2007-12-05, 21:56 | Link #1 |
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Chrissie's Writings
This thread will hold things that I write in it. The VN is running smoothly, I just had to take it off just in case.
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Last edited by Kristen; 2008-02-28 at 13:28. Reason: Changing from a single purpose to a multipurpose thread |
2007-12-05, 22:36 | Link #3 | |
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Thanks.
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2007-12-06, 09:01 | Link #5 | |
I LOVE FLAN_CHAN
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I will finish this story when I have time..prioritized.
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2007-12-06, 19:22 | Link #7 |
神聖カルル帝国の 皇帝
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Well written. First, about the cultural stuff:
1. Cereal: I think we've gone over that in the Japanese Culture thread. Cereal isn't an "usual" breakfast item in Japan. Going for toast would be more in-line. 2. Clue: Board games aren't that popular in Japan. (Although there are localized versions of Clue in Japan.) It seems you've mixed elements of Nagisa, Kotomi, Kyou, and Tomoyo into your Nagisa, and Yuki is the opposite of everything that is Tomoya. |
2007-12-06, 19:39 | Link #8 | |
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2. Hm, I thought so. I used clue because I saw it in a Higurashi episode, at least that's what I thought it was. I had Monopoly in chapter 3, but I knew that was going to be way off. . What is a common game to play, other than cards? 3. Yep. I was completely off. It was a prediction of Clannad without knowing a thing about the game except there was a girl named Nagisa and Tomoya was a delinquent, so it was naturally far off. I'm laughing now at how I was trying to hit the nail on the head but somehow threw the hammer out the back window. If Nagisa seems even remotely like a mixture of those girls, then I am impressed.
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Last edited by Kristen; 2007-12-06 at 19:51. |
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2007-12-06, 20:27 | Link #9 | |
神聖カルル帝国の 皇帝
Join Date: Jul 2007
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Spoiler for Comparisons:
Also, I forgot to add something: the brass knocker seems out of place, given that most houses use electric bells. |
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2007-12-06, 20:40 | Link #10 | |
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Just a question on the brass knocker. I know in America we have a lot of situations where we have electric doorbells and a brass knocker as a decoration. Everybody uses the doorbell, of course. I was trying something like this, and showing one of her weird quirks in always using this decorative knocker instead of convention. Are they popular as a decoration, or should I cut it?
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2007-12-06, 20:42 | Link #11 | |
神聖カルル帝国の 皇帝
Join Date: Jul 2007
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One thing is for sure: I've never seen a knocker on the front door to the house in Japan. |
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2007-12-06, 20:48 | Link #12 | |
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And thanks for all of this. This is really taking out my western mindset a lot.
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2007-12-08, 08:59 | Link #14 | |
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But glad you liked it. And yes, Clannad is basically the exact opposite of everything written. That's what I get for trying to predict a series.
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2007-12-11, 09:07 | Link #16 | |
I'll keep walking.
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(n) forest conservation; afforestation chisan (n) management of one's livelihood; management of one's property chisan (n,vs) latecoming; lateness; tardiness chisandamu (n) erosion-control dam; soil saving dam Yep, you're right. Because you're working so hard on your novel and it's looking so good, I'll share: http://enterprise.ottix.net/cgi-bin/j-e/dict Hope it's of use Edit: Pretty name, by the way.
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2007-12-20, 10:06 | Link #18 |
hiatus almost permanent
Join Date: Apr 2007
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Heyya! =)
Since you took time off to comment on my oneshot, I thought I might drop by to speak a word or two. So let's begin =) Spoiler for the harsh-er D::
Spoiler for the not-so-harsh =):
Spoiler for nitpicking:
So that's all for today, I need to get down to writing xD... hope I helped! =) |
2007-12-20, 22:54 | Link #19 |
死体。。。上手にうめられた?
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You nearly done with the next chapter yet? I'm not asking you to rush or anything...
(just bored... need something to read besides the haruhi novel) Last edited by -PoLLuX-; 2007-12-21 at 01:41. |
2007-12-21, 08:43 | Link #20 | |
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But re-edits are easy as well, so I may end up doing multiple chapters tomorrow. I don't know. But I really don't want to post twice in this thread, so any reply is fun. innominate: Thanks for your critiques. I've learned from the past to not try to explain stuff, and rather implement it, so I'm going to go through each one, looking for suggestions... Spoiler for Harsh:
Spoiler for Not so harsh:
Thank you a lot for your criticism. While I'm probably not going to apply it until I finish the full revision, it'll be great come later months when I take this to further levels. Now, to eat my breakfast and watch Clannad. ^_^
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