A Nice or Truthful Person

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by monster

On that note, I don't think being truthful negates the need for tact.

Tact is synonymous with "economy of truth". It is about rearranging your sentences and words skilfully so you don't offend another party.

Nothing to do with telling the complete truth.

[monster]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

Tact is synonymous with "economy of truth". It is about rearranging your sentences and words skilfully so you don't offend another party.

Being tactful doesn't require anyone to deceive anyone else.

[Etyo]

I believe being a bit of both is good but it all depends on the certain situation. Of course telling the truth in some situations can do more damage than good, and in some situations being nice can do more damage than good. So it is kind of situational in the end I went for truthful because people do seem to go very soft on things we need to be truthful about.

[TinyRedLeaf]

The truth is that most of us can't handle the truth (about ourselves) very well, especially if it comes from someone who we think doesn't know us.

[Etyo]

Originally Posted by TinyRedLeaf

The truth is that most of us can't handle the truth (about ourselves) very well, especially if it comes from someone who we think doesn't know us.

"You can't handle the truth" A Few Good Men?

[TinyRedLeaf]

Originally Posted by Etyo

"You can't handle the truth" A Few Good Men?

Yes indeed. It may sound glib, but I feel it's more than supported by over 10 years of personal working experience and self-reflection.

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by monster

Being tactful doesn't require anyone to deceive anyone else.

Define and elaborate on "tactful". Unless of course, you meant it as it is straight from the dictionaries with little or no application to real life; from that I can't argue with you because it means different things when people you know are demanding information from you that is to be protected for the sake of others. Basically tact is a concept of "not telling the truth yet not lying".

Hence I suggest the term "honest", or "straightforward", rather than "truthful" - the second poster already highlighted that there is no truthful person because it is impossible not to lie. Being honest is different because you show others what you think and feel while at the same time, witholding certain pieces of information perhaps for a greater good.

[monsta666]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

Define and elaborate on "tactful". Unless of course, you meant it as it is straight from the dictionaries with little or no application to real life; from that I can't argue with you because it means different things when people you know are demanding information from you that is to be protected for the sake of others. Basically tact is a concept of "not telling the truth yet not lying".

I would describe being tactful in this instance if someone can convey the whole truth in such a way that is not overly offensive.

Sometimes people use the truth as an excuse to be an ass and to me that inconsiderate and not being tactful. If someone performs a task to an unacceptable standard it is possible to voice your disappointment but it can be couched in such a way that you are trying to help the person instead of insult them. For example I could say the work you produced is not good enough for publication but it has potential and if you did x, y and z it would be good piece and I would publish it if those changes are made. That is being tactful and honest. One the other hand if I was more of jackass I could simply say your work was a pile of c*ap and do it all over again and this time be sure to give me something presentable.

Both instances I feel I described the whole truth but you can see the latter is far more harsh and less helpful and constructive to you.

[EscapeReality]

You're assuming they're mutually exclusive, hmm? A good question.

This is how I would define nice and truthful:

Nice - A nice person is one who selects his actions so as to do the least harm upon others, as he thinks. I wouldn't count manipulation as being "nice", the concern has to be genuine.

Truthful - being faithful to one's beliefs and ideas, whatever they may be. I assume this means being frank with them with others as well as not trying to make excuses for hiding them from yourself.

A nice person puts priority on his agenda of niceness, and the truthful person on his agenda of truthfulness.

The problem is that I don't think a person always gets good results because his intentions are good (if you've watched Madoka Magica, you might get some of this theme...and I also think of Frankenstein).

You try to hide something traumatic from another person (hence being untruthful), but how do you know what unforeseen consequences this can cause? Being "nice" puts you as the dictator for what is right and wrong...are you so sure of yourself as competent in this role?

I also find it repulsive to try to be somebody you aren't solely to avoid hurting another's feelings. If you can make friends this way, well...they aren't actually friends, are they? They're friends with the fake personality you just constructed.

If I could choose only one...I voted truthful since that's how I would think I want to be in most situations...I don't want to live as somebody who I'm not...it just makes me feel ridiculous. But I could see that there are situations in which the truth may not be the most directly beneficial thing.

Someone give me an example in which deception actually had the optimal impact in the long run?

I might have tripped up somewhere in my reasoning. If you see a flaw...feel free to voice a correction.

[monster]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

Define and elaborate on "tactful". Unless of course, you meant it as it is straight from the dictionaries with little or no application to real life; from that I can't argue with you because it means different things when people you know are demanding information from you that is to be protected for the sake of others. Basically tact is a concept of "not telling the truth yet not lying".

Hence I suggest the term "honest", or "straightforward", rather than "truthful" - the second poster already highlighted that there is no truthful person because it is impossible not to lie. Being honest is different because you show others what you think and feel while at the same time, witholding certain pieces of information perhaps for a greater good.

Originally Posted by monsta666

I would describe being tactful in this instance if someone can convey the whole truth in such a way that is not overly offensive.

Sometimes people use the truth as an excuse to be an ass and to me that inconsiderate and not being tactful. If someone performs a task to an unacceptable standard it is possible to voice your disappointment but it can be couched in such a way that you are trying to help the person instead of insult them. For example I could say the work you produced is not good enough for publication but it has potential and if you did x, y and z it would be good piece and I would publish it if those changes are made. That is being tactful and honest. One the other hand if I was more of jackass I could simply say your work was a pile of c*ap and do it all over again and this time be sure to give me something presentable.

Both instances I feel I described the whole truth but you can see the latter is far more harsh and less helpful and constructive to you.

I would agree with monsta666.

Here's an application to real life: The actor Paul Walker (the Fast and the Furious) just died recently. If you happen not to enjoy his work as actor, you can still be tactful by not publicizing your dislike of his work to a group of people who are mourning his passing so soon after the event.

In such a case, remaining silent doesn't change/twist the truth that you don't like his work and no one would think that you like his work just because you don't say negative things about him, but at the same time, you're not offending anybody.

In other words, being tactful is being nice while remaining honest and truthful.

If someone were to ask you if you enjoyed Paul Walker's work, then being tactful doesn't prevent you from truthfully saying that you don't.

Sure, being tactful can also be applied to the "do I look pretty/fat/whatever" question, and in such a case, I would agree that it is not being truthful/honest if you answer something that is different than what you really think. But just because such a use for tact exist doesn't negate the use of tact without being dishonest/deceiving.

[Liddo-kun]

Approximately a year ago, a friend invited me to work part time for a certain group. Though upon meeting and talking with my friend's boss, I disliked her attitude (the boss) right away. However, I can't be truthful in saying that I didn't like my friend's boss - so I chose to be nice.

Voted "nice person" on the poll.

[NoemiChan]

Originally Posted by Liddo-kun

Approximately a year ago, a friend invited me to work part time for a certain group. Though upon meeting and talking with my friend's boss, I disliked her attitude (the boss) right away. However, I can't be truthful in saying that I didn't like my friend's boss - so I chose to be nice.

Voted "nice person" on the poll.

Question:

Did either your boss or friend ask you to tell her or you friend if she (the boss) is nice?

[SummeryDreams]

I'd choose trustworthy. I'd rather be with someone who's not so nice, rather than being with someone who's overly nice with everyone to a point of cheating with me. (relationship scenario)

[SeaDragon]

I would rather have someone who is truthful, since I really value honesty - if I had a friend who only told me lies (what I want to hear) then our friendship, to me, is fake.

I can't stand liars... I don't mean little lies, but I used to know someone who lied to me about everything just to be "nice" and then once they got tired of lying, everything pretty much came crashing down.

Liars are terrible to deal with... honesty ftw. I don't want fake relationships with people, I want to know what they truly think of me.

(I mean, no one is 100% nice or 100% honest, but yeah... I'd rather know someone was honest over knowing someone who was shady lol)

[Irenicus]

People who ask for honesty are just trying to tell themselves that they're nice enough that others' honesty cannot hurt them. Oh, sweet illusion.

What? Can't handle the truth? Biatch pls, I'm just being honest.

#HatingOnPeople

[HasuMasu]

Maybe it's the <<Martial Arts>> in me talking, but I really don't like choosing between A and B.

If I had to choose it'd be: <<nice>>.

Just because people are honest doesn't mean they're telling the truth, so by that measure people can't be trusted regardless of honesty.

[Triple_R]

This is a side-issue, but I really have to wonder at somebody who asks "Do I look fat in this?"

People must know by now that this is the go-to example for "when to be dishonest".

So the person who asks "Do I look fat in this?" must either be looking to have someone support a false hope while knowing deep down it's a false hope, or they're hoping for complete honesty in one of the most unlikely situations to find it.

I suppose it could be a way to test the honesty of a prospective partner. In which case, giving the sweet but dishonest answer might actually be the wrong thing to do, in spite of what many of us have been led to believe.

[monster]

Well, there are probably days when they don't feel good about themselves and are just seeking confirmation from their loved ones that they're being too overly critical about their own bodies.

[HasuMasu]

Your choice of clothes can make you look fat and the other way around, so I take the question at face value.

[grylsyjaeger]

'If you can't say something nice, say something clever but devastating.'


I'm basically paid to be a jerk and you just have to be brutally honest in my line of work.