2009-01-04, 18:42 | Link #3103 | |
Banned
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Canada, but sometimes in La La-Land hanging out with Midori-chan89
Age: 35
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Quote:
Anyway I don't have much to say about this chapter except one thing. When Helen's mother Helena is telling Deneve about the father it isn't described very well about who he is. I think more description is needed for this part if you really want to catch the readers attention unless you are planning on saying more about who it was and how he died later in the next chapter or something? It also doesn't say enough as to why she has that painting, all she says is that it reminds her of Helen, but I would have used something else like its worth a ton of money, or something like that. |
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2009-01-04, 22:46 | Link #3107 |
Insane Fangirl
Author
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Home of the 2010 Olympics
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Time for me to edit again
Spoiler for chapter 3:
You made the same mistakes as you did last chapter . Can I ask you one thing: is English your native language? If it isn't, I'll forgive you slightly . You should try to run your story through a spell checker and check on the grammar before posting it anywhere. I really wanted to review on the conceptual side of your story, but my spelling+grammer nazi side is too mad from editing .
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2009-01-04, 23:43 | Link #3108 |
Death by writing
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Hong Kong/Brisbane
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I agree with Hari, but on the other hand, astonishingly, sometimes spell-check doesn't help. It helps generally for elementary spelling errors, but sometimes the dictionary doesn't have words that actually exist, but are more intricate or subtle than most.
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2009-01-05, 10:09 | Link #3110 |
Every word must conjure
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Some reviews to pass around for all
1. Hari Michiru - Untitled Short Story Spoiler for Review:
2. Hell - Chapter 20 Spoiler for Review:
3. MisterJB - Chapters 2-3 Spoiler for Review:
@MisterJB - Your avatar changes are making me confused LOL I keep thinking there's someone new commenting |
2009-01-05, 12:40 | Link #3111 |
Warden of the West
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Casterly Rock
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hell88: Thanks for the ideas. I will leave in here what I had though about Helen's birth and stuff
In my opinion, Helen is 2 years older than Clare so now, Helen is IMO 27 while Clare is 25. So the town from which Helena was able to escape was defended by human soldiers, at that time she was on the beginnig of the pregnancy. She escaped and went to the South and 9 months later Helen is born. This all hapened 2 years before Clare was born. Seven years after this, Teresa meets Clare and Helen is taken by Ermita, so when Helen's father died she was already training with the Organization. Some time after that, Teresa kills Helen's father and is later killed by Priscilla. But please don't think that this was all random, after all, Ermita is Darkhenus's spy and he was the one to pick Helen. Let's just say that Darkhenus also had his word to say in all of this. I hope this cleared some doubts. Hari Michiru: Thanks for the editing and very sorry. It must have been painful for you. This is a problem I have when there is a lot of talk in the chapters, next one has little dialogue so it should have less errors. You pointed some very good points there but Ermita's robes actually covers his face, just look at Ancient Soul's sig. Look, I'm a completely noob with pcs, spell checker is some program I can download or something like that? shelter: Thanks for the review. Please forgive me for playing with the plot, I'm not in a hurry to finish this fic but after this arc of the three separate battles, thing should be going forward with the next arc that it will be called "The End of the Deal" I'm glad you liked the cliffhanger. I hope that my explanation in the beggining of this post helped to bring some logic to the whole Helen's father thing LOL hell told me the same thing |
2009-01-05, 18:08 | Link #3112 | ||
Insane Fangirl
Author
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Home of the 2010 Olympics
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Quote:
Joking, joking. Thanks for the criticism though; I really appreciate it . Quote:
If you're using Microsoft Word, it should spellcheck and check your grammar (although just basic grammar) for you. It won't help if you confuse things like they're/their/there though. If you're using a Mac, I'm pretty sure w/e Mac users use spell check too. I don't know if you can download a good word processor for free though, although, if you're using Firefox, you can make it spell check for you (hardly to never works properly for me anymore, but it used to). Ignore the Grammar/Spelling nazi when she's having a little spazz attack .
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2009-01-05, 18:20 | Link #3113 |
Warden of the West
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Casterly Rock
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No need to be sorry. I only found out the name of those MIB in this forum.
I use microsoft word or microsoft old is a better way to put it. It didn't warn me about those whole sentences that were gramatically incorrect. And no, English is not my native language, I'm portuguese |
2009-01-05, 18:51 | Link #3114 | |
Insane Fangirl
Author
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Home of the 2010 Olympics
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Quote:
If English isn't your native language, I forgive you. English = too many irregular stuff.
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2009-01-06, 13:00 | Link #3115 |
Banned
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Canada, but sometimes in La La-Land hanging out with Midori-chan89
Age: 35
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Alright everyone I am taking a break from Burning Rubber for now. I am going to go back to writing the third part to my other story. After that I will go back to Burning Rubber.
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2009-01-06, 15:26 | Link #3118 |
Death by writing
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Hong Kong/Brisbane
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Hi all, here is The Southern Battles, part II.
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2009-01-07, 16:38 | Link #3119 |
Warden of the West
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Casterly Rock
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Here is next chapter. I was really anxious for this one and for the next
I hope you enjoy it Spoiler for chapter 4:
Seriously, place your bets. I have no idea how that figth should end. Your suggestions migth affect the plot Last edited by MisterJB; 2009-01-08 at 13:37. |
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fanfiction |
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