AnimeSuki Forums

Eratas123 · 2011-11-04, 04:58

@ Zero and Rain - Yuriko and Aria draft. Please read and tell me what you think.

Spoiler:

wavehawk · 2011-11-04, 05:33

I'm cancelling and withdrawing my current storyline (Van MArrk arc for <Ren>'s story), mainly because I'm just not happy with how it's turning out. It might end up as a separate side story, but defintely removing it and starting it from scratch--especially givne the reviews the 1st chapter is getting on ff.net.

I'm going to have to meet some expectations now...

HasuMasu · 2011-11-04, 05:39

Haha, you didn't think they'd be ignoring you forever now did you?

Eratas123 · 2011-11-04, 05:47

@ Hawke - What other fanons have you written fanfiction about other than IS?

ZeroXSEED · 2011-11-04, 05:52

If I remember, he had plenty in his website... I guess it's mostly pre-2000 anime/manga though...

EDIT: I'm going to read the draft later, kinda busy here...

Eratas123 · 2011-11-04, 05:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@ Hawke - What other fanons have you written fanfiction about other than IS?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED

If I remember, he had plenty in his website... I guess it's mostly pre-2000 anime/manga though...

Pre-2000? You mean like hunter x hunter and others like that? Those were some of the best anime's when I was a kid.

wavehawk · 2011-11-04, 05:58

Magic Knight Rayearth. Kids these days! (shakes cane)

And yes, given that I use OCs, I was assumign they'd ignore me forever. Including the guy who Jak's so ticked off at.

ZeroXSEED · 2011-11-04, 06:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by wavehawk

Magic Knight Rayearth. Kids these days! (shakes cane)

HEY I DO WATCH RAYEARTH! I EVEN HAD IT'S OFFICIAL SNES GAME CARTRIDGE!

Eratas123 · 2011-11-04, 06:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by wavehawk

Magic Knight Rayearth. Kids these days! (shakes cane)

And yes, given that I use OCs, I was assumign they'd ignore me forever. Including the guy who Jak's so ticked off at.

Sorry. I grew up watching Doraemon, Shaman king, Hunter x Hunter and Detective Conan.

Also. Can you please not act like a grandpa? I doubt you're as old as that.

HasuMasu · 2011-11-04, 06:09

Judging by his looks, I don't think he's too far off.

wavehawk · 2011-11-04, 06:11

Days like these I go home with a backache, I DO feel like a grandpa...

Seriously, I had to teach people IMS databases and COBOL, had te explain what a telex machine was to some IT people, and I also knew what a dial-type (pulse) phone was...

HasuMasu · 2011-11-04, 06:15

There used to be some dude who hated OCs with a passion, but he hasn't made his presence felt since the anime stopped airing.

In other words, a little before this thread became really active.

Eratas123 · 2011-11-04, 06:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by Detective-san

There used to be some dude who hated OCs with a passion, but he hasn't made his presence felt since the anime stopped airing.

In other words, a little before this thread became really active.

I saw him leave a review in the Index archive. He's still an ass.

Though oddly enough he seems to have left heart of the Machine alone despite having a Male OC for the main character.

HasuMasu · 2011-11-04, 06:32

He probably lost interest in IS at some point.

Are we talking about the same guy?

wavehawk · 2011-11-04, 06:36

Regardless, I'm ripping out what I've written so far on chapter two and will start again. Argh, it's apain, but if a story's going nowehere, it's going nowhere fast.

Eratas123 · 2011-11-04, 06:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by Detective-san

He probably lost interest in IS at some point.

Are we talking about the same guy?

I was talking about Jasper actually. I know the one you posted, he's a dick too. He purposely make his reviews as insulting as he can.

@ Hawk - Good luck to you on that

I'm looking forward to it.

MeisterBabylon · 2011-11-04, 06:49

Ahh....

Sometimes I come back here, and wonder if we're all really some alternate universe of Bakuman. XD

I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I started out in the deep of CLAMP, and have read everything they've made right up to TRC (after that I lost interest in Kobato...). This story, Mobile Angel Reiya, is mostly Angelic Layer, but there's so many hooks to other CLAMP material I still wonder how did I manage to piece it together like that. This incomplete piece was what I'd consider the epitome of my writing. Everything has gone downhill since.

But now, as I reread that fic, I find that my penchant for being absolutely annal for details has become even worse than before; in the past I drew on other CLAMP manga and the real world for inspiration, now my inspiration comes from frikkin' everywhere, plus I also have people routinely feeding/pruning ideas.

I read my Vandam II fic and somewhere it just doesn't feel like Reiya did. I'm missing some kind of spark, and I can't put my finger on it...

Eratas123 · 2011-11-04, 06:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon

Ahh....

Sometimes I come back here, and wonder if we're all really some alternate universe of Bakuman. XD

I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I started out in the deep of CLAMP, and have read everything they've made right up to TRC (after that I lost interest in Kobato...). This story, Mobile Angel Reiya, is mostly Angelic Layer, but there's so many hooks to other CLAMP material I still wonder how did I manage to piece it together like that. This incomplete piece was what I'd consider the epitome of my writing. Everything has gone downhill since.

But now, as I reread that fic, I find that my penchant for being absolutely annal for details has become even worse than before; in the past I drew on other CLAMP manga and the real world for inspiration, now my inspiration comes from frikkin' everywhere, plus I also have people routinely feeding/pruning ideas.

I read my Vandam II fic and somewhere it just doesn't feel like Reiya did. I'm missing some kind of spark, and I can't put my finger on it...

Why do you write stories Meister? If you can answer that then you might be able to find something to help you.

StratoSpear · 2011-11-04, 07:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED

I though Stratospear already do that?

I did what now?

cf_dagger · 2011-11-04, 07:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by wavehawk

I'm cancelling and withdrawing my current storyline (Van MArrk arc for <Ren>'s story), mainly because I'm just not happy with how it's turning out. It might end up as a separate side story, but defintely removing it and starting it from scratch--especially givne the reviews the 1st chapter is getting on ff.net.

I'm going to have to meet some expectations now...

I'm not a good writer myself, but I know a good story when read one.

Your current story arc is excellent. The plot is quite exciting and the draft already well written. If you decide to scrap it, in my humble opinion, it will a waste of good writing material.

But, hey, you are the writer.... so the final decision is yours

With part exactly that you not satisfied with?

2011-11-04, 04:58	Link #6041
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Zero and Rain - Yuriko and Aria draft. Please read and tell me what you think. Spoiler: The Cafeteria was mostly empty at this time of day. The revelation of Ichika and Chalotte's child caused the entire student body to go up in arms in rebellion over "losing their chance". "Hurry up and eat already!" "Are you sure this is alright?" That's not the focus of this story though. This is the part where two kids start to get to know each other better. "I already took it from the Cafeteria so just stop whining and eat it already!" Aria yelled in exasperation at the other child's refusal to eat. He refused to pick up his utensils and simply tried to argue back again, "We really shouldn't be here. The food is for the people in uniform aren't they?" He questioned her. Aria leaned back in her seat and put her palm to her face, most boys his age would jump at the chance of free food, not him apparently. "Look, just eat it already. I already told the Cafeteria ladies that we wanted some food and they gave it to us. Besides, you need more meat on your bones." She pointed out. Yuriko looked down at himself before replying, "Need more meat? What do you mean?" He tilted his head in confusion. "Are you kidding me!?" She leaned forward in her seat in supposed disbelief. "Look at yourself! You're thinner than some of the girls I know!" Aria wasn't exaggerating on that last bit. Yuriko wore clothes that were supposed to look tight but they seemed to hang loosely on his body which gave him a frail appearance. Yuriko looked down with a blush on his face, "I'll eat it, but please stop yelling at me." he picked up the fork and started to shove the food against his mouth. Aria leaned back into her seat after he started to eat. She began to observe him as she ate her own meal. 'Hair's black but the eyes are yellow. The face is pretty and reminds me of a girl but he looks like he's sad about something.' She smiled as she came up with a conclusion, 'He's Perfect! He looks just like the guys from those books Aunt Clarissa sent me!' She continued to think ecstatically about her "great find". Her face began to redden and some drool started to fall from the side of her mouth. Yuriko didn't notice any of this though. He was too busy shoveling the food in his mouth. After 30 minutes he finished the food and looked up at her again, "Aria-san, I'm done" "Yeah, I'm done too." She replied. He noticed that she had a piece of rice stuck near her mouth, "Aria-san, please don't move." He leaned forward to try and get it. Seeing his action, her face blushed crimson, "W-Wait! Aren't we going a little too fast!?" He ignored her stunned reaction and gently placed his palm under her chin, "Please hold still." He put his face closer to hers as her face began to get more and more red. 'Th-This is it! I hope you're proud of me Aunt Clarissa!' She closed her eyes before leaning forward in anticipation. Paku Yuriko grabbed the piece of rice near her lips before leaning back into his seat, "Aria-san, I got it." Aria opened her eyes and saw him back in his seat with a grain of rice on his hand, "W-What?" She was confused, wasn't he about to take the next step? "You had a piece of rice stuck near your mouth." "..." Aria looked down, her entire face lit in a crimson blaze. Yuriko got up from his seat and walked next to her, "Aria-san....Is something wr-" "BAKA~!" She suddenly grabbed him by the arm before pulling him closer to her, "Don't toy with an innocent girl's heart like that!" She continued to verbally lambast him to his utter confusion. "A-Aria-san , please let go before-" RIP The sleeve of the arm she was holding on to suddenly ripped. Aria looked down at the broken cloth, "Sorry, I guess I don't know my own- What the fuck!" She exclaimed in an unchildlike manner as he saw the exposed flesh of his arm. Dark bruises covered his forearm and there were thin jagged lines of what looked to be slashes near his wrists. The wounds look like they'd only been there recently judging by their severe state. "D-Don't look!" He pulled his arm from her grasp before hiding it behind him. "I saw that! What happened to your arm!?" She grabbed it again and examined the injuries. The bruises were colored a dark purple and with her keen eyesight she saw the slashes had remnants of dried blood on its edges. These wounds weren't normal. He struggled again against her grip to no avail, "P-Please let go! It's nothing you should be worried about!" He tried to dissuade her. His tone giving away his obvious desperation. She looked closer at the injuries, "Like hell it isn't!" She yelled at him. "They're nothing, I just got them from playing too much" He tried to justify the nature of his wounds. "These injuries aren't normal! Someone did this to you!" She knew these couldn't have been by accident. She knew the difference between self inflicted wounds and wounds taken from others. "..." He didn't have an answer against her accusation. "If you tell me, it'll make you feel better." She tried to console him. "It won't....I'll just get hurt again. Like last time." His voice was barely above a whisper now but the fear and nervousness were obvious to her. "I promise you won't get hurt, so please tell me." She pleaded to him. "......Alright.....I'll tell you." __________________ Last edited by Eratas123; 2011-11-04 at 12:12.

2011-11-04, 05:33	Link #6042
wavehawk Some say I'm the Reverse Join Date: Jul 2006	I'm cancelling and withdrawing my current storyline (Van MArrk arc for <Ren>'s story), mainly because I'm just not happy with how it's turning out. It might end up as a separate side story, but defintely removing it and starting it from scratch--especially givne the reviews the 1st chapter is getting on ff.net. I'm going to have to meet some expectations now... __________________ "We haven't been properly introduced..."

2011-11-04, 05:39	Link #6043
HasuMasu Senior Member Artist Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: The Middle Way	Haha, you didn't think they'd be ignoring you forever now did you? __________________

2011-11-04, 05:47	Link #6044
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Hawke - What other fanons have you written fanfiction about other than IS? __________________

2011-11-04, 05:52	Link #6045
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	If I remember, he had plenty in his website... I guess it's mostly pre-2000 anime/manga though... EDIT: I'm going to read the draft later, kinda busy here... __________________

2011-11-04, 05:58	Link #6047
wavehawk Some say I'm the Reverse Join Date: Jul 2006	Magic Knight Rayearth. Kids these days! (shakes cane) And yes, given that I use OCs, I was assumign they'd ignore me forever. Including the guy who Jak's so ticked off at. __________________ "We haven't been properly introduced..."

2011-11-04, 06:09	Link #6050
HasuMasu Senior Member Artist Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: The Middle Way	Judging by his looks, I don't think he's too far off. __________________

2011-11-04, 06:11	Link #6051
wavehawk Some say I'm the Reverse Join Date: Jul 2006	Days like these I go home with a backache, I DO feel like a grandpa... Seriously, I had to teach people IMS databases and COBOL, had te explain what a telex machine was to some IT people, and I also knew what a dial-type (pulse) phone was... __________________ "We haven't been properly introduced..."

2011-11-04, 06:15	Link #6052
HasuMasu Senior Member Artist Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: The Middle Way	There used to be some dude who hated OCs with a passion, but he hasn't made his presence felt since the anime stopped airing. In other words, a little before this thread became really active. __________________

2011-11-04, 06:32	Link #6054
HasuMasu Senior Member Artist Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: The Middle Way	He probably lost interest in IS at some point. Are we talking about the same guy? __________________

2011-11-04, 06:36	Link #6055
wavehawk Some say I'm the Reverse Join Date: Jul 2006	Regardless, I'm ripping out what I've written so far on chapter two and will start again. Argh, it's apain, but if a story's going nowehere, it's going nowhere fast. __________________ "We haven't been properly introduced..."

2011-11-04, 06:49	Link #6057
MeisterBabylon ~ Your Smile ~ Author Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: 346Pro Age: 38	Ahh.... Sometimes I come back here, and wonder if we're all really some alternate universe of Bakuman. XD I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I started out in the deep of CLAMP, and have read everything they've made right up to TRC (after that I lost interest in Kobato...). This story, Mobile Angel Reiya, is mostly Angelic Layer, but there's so many hooks to other CLAMP material I still wonder how did I manage to piece it together like that. This incomplete piece was what I'd consider the epitome of my writing. Everything has gone downhill since. But now, as I reread that fic, I find that my penchant for being absolutely annal for details has become even worse than before; in the past I drew on other CLAMP manga and the real world for inspiration, now my inspiration comes from frikkin' everywhere, plus I also have people routinely feeding/pruning ideas. I read my Vandam II fic and somewhere it just doesn't feel like Reiya did. I'm missing some kind of spark, and I can't put my finger on it... __________________ 白露型駆逐艦の４番艦、夕立です。第三次ソロモン海戦では、けっこう頑張ったっぽい★？