Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[deathcurse]

Fealty is now on Fanfiction.net ^^. No real changes other than a few words here and there, and a slightly extended author's note XD.

Originally Posted by Moczo

Spoiler for Fealty Response:

Well... positive in a sad way? Hayate got her family through in one piece, and that was certainly heartwarming. But she was also obviously traumatized by the way the mission went, and Zafira ended up... not exactly maimed, but diminished, certainly. That's probably where the sad comes from.

Spoiler for Response to response:

Thanks for the feedback there! I'm glad that the emotions came through, I feared that since I didn't spend much time on that that it might not have been expressed clearly in the fic.

Originally Posted by AtomicoX

Spoiler for The Illusion of True Power (A commentary on a certain shafted character):

You had so much potential. You were so much more powerful than you could imagine. Your dedication to serve and protect was stronger than in most.

And now you have reached a position of power few could even set their eyes upon. Under your command stand the best of the best, expecting your brilliant mind to come up with strategies that will earn you honor and glory in the doing.

But was that truly what you sought? Was that really what you wanted back then?

Power can be mischievous, even for those who know how to control it. It brings you authority few can have, but it also brings choices you would have wished you wouldn’t have to take.

You use this power to influence those around you, and to command those beneath you. If they fall in battle, it is your responsibility to bring their contribution into history. It is up to you to tell their tale.

Is that really what you wanted?

In your mind, it was probably something different than this. Yet, you still failed to see what it would bring. You are chained to a chair by the chains of command, forced to give the orders to those beneath you, from those above you. Whether you approve of those orders or not, is not up to you.

You are now merely a tool for a greater power.

Is this how you want to end?

You have a much greater purpose, one that many fail to see. Your power of command is an illusion for the true power lurking inside, that was once set free so many years ago. That power is what will ascend you to a greatness seldom seen in this world, if you are able to fully confide in it and to break the shackles that hold you in place.

Wouldn’t you much rather use this power to stand on the lines with your Knights and your soldiers, fighting the battle together with them, than being an observer? To use the true power of your being, not to serve and to protect, but to conquer and to protect?

Isn’t that your true purpose, Hayate?

I really liked the line about how she has to tell their tale if they fall in battle...it shows a lot of character, since she could easily just keep them as a name in some mission record, but as a good commander she'd have to be responsible to make sure that they get the recognition they deserve.

I love the irony of how instead of being a maker of change, Hayate views herself as a tool (whether she's correct in that assessment or not) and powerless.

Something small...the word "conquer" in the second to last sentence gave me a mood whiplash, as conquer is usually used in a slightly more overpowering, ruthless and devastating way (so negative connotations), while Hayate seems to be trying to express a desire to beat the bad guys up with her power (something that kind of has good connotations). It's not a big deal, just something kind of surprising as I was reading . If you chose the word "conquer" deliberately then it's definitely changing what I thought about Hayate's feelings here .

Originally Posted by Thunderbird

A fic I wrote while intoxicated. Yeah I know thats not a good thing since alcohol never really mixes with anything...but anyway

Spoiler for Whiskey Lullaby:

"Finally" Fate mused to herself "After 2 years, I finally get to go home. I wonder how Nanoha is doing? I hope she hasnt gotten herself into any trouble hehe~"

She stepped out of the taxi that took her home from the starport and paid the driver before looking at the building that she called home. She took a deep breath as if to reminice about all that happened, also to prepare herself to surprise Nanoha. She hadn't seen her lover in so long, it took all her power to keep herself from just busting through the door. She cleared her throat and slowly stepped into the house.

"Odd" the blond thought as she walked in "I wonder why the house is unlocked if there is no one inside" she stepped in and looked around at the all-too-familiar building. She couldnt help but smile at herself when she looked at the pictures of all the fond memories.

She heard a noise coming from upstairs and grinned to herself thinking that it would be the best chance to sneak up on her lover with a surprise attack from the bedroom. She slowly crepped up the stairs and situated herself in front of the door, taking a deep breath before bracing herself and sliding the door open

"...!" Her eyes went wide with disbelief at what she had seen.

Nanoha was on the bed...with Yuuno

"...!" Nanoha gasped in surprise as Fate entered her view. She quickly got off Yuuno and stared back in utter shock

Fate slowly sighed deeply before turning on her heels and walked downstairs and out the door.

"Fate-chan!" Nanoha ran after the blond, but to no avail. By the time she had gotten outside the door, Fate had already taken to the air, despite the 'No flying in city limits' rule and was soon out of sight.

~She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette~
~She broke his heart, he spent his whole life tryin' to forget~

"Come on, Tea!" Subaru called out as she dragged her friend "Its a nice bar I found while you were out on your mission! I promise it will be fun! We can even-" the energetic girl stopped when she saw a familiar face

"What is wrong Subaru?" Teana asked and followed the girl's gaze towards the table. There, siting all alone with numerous empty glasses surrounding her, was Fate

The two girls looked at each other

~We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time~

"Fate-san?" Teana walked up to the enforcer who was still in uniform

"..." Fate responded only by gripping her glass harder and tilted her head back far and literally inhaled the tall glass of alcohol that the bartender had given her.

"Fate-san!" Subaru tried to intervene and remove the bottle, but was only pushed back by the tears that fell from the blond's face during the quick struggle.

The blond got up when the music changed and walked over to the dance floor and started dancing herself away.

"Fate-san..." the two girls could do nothing but watch as the enforcer slowly got more and more bold with her techniques, getting her to borderline misconduct.

The bartender, noticing that she was going to cause problems, asked the drunk blond to leave. Fate only retaliated and started arguing. Eventually it got to the point where it took several people to throw her out of the club.

~But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind~
~Until the night~

Teana and Subaru ran up to the older woman and picked her up off the ground. The two took her to a nearby hotel and rented a room. They dragged her onto the bed and stood watch to make sure things were ok

"Fate-san...what happened?" Subaru finally broke the silence and looked down worried.

"Leave..." the blond held her head and forced herelf to sit up

"But-"

"Leave!" she barked out half in anger...half in despair.

"Subaru..." Teana tapped her friend's shoulder "let's go." She turned to the enforcer "We'll come back tomorrow to see how you are doing, Fate-san" she pulled her partner out the door and bowed before closing it lightly.

~He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger~
~And finally drank away her memory~

Fate opened the communicator to the front desk.

"Yes, may I help you?" the receptionist responded

"Get me all the alcohol you have" Fate ordered

"Are you sure? You look like you've had enough alrea-"

"Just do it!" she shouted "I just want a few more."

The receptionist paused a little bit before nodding slowly and sending several bottles to the door.

~Life is short but this time it was bigger~

Fate continued drinking the whole night. The image of what she saw forever haunting her mind. She tried to question herself: Was she lacking? Did she do something wrong? Was she not enough? Why?

"Keh" she spat out the cork of the next bottle before putting it to her lips and throwing her head back.

She tried to get angry at Nanoha. She tried to get angry at Yuuno. She tried to get angry period...but she couldnt bring herself to do it. She knew deep down, that no matter what...she would never be able to hate them.

"Its all my fault..." she told herself and continued pounding away at the alcohol. "Its all my fault..." she kept repeating the whole night.

~Than the strength he had to get up off his knees~

"Fate-chan" Hayate knocked on the hotel door several days later. She had gotten the report from Teana that her friend would be there after what seemed to be a bad night. It would have been ok, but the blond hadn't reported it at all. "Fate-chan?" she repeated when no answer came.

"How may I help you?" The receptionist answered when Hayate pressed the "Service" button

"I am Yagami, Hayate. Commander of Riot Force VI. I would like you to open this door so I can talk to one of my friends."

"One moment please"

The door opened and the short haired girl stepped in. She was stopped by the heavy odor of alcohol. She covered her nose and continued to walk in.

"Fate-chan?" she looked around and almost fell when she stepped on a bottle. The commander looked down and her eyes widened when the floor was literally covered in glass.

Her eyes scanned the room a lot more quickly as she made her way to the bedroom area. What she saw when she entered stunned her

"Fate-chan!!"

~We found him with his face down in the pillow~
~With a note that said I'll love her till I die~

"Nanoha-chan..." Hayate went over to the Takamachi residence just over an hour later. She didnt quite know how to break it to one of her best freinds.

"Hayate-chan?" The instructor welcomed her friend in and brought her to the couch. "What is it?"

The commander took a deep breath and looked her collegue in the eyes "Its about Fate-chan..."
The mention of the name made Nanoha's eyes widen and begin shaking. Yet, she remained silent and let her friend finish what was to be said.

"Nanoha-chan..." Hayate repeated "did something happen between you and Fate-chan?"

"..." she looked down at her lap and fought the tears back for several moments before finally maintaining enough control to speak "We...had a fight. I want to appologize to her today for it."

"Nanoha-chan..." Hayate grit her teeth as she steeled herself to break out the news. "Fate-chan..." she found herself about to cry, it took all her power to maintain herself as the brought herself to say the last two words "...is dead."

"...!" Nanoha's head rose with incredible speed at those words. Her jaw dropped as she stared at Hayate, wishing that the girl in front of her would soon say 'I'm kidding'

"I'm sorry..."

~And when we buried him beneath the willow~
~The angels sang a whiskey lullaby~

~xX*Xx~

~The rumors flew but nobody know how much she blamed herself~

Looking at Takamachi, Nanoha now made someone feel very sad. The girl was never the same since that day, she had lost a part of her that she could never replace...and she got rid of it...with her own two hands.

People began to speculate just exactly what happened. Rumors started to rise saying that she was cheating on Fate, saying that she was unsatisfied with how the enforcer was living her life, saying that Nanoha had just been lonely and offered herself to many others...

~For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath~
~She finally drank her pain away a little at a time~

"She is getting progressively worse..." Signum stated as she watched her friend and former Ace look around to make sure no one was around her before slipping a shot of alcohol to her lips.

"I didnt think the impact would last this long." Hayate rubbed her head "I tried everything I could, and I thought she was getting better." She spoke through a communication monitor "but I guess she was only fooling me."

"So it would seem, mistress..."

~But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind~
~Until the night~

Nanoha sat on her bed all alone that night with a bottle in her hand. Her home was the only place that she could drink in solitude without Hayate knowing about it. However the house was a double edged sword. Everything in the house held nothing but memories of the woman she loved with all her heart. Her eyes began to form tears as she reached over next to her bed and carefully propped up a picture that she had placed face down in years...

~She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger~
~And finally drank away his memory~

She walked over to her fridge and grabbed everything in it along with a single glass. Her heart continued to ache and all she could think of to help reduce the pain...was to drown it.

"I'm so sorry, Fate-chan..." she said aloud to the empty room between her tears "I'm so sorry..."

She hugged her knees tightly for several moments before reaching to the table and grabbing a bottle and bringing it to her lips.

~Life is short but this time it was bigger~
~Than the strength she had to get up off her knees~

She looked at the picture in her hand. The picture that had Fate smiling brightly...the picture that Nanoha herself had taken of Fate during their last christmas together. She couldnt hold back anymore. She broke down completely, letting go of the bottle in her other hand.

"Rhaaa!!!" she screamed at the top of her lungs and began to throw the bottles around hoping that it would quell her anguish in some way. She didnt care anymore...after several years of trying to fight it...she just had enough.

~We found her with her face down in the pillow~
~Clinging to his picture for dear life~

"Nanoha-chan?" Hayate called from the door the next day. Signum and Shamal accompanied thier master as a precaution. "Nanoha-chan?"

She nodded at Signum, who broke down the door and cleared the way into the Takamachi residence.

"Nanoha-chan?" Shamal called out as the rest of them stepped in. "Klarer Wind" she looked at her rings "Please let me know if anyone is here."

[No living beings detected] it responded [However, there is someone else here]

Hayate's eyes widened "Signum!" she called out

"Understood mistress" the sword knight transformed into her armor and dashed upstairs at full speed.

"Did you find her?!" Hayate called out as the finally caught up.

Signum stood motionless at the doorway for several moments before slowly stepping aside to allow her master to look inside the bedroom.

"Nanoha-chan..."

~We laid her next to him beneath the willow~
~While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby~

"Nanoha-chan...Fate-chan..." Hayate looked at the two gravestones next to each other. "I wish this had never come to be. I wish I was able to prevent this. I'm so sorry." she bowed deeply "I have failed as your commander and as your friend. I dont think you could ever forgive me...but I am truly sorry."

She slowly raised her head and turned around to nod to her Guardian Knights. The Wolkenritter, understanding the meaning, moved away from earshot and stood guard around the area.

"I hope you two finally meet each other again and settle things properly. I miss you both already." She placed the flowers down on both graves.

"Good bye...my dear friends..."

Nanya wanted me to post it. And I figured the mistress wanted a little...something involved >.>

Spoiler for Response may have spoilers...:

I love how you had Fate just sadly walk away when she walked in on Nanoha and Yuuno, instead of some uber-dramatic confrontation or mad storming out. I also really liked how Fate tried to get angry at them, but she couldn't. It's wonderful to see that even though Fate's mad and heartbroken, she still didn't forget that Nanoha and Yuuno have been her loyal, close friends for a long time. It makes the whole situation more tragic.

Describing the house as a double-edged sword was great, it was a really powerful line for me ^^.

It's kind of morbidly funny, how Hayate blames herself for Nanoha and Fate's deaths in the very end .....is Death going three for three Aces? More seriously though, Hayate's line "I miss you both already" made me tear up .

EDIT:

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

I hate to say how much I agree with you. XD My writing flow is still a little off because I'm a tad burned out from bio class. It was just a random short I wanted to post so I could avoid the flood of "Thanatos? Why is her Device named Thanatos?" questions I might have gotten when I started the short story I have in mind (sometime this year). Of course, I'll probably end up having to explain it again anyway since I honestly don't like how this short came out, so I won't put it up on "Shadowfire".

Heh, it's kind of a different standard I have for you, compared to what I have for other people . I'm glad I didn't come off too harsh , as the fic did serve its purpose well .

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by deathcurse

Heh, it's kind of a different standard I have for you, compared to what I have for other people . I'm glad I didn't come off too harsh , as the fic did serve its purpose well .

Nah, it's fine, it's fine. A critique is a critique, and you made a good point. Maybe I can take that piece and polish it a bit, perhaps put it in as a segment of the story I have in mind. It doesn't do the job as well when it's just a stand-alone drabble.

[NorthernFallout]

Originally Posted by deathcurse

I love the irony of how instead of being a maker of change, Hayate views herself as a tool (whether she's correct in that assessment or not) and powerless.

Be aware of the perspective this short is told from. While it could be a monologue inside Hayate's head (as your quote above would suggest), it is also in Omni 3rd person.

I hadn't actually thought of the former possibility though.

Something small...the word "conquer" in the second to last sentence gave me a mood whiplash, as conquer is usually used in a slightly more overpowering, ruthless and devastating way (so negative connotations), while Hayate seems to be trying to express a desire to beat the bad guys up with her power (something that kind of has good connotations). It's not a big deal, just something kind of surprising as I was reading . If you chose the word "conquer" deliberately then it's definitely changing what I thought about Hayate's feelings here .

I jumped back and forth on this and eventually got stuck, going with "conquer". It gave too much of the feeling you are suggesting, so you are quite right.

I think my initial meaning was "to truly command" (given Hayate's general personality, without the tyrannical undertones) or something to that extent. Not sure myself tbh.

[Nanya01]

Spoiler for More Changes:

After seeing Fate leave with Arf, Linith shook her head and started cleaning up the penthouse. Fate didn't make much of a mess and Arf was mindful as well, but the place still got dusty and sometimes the girls, including Alicia, weren't always mindful of where they dropped their clothes.

"Linith..." She turned as her master called her. "I think we're out of vegetables."

The catgirl sweat-dropped slightly as she looked in the kitchen, Alicia was wearing her dark shirt and pants combo with a white lab coat over top them and her hair was hanging loose down her back, when asked, Linith would just say that she liked the clothing. "I thought I told you not to wear that coat in the kitchen."

"Linith..." Alicia whined and pouted at her. "I just like the coat, besides, it's not like I can do much on just one Jewel Seed as it is."

Linith sighed softly. "I'll go get some vegetables, but you..." She pulled out a straw broom and used it to shoo the blond out of the kitchen. "Out, out, out... This is my kitchen!"

Alicia rolled her eyes, who knew that her familiar was so possessive of the kitchen?

(---)

Looking at the girl in white, Fate had to wonder just why she was trying to gather the Jewel Seeds, power perhaps? Or maybe she just wanted to use them for some nefarious purpose? Either way, it really didn't matter. "It's too bad..." She said softly as she looked to the side. This place was quite beautiful, she didn't want to fight over it. "I thought you would have learned your lesson last time."

The girl frowned at her. "Listen! Just tell me what you want with the Jewel Seeds!"

"No, you listen!" Fate snapped and pointed Bardiche at the girl as she frowned at her. "I don't know what you want the Lost Logias for, but I cannot allow you to use them for whatever reason you want them for."

"What?" The girl looked stunned as Arf, in her human form, laughed at her.

"Oh, look, she's confused..." The redheaded wolfgirl grinned saucily and seemed to slink forward a bit before seemingly teleporting behind the girl and cupping her chin to turn the small girl's head to make her look up at Arf. "Maybe after my master's done with you, I'll keep you as a personal pet." She grinned, though she was slightly confused as to why the girl blushed, even as her eyes seemingly shrunk in fear.

"Enough, Arf." Fate shook her head, getting the familiar to let the girl go. "I would rather not fight you again, I might not stop myself from hurting you badly."

The girl shook her head and jumped away from Arf to look at the two of them warily. "Listen! I just want to know why you're collecting the Jewel Seeds."

"You don't need to know." Fate shook her head. "Arf... Go ahead and play with her."

"Goodie." Arf smirked as she shifted to her wolf form. "I'm going to enjoy this!" She lept at the girl, only to crash into a barrier. "What the?" She could feel a teleporting feel. "Oh no..." She groaned, as soon as Linith heard about her getting teleported away by another familiar, the catgirl was going to tie her up outside in her human form for the night.

Fate chuckled softly as she looked at the bewildered girl. "I'll tell you what..." She floated to the ground as Bardiche shifted to scythe form. "If you can defeat me in combat, I'll tell you what I want the Jewel Seeds for."

The girl nodded and gripped her device tightly.

'It won't matter.' Fate thought to herself as she got into a stance herself. 'She's just got a lot of magical power, but no skill.'

(---)

Yuuno grimaced, the wolf familiar was strong, he had to admit, but a little too overzealous. "So what was up with you grabbing Nanoha like that for?"

The wolf chuckled as she tried to grab at the ferret again. "Upset that I would touch your master like that?"

"She's not my master!" Yuuno shot back and used some binding magic to wrap the wolf's legs up and cause her to fall down. "She's my friend."

Arf growled at the ferret. If she didn't get things under control, Linith wouldn't let her hear the end of it. "You..." She growled as she broke the binds a moment later. "Get back here!"

Arf chased the ferret around a bit until they got back to the battlefield, just in time to see Fate pointing her scythe at the neck of the other girl.

"Put out." A feminine voice was heard as a Jewel Seed was expunged from the device.

"Your Intelligent Device cares for you." Fate said as she took the Jewel Seed and turned. "...If you must know, my name is Fate Testarossa." She turned and smiled at the wolf as she walked up to the two girls and shifted to her human form. "Let's go, Arf."

"Bye bye!" Arf taunted the ferret and girl in white as the two flew away.

Nanoha sighed softly after seeing them leave. "She's really strong..." For some reason, the thought of facing her again didn't scare her.

If anything, she wanted to fight that girl again, to push herself to her limits and find out what she could do when the chips were down. It was too bad that she didn't know why the girl wanted the Jewel Seeds. But she had the feeling that she'd find out soon enough.

Spoiler for Read this after reading the above part:

Yeah, I copied canon here, don't like doing that, but, I couldn't think of any real way to change it.

And, hey, new look for Alicia.

[ninryu]

Originally Posted by Nanya01

Spoiler for More Changes:

After seeing Fate leave with Arf, Linith shook her head and started cleaning up the penthouse. Fate didn't make much of a mess and Arf was mindful as well, but the place still got dusty and sometimes the girls, including Alicia, weren't always mindful of where they dropped their clothes.

"Linith..." She turned as her master called her. "I think we're out of vegetables."

The catgirl sweat-dropped slightly as she looked in the kitchen, Alicia was wearing her dark shirt and pants combo with a white lab coat over top them and her hair was hanging loose down her back, when asked, Linith would just say that she liked the clothing. "I thought I told you not to wear that coat in the kitchen."

"Linith..." Alicia whined and pouted at her. "I just like the coat, besides, it's not like I can do much on just one Jewel Seed as it is."

Linith sighed softly. "I'll go get some vegetables, but you..." She pulled out a straw broom and used it to shoo the blond out of the kitchen. "Out, out, out... This is my kitchen!"

Alicia rolled her eyes, who knew that her familiar was so possessive of the kitchen?

(---)

Looking at the girl in white, Fate had to wonder just why she was trying to gather the Jewel Seeds, power perhaps? Or maybe she just wanted to use them for some nefarious purpose? Either way, it really didn't matter. "It's too bad..." She said softly as she looked to the side. This place was quite beautiful, she didn't want to fight over it. "I thought you would have learned your lesson last time."

The girl frowned at her. "Listen! Just tell me what you want with the Jewel Seeds!"

"No, you listen!" Fate snapped and pointed Bardiche at the girl as she frowned at her. "I don't know what you want the Lost Logias for, but I cannot allow you to use them for whatever reason you want them for."

"What?" The girl looked stunned as Arf, in her human form, laughed at her.

"Oh, look, she's confused..." The redheaded wolfgirl grinned saucily and seemed to slink forward a bit before seemingly teleporting behind the girl and cupping her chin to turn the small girl's head to make her look up at Arf. "Maybe after my master's done with you, I'll keep you as a personal pet." She grinned, though she was slightly confused as to why the girl blushed, even as her eyes seemingly shrunk in fear.

"Enough, Arf." Fate shook her head, getting the familiar to let the girl go. "I would rather not fight you again, I might not stop myself from hurting you badly."

The girl shook her head and jumped away from Arf to look at the two of them warily. "Listen! I just want to know why you're collecting the Jewel Seeds."

"You don't need to know." Fate shook her head. "Arf... Go ahead and play with her."

"Goodie." Arf smirked as she shifted to her wolf form. "I'm going to enjoy this!" She lept at the girl, only to crash into a barrier. "What the?" She could feel a teleporting feel. "Oh no..." She groaned, as soon as Linith heard about her getting teleported away by another familiar, the catgirl was going to tie her up outside in her human form for the night.

Fate chuckled softly as she looked at the bewildered girl. "I'll tell you what..." She floated to the ground as Bardiche shifted to scythe form. "If you can defeat me in combat, I'll tell you what I want the Jewel Seeds for."

The girl nodded and gripped her device tightly.

'It won't matter.' Fate thought to herself as she got into a stance herself. 'She's just got a lot of magical power, but no skill.'

(---)

Yuuno grimaced, the wolf familiar was strong, he had to admit, but a little too overzealous. "So what was up with you grabbing Nanoha like that for?"

The wolf chuckled as she tried to grab at the ferret again. "Upset that I would touch your master like that?"

"She's not my master!" Yuuno shot back and used some binding magic to wrap the wolf's legs up and cause her to fall down. "She's my friend."

Arf growled at the ferret. If she didn't get things under control, Linith wouldn't let her hear the end of it. "You..." She growled as she broke the binds a moment later. "Get back here!"

Arf chased the ferret around a bit until they got back to the battlefield, just in time to see Fate pointing her scythe at the neck of the other girl.

"Put out." A feminine voice was heard as a Jewel Seed was expunged from the device.

"Your Intelligent Device cares for you." Fate said as she took the Jewel Seed and turned. "...If you must know, my name is Fate Testarossa." She turned and smiled at the wolf as she walked up to the two girls and shifted to her human form. "Let's go, Arf."

"Bye bye!" Arf taunted the ferret and girl in white as the two flew away.

Nanoha sighed softly after seeing them leave. "She's really strong..." For some reason, the thought of facing her again didn't scare her.

If anything, she wanted to fight that girl again, to push herself to her limits and find out what she could do when the chips were down. It was too bad that she didn't know why the girl wanted the Jewel Seeds. But she had the feeling that she'd find out soon enough.

Spoiler for Read this after reading the above part:

Yeah, I copied canon here, don't like doing that, but, I couldn't think of any real way to change it.

And, hey, new look for Alicia.

MOAR. *puppyeyes*

[deathcurse]

Originally Posted by AtomicoX

Be aware of the perspective this short is told from. While it could be a monologue inside Hayate's head (as your quote above would suggest), it is also in Omni 3rd person.

I hadn't actually thought of the former possibility though.

I actually thought of it as a 2nd person story, since you're using "You", making me think that it's Hayate thinking to herself (although we're in Hayate's shoes during all this). But yeah, the last line would blur that line a little....are we in Hayate's shoes, but having a third party speaking to us/Hayate?

I jumped back and forth on this and eventually got stuck, going with "conquer". It gave too much of the feeling you are suggesting, so you are quite right.

I think my initial meaning was "to truly command" (given Hayate's general personality, without the tyrannical undertones) or something to that extent. Not sure myself tbh.

Why don't you use the word "command" then? It gives her power over making her own decisions (as opposed to "serve" used earlier), but command is more neutral than conquer, but it does still keep some vague undertones of a potentially tyrannical Hayate .

Originally Posted by Nanya01

Spoiler for More Changes:

After seeing Fate leave with Arf, Linith shook her head and started cleaning up the penthouse. Fate didn't make much of a mess and Arf was mindful as well, but the place still got dusty and sometimes the girls, including Alicia, weren't always mindful of where they dropped their clothes.

"Linith..." She turned as her master called her. "I think we're out of vegetables."

The catgirl sweat-dropped slightly as she looked in the kitchen, Alicia was wearing her dark shirt and pants combo with a white lab coat over top them and her hair was hanging loose down her back, when asked, Linith would just say that she liked the clothing. "I thought I told you not to wear that coat in the kitchen."

"Linith..." Alicia whined and pouted at her. "I just like the coat, besides, it's not like I can do much on just one Jewel Seed as it is."

Linith sighed softly. "I'll go get some vegetables, but you..." She pulled out a straw broom and used it to shoo the blond out of the kitchen. "Out, out, out... This is my kitchen!"

Alicia rolled her eyes, who knew that her familiar was so possessive of the kitchen?

(---)

Looking at the girl in white, Fate had to wonder just why she was trying to gather the Jewel Seeds, power perhaps? Or maybe she just wanted to use them for some nefarious purpose? Either way, it really didn't matter. "It's too bad..." She said softly as she looked to the side. This place was quite beautiful, she didn't want to fight over it. "I thought you would have learned your lesson last time."

The girl frowned at her. "Listen! Just tell me what you want with the Jewel Seeds!"

"No, you listen!" Fate snapped and pointed Bardiche at the girl as she frowned at her. "I don't know what you want the Lost Logias for, but I cannot allow you to use them for whatever reason you want them for."

"What?" The girl looked stunned as Arf, in her human form, laughed at her.

"Oh, look, she's confused..." The redheaded wolfgirl grinned saucily and seemed to slink forward a bit before seemingly teleporting behind the girl and cupping her chin to turn the small girl's head to make her look up at Arf. "Maybe after my master's done with you, I'll keep you as a personal pet." She grinned, though she was slightly confused as to why the girl blushed, even as her eyes seemingly shrunk in fear.

"Enough, Arf." Fate shook her head, getting the familiar to let the girl go. "I would rather not fight you again, I might not stop myself from hurting you badly."

The girl shook her head and jumped away from Arf to look at the two of them warily. "Listen! I just want to know why you're collecting the Jewel Seeds."

"You don't need to know." Fate shook her head. "Arf... Go ahead and play with her."

"Goodie." Arf smirked as she shifted to her wolf form. "I'm going to enjoy this!" She lept at the girl, only to crash into a barrier. "What the?" She could feel a teleporting feel. "Oh no..." She groaned, as soon as Linith heard about her getting teleported away by another familiar, the catgirl was going to tie her up outside in her human form for the night.

Fate chuckled softly as she looked at the bewildered girl. "I'll tell you what..." She floated to the ground as Bardiche shifted to scythe form. "If you can defeat me in combat, I'll tell you what I want the Jewel Seeds for."

The girl nodded and gripped her device tightly.

'It won't matter.' Fate thought to herself as she got into a stance herself. 'She's just got a lot of magical power, but no skill.'

(---)

Yuuno grimaced, the wolf familiar was strong, he had to admit, but a little too overzealous. "So what was up with you grabbing Nanoha like that for?"

The wolf chuckled as she tried to grab at the ferret again. "Upset that I would touch your master like that?"

"She's not my master!" Yuuno shot back and used some binding magic to wrap the wolf's legs up and cause her to fall down. "She's my friend."

Arf growled at the ferret. If she didn't get things under control, Linith wouldn't let her hear the end of it. "You..." She growled as she broke the binds a moment later. "Get back here!"

Arf chased the ferret around a bit until they got back to the battlefield, just in time to see Fate pointing her scythe at the neck of the other girl.

"Put out." A feminine voice was heard as a Jewel Seed was expunged from the device.

"Your Intelligent Device cares for you." Fate said as she took the Jewel Seed and turned. "...If you must know, my name is Fate Testarossa." She turned and smiled at the wolf as she walked up to the two girls and shifted to her human form. "Let's go, Arf."

"Bye bye!" Arf taunted the ferret and girl in white as the two flew away.

Nanoha sighed softly after seeing them leave. "She's really strong..." For some reason, the thought of facing her again didn't scare her.

If anything, she wanted to fight that girl again, to push herself to her limits and find out what she could do when the chips were down. It was too bad that she didn't know why the girl wanted the Jewel Seeds. But she had the feeling that she'd find out soon enough.

Spoiler for Read this after reading the above part:

Yeah, I copied canon here, don't like doing that, but, I couldn't think of any real way to change it.

And, hey, new look for Alicia.

Ah, so this is going to retell the entirety of Season 1? I didn't like the canon mimicry here much too, but maybe you could off-set it by changing Fate's reactions towards her motivation a little? In canon, she wanted to please Precia by bringing all the Seeds back, since she never got any affection from her mother. But here, Fate's doing this to please Alicia but she still gets lots of love from Alicia--how might that fact change how Fate reacts to Nanoha, or during their fights? At the same time, there's an added motivation of "I want to save Grandma so that Grandma will like me/be happy and so that I can make Mom happy" that could possibly make Fate more determined and single-minded, etc.

I do like how Arf's acting though, I can't see her upbeat, taunting attitude changing despite the new setting XD. Indeed, I can see her being more bold since she doesn't have to watch her mouth to protect Fate .

[NorthernFallout]

Originally Posted by deathcurse

I actually thought of it as a 2nd person story, since you're using "You", making me think that it's Hayate thinking to herself (although we're in Hayate's shoes during all this)

Good point.

Why don't you use the word "command" then? It gives her power over making her own decisions (as opposed to "serve" used earlier), but command is more neutral than conquer, but it does still keep some vague undertones of a potentially tyrannical Hayate .

Fair. Edited.

[SilentOutlaw]

Spoiler for Prologue to Space Rebel!Nanoha:

Her eyes widened in surprise as everything froze. A plume of smoke rose from the tip of the Durandal. “W-what did you just do?!” Chrono exclaimed as he stared horrified at his mentor, Gil Graham.

“The right thing, Chrono. It may be unfair for that child but it’s better for her to be remembered as a hero rather than the owner of that cursed tome that has claimed many” Graham answered easily. “Now it’ll never take another life again. There won’t be any more little boys crying for their fathers.”

“You’re wrong, Admiral. There will always be people who have lost their loved
ones. What you did here, right now crossed the line. This could have been solved another way!” Chrono yelled angrily.

“No, it couldn’t have. You’re still young Chrono that childish optimism could not have come from the adult you pretend to be. There was no other way; I’ve spent years on this, ever since I let your father die. What is one life compared to the thousands I just saved. If the TSAB operated this way the universe would be a much safer place, no one would have to worry about a strange device appearing and killing them all. Why don’t you understand that, Chrono?”

“How can you be so calm after making a young girl suffer for what may be eternity?”

“Because I know I made the right decision. Now, if you’re not going to do anything but question me, then I’ll be taking my leave. I advise you to do the same” With that Graham turned Durandal back into its card form before he was suddenly beamed back onto his ship.

This left Chrono staring at the space Graham once occupied. Unsure of what to do now Chrono just stared. He never thought his mentor was capable of something like this. He wasn’t even sure if what Graham did was the right thing or if there was actually another way. Although he knew one thing for certain, Nanoha would not be pleased.

Spoiler for Author Notes:

A/N: And that ends the rather short prologue into this AU. The next chapter will take place a couple of years after this one.
Yes, you can expect things to get much, much, worse than this.
Next chapter will include:
Nanoha, Fate, Amy, Lindy, and extremely minor characters Alex and Randy’s first appearances in the story.
Subplots.
???
No Profit!

Wrote that when I was bored and had no internet, I got the basic idea from Starcraft.

[Tiresias]

Originally Posted by SilentOutlaw

Spoiler for Prologue to Space Rebel!Nanoha:

Her eyes widened in surprise as everything froze. A plume of smoke rose from the tip of the Durandal. “W-what did you just do?!” Chrono exclaimed as he stared horrified at his mentor, Gil Graham.

“The right thing, Chrono. It may be unfair for that child but it’s better for her to be remembered as a hero rather than the owner of that cursed tome that has claimed many” Graham answered easily. “Now it’ll never take another life again. There won’t be any more little boys crying for their fathers.”

“You’re wrong, Admiral. There will always be people who have lost their loved
ones. What you did here, right now crossed the line. This could have been solved another way!” Chrono yelled angrily.

“No, it couldn’t have. You’re still young Chrono that childish optimism could not have come from the adult you pretend to be. There was no other way; I’ve spent years on this, ever since I let your father die. What is one life compared to the thousands I just saved. If the TSAB operated this way the universe would be a much safer place, no one would have to worry about a strange device appearing and killing them all. Why don’t you understand that, Chrono?”

“How can you be so calm after making a young girl suffer for what may be eternity?”

“Because I know I made the right decision. Now, if you’re not going to do anything but question me, then I’ll be taking my leave. I advise you to do the same” With that Graham turned Durandal back into its card form before he was suddenly beamed back onto his ship.

This left Chrono staring at the space Graham once occupied. Unsure of what to do now Chrono just stared. He never thought his mentor was capable of something like this. He wasn’t even sure if what Graham did was the right thing or if there was actually another way. Although he knew one thing for certain, Nanoha would not be pleased.

Spoiler for Author Notes:

A/N: And that ends the rather short prologue into this AU. The next chapter will take place a couple of years after this one.
Yes, you can expect things to get much, much, worse than this.
Next chapter will include:
Nanoha, Fate, Amy, Lindy, and extremely minor characters Alex and Randy’s first appearances in the story.
Subplots.
???
No Profit!

A very minor suggestion:

Spoiler for see bolded red:

“No, it couldn’t have. You’re still young Chrono - that childish optimism could not have come from the adult you pretend to be. There was no other way; I’ve spent years on this, ever since I let your father die. What is one life compared to the thousands I just saved?

Wrote that when I was bored and had no internet, I got the basic idea from Starcraft.

No wonder Mengsk's slimy face was the first to pop out of my mind

Taking this idea of yours further, I see?

Spoiler for from Manga Discussion:

Originally Posted by SilentOutlaw

Chrono maybe? Graham can be Mengsk. Oh and Amy can be Ariel Hanson, Nanoha can be Horner and Fate ca-

*is shot multiple times with Diabolic Emission*

Hayate: No more! I'm sick of being evil.

Poor Hayate, I blame BetrayerS for her tarnished reputation...

[vic-vic]

And Asura as Hyperion. Good idea, i`ll wait for continuation.

A little short from me.

Spoiler for Duo`s death:

Zest`s breath was raspy and heavy. His hands shaken, partly because of fatigue, partly because of stress.
Before him lay corpses of his old friend and his killer.
Suddenly a two screens appear before him: the left on showed a Jail Scaglietti, a right – brown haired, glass-wearing cyborg.
“Oh no!” Declared Jail. “You killed Duo!”
“You bastard!” Shouted Quattro.

AN: My vision of what get off-screen after Duo`s revelation .

[deathcurse]

A...slightly disturbing idea I got, and wrote about here .

Please respond with SPOILER TAGS!

Spoiler for A Familiar Life...:

A Familiar Life…

What happened?

Nanoha wasn’t sure—she was scared. The last thing she remembered was pain, cold pain that made her shudder as she felt her blood pooling out and melting the snow around her.

Where was she? Nanoha felt so strange. She tried to move her hand, and panicked for a moment when she thought that nothing had happened. But then she felt soft sheets under her fingers, and jerkily raised her head to watch her hand brush her covered stomach. She could feel her heartbeat thumping in her ears, oddly echoing as if she was hearing it second-hand from a distance.

Despite feeling oddly out of place, Nanoha felt…fine. Patting at her chest didn’t reveal the bulge of bandages, so somehow Nanoha had been healed of the injuries she had gotten on that world with…

“Vita-chan!” Nanoha gasped. Was she alright? What—

“Nanoha!” She became aware of Yuuno holding her other hand, clasping her carefully around the magical sensors attached to her. “Don’t move too much yet…you still have to get used to…” His voice wavered. “…to moving again.”

“Again…what?” Nanoha’s eyes widened and she kicked out, nearly crying with relief when her legs moved. So she wasn’t paralyzed… Her foot connected with something hard.

“OW!” Vita sat up from where she had been sleeping on the end of the hospital bed, rubbing her chin where Nanoha had accidentally hit her. “Nanoha, you’re finally awake!”

“You’re okay, Vita-chan!”

“Nanoha,” Yuuno implored, easing her back down onto her pillow, “please, just stay still a little longer until Shamal and I check you over.”

“But I feel fine! A little weird, but I’m great!” Nanoha flexed her fingers, still trying to shake that strange feeling that her limbs were only half under her control. “I have to call my family, they must have been worried…and Fate-chan! Everyone…”

“Nanoha,” Yuuno spoke so urgently that Nanoha had to turn to face him. His green eyes were deeply serious as he told her, “What’s the last thing you remember?”

Blinking, Nanoha furrowed her brow. “The…the accident during the mission. I…I think something stabbed me?” Her eyes widened and she grabbed at her chest again. “But I’m not hurt anymore…how long has it been?”

“It’s been two weeks,” Yuuno replied, although there was an odd note in his voice.

“Only two weeks?” Nanoha gaped. There was no way she could have healed so fast in such a short amount of time… “Did you and Shamal heal me?”

“No, Nanoha-chan,” Shamal said as she hurried in and caught that last sentence. She and Yuuno both called up their magic and started scanning her together. “We didn’t. Please stay still for a minute while we look you over, okay?”

“What’s going on?” Nanoha asked, starting to shake with a combination of annoyance and fear. They were acting so strange around her…the confusion of not knowing made her want to jump out of bed and do something, instead of just lying there. “Can someone please—”

“Nanoha,” a soft, velvety voice spoke nearby. Fate caught onto the bedrail by Nanoha’s head, leaning on it as she smiled down at the brunette. The blonde looked terrible—Fate’s red eyes stood out in her white face, and she appeared in danger of keeling over any second. “I’m so happy you’re alright…”

Shamal caught Fate under the elbow, holding her weight as Fate sagged into her. “Fate, you should still be in bed!”

“Fate-chan, what happened to you?” Nanoha pushed herself upwards, ignoring Yuuno and Shamal’s exclamations. “Did you get hurt too?”

Fate held out a hand, and Nanoha took it, clasping Fate’s weak grip tightly. For some reason, the moment they touched Nanoha felt much better, more relaxed and strong. “It’s nothing Nanoha…I’m just a little tired.”

“Shamal?” Yuuno let his magic sigils die out, glancing at Shamal with a mixture of relief and anguish. “Everything looks fine. It was successful.”

“What was successful?” Nanoha asked fearfully, staring at all of them. She didn’t like the mixed expressions on their faces… “What did you do to me?”

“Nanoha.” Grunting slightly from the effort, Fate leaned over and placed Nanoha’s hand on her chest. Immediately Nanoha blushed at the sensation of Fate’s soft skin under her palm, trying not to shiver at the contact. Fate was warm, her heartbeat light but steady…and Nanoha gasped. She put her other fingers to the pulse on her throat to double check.

“Fate-chan…our heartbeats match.”

An orange blur leapt onto Nanoha’s bed, and Arf padded over in her puppy form, sitting by Nanoha’s ribs. Her blue eyes blinked sleepily as she laid her furry chin on Nanoha’s chest. “Mine too, Nanoha.”

Nanoha stared at her, feeling realization swamping through her mind but she tried to hold it back, to deny it…it can’t be true. Yuuno helped Fate to sit on a stool beside the bed. Fate looked utterly exhausted, dark circles under her eyes from the strain of using lots of magic to…to sustain…

“Nanoha,” Yuuno whispered, knowing that he had to tell her aloud. “You were in a coma for a week. But a week ago…you died.”

No…

“We…we didn’t know what else to do. Then Fate…she saved your life.”

Nanoha wanted to cry, to scream…she wanted to make Yuuno stop, but she couldn’t…she already knew the truth but he had to say it to her. To make it real.

“Nanoha…Fate made you her familiar.”

Spoiler for Author's Note - don't read first or you'll be MAJORLY SPOILED:

Okay, before the screaming starts, I just want to go through my reasoning for why this concept doesn’t break canon as far as I know:

Familiars are animals. But humans are just another kind of animal.

So while we haven’t seen human familiars in Nanoha-verse, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s not possible. I imagine that there might even be laws in the TSAB that forbid it, since part of a familiar’s nature is to be dependent on their master, and possibly to be forcibly loyal/subservient, which could give rise to lots of moral and ethical issues.

I’m not sure if this will be continued, although I may do one or two more parts just to explain more background. This was terribly discomforting to write, as Nanoha came off way more traumatized than I had originally envisioned …

[Nanya01]

Originally Posted by deathcurse

A...slightly disturbing idea I got, and wrote about here .

Please respond with SPOILER TAGS!

Spoiler for A Familiar Life...:

-snip-

Spoiler for Author's Note - don't read first or you'll be MAJORLY SPOILED:

Okay, before the screaming starts, I just want to go through my reasoning for why this concept doesn’t break canon as far as I know:

Familiars are animals. But humans are just another kind of animal.

So while we haven’t seen human familiars in Nanoha-verse, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s not possible. I imagine that there might even be laws in the TSAB that forbid it, since part of a familiar’s nature is to be dependent on their master, and possibly to be forcibly loyal/subservient, which could give rise to lots of moral and ethical issues.

I’m not sure if this will be continued, although I may do one or two more parts just to explain more background. This was terribly discomforting to write, as Nanoha came off way more traumatized than I had originally envisioned …

Spoiler for Response:

Um, wow... Just... Wow...

...

This could be *very* interesting, DC

Oh, and DC, I just couldn't change *that* scene. I don't like to rehash canon. If I'm going to write a fanfic, I want to change how canon works.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by deathcurse

A...slightly disturbing idea I got, and wrote about here .

Please respond with SPOILER TAGS!

Spoiler for A Familiar Life...:

A Familiar Life…

What happened?

Nanoha wasn’t sure—she was scared. The last thing she remembered was pain, cold pain that made her shudder as she felt her blood pooling out and melting the snow around her.

Where was she? Nanoha felt so strange. She tried to move her hand, and panicked for a moment when she thought that nothing had happened. But then she felt soft sheets under her fingers, and jerkily raised her head to watch her hand brush her covered stomach. She could feel her heartbeat thumping in her ears, oddly echoing as if she was hearing it second-hand from a distance.

Despite feeling oddly out of place, Nanoha felt…fine. Patting at her chest didn’t reveal the bulge of bandages, so somehow Nanoha had been healed of the injuries she had gotten on that world with…

“Vita-chan!” Nanoha gasped. Was she alright? What—

“Nanoha!” She became aware of Yuuno holding her other hand, clasping her carefully around the magical sensors attached to her. “Don’t move too much yet…you still have to get used to…” His voice wavered. “…to moving again.”

“Again…what?” Nanoha’s eyes widened and she kicked out, nearly crying with relief when her legs moved. So she wasn’t paralyzed… Her foot connected with something hard.

“OW!” Vita sat up from where she had been sleeping on the end of the hospital bed, rubbing her chin where Nanoha had accidentally hit her. “Nanoha, you’re finally awake!”

“You’re okay, Vita-chan!”

“Nanoha,” Yuuno implored, easing her back down onto her pillow, “please, just stay still a little longer until Shamal and I check you over.”

“But I feel fine! A little weird, but I’m great!” Nanoha flexed her fingers, still trying to shake that strange feeling that her limbs were only half under her control. “I have to call my family, they must have been worried…and Fate-chan! Everyone…”

“Nanoha,” Yuuno spoke so urgently that Nanoha had to turn to face him. His green eyes were deeply serious as he told her, “What’s the last thing you remember?”

Blinking, Nanoha furrowed her brow. “The…the accident during the mission. I…I think something stabbed me?” Her eyes widened and she grabbed at her chest again. “But I’m not hurt anymore…how long has it been?”

“It’s been two weeks,” Yuuno replied, although there was an odd note in his voice.

“Only two weeks?” Nanoha gaped. There was no way she could have healed so fast in such a short amount of time… “Did you and Shamal heal me?”

“No, Nanoha-chan,” Shamal said as she hurried in and caught that last sentence. She and Yuuno both called up their magic and started scanning her together. “We didn’t. Please stay still for a minute while we look you over, okay?”

“What’s going on?” Nanoha asked, starting to shake with a combination of annoyance and fear. They were acting so strange around her…the confusion of not knowing made her want to jump out of bed and do something, instead of just lying there. “Can someone please—”

“Nanoha,” a soft, velvety voice spoke nearby. Fate caught onto the bedrail by Nanoha’s head, leaning on it as she smiled down at the brunette. The blonde looked terrible—Fate’s red eyes stood out in her white face, and she appeared in danger of keeling over any second. “I’m so happy you’re alright…”

Shamal caught Fate under the elbow, holding her weight as Fate sagged into her. “Fate, you should still be in bed!”

“Fate-chan, what happened to you?” Nanoha pushed herself upwards, ignoring Yuuno and Shamal’s exclamations. “Did you get hurt too?”

Fate held out a hand, and Nanoha took it, clasping Fate’s weak grip tightly. For some reason, the moment they touched Nanoha felt much better, more relaxed and strong. “It’s nothing Nanoha…I’m just a little tired.”

“Shamal?” Yuuno let his magic sigils die out, glancing at Shamal with a mixture of relief and anguish. “Everything looks fine. It was successful.”

“What was successful?” Nanoha asked fearfully, staring at all of them. She didn’t like the mixed expressions on their faces… “What did you do to me?”

“Nanoha.” Grunting slightly from the effort, Fate leaned over and placed Nanoha’s hand on her chest. Immediately Nanoha blushed at the sensation of Fate’s soft skin under her palm, trying not to shiver at the contact. Fate was warm, her heartbeat light but steady…and Nanoha gasped. She put her other fingers to the pulse on her throat to double check.

“Fate-chan…our heartbeats match.”

An orange blur leapt onto Nanoha’s bed, and Arf padded over in her puppy form, sitting by Nanoha’s ribs. Her blue eyes blinked sleepily as she laid her furry chin on Nanoha’s chest. “Mine too, Nanoha.”

Nanoha stared at her, feeling realization swamping through her mind but she tried to hold it back, to deny it…it can’t be true. Yuuno helped Fate to sit on a stool beside the bed. Fate looked utterly exhausted, dark circles under her eyes from the strain of using lots of magic to…to sustain…

“Nanoha,” Yuuno whispered, knowing that he had to tell her aloud. “You were in a coma for a week. But a week ago…you died.”

No…

“We…we didn’t know what else to do. Then Fate…she saved your life.”

Nanoha wanted to cry, to scream…she wanted to make Yuuno stop, but she couldn’t…she already knew the truth but he had to say it to her. To make it real.

“Nanoha…Fate made you her familiar.”

Spoiler for Author's Note - don't read first or you'll be MAJORLY SPOILED:

Okay, before the screaming starts, I just want to go through my reasoning for why this concept doesn’t break canon as far as I know:

Familiars are animals. But humans are just another kind of animal.

So while we haven’t seen human familiars in Nanoha-verse, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s not possible. I imagine that there might even be laws in the TSAB that forbid it, since part of a familiar’s nature is to be dependent on their master, and possibly to be forcibly loyal/subservient, which could give rise to lots of moral and ethical issues.

I’m not sure if this will be continued, although I may do one or two more parts just to explain more background. This was terribly discomforting to write, as Nanoha came off way more traumatized than I had originally envisioned …

I told myself I wasn't going to read this. But I couldn't resist, in the end.

Spoiler for DC:

Already commented about it via PM, but I'll say again: some very disturbing implications here, even if Fate wanted to save Nanoha's life. I certainly can't see them being on comfortable terms again for a long, long while. Not to mention the incredibly disturbing implications that might ensue if they end up in a romantic relationship, morally speaking.

[00-Raiser]

Originally Posted by Thunderbird

A fic I wrote while intoxicated. Yeah I know thats not a good thing since alcohol never really mixes with anything...but anyway

Spoiler for Whiskey Lullaby:

"Finally" Fate mused to herself "After 2 years, I finally get to go home. I wonder how Nanoha is doing? I hope she hasnt gotten herself into any trouble hehe~"

She stepped out of the taxi that took her home from the starport and paid the driver before looking at the building that she called home. She took a deep breath as if to reminice about all that happened, also to prepare herself to surprise Nanoha. She hadn't seen her lover in so long, it took all her power to keep herself from just busting through the door. She cleared her throat and slowly stepped into the house.

"Odd" the blond thought as she walked in "I wonder why the house is unlocked if there is no one inside" she stepped in and looked around at the all-too-familiar building. She couldnt help but smile at herself when she looked at the pictures of all the fond memories.

She heard a noise coming from upstairs and grinned to herself thinking that it would be the best chance to sneak up on her lover with a surprise attack from the bedroom. She slowly crepped up the stairs and situated herself in front of the door, taking a deep breath before bracing herself and sliding the door open

"...!" Her eyes went wide with disbelief at what she had seen.

Nanoha was on the bed...with Yuuno

"...!" Nanoha gasped in surprise as Fate entered her view. She quickly got off Yuuno and stared back in utter shock

Fate slowly sighed deeply before turning on her heels and walked downstairs and out the door.

"Fate-chan!" Nanoha ran after the blond, but to no avail. By the time she had gotten outside the door, Fate had already taken to the air, despite the 'No flying in city limits' rule and was soon out of sight.

~She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette~
~She broke his heart, he spent his whole life tryin' to forget~

"Come on, Tea!" Subaru called out as she dragged her friend "Its a nice bar I found while you were out on your mission! I promise it will be fun! We can even-" the energetic girl stopped when she saw a familiar face

"What is wrong Subaru?" Teana asked and followed the girl's gaze towards the table. There, siting all alone with numerous empty glasses surrounding her, was Fate

The two girls looked at each other

~We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time~

"Fate-san?" Teana walked up to the enforcer who was still in uniform

"..." Fate responded only by gripping her glass harder and tilted her head back far and literally inhaled the tall glass of alcohol that the bartender had given her.

"Fate-san!" Subaru tried to intervene and remove the bottle, but was only pushed back by the tears that fell from the blond's face during the quick struggle.

The blond got up when the music changed and walked over to the dance floor and started dancing herself away.

"Fate-san..." the two girls could do nothing but watch as the enforcer slowly got more and more bold with her techniques, getting her to borderline misconduct.

The bartender, noticing that she was going to cause problems, asked the drunk blond to leave. Fate only retaliated and started arguing. Eventually it got to the point where it took several people to throw her out of the club.

~But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind~
~Until the night~

Teana and Subaru ran up to the older woman and picked her up off the ground. The two took her to a nearby hotel and rented a room. They dragged her onto the bed and stood watch to make sure things were ok

"Fate-san...what happened?" Subaru finally broke the silence and looked down worried.

"Leave..." the blond held her head and forced herelf to sit up

"But-"

"Leave!" she barked out half in anger...half in despair.

"Subaru..." Teana tapped her friend's shoulder "let's go." She turned to the enforcer "We'll come back tomorrow to see how you are doing, Fate-san" she pulled her partner out the door and bowed before closing it lightly.

~He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger~
~And finally drank away her memory~

Fate opened the communicator to the front desk.

"Yes, may I help you?" the receptionist responded

"Get me all the alcohol you have" Fate ordered

"Are you sure? You look like you've had enough alrea-"

"Just do it!" she shouted "I just want a few more."

The receptionist paused a little bit before nodding slowly and sending several bottles to the door.

~Life is short but this time it was bigger~

Fate continued drinking the whole night. The image of what she saw forever haunting her mind. She tried to question herself: Was she lacking? Did she do something wrong? Was she not enough? Why?

"Keh" she spat out the cork of the next bottle before putting it to her lips and throwing her head back.

She tried to get angry at Nanoha. She tried to get angry at Yuuno. She tried to get angry period...but she couldnt bring herself to do it. She knew deep down, that no matter what...she would never be able to hate them.

"Its all my fault..." she told herself and continued pounding away at the alcohol. "Its all my fault..." she kept repeating the whole night.

~Than the strength he had to get up off his knees~

"Fate-chan" Hayate knocked on the hotel door several days later. She had gotten the report from Teana that her friend would be there after what seemed to be a bad night. It would have been ok, but the blond hadn't reported it at all. "Fate-chan?" she repeated when no answer came.

"How may I help you?" The receptionist answered when Hayate pressed the "Service" button

"I am Yagami, Hayate. Commander of Riot Force VI. I would like you to open this door so I can talk to one of my friends."

"One moment please"

The door opened and the short haired girl stepped in. She was stopped by the heavy odor of alcohol. She covered her nose and continued to walk in.

"Fate-chan?" she looked around and almost fell when she stepped on a bottle. The commander looked down and her eyes widened when the floor was literally covered in glass.

Her eyes scanned the room a lot more quickly as she made her way to the bedroom area. What she saw when she entered stunned her

"Fate-chan!!"

~We found him with his face down in the pillow~
~With a note that said I'll love her till I die~

"Nanoha-chan..." Hayate went over to the Takamachi residence just over an hour later. She didnt quite know how to break it to one of her best freinds.

"Hayate-chan?" The instructor welcomed her friend in and brought her to the couch. "What is it?"

The commander took a deep breath and looked her collegue in the eyes "Its about Fate-chan..."
The mention of the name made Nanoha's eyes widen and begin shaking. Yet, she remained silent and let her friend finish what was to be said.

"Nanoha-chan..." Hayate repeated "did something happen between you and Fate-chan?"

"..." she looked down at her lap and fought the tears back for several moments before finally maintaining enough control to speak "We...had a fight. I want to appologize to her today for it."

"Nanoha-chan..." Hayate grit her teeth as she steeled herself to break out the news. "Fate-chan..." she found herself about to cry, it took all her power to maintain herself as the brought herself to say the last two words "...is dead."

"...!" Nanoha's head rose with incredible speed at those words. Her jaw dropped as she stared at Hayate, wishing that the girl in front of her would soon say 'I'm kidding'

"I'm sorry..."

~And when we buried him beneath the willow~
~The angels sang a whiskey lullaby~

~xX*Xx~

~The rumors flew but nobody know how much she blamed herself~

Looking at Takamachi, Nanoha now made someone feel very sad. The girl was never the same since that day, she had lost a part of her that she could never replace...and she got rid of it...with her own two hands.

People began to speculate just exactly what happened. Rumors started to rise saying that she was cheating on Fate, saying that she was unsatisfied with how the enforcer was living her life, saying that Nanoha had just been lonely and offered herself to many others...

~For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath~
~She finally drank her pain away a little at a time~

"She is getting progressively worse..." Signum stated as she watched her friend and former Ace look around to make sure no one was around her before slipping a shot of alcohol to her lips.

"I didnt think the impact would last this long." Hayate rubbed her head "I tried everything I could, and I thought she was getting better." She spoke through a communication monitor "but I guess she was only fooling me."

"So it would seem, mistress..."

~But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind~
~Until the night~

Nanoha sat on her bed all alone that night with a bottle in her hand. Her home was the only place that she could drink in solitude without Hayate knowing about it. However the house was a double edged sword. Everything in the house held nothing but memories of the woman she loved with all her heart. Her eyes began to form tears as she reached over next to her bed and carefully propped up a picture that she had placed face down in years...

~She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger~
~And finally drank away his memory~

She walked over to her fridge and grabbed everything in it along with a single glass. Her heart continued to ache and all she could think of to help reduce the pain...was to drown it.

"I'm so sorry, Fate-chan..." she said aloud to the empty room between her tears "I'm so sorry..."

She hugged her knees tightly for several moments before reaching to the table and grabbing a bottle and bringing it to her lips.

~Life is short but this time it was bigger~
~Than the strength she had to get up off her knees~

She looked at the picture in her hand. The picture that had Fate smiling brightly...the picture that Nanoha herself had taken of Fate during their last christmas together. She couldnt hold back anymore. She broke down completely, letting go of the bottle in her other hand.

"Rhaaa!!!" she screamed at the top of her lungs and began to throw the bottles around hoping that it would quell her anguish in some way. She didnt care anymore...after several years of trying to fight it...she just had enough.

~We found her with her face down in the pillow~
~Clinging to his picture for dear life~

"Nanoha-chan?" Hayate called from the door the next day. Signum and Shamal accompanied thier master as a precaution. "Nanoha-chan?"

She nodded at Signum, who broke down the door and cleared the way into the Takamachi residence.

"Nanoha-chan?" Shamal called out as the rest of them stepped in. "Klarer Wind" she looked at her rings "Please let me know if anyone is here."

[No living beings detected] it responded [However, there is someone else here]

Hayate's eyes widened "Signum!" she called out

"Understood mistress" the sword knight transformed into her armor and dashed upstairs at full speed.

"Did you find her?!" Hayate called out as the finally caught up.

Signum stood motionless at the doorway for several moments before slowly stepping aside to allow her master to look inside the bedroom.

"Nanoha-chan..."

~We laid her next to him beneath the willow~
~While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby~

"Nanoha-chan...Fate-chan..." Hayate looked at the two gravestones next to each other. "I wish this had never come to be. I wish I was able to prevent this. I'm so sorry." she bowed deeply "I have failed as your commander and as your friend. I dont think you could ever forgive me...but I am truly sorry."

She slowly raised her head and turned around to nod to her Guardian Knights. The Wolkenritter, understanding the meaning, moved away from earshot and stood guard around the area.

"I hope you two finally meet each other again and settle things properly. I miss you both already." She placed the flowers down on both graves.

"Good bye...my dear friends..."

Nanya wanted me to post it. And I figured the mistress wanted a little...something involved >.>

I think in Nanoha's part you should have had some sort of explanation for why she was cheating on Fate in the first place. Personally I have no sympathy for cheaters, so I can only hate Nanoha here. She truely loves Fate? She wanted to be with her? Then why the fuck did she cheat? I mean seriously, if you really need to get your rocks off that badly when your lover is away, God gave you two hands for a bloody reason!

... I have no sympathy for those who commit suicide either, so Fate's actions aren't much better. Yeah, I understand it'd be devastating finding out the one you love is cheating on you, but that's no reason to end it! You can be stronger than that! Your life doesn't revolve around one person, so pick yourself up and move on.

Well, your story certainly invoked some strong feelings out of me, so consider that a job well done

Originally Posted by Nanya01

Spoiler for More Changes:

After seeing Fate leave with Arf, Linith shook her head and started cleaning up the penthouse. Fate didn't make much of a mess and Arf was mindful as well, but the place still got dusty and sometimes the girls, including Alicia, weren't always mindful of where they dropped their clothes.

"Linith..." She turned as her master called her. "I think we're out of vegetables."

The catgirl sweat-dropped slightly as she looked in the kitchen, Alicia was wearing her dark shirt and pants combo with a white lab coat over top them and her hair was hanging loose down her back, when asked, Linith would just say that she liked the clothing. "I thought I told you not to wear that coat in the kitchen."

"Linith..." Alicia whined and pouted at her. "I just like the coat, besides, it's not like I can do much on just one Jewel Seed as it is."

Linith sighed softly. "I'll go get some vegetables, but you..." She pulled out a straw broom and used it to shoo the blond out of the kitchen. "Out, out, out... This is my kitchen!"

Alicia rolled her eyes, who knew that her familiar was so possessive of the kitchen?

(---)

Looking at the girl in white, Fate had to wonder just why she was trying to gather the Jewel Seeds, power perhaps? Or maybe she just wanted to use them for some nefarious purpose? Either way, it really didn't matter. "It's too bad..." She said softly as she looked to the side. This place was quite beautiful, she didn't want to fight over it. "I thought you would have learned your lesson last time."

The girl frowned at her. "Listen! Just tell me what you want with the Jewel Seeds!"

"No, you listen!" Fate snapped and pointed Bardiche at the girl as she frowned at her. "I don't know what you want the Lost Logias for, but I cannot allow you to use them for whatever reason you want them for."

"What?" The girl looked stunned as Arf, in her human form, laughed at her.

"Oh, look, she's confused..." The redheaded wolfgirl grinned saucily and seemed to slink forward a bit before seemingly teleporting behind the girl and cupping her chin to turn the small girl's head to make her look up at Arf. "Maybe after my master's done with you, I'll keep you as a personal pet." She grinned, though she was slightly confused as to why the girl blushed, even as her eyes seemingly shrunk in fear.

"Enough, Arf." Fate shook her head, getting the familiar to let the girl go. "I would rather not fight you again, I might not stop myself from hurting you badly."

The girl shook her head and jumped away from Arf to look at the two of them warily. "Listen! I just want to know why you're collecting the Jewel Seeds."

"You don't need to know." Fate shook her head. "Arf... Go ahead and play with her."

"Goodie." Arf smirked as she shifted to her wolf form. "I'm going to enjoy this!" She lept at the girl, only to crash into a barrier. "What the?" She could feel a teleporting feel. "Oh no..." She groaned, as soon as Linith heard about her getting teleported away by another familiar, the catgirl was going to tie her up outside in her human form for the night.

Fate chuckled softly as she looked at the bewildered girl. "I'll tell you what..." She floated to the ground as Bardiche shifted to scythe form. "If you can defeat me in combat, I'll tell you what I want the Jewel Seeds for."

The girl nodded and gripped her device tightly.

'It won't matter.' Fate thought to herself as she got into a stance herself. 'She's just got a lot of magical power, but no skill.'

(---)

Yuuno grimaced, the wolf familiar was strong, he had to admit, but a little too overzealous. "So what was up with you grabbing Nanoha like that for?"

The wolf chuckled as she tried to grab at the ferret again. "Upset that I would touch your master like that?"

"She's not my master!" Yuuno shot back and used some binding magic to wrap the wolf's legs up and cause her to fall down. "She's my friend."

Arf growled at the ferret. If she didn't get things under control, Linith wouldn't let her hear the end of it. "You..." She growled as she broke the binds a moment later. "Get back here!"

Arf chased the ferret around a bit until they got back to the battlefield, just in time to see Fate pointing her scythe at the neck of the other girl.

"Put out." A feminine voice was heard as a Jewel Seed was expunged from the device.

"Your Intelligent Device cares for you." Fate said as she took the Jewel Seed and turned. "...If you must know, my name is Fate Testarossa." She turned and smiled at the wolf as she walked up to the two girls and shifted to her human form. "Let's go, Arf."

"Bye bye!" Arf taunted the ferret and girl in white as the two flew away.

Nanoha sighed softly after seeing them leave. "She's really strong..." For some reason, the thought of facing her again didn't scare her.

If anything, she wanted to fight that girl again, to push herself to her limits and find out what she could do when the chips were down. It was too bad that she didn't know why the girl wanted the Jewel Seeds. But she had the feeling that she'd find out soon enough.

Spoiler for Read this after reading the above part:

Yeah, I copied canon here, don't like doing that, but, I couldn't think of any real way to change it.

And, hey, new look for Alicia.

Well, you don't have much else to do but copy canon at this point. There's still some changes, though, like I imagine Fate doesn't have those sad eyes because Alicia treats her right. Nanoha's motivation would certainly have to be different in that case.

Originally Posted by deathcurse

A...slightly disturbing idea I got, and wrote about here .

Please respond with SPOILER TAGS!

Spoiler for A Familiar Life...:

A Familiar Life…

What happened?

Nanoha wasn’t sure—she was scared. The last thing she remembered was pain, cold pain that made her shudder as she felt her blood pooling out and melting the snow around her.

Where was she? Nanoha felt so strange. She tried to move her hand, and panicked for a moment when she thought that nothing had happened. But then she felt soft sheets under her fingers, and jerkily raised her head to watch her hand brush her covered stomach. She could feel her heartbeat thumping in her ears, oddly echoing as if she was hearing it second-hand from a distance.

Despite feeling oddly out of place, Nanoha felt…fine. Patting at her chest didn’t reveal the bulge of bandages, so somehow Nanoha had been healed of the injuries she had gotten on that world with…

“Vita-chan!” Nanoha gasped. Was she alright? What—

“Nanoha!” She became aware of Yuuno holding her other hand, clasping her carefully around the magical sensors attached to her. “Don’t move too much yet…you still have to get used to…” His voice wavered. “…to moving again.”

“Again…what?” Nanoha’s eyes widened and she kicked out, nearly crying with relief when her legs moved. So she wasn’t paralyzed… Her foot connected with something hard.

“OW!” Vita sat up from where she had been sleeping on the end of the hospital bed, rubbing her chin where Nanoha had accidentally hit her. “Nanoha, you’re finally awake!”

“You’re okay, Vita-chan!”

“Nanoha,” Yuuno implored, easing her back down onto her pillow, “please, just stay still a little longer until Shamal and I check you over.”

“But I feel fine! A little weird, but I’m great!” Nanoha flexed her fingers, still trying to shake that strange feeling that her limbs were only half under her control. “I have to call my family, they must have been worried…and Fate-chan! Everyone…”

“Nanoha,” Yuuno spoke so urgently that Nanoha had to turn to face him. His green eyes were deeply serious as he told her, “What’s the last thing you remember?”

Blinking, Nanoha furrowed her brow. “The…the accident during the mission. I…I think something stabbed me?” Her eyes widened and she grabbed at her chest again. “But I’m not hurt anymore…how long has it been?”

“It’s been two weeks,” Yuuno replied, although there was an odd note in his voice.

“Only two weeks?” Nanoha gaped. There was no way she could have healed so fast in such a short amount of time… “Did you and Shamal heal me?”

“No, Nanoha-chan,” Shamal said as she hurried in and caught that last sentence. She and Yuuno both called up their magic and started scanning her together. “We didn’t. Please stay still for a minute while we look you over, okay?”

“What’s going on?” Nanoha asked, starting to shake with a combination of annoyance and fear. They were acting so strange around her…the confusion of not knowing made her want to jump out of bed and do something, instead of just lying there. “Can someone please—”

“Nanoha,” a soft, velvety voice spoke nearby. Fate caught onto the bedrail by Nanoha’s head, leaning on it as she smiled down at the brunette. The blonde looked terrible—Fate’s red eyes stood out in her white face, and she appeared in danger of keeling over any second. “I’m so happy you’re alright…”

Shamal caught Fate under the elbow, holding her weight as Fate sagged into her. “Fate, you should still be in bed!”

“Fate-chan, what happened to you?” Nanoha pushed herself upwards, ignoring Yuuno and Shamal’s exclamations. “Did you get hurt too?”

Fate held out a hand, and Nanoha took it, clasping Fate’s weak grip tightly. For some reason, the moment they touched Nanoha felt much better, more relaxed and strong. “It’s nothing Nanoha…I’m just a little tired.”

“Shamal?” Yuuno let his magic sigils die out, glancing at Shamal with a mixture of relief and anguish. “Everything looks fine. It was successful.”

“What was successful?” Nanoha asked fearfully, staring at all of them. She didn’t like the mixed expressions on their faces… “What did you do to me?”

“Nanoha.” Grunting slightly from the effort, Fate leaned over and placed Nanoha’s hand on her chest. Immediately Nanoha blushed at the sensation of Fate’s soft skin under her palm, trying not to shiver at the contact. Fate was warm, her heartbeat light but steady…and Nanoha gasped. She put her other fingers to the pulse on her throat to double check.

“Fate-chan…our heartbeats match.”

An orange blur leapt onto Nanoha’s bed, and Arf padded over in her puppy form, sitting by Nanoha’s ribs. Her blue eyes blinked sleepily as she laid her furry chin on Nanoha’s chest. “Mine too, Nanoha.”

Nanoha stared at her, feeling realization swamping through her mind but she tried to hold it back, to deny it…it can’t be true. Yuuno helped Fate to sit on a stool beside the bed. Fate looked utterly exhausted, dark circles under her eyes from the strain of using lots of magic to…to sustain…

“Nanoha,” Yuuno whispered, knowing that he had to tell her aloud. “You were in a coma for a week. But a week ago…you died.”

No…

“We…we didn’t know what else to do. Then Fate…she saved your life.”

Nanoha wanted to cry, to scream…she wanted to make Yuuno stop, but she couldn’t…she already knew the truth but he had to say it to her. To make it real.

“Nanoha…Fate made you her familiar.”

Spoiler for Author's Note - don't read first or you'll be MAJORLY SPOILED:

Okay, before the screaming starts, I just want to go through my reasoning for why this concept doesn’t break canon as far as I know:

Familiars are animals. But humans are just another kind of animal.

So while we haven’t seen human familiars in Nanoha-verse, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s not possible. I imagine that there might even be laws in the TSAB that forbid it, since part of a familiar’s nature is to be dependent on their master, and possibly to be forcibly loyal/subservient, which could give rise to lots of moral and ethical issues.

I’m not sure if this will be continued, although I may do one or two more parts just to explain more background. This was terribly discomforting to write, as Nanoha came off way more traumatized than I had originally envisioned …

Spoiler:

Yeah, the concept is feasible, and like you illustrated it takes a lot of magic to sustain a human familiar. The part that doesn't mesh well is that it was noted as being rather amazing that Fate had a high level familiar like Arf, and how Graham had twin familiars. I honestly don't think Fate could survive handling both Arf and Nanoha at once without one of them disappearing. But maybe you could make it so that Yuuno 'supplies' Fate extra mana so she has enough for both, like how Shiro 'supplies' Rin in the UBW Good end. That would be interesting!

Other than that, it's hard thinking up different ways to say that any fic you write is good

[Moczo]

Originally Posted by deathcurse

A...slightly disturbing idea I got, and wrote about here .

Please respond with SPOILER TAGS!

Spoiler for A Familiar Life...:

A Familiar Life…

What happened?

Nanoha wasn’t sure—she was scared. The last thing she remembered was pain, cold pain that made her shudder as she felt her blood pooling out and melting the snow around her.

Where was she? Nanoha felt so strange. She tried to move her hand, and panicked for a moment when she thought that nothing had happened. But then she felt soft sheets under her fingers, and jerkily raised her head to watch her hand brush her covered stomach. She could feel her heartbeat thumping in her ears, oddly echoing as if she was hearing it second-hand from a distance.

Despite feeling oddly out of place, Nanoha felt…fine. Patting at her chest didn’t reveal the bulge of bandages, so somehow Nanoha had been healed of the injuries she had gotten on that world with…

“Vita-chan!” Nanoha gasped. Was she alright? What—

“Nanoha!” She became aware of Yuuno holding her other hand, clasping her carefully around the magical sensors attached to her. “Don’t move too much yet…you still have to get used to…” His voice wavered. “…to moving again.”

“Again…what?” Nanoha’s eyes widened and she kicked out, nearly crying with relief when her legs moved. So she wasn’t paralyzed… Her foot connected with something hard.

“OW!” Vita sat up from where she had been sleeping on the end of the hospital bed, rubbing her chin where Nanoha had accidentally hit her. “Nanoha, you’re finally awake!”

“You’re okay, Vita-chan!”

“Nanoha,” Yuuno implored, easing her back down onto her pillow, “please, just stay still a little longer until Shamal and I check you over.”

“But I feel fine! A little weird, but I’m great!” Nanoha flexed her fingers, still trying to shake that strange feeling that her limbs were only half under her control. “I have to call my family, they must have been worried…and Fate-chan! Everyone…”

“Nanoha,” Yuuno spoke so urgently that Nanoha had to turn to face him. His green eyes were deeply serious as he told her, “What’s the last thing you remember?”

Blinking, Nanoha furrowed her brow. “The…the accident during the mission. I…I think something stabbed me?” Her eyes widened and she grabbed at her chest again. “But I’m not hurt anymore…how long has it been?”

“It’s been two weeks,” Yuuno replied, although there was an odd note in his voice.

“Only two weeks?” Nanoha gaped. There was no way she could have healed so fast in such a short amount of time… “Did you and Shamal heal me?”

“No, Nanoha-chan,” Shamal said as she hurried in and caught that last sentence. She and Yuuno both called up their magic and started scanning her together. “We didn’t. Please stay still for a minute while we look you over, okay?”

“What’s going on?” Nanoha asked, starting to shake with a combination of annoyance and fear. They were acting so strange around her…the confusion of not knowing made her want to jump out of bed and do something, instead of just lying there. “Can someone please—”

“Nanoha,” a soft, velvety voice spoke nearby. Fate caught onto the bedrail by Nanoha’s head, leaning on it as she smiled down at the brunette. The blonde looked terrible—Fate’s red eyes stood out in her white face, and she appeared in danger of keeling over any second. “I’m so happy you’re alright…”

Shamal caught Fate under the elbow, holding her weight as Fate sagged into her. “Fate, you should still be in bed!”

“Fate-chan, what happened to you?” Nanoha pushed herself upwards, ignoring Yuuno and Shamal’s exclamations. “Did you get hurt too?”

Fate held out a hand, and Nanoha took it, clasping Fate’s weak grip tightly. For some reason, the moment they touched Nanoha felt much better, more relaxed and strong. “It’s nothing Nanoha…I’m just a little tired.”

“Shamal?” Yuuno let his magic sigils die out, glancing at Shamal with a mixture of relief and anguish. “Everything looks fine. It was successful.”

“What was successful?” Nanoha asked fearfully, staring at all of them. She didn’t like the mixed expressions on their faces… “What did you do to me?”

“Nanoha.” Grunting slightly from the effort, Fate leaned over and placed Nanoha’s hand on her chest. Immediately Nanoha blushed at the sensation of Fate’s soft skin under her palm, trying not to shiver at the contact. Fate was warm, her heartbeat light but steady…and Nanoha gasped. She put her other fingers to the pulse on her throat to double check.

“Fate-chan…our heartbeats match.”

An orange blur leapt onto Nanoha’s bed, and Arf padded over in her puppy form, sitting by Nanoha’s ribs. Her blue eyes blinked sleepily as she laid her furry chin on Nanoha’s chest. “Mine too, Nanoha.”

Nanoha stared at her, feeling realization swamping through her mind but she tried to hold it back, to deny it…it can’t be true. Yuuno helped Fate to sit on a stool beside the bed. Fate looked utterly exhausted, dark circles under her eyes from the strain of using lots of magic to…to sustain…

“Nanoha,” Yuuno whispered, knowing that he had to tell her aloud. “You were in a coma for a week. But a week ago…you died.”

No…

“We…we didn’t know what else to do. Then Fate…she saved your life.”

Nanoha wanted to cry, to scream…she wanted to make Yuuno stop, but she couldn’t…she already knew the truth but he had to say it to her. To make it real.

“Nanoha…Fate made you her familiar.”

Spoiler for Author's Note - don't read first or you'll be MAJORLY SPOILED:

Okay, before the screaming starts, I just want to go through my reasoning for why this concept doesn’t break canon as far as I know:

Familiars are animals. But humans are just another kind of animal.

So while we haven’t seen human familiars in Nanoha-verse, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s not possible. I imagine that there might even be laws in the TSAB that forbid it, since part of a familiar’s nature is to be dependent on their master, and possibly to be forcibly loyal/subservient, which could give rise to lots of moral and ethical issues.

I’m not sure if this will be continued, although I may do one or two more parts just to explain more background. This was terribly discomforting to write, as Nanoha came off way more traumatized than I had originally envisioned …

Spoiler for I'll spoiler tag it this time!:

Well... I don't know. I guess there's some disturbing thoughts in there that someone out in the world could use this to turn a person into a familiar against their will, but... if it was a choice between Nanoha dying or Nanoha becoming Arf 2.0, it's hard for me to be too disturbed.

[deathcurse]

Sorry everyone, for making all of you do the spoiler tag thing , but thanks!

Originally Posted by Nanya01

Spoiler for Response:

Um, wow... Just... Wow...

...

This could be *very* interesting, DC

Spoiler for reply to Nanya:

Thanks! Yeah, there's a lot I could do with this idea, and I'm still thinking about where I might want to take this . Lots of possibilities...

Oh, and DC, I just couldn't change *that* scene. I don't like to rehash canon. If I'm going to write a fanfic, I want to change how canon works.

Hm, I see your point, but I guess to me, having Alicia there made HUGE changes to the characters' motivations, so in my reasoning I wouldn't expect things to go exactly according to canon.

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

I told myself I wasn't going to read this. But I couldn't resist, in the end.

Spoiler for DC:

Already commented about it via PM, but I'll say again: some very disturbing implications here, even if Fate wanted to save Nanoha's life. I certainly can't see them being on comfortable terms again for a long, long while. Not to mention the incredibly disturbing implications that might ensue if they end up in a romantic relationship, morally speaking.

Spoiler for Reply to RB:

Thanks for the comments . Really gave me some interesting ideas to think about, and yes....I don't think things will be easy between them for a long time.

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

Spoiler:

Yeah, the concept is feasible, and like you illustrated it takes a lot of magic to sustain a human familiar. The part that doesn't mesh well is that it was noted as being rather amazing that Fate had a high level familiar like Arf, and how Graham had twin familiars. I honestly don't think Fate could survive handling both Arf and Nanoha at once without one of them disappearing. But maybe you could make it so that Yuuno 'supplies' Fate extra mana so she has enough for both, like how Shiro 'supplies' Rin in the UBW Good end. That would be interesting!

Other than that, it's hard thinking up different ways to say that any fic you write is good

Spoiler for Reply to 00-Raiser:

Yes, RB and I discussed how likely it is for Fate to be able to maintain both Arf and Nanoha...hence why I had Arf in her puppy form and not really doing much, to help Fate conserve mana.

A thought I had before was that Fate would have to be forced to choose between Arf or Nanoha, but that thread of thought quickly got way too angsty and depressing, so I decided that Fate would take the risk of trying to sustain them both. But having Yuuno help might not be too far out of the question, as he does have healing magic that might restore Fate's health. I'll have to think on it ^^.

Originally Posted by Moczo

Spoiler for I'll spoiler tag it this time!:

Well... I don't know. I guess there's some disturbing thoughts in there that someone out in the world could use this to turn a person into a familiar against their will, but... if it was a choice between Nanoha dying or Nanoha becoming Arf 2.0, it's hard for me to be too disturbed.

Spoiler for Reply to Moczo:

Yeah, I think the biggest part here that is morally questionable is the fact that Nanoha didn't get a say in the whole thing, as she was, er...dead. So while Fate had good intentions, the question becomes whether she had the right to do it at all...damnit, which is giving me more plot bunnies for this idea....

[SilentOutlaw]

Originally Posted by Tiresias

No wonder Mengsk's slimy face was the first to pop out of my mind

Taking this idea of yours further, I see?

Spoiler for from Manga Discussion:

Hayate: No more! I'm tired of being evil!

Poor Hayate, I blame BetrayerS for her tarnished reputation...

At least she'll be the lesser evil...or maybe not evil at all?!

Expect Mengsk!Graham's slimy face punched.

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by deathcurse

Spoiler for A Familiar Life...:

A Familiar Life…

What happened?

Nanoha wasn’t sure—she was scared. The last thing she remembered was pain, cold pain that made her shudder as she felt her blood pooling out and melting the snow around her.

Where was she? Nanoha felt so strange. She tried to move her hand, and panicked for a moment when she thought that nothing had happened. But then she felt soft sheets under her fingers, and jerkily raised her head to watch her hand brush her covered stomach. She could feel her heartbeat thumping in her ears, oddly echoing as if she was hearing it second-hand from a distance.

Despite feeling oddly out of place, Nanoha felt…fine. Patting at her chest didn’t reveal the bulge of bandages, so somehow Nanoha had been healed of the injuries she had gotten on that world with…

“Vita-chan!” Nanoha gasped. Was she alright? What—

“Nanoha!” She became aware of Yuuno holding her other hand, clasping her carefully around the magical sensors attached to her. “Don’t move too much yet…you still have to get used to…” His voice wavered. “…to moving again.”

“Again…what?” Nanoha’s eyes widened and she kicked out, nearly crying with relief when her legs moved. So she wasn’t paralyzed… Her foot connected with something hard.

“OW!” Vita sat up from where she had been sleeping on the end of the hospital bed, rubbing her chin where Nanoha had accidentally hit her. “Nanoha, you’re finally awake!”

“You’re okay, Vita-chan!”

“Nanoha,” Yuuno implored, easing her back down onto her pillow, “please, just stay still a little longer until Shamal and I check you over.”

“But I feel fine! A little weird, but I’m great!” Nanoha flexed her fingers, still trying to shake that strange feeling that her limbs were only half under her control. “I have to call my family, they must have been worried…and Fate-chan! Everyone…”

“Nanoha,” Yuuno spoke so urgently that Nanoha had to turn to face him. His green eyes were deeply serious as he told her, “What’s the last thing you remember?”

Blinking, Nanoha furrowed her brow. “The…the accident during the mission. I…I think something stabbed me?” Her eyes widened and she grabbed at her chest again. “But I’m not hurt anymore…how long has it been?”

“It’s been two weeks,” Yuuno replied, although there was an odd note in his voice.

“Only two weeks?” Nanoha gaped. There was no way she could have healed so fast in such a short amount of time… “Did you and Shamal heal me?”

“No, Nanoha-chan,” Shamal said as she hurried in and caught that last sentence. She and Yuuno both called up their magic and started scanning her together. “We didn’t. Please stay still for a minute while we look you over, okay?”

“What’s going on?” Nanoha asked, starting to shake with a combination of annoyance and fear. They were acting so strange around her…the confusion of not knowing made her want to jump out of bed and do something, instead of just lying there. “Can someone please—”

“Nanoha,” a soft, velvety voice spoke nearby. Fate caught onto the bedrail by Nanoha’s head, leaning on it as she smiled down at the brunette. The blonde looked terrible—Fate’s red eyes stood out in her white face, and she appeared in danger of keeling over any second. “I’m so happy you’re alright…”

Shamal caught Fate under the elbow, holding her weight as Fate sagged into her. “Fate, you should still be in bed!”

“Fate-chan, what happened to you?” Nanoha pushed herself upwards, ignoring Yuuno and Shamal’s exclamations. “Did you get hurt too?”

Fate held out a hand, and Nanoha took it, clasping Fate’s weak grip tightly. For some reason, the moment they touched Nanoha felt much better, more relaxed and strong. “It’s nothing Nanoha…I’m just a little tired.”

“Shamal?” Yuuno let his magic sigils die out, glancing at Shamal with a mixture of relief and anguish. “Everything looks fine. It was successful.”

“What was successful?” Nanoha asked fearfully, staring at all of them. She didn’t like the mixed expressions on their faces… “What did you do to me?”

“Nanoha.” Grunting slightly from the effort, Fate leaned over and placed Nanoha’s hand on her chest. Immediately Nanoha blushed at the sensation of Fate’s soft skin under her palm, trying not to shiver at the contact. Fate was warm, her heartbeat light but steady…and Nanoha gasped. She put her other fingers to the pulse on her throat to double check.

“Fate-chan…our heartbeats match.”

An orange blur leapt onto Nanoha’s bed, and Arf padded over in her puppy form, sitting by Nanoha’s ribs. Her blue eyes blinked sleepily as she laid her furry chin on Nanoha’s chest. “Mine too, Nanoha.”

Nanoha stared at her, feeling realization swamping through her mind but she tried to hold it back, to deny it…it can’t be true. Yuuno helped Fate to sit on a stool beside the bed. Fate looked utterly exhausted, dark circles under her eyes from the strain of using lots of magic to…to sustain…

“Nanoha,” Yuuno whispered, knowing that he had to tell her aloud. “You were in a coma for a week. But a week ago…you died.”

No…

“We…we didn’t know what else to do. Then Fate…she saved your life.”

Nanoha wanted to cry, to scream…she wanted to make Yuuno stop, but she couldn’t…she already knew the truth but he had to say it to her. To make it real.

“Nanoha…Fate made you her familiar.”

Spoiler for Author's Note - don't read first or you'll be MAJORLY SPOILED:

Okay, before the screaming starts, I just want to go through my reasoning for why this concept doesn’t break canon as far as I know:

Familiars are animals. But humans are just another kind of animal.

So while we haven’t seen human familiars in Nanoha-verse, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s not possible. I imagine that there might even be laws in the TSAB that forbid it, since part of a familiar’s nature is to be dependent on their master, and possibly to be forcibly loyal/subservient, which could give rise to lots of moral and ethical issues.

I’m not sure if this will be continued, although I may do one or two more parts just to explain more background. This was terribly discomforting to write, as Nanoha came off way more traumatized than I had originally envisioned …

Spoiler for Some thoughts:

I guess the question in my mind is... why Fate? Even Arf in puppy form takes mana, although we don't know how much. Who else was around that could do it? Also, since you can't really heal mana, Yuuno couldn't do much to help. It would have made more sense for someone else to. Perhaps Hayate, or Yuuno. From a more humorous angle, having Yuuno make Nanoha his familiar would be an interesting twist, since he was constantly being mistaken for her familiar before, heh.

But you're going to get real angsty here if you continue, because Fate is going to be supplying so much mana that she won't be able to do her job as an enforcer. She'll have to quit or retire, or Nanoha won't be able to use near her magic, which the strain would leave one or both miserable.

[00-Raiser]

Originally Posted by deathcurse

Spoiler for Reply to 00-Raiser:

as he does have healing magic that might restore Fate's health.

Spoiler:

Yeah, sexual healing magic! *shot* Anything for some more Fate/Yuuno around here!

Anyways, I think it might have made more sense for Yuuno to make Nanoha his familiar. While we don't know how much magic capacity he has, I imagine it'd be a decent amount and since he's a non-combatant at this point, he'd have plenty to spare.

... Ninja'd by Kaijo

Still, I'm sure he could give some extra mana to Fate one way or the other.

On a more general writing note, and I'm probably slowpoking here, but I was looking around TV Tropes and read about 'Said Bookisms." I eventually read this article about the subject and frankly it's throwing me for a loop. I was always taught in school that I shouldn't use 'said' a lot and instead use a variety of different words. So I am certainly guilty of using these Said Bookisms, but at the same time I don't think I could switch to using 'said' all the time. It really does get repetative to only go he said, she said, he said, she said, etc every other line.

What do you guys think about this subject?

[deathcurse]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Spoiler for Some thoughts:

I guess the question in my mind is... why Fate? Even Arf in puppy form takes mana, although we don't know how much. Who else was around that could do it? Also, since you can't really heal mana, Yuuno couldn't do much to help. It would have made more sense for someone else to. Perhaps Hayate, or Yuuno. From a more humorous angle, having Yuuno make Nanoha his familiar would be an interesting twist, since he was constantly being mistaken for her familiar before, heh.

But you're going to get real angsty here if you continue, because Fate is going to be supplying so much mana that she won't be able to do her job as an enforcer. She'll have to quit or retire, or Nanoha won't be able to use near her magic, which the strain would leave one or both miserable.

Spoiler for Reply to Kaijo:

I don't want to say too much, since I'll probably write at least one more part to explain the background behind this...but I had a few reasons for using Fate instead of Hayate or Yuuno.

Although we don't know the full details, Hayate is already supporting all the Wolkenritter, although she has help from the Tome. Nonetheless, if Hayate dies all the Wolkenritter die, so I'm interpreting that as they do draw mana from her to some level.

For Yuuno, he's an A-rank mage, but Fate (at that point) is already AAA. So part of the reason why Fate did it was because she just had more raw power, even though she was already supporting Arf.

In story reason, is that it's not entirely legal what they did, and so with only Yuuno to help her, Fate had him do the technical stuff that she didn't know how to do.

Author's reason...well, this came off an idea of mine to explore the moral issues of a potential relationship between master and familiar .

Wow, didn't think of such longterm issues that could arise, thanks for the ideas!

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

Spoiler:

Yeah, sexual healing magic! *shot* Anything for some more Fate/Yuuno around here!

Anyways, I think it might have made more sense for Yuuno to make Nanoha his familiar. While we don't know how much magic capacity he has, I imagine it'd be a decent amount and since he's a non-combatant at this point, he'd have plenty to spare.

... Ninja'd by Kaijo

Still, I'm sure he could give some extra mana to Fate one way or the other.

Answered in the reply to Kaijo ^^.