2012-05-15, 11:41 | Link #36422 |
Crax
Author
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: MY
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Use 'belongs' instead.
The dialogues' grammar is fine, but you should make everything else not-dialogue in past tense. EDIT: Btw the one you're asking about? We are following a tone there, "Hearts are not to be bought but stolen, they say" is the more proper one. The one I posted earlier follows more precisely to the actual wording (you would kinda pause a bit at 'bought') though it looks weird in writing. Or just two ways of speech.
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2012-05-15, 11:48 | Link #36424 |
Crax
Author
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: MY
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There's no such thing as too cheesy. People claim my stuff to be too dramatic, but heck, when I write I want my story to shake the world (kinda), and MLGN simply LOVES to be dramatic - the characters are very naive that they word out their feelings a lot more clearly and easily than in real life, something that I has always loved about this anime.
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2012-05-15, 19:38 | Link #36426 | |
GregOS Offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Philippines
Age: 36
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Quote:
Odin: At least it's not 17,280 missiles converging into one area just to blow up a few targets. Elane: What's wrong making sure those guys stay dead? Odin: Waste of ammunition for later use. Val: And the Numbers are in the house... Except for Due unless Lutecia decided to join the fray to help her friends... Sarah: I say Due need some bodyguard training if that happens. Reia: Chaotic Disintegrate... Nice AOE spell... heavy damage to an area with minimal effects to the surroundings. Jill: Why these THINGS keep on coming!? *Shot a Mariage with her magnum.* Leon:Watch out!! *Blasted a group of Mariages near Jill with a RPG before spraying Claire's flank with his SMG.* Claire: We didn't have THIS problems when we go against Umbrella. *Covered Jill and Leon with her own pair of mini-SMG.* Odin: Ignore the lost souls who end up fighting the Mariages atm... Reia: At least those things are no Einst or they're gonna have problems with numbers AND regeneration. *Suddenly a group of Einst Kaguya appeared and got attacked by the Mariages.* Val: *Flat look at Reia.* You have to open your mouth, Rei....
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2012-05-17, 00:24 | Link #36427 | |
The Unpronounceable
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Clock Tower
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Quote:
Spoiler for spoiler:
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2012-05-17, 20:19 | Link #36433 |
For the yuri (╹◡╹)
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: I do not remember
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Here's the weekly update
Spoiler for Author's notes:
Notes for those who are reading the version here: Some words have been changed but they did not affect the story so I won't post the changes here. Direct link to fanfiction.net's
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2012-05-17, 20:32 | Link #36434 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
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Well, I just want to say, All straight pair suck.
Because the pretty woman of Nanoha should stay with other pretty woman to have a more pretty combination. Also, straight doujin suck, I hope destroy them in one moment
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2012-05-17, 23:08 | Link #36440 | |
GregOS Offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Philippines
Age: 36
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Quote:
Odin: Like Muruta Azrael And Patrick Zala? Reia: Vindel Mauser? Val: Juno, Sera, before she realize her course of action is a mistake, and Sigma? Iris: Gilbert Durandal and Djibril? Mariemeia: Those dummies who think IP/CR can innovate the world? Me: *sweatdrops* Nevermind... Odin: Anyways... *pulls out the Mariage's head that got punt by Subaru's punch.* How it feels to get you noggin shaken beyond it's normal limit and don't bother self-destructing. Your pretty little head got treated with some nanites that will cancel that special protocol of yours. Mariage's head: You shall fall before our might, Human. Odin: *Raised Eyebrow.* To play soccer, *Drops the Mariage's head before kicking it with a Beowulf empowered kick away.* or not to play. That is the question for today. And who said that I'm completely human in the first place? Mariemeia: Lame joke, Odin. Reia: I really hope Ixy will have some control over those mariages at the end, together that she will not sleep for another set of eons... Char: No one mention my actions During the 2nd Neo-Zeon revolt? Ribbon: Nor mine? Odin: We kinda forgot back there....*sarcasm mode.* Char and Ribbon:
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Last edited by mega1987; 2012-05-17 at 23:25. Reason: just to get it updated to the changes... :P |
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Tags |
authorshipping, befriending, fanfiction, interactive fanfiction, nanoha |
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