2009-03-15, 14:31
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Link #3761 |
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♥
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Derelict Apartment Block
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A young executive was working late one night trying to impress his new boss. He stepped out of the office for a minute to get some coffee when he saw his boss standing at the shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Do you know how to work this darn thing?" the boss bellowed.
The young man ran over and took the paper out of his hand. "Oh yes sir," he said, "it�s quite simple." He then fed the piece of paper into the shredder. "Thank you, son," the boss said. "A couple of copies will be fine." he is totaly fired  |
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2009-03-15, 15:49
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Link #3762 | |
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思想工作
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Vereinigte Staaten
Age: 31
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Quote:
@Solafighter, Video #2: Imagine if that happened mid-battle lol |
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2009-03-17, 00:14
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Link #3768 |
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Gundam Boobs and Boom FTW
Join Date: Dec 2005
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"Top Ten Bernie Madoff Tips For Investing"
10. Nigerian ex-princes are always a safe bet 9. Have A-Rod's cousin open an offshore office for you in the Dominican Republic 8. Wite-out takes care of the fine print 7. Three free meals a day in the joint saves thousands of dollars annually 6. Diversify across a wide spectrum of Ponzi schemes 5. Ethics, schmethics. 4. If you're breaking less than four Commandments, you're not trying hard enough 3. Ask somebody besides me, I never invested any money 2. Put your money in Joaquin Phoenix futures 1. Place money in toilet. Flush. Repeat ---------------------------------------- When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, he had trouble selling it. People just didn't trust this "new" way of making light. In order to promote his idea he decided to go around the country installing lights in different towns in order to drum up publicity. While in Oklahoma, Edison stopped by an Indian reservation and offered to put lights in any building they wanted. After much thought the Indian chief decided that he wanted lights in his outhouse, so he could see what he was doing at night. This made him the first man to wire a head for a reservation!
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2009-03-17, 04:39
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Link #3769 |
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A total anime freak^^
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: New York, USA
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WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' 'Yep,' the wife replied , 'in-laws' CREATION A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. ' The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you! UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece 
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2009-03-17, 19:49
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Link #3770 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: PMB Headquarters
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Snow monkeys enjoy the onsen at Jigokudani Monkey Park in Shiga Kogen, Nagano Prefecture.
 That looks so relaxing.. |
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2009-03-17, 22:50
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Link #3771 |
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Gundam Boobs and Boom FTW
Join Date: Dec 2005
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LATE NIGHT HUMOR
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno _ Good news and bad news from FEMA: The bad news is, FEMA says that some of the disaster relief food they have may contain salmonella-tainted peanut butter. But the good news is, since it's FEMA, it'll be years before it gets to anybody. _ Walmart announced this week they're laying off 800 people at their headquarters. And of course there's a ripple effect here - for every Walmart employee that's laid off, 200 kids in China lose their jobs. _ Happy birthday Gov. Sarah Palin - 45 years old today. I thought this was nice. She got a lovely card with $5 in it from John McCain. _ In a new ranking of U.S. presidents by 65 historians, President George W. Bush came in fifth from the bottom. Of course Bush was thrilled; that's better than he did in high school. _ Sen. Judd Greg, who wanted to be in Obama's Cabinet as commerce secretary but changed his mind, said that after withdrawing his name he hoped he was just embarrassing himself and not President Obama. To which Joe Biden said, “Don't worry about it - I do it all the time. _ Spring break officially starts this week. This is the time when the term “bail out” has a whole new meaning. _ It was this week in 1854 that the Republican Party was founded with only a handful of true believers. Just like today. _ Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner announced he plans to go after tax evaders . . . this after failing to pay his own taxes. This is part of operation “Do As I Say, Not As I Do.” _ AIG has done it again. They announced they're giving executives another $165 million dollars in bonuses. You know what AIG stands for? Adventures in greed. _ The economy is bad. Today I saw a woman in Beverly Hills cleaning a house she actually owned. _ Bristol Palin, the daughter of Gov. Sarah Palin, has broken up with baby-daddy Levi Johnston. I was stunned. If two kids without a decent education and no jobs and a baby can't make it, what hope is there for the rest of us? _ In a stunning announcement, Citigroup showed a profit and had its best quarter since 2007. They made $8 billion dollars in profit. That just shows you: If you give a company $45 billion in government bailout money, they'll show you how to turn it into $8 billion in profit. _ Even the Girl Scouts are cutting corners. Today I bought a box of REALLY thin mints. ●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●● Late Show LETTERMAN _ Hillary Clinton, our new secretary of state, is visiting Asia, including a stop in China. She's trying to do something about those leaky take-out food cartons. _ The winning dog at the Westminster Dog Show in New York was the oldest dog ever to win - 70 years old in dog years. Here's the good news: He's now dating bitches half his age. _ I haven't seen that much tail-chasing since Eliot Spitzer was governor. ●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●● Jimmy Fallon _ President Obama announced that he plans to bring the troops home from Iraq in 18 months. The troops actually responded and said “Thank you, but the economy's better over here.” _ Despite the Recession, Microsoft is planning to open new stores to compete with Apple. Microsoft says they'll be just like Apple stores except the staff will freeze when you ask them a question. _ Bishops in Rome are urging all Catholics give up text-messaging for Lent. Unless they're texting "OMG." _ Bill Gates has forbidden his children from owning an iPhone or iPod. Luckily, they're still allowed to play with their piles and piles of money. _ Ten office workers won New Jersey's $260 million Mega lottery. Unfortunately, under Barack Obama's tax plan, they now owe $300 million. ●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●● Late Night with Conan O'Brien ● One of the senators resisting President Obama's stimulus package the most is John McCain. Apparently, McCain's biggest problem with the package is it's not written in a larger font. _ A new study was released listing companies that might not survive 2009. One of them was Krispy Kreme. Also not likely to survive 2009 - Krispy Kreme's customers. ●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●● The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson _ Happy Presidents Day! A solemn day in America, where we celebrate presidents past by getting a great deal on mattresses and big screen TVs. _ According to a new study, people are sleeping less because they are worried about the economy. I think it's also because they're sleeping under bridges . . . ●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●
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2009-03-18, 19:56
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Link #3778 |
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Member of DOLLARS
 Artist
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: In the magical land of Moonswell pass
Age: 28
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Jeff and Fred were going to play golf there were 2 women already on the course, they were there for quite some time so Jeff told Fred to go ask them to leave. Fred got half way and came back he said 'One's my wife the other is my mistress' Jeff went to go ask them to leave got half way and came back and said 'Small world.'
Scientists have proven that the reason Men and Women think completely differently and are unable to understand each other is due to the brain of the genders. Males retain a part of their brain containing facts and logic but a woman has emotions stored there instead.
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2009-03-18, 23:59
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Link #3779 |
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Gundam Boobs and Boom FTW
Join Date: Dec 2005
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QUOTES TO MUSE ABOUT....
“When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.” - Franklin Roosevelt “Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.” - Henry Ford “I have noticed that people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.” Essayist E.v.Lucas “A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson “He who is in love with himself has at least this advantage - he won't encounter many rivals in his love.” - 18th-century scientist George Christoph Lichtenberg “Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and action, where it often substitutes for both.” - Author John Andrew Holmes “The most beautiful adventures are not those we go to seek.” - Robert Louis Stevenson “Everyone is entitle to his own opinion, but not his own facts.” - Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan “In all affairs, it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted.” - Bertrand Russell “If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.” - Milton Berle “All men make mistakes, but a good man yields when he knows his course is wrong, and repairs the evil. The only sin is pride.” _Sophocles “We are all stupid, just on different subjects.” - Mark Twain
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2009-03-19, 02:14
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Link #3780 |
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♪♫ Maya Iincho ♩♬
Artist
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Unnecessary
Age: 37
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More heaps of text for you guys to laugh at ^^
~~~~~~~ A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to see a gynaecologist. The doctor takes one good look at this woman and his professionalism is a thing of the past. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does he says to the woman: "Do you know what I`m doing ?" "Yes," she says, "you`re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities." "Correct," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I`m doing now", he says. "Yes," says the woman, "you`re checking for any lumps or breast cancer." "That`s right," replies the doctor. He then gradually proceeds to having sexual intercourse with her. "Do you know," he pants "what I`m doing now?" "Yes," she says. "You`re getting herpes." ~~~~ A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly...make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "You're going to die," she replied.
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