Claymore Fanfiction Discussion

[MisterJB]

well, every author's work should surpasse the previous one

[shelter]

Originally Posted by lost_soul

You asked to make it an open question, so here it goes:

Spoiler for to answer your questions and state my reasons again:

when I see your discussion, I wonder how stupid can you get!!? Guess because of the mentioned before reasons, you are unable to see what is so wrong with your fiction. To put it in simple words that even you might understand (hopefully) you made Helen look like a whore; you do that with all the claymores; I've read some of you other fics too, what disgusts me is that they're all full of rape, humiliation and vulgarisms; you make the claymores have emotionless sex everywhere and anywhere like dogs; or get brutaly violated; in one of your chapters it sounds as if galatea says it's ok to get raped to Cynthia. Are you mental!? I couldn't bare to read the rest of your fics; but from what I saw you story telling is poor too, and btw I was just too angry when I saw what you made Helen look like, so I was typing fast, I don't think that writing "srong" instead of "wrong" is a fatal mistake and makes my statement full of errors, you should look into your own writing to fix up some of your mistakes; the guys like shelter and yosei are probably too polite to tell it straight to you; you constanly use "fuck","ass","butt","breasts"; is your dictionary so poor? Or you just like to make the act and everything about it as vulgar as possible? If this isn't clear enough to you, then you are an idiot, or just a perv if this is already clear to you and you still continue doing it, either way this is the last time I waste my time trying to bring sense to someone like you. Btw I didn't want to post this in the FFthread simply because it doesn't belong there, and it would be no good as it's a lot better to rep you about it; I chose to stay anonymouse because that way I can avoid talking to someone like you, just the thought of that is revolting, but even so I'm doing it, probably for the last time; as I said above, either way you turn out to be, and idiot or a perv, your not worth talking to.

Even if I don't like what other people write, the best way to approach such issues is equally, on a level-standard, as fellow writers. Questioning the professionalism of a (fellow) writer & the values behind his writing is going to earn you more ire than empathy - especially when you indirectly question other writers' ability to review as well.

I will agree that Claymore fanfiction sometimes gets a bit overly explicit - & the amount & fashion in which yuri gets presented seems to be increasing - but I think that the Animesuki thread is probably the most tame, moderated & constructive of all the places where Claymore fiction is submitted. If you throught MisterJB's stuff was overdone, you should see what they write on FF.net & Livejournal.

If you think Claymore fanfiction is heading in a direction you're unhappy with, then do the most practical thing: write something, with your impressions & post it here. It'll be a better way for us to understand what you're talking about, instead of getting into personal feud with a fellow writer.

[Yosei]

My picture album has been updated with a two-in-one profile mainly because it's almost physically impossible to find good artwork of these two characters.

Tonight's serving. I actually did not update on FF.net because I want to "lock and reload" on my current chapter count. But I will update tomorrow.

For now, for those who keep up with Animesuki timezone rather than Ff.net timezone: Here is The Southern Battles.

[MisterJB]

thanks shelter

[MisterJB]

well, this is probrably the smallest chapter I ever wrote but like I said, i'm trying to put only one plot on one chapter. Well, I hope you enjoy it.

Spoiler for chapter 2:

Chapter 2:

The Shadow of Ultimate Darkness
Darkhenus



Darkness reigned supreme on the damned castle that Darkhenus had erected for himself on the North.

Those cursed walls breathed with the whispers of the human slaves who had died building such a horrific castle. Those human slaves were the pour souls who hadn’t got the chance to escape from the North before Darkhenus had arrived.

And now, in the most tortured chamber of that demonic palace, Darkhenus stared at the flaming dark shadow that had appeared.

“So, what do you think of my palace, father?” Darkhenus asked, waving his hand on the direction of the walls.

The shadow seemed to look around admired, however Darkhenus knew that was no more than a mere act of courtesy.
His father wasn’t the type of man to appreciate architecture.
On the other hand, his father was hardly a man at all.

Seeing that the shadow wasn’t going to answer, Darkhenus spoke again. “It is nothing when compared to the gigantic fortress that you reserve for yourself on the Mainland.”

“It seems you are plotting you schemes again, Darkhenus, my son.” the mouthless shadow said “Despite your condition as the strongest of my sons, you were always the one who liked to conceive the plans for the battles. You brothers enjoyed more the heat of battle and the blood of the enemies.”

Darkhenus laughed, enjoying a private joke “And that’s why they are dead and I’m alive. A strong mind needs to be in an even stronger body, don’t you agree, Father?”

The shadow crossed its immaterial arms; Darkhenus admired how his father was able to maintain a physical presence there by using only the shadows of the castle, while his father’s real body was safe in the Mainland.
Even Darkhenus himself needed to use a dead body to do that.

“Where do you think that this path you walk will take you, Darkhenus?” the shadow questioned.

“Where else, father?” Darkhenus answered, smiling with the smile of a madman. “To the fiery pits of Hell, of course.”

“After all, I am a messenger of the purest Darkness while you my father, you are Darkness itself, are you not?”

“For me and for those who serve me there is only one possible end. Hell itself.”

“But first, I will make this whole Continent burn!”

The shadow’s eyes met his son’s. “What is Thelmus doing?”

“Thelmus is doing what he likes to do the most.”

“Killing people.”

[Hari Michiru]

Originally Posted by MisterJB

well, this is porbrably the smallest chapter I ever wrote but like I said, i'm trying to put only one plot on one chapter. Well, I hope you enjoy it.

Here's my edits (decided to do it within the chapter because I'm lazy )

Spoiler for chapter 2:

Chapter 2:

The Shadow of Ultimate Darkness
Darkhenus



Darkness reigned supreme on the damned castle that Darkhenus had erected for himself on the North.
(space needed)
Those cursed walls breathed (wrong word choice...I know what you're trying to say, but it's confusing if you used breathed) with the whispers of the human slaves who had died building such a horrific castle. Those human slaves were the pour souls who hadn’t got the chance to escape from the North before Darkhenus had arrived.

And now, on in the most tortured chamber of that demoniac demonic palace, Darkhenus stared at the flaming dark shadow that had appeared.

“So, what do you think of my palace, father?” Darkhenus asked, waving his hand on the direction of the walls (walls or wall? If it's walls, then it's too vague, since most places have 4 walls).

The shadow seemed to look around, apparently(?) admired, however Darkhenus knew that was no more than a mere act of courtesy.
His father wasn’t the type of man to appreciate architecture.
On the other hand, his father was even hardly a man at all.

Seeing that the shadow wasn’t going to answer, Darkhenus talked (maybe you should use spoke again. “It is nothing when compared to the gigantic fortress that you reserve for yourself on the Mainland.”

“It seems you are plotting you schemes again, Darkhenus, my son,” the mouthless shadow said, “Despite your condition as the strongest of my sons, you were always the one who liked to conceive the plans for the battles. You brothers enjoyed more the heat of battle and the blood of the enemies.”

Darkhenus laughed, enjoying a private joke. “And that’s why they are dead and I’m alive. A strong mind needs to be in an even stronger body, don’t you agree, my (the 'my' seems unnecessary) father?”

The shadow crossed its immaterial arms; Darkhenus admired how is Father was able to maintain a physical presence there by using only the shadows of the castle, while his father’s real body was in safe in the Mainland. (Run-on sentence)
(space needed)
Even Darkhenus himself needed to use a dead body to do that.

“Where do you think that this path you walk will take you, Darkhenus?” the shadow grumbled. (grumbled? it doesn't seem like the right word for this scenario)

“Where else, father?” Darkhenus answered, smiling with the smile (smile is getting repetitive) of a madman, “To the fiery pits of Hell, of course.”

“After all, I am a messenger of the most pure (try using purest instead ) Darkness while you, my father, you are Darkness itself, are you not?” (this line seems awkward)

“For me and for those who serve me there is only one possible end. Hell itself.”

“But first, I will make this whole Continent burn!”

The shadow’s eyes met his son’s. “What is Thelmus doing?”

“Thelmus is doing what he likes to do the most.”
(space needed)
“Killing people.”

I'm liking father and son . I'll leave shelter with the more conceptual review, since I'm tired and lazy.

But before I hit submit, I'd like to do some self-advertising:

Name: Stories of a Faint Smile
Character: Teresa
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4765560/1/

As usual, constructive criticism is very, very welcome.

[MisterJB]

Originally Posted by Hari Michiru

Here's my edits (decided to do it within the chapter because I'm lazy )

Spoiler for chapter 2:

Chapter 2:

The Shadow of Ultimate Darkness
Darkhenus



Darkness reigned supreme on the damned castle that Darkhenus had erected for himself on the North.
(space needed)
Those cursed walls breathed (wrong word choice...I know what you're trying to say, but it's confusing if you used breathed) with the whispers of the human slaves who had died building such a horrific castle. Those human slaves were the pour souls who hadn’t got the chance to escape from the North before Darkhenus had arrived.

And now, on in the most tortured chamber of that demoniac demonic palace, Darkhenus stared at the flaming dark shadow that had appeared.

“So, what do you think of my palace, father?” Darkhenus asked, waving his hand on the direction of the walls (walls or wall? If it's walls, then it's too vague, since most places have 4 walls).

The shadow seemed to look around, apparently(?) admired, however Darkhenus knew that was no more than a mere act of courtesy.
His father wasn’t the type of man to appreciate architecture.
On the other hand, his father was even hardly a man at all.

Seeing that the shadow wasn’t going to answer, Darkhenus talked (maybe you should use spoke again. “It is nothing when compared to the gigantic fortress that you reserve for yourself on the Mainland.”

“It seems you are plotting you schemes again, Darkhenus, my son,” the mouthless shadow said, “Despite your condition as the strongest of my sons, you were always the one who liked to conceive the plans for the battles. You brothers enjoyed more the heat of battle and the blood of the enemies.”

Darkhenus laughed, enjoying a private joke. “And that’s why they are dead and I’m alive. A strong mind needs to be in an even stronger body, don’t you agree, my (the 'my' seems unnecessary) father?”

The shadow crossed its immaterial arms; Darkhenus admired how is Father was able to maintain a physical presence there by using only the shadows of the castle, while his father’s real body was in safe in the Mainland. (Run-on sentence)
(space needed)
Even Darkhenus himself needed to use a dead body to do that.

“Where do you think that this path you walk will take you, Darkhenus?” the shadow grumbled. (grumbled? it doesn't seem like the right word for this scenario)

“Where else, father?” Darkhenus answered, smiling with the smile (smile is getting repetitive) of a madman, “To the fiery pits of Hell, of course.”

“After all, I am a messenger of the most pure (try using purest instead ) Darkness while you, my father, you are Darkness itself, are you not?” (this line seems awkward)

“For me and for those who serve me there is only one possible end. Hell itself.”

“But first, I will make this whole Continent burn!”

The shadow’s eyes met his son’s. “What is Thelmus doing?”

“Thelmus is doing what he likes to do the most.”
(space needed)
“Killing people.”

I'm liking father and son . I'll leave shelter with the more conceptual review, since I'm tired and lazy.

But before I hit submit, I'd like to do some self-advertising:

Name: Stories of a Faint Smile
Character: Teresa
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4765560/1/

As usual, constructive criticism is very, very welcome.

Thanks for the editing.

[hell88]

Originally Posted by MisterJB

well, this is probrably the smallest chapter I ever wrote but like I said, i'm trying to put only one plot on one chapter. Well, I hope you enjoy it.

Spoiler for chapter 2:

Chapter 2:

The Shadow of Ultimate Darkness
Darkhenus



Darkness reigned supreme on the damned castle that Darkhenus had erected for himself on the North.

Those cursed walls breathed with the whispers of the human slaves who had died building such a horrific castle. Those human slaves were the pour souls who hadn’t got the chance to escape from the North before Darkhenus had arrived.

And now, in the most tortured chamber of that demonic palace, Darkhenus stared at the flaming dark shadow that had appeared.

“So, what do you think of my palace, father?” Darkhenus asked, waving his hand on the direction of the walls.

The shadow seemed to look around admired, however Darkhenus knew that was no more than a mere act of courtesy.
His father wasn’t the type of man to appreciate architecture.
On the other hand, his father was hardly a man at all.

Seeing that the shadow wasn’t going to answer, Darkhenus spoke again. “It is nothing when compared to the gigantic fortress that you reserve for yourself on the Mainland.”

“It seems you are plotting you schemes again, Darkhenus, my son.” the mouthless shadow said “Despite your condition as the strongest of my sons, you were always the one who liked to conceive the plans for the battles. You brothers enjoyed more the heat of battle and the blood of the enemies.”

Darkhenus laughed, enjoying a private joke “And that’s why they are dead and I’m alive. A strong mind needs to be in an even stronger body, don’t you agree, Father?”

The shadow crossed its immaterial arms; Darkhenus admired how his father was able to maintain a physical presence there by using only the shadows of the castle, while his father’s real body was safe in the Mainland.
Even Darkhenus himself needed to use a dead body to do that.

“Where do you think that this path you walk will take you, Darkhenus?” the shadow questioned.

“Where else, father?” Darkhenus answered, smiling with the smile of a madman. “To the fiery pits of Hell, of course.”

“After all, I am a messenger of the purest Darkness while you my father, you are Darkness itself, are you not?”

“For me and for those who serve me there is only one possible end. Hell itself.”

“But first, I will make this whole Continent burn!”

The shadow’s eyes met his son’s. “What is Thelmus doing?”

“Thelmus is doing what he likes to do the most.”

“Killing people.”

I like this one, the talk between Darkhenus and is father was very dark I should say.

Although I felt this chapter ruined the flow of the story, I think that it should have been the first chapter because of how the story before ended. The last chapter you put up should have been this one instead. I find that you do that a lot with your fic and it makes it difficult to read. Instead of going back and forth with your chapters, like writing about one thing then writing about something else in the next chapter, then going back to writing what you were writing before in the chapter before that makes it hard to fallow and it gets hard to remember whats going on. What I am saying is try to write about one thing at a time in your story to make the flow of the story easier to fallow.

[Hari Michiru]

Originally Posted by hell88

Although I felt this chapter ruined the flow of the story, I think that it should have been the first chapter because of how the story before ended. The last chapter you put up should have been this one instead. I find that you do that a lot with your fic and it makes it difficult to read. Instead of going back and forth with your chapters, like writing about one thing then writing about something else in the next chapter, then going back to writing what you were writing before in the chapter before that makes it hard to fallow and it gets hard to remember whats going on. What I am saying is try to write about one thing at a time in your story to make the flow of the story easier to fallow.

I agree with hell88 (is now not so tired). If you began with this chapter instead of the previous one, it would have more of a hook on your story. Also, the dialogue between father and son revealed a bit too much, in my opinion. If you had left some details out (like how 'Father' was from the 'Mainland'), you would have more stuff to foreshadow. Thus, the chapter would have been more vague, and the reader would be hooked into reading more.

[hell88]

@Hari Michiru: You know these two chapters are the start of the second part of his story. The only reason why I felt it went against the flow of the story is because at the end of the first part of the story the father shows up.

[Hari Michiru]

Originally Posted by hell88

@Hari Michiru: You know these two chapters are the start of the second part of his story. The only reason why I felt it went against the flow of the story is because at the end of the first part of the story the father shows up.

*smacks self on head* Ah, I get it now.

[hell88]

Originally Posted by Hari Michiru

*smacks self on head* Ah, I get it now.

Well this kind of thing happens a lot in MisterJB's fic, and I am hoping that he starts working on that more.

[Hari Michiru]

Originally Posted by hell88

Well this kind of thing happens a lot in MisterJB's fic, and I am hoping that he starts working on that more.

Well, since I haven't read the previous part, I'm partly to blame.

[MisterJB]

Thanks fot the review hell and thanks for the advice. I will be sure to follow it so, the next three chapters will be solely focused on the Helen & Deneve arc, I think its conclusion will be really nice.

Hari Michuru: The blame is on me, myself and I.
http://forums.animesuki.com/showthre...91#post2003091

That is where all began if you are interested.

ps: it's vague. Maybe even too vague

[Ancient Soul]

CLAYMORE OMAKES\\

Ermita and his nine daughters...
Irene, Sophie, Noel, Galatea, Ophelia, Miria, Audrey, Rachel, Renee...
and sometimes Dietrich!

Spoiler for CLAYMORES OMAKES RATED\CENSORED:

"Petitor : Sir, i want to ask your daughter Galatea in marriage!
Ermita: Oh...she was already taken!
Petitor : By who?
Ermita : GOD!"


"Rachel : Audrey you are the most beautifull and powerfull!
Audrey : I know...i...
Galatea : Oh really?80% YOKI RELEASE!
Rachel, Audrey : Galatea!


"Galatea : Who is she?
Ermita : Your younger sister Miria.
Galatea : My new kitty..."
Ermita : Not again!


"Ermita : Here, kitty kitty...
Galatea : Stop playing with Miria,is mine.ALL mine!HOLY HAMMERRR...
Ermita : Wait,wait,ouch...
Miria : Meow!"


"Renee : What are Audrey and Rachel doing?
Ermita : They train in order to supress their "yoki"!
Renee : Naked?"
Ermita :


"Ophelia : Why everyone say that i'm crazy?
Ermita : Because you are the only sane one!
Ohelia : I know it!
Ermita :


"Noel : Father ask me to find some cabbages for dinner!
Sophie : Irene has one!
Irene : Shut-up...i will born Ophelia anytime soon..."
Noel , Sophie :


"Miria : Why Galatea call you a PERV?
Ermita : I have no ideea.I'm always full clothed!
Galatea : ...i can see thru them!
Miria, Ermita : ...GOD EYE!"


"Rachel : ...and so we defeated RIFUL!
Ermita : Then why do you smell of p**?
Audrey : We...we...
Ermita : Hmm...is this Miria's smell?"


"Galatea : What are you two doing?
Audrey : We are training to supress our "yoki"!
Galatea : ...like "that"...i show you the "right way"!
Audrey, Rachel : ...CENSORED...


"Ermita : Irene, you have do subdue Teresa!
Irene : But i have been already defeated once!
Ermita : I'm talking about the one IN Clare!
Irene : Oh HER!"


"Irene : I subdued Teresa...
Ermita : Great...but where is your right arm!
Irene : IN Clare!
Ermita :


"Rubel : I heard that Ophelia "awakened"! <Ophelia run form home>
Ermita : What?She got "defeated"?Who "awakened" her?
Rubel : Clare!
Ermita : Damn you!I sent Galatea this time!No way she can "loose"!"


"Renee : !?!
Ermita : What hapeneed?
Renee : Audrey and Rachel "yoki" have dissapered!
Ermita : That was QUICK!"


"Miria : Where is my present?
Ermita : Here is it...a little lion...only for you!
Rigardo : ROAR!"
Miria : Meow!"

Ermita : I hope they get along...we need more kitties after all!Do we?

"Miria : "crying"
Ermita : What happened?
Miria : Clare killed my lion! <Miria run form home>
Ermita : No more kitties...


Galatea : Where is my kitty!
Ermita : She runned from home!
Galatea : Is your fault.I'm leaving! <Galatea run form home>
Ermita : ...is RUBEL's fault...


Ermita : Where i'm supposed to find a kitty this days!?
Dietrich : How about me SIR?
Ermita : Who are you?
Dietrich : Nr.8 Kitty Dietrich reporting for duty SIR!
Ermita : Hmm...Kitty Dietrich...


Ditrich : A mission SIR?Yes SIR!
Ermita : You must find Isley "horse" in the south!
Dietrich : Yes SIR!
Ermita : I need him in order to find my runaway daughters!


Dietrich : Sir, what if i meet a "demon"!
Ermita : Keep your breath...
Dietrich : What if this don't work sir!
Ermita : Throw milk...


Dietrich : Renee how can i throw milk?
Renee : Is easy...let me show you...(use yoki manipulation)
Dietrich : So thats how is it!Wow!
Renee : You saw, is easy!...Oh,damn, now i have to change my clothes!


Ermita : Audrey from now one you will act like a "princess"!
Audrey : I like that!Hey where is my stylist!
Ermita : Rachel you will act like a crazy rottweiler!
Rachel : HELL YEAH!Where did i put my sword dammit?
Ermita : Renee,you must become SMART...but cover your boobs first!
Renee : Ups, i used to much YOKI (AGAIN!)!


Ermita : ...people just don't realise how hard is to raise and train a new batch of "daughters"...damn Rubel!


Rubel : "cold"
Orsay : What is it?
Rubel : I thought i heard Ermita!
Orsay : Where...where?


...10 YEARS BEFORE...
...WARNING...FOR <extreme hard-core> YAOI fans ONLY...

Ermita : Priscilla killed my girls!
Orsay : Wasn't my fault...
Ermita : I will make you "confess"!
Orsay : No chance in hell!
Ermita : (throw his clothes)
Orsay : By Holy Rimuto...

...no one know what happeened with Orsay that day
...even "GOD EYE" went blind!

[hell88]

Originally Posted by Ancient Soul

CLAYMORE OMAKES\\

Ermita and his nine daughters...
Irene, Sophie, Noel, Galatea, Ophelia, Miria, Audrey, Rachel, Renee...
and sometimes Dietrich!

Spoiler for CLAYMORES OMAKES RATED\CENSORED:

"Petitor : Sir, i want to ask your daughter Galatea in marriage!
Ermita: Oh...she was already taken!
Petitor : By who?
Ermita : GOD!"


"Rachel : Audrey you are the most beautifull and powerfull!
Audrey : I know...i...
Galatea : Oh really?80% YOKI RELEASE!
Rachel, Audrey : Galatea!


"Galatea : Who is she?
Ermita : Your younger sister Miria.
Galatea : My new kitty..."
Ermita : Not again!


"Ermita : Here, kitty kitty...
Galatea : Stop playing with Miria,is mine.ALL mine!HOLY HAMMERRR...
Ermita : Wait,wait,ouch...
Miria : Meow!"


"Renee : What are Audrey and Rachel doing?
Ermita : They train in order to supress their "yoki"!
Renee : Naked?"
Ermita :


"Ophelia : Why everyone say that i'm crazy?
Ermita : Because you are the only sane one!
Ohelia : I know it!
Ermita :


"Noel : Father ask me to find some cabbages for dinner!
Sophie : Irene has one!
Irene : Shut-up...i will born Ophelia anytime soon..."
Noel , Sophie :


"Miria : Why Galatea call you a PERV?
Ermita : I have no ideea.I'm always full clothed!
Galatea : ...i can see thru them!
Miria, Ermita : ...GOD EYE!"


"Rachel : ...and so we defeated RIFUL!
Ermita : Then why do you smell of p**?
Audrey : We...we...
Ermita : Hmm...is this Miria's smell?"


"Galatea : What are you two doing?
Audrey : We are training to supress our "yoki"!
Galatea : ...like "that"...i show you the "right way"!
Audrey, Rachel : ...CENSORED...


"Ermita : Irene, you have do subdue Teresa!
Irene : But i have been already defeated once!
Ermita : I'm talking about the one IN Clare!
Irene : Oh HER!"


"Irene : I subdued Teresa...
Ermita : Great...but where is your right arm!
Irene : IN Clare!
Ermita :


"Rubel : I heard that Ophelia "awakened"! <Ophelia run form home>
Ermita : What?She got "defeated"?Who "awakened" her?
Rubel : Clare!
Ermita : Damn you!I sent Galatea this time!No way she can "loose"!"


"Renee : !?!
Ermita : What hapeneed?
Renee : Audrey and Rachel "yoki" have dissapered!
Ermita : That was QUICK!"


"Miria : Where is my present?
Ermita : Here is it...a little lion...only for you!
Rigardo : ROAR!"
Miria : Meow!"

Ermita : I hope they get along...we need more kitties after all!Do we?

"Miria : "crying"
Ermita : What happened?
Miria : Clare killed my lion! <Miria run form home>
Ermita : No more kitties...


Galatea : Where is my kitty!
Ermita : She runned from home!
Galatea : Is your fault.I'm leaving! <Galatea run form home>
Ermita : ...is RUBEL's fault...


Ermita : Where i'm supposed to find a kitty this days!?
Dietrich : How about me SIR?
Ermita : Who are you?
Dietrich : Nr.8 Kitty Dietrich reporting for duty SIR!
Ermita : Hmm...Kitty Dietrich...


Ditrich : A mission SIR?Yes SIR!
Ermita : You must find Isley "horse" in the south!
Dietrich : Yes SIR!
Ermita : I need him in order to find my runaway daughters!


Dietrich : Sir, what if i meet a "demon"!
Ermita : Keep your breath...
Dietrich : What if this don't work sir!
Ermita : Throw milk...


Dietrich : Renee how can i throw milk?
Renee : Is easy...let me show you...(use yoki manipulation)
Dietrich : So thats how is it!Wow!
Renee : You saw, is easy!...Oh,damn, now i have to change my clothes!


Ermita : Audrey from now one you will act like a "princess"!
Audrey : I like that!Hey where is my stylist!
Ermita : Rachel you will act like a crazy rottweiler!
Rachel : HELL YEAH!Where did i put my sword dammit?
Ermita : Renee,you must become SMART...but cover your boobs first!
Renee : Ups, i used to much YOKI (AGAIN!)!


Ermita : ...people just don't realise how hard is to raise and train a new batch of "daughters"...damn Rubel!


Rubel : "cold"
Orsay : What is it?
Rubel : I thought i heard Ermita!
Orsay : Where...where?


...10 YEARS BEFORE...
...WARNING...FOR <extreme hard-core> YAOI fans ONLY...

Ermita : Priscilla killed my girls!
Orsay : Wasn't my fault...
Ermita : I will make you "confess"!
Orsay : No chance in hell!
Ermita : (throw his clothes)
Orsay : By Holy Rimuto...

...no one know what happeened with Orsay that day
...even "GOD EYE" went blind!

That was amazing!

[MisterJB]

Ancient Soul: Oh God. That was hilarious. Please do more

[Ancient Soul]

I try...next month!

Ermita is quite mad at me right now!Lets wait for him to cool off!

[MisterJB]

I don't know why he is mad.
He has 8 beautiful daugthers (Rachel doesn't count)

[hell88]

Originally Posted by MisterJB

I don't know why he is mad.
He has 8 beautiful daugthers (Rachel doesn't count)

Yeah they are his daughters, thats why.