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risingstar3110 · 2015-07-28, 19:03

Yeah finally got time to reread and fix a couple of paragraphs in Chapter 10

Quote:

Originally Posted by SPARTAN 119

As for time skips, really, it is up for you. I will say, however, unless the exposition is properly written, time skips can be confusing to readers. That said, I suspect it would be better to go from light to more "mid-tier" activities over the next volume or two before Ayase and Kuroneko really go hardcore into BDSM.

Any suggestions?

I have started to look for BDSM works in general recently. But basically there is still a gap in the mid-tier section between, things that (i think) they will comfortably tried out, and things that... well... definitely too extreme (or need a couple of stop gaps to get to).

Then have to eliminate things that too sexual in nature (let's be straight forward, we have a couple of virgins here), and things that too graphical to write about (I guess because i really want to have a canon feel about this fanfic, and the LN is simply MA under 15 at best). So the choice kinda narrowed down

Not to mention, as you have seen so far, the BDSM side actually has been working as the engine of their relationship progression. And I still want to continue that way.

At this moment i had a plan for the Vol 2 epilogue. Half of chapter 11, and half of chapter 12, maybe a bit of chapter 13. May have to combine the two into one if they turned out be much shorter than i expect (for example chapter 9)

SPARTAN 119 · 2015-07-28, 21:40

Hmmm... as for mid-tier activities, nothing I haven't mentioned before, but a lot of the mid-tier stuff that I can think of would be considered to sexual in nature for Ayase and Kuroneko at this point. As for stuff you can use, spanking might work as they can increase the level of hardcore-ness in levels- both in terms of intimacy- from over clothing, to over panties, to bare, and in terms of pain level, going by hand to using an implement of some kind.

Apart from that, some sort of tease and denial play might work, although not sure how to go without getting it too sexual- maybe just getting them all worked up like they are about to have sex- teasing her most sensitive regions through her clothing, then stopping.

Also, you could explore different styles and method of bondage- placing of ropes, binding her in different ways, different rope materials- or other things like handcuffs, belts, tape etc.

Apart from that, perhaps combine the acts mild verbal abuse etc - by etc I mean stuff not so much insulting or degrading, but still dominant in nature, like referring to their submissive as "slave" or "pet" or what have you.

risingstar3110 · 2015-07-30, 17:50

Ah thank for suggestions, I will keep them in mind (about which one i picked, i will not spoil you on that :P)

Anyway. Wrote the Vol 2 epilogue, just to close off this arc.

Spoiler for Volume 2 Epilogue:

SPARTAN 119 · 2015-07-30, 20:50

I look forward to seeing which of my ideas you go with, as well as Kuroneko and Ayase's other adventures in BDSM.

As for your chapter, just a minor error I caught, fixed in bold:

Quote:

“Who could it be? Was it Mikagami? Is he back already? Wait…Please do not tell me that it’s Makabe? Did that Makabe three-timing on Sena again?!?!”

Also, just something that is confusing to me:

Quote:

“No, it’s not them. And I told you already, Makabe didn’t cheat on Sena with her brother. It was all just a misunderstanding from Sena part…”

I'm assuming Makabe is supposed to be male. On that case, is the word "brother" a mistake, or is Makabe supposed to be bi? Or is Makabe female and bi?

risingstar3110 · 2015-07-30, 22:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by SPARTAN 119

I look forward to seeing which of my ideas you go with, as well as Kuroneko and Ayase's other adventures in BDSM.

As for your chapter, just a minor error I caught, fixed in bold:

Also, just something that is confusing to me:

I'm assuming Makabe is supposed to be male. On that case, is the word "brother" a mistake, or is Makabe supposed to be bi? Or is Makabe female and bi?

Ah, thank as always.

Ah... on Makabe, that's just sort of a call back on the novel. Sena actually is a hopeless fujoshi. So she tended to ship on guys with each other (often involve her brother)

SPARTAN 119 · 2015-07-31, 11:09

I see, I didn't realize that Makabe was a canon character and not an OC. Though I do remember one of Kyousuke's classmates had a fujoshi sister. Mind you, if Makabe was dating Sena, I'm not sure its as much a misunderstanding as part of Sena's fujoshi fantasies. I hate to think how her brother reacted to all this... though he's probably used to it by now.

In any case, I may be gone for a while as I'm on vacation. In any case, I'm going to be camping after the 4th of August to the 8th, so in either case, I'm going to be off of here for at least 3 days starting on the 4th, possibly a week starting tomorrow. I hope this doesn't demotivate you from updating, as I really want to know which of my ideas you picked!

risingstar3110 · 2015-08-01, 18:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by SPARTAN 119

I see, I didn't realize that Makabe was a canon character and not an OC. Though I do remember one of Kyousuke's classmates had a fujoshi sister. Mind you, if Makabe was dating Sena, I'm not sure its as much a misunderstanding as part of Sena's fujoshi fantasies. I hate to think how her brother reacted to all this... though he's probably used to it by now.

In any case, I may be gone for a while as I'm on vacation. In any case, I'm going to be camping after the 4th of August to the 8th, so in either case, I'm going to be off of here for at least 3 days starting on the 4th, possibly a week starting tomorrow. I hope this doesn't demotivate you from updating, as I really want to know which of my ideas you picked!

Take your time, I'm gonna be fairly busy this coming week anyway.

Don't expect too much through, I will hate to disappoint you

SPARTAN 119 · 2015-08-02, 23:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by risingstar3110

Take your time, I'm gonna be fairly busy this coming week anyway.

Don't expect too much through, I will hate to disappoint you

Don't worry about it, you haven't disappointed me yet, so at this rate, I don't suspect you will.

Looking foward to the next installment as always.

risingstar3110 · 2015-08-04, 22:18

In rush, so I will just post a half-writing chapter 11

Short story: life was busy. Couldn't even finished the first half of ch 11 yet =/

Spoiler for Unfinished Chapter 11:

risingstar3110 · 2015-08-06, 23:20

I thought it was only half of a chapter at first. But it turned out to be full-length. So here is chapter 11. Still not proof-read. The BDSM half will has to wait

Spoiler for Chapter 11:

Quote:

The girl who I’m currently going out with is a denpa girl.

Obsessive with chuuni talk and gothic Lolita clothes. Her rude and frank personality often gives the impression that she was looking down toward the society or treating others like trashes.

From outsider’s point of view, she probably wasn’t much different with any of your typical spoiled otaku

But deep down inside, she is a kind-heart and passionate girl. Who care deeply for her friends, families, and would do whatever it takes to bring them happiness.

Even when sometime it came at her own cost.

She credited much of that trait to her, no, our dear friend Kirino. The one who I also was admiring.

Maybe that’s why it’s so easy for us to get along, despite our horrible first impression toward each other.

But wow, haven’t we really gone a long way since?

Her real name actually is Gokou Ruri. However I preferred to call her by her alias: Kuroneko, much like those close to her.

As she is one year my senior and studying in the same college, so I still have to address her as Gokou-senpai when we meet in campus. No need to say, but that often put both of us, Kuroneko especially, in awkward moments

Hmm… since we are dating, should I now move to first name basis? “Ruri”? “Ruriiii… ”? Like that?

Because at this moment I’m still struggling to find anything has changed about our new relationship.

Kuroneko already moved in with me earlier this year.

She already made me breakfast, and give me her hand-made lunchbox everyday

We went on a ‘date’ every now and then to buy clothes or try out a new restaurant. Even went to movies a couple of times together when I got free tickets.

We did enjoy festivals together several times before. Both summer festivals and Comiket ones (if those are counted as festivals). We even went to an onsen trip together (admittedly with Kirino and Saori).

Us two also had many intimate acts during our private times, and even k…kissed…

What was I thinking back then? Ah… so embarrassing…

I started to rest my head onto the desk and buried my face onto my crossed arms. Even my ears felt hot with embarrassment.

But I am kinda glad that I did it. Our relationship probably would never progress to this stage otherwise…

My heart started beating faster and faster. Ah….this must be the feeling of bliss…. Stop it Ayase, you are acting creepily like a love-struck schoolgirl!!

“That is such a pleasant smile you are having. Something good happened♪♪♪ ?”

Standing in front was Mai, a close classmate. Since when was she here…?

“ No… nothing.. nothing happened…”

“Ehehehe, you can’t lie with those blushed cheeks, Ayase. You promised me last time that you will tell me too. Come on, tell this onee-san what happened? “

Mai moved her face closer to mine, forcing me to glance my eyes away

“It’s just….I… The one I like, just confessed to me...”

Why did I blurt that out? Wasn’t that just pure bragging? What have you became, Ayase!?!? That is not who you are….

“Really?? Congratulation. Way to go, Ayase!! Let’s have a celebration later today just us two!! For today, my Ayase has finally found love. Before that, tell me what that person is like. Wait… let me guess…”
Eh…?

What is that person like?

A girl?

And that is when reality hit me.

I am currently going out with another girl.

There should be nothing wrong with it.

But it’s still abnormal to say the least.

How could I tell anyone about it? Will they even understand? Or should I keep a secret of Kuroneko’s gender?

Suddenly it hit me hard on how Kirino must have felt all this while. I knew all about her hardship. But only until now that I realised how difficult and painful it must be to hide the identity of the one you love from others…

This aching feeling inside my heart started to sink deeper…. And deeper…

“…oh I know, it’s Gokou-senpai, isn’t it?”

“Eh… how…?”

I looked up at Mai, who actually looked surprised at my reaction….

“Tck tck tck, Ayase… You thought you can hide it from me didn’t you? “

“…”

“Between classes, you always divert your eyes out of the windows toward Block D. Like you were searching for someone from those crowds. Those melancholic and sad eyes. It can’t be a mistake; they were eyes of a maiden in love!!”

“No … That was not true. I didn’t do it…” I protested

“Still denying, eh? Then my dear Watson, explains that blush on your face right now!!”

I could feel my face became red hot from that sentence alone. There was nothing I could do, but bury my face on my palms in embarrassment.

“Kukuku. You are guilty of lying to your friend about your hidden relationship with your cute senpai. Do you admit your guilt now?”

“Stop it, or I will die with embarrassment….”

I still hide my face in my palms so couldn’t see anything, but I could feel Mai dropped herself to the bench next to me. Like she was just waiting for me to calm myself down.

After a short while…. I was the one who broke the silence first.

“Don’t … Don’t you think it’s strange? About me going out with Kur…. Gokolu-senpai…?”

“ Honestly. I was wondering who could make such a perfect girl like you so head-over-heel to at first….”

“…”

“…But when I met and realise that it’s Gokou-senpai, It totally make sense. I mean who can resist such beautiful and kind senpai. Ah…!!! Even flowers must have bloomed when she passed by…”

“But she is a girl, and we are not in high-school anymore….”

“Oh, are you still in doubt? Then let me have her then. I will marry whoever will cook for me and treat me that well!!!”

“…”

“Don’t stare at me like that, Ayase, I was just joking…”

“…”

“But honestly, don’t worry about it. Why would gender matter as long as there is love? And if anyone ever questioned you about I, I will personally beat that person up.”

Mai showed her usual robotic cat smile again as she bumped her chest with her fist. Jeeezzz… this girl…

“You can’t beat up anyone looking like that you know. Even primary school kids won’t afraid of you”

I finally broke out a smile. As I go for the teasing.

“How mean, Ayase…. You know I am sensitive about my height!!”

“Fine… fine… how about I treating you to a parfait as apology? For this and for lying to you earlier?”

“Eh…? Really? I won’t let you take that back… you know!!!”

I smile and nod my head.

“Then let’s head to Mose later for our celebration. As return, you can consult me anything about love. I was called Love Master by my friend in Year 6 you know… ”

“Sure… Sure…”

…End of Chapter 11….

SPARTAN 119 · 2015-08-07, 22:54

Well, I'll be back home late tomorrow evening. In any case, I see Mai has found about about Ayase and Kuroneko. I look forward to seeing how she reacts when she finds out about the exact nature of their relationship.

As for the actually BDSM scene, its OK, I will be waiting to see which idea(s) you borrowed from those I listed earlier.

Just on typo I saw- an instance of an errant "L" in Kuroneko's actual name- misspelled "Gokolu".

risingstar3110 · 2015-08-09, 23:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by SPARTAN 119

Well, I'll be back home late tomorrow evening. In any case, I see Mai has found about about Ayase and Kuroneko. I look forward to seeing how she reacts when she finds out about the exact nature of their relationship.

As for the actually BDSM scene, its OK, I will be waiting to see which idea(s) you borrowed from those I listed earlier.

Just on typo I saw- an instance of an errant "L" in Kuroneko's actual name- misspelled "Gokolu".

Thank as always.

Sorry man, it's just a wrong time of the year when commitment to friends, relatives and university all comes in at one, even took most of my weekends. I tended to plan the story out before i sleep and write it in early morning before this, but now often got too tired and just dozed off right away as i lay down then waked up late....

Already started writing chapter 12 , but it's too short to post yet

SPARTAN 119 · 2015-08-11, 21:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by risingstar3110

Thank as always.

Sorry man, it's just a wrong time of the year when commitment to friends, relatives and university all comes in at one, even took most of my weekends. I tended to plan the story out before i sleep and write it in early morning before this, but now often got too tired and just dozed off right away as i lay down then waked up late....

Already started writing chapter 12 , but it's too short to post yet

I understand completely, I'm busy too- back to reality now that I'm from vacation. Take your time, and I will check back when you get it done.

risingstar3110 · 2015-08-12, 15:15

Anyway here is Chapter 12. Btw, without any planning, the total number of words of all my chapters just reach an exact 16,000 =D

I'm still stuck on the build up for next chapter through. So may take a while

Spoiler for Chapter 12:

Quote:

“R…Ruri, you want a second helping…?”

I dropped the piece of green bean that I was trying so hard to hold on with my chopsticks.

Slowly glanced up at Ayase. Strange. She did not emit any of her usual killing aura. Just her usual sweet smile.

That meant I hadn’t done anything wrong, had I?

“I’m ok. This is enough for me.”

“Okay. Tell me if you change your mind, Ruri…”

“…”

“…”

“So…hmm… what is with the first name addressing…?”

“I….”

Ayase blushed a little, started to glance sideway, while playing with her long flowing hair with her finger.

“Since we are… dating. I thought I will try to address you a bit different…That’s all”

“I…I see”

“…”

“…”

“It feels awkward for you, does it..?

“Yes, only my parents called me that. It just…a bit hard to get used to it coming from you.”

“I see”

“…”

“So…It will be just Kuroneko then…”

Ayase spirit seemed to slump down a bit as we finished our dinner in silence.

………………………

After dinner, I was still washing the disk, while Ayase already went back to her room to prepare.

I actually did feel guilty for what just happened.

Ayase obviously tried to express her affection toward me, but I ended up just pouring a cold ice water bucket over it.

That’s what made this mortal body pitiful. It can’t cope with my wealth of knowledge when it comes to the handling of romantic relationship. If only my brain can handle with my wisdom, there would be plenty of things that I could have said in those situations to bemuse Ayase.
Like…

…hmm…

…hmm…

…

Maybe It’s better to consult Kirino on mortal romantic relationship…

But Kirino really will kill me this time if she realised that I was going to woo her best friend. Don’t think that airhead is this sharp, but I have a feeling that she already caught on my tail last time

I dried my hand with a tower, sighing as I knocked on Ayase’s door

“Come in…”

Ayase was sitting on her bed wearing her usual short skirt …

…but now with long black tight covering up to her upper thigh. Then up top, a thick wind jacket cover her whole upper half of the body

“You are not going out at this hour, aren’t you?”

“Of course not…”

Ayase then pump up her chest, smiling while saying gloatingly…

“…but I know your trick now.”

“Oh. Really?”

“You are a tickle monster, as long as I don’t expose my skins you won’t be able to do anything to me…”

“Really? Let me test your defence then Dark Angel”

I jumped on top of Ayase and start to tickle her side.

She is right, I could feel at least another two layers of clothes under this jacket. Let see… a T-shirt and her sport bra

“That won’t do, Kuroneko…” she said like teasing

“Hmm… how’s about here then”

With Ayase still lying on her back. I stood up, hold up her right leg, and tickle her under-foot.

“Hey…. (hahaha). That’s cheating, Kuroneko…. (Hahaha) You said that I can’t do that last time… (Hahaha)”

Ayase broke out in non-stop laughter. The tight did cover her sensitive skin well. But when it comes to under foot, she probably will still feel my touch even under a thick sock.

“Ahahaha… stop…. Kuroneko, I lost…. Stop”

Ayase yielded in the end as her eyes were in tears with laughter. So I stopped

But it was a strange feeling

I didn’t feel the same sense of triumph like always. Rather, seeing Ayase laugh so freely in front of me just put my mind at ease.

Maybe I really was just thinking too much. About what to do. How I should behave.

Maybe it’s best just to let our relationship develop naturally like this…

“Eh… Kuroneko?”

I ignored her, as I kissed the top of her foot….

Then her foot ankle, her shin, her knee, her lower thigh, and stop just right before the part where her tight separating the upper and lower thigh.

I then stick a finger into between the tight opening and her skin, and then glanced up toward Ayase….

“…May I?”

“…Sure… Kuroneko”

With permission granted, I then slowly peel the tight off her leg, uncovering the mesmerising silky skin underneath.

I didn’t realise that there was such a beautiful thing right so close to me all this time.

So I kissed the top of her foot again.

But it still felt a bit unsatisfying. Like kissing alone was not enough.

So I started to lick it.

Ayase’s whole body shivered, then again and again every time the tip of my tongue touched on her bare skin. I sneaked a peek up, and Ayase already hugging tight and hiding her face on a side under her favourite animal pillow.

How adorable, Ayase.

So I started to lick the gapping between her toes, and planned to continue down from there…

“No, Kuroneko…”

Ayase spoke out under her pillow

“… that, my feet are dirty…”

I was so ready to rebut on that. But don’t want to ruin the mood.

So I worked my way up her leg instead, her foot, her foot ankle, her shin, her thigh.

It’s just a mixture of kissing, licking, and sometime sucking on this never-ending, fascinate silky skin.

I didn’t even think about what to do, as it’s all started to become so natural to me. Like I could instinctively know where to move my lips toward to, and how to reignite Ayase’s sweet shivering.

It felt like a game honestly. Where it was my victory every time I could feel Ayase skin tensed up and shivered under my touch. And it keep going on, and going on like that until…

“Stop… Kuroneko…”

“?!?”

“… I… I think it’s too… too early for us…. To do…that…”

Ayake words were awakening me from my dreamy state. As I realised my lip had already touched the very upper of her inner thigh.

“…and… I … I… my heart hasn’t prepared… for it…yet…”

“Of course, Ayase”

I crawled along Ayase’s stretched body. Once I was right on top of Ayase, I started to kiss her forehead. And since her lips were right there, I gave it a peck too.

“So it’s my win today, yes? Since you called for the stop”

“Yes.”

Ayase’s face looked like she was still in trance, as I got myself up, wished her goodnight and exited the room.

Well, not a bad day. I have to say

That was so close through….

…End of Chapter 12….

SPARTAN 119 · 2015-08-12, 15:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by risingstar3110

Anyway here is Chapter 12. Btw, without any planning, the total number of words of all my chapters just reach an exact 16,000 =D

I'm still stuck on the build up for next chapter through. So may take a while

Just on typo i found:

Quote:

I dried my hand with a tower, sighing as I knocked on Ayase’s door

I take it you do not mean that Kuroneko knows of some method to dry her hands with a skyscraper! I think that is a typo.

As the chapter, another excellent installment, I'm guessing you sort of went with the whole tease and denial thing as far as my suggestions, but really more just teasing-less of a denial thing, more teasing Ayase in a manner that just lightly nudges the edge of her comfort zone. That said, I'm wondering whether some of my other ideas may come in this scene I'm building for.

That said, I have a one liner for another of my ideas if you use it, but it may be a bit out of character. This would be Ayase's line, perhaps in response to Kuroneko's actions, perhaps before suddenly catching her by surprise and taking the dominant role. This may work better when their a bit deeper into their relationship:

Spoiler for One liner idea, also, mild NSFW, plus, analysis of its applicability:

In any case, what exactly are you having trouble with in terms of build-up? Anything I can help with? Otherwise, take your time, I will be eagerly awaiting the next episode of Ayase and Kuroneko's Kinky Adventures in Yuri!

risingstar3110 · 2015-08-13, 00:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by SPARTAN 119

Just on typo i found:

I take it you do not mean that Kuroneko knows of some method to dry her hands with a skyscraper! I think that is a typo.

As the chapter, another excellent installment, I'm guessing you sort of went with the whole tease and denial thing as far as my suggestions, but really more just teasing-less of a denial thing, more teasing Ayase in a manner that just lightly nudges the edge of her comfort zone. That said, I'm wondering whether some of my other ideas may come in this scene I'm building for.

That said, I have a one liner for another of my ideas if you use it, but it may be a bit out of character. This would be Ayase's line, perhaps in response to Kuroneko's actions, perhaps before suddenly catching her by surprise and taking the dominant role. This may work better when their a bit deeper into their relationship:

Spoiler for One liner idea, also, mild NSFW, plus, analysis of its applicability:

In any case, what exactly are you having trouble with in terms of build-up? Anything I can help with? Otherwise, take your time, I will be eagerly awaiting the next episode of Ayase and Kuroneko's Kinky Adventures in Yuri!

Thank for the feedback as always

Actually the chapter actually was only building up for a certain BDSM act. And it's really obvious if you think about it ( so don't think about it!!). But i have a feeling you already got a pretty good guess on that.

I will take your offer for advice then. Brainstorming moment, because I think I currently stuck on this quite a bit. So I will try to explain my current take on the whole thing:

Spoiler for Current issue:

Character consistency:

As mentioned previously, the first few chapters were easy to write as i had a very clear on how Ayase and Kuroneko are like.
But with their character and personality evolve a bit during my fanfic. It's harder for me to , not only identifying the character to be consistent with my story, but to be consistent with the original series too.
Of course people change all the the time in real life. But audiences tended to not as forgiving if their character strayed too much from their original image (you may heard recent criticism about Go Set a Watch Man , for example). So that's what has been holding me back 50% of the time while writing.

My take on Ayase and Kirino personality

I means it's quite clearly that Ayase was more of "going with the flow" type and very upfront on her feeling whether she tried to hide or not. So it's easy to progress the plot from her end. As long as you can put herself into a correct atmosphere/ setting.
But Kuroneko is different. Firstly just as in the LN, she always kept her emotion inward under her chuuni character. If i remember correctly, she has only outbursted her true feeling when she's really angry.
Secondly, because she is the type to sacrifice herself to bring happiness to those dear to her, it's natural for her to submit herself to and going with any Ayase's demand (make her a M by default).
Thirdly, she has a different side that make herself unique from the usual meek character stereotype: she's manipulative. She will selfishly plan out a happy ending for her friend(s), and will follow it through to the end. That's what I liked most about her. And you can see that most of her acts in my fanfic was not sadistic in nature, but to put herself in a better control position over their relationship

Or in summary:

During Ayase's BDSM act, the two are: a straightforward daring dominant, and a kind-heart obedient submissive.
But outside of it (in their daily life or during Kuroneko's turn), their role reversed: it's Kuroneko who control the progress of their relationship over her more passive and innocent kouhai.
That's why their relationship is interesting. And it's easy to start any light BDSM acts, as Kuroneko can set the stage, allow Ayase's emotion to run free and she just obediently follow.
But to move up from that, to more hardcore stuffs, Kuroneko has to acknowledge the need for it first, then specifically give permission to Ayase and allow that to happen.
But what could motivate her now when the only person she truly care for is Ayase (as Kirino already in good hand), and Ayase already is content with their current state of relationship?

What options do I have?

Normally at this point, the general manga/LN technique is to spark up their relationship with a) a new element (e.g. the cliche 'transfer student'/ 'childhood friend moving to city'); b) a forced disruption of their status-quo so one is desperate enough to jump the hurdle (the parents setting up arranged marriage/ moving oversea) or; c) simply time skip/ going to side-story and before we realised it, they already progressed through the hurdle in their relationship.
Even the original Oreimo LN used all three of these to progress on Kirino and Kyousuke relationship.
But I don't think my story is interesting enough to waste 1-2 books onto the set up for these.
At this moment, my best bet (without spoiling) is a combination of the three: b mainly.

I already planned out their next BDSM act, and i think their relationship and intimidation level is finally there. But I am still not happy with the event that will force them into it. So maybe you have an idea/ suggestion for it? ANy will be fine really as i may just merge them all in or steal a part from each

SPARTAN 119 · 2015-08-13, 21:23

I see the issue your having here, what with the unique personality of Kuroneko and the issues of the relationship. What we really need is a push from Ayase's side to drive the relationship in the direction its going.

Now there are a few ways you could do this. Now, one possiblity, the best developed in my mind as to how it would have something where Kuroneko makes a discovery that her innocent kouhai is less innocent than previously believed. But, knowing Ayase's shy side, we'd need something to either break her out of her shell, or for Kuroneko to break through it for her...

For instance, we already have the precedent of Ayase looking up information on BDSM for the little abandonment play thing. I suppose its possible that a slightly curious Ayase might look up information on some more hardcore acts. Or, if you really want to do the "not so innocent" route, you could have Kuroneko find BDSM porn on Ayase's computer, or BDSM doujinshi in her posession, and discover some of Ayase's more hardcore fantasies.

Then, you'd just have to have Ayase get just enough courage to break the awkward silence.

Another alternative would be to have again, some sort of disruption in the relationship, I'm not sure exactly what though. But there is a definite psychological impact to both the dom and sub side of bdsm, and it can be quite cathartic, depending on your persuasion, to dominate or submit. Not sure exactly what sort of thing would best work for that, though. I suppose its possible, for instance, if Kuroneko somehow hurts Ayase's feelings or something and in response, allows Ayase to "punish" her, perhaps with some subtle hints that she'd be open to something more hard core.

risingstar3110 · 2015-08-14, 23:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by SPARTAN 119

I see the issue your having here, what with the unique personality of Kuroneko and the issues of the relationship. What we really need is a push from Ayase's side to drive the relationship in the direction its going.

Now there are a few ways you could do this. Now, one possiblity, the best developed in my mind as to how it would have something where Kuroneko makes a discovery that her innocent kouhai is less innocent than previously believed. But, knowing Ayase's shy side, we'd need something to either break her out of her shell, or for Kuroneko to break through it for her...

For instance, we already have the precedent of Ayase looking up information on BDSM for the little abandonment play thing. I suppose its possible that a slightly curious Ayase might look up information on some more hardcore acts. Or, if you really want to do the "not so innocent" route, you could have Kuroneko find BDSM porn on Ayase's computer, or BDSM doujinshi in her posession, and discover some of Ayase's more hardcore fantasies.

Then, you'd just have to have Ayase get just enough courage to break the awkward silence.

Another alternative would be to have again, some sort of disruption in the relationship, I'm not sure exactly what though. But there is a definite psychological impact to both the dom and sub side of bdsm, and it can be quite cathartic, depending on your persuasion, to dominate or submit. Not sure exactly what sort of thing would best work for that, though. I suppose its possible, for instance, if Kuroneko somehow hurts Ayase's feelings or something and in response, allows Ayase to "punish" her, perhaps with some subtle hints that she'd be open to something more hard core.

Thanks for the ideas. Have to admit, your line of thinking was definitely very similar to mine.

But despite i have planned out 3 scenarios, sort of, but still feels them all to be a bit of forced. Like something was still lacking =/

SPARTAN 119 · 2015-08-17, 16:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by risingstar3110

Thanks for the ideas. Have to admit, your line of thinking was definitely very similar to mine.

But despite i have planned out 3 scenarios, sort of, but still feels them all to be a bit of forced. Like something was still lacking =/

I see, mind telling me about some of the scenarios to see which one I think works best? Also, sorry for not replying much these past few days- reality caught up with me again.

risingstar3110 · 2015-08-17, 19:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by SPARTAN 119

I see, mind telling me about some of the scenarios to see which one I think works best? Also, sorry for not replying much these past few days- reality caught up with me again.

I rather rather would not spoil, so i try to keep the detail restricted, but currently there are three main options

Spoiler for Just in case:

Internal approach:

"a certain something" happens to Ayase and Kuroneko want to cheer Ayase up , sort of.
My biggest issue with this approach: I think Ayase has been crying too much recently, so I try to switch the way she react against that certain something to add a bit of depth on her character. Also honestly I had been having quite a lot of short arcs (where events are often solved within 1 chapters or 2). I afraid that it will get boring if I follow current format

External approach:

introduce a new (or old) character into their life. Kinda a side-story. Stir things away a bit, so Kuroneko and Ayase can reflect over their relationship, and give Kuroneko and Ayase incentive to move to a higher level.
Biggest issues: have to keep it short enough to not distract the story. But long enough to keep the development seemed believable.

Combined approach (actually I just thought of this as I wrote above, could be the best option right now)

basically we add that new element in to stir things up a bit. Then quickly the problem is solved and things seemed to be settled back to status-quo. Or so we thought. But then because Ayase sorta reflect over her relationship with Kuroneko, certain things happens, which lead to Kuroneko decides to make her move to cheer Ayase up
Biggest issues: it gonna move out of my comfort zone so far on writing about Ayase and Kuroneko back and forward. I will need to think of a background for a side-story. Also it will makes the coming arc, or side story to become much lengthy. At least, it will be at least 2-3 chapters will happens until Kuroneko and Ayase next BDSM act.

Obviously you could sense that I am leaning toward the "combined approach" at this moment. Because one is it may be able to break away from the current trend back and forward between Ayase and Kuroneko and add a bit of extra depth into the fanfic. And secondly, it could set up the ground for future developments if needed. But in the same time, I myself hate fillers, means I will have to make sure the side-story is short but meaningful, and could be concluded quickly so we can move back to AYase x Kuroneko.

2015-07-28, 21:40	Link #42
SPARTAN 119 Unleashing the Homu-Rage Join Date: Apr 2010	Hmmm... as for mid-tier activities, nothing I haven't mentioned before, but a lot of the mid-tier stuff that I can think of would be considered to sexual in nature for Ayase and Kuroneko at this point. As for stuff you can use, spanking might work as they can increase the level of hardcore-ness in levels- both in terms of intimacy- from over clothing, to over panties, to bare, and in terms of pain level, going by hand to using an implement of some kind. Apart from that, some sort of tease and denial play might work, although not sure how to go without getting it too sexual- maybe just getting them all worked up like they are about to have sex- teasing her most sensitive regions through her clothing, then stopping. Also, you could explore different styles and method of bondage- placing of ropes, binding her in different ways, different rope materials- or other things like handcuffs, belts, tape etc. Apart from that, perhaps combine the acts mild verbal abuse etc - by etc I mean stuff not so much insulting or degrading, but still dominant in nature, like referring to their submissive as "slave" or "pet" or what have you.

2015-07-31, 11:09	Link #46
SPARTAN 119 Unleashing the Homu-Rage Join Date: Apr 2010	I see, I didn't realize that Makabe was a canon character and not an OC. Though I do remember one of Kyousuke's classmates had a fujoshi sister. Mind you, if Makabe was dating Sena, I'm not sure its as much a misunderstanding as part of Sena's fujoshi fantasies. I hate to think how her brother reacted to all this... though he's probably used to it by now. In any case, I may be gone for a while as I'm on vacation. In any case, I'm going to be camping after the 4th of August to the 8th, so in either case, I'm going to be off of here for at least 3 days starting on the 4th, possibly a week starting tomorrow. I hope this doesn't demotivate you from updating, as I really want to know which of my ideas you picked!

2015-08-07, 22:54	Link #51
SPARTAN 119 Unleashing the Homu-Rage Join Date: Apr 2010	Well, I'll be back home late tomorrow evening. In any case, I see Mai has found about about Ayase and Kuroneko. I look forward to seeing how she reacts when she finds out about the exact nature of their relationship. As for the actually BDSM scene, its OK, I will be waiting to see which idea(s) you borrowed from those I listed earlier. Just on typo I saw- an instance of an errant "L" in Kuroneko's actual name- misspelled "Gokolu".

2015-08-13, 21:23	Link #57
SPARTAN 119 Unleashing the Homu-Rage Join Date: Apr 2010	I see the issue your having here, what with the unique personality of Kuroneko and the issues of the relationship. What we really need is a push from Ayase's side to drive the relationship in the direction its going. Now there are a few ways you could do this. Now, one possiblity, the best developed in my mind as to how it would have something where Kuroneko makes a discovery that her innocent kouhai is less innocent than previously believed. But, knowing Ayase's shy side, we'd need something to either break her out of her shell, or for Kuroneko to break through it for her... For instance, we already have the precedent of Ayase looking up information on BDSM for the little abandonment play thing. I suppose its possible that a slightly curious Ayase might look up information on some more hardcore acts. Or, if you really want to do the "not so innocent" route, you could have Kuroneko find BDSM porn on Ayase's computer, or BDSM doujinshi in her posession, and discover some of Ayase's more hardcore fantasies. Then, you'd just have to have Ayase get just enough courage to break the awkward silence. Another alternative would be to have again, some sort of disruption in the relationship, I'm not sure exactly what though. But there is a definite psychological impact to both the dom and sub side of bdsm, and it can be quite cathartic, depending on your persuasion, to dominate or submit. Not sure exactly what sort of thing would best work for that, though. I suppose its possible, for instance, if Kuroneko somehow hurts Ayase's feelings or something and in response, allows Ayase to "punish" her, perhaps with some subtle hints that she'd be open to something more hard core.