AnimeSuki Forums

sosbrigademember · 2008-03-21, 12:54

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight….”

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain;they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
to his birth mother. Up on receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari.

So this man goes in to see the doctor. The doctor tells him he has good news and bad news. THe man asks for the good news first. the doctor says "the good news is , you are going to die of cancer and you have only one day to live." the man is shocked and says" well then whats the bad news?" "The bad news is i forgot to tell you this yesterday..."

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to name that person until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.

A song to all my exes:

If I had a hammer
I would build a house for two
If I had a sailing ship
I would take a trip with you

If I had the poet's hand
I would write a verse for thee
If I had the painter's touch
On canvas you would be

But I don't have a hammer
And I don't have a ship
So I can't build a house
And we can't take a trip

And I'll never be a poet
Nor have the painter's grace
So I can't write your verse
Nor immortalize your face
And also, I have herpes

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says, "Welcome to heaven!"

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.

Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"

Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."

Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.

Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"

George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"

Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."

Comrade · 2008-03-21, 13:43

Mice are lovely and wonderful pets, as long as they don't pervade by themselves.

---

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are taking a walk across a misty heath. After some time they come across a huge pile of shit.
"This is the place where I first saw the hound of the Baskervilles." Holmes sighs.

---

Two friends meet after a long time and one of them is very depressed.
"What's wrong? Why so glum?" The other one asks.
"Well, I have roaches in my apartment. And yesterday they declared war on my neighbor's roaches."
"What's so bad about that? They'll eventually kill each other and won't bother you anymore."
The sad guy looks at his friend and replies. "Yes, but today they returned with 200 prisoners."

---

Say 'N-N-N-N-N-N-NO!' to your constipation!

---

A wedding ceremony comes out of the church. Everyone's happy and is cheering for the new pair. Across the street two young boys watch the whole process.
Then one of them says to his friend: "Let me show you a joke."
He runs across the street, pushes himself trough the crowd to the groom, hugs him around the waist and says. "Daddy, daddy!"

xleandrax1 · 2008-03-23, 14:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigword

Funny Goal by Nistelrooy

that was funny lol did you see that coach?

Urzu 7 · 2008-03-24, 00:20

Movies re-enacted by bunnies, in 30 seconds!

Borat

http://www.angryalien.com/aa/boratbuns.asp

Napoleon Dynamite

http://www.angryalien.com/aa/napoleondynabun.asp

Die Hard

http://www.angryalien.com/aa/diehardbuns.asp

Office Space

http://www.angryalien.com/aa/officespbuns.asp

More here: http://www.angryalien.com/

Khaos · 2008-03-24, 07:01

The Gourmet Race - OS Error Cover Version:

Konata's Gourmet Race:

EXEs · 2008-03-24, 21:54

Anyone here remember the potato chip scene with Light in the Death Note anime? You thought that one funny/wtf then check out the dub version

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9-YncEi4U0

jedinat · 2008-03-24, 22:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by EXEs

Anyone here remember the potato chip scene with Light in the Death Note anime? You thought that one funny/wtf then check out the dub version

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9-YncEi4U0

Ugh... dubbing is just a bad idea. People should stop it.

Anime aside, my PS3 games are being ruined. It's my first time having a Playstation and I think Nintendo had the right idea with all the grunts and squeaking. At least include a Japanese audio option! I was playing the Devil May Cry demo and the subtitles were already there, but not Japanese audio! Just lame-voiced moron speaking at the wrong speed, mispronounced japanese names and all... it hurts. Currently being tortured by Hotshots Golf dub.
/rant

EXEs · 2008-03-25, 00:55

This kid band is laughably funny, and not in a good way. I'll let you guys decide for yourselves.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xr317Cze3nE

onehp · 2008-03-25, 17:56

http://youtube.com/watch?v=PEN6avvCiMI

"Oh my god, excuse me, are you alright?"

http://youtube.com/watch?v=X-zk0eodQHI&feature=related

Radiant AI raking the carpet

Shay · 2008-03-25, 18:25

Terry Tate: Office Linebacker! lol funny!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzToNo7A-94

How do you link it so you can play it in the thread again?

Deathkillz · 2008-03-25, 19:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by EXEs

Anyone here remember the potato chip scene with Light in the Death Note anime? You thought that one funny/wtf then check out the dub version

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9-YncEi4U0

Actually...I didn't think that was bad at all but then the potato chip part hits XD

PS3...is there anything they can't do?

cicido · 2008-03-25, 19:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deathkillz

Actually...I didn't think that was bad at all but then the potato chip part hits XD

PS3...is there anything they can't do?

*revive Ed's mother?*

Spoiler for Something random that might or might not crack you up:

onehp · 2008-03-25, 19:55

"Cu'z when its game time, it's pain time!"

D a m i e n · 2008-03-26, 11:49

for some reason this gif made me laught

anti-random · 2008-03-26, 17:08

^Oh no. Poor guy.

gabbytay · 2008-03-26, 18:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by D a m i e n

for some reason this gif made me laught

Ninja ARTS!

Aoie_Emesai · 2008-03-26, 18:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deathkillz

Actually...I didn't think that was bad at all but then the potato chip part hits XD

PS3...is there anything they can't do?

What can't a PS3 do now days ^^

gabbytay · 2008-03-26, 20:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deathkillz

Actually...I didn't think that was bad at all but then the potato chip part hits XD

PS3...is there anything they can't do?

Beat that Xbox 360!

EXEs · 2008-03-27, 02:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by D a m i e n

for some reason this gif made me laught

For some reason, I thought he was gonna get crotch-hurt from either the top bar or his pole snapping back straight

aka Providence · 2008-03-27, 02:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by D a m i e n

for some reason this gif made me laught

epic fail!

2008-03-21, 12:54	Link #2101
sosbrigademember Banned Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Ichiraku Ramen Bar, Naruto Land Age: 29	This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!?” The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight….” A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain;they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Up on receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal. A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari. So this man goes in to see the doctor. The doctor tells him he has good news and bad news. THe man asks for the good news first. the doctor says "the good news is , you are going to die of cancer and you have only one day to live." the man is shocked and says" well then whats the bad news?" "The bad news is i forgot to tell you this yesterday..." The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison. And then they made love for the first time. Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal. Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted. She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again." Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence, OKAY! Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to name that person until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands. A song to all my exes: If I had a hammer I would build a house for two If I had a sailing ship I would take a trip with you If I had the poet's hand I would write a verse for thee If I had the painter's touch On canvas you would be But I don't have a hammer And I don't have a ship So I can't build a house And we can't take a trip And I'll never be a poet Nor have the painter's grace So I can't write your verse Nor immortalize your face And also, I have herpes Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?" Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says, "Welcome to heaven!" The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead." Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!" Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?" George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?" Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George." Last edited by NightWish; 2008-03-21 at 13:39.

2008-03-21, 13:43	Link #2102
Comrade A fuckin' genius! Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Here, there ... EVERYWHERE! Age: 36	Mice are lovely and wonderful pets, as long as they don't pervade by themselves. --- Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are taking a walk across a misty heath. After some time they come across a huge pile of shit. "This is the place where I first saw the hound of the Baskervilles." Holmes sighs. --- Two friends meet after a long time and one of them is very depressed. "What's wrong? Why so glum?" The other one asks. "Well, I have roaches in my apartment. And yesterday they declared war on my neighbor's roaches." "What's so bad about that? They'll eventually kill each other and won't bother you anymore." The sad guy looks at his friend and replies. "Yes, but today they returned with 200 prisoners." --- Say 'N-N-N-N-N-N-NO!' to your constipation! --- A wedding ceremony comes out of the church. Everyone's happy and is cheering for the new pair. Across the street two young boys watch the whole process. Then one of them says to his friend: "Let me show you a joke." He runs across the street, pushes himself trough the crowd to the groom, hugs him around the waist and says. "Daddy, daddy!" __________________ If vegetarians care about the animals, then why are they eating all their food?

2008-03-24, 00:20	Link #2104
Urzu 7 Juanita/Kiteless Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: New England Age: 40	Movies re-enacted by bunnies, in 30 seconds! Borat http://www.angryalien.com/aa/boratbuns.asp Napoleon Dynamite http://www.angryalien.com/aa/napoleondynabun.asp Die Hard http://www.angryalien.com/aa/diehardbuns.asp Office Space http://www.angryalien.com/aa/officespbuns.asp More here: http://www.angryalien.com/ __________________

2008-03-24, 07:01	Link #2105
Khaos Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: München	The Gourmet Race - OS Error Cover Version: <p>No iframe support, please <a href="http://youtu.be/u7CrBMVtm_U">watch on YouTube</a>.</p> Konata's Gourmet Race: <p>No iframe support, please <a href="http://youtu.be/hVjdol0qcvQ">watch on YouTube</a>.</p>

2008-03-25, 18:25	Link #2110
Shay Monarch Programmer Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Liverpool Age: 42	Terry Tate: Office Linebacker! lol funny! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzToNo7A-94 How do you link it so you can play it in the thread again? __________________ Current Anime - Attack on Titan Current Manga - Naruto Current Book - Waiting for War of the Roses Current Album - Vessel by Twenty One Pilots

2008-03-24, 21:54	Link #2106
EXEs Hallelujah... Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Hong Kong Age: 32	Anyone here remember the potato chip scene with Light in the Death Note anime? You thought that one funny/wtf then check out the dub version http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9-YncEi4U0

2008-03-25, 00:55	Link #2108
EXEs Hallelujah... Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Hong Kong Age: 32	This kid band is laughably funny, and not in a good way. I'll let you guys decide for yourselves. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xr317Cze3nE

2008-03-25, 17:56	Link #2109
onehp Banned Join Date: Nov 2006	http://youtube.com/watch?v=PEN6avvCiMI "Oh my god, excuse me, are you alright?" http://youtube.com/watch?v=X-zk0eodQHI&feature=related Radiant AI raking the carpet

2008-03-25, 19:55	Link #2113
onehp Banned Join Date: Nov 2006	"Cu'z when its game time, it's pain time!"

2008-03-26, 11:49	Link #2114
D a m i e n permanentely bored Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: France Age: 44	for some reason this gif made me laught

2008-03-26, 17:08	Link #2115
anti-random We want chicken tonight Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Melbourne - Australia Age: 33	^Oh no. Poor guy. __________________ Thanks Sephi