke to him, and I don't have the right to comment on his choices. On the other hand, though, I'm shocked that he did this, and, I admit... a little bit hurt.

Heh. Seems he only really ever had his heart in the right place when I wasn't involved.

In any event, my mom has invited him to my sister's graduation party in July. That should be.... fun.

Would his presence at the party make you uncomfortable? I'm puzzled by that part, why is he invited? Family friend? Just seems kind of weird to me your mom would put you in that situation, but I don't know the whole story behind it so I might have the wrong impression.

[Sumeragi]

Originally Posted by Khu

ARGHHH

I need to let my girlfriend down nicely, but she's having all this drama with school and shizz...and I was planning to sometime now since it's 6 months away from her actual exams, but now situation's gone FUBAR and she's had parent teacher interviews and reports...how do I let her down nicely? Just tell her that I have no fucking idea how this will work after this year!? Because this year is already pretty fucked up already...we have two totally different groups of friends, and thus we spend very little time together, combined with our studies and shizz... blarhdlkhjlgkj @_@

Break it ASAP, or at least say you need time to reevaluate your relationship, and wish to no longer be committed.

[Kafriel]

Originally Posted by Khu

ARGHHH

I need to let my girlfriend down nicely, but she's having all this drama with school and shizz...and I was planning to sometime now since it's 6 months away from her actual exams, but now situation's gone FUBAR and she's had parent teacher interviews and reports...how do I let her down nicely? Just tell her that I have no fucking idea how this will work after this year!? Because this year is already pretty fucked up already...we have two totally different groups of friends, and thus we spend very little time together, combined with our studies and shizz... blarhdlkhjlgkj @_@

Bring it up on Khu day. Khu day starts with a Khu who didn't wake up well, and is really bothered by something...so when she asks what it is, take the most serious, grim look you can come up with and tell her you're breaking up with her (insert [...] here to get a why out of her). Then either bring out your disappointment and negative view of your potential relationship, or throw a tantrum if you cba to explain.

I have to. Otherwise it'll just get worse down the road. I'd rather end the relationship on a happier note than an argument later.

I've NEVER heard of a relationship ending on a note that resembles "happy" in any way. Be prepared, even if you break up there are always things you're better off keeping to yourself.

@ RB: Don't care. Not as in, -I- don't care, I'm addressing you not to care about him. Of course even though I say that, sometimes it's hard to look over certain things or people in life; should that be the case, you might want to find something to focus on, so as not to think of him.

I was eating breakfast this morning when my mom happened to inform me that my first love is now apparently engaged.

Ok, I'll just rudely type my thoughts...how did she find out? Don't answer this one if you don't want to :P

I admit... a little bit hurt.

There are some wounds even time has trouble healing, having found myself in a similar situation of inevitable sorrow knocking on my door, forget about it for now, it's just better to deal with it when that time comes.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by ChainLegacy

Would his presence at the party make you uncomfortable? I'm puzzled by that part, why is he invited? Family friend? Just seems kind of weird to me your mom would put you in that situation, but I don't know the whole story behind it so I might have the wrong impression.

We were good friends for a number of years, and even after our fallout two years ago, he still treats my mother with kindness and respect, so I suppose she wanted him to come. It sort of puts me in an awkward position since she already extended the invitation and he wants to come, so I feel like the bad guy if I tell her I don't want him around.

Admittedly, part of the problem is I don't really feel settled on him, even now. I've avoided interacting with him for two years simply because I don't know how I'd be around him. I knew sooner or later I'd have to talk to him again, but I really wish I'd had more time, even if it's the coward's way out.

[blissfullyunaware]

For what it's worth, I don't think you are being a coward, You just feel conflicted, and that is fine. Feel free to ignore this, but here is my take on it:

If I were in your situation, I would treat him as a familar face that you haven't seen in a while. What I mean is, keep your interactions with him brief and superficial. And keep it civil. Admittedly, ignoring your own concerns isn't good, but this event isn't the time to rehash any drama that may still be there. After all, the guy and your mom are still on good terms, so he can't be a total ass, right? Then again I don't have a good relationship with any of my exes, so maybe you should just do the complete opposite...

[HasuMasu]

We were good friends for a number of years, and even after our fallout two years ago, he still treats my mother with kindness and respect, so I suppose she wanted him to come. It sort of puts me in an awkward position since she already extended the invitation and he wants to come, so I feel like the bad guy if I tell her I don't want him around.

Admittedly, part of the problem is I don't really feel settled on him, even now. I've avoided interacting with him for two years simply because I don't know how I'd be around him. I knew sooner or later I'd have to talk to him again, but I really wish I'd had more time, even if it's the coward's way out.

okay here's the thing bro, if you feel uneasy around him, then just make sure you ALWAYS have a friend with you, that will make it MUCH less weird feeling even if you two were to bump into each other, smile, and don't make it painfully obvious that you don't feel good around this dude

that's basically it bro, just gotta hang in there 'till it's over

alternatively, you could always just try to avoid him, then again i doubt that'd work

[Sumeragi]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

We were good friends for a number of years, and even after our fallout two years ago, he still treats my mother with kindness and respect, so I suppose she wanted him to come. It sort of puts me in an awkward position since she already extended the invitation and he wants to come, so I feel like the bad guy if I tell her I don't want him around.

Admittedly, part of the problem is I don't really feel settled on him, even now. I've avoided interacting with him for two years simply because I don't know how I'd be around him. I knew sooner or later I'd have to talk to him again, but I really wish I'd had more time, even if it's the coward's way out.

Wanting to have more time is not a cowardly thing. I don't know the circumstances of the breakup, but likely it's best for you to avoid making things possible worse for yourself.

I agree with Da_Box with having a friend next to you as much as possible. It would deflect most of the possible negative feelings you might get, while keeping things polite and civil.

[Shiemi]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

We were good friends for a number of years, and even after our fallout two years ago, he still treats my mother with kindness and respect, so I suppose she wanted him to come. It sort of puts me in an awkward position since she already extended the invitation and he wants to come, so I feel like the bad guy if I tell her I don't want him around.

Admittedly, part of the problem is I don't really feel settled on him, even now. I've avoided interacting with him for two years simply because I don't know how I'd be around him. I knew sooner or later I'd have to talk to him again, but I really wish I'd had more time, even if it's the coward's way out.

In what ways you don't feel settled on him? Do you think you still have feelings for him? I've had experiences of having exes appear in my life again. At least in my case, it wasn't too bad. Maybe a bit awkward, but in the end I saw I was perfectly fine in the situation.

One time, I was surprised by finding my first ex at my parents' house because he had been friends with my brothers. He suddenly gave me a bear hug when I entered the house meaning to talk to mum. I freaked out at first, but then we laughed it off and we talked for a while about how our lives had been in the last years.

Another ex found me thanks to Facebook and asked if he could come for a visit. I let him and we managed to talk normally, like friends. There was a very awkward moment when he tried to put the moves on me and I told him I was steady with the man who is now my husband. He tried to impress me with salary, his ride, and even having his own house. That made it even more awkward. But in the end it was okay. Though he never visited again. Anyway, if you do have to somehow meet with the guy and it is unavoidable, try to be cool about it. Hope it won't be difficult for you. I'm sure you'll be fine and after the experience, you can share it here so we know how it went.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Shiemi

In what ways you don't feel settled on him? Do you think you still have feelings for him? I've had experiences of having exes appear in my life again. At least in my case, it wasn't too bad. Maybe a bit awkward, but in the end I saw I was perfectly fine in the situation.

I like to think I'm over him. But I've more or less accepted that isn't the case, and that I'm still a little bit in love with him, even after two years and knowing we'll never have another shot. I guess I'm just nervous because we never had any real resolution over what happened; he only saw me as a best friend, and I never told him anything about my true feelings, and by the time we graduated it was so strained that our friendship just kind of died. It's been two years and just the thought of seeing him again makes my chest ache.

[zebra]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

I like to think I'm over him. But I've more or less accepted that isn't the case, and that I'm still a little bit in love with him, even after two years and knowing we'll never have another shot. I guess I'm just nervous because we never had any real resolution over what happened; he only saw me as a best friend, and I never told him anything about my true feelings, and by the time we graduated it was so strained that our friendship just kind of died. It's been two years and just the thought of seeing him again makes my chest ache.

Bwah.
A little story of little zebes:
The first guy I really dated was just as stubborn and immature as me, so things ended very bad and awkwardly. He immediately hooked up with someone else (I have the suspicion they already saw each other when we were still together). Two years later they were married and a little family (she already had a child and they had another one together). I had no hard feelings when learning that, even so it was weird. I already knew he had a strong wish for children and family. I wished him the best and thought "Thank god, I'm fine with it."

But then I ran into him. And he was together with the little girl. He looked just as shocked as me. We didn't talk, we just looked at each other like deers. I felt like running away and I just felt aweful.

I was over him, but running into him unexpectedly brought so many things to the surface, how we parted in anger and never reall talked, didn't stay in touch. Uncertainity is what I hate the most and he was pretty much the embodiment of it, because there were so many things I didn't know.
I regret that I never talked to him.


Beams, you have one big advantage: You know that he'll be there.
Make the best of it. Be nice, be friendly, be like you want to be - be comfortable with yourself. Avoid being entirely alone at first.
But I'd try to talk to him and see how it is. It's a nice oppurtunity; you did get along after all.
Nothing to loose really. Just keep in mind that his heart is already somewhere else. As much as it might bother you -- but knowing you, you'll be nobel about it anyway.


(.. I was actually thinking about posting something that's bothering me a little, but enough for today XD)

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by zebra

Bwah.
A little story of little zebes:
The first guy I really dated was just as stubborn and immature as me, so things ended very bad and awkwardly. He immediately hooked up with someone else (I have the suspicion they already saw each other when we were still together). Two years later they were married and a little family (she already had a child and they had another one together). I had no hard feelings when learning that, even so it was weird. I already knew he had a strong wish for children and family. I wished him the best and thought "Thank god, I'm fine with it."

But then I ran into him. And he was together with the little girl. He looked just as shocked as me. We didn't talk, we just looked at each other like deers. I felt like running away and I just felt aweful.

I was over him, but running into him unexpectedly brought so many things to the surface, how we parted in anger and never reall talked, didn't stay in touch. Uncertainity is what I hate the most and he was pretty much the embodiment of it, because there were so many things I didn't know.
I regret that I never talked to him.


Beams, you have one big advantage: You know that he'll be there.
Make the best of it. Be nice, be friendly, be like you want to be - be comfortable with yourself. Avoid being entirely alone at first.
But I'd try to talk to him and see how it is. It's a nice oppurtunity; you did get along after all.
Nothing to loose really. Just keep in mind that his heart is already somewhere else. As much as it might bother you -- but knowing you, you'll be nobel about it anyway.


(.. I was actually thinking about posting something that's bothering me a little, but enough for today XD)

Aw, little zebes.

Yeah. I'll figure something out. My mom wants me to try and meet with him before the graduation party so that we get anything awkward out of the way and resolve it ourselves. I know he misses me, and honestly.... I sort of miss him, too. I miss the friendship I used to have with him and how it connected me to our little group.

Maybe if it's not too hard, I can get back to that. I want to try.

[Moczo]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Aw, little zebes.

Yeah. I'll figure something out. My mom wants me to try and meet with him before the graduation party so that we get anything awkward out of the way and resolve it ourselves. I know he misses me, and honestly.... I sort of miss him, too. I miss the friendship I used to have with him and how it connected me to our little group.

Maybe if it's not too hard, I can get back to that. I want to try.

Good luck! It sounds like he wants to be friends again, so that's the first step done right there. We're all rooting for you.

[DonQuigleone]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Aw, little zebes.

Yeah. I'll figure something out. My mom wants me to try and meet with him before the graduation party so that we get anything awkward out of the way and resolve it ourselves. I know he misses me, and honestly.... I sort of miss him, too. I miss the friendship I used to have with him and how it connected me to our little group.

Maybe if it's not too hard, I can get back to that. I want to try.

You liked each other enough to go out with each other for a while. So you obviously have plenty in common.

Look on the bright side.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by DonQuigleone

You liked each other enough to go out with each other for a while. So you obviously have plenty in common.

Look on the bright side.

We never actually dated. We went to prom together, but that was about it.

[synaesthetic]

To a lot of dudes, Beamers, simply not being a horrible bitch to them can be taken as a sign of romantic or sexual interest. Not all guys, but quite a few guys still believe that it's impossible to have a friendship with a woman without six million tons of unresolved sexual tension.

[Moczo]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

To a lot of dudes, Beamers, simply not being a horrible bitch to them can be taken as a sign of romantic or sexual interest. Not all guys, but quite a few guys still believe that it's impossible to have a friendship with a woman without six million tons of unresolved sexual tension.

Um... actually, from her posts, it seems like you have it backwards, Syn. He is the one who only wanted to be friends, and Beams wanted to take it further.

[Flinch]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

To a lot of dudes, Beamers, simply not being a horrible bitch to them can be taken as a sign of romantic or sexual interest. Not all guys, but quite a few guys still believe that it's impossible to have a friendship with a woman without six million tons of unresolved sexual tension.

Most guys are shallow like that. It's a pity how many guys I know can't comprehend platonic friends.

[synaesthetic]

Originally Posted by Moczo

Um... actually, from her posts, it seems like you have it backwards, Syn. He is the one who only wanted to be friends, and Beams wanted to take it further.

Oh I was meaning now, not before.